0:00:02 > 0:00:04SHE SNORES
0:00:15 > 0:00:19- Good morning, Coordinator Zark. - Aaaah! Morning, Coordinator Zang.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22- Anything to report from the night watch?- Nope, quiet night.
0:00:22 > 0:00:26Just little old me, sat here, wide awake,
0:00:26 > 0:00:29observing the Earth like I was supposed to...
0:00:29 > 0:00:34- It's disappeared!- What? - It's vanished! It's vamooshed!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36But how could that have happened?
0:00:36 > 0:00:39It can't have tiptoed away without you seeing!
0:00:39 > 0:00:40I fell asleep.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43In contravention of the Intergalactic Observation
0:00:43 > 0:00:46rule three one seven slash six slush four slosh five?
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Oh, please don't tell them! I'll be de-greened!
0:00:50 > 0:00:54Dani's House is on? But how, if...
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Oh, that is so not funny!
0:01:01 > 0:01:05- "Please don't tell them!" Ha, ha, ha, ha!- That's it!
0:01:05 > 0:01:07From now on, I'm going to pretend you've disappeared.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10You can't ignore me forever. You'll have to look at me eventually.
0:01:11 > 0:01:16Look at me. Look at me. Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Look at me! Look at me!
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Hey, guys! My name's Dani, and this...
0:01:25 > 0:01:28- ..is her best friend, Jack! - Thanks. My name's Dani, and this...
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- ..is her brother, Max! - And his best friend, Ben!
0:01:30 > 0:01:32As I was saying, my name's Dani, and this..
0:01:32 > 0:01:35- ..is her friend, Ruby! - And I'm her sister, Maisy!
0:01:35 > 0:01:38And I'm Dani, and this is the brilliant Dani's House.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39ALL: Our house!
0:01:39 > 0:01:40THEY ARGUE OVER EACH OTHER
0:01:40 > 0:01:44RUBY WHISTLES
0:01:48 > 0:01:51- IN FAST FORWARD:- ..absolutely hideous, it's awful,
0:01:51 > 0:01:52I've never seen anything like it,
0:01:52 > 0:01:54it was the most awful place I've ever seen,
0:01:54 > 0:01:57and he's in skinny jeans with a polka-dot top,
0:01:57 > 0:02:01it didn't even match, absolutely hideous, I mean hideous...
0:02:01 > 0:02:05Ruby's telling us her latest dating disaster, and as you can see,
0:02:05 > 0:02:07she's a little bit worked up about it.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Can you believe it? He turns up on the first date
0:02:09 > 0:02:10and he gives me these!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12BOTH GASP
0:02:12 > 0:02:15He bought you flowers? What a monster(!)
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- Ah!- That is so wrong!- So wrong!
0:02:18 > 0:02:21I'm never going to find the right guy for me.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23They're all a bunch of clowns.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Oh, have no fear, Dani the matchmaker's here.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- I have got the perfect guy for you. - Yeah right!
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Come on then, rate this guy.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33How perfect is he on a scale of one to Jack?
0:02:33 > 0:02:35- Well...- Does he have bad breath, hairy ears,
0:02:35 > 0:02:39a pet rat called Jaws? Oh, a world record for eating baked beans?
0:02:39 > 0:02:42- Fear of lollipop ladies?- No, and wow, you've dated some weird people!
0:02:42 > 0:02:46No, he's my cousin, Marco. He's nice, you'll like him.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Nice? Girls say guys are nice
0:02:48 > 0:02:50when they're being too polite to say ugly!
0:02:50 > 0:02:54Look, he's good-looking, he's funny, he goes to film school,
0:02:54 > 0:02:56he's travelled the world, he can dance.
0:02:56 > 0:03:01- Do you need any more fingers? - Sounds too good to be true!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Dani the matchmaker never fails!
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Shouldn't matchmaker be on two fingers?
0:03:05 > 0:03:08No, it's just one word, same as nincompoop.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10So, one cute cousin coming right up! He's on his way.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11He's coming here now?
