0:00:02 > 0:00:07This is exciting! The Zarg and Zak family reunion party on our ship!
0:00:07 > 0:00:08I never expected it
0:00:08 > 0:00:12after you forgot who you were for three light years!
0:00:14 > 0:00:16The decorations are sorted.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19All we need to do is make the maggot punch.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22- I wonder who'll arrive first. - My Aunt Zak.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25You said she wasn't coming! Oh!
0:00:25 > 0:00:29- Aunt Ushi's coming too. - She's not bring your cousin Ushee?
0:00:29 > 0:00:32'Fraid so, but he promised no explosions.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36The ringing in my ears just stopped from when he blew up the engine!
0:00:38 > 0:00:39Cancel the party!
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Say the transporter's not working.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46That way we can watch Dani's House without everyone talking.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47Mmm...
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Ouch!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Hi, my name's Dani, and this is my...
0:00:55 > 0:00:58- Best friend, Jack!- Yeah, but...
0:00:58 > 0:01:01- Where was I?- You're Dani, I'm your best friend too, Sam.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04As I was saying, this is my...
0:01:04 > 0:01:07- Max!- I'm her brother and it's... Ben?
0:01:07 > 0:01:09What? Oh, if I was...
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Can you just zip it?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14So, my name's Dani and this is my...
0:01:14 > 0:01:18- EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE - I give up!
0:01:18 > 0:01:22SHOUTING
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Great idea! There's bound to be a priceless antique here
0:01:27 > 0:01:30that we can flog on Junk In Your Trunk.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32And I think I may have found two.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36These prototypes are two very rare Ming Dynasty bowls.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41- You're telling me those are worth money?- Let's see.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45The last pair went to auction for...
0:01:46 > 0:01:48..20 million pounds...each!
0:01:50 > 0:01:54Jack! They have to be intact. The slightest touch can damage them.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57- DOORBELL - Woo-hoo!
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Oh!
0:02:09 > 0:02:14Wait. Those are the origami bowls I made you for your fifth birthday.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16My bad!
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- Nothing interesting. - I've got something.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23That's an old document full of boring stuff.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26The kind of thing librarians and teachers with dandruff drool over.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28It's maybe your family tree.
0:02:28 > 0:02:33Yes, it is. See? These lines trace Dani's family way...way back!
0:02:33 > 0:02:35- So I can see my ancestors on this? - Yep!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Who will you be related to?
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Someone famous! This talent's from somewhere.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Family trees, get your family trees here!
0:02:45 > 0:02:49- What's the name, darlin'?- Dani. - Dani?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Ah, here we go!
0:02:52 > 0:02:54The Dani family tree!
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Wow! That's Mum...and Dad...
0:02:57 > 0:03:01and Max...! I always hoped he'd be switched at birth!
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Uncle Sam...Aunt Sheila...
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Miley Cyrus?
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Zac Efron! I always knew fame would run in the family!
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Anyone can see you've got star quality!
0:03:14 > 0:03:16You going to buy it or what?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18It's pretty expensive!
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Oh! Is that a yeti?
0:03:27 > 0:03:31- Can't see it. - Must've just been a rug.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Anyways, look at this!
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Check that for star power!
0:03:37 > 0:03:41- Did you just stick those on? - Is that a flying saucer?
0:03:45 > 0:03:49- You are related to someone famous! - I knew it. Who is it?
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Andrew Bore, the famous writer.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57- He wrote A Bore's Guide To Atoms, changed my life!- Is that it?
0:03:57 > 0:03:59- No-one else.- Zapper?
0:03:59 > 0:04:04- So I'm related to this guy here? Lionel Leonard Zapper.- You know him?
0:04:04 > 0:04:09Yeah! Lionel Leonard Zapper is the real name of Melon Jones!
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Superstar singer and actor?
0:04:11 > 0:04:14The Nobel Prize winner for saving snails?
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- Is there another Melon Jones? - SCREAMING
0:04:19 > 0:04:22- The sumo suits!- That was quick.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Once we're inflated we'll be ready for training.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- Awesome! Will it take long? - No! Two weeks.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32So in two weeks' time... That tickles!
0:04:32 > 0:04:36- ..we'll go to Japan as sumo wrestlers.- Treated like gods...
0:04:36 > 0:04:39just like the documentary said.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43This is the life, Ben!
0:04:43 > 0:04:46I know, I love being a god.
0:04:46 > 0:04:51O, great masters, you have been called upon by Okuma.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55That isn't the goddess of food again? I'm still full!
0:04:55 > 0:04:57That was Okimuchi.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Okuma is Japan's most feared warrior.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04- What's he want? - To fight, divine one.- Fight?
0:05:04 > 0:05:06You're wrestlers. That's what you do!
0:05:06 > 0:05:10As gods, we can instruct others to fight for us, right?
0:05:10 > 0:05:13- Of course. - You want to exchange your slippers
0:05:13 > 0:05:17for something sturdier before fighting him.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Good advice. Okuma likes to attack the feet.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23I'm a messenger, not a warrior!
0:05:23 > 0:05:25I can't fight!
0:05:25 > 0:05:29My muscles have been trained to open envelopes! Envelopes!
0:05:33 > 0:05:37Tell Mr Jones his long-lost musically inclined relative Dani
0:05:37 > 0:05:39is waiting to hear back.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Melon's agent's cleaner's number was useful!
0:05:42 > 0:05:47You're related to Melon Jones. I loved him in the yodelling cows film.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49You mean this one?
0:05:49 > 0:05:52The Sound Of Moo-sic! Classic!
0:05:52 > 0:05:55I always knew fame would run in the family!
0:05:55 > 0:05:57SHOUTING
0:05:57 > 0:06:01I can't wait to meet Melon. He'll be a good replacement for Max.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05SHOUTING AND MOANING
0:06:10 > 0:06:14- I haven't seen Max this helpless since he was in nappies!- Help us up!
0:06:14 > 0:06:18- Why the silly suits? - We want to be sumo wrestlers,
0:06:18 > 0:06:21move to Japan and live like gods.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25- That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard!- I know.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Unless you can actually do that!
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Don't let me stop you moving abroad!
0:06:29 > 0:06:33- DOORBELL - Oh, doorbell!
0:06:33 > 0:06:34I need the loo!
0:06:36 > 0:06:40AMERICAN ACCENT: Cousin! I got your message and came right away!
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Imagine! Melon Jones has a long-lost relative!
0:06:46 > 0:06:48You're family too?
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- You?- I wish!
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Only family can touch Melon Jones!
0:07:01 > 0:07:04What fun, I'm glad we didn't cancel our party.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08There's no law says a family reunion has to have family!
0:07:08 > 0:07:12I think there is. Party regulation 425, clause 31b?
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- Oh, yes...- I won't tell if you don't.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18- I didn't see anything.- Nor me. - I wasn't even here.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21So you won't mind if I finish the maggot punch?
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Great room, wonderful vibe. Cheryl would love it.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Cheryl as in Cheryl Cole?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34No, Cheryl as in my pet pig.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I'll just sit down over...there.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43I like to have my seats pre-warmed.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Oh, of course you do.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58- Thank you, Penny.- It's Dani. - That's what I meant.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00So tell me all about yourself.
0:08:00 > 0:08:05Well, I just...it's such an honour having you here. I'm a huge fan!
0:08:05 > 0:08:10- Me too. I'm Jack, by the way. - I'm Sam.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Nothing makes me happier than meeting my fans.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Where do you keep the oxygen?
0:08:15 > 0:08:19- The what?- I like to have an inhalation every hour.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- To refresh my aura. - Plenty in the air...
0:08:22 > 0:08:27and if it's refreshment you want, I'm sure we can get a glass of something.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31- Do you have any polar ice shakes? - A glass of water?
0:08:32 > 0:08:36- Or cola?- Only white food and drink passes these lips.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40- Other colours clash with my colon. - How about milk?
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Organic Egyptian camel's milk?
0:08:43 > 0:08:47Then I'll just have the glass. Luckily, I carry my own!
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Family!
0:08:56 > 0:08:58MOANING AND GROANING
0:09:01 > 0:09:04I can't do it any more, Max, I'm too tired.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07It's OK, Ben. We tried our best.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Max, if this is it, it was great knowing you.
0:09:10 > 0:09:15Right back at you! No-one could ask for a better best mate.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- I'm starving.- Me too!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24One...
0:09:24 > 0:09:25two...
0:09:25 > 0:09:29- three!- Thank goodness! I wasn't ready to die.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35Didn't you say we had to train non-stop, no toilet breaks even?
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Eating is part of our training so that doesn't count.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- You escaped?- No thanks to you!
0:09:43 > 0:09:48- Chocolate-chip biccies, eh? Who are you trying to impress?- No-one!
0:09:48 > 0:09:52There's a spider, these are to lure it and this is to trap it.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Aaargh!
0:09:55 > 0:09:58It's in the living room!
0:09:58 > 0:10:02I know you're lying, I've seen what happens when you find a spider...
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Eeeek! Spider!
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Eeeek! Spider!
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Aaargh! Ooh, spider!
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- SPLAT! - That should do the trick!
0:10:22 > 0:10:24I still have the scar!
0:10:24 > 0:10:26OK, look, you're bound to find out.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31We are related to one of the world's most famous entertainers
0:10:31 > 0:10:33- and he's here now.- Yeah? Whoo!
0:10:33 > 0:10:35No, not you.
0:10:35 > 0:10:41- Don't tell me Jason Limbersnake is here!- No, but Melon Jones is!- Oh.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Not really a fan of his.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46The singing cows gave me the willies.
0:10:46 > 0:10:51Come on, Ben, Japan is...history! Change of plan!
0:10:51 > 0:10:52LAUGHTER
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Melon Jones, Max.
0:10:56 > 0:11:01Dani's brother, which makes me family and your biggest fan!
0:11:01 > 0:11:05So I told Madonna I wanted to learn the splits.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07She asked me how flexible I was.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11I said I could only do Mondays and Wednesdays!
0:11:16 > 0:11:21Have the suits cut the blood to your brain? What are you doing?
0:11:21 > 0:11:23No-one gets too close to Melon!
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- You his mother?- His bodyguards!
0:11:26 > 0:11:31It's cool, guys. Ooh, chocolate-chip biscuits! My favourite!
0:11:31 > 0:11:34If they're white-chocolate chips...
0:11:35 > 0:11:38- Oh.- I could pick them out.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Families, eh?
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- What are you doing? - My family tree needs pruning!
0:11:55 > 0:11:59- Another celebrity story! - What about the BAFTAs?
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Did your pet pig have another accident on stage?
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Couldn't make the BAFTAs. My helicopter was being serviced.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10- How about Beyonce's party? - Couldn't make that either. I was...
0:12:10 > 0:12:14- getting my teeth whitened. - What about the...?
0:12:14 > 0:12:17- You want to hear my latest work? - Definitely!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21MUSIC STARTS
0:12:21 > 0:12:25HE SCATS BADLY
0:12:30 > 0:12:32What do you think?
0:12:32 > 0:12:37It's a new thing I'm trying. Mixing singing with jazz. I call it...
0:12:38 > 0:12:41- ..snazz! - More like snooze! That was awful.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Er...it's...different!
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Never heard anything like it.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51I'm sure snazz will be the next big thing!
0:12:52 > 0:12:55I can't come up with the goods any more!
0:12:55 > 0:12:59- I thought snazz would help me. - What did the record company think?
0:12:59 > 0:13:03Why? Who have you been talking to? Did Bruno send you?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05No, but you're their biggest star.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Not any more...
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Thank you, James. Like I was saying...
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- I haven't had a hit in months. - What's the problem?
0:13:25 > 0:13:29I'm a fake. What I mean is
0:13:29 > 0:13:32the real Melon Jones is Lionel Leonard Zapper,
0:13:32 > 0:13:36an ordinary guy. I'm not even from the USA.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40IRISH ACCENT: I'm Irish! Everyday life inspired me.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Lionel Leonard Zapper became rich and successful.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49He went from ordinary to extraordinary and lost his way.
0:13:49 > 0:13:55Exactly. Who knew that having a private jet, more shoes than Mariah
0:13:55 > 0:13:58and a solid-gold bathroom could be a bad thing?
0:13:58 > 0:14:03Solid-gold toilet! Every young wannabe's dream!
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Hold on, I'm confused.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09If you're not Melon Jones, then who is?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Let me guess! Is it Kofi?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Max, can you explain?
0:14:25 > 0:14:27We think you need a reality check.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30I do...but how?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Psychometric testing!
0:14:32 > 0:14:36I learnt techniques at psychology camp to help you reconnect.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41I didn't understand most of that, Suzie, but it sounded good.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43- But why help me?- You're family.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47- I love testing people.- Also if we get your career back on track,
0:14:47 > 0:14:52- you can introduce me to the movers and shakers.- Debbie...
0:14:52 > 0:14:53Deal!
0:14:56 > 0:15:00Listen up, everyone, we are about to start Project Melon.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- Our aim is to de-Melon Melon Jones. - This won't hurt, will it?
0:15:04 > 0:15:09- I've a very low pain threshold.- No. Well, maybe a little.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13To start, we need to work out what the big problem is.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18We'll do tests to see how comfortable you are in normal situations.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22The first one is a role-play where you're taking a ride on a bus
0:15:22 > 0:15:24and Jack is the bus driver.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28- What's a bus?- Well, er...
0:15:28 > 0:15:31a bus is like your private helicopter
0:15:31 > 0:15:34except it has wheels, it can't fly
0:15:34 > 0:15:38- and lots of people you don't know use it too.- Sounds terrible!
0:15:39 > 0:15:41But I'll give it a go!
0:15:44 > 0:15:46That'll be 89 pence, please, mate.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50I never carry cash. Send the bill to my butler.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02The passengers will engage in small talk with you.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05How about this weather? Looks like it might rain.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08It does? Aaargh! I'm allergic to rain!
0:16:08 > 0:16:12- It's not actually raining, Melon. - Oh? Good.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16What about the price of onions these days?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Stop the bus!
0:16:18 > 0:16:21SCREECH!
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Wow! These guys are great at role-play! What's wrong?
0:16:25 > 0:16:29This old lady is complaining about the cost of onions.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32As chairman of Onions Incorporated,
0:16:32 > 0:16:35all it takes is one call to my broker
0:16:35 > 0:16:40and the price will drop quicker than Cheryl's perm in the rain!
0:16:40 > 0:16:44Look at me! An average guy travelling on the...what was it?
0:16:44 > 0:16:45ALL: Bus.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49This is to see how you do with everyday home stuff.
0:16:49 > 0:16:54We've recreated a bathroom. That is the bath, that is the sink
0:16:54 > 0:16:55and that is the toilet.
0:16:55 > 0:17:00Not that you'll need it. It's just to make this true to life.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03I don't think so! If you're going for a true-to-life bathroom,
0:17:03 > 0:17:08where's the iced tea, steam room and diamante towel holder?
0:17:08 > 0:17:11We want to see your washing routine.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15The thing you do before you go to bed or in the morning.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Which one? They're very different.
0:17:18 > 0:17:23- Going to bed.- Oh, that's easy. Where's the massage table?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32I'll regret asking, but what are you doing?
0:17:33 > 0:17:37My going-to-bed bathroom routine. I lie on the massage table
0:17:37 > 0:17:41while my butler runs my bath. Then he brushes my teeth.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Isn't that what everyone does?
0:17:45 > 0:17:48How is your morning routine different?
0:17:48 > 0:17:51I bath first, then brush my teeth.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Right!
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Right, now, you, me and Jack are at home, hanging out, playing a game.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03I've always wanted to hang out! I never knew what it was.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04Dude, you do need reconnecting!
0:18:04 > 0:18:09- It's your turn, what will you do? - Cheating is not acceptable.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11I don't need to cheat!
0:18:11 > 0:18:16I play this all the time with my butler and Cheryl. I always win.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Queen takes king, dog beats cat, snap, I buy two houses and...
0:18:26 > 0:18:30..checkmate! Don't tell me I didn't win that fair and square!
0:18:34 > 0:18:38It's clear you have absolutely no grasp on reality.
0:18:38 > 0:18:43I'm really sorry. I had no idea you actually took turns in games.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45It's OK. Now we know the problems
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Sam and Jack can start on Project Melon phase two and three.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51So I've passed phase one?
0:18:51 > 0:18:53No, we're getting to that.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Max, Ben...
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Being Melon Jones has isolated you.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06It has made you arrogant, big-headed,
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- always thinking you're right. - I don't!- The sky is blue.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12The sky is green!
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- You may have a point. - Phase one will help you.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18Is he ready?
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Take your positions.
0:19:28 > 0:19:33In wrestling everyone is equal, so don't expect any special treatment.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Aaaargh!
0:19:38 > 0:19:43That's it. You're making an effort. You might win fair and square.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47Or maybe not.
0:19:59 > 0:20:04- I don't think this will work.- It's early days and he's keen to change.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07He wants his sandwiches colour-coded.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10I know, but we're doing the best we can.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Finding out I'm related to him explains so much.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17I know where I get my talent and why I need to entertain.
0:20:17 > 0:20:22- And flop sweat when you're nervous? Melon does that too.- Yeah.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24If Melon can't handle the fame...
0:20:24 > 0:20:28I don't want to be famous if it means picking bits out of food
0:20:28 > 0:20:33- or having my socks ironed.- You don't iron!- You know what I mean.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37I could end up like him. Too much Melon, not enough seed.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Now for phase two.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44Melon Jones is in a fashion rut. Time for an image change.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47I don't know about messing with my look.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49I'm the Frankenstein of fashion.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52That's not a good thing. Change is good.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55If you say so.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01Maybe not this one.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- Sorry, Sam. Too boring.- What...?
0:21:23 > 0:21:27That is way too clashy. That many colours should be illegal.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36I think we've found your new image!
0:21:40 > 0:21:44It's been hard, but we made it. Phase three - final phase of Project Melon.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50However, this stage is the hardest,
0:21:50 > 0:21:53the most likely to take him out his comfort zone.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- Sleeping without my teddies? - Listening to music.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- That's hardly painful. I love music. - Not all music.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02I know you don't love heavy metal.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Not that, anything but that!
0:22:07 > 0:22:10You wanted to reconnect with reality.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13What's more real than a sweaty mosh pit?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Take it away, Jack!
0:22:15 > 0:22:18HEAVY METAL MUSIC
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Don't fight it, Melon!
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Give in to the inner metal head!
0:22:37 > 0:22:39That's more like it.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Listen to different music to get your mojo back!
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Like disco!
0:22:45 > 0:22:49DISCO MUSIC PLAYS
0:22:49 > 0:22:52I haven't listened to disco since I was ten
0:22:52 > 0:22:56and my mum put me in a spandex cat suit for a talent contest!
0:22:56 > 0:23:00- I still have nightmares about it! - The past is the past.
0:23:00 > 0:23:05- Let it go!- Yeah, embrace it, let the music flow through your body!
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Like my nanna's superhot curry!
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Yeah!
0:23:09 > 0:23:12To round it off, the music of the man in the street!
0:23:12 > 0:23:16- The blues? - No, silly, country and western!
0:23:16 > 0:23:19COUNTRY-AND-WESTERN MUSIC
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- Yeeha!- Yeeha!
0:23:27 > 0:23:28Arriba, arriba!
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Giddy-up!
0:23:41 > 0:23:45I can't thank you enough. I feel like me old self again!
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Glad to be of service, boss.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Forget snazz, say hello to pzazz,
0:23:51 > 0:23:53cos Melon Jones is back!
0:23:56 > 0:24:00Thank goodness! Snazz would've ruined his career.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03What kind of idiot would be into that?
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Family trees, get your family trees here!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Buy one, get one free!
0:24:27 > 0:24:30HE SCATS BADLY
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Oh, what is he doing?
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Family trees, get your family trees!
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Project Melon turned out better than I hoped.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51You sat on the chair without someone warming it up!
0:24:51 > 0:24:52I did, didn't I, Sam?
0:24:52 > 0:24:54And you got her name right!
0:24:54 > 0:24:58- What will the new old Melon do? - Write a song about us?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Take his bodyguards on tour?
0:25:00 > 0:25:05- Get back into the studio with his talented relative?- You guys!
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- I can't do any of those things! - Didn't we help you?
0:25:08 > 0:25:13You have! Doing all that crazy stuff, like brushing my own teeth,
0:25:13 > 0:25:17made me realise all the great times I've had. So great, in fact,
0:25:17 > 0:25:21- I don't want to ruin the memories. - So what'll you do?- Retire!
0:25:21 > 0:25:22What?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25You know what they say, go out on a high!
0:25:25 > 0:25:28I told my agent. He's putting together a best-of album
0:25:28 > 0:25:31and a lifetime-achievement film.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33And the industry movers and shakers?
0:25:33 > 0:25:37I sent them all an e-mail saying how great you are!
0:25:37 > 0:25:40- You did?- After all you've done for me, least I could do!
0:25:40 > 0:25:45If anyone needed a new look or to learn line-dancing, you're the girl.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48- That's great, but...- TING! Got to go.
0:25:48 > 0:25:53Cheryl and I are off to the Bahamas. She just loves those fruity drinks
0:25:53 > 0:25:54with the umbrellas!
0:25:54 > 0:25:58- In the private jet?- Of course not! I'm a changed man.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02A normal plane like regular people. I'm really excited.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Cheerio.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11There goes my dream of piggy-backing on his success,
0:26:11 > 0:26:14a lead role in a movie, recording a soundtrack and being famous.
0:26:14 > 0:26:20Forget that! There goes my dream of eating off solid-gold plates!
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Pooping on a solid-gold toilet!
0:26:22 > 0:26:26We were too good at reconnecting Melon to his roots.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Not only did we de-Melon him, we put him out to seed.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31He'll be in my dad's allotment!
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Well, at least you know talent runs in your family.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38By the way, just spoke to my mum
0:26:38 > 0:26:42and apparently I'm adopted! Who knew?
0:26:42 > 0:26:44- So we're not related?- Guess not.
0:26:44 > 0:26:49But if we were, I'd be the luckiest long-lost relative around!
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Cheerio!
0:26:52 > 0:26:54I know you're disappointed,
0:26:54 > 0:26:57but I bet you fame is somewhere in your family. We could...
0:26:57 > 0:27:00It's OK. After one almost long-lost relative
0:27:00 > 0:27:04I realise I'm happy with my family here in this house.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Even if you are all completely mad!
0:27:13 > 0:27:18That was a blast! We should have another family reunion very soon!
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Without the family?
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Of course! Such a good idea not inviting them.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27- Bet they didn't take it too well when you told them.- You did.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29- No, I was organising... - RUMBLING
0:27:29 > 0:27:32- Transporter's activated. - Which means...
0:27:32 > 0:27:38- Yoo-hoo! We're here for the party! - Sorry we're late.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Cousin Ushee blew up the ship, so we had to catch the space bus.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46You better not have maggot punch again. I'm allergic!
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Aaargh!
0:27:54 > 0:27:58Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:58 > 0:28:02E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk