0:00:06 > 0:00:09Calling to Zark, this place is a mess.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13- As the humans would say, "It is time for a spring clean."- Good idea!
0:00:17 > 0:00:21- That's the springs clean.- When was the last time we tidied up in here?
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Exactly seven sarzons ago, to the day.
0:00:24 > 0:00:28Ah, yes, I remember. You threw the junk out of the hatch up there.
0:00:28 > 0:00:33- And do you know how long one full revolution of our galaxy takes?- No.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Exactly seven sarzons.
0:00:35 > 0:00:36Ah.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39CRASH AND BANGS
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Ah, I was wondering where this went.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43It's so tiny, what is it?
0:00:43 > 0:00:46I picked it up years ago on one of the moons of Bot.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48It's a little big noise.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49What's a little big noise?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51I'll show you.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53LOUD HORN
0:00:56 > 0:00:58How sweet. What a marvellous way
0:00:58 > 0:01:01to start another fine episode of Dani's House.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02PARDON?!
0:01:02 > 0:01:06Hi, my name's Dani and this is my fantastic new...
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Best friend Jack!
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Yeah, but...oh, where was I?!
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Your name's Dani and I'm your best friend too, Sam.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16As I was saying, this is my fantastic new...Max!
0:01:16 > 0:01:18I'm her brother and, actually, it's Ben.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20What? Oh, it's our show!
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Can you just dip it!
0:01:23 > 0:01:26As I was saying, my name's Dani and this is my fantastic new...
0:01:26 > 0:01:27- What did I tell you?- Ooh!
0:01:27 > 0:01:29I give up!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31THEY SHOUT
0:01:36 > 0:01:41Oh, hi! Been told to have a clean out. This house is full of junk.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43None of it mine, of course.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45I mean, look at this.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48I don't even know what it is!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Jack, you're meant to play them, not wear them.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54I take it the children's party didn't go too well, then?
0:01:54 > 0:01:58Kids today! No appreciation for the art of the DJ.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01They didn't even know what a BPM is.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- A BPM?- Big Pants Monkey?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Beats Per Minute!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08It was just a joke, no need to bite my head off.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Sorry. I'm just fed up of them kids.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13They should have been throwing shapes on the dance floor,
0:02:13 > 0:02:15not crisps and jelly.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Don't be down. DJ-ing for five-year-olds is a tricky one.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20I just need something to get their...
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Attention?
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Wow! A nine volt sub musical sub pump, cool!
0:02:24 > 0:02:25A what?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27No, that's for charity.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31- Fig biscuits?- No, they're for the bin, I found them under Max's bed.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Jack! They're best before the end of March.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36- So?- 2003!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Best before, not too bad after.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43He's sick.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48- So, I just need something to keep their...- Attention.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Yep, that's it.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Aren't you going to offer me one?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Mmm, they're vintage. Best before March 2003.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59That's disgusting.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02How do I keep the attention of a bunch of five-year-olds?
0:03:02 > 0:03:03- Do some impressions.- Mmm!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- What's that?- Jack in the box!
0:03:12 > 0:03:14- Do some magic!- Magic?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Kids love magic.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- I can do magic.- You can?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- You know those fig rolls I've just eaten?- Yeah.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24I'm about to make them reappear.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Excuse me.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- Haven't you heard of knocking?- Nope.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35- That's my stuff!- Your junk. We're having a spring clean.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39I came in yesterday and sorted out some of it, but you can do the rest.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42- You came into my bedroom?- Yes.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43- Without asking?- Yes.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45- To throw away my stuff?- Yes.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- And...- Listen, no matter how many times you ask me
0:03:48 > 0:03:50or whatever you ask me, the answer is always yes.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- Can I have my "junk" back?- No.
0:03:54 > 0:03:59- Junk.- No way, get out, you have no right to disrespect me like that.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00I'm not a five-year-old.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Well, that's debatable.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Fine, if you're gonna treat me like a five-year-old,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07I'm gonna act like a five-year-old.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10- And how will we know?- That does it.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Waaaaah! Waaah!
0:04:13 > 0:04:18Make me a sandwich, make me a drink. I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I'm bored.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I hate you! Waaah!
0:04:21 > 0:04:22And, uh, what's new?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26You covered me in spit!
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Right! That's it, five-year-old, stay in your room!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Hi, Ben. Bye, Ben.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- Oh, by the way, Ben.- Yeah.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40- Max is behaving like a complete idiot.- Excellent.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Not quite the response I was expecting.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46Waaah!
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Waaah!
0:04:50 > 0:04:51Waaah!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Aren't you going to ask me why I'm crying like a baby?
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- No.- Why not?
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- Because it's fun.- It's fun asking me why I'm crying like a baby?
0:05:00 > 0:05:02No, I mean it's fun crying like a baby.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06- Maybe. But it also drives Dani mad. - Just being you drives Dani mad.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08But this'll drive her madderer.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- Madderer?!- Yes.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12- Is that a word?- I just made it up.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Oh! Very cleverer.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16I'm going to pretend I'm five-years-old.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Wow!
0:05:18 > 0:05:20A 9-volt submersible sump pump!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Dani thinks she's throwing away loads of old toys.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25A what?!
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Old toys like this, eh?
0:05:27 > 0:05:31Little Max! My cuddly, childhood friend.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34He shouldn't be in with all the junk.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40I mean, he's great for this five-year-old wind-up act.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43HE BEATBOXES
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Make some noise, people! This trick is massive!
0:05:49 > 0:05:51HE SCRATCHES
0:05:56 > 0:06:00Let me hear you people say, "Abra-cad-abra".
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Abracadabra...
0:06:09 > 0:06:11So...this was your bright idea.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13It's got to keep five-year-olds interested.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15I suggest magic.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17- Tragic.- Take it to the max.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22No, no, no! Sam, the max.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23As in "the maximum".
0:06:23 > 0:06:28I've never heard him called Maximum. How formal. Is it Latin?
0:06:28 > 0:06:31My piece de resistance!
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Watch as I make everything disappear.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Yeah, from the dance floor.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Oh, gross!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41I've seen the next bit of this trick.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Trust me, you don't want to see it reappear.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Oh, we love Little Max.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56He's very old. I had him when I was a baby.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Hello, Little Max. Nice to meet you. I'm Ben.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02You do know I'm only pretending to drive Dani mad?
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- Madderer.- That's right. It's all part of the act.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07I know. But he is nice.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Can I cuddle Little Max?
0:07:10 > 0:07:11No!
0:07:12 > 0:07:16No, it's not just about cuddling Little Max.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Five-year-olds do other stuff that'll wind-up Dani too,
0:07:19 > 0:07:21like screaming and shouting.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23I know. But just a quick cuddle.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26I said no, didn't I!
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Oh, you're pretending again.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Can I try it too?
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I suppose both of us doing it could really wind Dani up.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- Even winderer!- Like it.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Can I have a cuddle now then?
0:07:38 > 0:07:39Mine! Get your own.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Hello, Little Max, I'm Big Ben.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50You do know I'm only pretending, right, to wind Dani up?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52I know. But it is fun though.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- Yeah.- Come on, let's make them do a funny dance.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59Boom-boom-chck-chck-boom-boom-chck- boom-boom-chck...
0:08:00 > 0:08:04Let's see if my stupid little brother has stopped behaving
0:08:04 > 0:08:05like a five-year-old.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07THEY YELL
0:08:08 > 0:08:09I'll take that as a no.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12So, you're still behaving like a five-year-old
0:08:12 > 0:08:15- Yes.- I'm behaving like a five-year-old to wind you up too.
0:08:15 > 0:08:16Thanks, Ben.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19So you're jumping around, throwing things,
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- messing things up to wind me up even more?- Yeah.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- Even winderer.- That's not a word.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27How would we know, we're only five(?)
0:08:27 > 0:08:31Fine, Sam, Jack and me are gonna have pepperoni pizza for lunch.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Yummy!
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Eh...not you two. You're only five years old, remember?
0:08:36 > 0:08:38My pizza's far too spicy.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39Here's your lunch.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Milk and jammy soldiers.
0:08:43 > 0:08:44What?!
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Yummy! I like jammy soldiers.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48So does Big Ben.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58Calling small strips of white bread "soldiers" is an insult.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01I agree. Why do they call them "soldiers" anyway?
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- Absolutely no idea.- Nor me.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06A proud soldier like me defends his nation
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- and fights for what is right. - Exactly.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11It's not like we go around dipping our heads into eggs.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14SCREAMING
0:09:14 > 0:09:16What's going on?
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Get it off!
0:09:17 > 0:09:21Oh, well, it's only an egg. Could've been worse I suppose.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23SCREAMING
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Told you.
0:09:29 > 0:09:34Thanks to you two, I've come up with the ultimate in kids' entertainment.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I'm now a DJ and...
0:09:37 > 0:09:38a magician.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41- It's OK, we'll wait for you to finish.- Mmm?
0:09:42 > 0:09:46- She didn't mean wait for you to finish the whole pizza.- Oh...
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Gross!
0:09:47 > 0:09:48..a magician.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51- Thought you said "mabician". - What's that?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54No idea. But you can't be worse at it than being a magician.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57I'm a great magician, aren't I, Sam?
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Well...
0:09:58 > 0:10:00you're a pretty good DJ.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02I'm a great DJ and a great magician.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06It's a cool DJ-ing and magic combo. Perfect for kids.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Can't you see?
0:10:09 > 0:10:13It's not just the five-year-olds who'll obviously slamming tunes.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14- BOTH:- Obviously.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17They'll also enjoy my disappearing eggs and balloon animals.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23A sausage dog.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29POP!
0:10:31 > 0:10:33OK...
0:10:33 > 0:10:34Watch this...
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Ze egg...
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Ze handkerchief...
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Wrap the egg like so.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Ah!
0:10:49 > 0:10:52That one might need a bit of perfecting.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56Now...gaze in awe as I saw...
0:10:56 > 0:10:57one of you in half.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00No thanks. I don't wanna end up like the egg.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03First a trick from us two...
0:11:03 > 0:11:08- OK.- Watch us disappear before your very eyes.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09I SAW how you did that.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Did you know I was once privileged enough to see the greatest magician?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17- Really?- Yes.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19He was on the planet Heypustovius.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21And who was this magician?
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Zanzeezee the Magnificent.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27He could make the Jack of Hearts rise from a pack of cards.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Was that worth travelling seven million light years for?
0:11:30 > 0:11:34Oh, but his greatest trick was making the entire universe disappear.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38- Really? The entire universe? - Yes, it completely vanished.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- Oh.- I can do the trick.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44- No! No, no! You'd better not. - Don't be silly, it's perfectly safe.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54The Jack of Hearts.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Ah... Phew. For a moment there
0:11:56 > 0:12:00I thought you were gonna make the entire universe disappear.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02And for me next trick.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Ah, very good. Ha-ha(!)
0:12:06 > 0:12:08- He's terrible.- I know.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12- He's the worst magician ever. I'm the one who encouraged him.- I know.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- We shouldn't laugh.- I know.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17- Five-year-olds can be a tough audience.- I know.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- He'll be humiliated.- I know. - What can we do?
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- We need him to realise before he performs before an audience.- I know.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Performing in front of people pretending to be five years old.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31- I know.- Max and Ben are pretending to be five years old.- I know.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33- They'll see Jack's act and hate it. - I know.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Jack'll never perform his act again
0:12:35 > 0:12:38and they'll regret pretending to be five years old. Win-win!
0:12:38 > 0:12:41- I know.- When did you start saying, "I know"?- When you stopped.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43- I know.- I know.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Now, Jack's gonna try out his new magic act
0:12:47 > 0:12:50and you're going to enjoy it, aren't you, Max?
0:12:50 > 0:12:52- No!- Yes.- No!- Yes.- No!
0:12:52 > 0:12:58No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- No! No!- This could take a while.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02No! No! No! No! No! No!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Probably don't want him to enjoy Jack's act?
0:13:05 > 0:13:08No. But Max always does the opposite to what I ask him
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Just make it look convincing.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13No! No! No! No! No!
0:13:13 > 0:13:14How many was that, Ben?
0:13:14 > 0:13:15487.
0:13:15 > 0:13:20OK, "yes" times 487 time infinity, plus...whatever.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23No. Nein. Non...
0:13:23 > 0:13:25times every language in the world,
0:13:25 > 0:13:28times infinity, plus one, plus a language
0:13:28 > 0:13:31that hasn't been discovered yet, plus another.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Oh! I give up. You win.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Ha!
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Sorry, Jack, I tried my best. I'm sure Max'll love it.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Good luck.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44HE BEATBOXES
0:13:44 > 0:13:50OK, kids, we're having it large. This is where the party starts - big time!
0:13:50 > 0:13:52HE SCRATCHES
0:13:52 > 0:13:56Let me hear you say, "Hello, to Jack the amazing DJ-gician!"
0:13:58 > 0:13:59- Oh!- Get off the stage!
0:13:59 > 0:14:01You're rubbish. Boring!
