0:00:02 > 0:00:03Hoopla!
0:00:03 > 0:00:05# Fire up the van and hit the open road
0:00:05 > 0:00:09# We're putting on a show from a travelling abode
0:00:09 > 0:00:11# Fabulous feats that are crazy and colourful
0:00:11 > 0:00:14# Prepare to be amazed by the weird and the wonderful
0:00:14 > 0:00:16# Hoopla
0:00:16 > 0:00:19# Everybody shout Hoopla
0:00:19 > 0:00:21# All together now, Hoopla
0:00:21 > 0:00:25# Everybody loves Hoopla
0:00:25 > 0:00:29# They'll be magic, mayhem mystery, suspense
0:00:29 > 0:00:31# Prizes, surprises It's going to be immense
0:00:31 > 0:00:34# From Matlock to Margate Pontefract to Perth
0:00:34 > 0:00:37# It's simply going to be the greatest show on Earth
0:00:37 > 0:00:39# Hoopla
0:00:39 > 0:00:42# Everybody shout Hoopla
0:00:42 > 0:00:45# All together now, Hoopla
0:00:45 > 0:00:49# Everybody loves Hoopla. #
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Prepare to be amazed!
0:00:57 > 0:01:00BOTH: Hoopla!
0:01:00 > 0:01:04Dick and Dom's Hoopla, a show of unbelievable sights,
0:01:04 > 0:01:07- of exciting musical treats... - Now, play!
0:01:07 > 0:01:11..of weird, terrifying, vomit-inducing games,
0:01:11 > 0:01:14and at the show's heart, two of the most wonderful beings
0:01:14 > 0:01:17ever to tread the soils of this fair planet.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18BOTH: Hoopla!
0:01:18 > 0:01:21But what do we really know about Hoopla?
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Where did it come from? What does it mean?
0:01:24 > 0:01:26And why...
0:01:26 > 0:01:28well, just why?
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Join us for the next hour as we strive to discover
0:01:31 > 0:01:35The Truth About Dick & Dom's Hoopla!
0:01:40 > 0:01:41It's Thursday at 3am,
0:01:41 > 0:01:45and Dick is looking after the acts in this week's show.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49GROANING
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Shurrup and eat your fish!
0:01:51 > 0:01:53GRUNTING
0:01:53 > 0:01:55The acts are the life blood of the show,
0:01:55 > 0:01:57we've got acrobats, comedians, jugglers,
0:01:57 > 0:01:59the best of the best, really,
0:01:59 > 0:02:01and we have to take extra special care of them.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Their well-being is so important to us.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06DOM GRUNTS
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- Not again!- He'll be all right once he's had a cup of tea.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12No, he won't.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16DICK WHISTLES
0:02:16 > 0:02:18I've got a little mask for you here.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22If you stand about here, John, stop backing off like that,
0:02:22 > 0:02:24you've got to be far forward, you're in the show now,
0:02:24 > 0:02:26that goes on there. Beautiful, beautiful.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29This fits on the facial area.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Near the nasal region, there we go.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Let me see, let's make you more comfortable, is that OK?
0:02:35 > 0:02:38- GRUFF VOICE:- 'Oh, yeah, yeah!'
0:02:39 > 0:02:40Are you OK?
0:02:40 > 0:02:43'Oh, yes! I'm excited now, yeah!'
0:02:43 > 0:02:45So am I!
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Give everyone a wave over there.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50'Hello! Hello, ladies! All right!'
0:02:50 > 0:02:52'Hello, ladies! I like the ladies!'
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Oh, really? He likes the ladies.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58'I know, yeah. I like all the pretty ladies!'
0:02:58 > 0:02:59Hey, all right, John.
0:02:59 > 0:03:04Don't worry, Nicky, I'm not missing you out. I've got one for you.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Oh, beautiful! Look at that. Come here, let's try that on there.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Beautiful, that fits on there. Fantastic. Look at that.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14LAUGHTER
0:03:14 > 0:03:17That's... Oh, I nearly forgot, I've got this as well!
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Now, come here, Nicky.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23It's all right, I'm not going to make anybody wear this,
0:03:23 > 0:03:26it's uncomfortable. It's hot under these lights and it's moth-eaten
0:03:26 > 0:03:28and flea-ridden. Nobody wants to wear this.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30- SQUEAKY VOICE:- 'I do!'
0:03:33 > 0:03:34Really?
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- NICKY:- 'I do! I do! I do! Please! Me! Me! Me! Me!'
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Really?
0:03:39 > 0:03:40- NICKY:- 'Yeah!'
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- NICKY:- 'It's going to bring back so many memories!
0:03:43 > 0:03:47- NICKY:- 'Yay, hee-hee! Hee-hee!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- NICKY:- 'Ha-ha-ha!'
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- NICKY:- 'Ooh, you're making me laugh!' Good!
0:03:54 > 0:03:55In this case, literally!
0:03:55 > 0:03:56- NICKY:- 'Yeah!'
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Come a bit closer, Nicky.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Let's try that on, fantastic. Oh! Look at that.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- NICKY:- 'Yeah, beautiful, beautiful!
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- NICKY:- 'I've always wanted to be ginger!'
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Yeah...
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- NICKY:- 'Again!' OK, right.
0:04:11 > 0:04:12- NICKY:- 'Hee-hee-hee!'
0:04:12 > 0:04:14You've gone quiet, John.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- JOHN:- 'I know!'
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- JOHN:- 'I'm just checking out the ladies! All right!'
0:04:22 > 0:04:27John, we haven't got long, we've got to hurry up! He likes the ladies.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- NICKY:- 'I know!'
0:04:29 > 0:04:30Do you like the ladies?
0:04:30 > 0:04:31- NICKY:- 'Not really, no.'
0:04:34 > 0:04:35'I'm not bothered, no.'
0:04:37 > 0:04:38What are you going to do, then?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40'We're going to sing a song.'
0:04:40 > 0:04:41Really?
0:04:43 > 0:04:45- You're doing a song? - NICKY:- 'Yeah!'
0:04:45 > 0:04:47- You as well? - JOHN:- 'Oh, yeah!'
0:04:50 > 0:04:54And you're both singing it? 'Yeah!' 'Yeah!' 'Yeah!' 'Yeah!'
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Together? 'Yeah!' 'Yeah!' 'Yeah!'
0:04:58 > 0:05:02- At the same time? - JOHN:- 'Oh, yeah! Yeah!'
0:05:02 > 0:05:04I'm quite keen to see how I do this myself.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Let's manoeuvre you into position, OK.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09We're going to go for the big song. Are you ready?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11- NICKY:- 'Yeah, I was born ready.'
0:05:12 > 0:05:13One, two...
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- JOHN:- # I like to move it, move it
0:05:15 > 0:05:18# I like to move it, move it I like to move it, move it
0:05:18 > 0:05:22# I'm too sexy for my shirt Too sexy for my shirt! #
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Hey, John!
0:05:25 > 0:05:26You're getting carried away.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- Did I count to three then? - NICKY:- 'You didn't.'
0:05:29 > 0:05:31- I didn't, did I? - NICKY:- 'No, you didn't.'
0:05:33 > 0:05:34- NICKY:- 'You didn't.'
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- No, you sound like Orville. - NICKY:- 'I know, you didn't.'
0:05:38 > 0:05:40We're going to sit you both down, now.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- NICKY:- 'No, I want to stay here!' Really?
0:05:44 > 0:05:47'Yes, I want this to last for ever.'
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- NICKY:- 'I want to do a solo!'
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Yeah? So you're going to sing?
0:05:53 > 0:05:57- NICKY:- 'Yeah.' You're not going to sing, are you? JOHN: 'No!'
0:05:58 > 0:06:00- JOHN:- 'I'm going to dance.' Oh, really?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02LAUGHTER
0:06:03 > 0:06:04# Boom box
0:06:04 > 0:06:07# Never go anywhere without my boom box
0:06:07 > 0:06:10# Sitting having breakfast chilling with my boom box
0:06:10 > 0:06:13# Hold up, take a minute Listen to my boom box
0:06:13 > 0:06:16# All the boys gather round just to see my boom box
0:06:16 > 0:06:19# Ain't no way you're going to turn me down, boom box
0:06:19 > 0:06:22# Love it when the speakers go kapow, boom box
0:06:22 > 0:06:25# Everybody's looking at it They wish they had it
0:06:25 > 0:06:27# Never heard anything this loud
0:06:27 > 0:06:28# Boom box
0:06:28 > 0:06:31# I want to, want to Want to hear my boom box
0:06:31 > 0:06:34# From the car, to my room To the rooftops
0:06:34 > 0:06:37# I want to, want to Want to hear my boom box
0:06:37 > 0:06:39# All I need is me and my boom box
0:06:39 > 0:06:42# It makes me go Boom, b-b-boom, boom, boom
0:06:42 > 0:06:45# Yeah, it makes me go Boom, b-boom, b-boom, boom
0:06:45 > 0:06:49# It makes me go Boom, b-b-boom, boom, boom
0:06:49 > 0:06:52# It makes me go Boom, b-boom, b-boom, boom
0:06:52 > 0:06:53# Boom box. #
0:06:54 > 0:06:55Now, in the show,
0:06:55 > 0:06:59you challenge members of the public to take part in a variety of games.
0:06:59 > 0:07:00Yes, that's right.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03It's our chance to give something back to the people,
0:07:03 > 0:07:07giving them their chance to shine in the spotlight and to be honest,
0:07:07 > 0:07:10we are inundated with requests to participate.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Madam!
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Would you like to take part in Uncle Dom's Teeth-Pulling Challenge?
0:07:15 > 0:07:18- Oh, I'd rather not.- Good! What's your name?- Er, Amanda?
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Amanda, huh? Paul, Jenny, Helen,
0:07:20 > 0:07:23we ain't got an Amanda, you'll have to be Bernard.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26- Oh, please, I really don't want to...- Shut up, Bernard!
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Some of the games look fairly dangerous.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha!
0:07:33 > 0:07:37I mean, at the end of the day, what is safety?
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Look, we take everyone's safety very seriously on this show!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Every contestant is vetted
0:07:42 > 0:07:44to make sure they're fully fit for the challenge.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48- Do you have a phobia of clowns?- Yes! - Any chronic health problems?- Yes!
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Are you allergic to any of the following substances?
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- Cold mashed potata!- Yes. - Rancid kipper heads?- Ooh, yes!
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- Otter's milk?- Yes. - Well, you're doing it anyway.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- Please don't make me. - BOTH: Shut up, Bernard!
0:08:01 > 0:08:05- What's the second challenge?- Second challenge is a Star Jump Challenge.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08The star jump. For the stupid viewers at home,
0:08:08 > 0:08:09what is a star-jump?
0:08:09 > 0:08:10HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS
0:08:10 > 0:08:14Brilliant, OK. So, who's going to go first? I think it's going to be Sam.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17If you step forward, and we're going to see
0:08:17 > 0:08:19how many you can do in 20 seconds.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- You get a point for every one that you do. Are you ready?- Yeah.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Your time starts now.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46BELL RINGS
0:08:46 > 0:08:47OK, well done, Sam.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53- So, Lewis, how many did Sam manage to do?- 26.- 26!
0:08:54 > 0:08:57- Can you see anything?- No. - Good. Turn to face that way.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59OK, so, Round One!
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Here's the clue.
0:09:02 > 0:09:07'Has a sharp tongue but always takes his friends on holiday.'
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Kiss or punch?
0:09:08 > 0:09:13- 'Ow, that hurt.'- He punched Simon Cowell! One point!
0:09:13 > 0:09:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:15 > 0:09:16Round Two!
0:09:18 > 0:09:20OK, so...
0:09:20 > 0:09:24'Fluffy on the outside but can scratch for no reason.'
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Kiss or punch?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Kiss! You kissed a kitten! One point.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Round Three.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35OK.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37LAUGHTER
0:09:37 > 0:09:38Shurrup!
0:09:38 > 0:09:40'The world's second best double act!'
0:09:42 > 0:09:47No, don't cheer! No, you punched Ant & Dec! That's bad!
0:09:47 > 0:09:50No, you don't get any points for that. Naughty!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52OK, Round Four.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57'Terrible skin but good with recipes.'
0:09:59 > 0:10:02No! You kissed a witch!
0:10:02 > 0:10:04No points, and that's the end of your round.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Blindfold off, you got two points.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09BOTH: Cackamanga!
0:10:13 > 0:10:14Come on, then.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17# You can run but you can't hide
0:10:17 > 0:10:20# From the Hand of Cackamanga
0:10:20 > 0:10:23# If you don't slip you'll certainly not slide
0:10:23 > 0:10:26# You'll be waving your fist in anger
0:10:26 > 0:10:28# Sam has gone, Sam has gone
0:10:28 > 0:10:32# Cos he got the Hand of Cackamanga
0:10:32 > 0:10:34# George has gone, he's gone away
0:10:34 > 0:10:37# He got slapped by the Cackamanga Hand
0:10:37 > 0:10:39# You can dodge... #
0:10:39 > 0:10:40Whoa!
0:10:43 > 0:10:46# Don't look away cos it needs its prey
0:10:46 > 0:10:49# The Hand of Cackamanga
0:10:49 > 0:10:52# Cackamanga, Steven's gone down
0:10:52 > 0:10:55# Cackamanga, Cackamanga. #
0:10:55 > 0:10:58BOTH: We rule! We rule!
0:10:58 > 0:11:01# Ca-ca-ca, Cackamanga
0:11:01 > 0:11:03# You have no choice
0:11:03 > 0:11:06# You got no time to put your coat on, Anga
0:11:06 > 0:11:08# Cackamanga, Cackamanga
0:11:08 > 0:11:11# Feel the smack of the handy wanga
0:11:11 > 0:11:14# If you think that you can dodge
0:11:14 > 0:11:17# If you think that you can dodge
0:11:17 > 0:11:20# If you dream of winning the prize
0:11:20 > 0:11:23# And for now you've gone
0:11:23 > 0:11:26# Cackamanga, Cackamanga
0:11:26 > 0:11:30# Cacka-Cacka-Cacka-Ca-Cackamanga
0:11:30 > 0:11:35# Wow, Tia and Eve, say good eve
0:11:35 > 0:11:37# You gone...! #
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Stop! That way!
0:11:41 > 0:11:43# Look out boy, look out girl
0:11:43 > 0:11:46# Cackamanga's going to crush your world
0:11:46 > 0:11:49# Drive away, you can't get far
0:11:49 > 0:11:52# Don't be dumb It's only a bumper car
0:11:52 > 0:11:55# Drive real fast and dodge the goo
0:11:55 > 0:11:58# But in the end the hand will come down on you
0:11:58 > 0:12:00# Ian, you're gone
0:12:00 > 0:12:03# We got a winner! #
0:12:03 > 0:12:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:06 > 0:12:11We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen! Look, look!
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Whoa, whoa! You haven't got her!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- I can't move!- Get back in the cars!
0:12:16 > 0:12:19And you're playing and all!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21We don't have a winner!
0:12:21 > 0:12:25# Winner! #
0:12:25 > 0:12:27A-a-a-agh!
0:12:27 > 0:12:32# No, no, we don't have a winner
0:12:32 > 0:12:35# No, no, we don't have a winner
0:12:35 > 0:12:38# No, no, we don't have a winner
0:12:38 > 0:12:41# You've got the Hand of Cackamanga
0:12:41 > 0:12:43# No, we don't have a winner
0:12:43 > 0:12:45# Going to get ya... #
0:12:46 > 0:12:49We have a winner, we have a winner!
0:12:53 > 0:12:54I won!
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Ladies and gentlemen, the winner is Amy!
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Come along, let's meet Contestant Number Two!
0:13:00 > 0:13:04- Hello, Contestant Number Two, what's your name, m'dear?- It's Kate.- Kate.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08- That's a lovely name. Do you spook easily, Kate?- Sometimes.- Sometimes.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11What about if Jedward were in your wardrobe
0:13:11 > 0:13:14- doing a very tricky crossword wearing shiny shoes?- Not really.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16I think that would be very spooky, I'd phone the police.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20You know what's going on, you can't spill this juice from your headgear,
0:13:20 > 0:13:22and when you're inside the ghost train,
0:13:22 > 0:13:26- whatever you do, don't touch your helmet, do you understand?- Yeah.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27All right, then. Very best of luck.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31Before you go in the ghost train, I've got to give you a ding, so...
0:13:31 > 0:13:33SINGS GIBBERISH
0:13:33 > 0:13:36That was a very strange vocal delivery from me, but there we are.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Off we go. Shove off!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40SPOOKY MANIACAL LAUGHTER
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I don't know what's going on.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49'Double history every single day.'
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Two centimetres to beat. Will she do it?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55HIGH-PITCHED EVIL LAUGHTER
0:13:57 > 0:13:59- B'a-a-a-agh!- A-a-a-agh!
0:13:59 > 0:14:03A scream! A scream! Yes!
0:14:03 > 0:14:06FANFARE AND APPLAUSE
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Gabriel, you're very naughty.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10I scared her, Roger, I scared her.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13You did scare her, very well done.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Right, Kate, if you just very carefully step out.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Oh, dearie me, there's juice everywhere.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Gabriel, did she cheat inside there?
0:14:21 > 0:14:23No, she was very good, she never touched the helmet
0:14:23 > 0:14:25and didn't let any juice out.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30Good, very good, Kate. Look at her, very tactical. Hang on a minute.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Two...look, you look spooky and scared now, Kate.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36This is marvellous. Right, let's just measure.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Two centimetres to beat...
0:14:38 > 0:14:42Let's have a look. Oh, and four of your Earth centimetres.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Which means Kate's the winner!
0:14:44 > 0:14:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:46 > 0:14:50Right, Kate, step down onto the pants of Eggbetmar,
0:14:50 > 0:14:52the ghost of all things spooky.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Will you put this over your head and do a nice hula dance?
0:14:55 > 0:14:59But only when I start singing. OK, are you ready? Here we go.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02# Gimme that, gimme that Gimme, gimme, gimme that
0:15:02 > 0:15:04# Gimme that ding Gimme that, gimme, gimme that
0:15:04 > 0:15:07# Gimme that ding Gimme that, gimme, gimme that
0:15:07 > 0:15:08# Gimme, gimme, gimme that
0:15:08 > 0:15:10# Ding. #
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Oh, wasn't that absolutely adorable?
0:15:12 > 0:15:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:15 > 0:15:19What's...what...what are you doing?
0:15:19 > 0:15:21HE GIGGLES
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Pick a celebrity.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Erm, I'll choose...
0:15:25 > 0:15:27IMITATING HIM: I'll choose...
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Which one d'you like the look of?
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- You've got Kylie over there, Fearne Cotton, Madonna...- Him?
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Who do you think that is?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Erm, Mr Pig?
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Yeah, go for Mr Pig!
0:15:39 > 0:15:41LAUGHTER
0:15:41 > 0:15:45- It's Brian Cox, go. - 'Hey, hey, mate!'
0:15:45 > 0:15:46No, that's Cheryl Cole, higher!
0:15:46 > 0:15:47BOTH: Ooh!
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- 'Oh, nearly.'- BOTH: Ooh!
0:15:50 > 0:15:53So, unfortunately, no, wait, come here!
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Come here! I'm going to get you! Come on!
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Ha-ha-ha!
0:15:58 > 0:15:59OK, you little...oi!
0:15:59 > 0:16:01LAUGHTER
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Just watch it, you!
0:17:04 > 0:17:08Richard McCourt, known to everyone as Dick.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11Superstar, inspiration, legend...
0:17:11 > 0:17:14are just some of the words he has learned recently,
0:17:14 > 0:17:16thanks to his new pocket dictionary.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19But what is it that makes Dick tick?
0:17:19 > 0:17:23I am just a man of simple pleasures, there's nothing starry about me.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24Here.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26WHAT is that?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Decaf skinny soya latte.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33A decaf skinny soya latte WHAT?
0:17:33 > 0:17:37- Oh, a decaf skinny soya latte, ma'am.- That's better.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39DOM STIFLES LAUGHTER
0:17:39 > 0:17:42- Where are the chocolate sprinkles? - You said you didn't want any.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Well, I changed my mind when you were out!
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- Oh.- How can you not understand that? Get out of my sight!
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- Or I'll send you back to Wolverhampton.- Yes.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Ah. Ooh, it's really rather lovely.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01Well, what can you say about a man like Dick? I mean...
0:18:01 > 0:18:03He's got a face. Arms, legs...
0:18:07 > 0:18:09That's about it, really.
0:18:09 > 0:18:10DICK CRIES
0:18:17 > 0:18:18CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:18:20 > 0:18:23So, who came up with the idea for Hoopla?
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Guilty.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26It was me!
0:18:26 > 0:18:29You see, I just wanted to change people's perceptions of me.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31The media portrayed me as some kind of fool,
0:18:31 > 0:18:35a fool that wears ridiculous clothing and rolls around on the floor.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38- I'd like to think this show has changed all that.- Hoopla!
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Listen, he has got the only pectoral muscles
0:18:41 > 0:18:44that can do something very special.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45They do this...
0:18:45 > 0:18:47DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:18:47 > 0:18:49BOUNCING SOUND
0:18:49 > 0:18:51LAUGHTER
0:18:51 > 0:18:53CONTINUOUS BOUNCING NOISES
0:18:55 > 0:18:58LAUGHTER CONTINUES
0:18:58 > 0:19:02He hasn't got a six-pack, he's got a one pack!
0:19:03 > 0:19:08It looks like a swollen outy belly button and it does this...
0:19:08 > 0:19:10WOBBLY NOISES
0:19:10 > 0:19:11LAUGHTER
0:19:13 > 0:19:14BOUNCING NOISES
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Come with me. Mind your step, get your leg over the step.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Right, onto the assault course, there we go.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29OK, Michael, looking for a good, strong effort, OK?
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Get motivated, let me see your war face!
0:19:31 > 0:19:33- SCREAMS - That's it, good man.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37Remember, you're in front of the jammy rods. Your time starts now, go.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Right, go. Get on with it. Come on, get yourself through, good.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Keep moving! Keep moving!
0:19:42 > 0:19:44THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:19:44 > 0:19:48There's your rod, there's the rod. BUZZING NOISE
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Ah! You've touched it, 30 second penalty.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:19:52 > 0:19:54It's a good effort.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55No, wait for it!
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Mind the guillotine. Get on the floor!
0:19:58 > 0:20:00LAUGHTER
0:20:00 > 0:20:02- Get under the...- Not that way!
0:20:02 > 0:20:06- Get up.- You stupid man. Not that way.- This way!- That way!
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- Under the trap.- Keep moving.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Get right under. Down. Get down more, down more!
0:20:10 > 0:20:13DROWNED OUT BY LAUGHTER
0:20:15 > 0:20:17THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:20:17 > 0:20:21- Get back here!- You've got to crawl...- Get up on your feet!
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Mind the punchbag.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Mind the punchbag.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26DICK LAUGHS
0:20:26 > 0:20:30- Oi!- Stop.- Ah, you've done it!
0:20:30 > 0:20:31GONG
0:20:31 > 0:20:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:35 > 0:20:37WHISTLING FROM AUDIENCE
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Baby Dick's got his nappy stuck.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40LAUGHTER
0:20:40 > 0:20:42- COMMENTATOR:- Well, look at this.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Was it a sensible outfit to wear?
0:20:46 > 0:20:50- Have you, have you soiled yourself? - I'm stuck to it. I'm stuck on it...
0:20:50 > 0:20:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Where's my stick gone?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- This could end messily. - You naughty baby!
0:20:57 > 0:20:59SPANKING NOISES
0:20:59 > 0:21:01I don't know what he's doing, but it is an absolute shambles.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Right, Phoebe, congratulations.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07You are the winner of the next Golden Hoopla Hoop!
0:21:07 > 0:21:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:09 > 0:21:13Going on...three, two, one.
0:21:13 > 0:21:14Hoopla!
0:21:14 > 0:21:16MUSIC AND APPLAUSE
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Clowns, take her away!
0:21:34 > 0:21:38We'll see you later in the Finaleval. Goodbye.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- What are you doing?- Huh...
0:21:45 > 0:21:46DOM LAUGHS
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Hoopla!
0:21:48 > 0:21:52Dominic Wood, a man.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Some call him the beating heart of the carnival.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Some call him the soul of the show.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Others call him to discuss his current mobile phone payment plan.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03I've never liked him.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07- How would you describe yourself in one word?- Very nice.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08No, that's two words.
0:22:10 > 0:22:11I know, I was just testing you.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17- So, how would you describe yourself in one word?- Very nice.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21'Dick and I have a very close working relationship.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23'I think that's an important factor
0:22:23 > 0:22:25'in the continuing success of the show.'
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Hello and welcome to the town of Milkmaidrawtrumps!
0:22:29 > 0:22:33Listen, if you're, um, not doing anything, maybe, tonight,
0:22:33 > 0:22:36you can come round to mine for a curry and a chick flick.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38What have I told you? Don't bother me, ever!
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- No, don't touch me! - Yes, good point.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46Er... yes.
0:22:50 > 0:22:51- Stop it!- Yes.
0:22:54 > 0:22:59Throughout the course of the show, have you ever felt uncomfortable?
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Never. No.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Hoopla!
0:23:04 > 0:23:05Roll up, roll up!
0:23:05 > 0:23:12This man can guess your age using the power of his mind, guaranteed!
0:23:12 > 0:23:15Whatever you do, don't make me look stupid.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18- All right?- All right. - Off we go!
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- 38.- 34.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25- Oh! Bit hard.- Next!
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Er, what, six?
0:23:27 > 0:23:30- Seven.- Oh!- Next!- Bit hard!
0:23:32 > 0:23:3430, er, 34.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- 29.- Next!
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Seven.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44- Seven.- Hey!
0:23:46 > 0:23:47- Next!- Seven.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52Show them! Show them! At home!
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- Seven.- Get out.- Go on!
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Next.
0:24:00 > 0:24:0228.
0:24:02 > 0:24:0332.
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Next!
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Bit hard. 39.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- 32.- Next!
0:24:15 > 0:24:18No wait, wait, wait.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20- 11.- 11.- Ooh!- What?
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Next!
0:24:27 > 0:24:2853?
0:24:28 > 0:24:2914.
0:24:31 > 0:24:32Oh...
0:24:35 > 0:24:37DISTANT CHIME
0:24:41 > 0:24:46You... You made me... You've made me look stupid.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48I've had enough of you.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53It's me. Look.
0:24:55 > 0:24:56You've made me look stu...
0:24:56 > 0:24:58CHIMING CONTINUES
0:25:00 > 0:25:02CAT MEOWS
0:25:02 > 0:25:03SCREAMS
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Here we go. Oh,
0:25:05 > 0:25:08lovely early run by the Hairy.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11That's a poor start though, isn't it, John?
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Well, look at it now, because the Peaches seem to be...
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Good from the Peaches, getting down the wing.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19- Over the line.- Yes, straight away.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21APPLAUSE AND WHISTLE
0:25:21 > 0:25:25- Absolutely textbook. - What was nice about that, John,
0:25:25 > 0:25:28is they played it out wide, they got it down the wing,
0:25:28 > 0:25:30which is where they should be getting it.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33But they left a man up front, one at the back.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- They did. And... - This is good play. The Reds...
0:25:36 > 0:25:39- WHISTLE - Here we go again.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41- Now... - SCREAMING
0:25:41 > 0:25:45- Oh...- That's a foul, I think.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48The referee's showing a yellow card, now he's showing red.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51He doesn't know what he's doing, this young man here.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54On the pitch there's some very exciting activity,
0:25:54 > 0:25:59- very close to the line.- Oh! - And again! Two-nil.
0:25:59 > 0:26:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:00 > 0:26:04- Excellent...- What I'd say, John, at this point...- Yes.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07..is I think it's going to be a runaway success for the Peaches.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- It might well be. - That's what might happen here.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12There's a lot more time to play.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14The Reds, quite frankly, are all over the place.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- They don't know what they're doing. - I think...
0:26:17 > 0:26:20They don't know what they're doing, John.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23I'm not going to argue, but hang on a minute...
0:26:23 > 0:26:25But saying that, this could be their comeback.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- They're fighting back. - It's virtually an own goal.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30What I would say is that time,
0:26:30 > 0:26:33I really don't think the Greens knew what they were doing.
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Fair enough, Brian,
0:26:34 > 0:26:36but I think Rebecca and John did very well there.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Dick's in a real mess there.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42- Oh no, he's not doing it. - He's got him out.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45At least he's back in play.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47- Back in the arena.- Go on, Dom!
0:26:47 > 0:26:49WHISTLE
0:26:49 > 0:26:51So, quite a lot to play for here, John.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54And look at this runaway time...
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Nobody's moving. Look at Dom go.
0:26:57 > 0:27:02Well, this is absolutely extraordinary.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05I have to say to you there, John, about that...
0:27:05 > 0:27:08The Peaches didn't know where they were.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10They haven't regrouped.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12- They left nobody back. - No.- They were stood standing.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- No plan.- There's no time for that in this game, John.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18We're back on. Two-all, all to play for.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20HONKING SOUND
0:27:20 > 0:27:23In go the Hairys.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Well, it's got messy, but... Rebecca and John broke there!
0:27:26 > 0:27:29They're going for it. Oh, no, they've lost it.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31They've played it out wide.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33And the crowd are angry...
0:27:33 > 0:27:36What I would say is the big fella, there, John,
0:27:36 > 0:27:38is carrying a bit too much weight.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40- He needs to lose some.- Well...
0:27:40 > 0:27:43- He needs to lose it, John!- Oh...
0:27:43 > 0:27:45MUSIC CUTS OUT
0:27:47 > 0:27:49What now?
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Two-all. All to play for.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56In goes the Dom ball, looking particularly Mardi today.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Hoopla!
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Hoopla isn't just about Dick and Dom.
0:28:00 > 0:28:04The surprise star of the series has been ride operator,
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Rodney Fortescue Brown.
0:28:06 > 0:28:11But what hidden depths lurk behind this enigmatic face?
0:28:11 > 0:28:14Rodney, how long have you been with the carnival?
0:28:18 > 0:28:21And do you see yourself progressing far within the organisation?
0:28:24 > 0:28:27Rodney, the question on everyone's lips is,
0:28:27 > 0:28:29have you ever loved and lost?
0:28:35 > 0:28:38- Look, would you like a cup of tea? - Two sugars, please.
0:28:38 > 0:28:39Hoopla!
0:28:39 > 0:28:44# I've lived a life that's full
0:28:45 > 0:28:50# I travelled each and every highway
0:28:52 > 0:28:54# And more
0:28:54 > 0:28:57# Much more than this
0:28:57 > 0:28:59# I did it...
0:28:59 > 0:29:03# My way... #
0:29:03 > 0:29:05Hoopla!
0:29:05 > 0:29:08- DICK WRETCHES - Gypsy Rose, Dick.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11Another of the carnival's colourful characters.
0:29:11 > 0:29:15Born in Cleethorpes in the late 1960s,
0:29:15 > 0:29:17little else is known of her murky past.
0:29:17 > 0:29:22Every week, you make members of the public eat disgusting foodstuffs.
0:29:22 > 0:29:23Why?
0:29:23 > 0:29:27I think that it's my mission in this world to make people sick.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30There's no sweeter sound than the splatter of vomit
0:29:30 > 0:29:31on the bottom of a bucket.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33Would you like to try this, dear?
0:29:33 > 0:29:36- What's in it?- Oh, it's all things lovely, you know, strawberries,
0:29:36 > 0:29:39marshmallows, and a fairy's tears.
0:29:39 > 0:29:41Well, if you're sure.
0:29:41 > 0:29:44SLURPS
0:29:44 > 0:29:46WRETCHES
0:29:46 > 0:29:49VOMITS
0:29:49 > 0:29:50DICK WRETCHES AND VOMITS
0:30:10 > 0:30:13Oh, I forgot to mention the tuna paste,
0:30:13 > 0:30:17the pickled gherkin and the out-of-date custard.
0:30:17 > 0:30:22'We asked some other people what they think of Gypsy Rose.'
0:30:22 > 0:30:23Who?
0:30:23 > 0:30:24Beautiful!
0:30:28 > 0:30:30Get over it, will you!
0:30:30 > 0:30:31Hoopla!
0:30:31 > 0:30:34Hold your pint carefully, will you, please, hold your pint.
0:30:34 > 0:30:39Hold your pint carefully, please! Hold your pint carefully!
0:30:39 > 0:30:42Just put your hand round it!
0:30:42 > 0:30:46Right, we're going to mix them up with my mystic mixers. Here we go.
0:30:51 > 0:30:56AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!
0:30:56 > 0:30:59AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!
0:30:59 > 0:31:01I'm not having the whole thing.
0:31:01 > 0:31:03Oh, are you still talking?
0:31:03 > 0:31:06They look lovely today, don't they? Look at that.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09A lemony-coloured one and an orange one.
0:31:09 > 0:31:14Right, Jimmy, you've got custard, marmalade and apple sauce.
0:31:14 > 0:31:17I'm not going to drink any. I'm just going to go...
0:31:17 > 0:31:18I'm not listening to you.
0:31:18 > 0:31:21Tasha's got mayonnaise,
0:31:21 > 0:31:22spaghetti hoops
0:31:22 > 0:31:24and tomato soup. Lovely!
0:31:24 > 0:31:27It'll be lucky, Tasha. The first person to down it
0:31:27 > 0:31:30and stick the empty pint on top of their head is the winner. Go!
0:31:30 > 0:31:33- I'm not drinking that.- Go!
0:31:33 > 0:31:37CHEERING AND SHOUTING
0:31:37 > 0:31:41She's going to do this. Look, she is beating you.
0:31:41 > 0:31:45She's beating you, Jimmy. She's... I can't believe it.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50She's done it!
0:31:50 > 0:31:55CHEERING
0:32:00 > 0:32:02APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:32:04 > 0:32:08- I don't mind gipping but when I see other people...- That was horrible!
0:32:08 > 0:32:10Will you stop now?!
0:32:10 > 0:32:14We've finished! Get off! Get out of it! Slink yer hook! Go on!
0:32:14 > 0:32:16# Kisses for me
0:32:16 > 0:32:18# Save all your kisses for me
0:32:20 > 0:32:23# So long, honey, so long
0:32:23 > 0:32:24HE BURPS
0:32:25 > 0:32:28# Hang on, baby, hang on
0:32:30 > 0:32:31# Save them for me
0:32:31 > 0:32:36# Even though you're only three... #
0:32:36 > 0:32:39MWAAAAAHHH!
0:32:40 > 0:32:42Cards, cards, bring us luck.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44If you don't, I might chuck!
0:32:44 > 0:32:45Whoah!
0:32:45 > 0:32:48RETCHING AND VOMITING
0:32:48 > 0:32:51LAUGHTER
0:32:53 > 0:32:54Will you clean that up!
0:32:59 > 0:33:01All right. Put your...
0:33:01 > 0:33:04LAUGHTER
0:33:04 > 0:33:07Chair's bust! It put my wig back on!
0:33:08 > 0:33:10Right, take it, then.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14Show 'em at home.
0:33:14 > 0:33:15What you got?
0:33:15 > 0:33:19I can't...! Can you get the ketchup, Jackie?
0:33:19 > 0:33:21I'm stuck.
0:33:21 > 0:33:22Too much bhuna last night.
0:33:22 > 0:33:23Right, here.
0:33:23 > 0:33:25You know what to do.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27Ten seconds. Off you go.
0:33:33 > 0:33:35How many have you had?
0:33:35 > 0:33:37Four?
0:33:37 > 0:33:38'Stop it!'
0:33:38 > 0:33:41Time's up! We'll give you five. Here you are. Give us your pint.
0:33:41 > 0:33:45One, two, three, four, five!
0:33:45 > 0:33:49Right, then - I think that's it.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52It's time to get out.
0:33:52 > 0:33:53Ugh!
0:33:53 > 0:33:57- Look at you, look at you. - Please look.
0:33:57 > 0:33:59Actually, I am stuck!
0:33:59 > 0:34:03LAUGHTER
0:34:03 > 0:34:06- Stop that, will you?- What? - Right.- I'll leave you.
0:34:06 > 0:34:10You two, hold on to them pints, tightly. Hold on to your lush pint.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14I'm going to get out my rapid mystic mixers.
0:34:14 > 0:34:19Seven speeds. I like 'em on full pelt. Here we go!
0:34:19 > 0:34:23We're going to churn them up, then you've got to down them.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25The one that gets below the line is the winner.
0:34:25 > 0:34:29When you've drunk it all, stick it on top of your head. All right?
0:34:29 > 0:34:30Let's mix!
0:34:39 > 0:34:41HHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR!
0:34:41 > 0:34:43HHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR!
0:34:43 > 0:34:45Hoopla!
0:34:45 > 0:34:48Now, critics have called your show crass, immature...
0:34:48 > 0:34:51What have you got to say to those people?
0:34:51 > 0:35:07HE BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:35:07 > 0:35:09HE BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:35:09 > 0:35:10HE BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:35:13 > 0:35:15HE BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:35:15 > 0:35:16Do you think the show is immature?
0:35:16 > 0:35:19SILLY VOICE: Do you think the show is immature?
0:35:19 > 0:35:23- I'm asking you a question. - I'm asking you a question.- Stop it.
0:35:23 > 0:35:24Stop it.
0:35:24 > 0:35:25That's not clever.
0:35:25 > 0:35:27That's not clever.
0:35:27 > 0:35:29My name's Dick and I smell of poo.
0:35:29 > 0:35:32My name's Dick and I smell of poo.
0:35:32 > 0:35:33Hmm.
0:35:35 > 0:35:39HE BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:35:39 > 0:35:43In all seriousness, though, people can say what they like about Hoopla!,
0:35:43 > 0:35:46but I'm telling you, there is nothing silly about it.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49But we've managed to get hold of some footage that's SO silly,
0:35:49 > 0:35:52it didn't even make it to air.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55- HE SIGHS Look, Jeremy... Can I call you Jeremy?- It isn't my name.
0:35:55 > 0:35:59Look, Jeremy, the thing about Hoopla! is we're in it for the art.
0:35:59 > 0:36:04You'll find nothing but highbrow and intellectual humour here.
0:36:04 > 0:36:06PRRRPPPTTT!
0:36:06 > 0:36:10- Did you just let one go? - Yes, Jeremy, I did.
0:36:10 > 0:36:14HE BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:36:14 > 0:36:15Hoopla!
0:36:15 > 0:36:20- We- can- tell- you - a- story- about- anything- at- all.
0:36:20 > 0:36:23- Give- us- a- word. Madam.
0:36:25 > 0:36:29- Jumper.- Jumper.- Good- word.
0:36:29 > 0:36:35- I- once- made- a- jumper- out- of- my- own - hair.
0:36:35 > 0:36:38- LAUGHTER - It- was- hideously- scratchy
0:36:38 > 0:36:42- and- prone- to- smelling,
0:36:42 > 0:36:45- full- of- nits- and
0:36:45 > 0:36:49- itchy- every- day- it
0:36:49 > 0:36:51- got- wet.
0:36:51 > 0:36:55- Why- did- I- make- myself- a
0:36:55 > 0:36:59- hairy- jumper,- you- might- well- ask.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01- Because- I- am
0:37:01 > 0:37:02daft.
0:37:03 > 0:37:08- Every- morning- I- would- put- on - my- jumper,
0:37:08 > 0:37:13- add- trousers- made- from
0:37:13 > 0:37:16- nose- hair,
0:37:16 > 0:37:20- and- walk- down- the- street- while
0:37:20 > 0:37:22- children- pointed.
0:37:24 > 0:37:28- The- moral- of- this- story- is,- fashion
0:37:28 > 0:37:33- changes.- Keep- the- new
0:37:33 > 0:37:35- ideas- coming.
0:37:35 > 0:37:36APPLAUSE
0:37:36 > 0:37:39- Time- to- leave- you- with- a- song.
0:37:39 > 0:37:41- Hit- it.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44MUSIC: "Yes Sir, I Can Boogie" by Baccara
0:37:56 > 0:37:58# Mister
0:37:58 > 0:38:01# Your eyes are full of hesitation
0:38:03 > 0:38:06# It makes me wonder
0:38:06 > 0:38:09# Do you know what you're looking for?
0:38:11 > 0:38:13# Baby
0:38:13 > 0:38:17# He wants to keep his reputation
0:38:18 > 0:38:20# He's a sensation
0:38:21 > 0:38:25# You try him once You'll beg for more
0:38:25 > 0:38:28# Oh! Yes, sir
0:38:28 > 0:38:30# He can boogie
0:38:30 > 0:38:33# But he needs a certain song
0:38:33 > 0:38:36# He can boogie
0:38:36 > 0:38:37# Boogie-woogie
0:38:37 > 0:38:42# All night loooooooong
0:38:42 > 0:38:45# Oh, yes, sir He can boogie
0:38:45 > 0:38:48# If you stay you can't go wrong
0:38:48 > 0:38:50# He can boogie
0:38:50 > 0:38:52# Boogie-woogie
0:38:52 > 0:38:57# All night loooooong! #
0:38:57 > 0:38:59SILENCE
0:38:59 > 0:39:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:39:02 > 0:39:05PIANO MUSIC PLAYS
0:39:05 > 0:39:07SHE SIGHS
0:39:09 > 0:39:14# For once I'd like the spotlight to be on me
0:39:14 > 0:39:16# Just for one night
0:39:16 > 0:39:20# When I wasn't wearing this stupid outfit
0:39:20 > 0:39:23# And the audience loved me
0:39:23 > 0:39:24# And I was a big hit
0:39:24 > 0:39:28# I'd love instead to be the girl on the trapeze
0:39:28 > 0:39:32# Wearing a sparkly leotard and swinging in the breeze
0:39:32 > 0:39:34# The people
0:39:34 > 0:39:37# They would ooh and they'd ahh
0:39:37 > 0:39:41# When they saw my hands let go of the bar
0:39:41 > 0:39:45# Instead they come from near and far
0:39:45 > 0:39:48# To see me ride in this...
0:39:48 > 0:39:51- SHE SIGHS - # Tiny car... #
0:40:02 > 0:40:05I've had enough of this.
0:40:05 > 0:40:06I mean...
0:40:06 > 0:40:10# Hands up who even finds that amusing
0:40:10 > 0:40:14# You see, half of the audience are just sat there snoozing
0:40:14 > 0:40:18# I'd love instead to be the lion, the animal of power
0:40:18 > 0:40:22# Instead of stood here squirting water out of a flower
0:40:22 > 0:40:25# I mean, why do I have to keep doing this, man?
0:40:25 > 0:40:29# This joke is so old it could be my gran... #
0:40:29 > 0:40:30Woo!
0:40:30 > 0:40:34# And when I'm slipping in the water on the floor
0:40:34 > 0:40:38# Are people falling about laughing? Asking me for more?
0:40:38 > 0:40:40# No, they're not You're just staring
0:40:40 > 0:40:42# At a girl who's flailing and wet
0:40:42 > 0:40:46# This clown is someone that they'd rather forget
0:40:46 > 0:40:49AUDIENCE: Awwww!
0:40:49 > 0:40:53# Yeah, well I'm sick of this clowning
0:40:53 > 0:40:57# And I'm bo-ored of this farce
0:40:57 > 0:41:01# Yeah, I want to do something different
0:41:01 > 0:41:03# That will...
0:41:03 > 0:41:05# Make people laugh... #
0:41:05 > 0:41:07OK, I'm going to try this.
0:41:07 > 0:41:11What about if I wore something completely different, not like this?
0:41:11 > 0:41:13OK, OK, right.
0:41:13 > 0:41:17# I could dress like a dinner lady instead
0:41:17 > 0:41:20# And walk around balancing a lasagne on my head... #
0:41:20 > 0:41:22No?
0:41:22 > 0:41:25# And what about my face? Why does it have to look so weird?
0:41:25 > 0:41:29# I reckon it'd be funnier if I just had a beard
0:41:29 > 0:41:31# And a cape, and a monocle
0:41:31 > 0:41:33# And a massive black cat
0:41:33 > 0:41:37# That sat on my head like a big furry hat
0:41:39 > 0:41:42# Oh, yeah, well, I'm sick
0:41:42 > 0:41:48# Of this clowning And I'm bored of this farce... #
0:41:48 > 0:41:49What?
0:41:49 > 0:41:56# I want to do something different that will make people laugh... #
0:41:56 > 0:41:58A FEW CHEERS
0:41:58 > 0:42:01OK, so you're not loving the beard-cat-lasagne combo?
0:42:01 > 0:42:03All right. Let's try something different.
0:42:03 > 0:42:04OK, OK.
0:42:04 > 0:42:08# I'm could do something naughty Mischievous and wrong
0:42:08 > 0:42:12# Something I know would annoy Dick and Dom
0:42:12 > 0:42:16- CHEERING - # Like go up to their dressing room with a box full of flies
0:42:16 > 0:42:20# Knock on the door Throw them in, shout "surprise!"
0:42:21 > 0:42:25# Dick and Dom Dick and Dom would be quite angry
0:42:25 > 0:42:27# But it'd be worth it
0:42:27 > 0:42:28# It would be really funny... #
0:42:28 > 0:42:30What do you reckon? Shall I do it?
0:42:30 > 0:42:32AUDIENCE: Yes!
0:42:32 > 0:42:35# Yeah, I'm sick of this clowning
0:42:35 > 0:42:39# And I'm bo-o-o-o-ored of this farce, yeah-yeah!
0:42:39 > 0:42:45# I want to do something different that will
0:42:45 > 0:42:48# Make people laugh. #
0:42:48 > 0:42:50Back to work.
0:43:00 > 0:43:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:02 > 0:43:04Hoopla!
0:43:04 > 0:43:06We run a very happy ship here.
0:43:06 > 0:43:08If you're having a good time behind the scenes,
0:43:08 > 0:43:10then the public will see that too.
0:43:12 > 0:43:15And ARE you having a good time behind the scenes?
0:43:15 > 0:43:17Oh, yes, yes!
0:43:17 > 0:43:19HE LAUGHS
0:43:21 > 0:43:23A SAD TUNE PLAYS
0:43:23 > 0:43:25HE SOBS
0:43:25 > 0:43:28A good time, yes.
0:43:28 > 0:43:31These moments have been some of the happiest of my life.
0:43:31 > 0:43:33- Really?- Yeah. Really.
0:43:33 > 0:43:37SAD MUSIC GETS LOUDER
0:43:39 > 0:43:42HE SOBS
0:43:42 > 0:43:47HE SOBS MORE LOUDLY
0:43:47 > 0:43:52HE SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY
0:43:59 > 0:44:01- SOBBING:- A good time...
0:44:01 > 0:44:04- SOBBING MORE LOUDLY: - I'm having the best time!
0:44:04 > 0:44:07HE SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY
0:44:07 > 0:44:10I'm having a really good...
0:44:12 > 0:44:17HE SOBS VERY LOUDLY
0:44:23 > 0:44:27HE SOBS HYSTERICALLY
0:44:27 > 0:44:29No, I can't...!
0:44:29 > 0:44:31I'm having a good time.
0:44:31 > 0:44:34I'm having a good time...
0:44:34 > 0:44:35I can't cope with it...
0:44:35 > 0:44:37CONTINUES SOBBING
0:44:44 > 0:44:45I can't!
0:44:45 > 0:44:50HE CONTINUES SOBBING
0:44:59 > 0:45:02At this point, we had to temporarily stop recording,
0:45:02 > 0:45:04but here are some other people
0:45:04 > 0:45:06to take your mind off these harrowing scenes.
0:45:06 > 0:45:07Hoopla!
0:45:07 > 0:45:10# Jump up and down And move it all around
0:45:10 > 0:45:13# Shake your head to the sound Put your hands on the ground
0:45:13 > 0:45:16# Take one step left and one step right
0:45:16 > 0:45:18# One to the front and one to the side
0:45:18 > 0:45:21# Clap your hands once and clap your hands twice
0:45:21 > 0:45:24# And if it looks like this then you're doing it right
0:45:24 > 0:45:27# A little bit of Monica in my life
0:45:27 > 0:45:29# A little bit of Eric by my side
0:45:29 > 0:45:31# A little bit of Rita's all I need
0:45:31 > 0:45:34# A little bit of Tina's what I see
0:45:34 > 0:45:37# A little bit of Sandra in the sun
0:45:37 > 0:45:40# A little bit of Mary all night long
0:45:40 > 0:45:43# A little bit of Jessica, here I am
0:45:43 > 0:45:45# A little bit of you makes me your man
0:45:45 > 0:45:46# Oh!
0:45:48 > 0:45:52CHEERING
0:46:02 > 0:46:03# Oh!
0:46:07 > 0:46:08The trumpet!
0:46:10 > 0:46:12# Mambo No. 5! #
0:46:14 > 0:46:15Ha-ha-ha.
0:46:15 > 0:46:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:46:18 > 0:46:23JAZZ PLAYS, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:47:03 > 0:47:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:47:07 > 0:47:09UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS
0:47:09 > 0:47:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:47:52 > 0:47:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:47:55 > 0:47:59SLOWER DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:48:24 > 0:48:26MUSIC STOPS
0:48:26 > 0:48:27# Stop! Hammer time!
0:48:27 > 0:48:30# Go with the flow in a spin if you can't move to this
0:48:30 > 0:48:31# Then you probably are dead
0:48:31 > 0:48:33# So wave your hands in the air Bust through the moves
0:48:33 > 0:48:36# Run your fingers through your hair This is it for a winner
0:48:36 > 0:48:38# Dance to this and you're gonna get thinner... #
0:48:38 > 0:48:39NEEDLE SCRATCHING ON RECORD
0:48:39 > 0:48:43MUSIC: "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
0:48:45 > 0:48:48# You're here
0:48:48 > 0:48:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:48:49 > 0:48:52# There's nothing I fear... #
0:48:52 > 0:48:54NEEDLE SCRATCHING ON RECORD
0:48:54 > 0:48:57HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS
0:49:16 > 0:49:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:49:22 > 0:49:26A JOLLY TUNE PLAYS
0:49:27 > 0:49:31# Oh, we sailed out from Alaska on our way to Puget Sound
0:49:31 > 0:49:35# The skipper went aloft and said he'd take a look around
0:49:35 > 0:49:38# When he came down his face looked like he'd smelled an awful smell
0:49:38 > 0:49:42# And then he called all hands on deck and we all heard him yell
0:49:42 > 0:49:46# Who hid the halibut on the poop deck?
0:49:46 > 0:49:49# Who hid the halibut on the poop deck?
0:49:49 > 0:49:53# I'll knock him for a loop That silly nincompoop
0:49:53 > 0:49:56# Who hid the halibut on the poop deck?
0:50:00 > 0:50:04# Then old second mate Kit Hornson said, what is this scuttlebutt?
0:50:04 > 0:50:07# No, I think I'll go and look just for the halibut
0:50:07 > 0:50:11# When he came down he said Boys, this will be a smelly trip
0:50:11 > 0:50:15# If we don't find that halibut we'd better burn the ship
0:50:15 > 0:50:18# Who hid the halibut on the poop deck?
0:50:18 > 0:50:22# Who hid the halibut on the poop deck?
0:50:22 > 0:50:26# My nose tells me it's there but I've looked everywhere
0:50:26 > 0:50:29# Who hid the halibut on the poop deck?
0:50:34 > 0:50:38# Then up stepped Knut Knutson He is tougher than a boot
0:50:38 > 0:50:42# He said, I'll find that halibut or my name ain't Knut
0:50:42 > 0:50:45# And 15 minutes later he had found where it was stored
0:50:45 > 0:50:49# And 20 seagulls fainted when we threw it overboard
0:50:49 > 0:50:50Everybody!
0:50:50 > 0:50:53# Who hid the halibut on the poop deck?
0:50:53 > 0:50:57# Who hid the halibut on the poop deck?
0:50:57 > 0:51:02# We never, never knew What screwball in the crew
0:51:03 > 0:51:08# Who had hid the halibut on the poop deck. #
0:51:08 > 0:51:10Ta. Ta.
0:51:10 > 0:51:12Don't forget to visit the gift shop.
0:51:12 > 0:51:15Hoopla!
0:51:15 > 0:51:17Heh. Hah. This is where it all happens.
0:51:17 > 0:51:20The big culmination of the show. The Finaleval.
0:51:20 > 0:51:22Yes, the Finaleval has everything -
0:51:22 > 0:51:26tooth-brushing, people doing silly actions, the Lion With No Pride...
0:51:31 > 0:51:33Anyway, I'm really proud of the Finaleval
0:51:33 > 0:51:36because when I came up with the idea for it...
0:51:36 > 0:51:39- Hang on a minute!- I- came up with the idea.- No, you did not. I did.
0:51:39 > 0:51:43- I'm the one that brushes my teeth. - Liar. Take that back. It was me.
0:51:43 > 0:51:46- It was me.- It was me. - Me.- Me.- Me.- Me.- Ah!
0:51:46 > 0:51:48FIGHTING SOUND EFFECTS
0:51:48 > 0:51:55Naughty, bad, naughty, bad, weird, naughty, bad...
0:51:55 > 0:51:56Help.
0:51:57 > 0:51:59Hoopla!
0:51:59 > 0:52:01# I am the best in the world
0:52:01 > 0:52:02# The best in the world
0:52:02 > 0:52:05# The very best at...
0:52:05 > 0:52:09- Like you're being attacked by a swarm of wasps.- Go.
0:52:09 > 0:52:10BBBBZZZZZZZZ!
0:52:10 > 0:52:12HE WHIMPERS
0:52:16 > 0:52:20The more you put into it, the more points you'll get. Oh!
0:52:22 > 0:52:25What are you doing, man?
0:52:25 > 0:52:28- Quick, next.- Amy, go.- Forget your mates are watching. Go for it.
0:52:28 > 0:52:31- SHE SCREAMS - That is it. That is it.
0:52:31 > 0:52:33SHE SCREAMS
0:52:36 > 0:52:38Are you not scared of wasps, Amy?
0:52:38 > 0:52:42Listen, if I was being chased by wasps, I wouldn't be doing this.
0:52:43 > 0:52:46Phoebe, it's your turn, go! Next!
0:52:46 > 0:52:48Ooh, ow, ow, ooh, ow - that's it.
0:52:48 > 0:52:51- SHE SQUEALS - Ooh, ow, the waspies.
0:52:54 > 0:52:57DICK AND DOM: Brilliant!
0:52:57 > 0:52:59Being extremely scary.
0:53:02 > 0:53:05He's poking his own eyes out. What?
0:53:05 > 0:53:08Hang on a minute. Wait. Stop.
0:53:08 > 0:53:11I think he still feels a little bit silly.
0:53:11 > 0:53:12Yes.
0:53:12 > 0:53:14- Carry on.- Next!
0:53:14 > 0:53:18- Ooh. Glasses are off. - Good lad.- There.- Here he goes.
0:53:18 > 0:53:20- Ah!- Look at that.
0:53:20 > 0:53:25He belongs with Roger Malcolm, to be totally honest. Next.
0:53:25 > 0:53:27VACUUM NOISE
0:53:27 > 0:53:30Oh, she's doing it again! Your head's going to blow off, stop!
0:53:30 > 0:53:33This time it is gargling, so, Claire, take a swig of this,
0:53:33 > 0:53:37and do the best tune you can with water in your mouth.
0:53:37 > 0:53:39Head back.
0:53:39 > 0:53:40Go!
0:53:40 > 0:53:42SILENCE
0:53:42 > 0:53:43LAUGHTER
0:53:43 > 0:53:48- You're not supposed to spit it out, woman!- Claire, you mucky old pig!
0:53:48 > 0:53:53Here you go, my love. I'll give it a wipe. Take some water.
0:53:53 > 0:53:57- Health and safety...- Is that all you want? Get a mouthful, lad!
0:53:57 > 0:53:58Gargle.
0:53:58 > 0:54:01HE GARGLES
0:54:05 > 0:54:08Whay! APPLAUSE
0:54:08 > 0:54:11There you are. Give it a wipe.
0:54:11 > 0:54:13A nice wipe on your sweaty jacket.
0:54:13 > 0:54:15SHE GARGLES
0:54:16 > 0:54:18She's swallowed it.
0:54:18 > 0:54:22You've got to speak in your own made-up language. Go.
0:54:22 > 0:54:27Hwah thwah paz por da pla thaw plah.
0:54:27 > 0:54:30- What language is it?- Sophie.
0:54:30 > 0:54:33- Sophie language, very good.- Next!
0:54:33 > 0:54:37Ba deer door di da dun din von see for toopa toodee...
0:54:37 > 0:54:38Hang on a minute.
0:54:38 > 0:54:41I think that does actually exist as a language, you know.
0:54:41 > 0:54:42Ask a question.
0:54:42 > 0:54:45Der door ben battaya a lulu palala lalalala?
0:54:45 > 0:54:47SHE GIGGLES
0:54:47 > 0:54:50- What? Come on - this is your... - Fa de door beh say shoor.
0:54:50 > 0:54:54- Not in front of the nice boys and girls, OK?- So next! Ruben.
0:54:54 > 0:54:57Theh theh theh theh theh theh...
0:54:57 > 0:55:01- Rubbish.- Shall we make him do it for another five minutes?- Yeah!
0:55:01 > 0:55:04Theh theh theh theh theh theh...
0:55:04 > 0:55:06At the end of each Finaleval,
0:55:06 > 0:55:10the players are attacked by a very wrong clown, called Cyril.
0:55:10 > 0:55:13How on earth can you justify this, week after week?
0:55:13 > 0:55:16Look, Jeremy, we can't tell Cyril what to do.
0:55:16 > 0:55:20No, Jeremy, we can't stop him.
0:55:20 > 0:55:23Don't you think you have a moral responsibility?
0:55:23 > 0:55:26Well, if I knew what that meant I would answer that question,
0:55:26 > 0:55:29but I don't, so I'll just say blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.
0:55:29 > 0:55:34Look, Jeremy, the thing about Cyril is he's just very misunderstood.
0:55:34 > 0:55:35Hoopla!
0:55:38 > 0:55:44MUSIC: "Adagio for Strings" by Samuel Barber
0:56:37 > 0:56:40So there you are, everything you needed to know about Hoopla! -
0:56:40 > 0:56:43- the happiest show in the world. - It's bright.- Bright.
0:56:43 > 0:56:46- It's cheery.- Cheery. - And most of all, nobody got hurt.
0:56:46 > 0:56:48See you all soon. Ta-ta.
0:56:48 > 0:56:53SCREAMING
0:56:53 > 0:56:57Hang on, I don't understand - those contestants who don't win,
0:56:57 > 0:57:00the ones just lying on the stage at the end of the show,
0:57:00 > 0:57:03- what happens to them?- Ah!
0:57:05 > 0:57:09Would you care for some meaty stew, Jeremy? It's very fresh.
0:57:09 > 0:57:13DOM LAUGHS EVILLY
0:57:39 > 0:57:40Hoopla!
0:57:40 > 0:57:44Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd