0:00:02 > 0:00:04Lights, camera, action!
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# We're Diddy Dick and Dom And we're so excited
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# Our showbiz careers have been reignited
0:00:11 > 0:00:13# We've made it on to the silver screen
0:00:13 > 0:00:17# With our Diddy Movies (You're living the dream!)
0:00:17 > 0:00:18# We were down on our luck
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# We were burnt-out stars
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# Flipping burgers and washing cars
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# But we waved goodbye to all our cares
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# Hello to Hollywood premieres
0:00:30 > 0:00:33# This time next year you'll be millionaires
0:00:33 > 0:00:35# Go Diddy Movies
0:00:35 > 0:00:37# Yeah! #
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Lights! Camera! Crackers! Baubles!
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Crackers! Nuts! Crackers! Satsumas!
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Crack... KER-THWACK!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Thank you, mother.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53Next up, it's the jingle-belting, A Christmas Christmas Movie!
0:00:56 > 0:01:01Hey, will you cut that out! I hate Christmas.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03So, guys, what's your latest movie all about?
0:01:03 > 0:01:06BOTH: Christmas!
0:01:06 > 0:01:09I love it! Yeah!
0:01:09 > 0:01:11And because it's Christmas, luvvie,
0:01:11 > 0:01:14- we thought we'd treat you to a premium, premier seat!- Wowsers!
0:01:14 > 0:01:18And it's got a built in cup-holder,
0:01:18 > 0:01:20a massager...press that button.
0:01:20 > 0:01:25It's also got GPS, it's got a hairdryer,
0:01:25 > 0:01:32a full set of encyclopaedias, and best of all, a TV!
0:01:32 > 0:01:34But, guys!
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Now I can't even see the cinema screen!
0:01:37 > 0:01:39I really love it!
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Hmmm, a sausage.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46It's starting, it's starting!
0:01:46 > 0:01:50This movie had better be Christmassy, or else!
0:01:50 > 0:01:54Diddy Movies presents, A Christmas Christmas Movie.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58In a secret corner of the North Pole lived two little elves.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00CLOCK: WAKE UP!
0:02:04 > 0:02:08- Morning, Merry elf! - Morning, Johnny elf!
0:02:08 > 0:02:12And they both loved one thing more than anything else in the world.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Look, Merry!
0:02:14 > 0:02:18Yes, it's the 24th...
0:02:18 > 0:02:20of June!
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Which means?
0:02:23 > 0:02:24It's nearly...
0:02:24 > 0:02:25BOTH: Christmas!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Christmas!
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Christmas, Christmas, Christmas!
0:02:30 > 0:02:31Christmas, Christmas, Christmas!
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Heh-heh-heh! Christmas!
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Christmas!
0:02:35 > 0:02:38BOTH: We love Christmas!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40SANTA TOY: Ho, ho, ho!
0:02:40 > 0:02:42# Stick a holly on your stocking
0:02:42 > 0:02:45# Decorate the tree with 20 mince pies
0:02:45 > 0:02:47# Put a fairy on your Yule log
0:02:47 > 0:02:49# Give the carol singer a big surprise
0:02:52 > 0:02:53# Pull a cracker, pull a cracker
0:02:53 > 0:02:57# Pull a big cracker and blow it up
0:02:57 > 0:02:59# Fill the sleigh with piles of boiled sprouts... #
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- No!- Not sprouts!
0:03:01 > 0:03:05Never sprouts! We hate sprouts!
0:03:05 > 0:03:08# Sing a carol up the chimney
0:03:08 > 0:03:10# Honey roasted nuts
0:03:10 > 0:03:17# In a TV guide! #
0:03:18 > 0:03:22Merry! There's only 182 days until Christmas!
0:03:22 > 0:03:23- We'd better get to work!- Agh!
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Paper, sticky tape... Ooh!
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Funny little bow thing.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Right, that's one done. Only seven billion more to go.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40SIREN SOUNDS
0:03:42 > 0:03:45It's him! He wants us!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Ah! Hello there, my little helpers!
0:03:50 > 0:03:51BOTH: Hi, Santa!
0:03:51 > 0:03:54How good of you to "pop" in!
0:03:54 > 0:03:58- Ooh, pop! - BOTH: Ha, ha, ha!
0:04:00 > 0:04:04I've just been practising my new Father Christmas laugh!
0:04:04 > 0:04:05What do you think?
0:04:05 > 0:04:13TERRIFYING MANIACAL LAUGHTER
0:04:19 > 0:04:21No?
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Ah, Mother Christmas!
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Here you go-ho-ho, dear! Your mid-morning mince pie.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Oh, wonderful, dear! Ho, ho!
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Only 182 days to go, eh, boys?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Now, then, I expect you're wondering why
0:04:39 > 0:04:41I've called you here so urgently?
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Well, I'm, um,
0:04:43 > 0:04:45I'm cancelling Christmas.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- Yeah, OK. - Probably for the best.
0:04:48 > 0:04:49BOTH: What?!
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Well, I'm busy that day.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55You can't cancel Christmas! It's all we have!
0:04:59 > 0:05:02FIZZ-BANG-HISS
0:05:02 > 0:05:03Ho-ho-ho...
0:05:03 > 0:05:06SHORT-CIRCUITING SOUND
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Ho-ho-ho-ho...
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Santa isn't Santa!
0:05:12 > 0:05:13He's a robot!
0:05:13 > 0:05:18- EVIL ROBOTIC VOICE:- All of Christmas shall be destroyed for ever!
0:05:18 > 0:05:20But remember to be good!
0:05:21 > 0:05:26Oh, ho, ho, ho! Eh-ho-her-ho-her...
0:05:26 > 0:05:28BREAKS DOWN
0:05:28 > 0:05:33BOTH: Aaah!
0:05:33 > 0:05:35What are we going to do?
0:05:35 > 0:05:38How are we going to find the real Santa?
0:05:39 > 0:05:42BOTH: Rudolf!
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Good morning, elves!
0:05:44 > 0:05:46And what a foot-tapping, nose-warming,
0:05:46 > 0:05:49- tiddly-di-di-morning it is, too. - Ahhh!
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Aw, you're my bestest friends in the whole wide world!
0:05:52 > 0:05:54BOTH: Awww!
0:05:54 > 0:05:58- That means I'll always be there for you, come rain or shine.- Awww!
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Yep, you can always rely on good old Rudolf to spread some sunshine.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05Put on a smiley face, accentuate the amazingness,
0:06:05 > 0:06:07big up the brilliance, heighten the...
0:06:07 > 0:06:09BLOMP!
0:06:12 > 0:06:14I always said vegetables were bad for you.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18No, luvvie - he's a robot, too.
0:06:18 > 0:06:19Oh, well.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Vegetables are very important for a healthy and balanced diet!
0:06:22 > 0:06:24BURPS
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Made in the Kingdom of Grump?
0:06:28 > 0:06:32Well, if we have to save Christmas and find Santa,
0:06:32 > 0:06:35then we must go there! We have to get to the bottom of this!
0:06:35 > 0:06:37I've got to the bottom of this!
0:06:37 > 0:06:39And that's where the USB port is.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Wooo-ha, ha, ha!
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Wah-ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
0:06:44 > 0:06:46BOTH LAUGH
0:06:51 > 0:06:53The Kingdom of Grump is miles away!
0:06:53 > 0:06:57I know, let's build the best snowman ever, to take us there!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59We can SO do that!
0:06:59 > 0:07:00Yeah, I know, right?
0:07:00 > 0:07:03MUSIC: Deck the Halls
0:07:23 > 0:07:27Hey! All right, lads! Where was it? Kingdom of Grump?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29All right, let's get on with it, we can't stop here,
0:07:29 > 0:07:31not before 6:30, anyway.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33HE SNEEZES
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Er, nah, you're all right! We'll catch the bus, instead.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Yeah, it wasn't that important, anyway.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Oh, it's all right! Don't worry,
0:07:41 > 0:07:44I've only crashed twice...today! Heh, heh! Here we go!
0:07:48 > 0:07:51So, are we nearly there yet, Mr Snowman?
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Well, I got to be honest with you, lads, I've got no idea.
0:07:54 > 0:07:55I mean, that's the trouble with snow,
0:07:55 > 0:07:57You see, it all looks the same.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Do you think I should have turned left at Siberia?
0:07:59 > 0:08:02WHOOSH!
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Oh, Blimey! Watch where you're flying, mate!
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Budget airlines.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11# Frosty the snowman, had a splendid la-de-dah... #
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Oh, I never remember the words to this.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16I tell you what, I'll do a bit of Coldplay. Ho, ho! Coldplay, get it?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19# Look at that snow, and it was all yellow! #
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Yeah, sorry about the slight diversion, lads,
0:08:23 > 0:08:26but if somebody had given me proper eyes in the first place!
0:08:26 > 0:08:31Snowman, what IS the Kingdom of Grump?
0:08:31 > 0:08:35It's a land where Christmas never comes.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36BURPS
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Well, be lucky! Ta-ta.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Merry! This place is awful.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47This is the...future!
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Unless we save Christmas by tonight!
0:08:56 > 0:08:58BOTH: Santa!
0:08:59 > 0:09:01DOLL SQUEAKS
0:09:03 > 0:09:04Santa!
0:09:04 > 0:09:08It's us! We've come to save you - and Christmas!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11What is this "Christmas"?
0:09:12 > 0:09:18BOTH: No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o...
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Took us ages to write this bit.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22The 'O' key was jammed on my laptop.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28..o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o...
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Hello, boys!
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Mother Christmas! And...
0:09:33 > 0:09:35BLUBBER-BLUBBER!
0:09:35 > 0:09:38BOTH: Ew. N-o-o-o-o-o...
0:09:38 > 0:09:40- Oh, shut UP!- Er, yes.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44So, you've found where I've hidden the REAL Santa?
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Well, you're too late.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48He's not interested in delivering presents anymore!
0:09:48 > 0:09:51He only wants to DESTROY THEM!
0:09:53 > 0:09:57For years, I've been forced to listen to you lot go on about Christmas
0:09:57 > 0:09:59all the time!
0:09:59 > 0:10:03The marzipan, the trimmings, the nuts!
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Well, I'm sick of it!
0:10:05 > 0:10:07BLUBBER-BLUBBER!
0:10:07 > 0:10:09I wanted to be a ballet dancer.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14Really?
0:10:14 > 0:10:18NO! But I'm going to make sure Christmas NEVER happens again!
0:10:18 > 0:10:21And you won't stop me!
0:10:21 > 0:10:23You boys just...relax.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Veg out.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30SHE CACKLES Henchturkey - release the sprouts!
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Whoa!
0:10:37 > 0:10:39BOTH: Sprouts! Blah!
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Santa, help us!
0:10:42 > 0:10:44What is Santa?
0:10:44 > 0:10:48Argh! We're finished!
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Right, you hairy chimney kisser! I've had enough!
0:10:51 > 0:10:55There are kids all over the world waiting for their presents,
0:10:55 > 0:10:58so snap out of it, fluffy cuffs!
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Do that again!
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Feed me shed loads of sprouts!
0:11:18 > 0:11:19HE GULPS
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Wait a minute, yes, I remember!
0:11:22 > 0:11:24I'm Santa!
0:11:24 > 0:11:26BOTH: Yeah!
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Shuffle back, boys, shuffle back.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32I'm going to blow this place.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34- Ho... - PFT
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- ho... - PFT
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- ..H-O-O-O-O! - ENORMOUS FART
0:11:39 > 0:11:42BOOM!
0:11:45 > 0:11:46Euch!
0:11:46 > 0:11:50What? Henchturkey - attack!
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Whoa-whoa-whoo...
0:11:53 > 0:11:56You're stuck now, MC!
0:11:56 > 0:11:57Time to wrap this up!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Whooooh...
0:12:08 > 0:12:14I guess you could call her a clear and PRESENT danger! Ha, ha, ha!
0:12:14 > 0:12:17BOOM!
0:12:17 > 0:12:20And, so, with naughty Mother Christmas trussed up like a turkey
0:12:20 > 0:12:24and the presents carefully wrapped, the great Christmas delivery began.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28ALL: Whoa!
0:12:34 > 0:12:38Ha, ha, ha! Everything worked out all Christmassy and lovely.
0:12:38 > 0:12:45Yes, isn't it all festive and Christmassy and simply perfect!
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Everything couldn't be more swell.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52All warm and cosy and very Christmassy.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57ALL: Merry Christmas one and all!
0:13:05 > 0:13:09So, Barry, what do you think?
0:13:11 > 0:13:14What about you lot? What did you think?
0:13:19 > 0:13:27PANICKED SHOUTING
0:13:29 > 0:13:37SHOUTING AND SCREAMING CONTINUES
0:13:39 > 0:13:42I'm ruined. I'm ruined, I tell yous!
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Don't worry, Mr Weinsteinburger!
0:13:44 > 0:13:46We've got a new idea for a movie.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Yes, this one's got...
0:13:49 > 0:13:51evil Wi-Fi.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56- THINKING:- 'Dumb, stupid...
0:13:56 > 0:13:57'ignorant...'
0:13:57 > 0:13:59'ignoramuses!'
0:13:59 > 0:14:00- I love it! - KER-CHING!
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Here's the money!
0:14:01 > 0:14:04# Go Diddy Movies, yeah! #