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Everyone loves a great DJ-ing and magic act.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06We don't. We hate you.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08- We hate you!- We hate you!
0:14:08 > 0:14:11We hate you! We hate you! We hate you!
0:14:11 > 0:14:12We hate you!
0:14:14 > 0:14:16The 9-volt submersible sump pump.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- How did he...? - Wait, you'll love this one.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23The incredible floating record.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25See? There's nothing up my sleeve.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Yes there is - a record.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Oh, yeah.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Sorry.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Quick, look at the instructions.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35Ah!
0:14:35 > 0:14:38See how it floats along my arm?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41And back again.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Eh?
0:14:43 > 0:14:44SMASH!
0:14:44 > 0:14:46- BEN LAUGHS - You're rubbish!
0:14:46 > 0:14:47Boring!
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- Get off!- Get off!
0:14:50 > 0:14:53BOTH: We hate you! We hate you!
0:14:53 > 0:14:57- Enough's enough! Give me that!- Hey, what do you think you're doing?
0:14:57 > 0:15:01- It's OK. He's going to be my assistant.- He's mine. Give him back!
0:15:01 > 0:15:06Don't you think you're taking this too far? Dani's not even here.
0:15:06 > 0:15:11- I don't care. Give him back.- You can borrow Big Ben if you like.
0:15:11 > 0:15:16- He's very cuddly.- Big Ben and Little Max?- They do a funny dance together.
0:15:16 > 0:15:21- # Boom-cha! Boom-cha! #- I thought you'd outgrown this baby stuff.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- I have. It's just pretend.- You don't mind if I borrow Little Max, then?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- No.- Thank you, Max.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Now, I'm going to saw him in half.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35- Do you think Jack got the message about his magic act?- What?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37With Max and Ben watching? I hope so.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40It's so much easier getting someone else to do your dirty work.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- What do you mean? - That whole "cruel to be kind" thing.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46People don't like hearing the truth.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49If I said you had bad breath, I'd be doing you a favour.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53- You wouldn't like to hear it.- Yeah. ..What?- No, you don't.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55I'm just saying "if". DANI EXHALES
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Dani, you don't have bad breath - it was an example,
0:15:58 > 0:16:00- like if I said you had nits.- What?!
0:16:02 > 0:16:07- Agh! We've got people. - And you've got bad breath.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08HE EXHALES
0:16:08 > 0:16:09EXHALES AGAIN
0:16:12 > 0:16:15- Really, Dani, you don't. Just if! - Whatever.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17So, how's it going, boys?
0:16:17 > 0:16:21Oh, no. You're not enjoying Jack's amazing magic show?
0:16:21 > 0:16:23- Yeah, it's great.- What?
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- Sshh!- We're ready to meet a friend of mine.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, say hello to Little Jack!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Hello, Little Jack!
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Little Max!
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Hello, Little Jack, how are you today?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Mind your business!
0:16:37 > 0:16:41Ignore him, boys and girls, he's always SHORT with me.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45- That's quite funny, isn't it, Max? - No.- What's up, Max?
0:16:45 > 0:16:49What? Oh, nothing. Still pretending.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51I want you to help me with a trick
0:16:51 > 0:16:52You need all the help you can get!
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Cheeky! Now, what I'm about to do won't hurt a bit.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Are you retiring from showbusiness? THEY LAUGH
0:17:00 > 0:17:04No! No. I'm going to saw you in half. Now get in the box!
0:17:09 > 0:17:11- What are you laughing at? - It's quite good.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15- Better than expected.- Rubbish! I want my Little Max back.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19Does Maxie-Waxie still love his cuddly-wuddly baby toy?!
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Yes. ..No.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Anyway, Jack's act is rubbish, that's all.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28- Yeah, if you talk all the way through it.- Yeah, shut up, Max.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31This might feel a little bit SORE.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Saw?
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- Saw!- Do you get it?
0:17:36 > 0:17:37No, but I think I'm about to!
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Whoops! I knew I should have had the instructions.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01I didn't know you were married.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03I was. She left me.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05ALL: Aw-w!
0:18:05 > 0:18:06I'm still cut up about it.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Well, pull yourself together, man!
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Oh.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19Er...big hand for Little Jack and his other half!
0:18:19 > 0:18:24Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, thank you and good night.
0:18:24 > 0:18:29I'm not sure that was meant to happen but it was funny.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- Yeah, maybe he does have an act, after all.- What?
0:18:32 > 0:18:36He's got to put him back together again. That's the trick.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40- Who cares? It was hilarious.- You can have Big Ben. I don't mind, really.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44I don't want Big Ben. I want Little Max.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48- Max, it was going in the bin anyway. What's the matter with you?- Nothing.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- I know.- You're not...crying, are you?
0:18:52 > 0:18:55It's just Little Max's stuffing. It's irritating my eyes.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57If you are crying, you can use this.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00- How?- It's a nine-volt, submersible sump pump.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- It'll drain away the tears. - HE INHALES
0:19:03 > 0:19:05How do they know these things?
0:19:15 > 0:19:20We all love maths, but we've done enough for today.
0:19:20 > 0:19:25Instead, I'm going to teach the most important lesson of your life -
0:19:25 > 0:19:29how to correctly use a nine-volt, submersible sump pump.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30SNORING
0:19:30 > 0:19:34There are generally two types of sump pump -
0:19:34 > 0:19:36pedestal and submersible.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40The pedestal pump's motor is mounted above the pit,
0:19:40 > 0:19:44where it is more easily serviced and...
0:19:44 > 0:19:45is more conspicuous.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47- HE YAWNS - This is...
0:19:47 > 0:19:48Oh-h!
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- You OK?- Ha-ha! I fooled you.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00I behaved just like a real five-year-old, didn't I?
0:20:00 > 0:20:06- Er, yes.- I was just pretending, Ben, to wind everyone up.
0:20:06 > 0:20:11- I wasn't really crying. My eyes were irritated by...- The stuffing.
0:20:11 > 0:20:12You said.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Oh-h! I want my Little Max back!
0:20:18 > 0:20:20And with a flourish,
0:20:20 > 0:20:25remove the lid to reveal your assistant is back in one...piece...
0:20:25 > 0:20:27or two.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Oh, no!
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- ELECTRONIC SPEECH: - I wish someone would love me.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39You're a robot. No-one loves a robot, but everyone loves a teddy.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43I'm very loveable, not flea-bitten like you.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47I'm not flea-bitten. I'm characterful and cuddly.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50- At least, I'm fun to play with. - I'm fun to play with.
0:20:50 > 0:20:51- Not.- Am.- Not.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Oh? Well, last time we went down to the woods,
0:20:54 > 0:20:56I don't remember robots having a robots' picnic.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00Last time I went on a spaceship into the future,
0:21:00 > 0:21:03I don't remember seeing any soppy teddy bears.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08- If you think your life's bad, try being me sometime.- Who said that?
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Me.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13Kids twist me this way and that way. It hurts.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16And then just throw me away in despair.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19No-one loves a puzzle.
0:21:19 > 0:21:26- It's true.- True.- See?! I want to be cuddled, not twisted and mangled.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29I want to be loved and not left on my own.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33I want to be played with, not forgotten. Wah!
0:21:33 > 0:21:34THEY ALL CRY
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Stop crying, you bunch of wimps. That's our job!
0:21:37 > 0:21:41THEY WAIL
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Maybe being a puzzle isn't so bad after all.
0:21:47 > 0:21:53- Or a robot.- Or a teddy.- Come on, guys. Let's go for a slice of pizza.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02CAT MIAOWS
0:22:02 > 0:22:05CAT MIAOWS AGAIN
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Cat attack! Cat attack! YOWLING
0:22:08 > 0:22:12Take them. take them. Just please, please leave me alone.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Snack attack. CAT MIAOWS
0:22:16 > 0:22:20OK, you've got what you want, now go! ..Please!
0:22:20 > 0:22:21GROWLING
0:22:25 > 0:22:28If you're levitating, you need a gap between you and the ground,
0:22:28 > 0:22:32- not the work surface.- I was just, er...going to change a light bulb.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34It's working fine.
0:22:34 > 0:22:35Always be prepared.
0:22:35 > 0:22:40- get down.- No, I'm fine. Actually, I can rehearse my new act up here.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42- New act?- Yeah, this is perfect.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- You're now sawing that work surface in half.- Don't worry.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48- I've given up magic.- Really?
0:22:48 > 0:22:51I guess that's the end of Jack the Amazing DJ-gician...
0:22:51 > 0:22:52Probably for the best.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56..but just the beginning of Joker Jack the Hilarious DJ-dedian.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00- DJ-dedian?- Yeah, it's ideal combo -
0:23:00 > 0:23:02banging tunes with tiptop stand-up comedy.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05- Stand-up comedy? - Hey, you'll like this one.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08What do you call a DJ with big headphones?
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Anything you like. He can't hear you.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- I think I'm going to cry now. - Yeah, with laughter.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Hey, I hope Max isn't still upset over Little Max.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22- I still haven't managed to put him back together.- Don't worry.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24- He needs to grow up.- Yeah, I still feel bad about it.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28If you feel that bad, give him to me and I'll sew him together.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30- Really?- Sure.- Creep.- Cool!
0:23:30 > 0:23:34- So give him to me, then.- Ah!
0:23:34 > 0:23:36- Problem?- ..No.
0:23:36 > 0:23:42- So where is he?- Er...he's just chewing things over.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44GROWLING
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56CAT YOWLS Where are you, kitty?
0:23:59 > 0:24:00YOWLING
0:24:01 > 0:24:05Ah-ha-ha! There you are, little kitty.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11Now, give it back to me now. CAT MIAOWS
0:24:11 > 0:24:13There's a good kitty.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15You're not so... CAT YOWLS
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Oh, man!
0:24:30 > 0:24:35- So can you do anything with this, then?- Um...
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Clean the toilet?
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- You said you'd sew him back together. - Give it here.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44Oh, thanks, Sam. You are SO good to me.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46Sew?
0:24:46 > 0:24:48So?
0:24:48 > 0:24:49It's the way I tell them.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53KNOCK ON DOOR
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- What do YOU want?- I'm sorry, Max.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59I thought you were throwing Little Max out with the junk.
0:24:59 > 0:25:05Er...oh, yeah. Yeah, it was all part of my five-year-old act
0:25:05 > 0:25:06to wind up Dani, you know.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09So, you don't want him back, then?
0:25:10 > 0:25:11Little Max!
0:25:14 > 0:25:16- Little Max?- Yeah, sorry about that.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19- I had to retrieve it from the cat's mouth.- Ugh!- Hey, don't thank me.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23Thank Sam. She put him back together with the magic of sewing.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26- Little Max enjoyed your act. - How do you know?
0:25:26 > 0:25:28- He was in stitches.- Oh! Ha-ha-ha!
0:25:28 > 0:25:31That is SO funny.
0:25:31 > 0:25:32SEW!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34See?
0:25:34 > 0:25:35BEN LAUGHS
0:25:37 > 0:25:38So?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Hey, I'll have to put that in my new act.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43Joker Jack the Hilarious DJ-dedian!
0:25:43 > 0:25:46Hey, you'll like this one. What do you call a DJ with...?
0:25:46 > 0:25:47BOTH: No!
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Hey!
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Aggh! The show can't end there.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56We haven't heard the end of Jack's joke.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59The show's got to end on a punch...
0:25:59 > 0:26:03..line! A punch line. You could have at least let me finish.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07- Sorry.- Right. No excuses. Time to tidy this place up, then.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09And no more magic tricks, please.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12No magic. I'll just open the hatch up there
0:26:12 > 0:26:15and all the junk will be instantly sucked out into space
0:26:15 > 0:26:17and circle the universe once again.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Hang on a minute. What about me?!
0:26:20 > 0:26:26- Agh! Agh!- Er, sorry about that. No harm done, eh?- No.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29- Look how tidy this place is. - Yeah, not bad,
0:26:29 > 0:26:33- apart from this one piece of junk. - Oh, that's not junk.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37- That's a nine-volt, submersible sump pump.- Ah!
0:26:37 > 0:26:38What's exactly does it do?
0:26:38 > 0:26:40I've no idea.
0:27:00 > 0:27:04I'm going to teach the most important lesson of your life.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08How to correctly use a nine-volt, submersible sump pump.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12There are generally two types of sump pumps -
0:27:12 > 0:27:14the pedestal and the submersible.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17- The pedestal pu... Oh!- BLEEP!
0:27:17 > 0:27:20There are generally two types of sump pumps,
0:27:20 > 0:27:22pedestal and submersible,
0:27:22 > 0:27:25- the pedestal sump pump's mu... - BLEEP!- Oh!
0:27:25 > 0:27:28..pedestal and submersible,
0:27:28 > 0:27:31- the pedestal stump's mumps... Sorry. - BLEEP!
0:27:31 > 0:27:36- ..pedestal and submersible, the pedestal sump's... Oh!- BLEEP!
0:27:36 > 0:27:40- Pedestal sumps... - THEY LAUGH
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd