Fight and Murder on the Norwich Express

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0:00:02 > 0:00:04Lights, camera, action!

0:00:04 > 0:00:07# We're Diddy Dick and Dom And we're so excited

0:00:07 > 0:00:11# Our showbiz careers have been reignited

0:00:11 > 0:00:13# We've made it onto the silver screen

0:00:13 > 0:00:17- # With our Diddy Movies - # You're living the dream!

0:00:17 > 0:00:20# We were down on our luck We were burnt-out stars

0:00:20 > 0:00:21# Flipping burgers

0:00:21 > 0:00:23# And washing cars!

0:00:23 > 0:00:26# We waved goodbye to all our cares

0:00:26 > 0:00:30# Hello to Hollywood premieres

0:00:30 > 0:00:33# This time next year, you'll be millionaires!

0:00:33 > 0:00:36# Go Diddy Movies

0:00:36 > 0:00:38# Yeah! #

0:00:39 > 0:00:41Ladies! Gentlemen!

0:00:41 > 0:00:44And my psychotherapist Sally!

0:00:44 > 0:00:48Welcome to another Diddy Movie premiere!

0:00:48 > 0:00:52Tonight, it's the martial arts mega-piece

0:00:52 > 0:00:57Fight! The Way of the Wedgie. Hi-ya!

0:00:57 > 0:00:59- Mr Weinsteinberger.- That's me.

0:00:59 > 0:01:01- Mr Weinsteinberger!- I said that's me!

0:01:01 > 0:01:04Me and Diddy Dick have brought you a present.

0:01:04 > 0:01:06It is a souvenir from the set.

0:01:06 > 0:01:09- Aw, really?- It's the director.

0:01:09 > 0:01:10Dark!

0:01:10 > 0:01:13Dark! Dark! Dark!

0:01:13 > 0:01:16- Dark!- Listen, this movie cost me a fortune.

0:01:16 > 0:01:20If it flops, I'll see to it you never work in this town again.

0:01:20 > 0:01:24- What about the next town?- No. - What about the next, next town?- No!

0:01:24 > 0:01:27What about the next, next, next, next, next...

0:01:27 > 0:01:28Can it!

0:01:32 > 0:01:36Your doll may look like a real baby

0:01:36 > 0:01:38and feel like a real baby

0:01:38 > 0:01:43but does it smell like a real baby?

0:01:43 > 0:01:45Looks like you need...

0:01:45 > 0:01:46Baby Let-One-Off!

0:01:46 > 0:01:49She laughs! She cries!

0:01:49 > 0:01:51DOLL FARTS

0:01:51 > 0:01:53She farts like a foghorn.

0:01:53 > 0:01:56Pump her arm and she'll compose a tune.

0:01:56 > 0:01:59DOLL FARTS "LAND OF HOPE AND GLORY"

0:01:59 > 0:02:02But whatever you do, don't pull her finger!

0:02:02 > 0:02:06Baby Let-One-Off is not liable for damage, injuries or egginess.

0:02:06 > 0:02:09Not recommended for children, adults, Scots or fish fingers.

0:02:09 > 0:02:11Keep away from flames.

0:02:11 > 0:02:12This is it!

0:02:12 > 0:02:14Diddy Dick,

0:02:14 > 0:02:16I'm so excited, I could...

0:02:16 > 0:02:18I could...

0:02:18 > 0:02:20DOM SCREAMS

0:02:20 > 0:02:21DICK SCREAMS

0:02:21 > 0:02:23AUDIENCE SCREAMS

0:02:23 > 0:02:25Cut that out!

0:02:26 > 0:02:28You're scaring me.

0:02:28 > 0:02:31AUDIENCE CLAPS

0:02:32 > 0:02:34I am Minky the Monkey.

0:02:34 > 0:02:38In mountains of China, ancient wisdom dictate

0:02:38 > 0:02:42that true warrior can only be born under starless sky.

0:02:42 > 0:02:45He must go on long journey,

0:02:45 > 0:02:47learn many great things -

0:02:47 > 0:02:51courage of a thousand tigers.

0:02:51 > 0:02:53Strength of a thousand ox.

0:02:53 > 0:02:56Humility of a thous...

0:02:56 > 0:02:58Diddy Movies present...

0:03:04 > 0:03:05In 3D!

0:03:05 > 0:03:07Oh! 3D!

0:03:10 > 0:03:13CROWD CHEERS

0:03:13 > 0:03:17Who dares to take on The Viper?

0:03:17 > 0:03:22Nobody has ever defeated me!

0:03:22 > 0:03:23Wah!

0:03:23 > 0:03:25Wah!

0:03:25 > 0:03:28CROWD CHEERS

0:03:28 > 0:03:30You are all weak!

0:03:30 > 0:03:32Nobody dares to take on the Viper!

0:03:32 > 0:03:34Nobody!

0:03:35 > 0:03:37I'll take on the Viper.

0:03:37 > 0:03:39Flippin' idiot.

0:03:39 > 0:03:43And who are you, weedy warrior?

0:03:43 > 0:03:46HE HAWKS, SPITS

0:03:46 > 0:03:48BELL RINGS

0:03:48 > 0:03:51I am Jimmy Ginger.

0:03:51 > 0:03:52TOY SHATTERS

0:03:52 > 0:03:55I was born in the mountains of Li Ning.

0:03:55 > 0:03:59My parents were abducted by aliens!

0:03:59 > 0:04:01I was raised by ants in the forest.

0:04:01 > 0:04:05And now, I have come here to fulfil my destiny

0:04:05 > 0:04:09and become a master of Kunnng...Fu!

0:04:09 > 0:04:12Kung Fu? Flippin' idiot.

0:04:12 > 0:04:15You think this is Kung Fu?

0:04:15 > 0:04:16This isn't Kung Fu!

0:04:16 > 0:04:18Isn't it?

0:04:18 > 0:04:21No! This is Kung Boo!

0:04:21 > 0:04:24Allow me to demonstrate.

0:04:28 > 0:04:31You see, Jimmy, Kung Boo is like Kung Fu

0:04:31 > 0:04:34but with one difference -

0:04:34 > 0:04:39to win at Kung Boo, you must master art of surprise. See?

0:04:42 > 0:04:43Whoargh!

0:04:43 > 0:04:45Very good Kung Boo!

0:04:45 > 0:04:48Cheesy foot in face. Very surprising!

0:04:48 > 0:04:50Ha!

0:04:52 > 0:04:53Urrrgh!

0:04:53 > 0:04:56Oh! Double surprise!

0:04:56 > 0:04:59Licky tongue on cheesy foot in face!

0:04:59 > 0:05:01One-all!

0:05:13 > 0:05:15WHISTLING SOUND

0:05:15 > 0:05:17Aaagh!

0:05:19 > 0:05:22# Consider yourself at home!

0:05:22 > 0:05:28# Consider yourself one of the family! #

0:05:28 > 0:05:32Ultimate surprise! Singing sausage of death!

0:05:32 > 0:05:36Winner is...The Viper!

0:05:36 > 0:05:41And that is why, Mr Ginger, you will never beat me!

0:05:41 > 0:05:44Because I am the top dog.

0:05:44 > 0:05:46And you are the puny poodle!

0:05:48 > 0:05:51CROWD LAUGHS

0:05:51 > 0:05:52Ha-ha-ha!

0:05:52 > 0:05:55Ha...ha...ha...

0:05:55 > 0:05:58You may laugh, but I'll be back

0:05:58 > 0:06:01and one day, I'll beat you!

0:06:01 > 0:06:03OK...

0:06:03 > 0:06:04How about...

0:06:04 > 0:06:07this Saturday? Yes!

0:06:07 > 0:06:09Winner gets 10 million yen.

0:06:09 > 0:06:13Be there, puny poodle!

0:06:15 > 0:06:17I'm not scared of you!

0:06:17 > 0:06:19PARP

0:06:19 > 0:06:22PAAAAAARP

0:06:24 > 0:06:26PARP

0:06:26 > 0:06:29PAAARP

0:06:29 > 0:06:32And so, the young novice had agreed to fight

0:06:32 > 0:06:37the most fearsome Kung Boo warrior in the whole of China

0:06:37 > 0:06:40in just three days' time.

0:06:40 > 0:06:42What a total beansprout!

0:06:44 > 0:06:48Ah-ha-ha-ha!

0:06:54 > 0:06:55Ha-ha!

0:07:03 > 0:07:06This boy going to need some help!

0:07:13 > 0:07:15KITTEN PURRS

0:07:19 > 0:07:23I'm looking for a trainer, called Segal.

0:07:23 > 0:07:26- My name is ...- I know who you are.

0:07:26 > 0:07:29- I'm...- I know what you want.

0:07:31 > 0:07:34I know. Actually, I don't know. But it doesn't matter.

0:07:34 > 0:07:38- I'm not going to train you. - But Kung Boo is my destiny!

0:07:38 > 0:07:42You?! You have a body like a rubber band.

0:07:42 > 0:07:45You have muscles like a jellyfish!

0:07:45 > 0:07:49You have amazing eyes, and I love what you've done with your hair.

0:07:49 > 0:07:52Aw, thank you very much.

0:07:52 > 0:07:53No problem.

0:07:53 > 0:07:57Now go! You're a flim-flam loser who wants his mummy!

0:07:57 > 0:08:00- You wouldn't even stand a fight against a kitten!- I would!

0:08:00 > 0:08:02Yaagh!

0:08:02 > 0:08:05LAUGHTER

0:08:06 > 0:08:09Give me five. Yeah.

0:08:09 > 0:08:11And now, we train.

0:08:11 > 0:08:14To learn Kung Boo, you must master the art of...

0:08:14 > 0:08:16surprise!

0:08:16 > 0:08:20GALLOPING HOOVES

0:08:20 > 0:08:23Aw!

0:08:23 > 0:08:24CRUNCH

0:08:24 > 0:08:27Ow! What was that for?

0:08:27 > 0:08:28You must master...

0:08:28 > 0:08:30the unpredictable!

0:08:30 > 0:08:33CROSSING SIGNAL

0:08:36 > 0:08:38Please! Can we just...

0:08:38 > 0:08:40You must catch your opponent...

0:08:40 > 0:08:42unawares.

0:08:42 > 0:08:45BELLYDANCING MUSIC

0:08:46 > 0:08:47Owwww!

0:08:47 > 0:08:49Ooh!

0:08:49 > 0:08:51So, over many long days,

0:08:51 > 0:08:55Jimmy Ginger worked tirelessly to master the art of Kung Boo.

0:08:55 > 0:08:57Ah! Ah! Lumme!

0:08:58 > 0:09:00And was rubbish.

0:09:00 > 0:09:03HE PANTS AND GROANS

0:09:04 > 0:09:09Now you are ready for your final lesson.

0:09:09 > 0:09:12The Way...of...the Wedgie.

0:09:12 > 0:09:15- The Way of the Wedgie?- No!

0:09:15 > 0:09:20The Way...of...the Wedgie...

0:09:20 > 0:09:24What I am about to tell you cannot be revealed to anyone.

0:09:24 > 0:09:25Except your mum.

0:09:27 > 0:09:30HE WHISPERS

0:09:31 > 0:09:34CROWD CLAPS AND CHEERS

0:09:34 > 0:09:37And now, the prize fight!

0:09:37 > 0:09:40The champion, Viper!

0:09:40 > 0:09:42CHEERING

0:09:42 > 0:09:45The challenger, Jimmy Ginger!

0:09:45 > 0:09:47CRICKETS CHIRP

0:09:49 > 0:09:52When you first came to me, I didn't want to train you.

0:09:52 > 0:09:55And now, I wish I hadn't.

0:09:55 > 0:09:58But it's too late, so good luck.

0:09:58 > 0:10:01GONG CLASHES

0:10:01 > 0:10:04Go on! Nut him!

0:10:04 > 0:10:06Aaaarrrrgh!

0:10:09 > 0:10:11Ah!

0:10:15 > 0:10:17Heh-heh-heh.

0:10:21 > 0:10:25Ah, big boulder nipple yanky surprise! One-nil.

0:10:25 > 0:10:28Yeee-ah!

0:10:36 > 0:10:41Ah, doppelganger bursting balloon face surprise! Two-nil!

0:10:46 > 0:10:50Hi... Yes, I need them right away. Thank you!

0:10:52 > 0:10:56LORRY BEEPS

0:11:00 > 0:11:05Ooh! Flying million poppadom order surprise! Three-nil to Viper!

0:11:07 > 0:11:10- (WHISPERS)- The Way of the Wedgie.

0:11:10 > 0:11:13The Way of the Wedgie.

0:11:13 > 0:11:16I... I can't hear you!

0:11:16 > 0:11:18The Way of the Wedgie.

0:11:18 > 0:11:20Wha?

0:11:20 > 0:11:22Do the Way of the Wedgie!

0:11:22 > 0:11:24Oh, yeah. Thanks.

0:11:28 > 0:11:32ELASTIC STRETCHES TIGHT

0:11:40 > 0:11:43We have a new champion! Jimmy Ginger!

0:11:43 > 0:11:46Not so fast!

0:11:46 > 0:11:47OK.

0:11:47 > 0:11:53We...have...a...new...champion...

0:11:53 > 0:11:57No! I mean, you might want to reconsider the result

0:11:57 > 0:12:02when you find out that it is actually...me!

0:12:03 > 0:12:06Ha! The Viper!

0:12:07 > 0:12:09You've got to be kiddin' me!

0:12:09 > 0:12:10It's clever, huh?

0:12:12 > 0:12:18And little poodle Jimmy is the loser! Ha-ha-ha!

0:12:18 > 0:12:22Wedgie bluff rubber face swappy surprise!

0:12:22 > 0:12:25So what? That's nothing. Watch this!

0:12:27 > 0:12:30Double face monkey pully dance down!

0:12:30 > 0:12:35# Everybody was Kung Fu fighting

0:12:35 > 0:12:38# Those cats were fast as lightning... #

0:12:38 > 0:12:39Wah! Ha!

0:12:45 > 0:12:47SOMEONE COUGHS

0:12:47 > 0:12:50Well, Larry? What do you think?

0:12:56 > 0:12:58Fudge.

0:13:00 > 0:13:02Fudge.

0:13:03 > 0:13:05Fudge!

0:13:06 > 0:13:08Fudge!

0:13:09 > 0:13:13- (INCREASINGLY FRANTIC)- Fudge!

0:13:13 > 0:13:14Fuuudge!

0:13:16 > 0:13:18- (SCREAMS)- Fudge!

0:13:18 > 0:13:20Not fudge.

0:13:20 > 0:13:23Fudge. Available now from this theatre.

0:13:23 > 0:13:25CROWD CLAPS

0:13:25 > 0:13:28Oh, this is it! Break a leg, luvvie!

0:13:28 > 0:13:30- What, really?- Yeah!

0:13:31 > 0:13:34Ow! Ow! Ow!

0:13:34 > 0:13:36Aargh! Done it.

0:13:38 > 0:13:40Diddy Movies presents

0:13:40 > 0:13:43Murder on the Norwich Express.

0:13:46 > 0:13:49HE GRUNTS AND STRAINS

0:13:51 > 0:13:57'Greetings. I am Francois Le Fondue, the great French detective.

0:13:57 > 0:14:00'The greatest detective in the world.

0:14:00 > 0:14:03'No, the greatest detective in the whole universe.'

0:14:03 > 0:14:06Yes, yes, I am pretty amazing.

0:14:06 > 0:14:08'Yes, you are.'

0:14:08 > 0:14:09Mwah! 'Mwah!'

0:14:09 > 0:14:12'It was early morning in London

0:14:12 > 0:14:14'and after another brilliant investigation

0:14:14 > 0:14:17'into the curse of the Queen's armpit

0:14:17 > 0:14:20'I was off to take a well-earned rest.' Aargh!

0:14:21 > 0:14:23Higgins, you pig!

0:14:23 > 0:14:25Yes, uh, sorry.

0:14:25 > 0:14:28You call that an accent?

0:14:28 > 0:14:30I'm actually half French.

0:14:30 > 0:14:32See?

0:14:32 > 0:14:34Sorry.

0:14:35 > 0:14:37Higgins, you imbecile!

0:14:37 > 0:14:40You nearly hurt this massive detective brain!

0:14:40 > 0:14:43The brain that solved the case of the missing walnut.

0:14:43 > 0:14:47- But I solved the case of the missing walnut.- Did not.

0:14:47 > 0:14:48I found it under the sofa!

0:14:48 > 0:14:50- Silence!- Yes, yes.

0:14:50 > 0:14:54- You will never match the brilliance of Fondue!- All aboard!

0:14:56 > 0:14:58Er, Mister Fondue?

0:14:58 > 0:14:59Say you're sorry.

0:14:59 > 0:15:01Sorry.

0:15:01 > 0:15:02Like you mean it.

0:15:02 > 0:15:04Sorry!

0:15:04 > 0:15:06Still don't believe you.

0:15:06 > 0:15:08Sorry, sorry, sorry!

0:15:11 > 0:15:14Please?!

0:15:14 > 0:15:16OK, fine.

0:15:19 > 0:15:22And so we were off,

0:15:22 > 0:15:26the Norwich Express taking us far, far away

0:15:26 > 0:15:30to give me and my massive brain a well-earned holiday.

0:15:32 > 0:15:34Can I take your order please?

0:15:34 > 0:15:41So are you sure there won't be some kind of terrible murder mystery?

0:15:41 > 0:15:44Don't be so stupid, Higgins!

0:15:44 > 0:15:47I would know if there was going to be a crime.

0:15:47 > 0:15:50I am a great detective.

0:15:50 > 0:15:54And I detect that nothing is about to...

0:15:54 > 0:15:56TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

0:15:56 > 0:15:59Like I said, nothing is about to...

0:15:59 > 0:16:01WHISTLE BLOWS

0:16:01 > 0:16:05Ah! The tea boy!

0:16:08 > 0:16:09Just as I predicted.

0:16:11 > 0:16:14He's been...minned!

0:16:14 > 0:16:16- Mooned?- Yes, that's what I said. Minned.

0:16:16 > 0:16:20Alert the authorities. There is a minner on board this train.

0:16:20 > 0:16:24And I, Francois Le Fondue, will find out...

0:16:24 > 0:16:25whodunnit!

0:16:25 > 0:16:27PARP!

0:16:27 > 0:16:29Ooh, isn't he cute?

0:16:29 > 0:16:30PARP!

0:16:30 > 0:16:33We were in that tunnel for several seconds.

0:16:33 > 0:16:37That means anyone on board this train could be the minner.

0:16:37 > 0:16:39- Mooner?- Minner. It could be...

0:16:39 > 0:16:41the bitter businessman...

0:16:41 > 0:16:43Blah, blah, blah, yeah...

0:16:43 > 0:16:45Uh? Eat my face!

0:16:46 > 0:16:49The crazy chocolatier...

0:16:49 > 0:16:53Chocolat, chocolat! Haw! Haw!

0:16:57 > 0:17:00But by my powers of detection,

0:17:00 > 0:17:03I am pretty sure that it is...

0:17:03 > 0:17:05the goofy granny!

0:17:05 > 0:17:07Hello, dear!

0:17:07 > 0:17:11No, no! It can't be her. I mean, she's all lovely and that.

0:17:11 > 0:17:13- Shut up!- Yes.- I am the detective

0:17:13 > 0:17:17and I'm pretty sure that she is...

0:17:17 > 0:17:18proper shifty.

0:17:18 > 0:17:20WOMAN SCREAMS

0:17:20 > 0:17:23PARP!

0:17:23 > 0:17:26We searched the entire train, but nothing!

0:17:26 > 0:17:30The mysterious mooner was still at large.

0:17:30 > 0:17:33Maybe extra large. Ha-ha-ha!

0:17:35 > 0:17:39This train is reversing. This train is reversing...

0:17:41 > 0:17:45- The only place we haven't tried is la lavatoire.- Yes, yes!

0:17:45 > 0:17:46Uuugh!

0:17:46 > 0:17:49- I quite like it.- Eh?

0:17:51 > 0:17:53Right, let's sweep for clues.

0:17:53 > 0:17:57- I like sweeping for clues!- Me too!

0:17:57 > 0:18:01Sweep there, sweep the tie, sweep near the button...

0:18:01 > 0:18:04Nothing. Let's dust for prints.

0:18:04 > 0:18:07- I like dusting for prints!- Me too!

0:18:07 > 0:18:09Dusty, dusty, dusty here, dusty there...

0:18:09 > 0:18:12Nothing! Did you find any prints?

0:18:12 > 0:18:14Yes! I did.

0:18:14 > 0:18:18My liege, I bring important news from the rotten state of Denmark.

0:18:18 > 0:18:21- No, no, no! - I don't like that prince.- No.

0:18:21 > 0:18:23Look!

0:18:23 > 0:18:25A clue! Crisps!

0:18:27 > 0:18:30HE SNIFFS

0:18:30 > 0:18:33'Finally, I was on the trail of the mooner...'

0:18:33 > 0:18:34'What about me?'

0:18:34 > 0:18:38- 'Will you shut up!'- 'Oh.'

0:18:38 > 0:18:42Look, I found a yoghurt pot!

0:18:42 > 0:18:45- No!- I- found a yoghurt pot!

0:18:45 > 0:18:47POT SHATTERS

0:18:48 > 0:18:52Look! I found a pink tutu.

0:18:52 > 0:18:55- No!- I- found a pink tutu!

0:18:55 > 0:18:58TUTU SHATTERS

0:18:59 > 0:19:01Look, look, look!

0:19:01 > 0:19:03I found some old underpants!

0:19:03 > 0:19:06Yes... Yes, yes, you did.

0:19:06 > 0:19:07UNDERPANTS SHATTER

0:19:07 > 0:19:09Stop right there!

0:19:10 > 0:19:14He must be the mooner! Let's get him!

0:19:14 > 0:19:16Ooh, 'eck!

0:19:25 > 0:19:26Good evening, madams!

0:19:26 > 0:19:29Have you thought how long it takes to shave your back?

0:19:29 > 0:19:33That can be a thing of the past with the new shavey deluxe...

0:19:51 > 0:19:53Stop right there!

0:19:53 > 0:19:54Who are you?!

0:19:54 > 0:19:57I am Francoise Le Fondue.

0:19:57 > 0:19:59And he... He's not important.

0:19:59 > 0:20:02- No, I'm not. - And you are under arrest!

0:20:05 > 0:20:07Oh.

0:20:26 > 0:20:28CROWD CHEERS

0:20:28 > 0:20:30TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

0:20:35 > 0:20:37Oi!

0:20:39 > 0:20:41Tickets, please!

0:20:42 > 0:20:43Here you are.

0:20:44 > 0:20:46Thank you.

0:20:49 > 0:20:51Stop in the name of the law!

0:20:51 > 0:20:55TRAIN GRINDS, RUMBLES

0:20:55 > 0:20:57# To the left, to the left... #

0:21:04 > 0:21:06Don't do it, monsieur!

0:21:08 > 0:21:12- So, monsieur, you confess that... - Waah!

0:21:12 > 0:21:13You confess that you did it?

0:21:13 > 0:21:17Yeah! All right, I confess! It was me!

0:21:17 > 0:21:19BOTH: Yeah!

0:21:19 > 0:21:21I took the spare biscuits!

0:21:21 > 0:21:26The old biscuit ploy. So do you confess that you are the mooner?

0:21:26 > 0:21:29- The mooner?- Oh, no, no, I'm not the mooner.

0:21:30 > 0:21:35- I just nicked some custard creams. That's all.- Eh?

0:21:35 > 0:21:40- Although, now you mention it, I know who the mooner is.- Really?

0:21:40 > 0:21:42- It's...- Yes?

0:21:42 > 0:21:43It's...

0:21:43 > 0:21:45WHISTLE BLOWS

0:21:45 > 0:21:47PARP!

0:21:47 > 0:21:49Urgh! Sacre bleu!

0:21:49 > 0:21:50And we were so close!

0:21:50 > 0:21:53Now we'll never know who the mooner is!

0:21:53 > 0:21:57I mean, if it's not the guard, then who could it...

0:21:57 > 0:21:58Of course!

0:21:58 > 0:22:00- What?- It's obvious!

0:22:00 > 0:22:03- What? What?- I can't believe I didn't see it before!

0:22:03 > 0:22:05- What?!- The mooner is...

0:22:06 > 0:22:09You! Mister train driver!

0:22:11 > 0:22:14All right. It's a fair cop. I suppose you followed the clues.

0:22:14 > 0:22:17The spanner left in the guard's room,

0:22:17 > 0:22:20which led to the compartment behind the buffet,

0:22:20 > 0:22:22where you found ketchup from my bacon sandwich,

0:22:22 > 0:22:25- which led you here. - Er...no, actually.

0:22:25 > 0:22:28To be honest, you're the only person left on the train

0:22:28 > 0:22:31- who hasn't been mooned.- Oh. Right.

0:22:31 > 0:22:33So you just...blagged it.

0:22:33 > 0:22:35Whatever. Boys!

0:22:35 > 0:22:36Take him away!

0:22:41 > 0:22:44Fondue, there's just one thing I don't understand.

0:22:44 > 0:22:46Yes, my stupid friend?

0:22:46 > 0:22:49- If the driver's gone to prison...- Oui?

0:22:49 > 0:22:52Then who's going to stop the train?

0:22:54 > 0:22:55BOTH: Aagh!

0:22:58 > 0:23:01All units! The runaway train came down the track

0:23:01 > 0:23:03and she blew. Repeat. She blew!

0:23:03 > 0:23:05CRASHING

0:23:05 > 0:23:09Don't worry, Larry. We said you'd pay for the damage.

0:23:09 > 0:23:10Huh? Oh...

0:23:10 > 0:23:12Aaaagh!

0:23:18 > 0:23:20Aaaagh!

0:23:28 > 0:23:30Aaaagh!

0:23:33 > 0:23:35Higgins, this is the end!

0:23:35 > 0:23:37Phew! I'm off.

0:23:37 > 0:23:40Oi! Not the actual end!

0:23:40 > 0:23:41Oh.

0:23:45 > 0:23:46I have it!

0:23:46 > 0:23:49Divert this train to "Beth"!

0:23:49 > 0:23:50To Bath?

0:23:50 > 0:23:53Yes! Divert this train to "Beth"!

0:23:55 > 0:23:58SPLASHING

0:23:58 > 0:24:02# Splish splash, I was taking a bath

0:24:02 > 0:24:05# Home about a Saturday night

0:24:05 > 0:24:08# Rub dub, just relaxing in the tub

0:24:08 > 0:24:11# Thinking everything was all right... #

0:24:18 > 0:24:21Well, Larry? What did you think?

0:24:27 > 0:24:30What about you lot? What did you think, eh?

0:24:36 > 0:24:43SCREAMING, GUNFIRE, POLICE SIRENS, EXPLOSIONS, HORSES NEIGHING

0:24:51 > 0:24:54I cannot believe I just sat through that.

0:24:54 > 0:24:56- Unbelievable!- This is outrageous!

0:24:56 > 0:24:59SCREAMING

0:25:00 > 0:25:03I'm ruined! Ruined, I tell you!

0:25:03 > 0:25:07Actually, Mister Weinsteinberger...

0:25:07 > 0:25:10We've got another idea for a film!

0:25:10 > 0:25:13Yes. And this film has...

0:25:14 > 0:25:16..jam in a bag!

0:25:18 > 0:25:21'Those two are unique creatures!

0:25:21 > 0:25:24'They're the only men I know who've got a bum for a brain!

0:25:24 > 0:25:27'A bum for a brain, I tell you!

0:25:27 > 0:25:29'And that's a waste of a bum!

0:25:29 > 0:25:34'Why do I bother? That's the most stupid thing I ever...'

0:25:34 > 0:25:36I love it! Here's the cash!

0:25:36 > 0:25:37- Yay!- Yay!

0:25:37 > 0:25:40Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd