0:00:02 > 0:00:06- Good morning!- 'I'm not talking to you.'- You just did, didn't you?
0:00:06 > 0:00:09'No. I'm using...' VOICE SPEEDS UP: 'I'm using...'
0:00:09 > 0:00:12'a neural telepathic interface.'
0:00:12 > 0:00:16- Same difference.- 'There's been a serious breach of on-board protocol.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20- 'I'm referring it to high authority.' - What are you talking... Sorry.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23- ..interfacing about?- 'You ate the last crystalberry jam!'
0:00:23 > 0:00:29- Yeah, so?- I was saving it!- You'll have to get up earlier, won't you?
0:00:29 > 0:00:32- Lazybones.- You don't even like crystalberry jam.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35- I fancied a change! - So you are without remorse?
0:00:35 > 0:00:38- Pretty much, yeah.- So be it.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40- What is it? - HE MUNCHES
0:00:41 > 0:00:43- SHE GASPS - No!
0:00:43 > 0:00:47Not my fish-spring chutney imported from Garrigonnum 5?
0:00:47 > 0:00:50- You absolutely loathe it! - Now we're even.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55I suppose the next supply ship won't arrive for months.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57No. It's arriving just after Dani's House.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Hi, my name's Dani.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04- And this is my fantastic new... - Best friend Jack!
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Yeah, but... Oh, where was I?
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Your name's Dani, and I'm your best friend too, Sam.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12As I was saying, this is my fantastic new... Max!
0:01:12 > 0:01:15I'm her brother, and actually, it's... Ben?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17What? Oh! It's our show...
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Can you just zip it?!
0:01:19 > 0:01:22As I was saying, my name's Dani and this is my fantastic new...
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- THEY ALL SHOUT - I give up!
0:01:26 > 0:01:28THEY ARGUE
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Owwwwwwwww!
0:01:32 > 0:01:36If I could bend that way, I'd be making good money in the circus.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39I'm doing a video to go with my latest song.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42It's got a tricky dance routine, so I'm trying to get into shape.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- Pretzel-shaped, more like!- Right!
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Stork position.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49- Leg goes there...- Right.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51- Arms raised... - JACK: I can't see!
0:01:51 > 0:01:54- Find your balance...- I think I left it in my other jeans.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57- Dani, you're doing it! - Hey, look at me, I'm doing it!
0:01:57 > 0:01:59- Just hop to your left...- Do you mind?
0:01:59 > 0:02:02I'm teaching Dani to be more flexible.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05OK. Well, how about she does her yoga after my programme?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- I want to achieve something. - If it's looking a dilly, you have!
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Ignore him. He has no conception of fitness.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Actually, I'm totally fit.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15My body is a well-honed machine.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18A machine for eating crisps and yawning, more like.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20- When did you last do a workout? - I don't need to.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24- I'm a natural athlete.- So...never?
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Ha ha! I could run a marathon tomorrow if I felt like it.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31Yeah, right! I've seen you rest on the way to the fridge. Marathon?
0:02:31 > 0:02:33You couldn't even do a fun run.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Fun? And running? Doesn't really seem right.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40Not for you. The only time you break a sweat is after a vindaloo pizza.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Vindaloo...! Mmmmm!
0:02:44 > 0:02:47I mean...rubbish! I could do a fun run any day.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- Just your luck then.- Really?
0:02:49 > 0:02:52There's one next week. 10 kilometres for Sport Relief.
0:02:52 > 0:02:5410k? Is that all?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- That's over six miles. - Pffft! Piece of cake.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- I mean...nutritious energy bar. - All right then.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Let me be the first to sponsor you.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Put me down a pound for every kilometre.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07- What?- Me too. Make that two quid.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09- Five quid.- Ten.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Ten quid a kilometre? Both of you?
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Don't think I'll need to raid my piggy bank!
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Jack, the world's fastest couch potato!
0:03:17 > 0:03:19THEY LAUGH
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Ah, Jack. Please, lie down.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28You'll be fully grown soon.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Have you considered what you'd like to be? Boiled, fried, baked?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I was thinking of something with an international flavour.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38Ah, dauphinoise. Patatas bravas.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Not really. Like, a film director.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45A top rocket scientist. A rich playboy, who's really a spy!
0:03:45 > 0:03:46I've got lots of eyes.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Well, yes, because you're a potato.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- I want to be different.- A new potato!
0:03:51 > 0:03:55I applaud your ambition. Have you considered being
0:03:55 > 0:03:59a lipid-immersed carbohydrate delivery platform?
0:03:59 > 0:04:02- You mean a chip?- Well, yes. But it's good steady work.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06I feel too starchy as it is! I'm running a marathon.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Jack, Jack, you're a tuber! Accept it. Take it lying down.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13No! I have dreams. I could be the first spud in space.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- You leave me no choice.- What...?
0:04:16 > 0:04:20No! No! No! HE SHRIEKS
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Die, die, die, die, die, die!
0:04:23 > 0:04:25I've died.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27As a zombie holds me down and eats my brain.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Just a normal day at the office.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31- GROANING ON GAME - Die, die, die... Hey!
0:04:31 > 0:04:34How can you stand to play that old heap of junk?
0:04:34 > 0:04:38You said this console was at the bleeding edge of tomorrow.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- Art fused with technology to become hyper-entertainment.- Last month!
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Now look at it. What a dinosaur!
0:04:44 > 0:04:48My grandad could draw faster graphics with his watercolour set.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Check THIS out.
0:04:51 > 0:04:5212 gigapixels,
0:04:52 > 0:04:56and 10 million independently shaded polygons per second.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Wow! ..What does that mean?
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Zombies with photo-realistic drool.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05We've got to get one. How much?
0:05:05 > 0:05:07- £350.- How much do you have?
0:05:23 > 0:05:28£4.76 and a 10 krona note.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Right. Shall I plug the old console back in now?
0:05:31 > 0:05:33No! We're better than this.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36There must be something devious we can do.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44You're not fooling anyone but yourself.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Well, it's a good start. And I'm definitely getting more flexible.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- Like some supple willow sapling?- No!
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Like old knicker elastic.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56I've done it! I've done it.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59- Finally lost your marbles? - No. I've entered the fun run.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02I'm number 3472.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- Do you think I'll be near the front? - You've entered?
0:06:06 > 0:06:08I'll be tearing round that course in a week.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10THEY LAUGH
0:06:10 > 0:06:12- No way.- In your couch potato dreams!
0:06:12 > 0:06:16Oh, come on! You two have seriously inspired me.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19You'll be glad to know I'm doing it for Sport Relief.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Wait. We agreed to sponsor him.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26You said ten quid a kilometre.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28- That's...- £100 each.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32- What?!- Relax! Jack goes off on one sometimes.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35He'll soon see something shiny and forget all about it.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Ooooh!
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Pretty!
0:06:44 > 0:06:46No... No.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47I'm in training.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55One!
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Two!
0:07:01 > 0:07:04100% improvement.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Way to go, Jack. A new PB.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09- PB?- Personal best.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13# I'm a little Dutch girl Dressed in blue
0:07:15 > 0:07:18# These are the things I'd like to do... #
0:07:18 > 0:07:22- You'll hurt yourself.- Or the runner in front when you fall on him.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23Or both!
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Oh, I see! It's OK for you to have goals.
0:07:26 > 0:07:31But as soon as I challenge myself to be all I can be,
0:07:31 > 0:07:33then all you can do is laugh.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Basically, yeah!
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Jack, be realistic.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42All my life, people have told me to be realistic.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43What's so good about reality?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Was Churchill realistic?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Was Michelangelo realistic?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- Actually, yes. - Was Einstein...realistic?
0:07:52 > 0:07:56No. He was relative...istic!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59I made a physics joke!
0:08:00 > 0:08:02And they said it couldn't be done!
0:08:04 > 0:08:09- You have great future ahead of you. - As a physicist, Professor Einstein?
0:08:09 > 0:08:14No! As a comedian. That is the funniest equation I've ever seen!
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:08:18 > 0:08:21CHALK SQUEAKS
0:08:21 > 0:08:23So the horse said to the bartender,
0:08:23 > 0:08:27"I think you'll find the length of my face is simply a result of...
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- "years of natural selection!" - THEY ROAR WITH LAUGHTER
0:08:30 > 0:08:34Thank you, you've been a great crowd. I'm here all week!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39SHE WHINNIES
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Anyway, remember we're on for a curry tonight?
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Not me. I have to watch what I eat.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57- My body is my temple.- This coming from the human wheelie bin?
0:08:58 > 0:08:59I didn't know he was that strong.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Don't worry, they're not as heavy as they look.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Jack, we hear you're doing a fun run.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14- Congratulations!- Yeah. My mate's dad did one once.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17He got a hairline fracture of the pelvis. It was agonising.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20They had to put all these metal pins in his... Ow!
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Probably overdid it on the training.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- I'm not falling into that trap.- I can't see any way you could improve.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31Hey, thanks! Nice to hear someone being positive for a change.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33So you can concentrate on the race,
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- we'll take on your sponsorship drive.- For free.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Of course, there will be some unavoidable expenses.
0:09:39 > 0:09:44Leaflets, websites, entertainment...
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- Entertainment?- Taking sponsors out for slushies.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51Don't worry. We'll handle it all. We raise money while you...
0:09:51 > 0:09:52Raise your knees!
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I want to get pots of money for Sport Relief.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56And I don't care how you do it.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00Super. You can just leave that to us then.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02So great to help people in need.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Especially children.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO! - Ommmmmmm....
0:10:08 > 0:10:10GRUMBLING
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Sorry!
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Can't you even go an hour without tea and toast?
0:10:15 > 0:10:18ANGRY GRUMBLING
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- Ommmmmmm... - DOORBELL RINGS
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Jack, it's seven o'clock in the morning.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Saw your light on. I'm inspired by your example.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32- We're so committed! - We should be.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- I've been running since 5:30.- What?!
0:10:34 > 0:10:38I can't believe it either. It's like a new me!
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Only threw up twice.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Sam! Never mind the time.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Guess who rocked up here after his early morning run?
0:10:48 > 0:10:52Well, try! If he gets fit, we're both out of £100.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Get here now!
0:10:56 > 0:10:57YOU calm down!
0:10:57 > 0:10:59No, you calm down!
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Eugh! What is that?
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Protein milkshake.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10You know, since you got up and did a long run,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13you deserve a proper breakfast.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- Well...- I'll make it for you. That's what friends are for.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Now, what would you like?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Eggs,
0:11:21 > 0:11:22a couple of pounds of bacon,
0:11:22 > 0:11:24sausages,
0:11:24 > 0:11:25tomatoes,
0:11:25 > 0:11:28or you can have some hot, buttery toast.
0:11:28 > 0:11:29They all sound delicious.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32No, thanks.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36I need to stick to my training regime. Oh, I will have some eggs.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42BOTH: Eugh!
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- So this would be...- The lid. Yeah.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51Jack, look, no offence, but this is so unlike you.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55- What, forgetting to put the lid on? - No, that's totally like you.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57I mean, the getting up early, trying hard,
0:11:57 > 0:12:00remembering what you're meant to be doing.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01Oh-h!
0:12:01 > 0:12:02What?
0:12:02 > 0:12:03Yeah. I know.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07It's like I've had this winner living inside of me all this time,
0:12:07 > 0:12:11but he's always been kept down by Mr Why-Should-I-Try?
0:12:11 > 0:12:16- or Mr Afraid-To-Lose - those are the nagging nabobs of negativity.- Yeah.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Shall I let you in on my secret?
0:12:20 > 0:12:23I downloaded this motivational thinking course.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25You play it while you sleep.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28It made me see that I could do anything I want to do.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Great(!)
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Ever since I stopped listening to the fail whale
0:12:31 > 0:12:34and started swimming with the salmon of success,
0:12:34 > 0:12:38I've realised that I'm basically better than anyone else around me.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43The "fail whale"?
0:12:48 > 0:12:55Imagine you're a raisin in a giant warm currant bun of love.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56Embrace your inner winner,
0:12:56 > 0:13:01and if anyone gets in your way, gently crush them.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04They're just jealous.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Aren't you teaching us it's OK to be smug and selfish?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Oh, dear, John.
0:13:09 > 0:13:15It seems John has been talking to the fail whale again.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Good. Now, anyone else?
0:13:25 > 0:13:29Let's form a circle and pat ourselves on the back.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34I said, "Pat!"
0:13:36 > 0:13:39What's wrong with people? They're just so uncharitable.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43- Not like you.- I put 50p in the collection box at the school disco.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Yeah, then took out a note.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49Can you believe someone put 10 krona in? How low can you stoop?
0:13:49 > 0:13:51The website's been live for seven hours
0:13:51 > 0:13:55and, so far, only one person has signed up to sponsor Jack.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- One person? That's great. - For 2p a kilometre
0:13:58 > 0:14:03- with a 10p bonus if he has to be put down?- Cheapskates.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06At this rate, we won't raise nearly enough money for Sport Relief.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08I spent £100 on the website and this.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16- So that means...- We're 100 quid less 20p in debt.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- I get it all except the "we" part. - WE are in this together.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23If worst comes to worst, you'll have to sell your misshapen vegetables.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- No! Not my babies! - It hasn't come to that yet,
0:14:26 > 0:14:29but we're going to have to do something drastic.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Ugh! 59...60...61...
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- 62...- Hi, Jack.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- Looking good! - But he's standing on that. ..Ow!
0:14:41 > 0:14:44You're an inspiration to us all.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47I realised I can't let anything get in my way.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48Not even reality.
0:14:48 > 0:14:53- So, how's the sponsorship drive? - Jack, we won't lie to you.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54- It's going brilliantly!- Great!
0:14:54 > 0:14:58To help it go even better, we want you to run in this.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Cool.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Er...why?
0:15:03 > 0:15:04To help raise your profile -
0:15:04 > 0:15:08you know, like some people run dressed as salt and pepper shakers
0:15:08 > 0:15:10or as Batman and Robin.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Or a dog and a lamp-post.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- See, you're a gnome, everybody loves gnomes.- I don't.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18I find them sinister and creepy.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Aren't these a bit long? I thought gnomes were supposed to be tiny.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Trust me. You're not going to be any old gnome.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28We're going to make sure you stand out from the crowd.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Wow! I'll be a hero -
0:15:30 > 0:15:35like the guy who did the very first marathon...whatever his name was.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41Look, a runner from the Plain of Marathon.
0:15:41 > 0:15:42What news?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Four words. ..First word.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Sounds like.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51- Fart.- Fart...
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Hands.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Sounds like fart...hands.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Spartans!
0:15:59 > 0:16:01The Spartans hold the...
0:16:02 > 0:16:03..banana!
0:16:03 > 0:16:07The Spartans hold the banana!
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Horse...overtake...
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Pass.
0:16:14 > 0:16:21- The Spartans hold the pass! - CHEERING
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Tell us your name and we will hold a race in your honour.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25It's Jack.
0:16:25 > 0:16:31Then wee shall call the race a "marathon"!
0:16:33 > 0:16:36We could try and superglue him to the couch
0:16:36 > 0:16:37with a box set of horror films.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40He'll probably fall into a canal.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44- No, he's spookily focused. He might actually do it.- So?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Isn't that sort of good?
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Yeah, if you've got 100 quid to spare.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52I know it's a lot of money, but Jack's our friend.
0:16:52 > 0:16:53We should be supportive.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57- And Sport Relief is a brilliant cause.- That's true.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01BOTH SCREAM
0:17:01 > 0:17:02What do you think?
0:17:02 > 0:17:05- It's my costume for the race. - A gnome?- Yeah.
0:17:05 > 0:17:10The way I see it, anyone can do a fun run, but I'm better than that.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13I'll do it in record time whilst raising loads of dosh.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- Oh, is that all?- No, and I'm doing it on stilts.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21I'll be famous, but don't worry, I won't forget about the little people,
0:17:21 > 0:17:24like you, who helped me stand out.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30- Forget the money. He needs taking down a peg or seven.- Yeah.
0:17:30 > 0:17:31Where do we start?
0:17:32 > 0:17:35TAPE PLAYS: 'Nail those nagging nabobs of negativity,
0:17:35 > 0:17:38'and flick the tail of the fail whale.'
0:17:38 > 0:17:42- DREAMY AMERICAN ACCENT: - You are excellent at many things,
0:17:42 > 0:17:45like burping the National Anthem,
0:17:45 > 0:17:49and biting your toenails, but running ain't one of them.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53You feel positive, focused and tired,
0:17:53 > 0:17:57incredibly tired all the time.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Your legs feel like wet noodles
0:18:00 > 0:18:05and you have an insatiable appetite for cheese.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Yeah! By tomorrow, he'll be struggling to run a bath.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Don't try fly-posting the windows of the minicab office.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16They're quite touchy.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19The world's tallest gnome is getting hits but no-one's giving.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23This is destroying my faith in humanity.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26- You have faith in humanity? - We need to get people here...
0:18:26 > 0:18:27make them feel his pain.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30I know, what about if we gave him a half-hour head start
0:18:30 > 0:18:32and then sent bloodhounds after him?
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- Nah.- Flying monkeys?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37How about he could run in scuba gear
0:18:37 > 0:18:39- with his head in a bowlful of goldfish?- Why?
0:18:39 > 0:18:43Or he sets off the other way, runs round the world, minus 10k.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45I've got it! He'll be in training. Come on.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- Let's hope he falls over. - Yeah, we'll make a fortune.
0:18:48 > 0:18:53- We're going to make millions. - Trip him up, trip him up!
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Millions.
0:18:57 > 0:19:02'And you have an insatiable appetite for cheese!'
0:19:20 > 0:19:21Oh!
0:19:23 > 0:19:251...
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Oh, what's the use?
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Top hat, coat, pair of shoes
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Don't try cos you're bound to lose!
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Agh! What's wrong with me?
0:19:35 > 0:19:40'You're as weak as a kitten. Your legs are like wet noodles.'
0:19:49 > 0:19:51SWITCHES TV ON
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Ha-ha-ha! Great!
0:19:57 > 0:20:00No, I can't let everyone down.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02SWITCHES TV OFF I'm going to go for a training run.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Come on! I've got to dig deep.
0:20:07 > 0:20:12- 'And you have an insatiable appetite for cheese.'- Hold on.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20Human confidence is so fragile.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22One minute you're up, then you're down.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26- "Oh, I'm the biz!" "Oh, I'm a wombat!"- Oh, it's true.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30You ARE a wombat. I'm glad you said it and not me.
0:20:30 > 0:20:31It's a shame.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34You've got that kind of almost handsome face, haven't you?
0:20:34 > 0:20:39This won't work. Rationally, I know I'm quite good-looking.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42- If your tentacles weren't so close together.- Nice try.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46And that bulbous forehead and those neck warts.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48You don't have nearly enough of them.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Wow! He scoffed the whole plate.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59- The only record he'll be breaking as quick is giving up.- Teach him!
0:20:59 > 0:21:00The big...show-off!
0:21:00 > 0:21:05That friend of yours - what was his name again?
0:21:06 > 0:21:10Right! That would be Eric.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Eric - who's always showing off about his...
0:21:14 > 0:21:15car.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Oh, hi, Jack.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- Sam was just telling me about her friend Eric.- Don't even bother.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- What do you mean?- That's what you told me, wasn't it?
0:21:23 > 0:21:26"You're very tired, weak as a kitten.
0:21:26 > 0:21:31- "You have an insatiable appetite for cheese."- We're sorry.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Do you have any idea what that amount of cheese
0:21:34 > 0:21:36does to a delicate runner's metabolism?
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Yeah. Does anybody mind if I open a window?
0:21:40 > 0:21:44- I thought I could count on your help. I thought you were friends.- You can.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46- We are.- What about people Sport Relief help?
0:21:46 > 0:21:48We're totally ashamed, aren't we?
0:21:48 > 0:21:51I'm prepared to let bygones be bygones if...
0:21:51 > 0:21:53you tell me where you keep the cheese!
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- Jack! You can still do this fun run. - No, I'm a hopeless loser.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59No, you're not. Now snap out of it!
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Little man in big trousers.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03No, Jack, we're going to find that inner winner
0:22:03 > 0:22:06and we're going to give him a big hug.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09You're going to run that race on those stilts in this,
0:22:09 > 0:22:13setting a new time record for a cheese-crazed gnome on stilts.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Now, lift that weight.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Miaow!
0:22:17 > 0:22:18Did he just miaow?
0:22:18 > 0:22:21OK. We've got a long way to go.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23BOYS LAUGH
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- What a total goon.- Yeah.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29He doesn't mean me, does he?
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Oh, here's a good bit.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33The dog comes in and chases Jack.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36This is so weird. I'm actually laughing at a gnome.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38We're getting loads of sponsors.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40They all want more of the giant gnome.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43They wouldn't give money for someone running for charity.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47But they'll pay to see someone do dumb things and hurt themselves.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50My faith in humanity is restored.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52And with the money we'll cream off for "expenses",
0:22:52 > 0:22:55soon that latest console will be ours.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Realistic drool, here we come.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00We need more footage. We need to feed the beast.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Race day's here and this is it. Have you got Jack's racing numbers?
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Check.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08- Isotonic drinks for electrolyte replacement?- Check.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11- Cuddly bunny.- Check.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13- Things you say in chess.- Check.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- Slip from the bank.- Cheque!
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Er, guys? BOTH: Sorry!
0:23:18 > 0:23:22- We've got tons of sponsorship.- The last batch went down really well.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23Batch? What batch?
0:23:23 > 0:23:28The batch...of news about how well Jack's' training's going.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32- It's time!- Jack, are you ready? Let's go.
0:23:37 > 0:23:38Jack, what is that?
0:23:38 > 0:23:44- Hmm? What's what?- The car!- Oh, this? Oh, this is part of my costume.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46It's my gnomobile. All cool gnomes have them.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49You can't enter a fun run in a tiny car.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51It's OK. I don't need a licence.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53That would be cheating - you're not running yourself.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57- So you don't think I'd get away... - Not a chance.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Then we might have a problem.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02What have you done to your leg?
0:24:02 > 0:24:05I went out for a final training run last night,
0:24:05 > 0:24:07someone dropped this and I slipped on it.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11- Just bad luck, I guess.- Looks like a lens cap for a video camera.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Yeah, but what am I going to do. I don't want to let you guys down,
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- or Sport Relief or those who believe in me.- You're doing it,
0:24:17 > 0:24:19if we have to carry you every step of the way.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23- Thanks, but I don't think this will work.- Don't listen to the fail whale.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Swim with the salmon of success.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Have I missed something here?
0:24:27 > 0:24:32- You're number 2. I am 3.- And I'm 47.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- Hey, you're a prime number. - You'd better believe it, baby.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39- Good!- Whee!
0:24:40 > 0:24:42- Ben.- Sorry.
0:24:42 > 0:24:43HORN BEEPS
0:24:44 > 0:24:47This is excellent. The money's really rolling in.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Never mind a new games console,
0:24:49 > 0:24:52we might be able to afford real zombies.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57THEY SHOUT "Die!"
0:25:02 > 0:25:04- Oh, no! They're re-spawning.- Oh!
0:25:06 > 0:25:10This is going to be a tougher level than we thought, Ben. ..Ben?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Aggh!
0:25:14 > 0:25:18- Ow!- Ow!- Agh!- Agh!
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Did we really just do that?
0:25:21 > 0:25:22I think so.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26To be honest, the last three kilometres were a complete blur.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30This is, without doubt, the greatest achievement of my life.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Think of all the money we raised for Sport Relief!
0:25:33 > 0:25:34HE HUMS CHEERILY
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Why aren't you limping any more?
0:25:39 > 0:25:42My leg's feeling a lot better now. It must have just been a bad cramp.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46You mean, we ran all that way for nothing?!
0:25:46 > 0:25:48I wanted to quit but you wouldn't let me.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- We're a team. How cool is that? - Ow!- Ow!
0:25:51 > 0:25:53- Ow!- Ow!
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Fantastic run, Jack. The money's pouring in.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58- No-one thought the idiot gnome could do it.- Wait.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01You saying there was another gnome racing?
0:26:01 > 0:26:05Yeah, er, anyway, nice one, see you.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09- Um, where are you going with all of that?- This is just our expenses.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- We need to pay some things back. - Not buy a new games console.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15That wouldn't be THIS new games console, would it?
0:26:15 > 0:26:18How about the people who really need it?
0:26:18 > 0:26:22- Come on, Max.- Come to Uncle Jack. There's a good evil genius.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26All of it.
0:26:29 > 0:26:30Agh!
0:26:30 > 0:26:31Agghh!
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Aggh! No-o!
0:26:33 > 0:26:36GIRLS: Give, give, give if you want to live!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Not my 10 krona note!
0:26:39 > 0:26:42You're in the way.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45- How's the dance video going?- Shot it. Went well. Already uploaded.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47- How's it doing?- Good. Getting hits.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Not as many as the latest clip
0:26:49 > 0:26:51of some complete prat humiliating himself, though.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Yeah, let's have a look.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58It's amazing what some saddos do for a bit of attention.
0:26:58 > 0:26:59Yeah, isn't it?
0:26:59 > 0:27:02DOG BARKS ON CLIP
0:27:02 > 0:27:04- Oh, here comes the dog. - Leave me alone!
0:27:10 > 0:27:13- The gnome scares me. - I just wanted to say...
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Aggh!
0:27:16 > 0:27:18..thanks, guys, I'm finally famous.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22You can come out now!
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Another fine episode.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28- You were frightened at the end.- No, I wasn't.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31I, um...dropped my transcoder.
0:27:31 > 0:27:37I'm off for some toast. Stay here if you're so brave.
0:27:37 > 0:27:42By the way, all those tales of ghostly space gnomes dragging people
0:27:42 > 0:27:46out of the airlock, that's a nonsense.
0:27:50 > 0:27:51EVIL LAUGHTER
0:27:51 > 0:27:55Help! Co-ordinator Zang!
0:27:55 > 0:27:56Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd