0:00:02 > 0:00:03It's going to be a great show today, Dom.
0:00:03 > 0:00:06Certainly is. We've got some brilliant sketches
0:00:06 > 0:00:10from The Three Englishmen, Toby And Their Date With A Zombie,
0:00:10 > 0:00:12and not forgetting the Rootin' Tootin' Cowboys.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15Oh, yes. And who's this weeks special guest?
0:00:15 > 0:00:17Oh, it's only Tracy-Ann Oberman.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Only? Tracy-Ann Oberman?
0:00:19 > 0:00:22The star of EastEnders, Doctor Who and MI High?
0:00:22 > 0:00:25- Yeah.- You seem very casual about it. - No!
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Do you, er, do you, er...
0:00:28 > 0:00:32Do I what? Oh, do I help the elderly at the weekend?
0:00:32 > 0:00:36- Do you, er, do you... - Do I juice my own oranges?
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Do you fancy Tracy-Ann Oberman, by any chance?
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Do I fancy Tracy-Ann Oberman?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Yeah, course I do. She's hot stuff.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49I even keep a picture of her in my sandwich toaster.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52- Yes, now, that is hot. - Yes, certainly is.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Usually, around this time, the doorbell goes.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56DOORBELL RINGS
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Followed by post flying through the letterbox.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Well, one out of two's not bad.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04What is it?
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Oh, just some letters.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09A letter from the gas people, electricity people...
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- Yes?- Telephone people, water people...
0:01:12 > 0:01:14- Yes?- Village People, M People...
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Oh, look, a peephole.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19But what does it say?
0:01:23 > 0:01:25It says, "Dear Dick & Dom,
0:01:25 > 0:01:30"we will cut off your phones, water, heating and electricity and stuff,
0:01:30 > 0:01:31"and evict you
0:01:31 > 0:01:35"if you do not pay us all the money you owe in the next 60 minutes.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38- "Yours sincerely, etc, etc."- Give it to me in plain English, will you?
0:01:38 > 0:01:44It basically means if we don't pay £53,150.29 for all these bills
0:01:44 > 0:01:45within the next hour,
0:01:45 > 0:01:49- our Funny Business will be closed down for good.- I see.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51BOTH: Oh, great(!)
0:02:11 > 0:02:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:12 > 0:02:17Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage
0:02:17 > 0:02:19your Funny Business hosts,
0:02:19 > 0:02:25the one and only Dick and Dom!
0:02:32 > 0:02:36Hello! And welcome to Dick And Dom's Funny Business!
0:02:36 > 0:02:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:38 > 0:02:40This is the show that delivers the cream
0:02:40 > 0:02:43of the country's up and coming comedy talent
0:02:43 > 0:02:44directly to your home.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48A bit like a milkman that delivers comedy cream instead of real cream.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- Weird metaphor.- Yeah, I suppose so.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54Coming up on today's show, we have Toby And Their Date With A Zombie.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- Ooh, where's she taking him?- No, it's the name of the comedy act.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01- Oh, I understand. - And the Rootin' Tootin' Cowboys.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- What, with guns and everything?! - No, that's the name of the act.
0:03:04 > 0:03:05Oh, I understand.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08And don't forget our very special guest,
0:03:08 > 0:03:10it is the beautiful Tracy-Ann Oberman.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:13 > 0:03:14Now, I understand that one,
0:03:14 > 0:03:17because Tracy-Ann Oberman is the star of EastEnders, MI High,
0:03:17 > 0:03:18and of course, Dr Who.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22Yes, the one and only Tracy-Ann Oberman is going to be here.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24But time now for our first fantastic comedy act.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27They've got a name, you know. They are the brilliant Three Englishmen.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30It's strange, really. They're called the Three Englishmen,
0:03:30 > 0:03:32but there's actually four of them.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34- Yeah, one of them's Dutch.- Really?
0:03:34 > 0:03:37No idea. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the amazing,
0:03:37 > 0:03:42if numerically inaccurate, Three Englishmen.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:45 > 0:03:48All right, class, settle down.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Settle down, 7B!
0:03:50 > 0:03:55My name is Mr Gregory, and I'll be your supply teacher for today,
0:03:55 > 0:03:58and we will be learning about chemistry.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02- Who can tell me the chemical symbol for Argon?- Hello, 7B.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04I'm very sorry I'm late. My name's Mr Pimms...
0:04:04 > 0:04:09- Nobody knows the symbol for Argon? - Get out your copies of Macbeth.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- Act one, scene one, please.- No-one?
0:04:12 > 0:04:16- Sorry, just one moment, 7B. - Just one moment, 7B. Hello.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Hi, there. The name's Pimms.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20I'm taking 7B for English now.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Right, there's a small problem.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24I'm Gregory, the supply teacher. I'm teaching chemistry.
0:04:24 > 0:04:29Well, if you could just take your chemicals and potions and go away?
0:04:29 > 0:04:33If you could take your literature books and toddle off, yes?
0:04:33 > 0:04:36There's only one way to settle this, I'm afraid.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Fine, bring it on.
0:04:39 > 0:04:44- You wanted to do this. - Sorry to have to do this, 7B.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Waste of my time and a waste of yours.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Here we are. Here we are again.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Quite frankly, I don't know why I bother.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- I'm sick of it as well. - All those years of training.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59THEY YELL LIKE ANIMALS
0:05:01 > 0:05:03- One thing for it, eh?- Bring it on.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12You're going down.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Bring it on, little man. I can see that scared look in your eyes.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18There is no such look.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23# Bonkers
0:05:38 > 0:05:40# I wake up Every day is a daydream
0:05:40 > 0:05:42# Everything in my life ain't what it seems
0:05:42 > 0:05:44# I wake up just to go back to sleep
0:05:44 > 0:05:45# I act real shallow but I'm in too deep
0:05:45 > 0:05:47# And all I care about is ... and ...
0:05:47 > 0:05:49# A heavy bass line is my kind of silence
0:05:49 > 0:05:51# Everybody says that I've got to get a grip
0:05:51 > 0:05:53# But I let sanity give me the slip Bonkers
0:05:53 > 0:05:55# Some people think I'm bonkers
0:05:55 > 0:05:57# But I just think I'm free
0:05:57 > 0:05:59# Man, I'm just living my life
0:05:59 > 0:06:01# There's nothing crazy 'bout me
0:06:01 > 0:06:03# Some people pay for thrills
0:06:03 > 0:06:05# But I get mine for free
0:06:05 > 0:06:07# Man, I'm just living my life
0:06:07 > 0:06:08# There's nothing crazy 'bout me
0:06:23 > 0:06:25# I wake up Every day is a daydream
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- # Everything... # - PHONE RINGS
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Hello?
0:06:32 > 0:06:35What kind of time do you call this?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38- Darling, I'm at work. - I fed your dinner to the dog.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Not tonight's dinner, no, I didn't bother to make that.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44- What has happened to us, Richard? - Darling, you married a basketball.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Besides, I'm doing all this for you and the kid.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49- What did I promise you? - A better life.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52A better life, exactly. That's what you're going to get.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56- You've got to believe me, I'm doing all this for you and the baby.- Baby?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58The baby you never ask about. What was today, Richard?
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Susie, I've been at work.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04The appointment, the appointment at the hospital.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Susie, is it going to be all right?
0:07:07 > 0:07:10They don't know. The doctors can't tell me anything.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13All I know is he is hideous!
0:07:13 > 0:07:15They can do all sorts nowadays.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19It's too late for that, Richard. I'm putting him up for adoption.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20WINDOW SMASHES
0:07:20 > 0:07:25Oh, Susie, Susie, Susie, Susie!
0:07:25 > 0:07:29- That hasn't solved anything. - Sorry, 7B.- Apologies about that.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33- Colossal waste of time, I'm afraid. - Same old story, nothing changes.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Personally, I think it's the scheduling's fault.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38What on earth are we going to do?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Cup of tea in the staff room?
0:07:42 > 0:07:46- Class dismissed. - Off you go.- Come on!
0:07:46 > 0:07:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:51 > 0:07:55So, Dom, are you sure you read that letter right?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58OK, it's possible I made a couple of mistakes
0:07:58 > 0:08:02whilst reading that letter 642 times! But, yes, I've read the letter right.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05If we don't pay, they're going to start cutting off everything.
0:08:05 > 0:08:11Everything? They can't do that. They can't cut off my fingers.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14I've just had a manicure!
0:08:14 > 0:08:16No, I mean everything as in the bills,
0:08:16 > 0:08:18electricity, gas, heating, you know?
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Oh, great. He's in a manicure trance.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28AIR HORN BLARES
0:08:30 > 0:08:32CYMBALS CLAP
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Aaagh!
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Anyway, sounds like we're in real trouble with all these bills.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43I know. There must be some kind of mistake, cos you took the money
0:08:43 > 0:08:50we saved to the bank and you paid all the bills, right? Didn't you?
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Are you doing that thing
0:08:52 > 0:08:55where you ignore a situation and hopefully it goes away?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57It's not working, is it?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59No, it's not!
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Just tell me that you used the money to pay the bills.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- I used the money to pay the bills. - You didn't, did you?
0:09:04 > 0:09:08No. I was going to. It's just that when I was walking down the road,
0:09:08 > 0:09:11I saw a few things in the shop windows that I'd like to buy...
0:09:11 > 0:09:13What? Without your window blinkers?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15You should always wear your window blinkers!
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Remember when you walked past that ballet costume shop?
0:09:18 > 0:09:19Oh, yes, I forgot.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23You just walk past and buy anything! How much did you spend? Hit me.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Thanks. Go on, then, how much?
0:09:27 > 0:09:33- Well, sort of, almost, nearly, precisely all of it.- Oh, no.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37- But I did get some fantastic props for the end of the show.- Props?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40You got some props? Oh, brilliant(!)
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Go on, then, hit me. What did you get?
0:09:43 > 0:09:46I'd rather show them to you, because if I read them out
0:09:46 > 0:09:50they sounds like a load of rubbish. I've got them just over here.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51I'll show you what I've got.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54I've got a scale model of the Blackpool Tower!
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Got this stag's head!
0:10:03 > 0:10:06I've got this prawn costume!
0:10:09 > 0:10:12And this six-foot cotton bud!
0:10:14 > 0:10:15How are you feeling?
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Sad? Mad?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21It's hard to tell right now.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Dom, come on, you know I hate it
0:10:23 > 0:10:27when you hide your emotions from me. Tell me how you're feeling.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29You're happy, aren't you? Yes, I can tell.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Oh! All right, guys!
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Yeah. Good, thanks. What's that you've got there?
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Oh, this is a six-foot cotton bud.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39That's, er, nice.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40And it's mine.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44Yeah, when he says it's his, just ignore him, it means it's a prop.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46- Oh, cool. Let's have a look. - No, no, no!
0:10:46 > 0:10:49If you just go into your dressing rooms, that'll be great.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53Lovely show, well done. Lovely heads. Off you go. Bye-bye.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- What is wrong with you? - Diagnosed or suspected?- No!
0:10:58 > 0:11:01You've spent all of this money that's meant to be ours to pay the bills!
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- Where did you get all this rubbish? - Calm down, Princess!
0:11:04 > 0:11:07There's this fabulous little boutique round the corner
0:11:07 > 0:11:09that sells lots of unrelated bits and bobs.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13Oh, yes. The kind of shop that goes bankrupt because it sells
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- overpriced stuff that nobody actually wants?- Yes.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19It's called Le Tutt. It's Italian, very exclusive.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23I bet it's exclusive, cos you're their only customer.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Take all this stuff back to the shop.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27- I can't.- Why?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- The shop closed down. - What?- After I left,
0:11:29 > 0:11:32the owners went running off cheering like they'd won the lottery.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35I bet they did! What are we supposed to do now?
0:11:35 > 0:11:36We can't pay any of our bills.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Hang on. The money for the acts?
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- You didn't spend that in Le Tutt, did you?- No, don't be silly.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45- I used that to pay my parking fines. - What? You don't even drive!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47That's why my car's got so many fines.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49It's been sitting there for three years.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53At least the money for this week's special guest is safe, right?
0:11:53 > 0:11:56- Not exactly. - Not exactly... Not exactly?!
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Let's just say I invested it on the sock market.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00Oh, the stock market...
0:12:00 > 0:12:04No, the sock market. I went to the market and bought loads of socks.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05Patterns on and everything.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08We can't pay this week's special guest!
0:12:08 > 0:12:10We can't even pay Tracy-Ann Oberman!
0:12:10 > 0:12:14Look, look, look! I wouldn't worry, mate. She won't be here for ages.
0:12:14 > 0:12:15DOORBELL RINGS
0:12:15 > 0:12:17That'll be her! Hang on a minute.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21- Lovely.- What is that smell?
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Aftershave.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- Smells like Ann Widdecombe's... - DOORBELL RINGS
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Right. I'll get the door, you stay here.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Do not mention the money! OK?
0:12:30 > 0:12:31Yeah.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35Hello, boys!
0:12:35 > 0:12:39It's only this week's special guest, Tracy-Ann Oberman!
0:12:39 > 0:12:43- Hi, Tracy!- Hi, Dick, hi, Dom.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47Sorry I'm late. I just saw the gas man tinkering with your meter.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48There's not a problem, is there?
0:12:48 > 0:12:51- Funny you should say that... - No, no, no.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Everything's cool.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Why don't you come and sit down?
0:12:55 > 0:12:59It's going to get very cool in a minute. I don't mean to be a diva,
0:12:59 > 0:13:04but I can't work in such cold conditions, and it's... Oh!
0:13:04 > 0:13:08If I just hold you like this, I can maybe keep you warm,
0:13:08 > 0:13:10until the heating comes back on.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14- Or I can just put my coat on. - Yes, get off.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16- Just keep your coat on. - Yes, that's what I'll do.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20I'm going to wait in my dressing room till it warms up a bit.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Call me out and we can discuss the finale.
0:13:22 > 0:13:23Yes. Will do, Tracy.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- It smells like Ann Widdecombe's... - PHONE RINGS
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Hello?
0:13:33 > 0:13:34Smooth, mate.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36I was just trying keep her warm.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40- Course you were.- I don't see you coming up with any bright ideas.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43This place will be like a freezer by the time we get to the finale.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Look, do not worry. I caused this problem in the first place,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49and I absolutely will not rest until I've sorted it all out
0:13:49 > 0:13:51and paid all the bills off.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Now, shall we put the telly on?
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Hang on. I've got a better idea.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Why don't we read the History Of Funny Business?
0:13:57 > 0:14:01Not only is it entertaining, but great research for our show.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02All right.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Aaagh!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Oh! Aah! Aah!
0:14:18 > 0:14:19In your own time, mate!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Ah, here we are. Lovely.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Ah, yes.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Until now, it was thought that only men and infants
0:14:38 > 0:14:40were capable of laughing,
0:14:40 > 0:14:44though new research suggests that women and indeed dentists
0:14:44 > 0:14:46may too be able to enjoy this emotional response.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49They say laughter is the best form of medicine,
0:14:49 > 0:14:51and in the right circumstances,
0:14:51 > 0:14:53slapstick comedy can be just what the doctor ordered.
0:14:53 > 0:14:58Historically speaking, the banana is not as fashionable as say,
0:14:58 > 0:15:01the papaya or the trendy melon,
0:15:01 > 0:15:05but it remains the fruit of choice for the slapstick comedian.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09The banana's naturally mischievous skin
0:15:09 > 0:15:12is the ideal folly for any unsuspecting fool
0:15:12 > 0:15:15who may tread on it.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Remember - the power of the joke
0:15:19 > 0:15:20is relative to the situation.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25A slip when walking in the park isn't half as effective as a slip
0:15:25 > 0:15:28whilst carrying a bowl of piping hot soup.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Let's have a look, shall we?
0:15:35 > 0:15:39Don't forget to TRIP your waiter, hey? Ha-ha! Top stuff.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43How about THIS, though...?
0:15:57 > 0:15:58GORILLA ROARS
0:15:58 > 0:16:02Oh, dear - it seems mountain gorillas don't find banana wastage
0:16:02 > 0:16:04quite as funny as we humans.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06It will be hours before he tires himself out.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11It looks like you've got the banana business down to a T.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Why not mix things up a little?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Oh, my!
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Now, that's a hoot. Poor subject B!
0:16:39 > 0:16:42I don't think this is what he had in mind
0:16:42 > 0:16:44when they told him to "break a leg".
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Good work, chaps. You've demonstrated the premise
0:16:48 > 0:16:51of the banana slip in fine fashion.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54I think we are done for today.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Oh, dear - someone still smells of bananas.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:16 > 0:17:18DOM SHIVERS Oh...
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Phwoar! I've er...
0:17:20 > 0:17:23j-j-just been to ch-check on this week's special guest,
0:17:23 > 0:17:24Tracy-Ann Oberman.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27- Oh, yeah? How is she? - How is she?
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Gorgeous. Sophisticated. Intelligent...
0:17:29 > 0:17:31No, I mean - how's she getting on with the cold?
0:17:31 > 0:17:35Oh. Not so great since the heating was turned off. It's freezing.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39I know, I know. But at least those socks I bought
0:17:39 > 0:17:42are coming in right handy... and left handy.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45What would be more handy is if we had the money you SPENT on them.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Seriously - if we don't pay all those bills that we owe,
0:17:48 > 0:17:50we'll be in serious trouble.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Yes - we will be chucked out of the theatre,
0:17:52 > 0:17:55and this show will be cancelled forever.
0:17:55 > 0:17:56AUDIENCE: Awww!
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Blimey. I hope Tracy-Ann's OK.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00I'm just going to go and check on her.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04Leave her alone for two minutes. Anyone would think you fancy her.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Ha-ha-ha(!)
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Imagine that though, eh? Imagine that.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09DOORBELL RINGS
0:18:09 > 0:18:11- Who's that? - Probably someone that wants paying.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13I'll get it.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18Hi, guys!
0:18:18 > 0:18:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:21 > 0:18:23It's Kelly-Anne Manhattan,
0:18:23 > 0:18:26the gorgeous but ditzy daughter of the owner of the theatre!
0:18:26 > 0:18:29(She's got the hots for me, it's a nightmare.)
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Hi, Dom! Hi, Dan.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34- It's Dick. - No, I'm Kelly-Anne, silly! Remember?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Would you guys help me out of my winter coat and
0:18:36 > 0:18:38- matching accessories?- BOTH: Yeah.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Oh, thank you, that's so sweet of you.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43I'm wearing mittens, and my fingers are numb from the cold.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45So even if I got my mittens off,
0:18:45 > 0:18:47my hands would need five or ten minutes to warm up
0:18:47 > 0:18:50until I had enough feeling in them.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Although I'm sure if I was watching this show
0:18:52 > 0:18:55I'd be clapping quite a lot, so my hands would warm up.
0:18:55 > 0:18:56But I didn't buy a ticket.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Not that I wouldn't buy a ticket! I love you guys, and your show -
0:18:59 > 0:19:04I think you're amazing and so funny. But you know what they say...
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- About what? - I have no idea.- Right!
0:19:07 > 0:19:11Would you help me put my winter coat and matching accessories back on?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13- It's so cold in here!- Oh...- Yes...
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Thank you. I really appreciate that, it's so sweet.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- I'd do it myself - but... - I know, yes, yes, yes -
0:19:18 > 0:19:20your hands are numb from the cold.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Yes, that's exactly right! How did you know that?
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Okey-dokey - it was so nice to see you guys. We'll catch up soon!
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- Wait! Kelly-Anne...- Yes?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Did you actually want anything?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Er...
0:19:37 > 0:19:38Oh, yeah! Silly me! Please,
0:19:38 > 0:19:42oh, please, oh, PLEASE...can I be in the finale at the end of the show?
0:19:42 > 0:19:45If we say yes, will you go away?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47- Of course!- BOTH: Yes!
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Oh, thank you so much! You'll not regret this at all.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52- I'll see you later.- Bye. - Bye, Dom. Bye, Dan.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56- It's Dick...- Oh - I just remembered what they say!
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- What?!- Cold hands, warm heart. See ya!
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Yeah, bye! Oh...
0:20:01 > 0:20:03She does my flippin' head in!
0:20:03 > 0:20:05She's so into me, it's embarrassing.
0:20:05 > 0:20:06COMPUTER BEEPS
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- Oh - we've got an email.- What is it?
0:20:09 > 0:20:11It's a letter that's sent through the computer.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Yeah, yeah, OK - who's it from?
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Have a look. Press that...
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Oh! It's from them wannabe wrestlers, the Devastation Brothers.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23The guys who want to rip out our spleen and trample on our faces?
0:20:23 > 0:20:27- That's the ones.- Yeah. Lovely guys!
0:20:27 > 0:20:31- BOTH:- The Devastation Brothers!
0:20:33 > 0:20:35I...am Butch "The Rage" Hardcastle.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39And I'm Randy Hammerhead, formerly known as Ian.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41- BOTH:- The Devastation Brothers!
0:20:43 > 0:20:45THEY SNARL VICIOUSLY
0:20:49 > 0:20:53Finally, we get to prove to the world that it is us and
0:20:53 > 0:20:56not Dick and Dom who are the world's greatest double act.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Although they are very, very funny.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Sshh, Ian. So straight after we've made this
0:21:01 > 0:21:06video and Mum's put the camera down, she's driving us to the airport.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07Bagsy first seat!
0:21:07 > 0:21:09You always get first seat!
0:21:09 > 0:21:12That's cos I'm Mum's favourite.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14So watch out, Dick and Dom.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Cos we're really coming for you!
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Yeah! It's really happening!
0:21:18 > 0:21:20We're going to do it! We're coming to London!
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- We're coming!- Devastation!
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- Randy, calm down.- Devastation!- Randy.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Calm down.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Devastation! Devastation!
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Mum?
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Randy, you knocked out Mum. How will we get to the airport?
0:21:39 > 0:21:43- It's OK, I've got an idea. - What are you doing?
0:21:43 > 0:21:45I'm just borrowing some money from Mum's purse.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- We can get a taxi to the airport. - Why are you taking her lipstick?
0:21:48 > 0:21:50No reason.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Let's do it! Devastation!
0:21:53 > 0:21:57Devastation! Bye, Mum.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00See you, Mum.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04By the way, it was Randy who wet the bed, not me. Cut.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Whatever.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Is everyone having a good time?
0:22:16 > 0:22:19I think that's a "yes". Well, not for long. Finley Mclintock?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- Yep, that's me.- Hello!
0:22:22 > 0:22:27- Hello!- Your mum's just called in and apparently your dog's dead.
0:22:27 > 0:22:32Sorry to be the bearers of bad news but we won't harp on about it.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- Trapped under a car, it says here. - That's probably enough detail,
0:22:35 > 0:22:37- Dom.- Shall we mention the bit about the lawnmower?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Probably not. It's horrible.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41But hopefully everybody else is
0:22:41 > 0:22:43still having a good time, so let's keep going!
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Enough about dead dogs! Let's crack on with an actual dead person!
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Please put your hands together, ideally more than once,
0:22:49 > 0:22:53for the fantastic Toby and their Date With A Zombie.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Well, what a lovely place!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04I'd have never have found it, but then I don't
0:23:04 > 0:23:06normally come to the graveyard.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Oh, thank you.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Are they...roses...?
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Oh yes, my favourite.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21You know, I do get terribly nervous about coming on these blind dates.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23You never know who's going to turn up.
0:23:25 > 0:23:26Shall we order?
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Oh, I can't quite read this...
0:23:32 > 0:23:34It appears to be written in blood.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Eurggghhhh.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Yes, I'll have what he's having.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46So tell me about yourself.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48What do you like?
0:23:48 > 0:23:53Music? Cooking?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Seen any good films recently?
0:23:55 > 0:23:59- Eurrrgghhh.- Yeah, there's not much on at the moment, is there.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01My last date took me to a horror
0:24:01 > 0:24:04film but I must admit, I'm not much of a fan.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Oh, you've dropped something.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12I've got it.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19I knew you had your eye on me.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30Oh. This looks...delicious.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55I'd love to dance.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry! I'm so clumsy.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15I've probably got a plaster in my bag.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Oh goodness, sorry. On my goodness.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Would you mind holding that? It's at the bottom. Oh, dear.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25Goodness. Sorry! Sorry!
0:25:25 > 0:25:29Hold that a minute... Oh, dear.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Sorry. Sorry.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35- Goodness...- Argh!
0:25:39 > 0:25:40Was it something I said?
0:25:47 > 0:25:51Absolutely fantastic. Still to come, the Rootin' Tootin' Cowboys and our
0:25:51 > 0:25:56very beautiful special guest, Miss Tracy-Ann Oberman.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59And if you fancy an ice-cream, our lovely usherettes, Betty and
0:25:59 > 0:26:00Betty, can be found in the foyer.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02We'll see you after the interval.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Oh, look to, here they are.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Oh, it's hot in here today. I tell you what, I'm burning up.
0:26:14 > 0:26:15But you, Betty, you look
0:26:15 > 0:26:18like an Eskimo that's given you the cold shoulder. What's your secret?
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Well, I keep a couple of these in my armpits.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Oh, they've melted, eugh...
0:26:23 > 0:26:27Yeah, it's all right. Don't worry. I'll sell them as milkshakes.
0:26:27 > 0:26:31Oh, and I tell you what, I've got a secret too. About Bob.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34- Yeah?- Well, between us girls, you know, I don't want that
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Tracy-Ann Oberman overhearing us.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38- Yeah?- You'll never guess what.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39What? You haven't!
0:26:39 > 0:26:43- I might have.- You haven't!- I have. - What, you kissed Bob?- I have, yeah.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46- Muscles like a racehorse.- He hasn't! - He has.- He hasn't!- He has.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48- He hasn't.- Yeah.- He hasn't.- He has. - He hasn't.- He has.- He hasn't.- He has.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50- He hasn't.- He has.- He hasn't.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54He has, he won the 5.15 at Ascot with a jockey on his back.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59- I remember romance. - Oh, when you met your Barry.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Picture the scene. It were Barnsley town square.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Our eyes met across a smoke-filled chippy.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07He looked at me with his one good eye
0:27:07 > 0:27:11and he winked. Or it could have been a blink. Could have been either.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14We glided towards each other, across the floor.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17It were like Torvill and Dean, on t'dripping.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20He slipped and burnt his hand on me rissole.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22I knew love would never be the same again.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25- I told you not to marry him. - But I love him.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28- I know you do, Betty.- Oi, you!
0:27:28 > 0:27:32You horrible little monster! Get your hand off them curtains
0:27:32 > 0:27:34or I'll drag you outside by the winkles
0:27:34 > 0:27:37and put you by the bins with the rats!
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Oh, love kids, me.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Cheeky little monkeys!
0:27:44 > 0:27:47Eh-up, here they come, the great unwashed.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Oh, me lippy! Check me lippy, love!
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Yeah, you have missed a bit there.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54Very discreet.
0:27:54 > 0:27:55Thanks, Betty, love.
0:27:57 > 0:28:01Choc-ice! Lollies! Handbags!
0:28:08 > 0:28:11Where is Dom when I need him? Dom? Dom?
0:28:11 > 0:28:12Ah, there you are.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Jeez, what is that on your arm?
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Dom? Dom?
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Dom? Dom?
0:28:20 > 0:28:25- Dom?- Dom? Dom?
0:28:25 > 0:28:27You are absolutely hilarious.
0:28:29 > 0:28:33I must tell you, last night, I had the most fantastic dream.
0:28:33 > 0:28:34Go on.
0:28:34 > 0:28:38I dreamt I met the man of my dreams.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41Well, I mean, thing is, technically, you were dreaming,
0:28:41 > 0:28:44- so any man that was in your dreams is going to be the man...- Shut up.
0:28:44 > 0:28:46Go on, what was he like?
0:28:46 > 0:28:49Well, he wasn't tall.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51But he was very cute.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53Cute? I'll take that one.
0:28:53 > 0:28:57- He was a brilliant presenter. - Brilliant presenter? I bet he was.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00He was part of an award-winning double act.
0:29:00 > 0:29:02Double Bafta award-winning.
0:29:02 > 0:29:06- What was his name?- Oh, I can't. It's just too embarrassing.
0:29:06 > 0:29:10Oh, go on, Tracy-Ann, you can tell me. What's his name?
0:29:10 > 0:29:12Well, it was... Dick.
0:29:12 > 0:29:14What?!
0:29:14 > 0:29:18- I... I was hoping that you could, like, introduce us?- No.
0:29:18 > 0:29:23No. NO-O-O-O!
0:29:23 > 0:29:25You can't have him!
0:29:25 > 0:29:27Look, you were dreaming.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30Yes. Yes, I was, wasn't I?
0:29:30 > 0:29:34Look, where have you been, and what is that on your arm?
0:29:34 > 0:29:36Oh, this? Oh...
0:29:36 > 0:29:39I thought seeing as we're skint, I'd get a job down the farm.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42- Doing what?- You don't want to know.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45Anyway, I've got an idea about the bills.
0:29:45 > 0:29:49I've just remembered, my Uncle Monty is a multi-billionaire.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52I'll give him a call and he will pay all the bills off
0:29:52 > 0:29:54- without even blinking. - Brilliant idea.
0:29:54 > 0:29:58Hello? Hello?
0:29:58 > 0:30:00Hello? Hello?
0:30:00 > 0:30:05- Oh, I don't believe it!- Good news? - No, they've cut all the phones off.
0:30:05 > 0:30:06- Bad news.- Yeah.
0:30:06 > 0:30:11'Will all patrons please return to their seats.
0:30:11 > 0:30:14'Part two of today's show is about to commence.'
0:30:14 > 0:30:16Come on, it's time to start part two.
0:30:24 > 0:30:27Now then, ladies and gentlemen, do we have a treat for you!
0:30:27 > 0:30:30What are you asking them for? Read your script.
0:30:30 > 0:30:31Yes, yes. Very good.
0:30:35 > 0:30:37Ah, yes, excellent. It turns out
0:30:37 > 0:30:40we have got a treat for you, which must come as quite a relief.
0:30:40 > 0:30:44Yes, and what a treat it is. After all, who doesn't love a cowboy?
0:30:44 > 0:30:48- Native Americans?- Good point.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52Way to kill the mood.
0:30:52 > 0:30:56- Sorry.- Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Rootin' Tootin' Cowboys.
0:31:04 > 0:31:07- Say there, Bud. - What's that there, Bud?
0:31:07 > 0:31:12Sure does get rootin' tootin', cotton pickin' lonesome out here
0:31:12 > 0:31:14on the plain.
0:31:14 > 0:31:19Sure does get rootin' tootin', cotton pickin', high-falutin,
0:31:19 > 0:31:23gut bustin' lonesome out here on the plain.
0:31:23 > 0:31:26Sure does. Say, why don't you play us a rootin' tootin',
0:31:26 > 0:31:33cotton pickin', high-falutin, foot tappin', upliftin', smile-inducin'
0:31:33 > 0:31:38cowboy song on the guitar there, just to lift our spirits?
0:31:38 > 0:31:44Well, being as you put it like that, I will! Yee-ha!
0:31:48 > 0:31:53# Woah, woah!
0:31:53 > 0:31:55# Woah-oh!
0:31:55 > 0:32:00# Woah-oh!
0:32:00 > 0:32:02# You say you love me... #
0:32:02 > 0:32:07Woah! Woah! Woah! Hold it, hold it!
0:32:07 > 0:32:12- What's that there, Bud? - What in the name of Jim Jam Johnny's
0:32:12 > 0:32:17underpants was that rootin' tootin', cotton pickin',
0:32:17 > 0:32:21high-falutin, ear-bustin', high pitchin', girly-soundin'
0:32:21 > 0:32:29tune you just played on the guitar? Boy, that ain't no cowboy music.
0:32:29 > 0:32:34Well, that there's a tune I done picked up from a friend of mine,
0:32:34 > 0:32:40a fella who rides by the name of Justin Bieber.
0:32:42 > 0:32:46- Justin Bieber?- The very same.
0:32:46 > 0:32:51- The swoopy haired teenage pop sensation?- That's the fella.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53He's a close personal friend of yours?
0:32:53 > 0:32:54He sure is the King of the Pops.
0:32:54 > 0:32:59Well, it's only my opinion, but I think there's only two kinds
0:32:59 > 0:33:02of music, and that's country and western.
0:33:02 > 0:33:05And that weren't country nor western, so I don't like it.
0:33:05 > 0:33:11Well, how would you describe, then, country and western?
0:33:11 > 0:33:16Country and western music, how would I describe it? Easy. Here goes.
0:33:16 > 0:33:20Country and western music, in my opinion, is rootin' tootin',
0:33:20 > 0:33:24cotton pickin', high-falutin, foot-tappin', square dancin',
0:33:24 > 0:33:29do-si-do-in', thigh-slappin', heel-clickin',
0:33:29 > 0:33:35cattle rustlin', rodeo ridin', hoedown-in', Johnny Cash-in',
0:33:35 > 0:33:43clip clipitty clop of a horsey-in', mountain roamin', cattle herdin',
0:33:43 > 0:33:48Stetson stonkin', fireside fartin',
0:33:48 > 0:33:53slide guitarin', finger pickin', spittoon ringin'...
0:33:54 > 0:33:56DING! ..ding-dingin' kind of sound
0:33:56 > 0:34:00that I like. Yee-ha!
0:34:00 > 0:34:04That's the only kind of music a cowboy should be listening to.
0:34:04 > 0:34:06What do you have to say about that?
0:34:06 > 0:34:09Well, that sure is a mighty fine
0:34:09 > 0:34:13- string of adjectives you done strung together.- Well, thank you very much.
0:34:13 > 0:34:17- Complete with sound effects and all. - Liked that sound effect, did you?
0:34:17 > 0:34:22- I sure do. - Why don't you give it a try?- May I?
0:34:22 > 0:34:24You can try.
0:34:24 > 0:34:26- Give it a go, see what happens. - Well, I will.
0:34:30 > 0:34:32Not as easy as it looks, is it?
0:34:32 > 0:34:34No.
0:34:34 > 0:34:38- Well, getting back to Justin Bieber. - Yup?
0:34:38 > 0:34:40- I would describe... - DING!
0:34:40 > 0:34:44I would describe Justin Bieber
0:34:44 > 0:34:48as one rootin' tootin', cotton pickin', high-falutin,
0:34:48 > 0:34:54internet stormin', Baby Baby-in', First Love bemoanin',
0:34:54 > 0:34:59Usher impressin', house wreckin', Ludakris-featurin',
0:34:59 > 0:35:04one time, one time, one time-in', never say never sayin',
0:35:04 > 0:35:09Karate Kid theme tune singin', instrumentalisin', slick dancin',
0:35:09 > 0:35:16groovin', movin', eenie meenie minie mo-in', mini-golf aggressin',
0:35:16 > 0:35:21anti-bully campaignin', concert cancellin', platinum-sellin',
0:35:21 > 0:35:27memoir publishin', First Step To Forever-isin', R'n'B wobblin',
0:35:27 > 0:35:33X Factor dazzlin', Cheryl Cole courtin', teenage King of the Pops.
0:35:33 > 0:35:35Thank you very much.
0:35:37 > 0:35:40Well, Sam, diggity-doo dong day do!
0:35:40 > 0:35:42Seeing as how you describe him
0:35:42 > 0:35:46like that, I might just be coming round to the freaky little fella.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49- Play on, Bud, play on.- I will!
0:35:49 > 0:35:52# Oh, woah!
0:35:52 > 0:35:55- # You say you want me - You say you want me
0:35:55 > 0:35:58- # You know you care - You know you care...- Yee-ha!
0:35:58 > 0:36:01Justin Bieber, who'd have thunk it?
0:36:11 > 0:36:14What is going on? I mean, I'm absolutely freezing,
0:36:14 > 0:36:18the water doesn't work in my room and what is that on your hand?
0:36:18 > 0:36:23- He got himself a part-time job. - Doing what?- You don't want to know.
0:36:23 > 0:36:26I tried to turn the shower on in my room.
0:36:26 > 0:36:28The water didn't come out. Is there a problem?
0:36:28 > 0:36:31- Oh, no, they've turned the water off as well.- What?
0:36:31 > 0:36:35- Nothing. It's, um, an eco thing. - What?
0:36:35 > 0:36:38Our way of doing our bit for the environment by not having
0:36:38 > 0:36:41any heating or hot water throughout the day.
0:36:41 > 0:36:43But you're practically freezing to death.
0:36:43 > 0:36:46And going by your odour, Dom, you haven't washed in days.
0:36:46 > 0:36:50- Oh, no, that's his aftershave.- It's not! We're both filthy and frozen.
0:36:50 > 0:36:55But now, we have got a smaller carbon footprint.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58Somewhere... in the distant forest...
0:36:58 > 0:37:02a tiny baby panda bear is sitting in a tree saying,
0:37:02 > 0:37:07"Thanks, Dick and Dom, your selfless behaviour has really saved my bacon."
0:37:10 > 0:37:16- Bamboo. They don't eat bacon.- Bamboo.
0:37:16 > 0:37:18We're just doing our bit, Tracy.
0:37:18 > 0:37:21Do we really need the heating on when several thermal layers
0:37:21 > 0:37:24and 90 pairs of socks will suffice?
0:37:24 > 0:37:26Do we really need another hot shower?
0:37:26 > 0:37:30Can we not just live without a little luxury for the sake
0:37:30 > 0:37:33of the baby panda bears?!
0:37:33 > 0:37:34No, I suppose we can.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37Do you know, caring for the environment
0:37:37 > 0:37:41- is an incredibly attractive quality in a man.- It is?
0:37:41 > 0:37:44Oh, just a shame about the smell.
0:37:44 > 0:37:47- I'm going to be in my dressing room. - Yes. OK.
0:37:50 > 0:37:52Good work, little fella. I suppose we are doing our bit
0:37:52 > 0:37:54- for the environment after all.- Yes.
0:37:54 > 0:37:57And we'll be doing our bit for street theatre
0:37:57 > 0:37:59if we don't pay any bills in the next 15 minutes.
0:37:59 > 0:38:01Oh, yes. This is almost as bad as that time
0:38:01 > 0:38:05we bought that television that randomly turns itself on.
0:38:05 > 0:38:06There it goes again, look.
0:38:06 > 0:38:10Oh, what lovely thick hair you've got.
0:38:10 > 0:38:15- Thank you.- It's in such good condition.- Thank you, thank you.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17That feels good, yeah.
0:38:17 > 0:38:23It's so thick and plush and lustrous and silky. Runs through your fingers.
0:38:23 > 0:38:27No knots. It's fierce. I tell you what, there's hardly any point
0:38:27 > 0:38:31- in conditioning it, but I'm going to. - Oh, thank you. You go on, do.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33- It's like a well groomed Afghan hound.- Am I worth it?
0:38:33 > 0:38:35You're definitely worth it.
0:38:35 > 0:38:40I tell you what, it's like a forest. A meadow in the height of spring.
0:38:40 > 0:38:44A deep forest of kelp, all wavy in the ocean swirl.
0:38:44 > 0:38:46What are you going to have done
0:38:46 > 0:38:49to this thick and lustrous head of hair today?
0:38:49 > 0:38:53Well, I'm thinking of having it cut in, just to add a bit of volume.
0:38:53 > 0:38:56- Yeah.- And then layered.
0:38:56 > 0:38:58And maybe feathered.
0:38:58 > 0:39:00Oh, well, that's you done.
0:39:00 > 0:39:04- There you go.- Thank you, thank you.
0:39:04 > 0:39:08Oh, what a lovely thick head of hair you've got.
0:39:08 > 0:39:10So thick and full of body.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13It's like a lamb's fleece, right in the spring,
0:39:13 > 0:39:16just towards the end of autumn, when it's at its most fluffy.
0:39:16 > 0:39:18It's like a lion's mane.
0:39:18 > 0:39:23I've never seen or felt such thick and rich and voluminous...
0:39:23 > 0:39:26PHONE RINGING
0:39:26 > 0:39:29Hello, Baldilocks, hairdressers for the bald?
0:39:29 > 0:39:31Nicky, Terry Wogan for Wednesday?
0:39:38 > 0:39:40Now then, settle down.
0:39:40 > 0:39:44As you know, this is one of the most difficult badges to get.
0:39:44 > 0:39:47So, on to the all-important taste test.
0:39:47 > 0:39:49Good luck, Hawkins.
0:39:52 > 0:39:54Oh, dear, Hawkins.
0:39:54 > 0:39:58A little on the weak side.
0:39:58 > 0:40:01- Oh.- I'm afraid I'm going to have to hold back
0:40:01 > 0:40:04- your "making my tea" badge.- Oh!
0:40:04 > 0:40:06It's not so bad, Hawkins.
0:40:06 > 0:40:10You've got your "making me a coffee" badge. You're nearly there.
0:40:10 > 0:40:13But am I? Surely this is enough badges to become a Scout?
0:40:13 > 0:40:17I am 40 after all, sir. I was talking to my wife recently, and...
0:40:17 > 0:40:21A boy of your age, Hawkins, has no need for a wife.
0:40:21 > 0:40:23She thinks I'll never become a Scout.
0:40:23 > 0:40:26You can't leave the Cubs. You haven't got your raft-building badge.
0:40:26 > 0:40:30You mean that raft I built for you, that's moored in San Tropez, sir?
0:40:30 > 0:40:34What about your music badge? You can't leave without your music badge.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37Remember, I recorded you that album that went double platinum.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39Anyway, it's not just that.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41My wife, she says I'm easily led.
0:40:41 > 0:40:43- Follow me.- Yes, sir.
0:40:45 > 0:40:48What about your temporary shelter building badge?
0:40:48 > 0:40:51You can't leave the Cub Scouts without that, Hawkins.
0:40:51 > 0:40:55Yes, you live in it now, sir. It's your house.
0:40:55 > 0:40:57- Yes.- Don't you remember, just after that,
0:40:57 > 0:40:59I got my building your conservatory badge, sir?
0:40:59 > 0:41:02And your rocket science badge, Hawkins.
0:41:02 > 0:41:05- You can't leave the Cubs without that.- Yes, sir.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08Cripes, Hawkins!
0:41:08 > 0:41:11You said if I got my rocket science badge, sir, then
0:41:11 > 0:41:14maybe I could forgo some of the other badges, like tea-making, sir.
0:41:14 > 0:41:16Yes, yes. Well.
0:41:16 > 0:41:20Seems there's only one thing for it. To award you your one final badge,
0:41:20 > 0:41:23- rocket science. - Oh, thank you, Akela!
0:41:23 > 0:41:26Once we see that this rocket of yours, or should I say mine, works.
0:41:26 > 0:41:28Oh, it will, sir.
0:41:28 > 0:41:31What I want you to do, Hawkins, is fly to the moon of Pandora,
0:41:31 > 0:41:34out in the Alpha Centauri system.
0:41:34 > 0:41:37There, I want you to set up an unobtainium mine.
0:41:37 > 0:41:39Make sure the mine legally belongs to me.
0:41:39 > 0:41:43Then, when you return to Earth, and I rule the universe, Hawkins,
0:41:43 > 0:41:47then and only then, you shall have your final badge.
0:41:47 > 0:41:53- But, sir...- You do want your rocket science badge, don't you, Hawkins?
0:41:53 > 0:41:55- Yes, sir.- I thought so.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57Off you pop then, Hawkins.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00Go on, boy.
0:42:04 > 0:42:05Good boy.
0:42:19 > 0:42:23Dick, Dom, what's going on?
0:42:23 > 0:42:27They're not even here. Is there a problem?
0:42:27 > 0:42:29What is this?
0:42:29 > 0:42:34It says, "Dear Dick and Dom, we'll cut off all your phones, water,
0:42:34 > 0:42:37"heating and electricity and stuff and evict you,
0:42:37 > 0:42:41"if you do not pay us all the money you owe in the next 60 minutes.
0:42:41 > 0:42:44"Yours sincerely, etc, etc."
0:42:44 > 0:42:47No, I'm sorry, I don't care, it'll make a rubbish film.
0:42:47 > 0:42:51Look, it'll be great. A giant prawn attacks Blackpool Tower
0:42:51 > 0:42:53with a six-foot cotton bud. It'll be a big hit
0:42:53 > 0:42:55and we'll get the money to pay the bills.
0:42:55 > 0:42:56Oh, hi, Tracy.
0:42:56 > 0:43:00Just getting some props together for the end of the show, you know.
0:43:00 > 0:43:03It's going to be a great film.
0:43:03 > 0:43:06It's called The Prawn Identity.
0:43:08 > 0:43:11How dare you let all these wonderful acts on your show when you know
0:43:11 > 0:43:14that you can't even afford to pay them?
0:43:14 > 0:43:15No, no, no. That's not true...
0:43:15 > 0:43:18ALL TALK OVER ONE ANOTHER
0:43:20 > 0:43:22SHOUTS: Will you just shut up?
0:43:22 > 0:43:27We're trying to find a way of paying you, OK?
0:43:27 > 0:43:28Now get out.
0:43:28 > 0:43:30THEY MUTTER
0:43:31 > 0:43:34- It's terrible.- Calm down, Princess.
0:43:34 > 0:43:38And you, Dom. Yes, you. I'm really disappointed in you.
0:43:38 > 0:43:41All that caring talk about the environment.
0:43:41 > 0:43:44I was actually starting to find you quite enticing.
0:43:44 > 0:43:47- Really?- No. But I was really looking forward to doing
0:43:47 > 0:43:50the finale, whereas now, I'm leaving.
0:43:50 > 0:43:51BOTH GASP
0:43:51 > 0:43:52Tracy-Ann Oberman!
0:43:52 > 0:43:56Kelly-Ann! oh, is it you?
0:43:56 > 0:43:58OMG! My BFF!
0:43:58 > 0:44:00I thought you were on Broadway.
0:44:00 > 0:44:02- I'm not.- So I see.- So I see.
0:44:02 > 0:44:03BOTH SQUEAL
0:44:03 > 0:44:06Wait, hold on. Do you know each other?
0:44:06 > 0:44:07Uh... Duh!
0:44:07 > 0:44:11Does this mean you'll be in this week's finale? That is so exciting.
0:44:11 > 0:44:14No, Kelly-Ann, I'm afraid I'm going to be leaving.
0:44:14 > 0:44:16You'll be doing the finale on your own.
0:44:16 > 0:44:18DOORBELL RINGS
0:44:27 > 0:44:29It's more bad news, I'm afraid.
0:44:29 > 0:44:31There's not going to be a finale.
0:44:31 > 0:44:35"Free bottle of cola with every large pizza." That's not bad!
0:44:35 > 0:44:37Not that! This.
0:44:37 > 0:44:41"You are evicted. Get out now." Oh, yeah, that is bad news.
0:44:41 > 0:44:43What's that? But don't tell me, because I already know.
0:44:43 > 0:44:48It is Le Grand Tower by little-known sculptor and eater of terrible things
0:44:48 > 0:44:52other people in Europe would never eat, Frenchman, Patrice Latisse.
0:44:52 > 0:44:54I'll tell you what, you can have it. Let's go.
0:44:54 > 0:44:57No, I couldn't accept such a gift. It's worth a fortune.
0:44:57 > 0:44:58I want to accept it,
0:44:58 > 0:45:01more than I wanted to eat a fourth bowl of trifle this morning -
0:45:01 > 0:45:05I wanted it so badly I had to slam my tongue in the fridge door
0:45:05 > 0:45:08until it went numb so I couldn't taste that delicious cream...
0:45:08 > 0:45:11Hold on a minute. Did you say all this lot's worth a fortune?
0:45:11 > 0:45:15Oh, sure. But not as much as that antique stag head
0:45:15 > 0:45:18I saw you with and that giant cotton bud by Damien Hirst.
0:45:18 > 0:45:19You guys have so much nice stuff.
0:45:19 > 0:45:24- But how much is it worth? - Well, let me see.
0:45:24 > 0:45:3014,000, plus 51, plus 40, carry my one and that equals...
0:45:30 > 0:45:33- We're saved.- If only the people in the banks accepted all these
0:45:33 > 0:45:36- props as currency.- What?
0:45:36 > 0:45:39- No. We sell the stuff, then pay the banks.- Oh, yes, we're saved!
0:45:39 > 0:45:43Well, Dom. It looks like you've landed on your feet.
0:45:43 > 0:45:46How about you sweeping me off mine?
0:45:46 > 0:45:49I'd love to but it's time for this week's finale.
0:45:49 > 0:45:51But what is this week's finale?
0:45:51 > 0:45:52We don't know.
0:45:52 > 0:45:55Come on, everyone out, come on, let's go.
0:45:55 > 0:45:57Right, you stupid prawn.
0:45:57 > 0:45:59Through here.
0:46:01 > 0:46:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:46:05 > 0:46:08- Thank you.- Thank you very much. Well, my old friend,
0:46:08 > 0:46:12I think it's time to draw the curtain on another fantastic show.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14- It's already drawn, so what's the point?- OK.
0:46:14 > 0:46:17It's time to watch another show sail into the showbiz sunset.
0:46:17 > 0:46:19I'm not doing the cruise ships again.
0:46:19 > 0:46:22- You know what happened last time.- OK.
0:46:22 > 0:46:25It's the end of the show. I'm trying to be professional!
0:46:25 > 0:46:28In that case, can you please put your hands together
0:46:28 > 0:46:30and repeat the process, as we welcome back
0:46:30 > 0:46:32this week's special guest star,
0:46:32 > 0:46:35showbusiness' very own Tracy-Ann Oberman.
0:46:35 > 0:46:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:46:37 > 0:46:39Oi!
0:46:39 > 0:46:42Oh, she's over there. Tracy, thank you very much.
0:46:42 > 0:46:44It's an honour to have you here.
0:46:44 > 0:46:47It's a pleasure to be here. Thank you.
0:46:47 > 0:46:49Lovely. You're in two of my favourite TV programmes -
0:46:49 > 0:46:52Doctor Who, EastEnders. Do you pick these shows
0:46:52 > 0:46:54- because the theme tunes are cool? - What?- What?
0:46:54 > 0:46:58You know, Doctor Who and EastEnders, both great theme tunes.
0:46:58 > 0:46:59Doctor Who goes...
0:46:59 > 0:47:03- # Squiddly-do, squiddly-do... # - Ooh, eeh-ooh! #
0:47:03 > 0:47:07- Stop!- And EastEnders is... # Ra-da da-da da-da da-da... #
0:47:07 > 0:47:09I think you're doing the wrong theme.
0:47:09 > 0:47:11That's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here.
0:47:11 > 0:47:16Were you in that? I think I remember. Christopher Biggins.
0:47:16 > 0:47:20No, the other one! Who ate the kangaroo's...you know...
0:47:20 > 0:47:24No, I mean the theme tune. I mean you're doing the wrong theme tune.
0:47:24 > 0:47:26The theme to I'm A Celebrity goes...
0:47:26 > 0:47:27# Duh-da-duh... #
0:47:27 > 0:47:31- Doesn't it?- Oh, yeah. - Whereas EastEnders goes...
0:47:31 > 0:47:33# Doof, doof, doof Da-da-da-da doof... #
0:47:33 > 0:47:36- Yeah!- Is there no end to her talents?
0:47:36 > 0:47:38- Fantastic.- I get it now. It's very complicated.
0:47:38 > 0:47:42There is no end to your talents, Tracy-Ann Oberman, but...
0:47:42 > 0:47:45we'll find out more because the show must go on.
0:47:45 > 0:47:46Fine by me. What's the plan?
0:47:46 > 0:47:49Good job you asked. There is no plan.
0:47:49 > 0:47:52It's all made up. Better still, it's all about you.
0:47:52 > 0:47:55Yeah, so please give a huge Tracy-Ann Oberman-shaped welcome
0:47:55 > 0:47:59to our house band, straight out of Dublin. It's Abandoman.
0:48:02 > 0:48:04Hello! Hello, hello.
0:48:04 > 0:48:07Yes, this is improvisational rap extraordinaires Abandoman.
0:48:07 > 0:48:10We have James on the guitar and this is Rob on the mic.
0:48:10 > 0:48:13When you give them words, subjects or phrases, they'll magically
0:48:13 > 0:48:16- include them in their rap. - Yeah, it's great.
0:48:16 > 0:48:21- Tracy-Ann, today's big finale rap is all about you.- Wow!
0:48:21 > 0:48:26- What do we do first?- We're going to ask Tracy-Ann a simple question.
0:48:26 > 0:48:30Tracy-Ann, you starred in MI High, a brilliant show about spies.
0:48:30 > 0:48:33In the show there is a character called Frank London.
0:48:33 > 0:48:36He was known for making inventions like the Enormosizer,
0:48:36 > 0:48:38which made things huge.
0:48:38 > 0:48:41What I'd like you to do is to tell us, if you were to create
0:48:41 > 0:48:43an invention, what would it be?
0:48:43 > 0:48:47Something ridiculous. Something like a hat that allows you
0:48:47 > 0:48:48to read people's thoughts.
0:48:48 > 0:48:51Or rockets on your shoes to allow yourself to propel
0:48:51 > 0:48:53through the city. What would you create?
0:48:53 > 0:48:57I would create a mirror so that when you looked into it, you would have a
0:48:57 > 0:49:01- complete makeover, exactly as you imagined in your head.- Excellent.
0:49:01 > 0:49:04OK, do we like this suggestion?
0:49:04 > 0:49:06CHEERING
0:49:06 > 0:49:09OK, very nice. A makeover so you could look like anything.
0:49:09 > 0:49:12Frankenstein, like a vampire, like a celebrity that you like.
0:49:12 > 0:49:14Absolutely brilliant.
0:49:14 > 0:49:17We're going to use this for our song, but before we do,
0:49:17 > 0:49:20we're going to ask you, the lovely people here, for some words
0:49:20 > 0:49:24that we have to use in this song.
0:49:24 > 0:49:28Dick is going to wander up here and collect words from you.
0:49:28 > 0:49:31If you have got a word - not a short word like cat - a long word
0:49:31 > 0:49:33like encyclopaedia or antelope.
0:49:33 > 0:49:35If you've got a word, put your hand in the air. Lovely.
0:49:35 > 0:49:41OK, let's get the first word, and Tracy-Ann is going to write it down.
0:49:41 > 0:49:42- Go ahead.- Stand up.
0:49:43 > 0:49:46- What's your name?- Jake. - And what's your word?
0:49:46 > 0:49:51- Anti-disestablishmentarianism. - Anti-disestablishmentarianism.
0:49:51 > 0:49:54Jake, may I say that is the greatest word we have ever had.
0:49:54 > 0:49:56Give Jake a round of applause.
0:50:00 > 0:50:03- Who, may I ask, are you? - Ian.- What's your word?- Cosmetic.
0:50:03 > 0:50:06Cosmetic, brilliant, lovely. Let's get another.
0:50:07 > 0:50:09You, stand up. What's your name?
0:50:09 > 0:50:13- David.- David. What's your word? - Milk.- Milk.
0:50:13 > 0:50:18Well done, David. One more and then we'll get a few more questions.
0:50:18 > 0:50:20Specific questions.
0:50:20 > 0:50:22We'll go here. You'll do. You look good. What's your name?
0:50:22 > 0:50:24- Aiden.- What's your word?
0:50:24 > 0:50:26- Monkey.- Monkey, brilliant.
0:50:26 > 0:50:28We've got some random words. Brilliant.
0:50:28 > 0:50:32Now we'll get some words that are specific to the wonderful Tracy-Ann.
0:50:32 > 0:50:33Tracy-Ann starred in Doctor Who
0:50:33 > 0:50:35about a man who travels through time.
0:50:35 > 0:50:37If you were to travel into the past,
0:50:37 > 0:50:41who's someone you'd like to meet, like Cleopatra or Julius Caesar?
0:50:41 > 0:50:43What's your word, what's your famous character?
0:50:43 > 0:50:46- Anne Boleyn. - Anne Boleyn, absolutely beautiful.
0:50:46 > 0:50:50Now, Tracy-Ann also starred in MI High, a show about spies.
0:50:50 > 0:50:54If you've got an idea of something a spy would bring with them
0:50:54 > 0:50:56when they go on holidays, put your hand in the air and tell us.
0:50:56 > 0:50:58- What's your name?- Matthew.
0:50:58 > 0:51:02- Something a spy would bring with them?- A penknife.
0:51:02 > 0:51:04Absolutely brilliant. Last one.
0:51:04 > 0:51:08Tracy-Ann starred in EastEnders, a show that was set in the East End
0:51:08 > 0:51:11of London. Where is somewhere unusual to have a soap opera?
0:51:11 > 0:51:16Somewhere like a spaceship, or a badger's burrow, or a hat.
0:51:16 > 0:51:18I like your top at the back. Stand up. Lovely.
0:51:18 > 0:51:20- Zebra. What's your name?- Lucy.
0:51:22 > 0:51:24- Somewhere unusual for a soap opera? - A field.
0:51:24 > 0:51:27Brilliant. Give Lucy a round of applause.
0:51:27 > 0:51:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:51:29 > 0:51:32Now, may I say, you have been absolutely brilliant.
0:51:32 > 0:51:34However, there is one bonus question.
0:51:34 > 0:51:38Tracy-Ann, you will answer this. Only you can answer this.
0:51:38 > 0:51:41We are not going to see it. It's on a special gold card.
0:51:41 > 0:51:45Tracy-Ann, if you were to name your special makeover mirror,
0:51:45 > 0:51:48what would it be called? She's going to write it down there.
0:51:48 > 0:51:50Now, we're going to perform a song.
0:51:50 > 0:51:53We have to use every one of your words.
0:51:53 > 0:51:55When we use one of the words, you give us a cheer
0:51:55 > 0:51:57like this. One, two, three...
0:51:57 > 0:51:59CHEERING
0:51:59 > 0:52:01Absolutely lovely.
0:52:01 > 0:52:04- I think we are ready to do this song.- Not quite. Sorry, Rob.
0:52:04 > 0:52:08We promised Kelly-Ann, the glamorous and ditsy daughter of the owner
0:52:08 > 0:52:10owner of this establishment, a part in the finale.
0:52:10 > 0:52:13- The more the merrier. - Lovely. Kelly-Ann.
0:52:13 > 0:52:15CHEERING
0:52:17 > 0:52:20- Kelly-Ann, are you musical? - I think so, but I'm not
0:52:20 > 0:52:21entirely sure because...
0:52:21 > 0:52:24We'll take that as a no. That's why we're giving you
0:52:24 > 0:52:28something special to finish this week's show in your own special way.
0:52:28 > 0:52:31Yes, absolutely. This week, your special musical instrument
0:52:31 > 0:52:35- to play at the end of the show is... a cheap toy xylophone.- I love it.
0:52:35 > 0:52:38Good. Of course. I'm going to be holding the whole thing
0:52:38 > 0:52:42together in the rhythm section over there on my drum kit.
0:52:42 > 0:52:46Very nice. Ladies and gentlemen, this is an improvised song.
0:52:46 > 0:52:48We have to use the words that you have given us.
0:52:48 > 0:52:51It is about the suggestion from the wonderful Tracy-Ann -
0:52:51 > 0:52:54a mirror that when you look into it gives you any makeover
0:52:54 > 0:52:58you would like. Ladies and gentlemen, can we get a whoop?
0:52:58 > 0:53:00Can we get cheer?
0:53:00 > 0:53:02CHEERING
0:53:02 > 0:53:05Ladies and gentlemen, this is a song about the makeover mirror.
0:53:05 > 0:53:08Please make some noise, make some noise.
0:53:08 > 0:53:11Every word has to go in the rhyme.
0:53:11 > 0:53:13Every word has to go in the rhyme.
0:53:13 > 0:53:19# Magic mirror See reflections of your face
0:53:22 > 0:53:28# Magic mirror You can watch it change
0:53:28 > 0:53:32RAPS: # OK, OK, OK, listen now, here it goes
0:53:32 > 0:53:34# You see, you put on the make-up, it's game over
0:53:34 > 0:53:37# Everybody's saying, how do I get a makeover?
0:53:37 > 0:53:40# How can my face possibly look better?
0:53:40 > 0:53:42# What I'm saying is you need a magical mirror
0:53:42 > 0:53:45# Listen, I'm saying that this is real
0:53:45 > 0:53:47# You can buy it anywhere Even in a field...
0:53:47 > 0:53:48CHEERING
0:53:48 > 0:53:50# That's right, when you look in You will see
0:53:50 > 0:53:52# Something that is Yep, a new beauty
0:53:52 > 0:53:55# You know, I'm saying that would be so nice
0:53:55 > 0:53:57# It'll be the opposite of using a penknife...
0:53:57 > 0:53:58CHEERING
0:53:58 > 0:54:01# It'll be better than that You know you will be famous
0:54:01 > 0:54:03# Think of it It comes in make-up
0:54:03 > 0:54:05# You know, listen Take it on the chin
0:54:05 > 0:54:07# You look beautiful like, I don't know, Anne Boleyn...
0:54:07 > 0:54:09CHEERING
0:54:09 > 0:54:11# That's how we do That's what we see
0:54:11 > 0:54:13# With this mirror You're going to get beauty
0:54:13 > 0:54:14# I'm saying that you can look lovely
0:54:14 > 0:54:16# It's Halloween Just think about it
0:54:16 > 0:54:19- # You can become a monkey That's right... - CHEERING
0:54:19 > 0:54:21# You're a bit of an imp but when you look into the mirror
0:54:21 > 0:54:22# You're a bit of a chimp
0:54:22 > 0:54:24# I'm saying with this that I'm skilled
0:54:24 > 0:54:27# You can be something ridiculous like a carton of milk
0:54:27 > 0:54:28CHEERING
0:54:28 > 0:54:30# Anything you like Just think about it
0:54:30 > 0:54:32# And you'll transform No doubt about it
0:54:32 > 0:54:34# It's a mirror from Tracy-Ann You've got to get it
0:54:34 > 0:54:38- # It does stuff with your face that is cosmetic - CHEERING
0:54:38 > 0:54:39# That's how we play You know that it's crazy
0:54:39 > 0:54:42# Sold every day, see, by Tracy
0:54:42 > 0:54:44# You know, I'm saying, listen, it's a vision
0:54:44 > 0:54:47# Of anti-disestablishmentarianism
0:54:47 > 0:54:48CHEERING
0:54:48 > 0:54:50# That's right, you know it's happened then
0:54:50 > 0:54:52# It's anti-disestablishment
0:54:52 > 0:54:54# I'm saying that it's going to be clean
0:54:54 > 0:54:57# It's basically a mirror that's starting to Rage Against the Machine
0:54:57 > 0:55:00# But I'm saying that's right This one will be better
0:55:00 > 0:55:02# It's simply called Magi-your-mirror
0:55:02 > 0:55:04# Magi-your-mirror
0:55:04 > 0:55:06# Magi-your-mirror
0:55:06 > 0:55:08# Oh, Magi-your-mirror
0:55:08 > 0:55:11# Yes, it's called Magi-your-mirror
0:55:11 > 0:55:13- # Magi-your-mirror - Everyone!
0:55:13 > 0:55:16- # Magi-your-mirror - Sing it back!
0:55:16 > 0:55:18# Magi-your-mirror
0:55:18 > 0:55:20# It's called Magi-your-mirror. #
0:55:22 > 0:55:23Yes!
0:55:30 > 0:55:32Very nice. Ladies and gentlemen, will you please
0:55:32 > 0:55:36put your hands together for James and Rob - they are Abandoman.
0:55:36 > 0:55:39Fantastic. That's all the funny business
0:55:39 > 0:55:42we've got time for, so please thank this week's amazing cast.
0:55:42 > 0:55:44The Three Englishmen!
0:55:44 > 0:55:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:55:47 > 0:55:48Toby!
0:55:48 > 0:55:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:55:52 > 0:55:55The Rootin' Tootin' Cowboys!
0:55:55 > 0:55:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:55:58 > 0:56:02The fantastic and gorgeous and slightly ditzy Kelly-Ann Manhattan.
0:56:02 > 0:56:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:56:04 > 0:56:09And this week's special guest star, the amazing Tracy-Ann Oberman.
0:56:09 > 0:56:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:56:11 > 0:56:15- We've been Dick and Dom.- And this has been our Funny Business.
0:56:15 > 0:56:16See you next time. Bye-bye.
0:56:31 > 0:56:34Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:56:34 > 0:56:37E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
0:56:38 > 0:56:39How come it's still cold?
0:56:39 > 0:56:43I turned the heating off, for the environment and all that.
0:56:43 > 0:56:47Oh, yeah. What a great show, eh?
0:56:47 > 0:56:49Oh, yes. We had the Three Englishmen,
0:56:49 > 0:56:53the Rootin' Tootin' Cowboys, Toby in A Date With A Zombie. Brilliant.
0:56:53 > 0:56:56Hey, Tracy-Ann Oberman has to be one of my favourite guests so far.
0:56:56 > 0:57:00- You always say that.- Yeah, well. I think we did a good job, considering
0:57:00 > 0:57:03- we nearly got shut down.- Yes. And look at the wonga we made
0:57:03 > 0:57:04from that priceless junk I sold.
0:57:04 > 0:57:06You can get that handbag you wanted.
0:57:06 > 0:57:08What? Shut up!
0:57:08 > 0:57:10Wait a minute. What's this?
0:57:12 > 0:57:13Scented.
0:57:13 > 0:57:14Smells of feet.
0:57:19 > 0:57:21Oh. From Tracy-Ann Oberman.
0:57:21 > 0:57:22Good news?
0:57:22 > 0:57:25Dear Dick and Dom...
0:57:25 > 0:57:26It's her bill!
0:57:27 > 0:57:29BOTH: Oh, great(!)