High School Inedible

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0:00:05 > 0:00:08Chieeeeeef!

0:00:08 > 0:00:11# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

0:00:11 > 0:00:14# Wherever there is danger, he'll be there

0:00:14 > 0:00:16- # He's the ace - The ace!

0:00:16 > 0:00:17- # He's amazing! - Amazing!

0:00:17 > 0:00:21# He's the strongest, he's the quickest, he's the best

0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Danger Mouse

0:00:24 > 0:00:27# Danger Mouse

0:00:27 > 0:00:30# Danger Mouse! #

0:00:32 > 0:00:34BOOM!

0:00:38 > 0:00:40Lunchtime in London,

0:00:40 > 0:00:42where you can eat food from anywhere in the world

0:00:42 > 0:00:43as long as it's with chips.

0:00:45 > 0:00:48What a waste. No wonder the pigeons here are so big.

0:00:48 > 0:00:52Ordinarily a huge rubbish-eating pigeon would make a good villain.

0:00:52 > 0:00:54SQUAAAWK!

0:00:54 > 0:00:58But not when there are giant hot dog monsters on the loose!

0:00:58 > 0:01:01RRRAAAAARR!

0:01:05 > 0:01:07- Aaaaaargh! - ZAP!

0:01:07 > 0:01:10ZAP!

0:01:10 > 0:01:12ZAP! ZAP!

0:01:15 > 0:01:18I've always preferred my sausages well done.

0:01:18 > 0:01:20- GRRRAAR! - Let's get grilling.

0:01:21 > 0:01:23ZAP!

0:01:27 > 0:01:28Mmmmm.

0:01:28 > 0:01:31- Ah, waste not, want not. - BURP

0:01:32 > 0:01:35Stop these belligerent bangers, DM.

0:01:35 > 0:01:37My family barbecue was totally ruined,

0:01:37 > 0:01:40and not for any of the usual reasons.

0:01:40 > 0:01:44But we don't know where, why or how the hot dogs turned into monsters.

0:01:44 > 0:01:47The evil mastermind behind the attack has released

0:01:47 > 0:01:50a video documenting where, why and how these hot dogs have gone mad.

0:01:50 > 0:01:52Ooooh! That's helpful of him.

0:01:54 > 0:01:55Food fight!

0:01:55 > 0:01:59I am Professor Hamhands.

0:01:59 > 0:02:03For too long you have casually wasted your food.

0:02:03 > 0:02:07Well, now it's food's turn to waste you!

0:02:07 > 0:02:08HE SNORTS

0:02:08 > 0:02:11Squawkencluck, analyse the footage. Let's find out where it was made.

0:02:11 > 0:02:12Keep watching.

0:02:12 > 0:02:15The attack on London was just the start.

0:02:15 > 0:02:18Soon you will all tremble before my culinary creatures.

0:02:19 > 0:02:22Oopsie. Where's the stop button?

0:02:22 > 0:02:25The school? Funny secret base for a super-villain.

0:02:25 > 0:02:30You're going undercover to find out who this Hamhands is and stop him.

0:02:34 > 0:02:38Something's rotten at that school, and it isn't just the boys' toilets.

0:02:38 > 0:02:41School? No-o-o-o!

0:02:41 > 0:02:44They picked on me and flushed my pencil collection down the toilet,

0:02:44 > 0:02:46just because I was good at maths.

0:02:46 > 0:02:47Ahh, school.

0:02:47 > 0:02:50Sunny days, football in the playground,

0:02:50 > 0:02:54flushing nerds' pencil collections down the toilet.

0:02:54 > 0:02:58Which I now see was immature and is something I deeply regret.

0:02:58 > 0:03:02I'm glad you liked school, Danger Mouse, because I discovered

0:03:02 > 0:03:05something while crafting your new student identities.

0:03:05 > 0:03:08- Dan Mouse?- Elvis Penfold?

0:03:08 > 0:03:12It seems that you didn't finish your final science project and so,

0:03:12 > 0:03:14technically, never finished school.

0:03:14 > 0:03:16The rules are clear, DM.

0:03:16 > 0:03:18If you don't finish your science project,

0:03:18 > 0:03:20your spy licence will be revoked.

0:03:20 > 0:03:22That means taken away, doesn't it?

0:03:22 > 0:03:26So, pass science, find Hamhands and save the world, all right?

0:03:26 > 0:03:28One of us will pick you up at about three,

0:03:28 > 0:03:31and no walking home on your own.

0:03:36 > 0:03:39Come on, Chief. We're late.

0:03:39 > 0:03:41Ooo-aaah!

0:03:41 > 0:03:44Maybe one crate of pencils was enough, Penfold.

0:03:44 > 0:03:47And relax - nobody's on time for lessons.

0:03:47 > 0:03:48Late!

0:03:48 > 0:03:51Rule number one - students never get a second chance to make

0:03:51 > 0:03:55a first impression, and I am not impressed!

0:03:55 > 0:03:56Sit.

0:03:56 > 0:03:59Noooooow!

0:03:59 > 0:04:02Right, Penfold, I need to search the school for Hamhands.

0:04:02 > 0:04:05Unfortunately that means you'll have to take my tests for me.

0:04:05 > 0:04:07Um...is that allowed?

0:04:07 > 0:04:10Course it is, Penfold. I'd pass them anyway.

0:04:10 > 0:04:12So you've studied the course book?

0:04:12 > 0:04:16Heh-heh. I don't need to study, Penfold. I have instincts.

0:04:16 > 0:04:18- BOOM! - Oooh!

0:04:18 > 0:04:20Oops.

0:04:20 > 0:04:22One more mistake and I won't just fail you -

0:04:22 > 0:04:25I'll expel you!

0:04:28 > 0:04:31Hitting the books, eh, Chief?

0:04:31 > 0:04:33School's harder than I remember.

0:04:33 > 0:04:34Professor Squawkencluck?!

0:04:34 > 0:04:36I'm undercover.

0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Eeeewww!- Eeeugh!

0:04:39 > 0:04:40It's smart soup. Watch.

0:04:43 > 0:04:46You need to hurry. These hot dogs are getting hungrier.

0:04:46 > 0:04:49You have to find Hamhands and shut him down fast.

0:04:49 > 0:04:51The more they eat, the bigger they get.

0:04:54 > 0:04:56Oh!

0:04:56 > 0:04:58This food is inedible!

0:04:58 > 0:05:01How do you expect us to eat this muck, day after day?

0:05:01 > 0:05:05If you keep eating this food, you'll be sorry, you hear me?

0:05:05 > 0:05:07You'll all be sorry!

0:05:09 > 0:05:12That was weird and suspicious at the same time.

0:05:12 > 0:05:14It was weird-spicious. Is that a word?

0:05:14 > 0:05:16PENFOLD SLURPS

0:05:16 > 0:05:18BELL RINGS

0:05:18 > 0:05:21Students always know what's going on at school.

0:05:21 > 0:05:23Which ones do you want go and talk to first?

0:05:23 > 0:05:27Ha-ha-ha. We don't go to them, we get them to come to us.

0:05:27 > 0:05:29Watch.

0:05:29 > 0:05:31Hey, who wants to play football?

0:05:34 > 0:05:36SMACK!

0:05:36 > 0:05:38SMASH!

0:05:38 > 0:05:40Oops.

0:05:40 > 0:05:43Ha-ha-ha! Yes! Oh, yes!

0:05:43 > 0:05:45DANGER MOUSE GASPS

0:05:45 > 0:05:47Ah-hah!

0:05:47 > 0:05:50What is it...Uh, Don Mouse, isn't it?

0:05:50 > 0:05:52No, it's Dan Mouse, and it's not even that.

0:05:52 > 0:05:55I am Danger Mouse, and this is my sidekick Penfold.

0:05:57 > 0:06:00Not as dramatic, but carry on.

0:06:00 > 0:06:02And while we're all unmasking,

0:06:02 > 0:06:06why don't you take off that ridiculous wig, Professor Hamhands?

0:06:06 > 0:06:07Ow! Ouch!

0:06:07 > 0:06:09Huh? Oh, but it must be you.

0:06:09 > 0:06:12It all adds up - the lab, the yelling about the food,

0:06:12 > 0:06:13and now this!

0:06:13 > 0:06:16That's my lunch!

0:06:16 > 0:06:18With weapons-grade relish?

0:06:18 > 0:06:20It's my mother's recipe.

0:06:20 > 0:06:22One mouthful of this and you won't be able to taste these

0:06:22 > 0:06:24horrible hot dogs.

0:06:24 > 0:06:26Not till your tongue grows back.

0:06:26 > 0:06:28We know you're Hamhands, Huxhold.

0:06:28 > 0:06:34Wait, are you talking about Dr Hamilton Hands across the hall?

0:06:35 > 0:06:38- Over here. No, no come here. - GROWLING

0:06:38 > 0:06:39What are you doing?

0:06:39 > 0:06:43Um, probably should've had a look around before we started.

0:06:43 > 0:06:45Hold it there, young mouse!

0:06:45 > 0:06:48You've blown up my lab, smashed my window and accused me of

0:06:48 > 0:06:53a horrible crime, but worse than that, you're terrible at science!

0:06:53 > 0:06:55If you want a chance of passing,

0:06:55 > 0:06:58you'd better have something amazing up your sleeve.

0:06:58 > 0:07:00Besides a pair of Danger Biceps?

0:07:02 > 0:07:04- HE GASPS - What is that?!

0:07:04 > 0:07:07What?

0:07:07 > 0:07:09Before we get into the fighty bits,

0:07:09 > 0:07:12can we just check you are Professor Hamhands?

0:07:12 > 0:07:14What gave me away?

0:07:14 > 0:07:16THEY GROWL

0:07:16 > 0:07:18Well, that's the "who" sorted. Now, how about the "why"?

0:07:18 > 0:07:21Allow me to show you. Lights!

0:07:23 > 0:07:26I was the world's greatest food scientist.

0:07:26 > 0:07:30I could turn absolutely anything into dinner, or lunch.

0:07:30 > 0:07:35I was going to solve the world's food shortage!

0:07:35 > 0:07:39But one night I made a terrible mistake, and...

0:07:39 > 0:07:42Oooooooooowwww!

0:07:42 > 0:07:45..it left me...with these!

0:07:45 > 0:07:47- That must make typing tricky. - And playing the piano.

0:07:47 > 0:07:49- And knitting. - Oh, changing a light bulb.

0:07:49 > 0:07:51Enough!

0:07:52 > 0:07:54My hot dogs are causing havoc,

0:07:54 > 0:07:59but I've made a sausage the size of Luxembourg that will eat the world!

0:08:01 > 0:08:04Crumbs! That's a lot of pork!

0:08:04 > 0:08:06Actually, I'm legally obliged to tell you that they only

0:08:06 > 0:08:07contain 12% pork.

0:08:07 > 0:08:10The rest is a combination of water, breadcrumbs, fatty acids,

0:08:10 > 0:08:12emulsifiers and some kind of fish poison.

0:08:12 > 0:08:13Get them, dogs!

0:08:13 > 0:08:16GGGRRRRRRRRR!

0:08:16 > 0:08:21Is this the end for Danger Mouse? Has he bitten off more than he can chew?

0:08:21 > 0:08:24Is he toast? Has his goose been cooked?

0:08:24 > 0:08:26Gosh, this episode's making me really hungry.

0:08:28 > 0:08:30- SMASH! - Aaaargh!

0:08:32 > 0:08:33Now that's what I call a jumbo hot dog.

0:08:33 > 0:08:36We're in a real pickle this time!

0:08:36 > 0:08:37Penfold! That's it!

0:08:40 > 0:08:43Mr Huxhold, I need your mum's relish recipe.

0:08:43 > 0:08:46Her secret recipe?!

0:08:46 > 0:08:47BELL RINGS

0:08:47 > 0:08:49OK. 20ml of fluoride phosphate,

0:08:49 > 0:08:515ml of zirconium acid, a litre of iodine...

0:08:51 > 0:08:53Hurry, Chief!

0:08:53 > 0:08:55..and a pinch of sodium chloride.

0:08:55 > 0:08:57Sodium what now?

0:08:57 > 0:08:58- HUXHOLD AND PENFOLD:- Salt!

0:08:58 > 0:08:59Ugh, scientists.

0:08:59 > 0:09:01Why don't they just call it salt like everyone else?

0:09:01 > 0:09:03GGGRRRRRR!

0:09:03 > 0:09:06Penfold, let's get seasoning! Grab all the relish you can carry...

0:09:06 > 0:09:07to the bike rack!

0:09:11 > 0:09:14Chief! Look out!

0:09:14 > 0:09:17CRASH! BANG!

0:09:17 > 0:09:22Ha-ha, Danger Mouse! You just don't cut the mustard!

0:09:22 > 0:09:25Come now, my hot dog destroyer.

0:09:25 > 0:09:28It's time to feed on the world!

0:09:31 > 0:09:34GGRRRAAAAARRR!

0:09:41 > 0:09:46- Here, where did that come from? - Ah, the wonder of animation.

0:09:47 > 0:09:49PAINED ROAR

0:09:51 > 0:09:54Deploy Danger Umbrella.

0:09:56 > 0:09:58BOOM!

0:09:58 > 0:10:00Aaaargh, no!

0:10:00 > 0:10:02SPLAT!

0:10:02 > 0:10:04My baby! What happened?

0:10:04 > 0:10:06Argh!

0:10:07 > 0:10:10Looks like Hamhands will spend the rest of his days where

0:10:10 > 0:10:14he belongs - in the petting zoo at the Arkwright Asylum.

0:10:14 > 0:10:16You've saved the world and, more importantly,

0:10:16 > 0:10:19you've made it safe to barbecue again.

0:10:19 > 0:10:22Now, who wants a sausage?

0:10:22 > 0:10:25- Ulp!- I think I might have a salad.

0:10:25 > 0:10:28I've just had a message from Mr Huxhold, your science teacher.

0:10:28 > 0:10:30I'm quietly confident.

0:10:30 > 0:10:33Low marks for theory, practical, presentation and safety,

0:10:33 > 0:10:35but extra marks for

0:10:35 > 0:10:37saving the world!

0:10:37 > 0:10:38You passed!

0:10:38 > 0:10:41- Woohoo!- Wheeee!- Yay!- Hooray!

0:10:41 > 0:10:43Hold on, where did those hats come from?

0:10:43 > 0:10:46Don't spoil the magic, Penfold.

0:10:46 > 0:10:48- Agh!- Ow!- Oh!- Oof!

0:10:48 > 0:10:52Well, I think we've all learned an important lesson today.

0:10:52 > 0:10:54And if anyone knows what that lesson is,

0:10:54 > 0:10:58then please send your answers on a postcard to Top Secret Danger HQ,

0:10:58 > 0:11:00The Big Red PO Box, London,

0:11:00 > 0:11:03and mark it for the attention of Danger Mouse!

0:11:06 > 0:11:09# He's the greatest, he's fantastic!

0:11:09 > 0:11:11# Wherever there is danger

0:11:11 > 0:11:12# He'll be there

0:11:12 > 0:11:15# Danger Mouse

0:11:15 > 0:11:17# Danger Mouse

0:11:17 > 0:11:20# Danger Mouse!

0:11:24 > 0:11:26BOOM!