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Yeah, he's staying here for a few days, he's filming nearby.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17DOORBELL RINGS
0:03:17 > 0:03:19I hear wedding bells!
0:03:19 > 0:03:22I bet he smells!
0:03:22 > 0:03:24# Rock all day, rock all night
0:03:24 > 0:03:27# Twenty four seven, it's rock o'clock
0:03:27 > 0:03:29# Rock o'clock, rock o'clock,
0:03:29 > 0:03:32# Twenty four seven, it's rock o'clock
0:03:32 > 0:03:35# Bong! Bong! Bong!
0:03:35 > 0:03:38# Bong! #
0:03:39 > 0:03:41OK, world, get ready to be rocked!
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- Overnight Internet music sensation, here we come!- Grab the calendar.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48I'll start planning our sell-out world tour!
0:03:48 > 0:03:49BOTH: Na na na na na!
0:03:49 > 0:03:50I get it.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52He's such a nightmare, you want to dump him on me
0:03:52 > 0:03:55while he's here, get the crazy cousin off your hands!
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Well, I ain't babysitting no freak!
0:03:57 > 0:03:59DOORBELL RINGS
0:03:59 > 0:04:00Hey, Marco, how are you?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- Hey, Dani, good to see you! How are you?- Good thanks.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- These are my friends, Jack and Ruby. - Hey, guys, good to meet you.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Nice shoes, Ruby. Where did you get them?
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Ffffffleugh flulem flem!
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Er, she's just been to the dentist!
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Yeah, she had her wisdom teeth taken out.- Ooh!
0:04:19 > 0:04:22F-f-f-f-fleugh fleeeugh farp!
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Why don't you put your stuff in the guest room
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- that's next door to Max's? - Yeah, thanks.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Sometimes I think I should just switch to making movies on a webcam!
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- Oh, snap out of it!- Yeah, it's not even like he's that good looking!
0:04:37 > 0:04:41Are you blind? Even the guys in my dreams don't look as good as him.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43So, do you still want me to set you up with the freak, then?
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Forget everything I said. Make it happen, matchmaker?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Any guy who's that interested in girls' shoes
0:04:48 > 0:04:51should be labelled "Avoid". I hear alarm bells.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53He's a filmmaker, he has an eye for detail.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54Right, here's the plan.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56You have a little chit-chat with Marco,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59and sprinkle your guy talk with loads of stuff about how
0:04:59 > 0:05:02awesome Ruby is, and you just sit there and relax.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05- He'll be asking you out by lunchtime!- Great plan. Love it!
0:05:05 > 0:05:08No way! Do your own dirty work. I've got standards, you know.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10I'll pay you.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13It buys you ten minutes of top-notch publicity, then I'm out of here.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17- Make me irresistible? - It's a fiver, it's not a magic wand!
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Oooh, resistible!
0:05:23 > 0:05:28Is it just me, or does this not feel like a first date at all?
0:05:28 > 0:05:31You're right, we should be way more awkward with each other.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33It's great to meet someone I can talk to.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35I mean, most guys are just weird.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Well, I'm just glad it was you I invited
0:05:38 > 0:05:42- to the pie-eating contest tonight! - What pie-eating contest?
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Ready, steady, go!
0:05:47 > 0:05:51- Oh, you've got to be kidding me! - Woo! Done! One-nil!
0:05:51 > 0:05:56Loser! In your face! Wooooo!
0:05:56 > 0:05:58No, in your face!
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Two-nil! Champion! Mmmm!
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Jack's been in there for nearly an hour bigging you up.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- I don't want him charging me extra. Come on, let's get you a date.- OK!
0:06:15 > 0:06:17COSSACK MUSIC PLAYS
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Marco's teaching me Cossack dancing! He learnt it when he was in Russia.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21Oh, well, that's nice.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25You're meant to be bigging up Ruby, not doing diddly squat!
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- Sorry, I got a bit carried away. - And have you said anything about me?
0:06:28 > 0:06:33- I should probably give you this back.- Right, time for plan B.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36You just stand there and look pretty. Hey, Marco, I was thinking.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Why don't you teach Ruby one of your dances
0:06:38 > 0:06:40you learnt on your travels? Maybe the salsa or the tango?
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Yeah, yeah, no problem, cuz. Step into my dance studio, senorita!
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Now, Jack tells me you're a sports freak, is that right?
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- I don't know about freak. - I have the perfect dance for you.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54They do it in New Zealand before every rugby match.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57- Er, you don't mean the haka? - Yeah, that's the one.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Jack was right, you are mad about sport!
0:07:01 > 0:07:05BOTH: Tenei te tangata puhuruhuru
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Nana nei i tiki mai whakawhiti te ra
0:07:08 > 0:07:11A, upane! Ka upane!
0:07:11 > 0:07:15A, upane, ka upane, whiti te ra!
0:07:15 > 0:07:16Ha!
0:07:16 > 0:07:18OK, let's go again.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21This time, I want you to really flap that tongue and give me a wired look,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23like you want to rip someone's head off!
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Actually, do you know what?
0:07:26 > 0:07:28I think it's my turn to learn a new dance,
0:07:28 > 0:07:30but something that doesn't involve my face flapping!
0:07:30 > 0:07:31It's a shame I haven't got my decks.
0:07:31 > 0:07:36- I could play you some killer dance tunes.- You DJ? Well, so do I, man!
0:07:36 > 0:07:37No way! What's your rig?
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Just upgraded to a touch-sensitive jog wheel with transport controls.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45- Sweet! Two-channel audio, yeah? - Er, is there any other way to fly?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47- Come on!- Let's get the pie, and mash it up!
0:07:47 > 0:07:51Actually, I was thinking about maybe...
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Dani the matchmaker, epic fail!
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Failure is not an option.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Come on, let's get your dancing shoes.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00We've got work to do.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Rock O'clock is the worst song of all time. You guys suck.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05You're so bad you make my ears bleed.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08You should be jailed for crimes against music.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- Man, these message boards are brutal. - Oh, here's someone who likes us.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13"Awesome song, thanks.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16"You scared away the rats nesting under my floorboards."
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Great, now even rodents hate us.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Maybe we should have stopped
0:08:20 > 0:08:23when we got turned down by every single record company in the world.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24You know what this means, don't you?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26- We should start a pest control business?- No.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- It means we're going to have to write a love song.- Ewww!
0:08:29 > 0:08:33I know, but I've analysed all the number ones in the past ten years,
0:08:33 > 0:08:36and they're all about... MAX IMITATES KISSING
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- Fish?- No, love.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41If we want a hit record then we're going to have to go all mushy.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45Time to put on our songwriting socks and start scribbling.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48HIP HOP TRACK PLAYS
0:08:48 > 0:08:50# Uh-huh, uh-huh!
0:08:54 > 0:08:55# Uh-huh, uh-huh!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00# Cupid's the name and love is my game
0:09:00 > 0:09:03# If I'm not in your song then you're doing it wrong
0:09:03 > 0:09:05# You want chart position come see the love physician
0:09:05 > 0:09:08# I got romance and rhymes for your lyrics and lines
0:09:08 > 0:09:11# You won't get number one without dropping the L bomb.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13# Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!
0:09:16 > 0:09:19# Got me in your jingle? Then hello, hit single!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21# I'm open for business you don't want to miss this
0:09:21 > 0:09:23# Be smart, don't be stupid
0:09:23 > 0:09:25# And call me cupid
0:09:25 > 0:09:28# They call me cupid
0:09:28 > 0:09:30# Uh-huh, uh-huh
0:09:31 > 0:09:33# Yeah, yeah, yeah
0:09:34 > 0:09:35# Uh-huh, uh-huh
0:09:35 > 0:09:38# Break it down now. #
0:09:41 > 0:09:44DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:09:45 > 0:09:48OK, people. Give it up for my main man Marco!
0:09:48 > 0:09:49RUBY SCREAMS
0:09:49 > 0:09:52He's here for one night only, so make some noise!
0:09:52 > 0:09:54CROWD CHEERS
0:09:58 > 0:10:01I'm feeling the love, people, so keep it coming,
0:10:01 > 0:10:05because I'm going to sizzle your dizzle!
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Now's your chance. Get in there and show him your best dance moves!
0:10:07 > 0:10:10I'm not going to strut around like a peacock just to get his attention!
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Fine. If you want is lasting impression of you to be this...
0:10:14 > 0:10:16- OK.- How do I look?- Dazzling!
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- Looks like my peacock plan didn't work, then.- Didn't work?
0:10:44 > 0:10:47I'm roadkill! You're not a matchmaker, you're a
0:10:47 > 0:10:50make-your-friend-dance-like-a-fool maker!
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Now, that isn't fair.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I would have got you two together like that if it wasn't for bromance.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Bromance?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58You know, when two guys get along so well all
0:10:58 > 0:11:00they want to do is hang out with each other and talk about guy stuff.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Look, you've got no chance.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05- You might as well be invisible. - Oh, yeah? We'll see about that.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Marco! I'm over here, it's me, Ruby!
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Oh yeah, that's right, jump up and down, that'll impress him(!)
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Over this way, look this way! Over here!
0:11:15 > 0:11:17OK, that is enough,
0:11:17 > 0:11:19before you ruin any chance I've got of getting you two together.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22This way, Marco!
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- Marco!- Shush!
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Poor Ruby just can't get him to notice her.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32There's that noise again, I wonder where it's coming from?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Oh, please, you're not still pretending
0:11:35 > 0:11:36I've disappeared, are you?
0:11:36 > 0:11:37I think I might be picking up some kind
0:11:37 > 0:11:39of radio transmission on my tentacle.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42It says here in the rules and regulations
0:11:42 > 0:11:48of intergalactic space exploration that "pranks played on fellow crew
0:11:48 > 0:11:52"members must be forgiven after no more than ten minutes."
0:11:52 > 0:11:57So there! You have to forgive me, it's the law. Look at me now.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00You can't make me invisible, that's cheating!
0:12:00 > 0:12:05I spy with my little eye, no one! Ha, ha, ha!
0:12:06 > 0:12:09OK, let's hear your love song.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- You go first.- No, you go first.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15I said you go first first, so you have to go first.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16Promise not to laugh?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19It's a love song, what could I possibly find funny in a love song?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24It's called When I First Saw You, My Heart Exploded."
0:12:24 > 0:12:29Ha, ha, ha! That's not a love song, that's a medical emergency!
0:12:30 > 0:12:34- Er, you OK there, Ruby?- Ssssh!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37I want to listen into Marco and see if he's talking about me to Jack.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40- Ruby, you're a freak. Get out! - But she could tell us about love.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43She's obviously got it bad.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47Ruby, I've always thought very highly of you. You're like a sister to me.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- Please, stay as long as you want. - Can I get you a drink?
0:12:50 > 0:12:54- In a different glass, of course. - So, what can you tell us about love?
0:12:54 > 0:12:56It's no good. It's like my head's wrapped in blankets.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59- I can't hear anything! - So, love makes you deaf.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02What about your eyesight? How many fingers am I holding up?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04My eyesight is fine, it's this that hurts!
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Love causes chest pain, and possible lung damage.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11You want to know about love? Well, I'll tell you about love.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12Love sucks!
0:13:12 > 0:13:15It's the worst invention in the whole history of humans,
0:13:15 > 0:13:19- it should be banned!- I think we've got everything we need.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Thanks for that. Bye bye, now!
0:13:21 > 0:13:25Well, I mean, I'm not in love with Marco, I don't even know the guy.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27I just don't like being treated like I'm invisible.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31I mean, I'm here, I'm Ruby, I'm a winner!
0:13:31 > 0:13:33- I'm...- Losing the plot! Come with me.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35She's just had a few dating disasters.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Just ignore everything she just said, OK? All right then...
0:13:38 > 0:13:40- Well, she was a big help.- She was?
0:13:40 > 0:13:44Ben, desperate times call for desperate measures.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47We're going to have to find girlfriends.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50I'm not kidding, Dani. I'm off boys for good.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52I mean, even if I could get Marco's attention,
0:13:52 > 0:13:55it's bound to end in another dating disaster.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58If at first you don't succeed, apply apply again!
0:13:58 > 0:14:01I refuse to put a load of gunk on my face to get a boy to notice me!
0:14:01 > 0:14:04You're right, you don't need this. You need this!
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Cherry Surprise, and we can get you matching nail varnish!
0:14:06 > 0:14:08How do you feel about glitter gloss?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Look, why don't we go and have some fun? Forget about the whole thing!
0:14:11 > 0:14:12Woah, steady there, Little Miss Runaway!
0:14:12 > 0:14:15My reputation of being an ace matchmaker is on the line here.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Look, you and Marco are perfect for each other.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21It would be a crime against romance if you didn't get together.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- Self-tanning oil?- Me and Marco, never going to happen.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Well, not with Jack hogging him. Look, I say we ask him to step aside
0:14:27 > 0:14:29and let you go to the front of the queue.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- Well, that makes me feel very special(!)- You're welcome.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Oh, luscious lashes!
0:14:35 > 0:14:36Yeah.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39That's attractive(!)
0:14:39 > 0:14:43- Aaah!- Time's up! It's Ruby's turn to hang out with Marco now.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Er, but we're in the middle of a marathon gaming session.
0:14:45 > 0:14:50- It's OK, you carry on. I don't want to interfere.- Yes you do!
0:14:50 > 0:14:52He's stolen Marco off you, and now you need to steal him back.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Er, have not! Now, if you don't mind, I've got a game to play.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Yeah, well, two of us can play at your game, pal!
0:14:58 > 0:14:59"Two of us can play at your game, pal!"
0:14:59 > 0:15:02- You're not going to find him in there.- Well, where is he?
0:15:02 > 0:15:06I have locked him in the cupboard. If Ruby can't have him, no one can.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10- Hey, give that back! - Marco, are you OK, buddy?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Marco, are you in there, buddy? Marco?
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Oh, I am good!
0:15:16 > 0:15:18- Dani, what are you doing? - Let me out!
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Now's your chance! Go get him, Tiger.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22- Grrr! - JACK SHOUTS
0:15:22 > 0:15:27La, la, la, la, la!
0:15:28 > 0:15:32- I can't get signal.- Hi, Lucy, it's Max from history class.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Do you want to be my girlfriend?
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Fair enough. Do you want to be Ben's girlfriend?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42OK, bye.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Wait a second, it isn't switched on!
0:15:48 > 0:15:51- AT THE SAME TIME:- Hi, Meg, it's Ben, your paperboy.
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Hi, Stace, it's Max from across the road.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56BOTH: Do you want to be my girlfriend? OK, bye.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Welcome to Date Or Dump! Are you looking for love?
0:16:07 > 0:16:11Well, I know who is. It's our girls. Say hello, girls.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Now, let's meet our first guy,
0:16:15 > 0:16:17and see whether you want to date him or dump him!
0:16:17 > 0:16:20APPLAUSE
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Tell the girls who you are, and why they should date you.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Hey, girls!
0:16:25 > 0:16:29My name's Ben, but my mum calls me Benji, or Benji-Penji,
0:16:29 > 0:16:31or sometimes Benjamin if she's really angry,
0:16:31 > 0:16:34like "Benjamin, stop reading comics and go tidy your room!"
0:16:34 > 0:16:36I think you should date me
0:16:36 > 0:16:38so I can find out what it's like to have a girlfriend.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40I'm not fussy, anyone will do.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Before the girls make their final decision,
0:16:43 > 0:16:45you get a chance to show off your skills.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Take it away, Ben!
0:16:47 > 0:16:50I will now attempt a most dangerous and death-defying feat.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53I will lie on the ground whilst a motorbike jumps over me.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56MOTORBIKE ENGINE REVS
0:16:56 > 0:16:58DRUM ROLL
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- CROWD GROANS - Oh!
0:17:04 > 0:17:07So, girls, do you want to date him or dump him?
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Well done, Ben! You've got yourself a date!
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Oh. So close! Better luck next time!
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Now, let's check out our next boy,
0:17:20 > 0:17:22and see whether it's a case of date or dump!
0:17:25 > 0:17:26Woah!
0:17:31 > 0:17:32Shocker!
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- Hi, Marco.- Hey, Ruby!
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- What you doing?- Waiting for Jack.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46- Have you seen him? - Er, no, no, I haven't.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- JACK SHOUTS IN BACKGROUND - No idea where he is, not a clue.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Ruby, I'm glad I've finally got you on your own.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56- There's been something I've been meaning to ask you.- Oh yeah?
0:17:56 > 0:18:00I was just wondering if you would like to,
0:18:00 > 0:18:05sometime...and in no way do you have to say yes, this is purely optional.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09I mean, obviously, I want you to say yes, but no pressure!
0:18:09 > 0:18:11What do you want me to say yes to?
0:18:11 > 0:18:15Oh! Zzzzz, epic fail! Ha, ha, ha!
0:18:15 > 0:18:21What I was building up to ask you was...
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Would you like to go on a date with me?
0:18:25 > 0:18:28A date? You want to go on a date with me?
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- You're right, it's a bad idea, just forget I mentioned it.- No, no, no.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35It's just... I haven't, you know, ever really thought
0:18:35 > 0:18:39about me and you going on a date, so...
0:18:39 > 0:18:42it kind of caught me by surprise.
0:18:42 > 0:18:47- A nice surprise, or a scream and run surprise?- No, a nice surprise.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49I'd love to go on a date with you, Marco.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- I forgot my jacket, I'll just go and get it.- OK!
0:19:02 > 0:19:04OK, look.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06How about I work out some kind of rota system with Ruby
0:19:06 > 0:19:08so we both get to share Marco?
0:19:08 > 0:19:11It's not a chore to be done, like the washing up or cleaning the loo.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13How about I have him on the weekdays,
0:19:13 > 0:19:14and she can have him on the weekend?
0:19:14 > 0:19:15Unless I've got a DJ gig.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17In that case I'd need him on Saturday nights,
0:19:17 > 0:19:20and she can have him, you know, Wednesday lunchtime or something.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- You should have shared him when you had the chance.- I couldn't help it!
0:19:23 > 0:19:25I've never had a friend as cool as Marco before.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28I mean, how cool is it to have a friend who's actually
0:19:28 > 0:19:29directing a feature film?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- He's still at film school, he's not directing a feature film.- Oh, he is.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34He didn't tell you because he didn't want to brag,
0:19:34 > 0:19:36but his last student film won loads of awards,
0:19:36 > 0:19:38and he's got the chance to direct a massive movie,
0:19:38 > 0:19:40proper stars and everything.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Thanks, Dani. I've got a date with Marco! You're the best.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45- Sorry, the date's off.- What?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Well, I need some alone time with Marco so he'll cast me
0:19:47 > 0:19:48in his new feature film.
0:19:48 > 0:19:53- Uh-uh. I'm not giving up my date for you.- Thought you might say that.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55So, I locked Marco in the cupboard with Jack.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57If I can't have him, no one can.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Hey, give that back!
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- Thanks, Ruby. You're a star. - Where's Marco?
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Oh, I am really good!
0:20:06 > 0:20:07Sorry, Ruby.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10You'll have to put this down as another dating disaster.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13BANGING AND SHOUTING FROM CUPBOARD
0:20:13 > 0:20:16You truly are the most beautiful princess in all this land.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20And you are the most handsome prince.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22LIPS SMACK
0:20:22 > 0:20:26Aaah! OK, that was not supposed to happen.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30Thank you so much, sweet princess. Ever since a wicked witch turned me
0:20:30 > 0:20:33from a frog into a handsome prince, I've been trying to turn back!
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Come on. You're the third frog Prince
0:20:35 > 0:20:36I've been out with this month!
0:20:36 > 0:20:40Dating in the fairytale world is a total nightmare.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48- Are you sure this is a good idea? - Trust me, it's going to work.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Hey, girls, we got you some drinks.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Shouldn't we have kept looking for real girlfriends?
0:20:52 > 0:20:54If all the girls we know won't go out with us,
0:20:54 > 0:20:57what chance do we have with total strangers?
0:20:57 > 0:21:00But this feels beyond weird, and they look so freaky.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Are you trying to blow this date? Now shut up, and put your arm round Beth.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07MAX YAWNS LOUDLY
0:21:08 > 0:21:13Hey, Caz. Glad you could make it. "Oh, Max. I was hoping you'd come."
0:21:13 > 0:21:16- You're not seriously going to do the voice!- It's called role-play.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18We've played doctors and nurses before, so what's your problem?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Now what?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25SLOW BALLAD PLAYS
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Now we talk the language of love.
0:21:29 > 0:21:34Bonjour, Beth. Je m'appelle Ben. "Bonjour, Ben. Je m'appelle Beth."
0:21:35 > 0:21:39- Why are you talking French?- I thought that was the language of love.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41The language of love is kissing.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- You want me to kiss a watermelon? - Beth.- Beth the watermelon?
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Do you want to find out what it's like to love someone, or not?
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Yeah, but I don't want to find out what it's like to kiss a watermelon.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53This is my girlfriend, Caz.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56I love her very much, and I'm going to kiss her.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01You must have really bad breath.
0:22:03 > 0:22:08- Sorry, Ruby had to shoot off. Some emergency at home.- No, really?
0:22:08 > 0:22:12- What, you don't believe me?- Yeah, I'm just disappointed, that's all.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Well, seeing as you're free, would you mind helping me
0:22:15 > 0:22:17practice my lines for McHurties tomorrow?
0:22:17 > 0:22:20- Yeah, sure, no problem.- Have you seen any of my work on the show yet?
0:22:20 > 0:22:23No, I'm not a big fan of hospital soap operas.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25No offence, I'm sure you're great in it.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Well, I don't like to blow my own trumpet.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Diddle-ee-dee, diddle-ee-diddle-ee-dee,
0:22:29 > 0:22:30but I'm great in it.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33I play a character called Nurse Emily Woodmagnet.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36She's a complex character which demands a multi-layered performance.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38"Nurse Woodmagnet holds up an x-ray of a foot.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42"As you can see, Mr Cheesebottom, you have an ingrowing toenail.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46"Dr Rugburn will have to...operate.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49"But I can't have an operation,
0:22:49 > 0:22:52"I'm tap dancing in the Royal Variety Show tomorrow night.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55"If you tap dance with your toenail in that condition,
0:22:55 > 0:22:57"you will cause irreversible damage to your toe.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02"But I can't let my dance group, the Tipton Tappers, down.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06"Hold on a second. My mum told me my dad was a tap dancer in Tipton.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10"She met him when he toured with Snow White and the Seven Tappers.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14- "Was her name, by any chance, Emily? - Daddy!
0:23:15 > 0:23:18"Fade in dramatic theme music and the credits roll."
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Well, the scripts aren't the best in the world, I'll give you that.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23What I'd really love to do is films.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Huh.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27# I love you, Caz
0:23:27 > 0:23:29# You've got razzmatazz
0:23:29 > 0:23:31# I love the way you roll
0:23:31 > 0:23:34# You've got a...head like a bowl
0:23:35 > 0:23:39# I love you, Caz but I don't love jazz. #
0:23:39 > 0:23:41What do you think?
0:23:41 > 0:23:44- What, that bad? - I'll cancel the world tour.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Without girlfriends, we're never going to write hit love songs.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Without hit love songs, we're never going to get girlfriends.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Speak for yourself. I've got four right here.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54All I need is some good soil and six months.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59Right. Let's drown our sorrows in a 24-hour non-stop TV marathon.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01'Want to get closer to your gaming action?
0:24:01 > 0:24:06'Then stick your head in the brand-new Gamebubble today.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10'Inside is an eye-watering 360 degree HD gaming screen.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14'You no longer have to hold a games console, you can live inside one.
0:24:14 > 0:24:19'You can take it everywhere, car, school, bed or toilet.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23'Gamebubble, the new games console that'll blow your mind!'
0:24:24 > 0:24:28- I love that games console! - I love it more!
0:24:31 > 0:24:33BANGING AND SHOUTING
0:24:35 > 0:24:39- Ha! Dani!- Wow, you're directing a feature film, really? I had no idea.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Dani!
0:24:44 > 0:24:45Ruby, Jack, what happened?
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- She happened!- She locked us in a cupboard!- You did what?
0:24:48 > 0:24:49I have no idea what they're talking about.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52She wanted us out of the way so she could get a part in your movie.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54- What?- Don't you play the innocent. You helped her lock me
0:24:54 > 0:24:57- in there first so you could get a date with him.- What?
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Yeah, well none of that would have happened if
0:24:59 > 0:25:01- you'd set Ruby up like we paid you to.- What?!- Come on, Marco.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04- Let's get out of here. - You can't leave me, bro.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06We're in the middle of a gaming marathon.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Look, just audition me properly, without the tap dancer, yeah?
0:25:08 > 0:25:11- Erm...- He's coming with me. - No, he's staying with me!
0:25:11 > 0:25:12No, he's auditioning me!
0:25:14 > 0:25:16# Didn't know what love was
0:25:16 > 0:25:19# Till I saw you
0:25:19 > 0:25:23# You're better than a watermelon
0:25:23 > 0:25:26# Or a canoe
0:25:26 > 0:25:29# I want you, I need you
0:25:29 > 0:25:33# In my life, on my head
0:25:33 > 0:25:38# Love is just a games console! #
0:25:41 > 0:25:43The world tour is back on!
0:25:45 > 0:25:48- He's mine!- He's mine!- He's mine! - Back off, you freaks!
0:25:49 > 0:25:53Nobody touch me! What is wrong with you people?
0:25:53 > 0:25:56I'm not some plaything for you all to fight over!
0:25:56 > 0:26:01Now, I'm walking out of here alone, and no one is coming with me!
0:26:01 > 0:26:03You got that?
0:26:03 > 0:26:05ALL: Yes, Marco.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14- Well, he's a bit full of himself, isn't he?- Talk about an ego.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Someone thinks they're just a wee bit special.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- He really lost it there, didn't he? - Did you see the look on his face?
0:26:18 > 0:26:19Yeah, yeah.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25- Oh, let's not argue over anyone again. Agreed?- Agreed.- Agreed.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29- You came back for me!- No, me! - No, me!- Forgot my jacket.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Yeah, let's pretend that didn't happen and never mention it again.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39JACK AND RUBY: Agreed!
0:26:41 > 0:26:44All right, then. I forgive you, I'll look at you again.
0:26:52 > 0:26:57Well, that's odd. Coordinator Zang? Are you there?
0:26:57 > 0:27:01Talk to me. Say something so I know that you're there!
0:27:01 > 0:27:04He's left me. I'm all alone on the ship.
0:27:04 > 0:27:09- I'm frightened! - SHE CRIES
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- Boo!- Aaah! Why, you sneaky...
0:27:15 > 0:27:16Ah, ah. Remember,
0:27:16 > 0:27:20under current regulations you only have ten minutes to be mad at me.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24- Please continue.- I'm so mad at you! That's a horrible trick to play!
0:27:24 > 0:27:28I don't like you any more, and I'm not talking to you ever again!
0:27:28 > 0:27:30I was really, really scared...
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:46 > 0:27:49E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk