0:00:05 > 0:00:06CHIEF!
0:00:08 > 0:00:09# He's the greatest
0:00:09 > 0:00:11# He's fantastic
0:00:11 > 0:00:14# Wherever there is danger he'll be there
0:00:14 > 0:00:15- # He's the ace - # The ace
0:00:15 > 0:00:17- # He's amazing - # Amazing
0:00:17 > 0:00:21# He's the strongest, he's the quickest, he's the best
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Danger Mouse
0:00:24 > 0:00:27# Danger Mouse
0:00:27 > 0:00:31# Danger Mouse! #
0:00:38 > 0:00:41"It was a dark and stormy night..."
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Was the armchair strictly necessary, Colonel?
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Can't tell a scary story without an armchair, DM.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52And this is the scariest story of them all,
0:00:52 > 0:00:55The Tale Of The Headless Postman.
0:00:57 > 0:01:02"In 1790, the Headless Postman roamed the countryside,
0:01:02 > 0:01:04"except on Sundays and holidays.
0:01:04 > 0:01:08"He took sadistic pleasure in stealing money from birthday cards,
0:01:08 > 0:01:11"playing football with fragile parcels
0:01:11 > 0:01:13"and shoving horse poo into mailboxes."
0:01:13 > 0:01:15HORSE NEIGHS
0:01:15 > 0:01:17All that without a head? Impressive.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22HE GRUNTS
0:01:22 > 0:01:23HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:01:23 > 0:01:25I want to see the scary man!
0:01:30 > 0:01:35"With the last of his strength, the brave Ichabod Mouse
0:01:35 > 0:01:37"was able to defeat the dread apparition
0:01:37 > 0:01:39"and end his reign of terror,
0:01:39 > 0:01:44"by mailing the villain's head without an address.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45"Lost forever."
0:01:45 > 0:01:47MUNCHING
0:01:47 > 0:01:52Ichabod Mouse, my great, great, great, great uncle.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53He was great.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56"The Headless Postman was so terrifying
0:01:56 > 0:01:59"that he was banned from appearing on television."
0:01:59 > 0:02:02And the telly hadn't even been invented yet.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04- BANGING AT DOOR - Crumbs!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07HORSE NEIGHS
0:02:07 > 0:02:08SCREAMING
0:02:08 > 0:02:10It's the Headless Postman!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12It's the Headless... Oh, wee-wee coming.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13TINKLING
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Revenge is here, spawn of Ichabod.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Tonight you will quake.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22You will quiver.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23You'll...
0:02:24 > 0:02:26- Stop that! - HE GRUNTS
0:02:29 > 0:02:30Slam dunk.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32SHE GROANS
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- End programme. - SHE SIGHS
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Great bravery test, Professor.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Loved the skull bit.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42I found it in the ancient disused post room.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44It was marked "Return to sender."
0:02:46 > 0:02:47I wonder if that's important.
0:02:47 > 0:02:52So, A+'s, back pats for everyone, and all in time for dinner.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Actually, my bravery meter indicates you failed.
0:02:56 > 0:02:57METER BUZZES
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Failed?!
0:02:59 > 0:03:03Agents, I'm very disappointed.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Hang your heads in shame.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Focus on me, focus on me.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10How could I fail a bravery test?
0:03:10 > 0:03:14Being truly brave means being afraid of something and still taking it on.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Psh. I'm not afraid of anything.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Then you will never be truly brave.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21- That's why you failed! - METER BEEPS
0:03:21 > 0:03:22SHE MAKES TEASING NOISES
0:03:22 > 0:03:25DM, must have 100% bravery.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29I order you to learn how to be scared.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31I'm afraid I wouldn't know where to start, sir.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Excellent start.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Now, can someone give me a lift up to the kitchen?
0:03:36 > 0:03:37It's time for cake.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39GRUNTING
0:03:40 > 0:03:41HE SIGHS
0:03:43 > 0:03:46My revenge is coming, mouse.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48My revenge is...
0:03:48 > 0:03:50- HE GASPS - Slippery?
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- HE GROANS - Pup pee-wee!
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Don't worry, Chief. I am a black belt in cowardice.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02- I'll teach you everything I know. - Great!
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- What are you waiting...- Boo.- ..for?
0:04:05 > 0:04:06- I'm ready.- Boo!
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Let me know when you're going to start.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12You know, this is actually quite exciting, Penfold.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Penfold?
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Penfold?
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Penfold?
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Aye! You!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Penfold, this isn't going to work.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Hey! I'm talking to you.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26HE GROANS
0:04:26 > 0:04:29This would be so much easier with legs.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Hey, I'm trying to be avenged here.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Are you even listening?
0:04:35 > 0:04:37HE GROANS
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Professor, have you seen Penfold?
0:04:39 > 0:04:41He's trying to SCARE me.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Forget about Penfold.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Let's talk about US.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47I know you feel the same.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Um... I'm not sure I do.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Let's not keep our passions caged any longer.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Let it out, Chief.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Say the words that torture our souls.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02I love you.
0:05:02 > 0:05:03HE SCREAMS
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Professor, stop.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Think how awkward it would be at work.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10You and I, together, forever.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Now, kiss me!
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Kiss me dangerously!
0:05:14 > 0:05:16OK, just don't hurt me.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Touch me with those, and I will gene-splice you so bad
0:05:21 > 0:05:24you'll be growing antennae out of your backside.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25What?!
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Who's that?
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Hmm.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Och, you're lovelier than raspberry jam, Chief.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Go on, give your little squawky a peck on the...
0:05:38 > 0:05:40- HE SCREAMS - Penfold, did you ask the colonel
0:05:40 > 0:05:42if you could borrow this hologram?
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Sorry, Chief, but I knew you'd be terrified
0:05:44 > 0:05:46of a kissy-kissy professor.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Interesting. I did have a tightness in my chest
0:05:54 > 0:05:56AND butterflies in my stomach.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Sounds like you WERE scared, Chief.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01It was certainly scarier than that annoying, talking skull.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04What talking skull?
0:06:04 > 0:06:06This one!
0:06:06 > 0:06:09And soon you will truly understand the meaning of...
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Chief! It's the Headless Postman.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14It's more a postman-less head.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Pay attention, I'm avenging here.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19I have a special delivery for you,
0:06:19 > 0:06:21a delivery of terror!
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Oh, go on, then, but I'm warning you, I have nerves of steel.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Behold, my true form!
0:06:33 > 0:06:36This scene was rated too scary for television,
0:06:36 > 0:06:38so here's a picture of a kitten and a puppy instead.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40THEY SCREAM
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Whoa! Went back too early.
0:06:42 > 0:06:43What about now?
0:06:43 > 0:06:44THEY SCREAM
0:06:44 > 0:06:47I'm not paid by the hour, you know.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49What's that? I am?
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Right.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51Take your time.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Oh, no. They're ready for us.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57You can't hide from me forever, spawn of Ichabod.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59I will find you.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Chief, you're terrified.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05If it wasn't for the fact I'm frozen in fear, I'd celebrate.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10I have waited for 200 years for my revenge.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13I will first terrify the ones you love,
0:07:13 > 0:07:17and then everyone else in the world forever!
0:07:20 > 0:07:22HE SQUEALS
0:07:23 > 0:07:25HE SCREAMS
0:07:25 > 0:07:28He's coming! He's coming!
0:07:28 > 0:07:30PENFOLD SCREAMS
0:07:30 > 0:07:33You can't hide from me forever, spawn of Ichabod.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36I will find you.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38THEY SCREAM
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Ow! Ow.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Hedgehog spikes.
0:07:44 > 0:07:45Do you mind?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47This one's occupied. Oh, my!
0:07:47 > 0:07:49HE FARTS
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Well, that's loosened everything up nicely.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53BONES CHATTER
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Chief, you need to face your fear and get out there.
0:07:57 > 0:07:58Here's a better idea,
0:07:58 > 0:08:01why don't YOU face my fear and get out there?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03BANGING
0:08:03 > 0:08:04HE GASPS
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Did you hear that?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08I'm pretending I didn't.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- HE SQUEALS - Scary child! Scary child!
0:08:11 > 0:08:13It's only Danger Puppy, Chief.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Were you running away?
0:08:15 > 0:08:16Yes!
0:08:16 > 0:08:19But... But you're heroes.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21And lo... That's too low.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24And lo, the end of days is upon us, viewers,
0:08:24 > 0:08:29as our heroes abandon their duty to cower in a wardrobe.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Has it come to this?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34The world's mightiest agent scared of a puppy?!
0:08:34 > 0:08:37He's right, Chief. This is bad.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39No-one's scared of puppies.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Or are they?
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Penfold, I have an idea.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45It's time for everyone to face their fears.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46I will need you to push.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51BONES CHATTERING
0:08:51 > 0:08:54HE GRUNTS
0:08:54 > 0:08:55- Penfold?- Yes, Chief?
0:08:55 > 0:08:56I'm really scared.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58BONES CHATTER
0:08:59 > 0:09:01That's all right, Chief.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03We can be scared together.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Thank you, Penfold.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Right. Ready or not...
0:09:07 > 0:09:08- BOTH:- Definitely not!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11..here we come, Postman.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17Open your eyes and behold the terror of...
0:09:17 > 0:09:19- Postman! Postman!- Oh, a dog!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21- HE SCREAMS - I hate dogs!
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Come back, Mr Postman!
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Let's play!
0:09:25 > 0:09:26What happened?
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Everyone's scared of something, and what are postmen afraid of?
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Stamps that are still wet with other people's saliva?
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Dogs, Penfold.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35But, yes, I imagine that's not very nice either.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Help!
0:09:37 > 0:09:39We'll let them play for a bit, then close the track.
0:09:39 > 0:09:40HE BARKS
0:09:40 > 0:09:42POSTMAN SCREAMS HE BARKS
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- Help! - POSTMAN GRUNTS
0:09:58 > 0:10:04DM, you've shown yourself to be a lily-livered, scaredy cat,
0:10:04 > 0:10:06"Ooh, a ghost, a ghost,"
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- cowardy custard... - We get the idea, Colonel.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11But brave, DM.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Oh, gosh, brave.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15I couldn't have done it without Penfold or Danger Puppy, sir.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Where DID you send the Postman?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Hey, Baroney, there's a parcel for you.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23It is a big one.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24WRAPPING RIPS
0:10:24 > 0:10:26THEY SCREAM
0:10:26 > 0:10:30And so Danger Mouse learns that without fear there is no courage,
0:10:30 > 0:10:34and small puppies are terrifying, or something like that.
0:10:34 > 0:10:39Join us next time for another horrific adventure of Danger Mouse.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42# He's the greatest
0:10:42 > 0:10:44# He's fantastic
0:10:44 > 0:10:47# Wherever there is danger he'll be there
0:10:47 > 0:10:50# Danger Mouse
0:10:50 > 0:10:53# Danger Mouse
0:10:53 > 0:10:57# Danger Mouse! #