0:00:02 > 0:00:04'Lights... Camera... Action!'
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# We're Diddy Dick and Dom and we're so excited.
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# Our showbiz careers have been reignited.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13# We've made it on to the silver screen
0:00:13 > 0:00:15# With our Diddy Movies
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# You're living the dream!
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# We were down on our luck, we were put out stars...
0:00:20 > 0:00:21# Flipping burgers...
0:00:21 > 0:00:23# And washing cars!
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# We've waved goodbye to all our cares
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# Hello to Holywood premiers.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33# This time next year you'll be millionaires.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36# So Diddy Movies - yeah! #
0:00:38 > 0:00:44'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another Diddy Movie premiere!
0:00:44 > 0:00:49'In association with Diddy Fizz... the fizzier cola.'
0:00:49 > 0:00:50BURP
0:00:50 > 0:00:51'Tonight's movie is the...'
0:00:51 > 0:00:52BURP
0:00:52 > 0:00:54'Ahem, sorry.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57'Tonight's movie is the apocalyp-smacking
0:00:57 > 0:00:58Disaster Strikes!
0:00:58 > 0:01:00BURP EXPLOSION
0:01:00 > 0:01:05Mark my words, guys, if this movie's another disaster, I'll kill you!
0:01:05 > 0:01:08But Larry, that's exactly what it is!
0:01:08 > 0:01:12Yeah, this movie's loads of disasters.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Whaaaaaat?!
0:01:15 > 0:01:19Oh, yeah, Disaster Strikes. Well, it better be good!
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Good? It's a disaster!
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Whaaaaaaaat?!
0:01:23 > 0:01:26'The following advert is an advert.'
0:01:26 > 0:01:30'Unlock the freshness at Squidge, your local juice bar!'
0:01:32 > 0:01:35'If it's yumptious and bursting with flavour, we'll squidge it!'
0:01:35 > 0:01:38- 'Try squidged orange and mango!' - 'Squidge.'
0:01:38 > 0:01:40- 'Squidged pineapple, grape and omelette!'- 'Squidge.'
0:01:40 > 0:01:43- 'Squidged lamb and stapler!' - 'Squidge.'
0:01:43 > 0:01:44'Squidge! Your local juice bar.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47'Opposite this cinema, on the left hand side!
0:01:47 > 0:01:48'Down the road, cross the roundabout,
0:01:48 > 0:01:49'left at the shoe warehouse!
0:01:49 > 0:01:53'Walk three minutes, second right at the skip, get the bus to Flappy End!
0:01:53 > 0:01:55'Get to the biscuit factory,
0:01:55 > 0:01:56'there's a hole in the hedge, squeeze through...
0:01:56 > 0:01:59'and hop for 400 yards towards the bright light...'
0:01:59 > 0:02:02'Ooh, yes, Mr Weinsteinberger!' This is it!
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Except this time we're shooting this movie in...
0:02:05 > 0:02:07five-D!
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Five-D?
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Yes, it doesn't just look like you're there,
0:02:11 > 0:02:14it feels like you're there too!
0:02:23 > 0:02:26I love it!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28'Diddy Movies present... Disaster Strikes!'
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Hello there, sir!
0:02:43 > 0:02:44Welcome to Diddy Airlines.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46RATTLING
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Chicken or fluff, sir?
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Hmmm?
0:02:51 > 0:02:55Oy! I'm the only one on this plane, you idiots!
0:02:55 > 0:02:58And I ordered a cappuccino 20 minutes ago!
0:02:58 > 0:03:00- Sir!- Oof!
0:03:00 > 0:03:05'Bing bong! This is Captain Undercarriage speaking.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07'I'd like to welcome you aboard this flight,'
0:03:07 > 0:03:09from London to Kat-man-don't.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13We are currently cruising at 600 miles an hour.
0:03:13 > 0:03:18Which is just the right speed to dry my smalls.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21WILD WIND SOUNDS
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Mmmmmm, so fresh.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28Our current altitude is, ooh, 20 feet.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30So we're about to hit that large house.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34BOTH: Oh no! It's a total disaster!
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Recognise that house?
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- What?!- Yeah, you won't get Channel Five any more!
0:03:43 > 0:03:46- Oh!- Phew! Cameron! I thought we were gonners then!
0:03:46 > 0:03:49And then I'd never get home to my little Twinkle!
0:03:49 > 0:03:53Oh, yeah. So many long, lonely weeks on the job,
0:03:53 > 0:03:56I just can't wait to get home...to see my precious Butch!
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Yeah, but, I love my little Twinkle more than you love your Butch.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02- No you do not!- Do.- Do not!
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- Do!- Do not!- Do, do, do, do!
0:04:05 > 0:04:06'Bing bong.'
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Now our cabin crew will now do the safety thingy.
0:04:10 > 0:04:11BOTH: Yay!
0:04:12 > 0:04:18And remember, your nearest emergency exit may be inside you.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21In the event of us getting slightly bored,
0:04:21 > 0:04:24sponge cakes will descend from above.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27And remember to never, ever, ever, push this button.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Bing! Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
0:04:37 > 0:04:42BOTH: Oh no! It's a total disaster!
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Don't worry, Cameron. The captain knows what he's doing!
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49AUDIENCE: Aaaaaaargh!
0:04:49 > 0:04:53BOTH: Oh no! It's a total disaster!
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Right, Cameron, we're going to have to fly this thing!
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Just keep calm. Cameron?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Come here you numpty. Grab hold of the controls!
0:05:07 > 0:05:09But which way?!
0:05:09 > 0:05:12'At the first cloud, turn left.'
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Ooh, cheers, sweetheart. Isn't he nice?!
0:05:14 > 0:05:16'Thank you.'
0:05:17 > 0:05:19'Automatic navigation...selected.'
0:05:19 > 0:05:21BOTH: We're saved!
0:05:24 > 0:05:29You may have felt a light turbulence, If you did, I'm very sorry, sir.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31- And I'm even more sorry, sir. - No, you're not!
0:05:33 > 0:05:35May I put this in the overhead locker, sir?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37- Don't! - Oh, really, it's no trouble.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39No! There's something up there.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41What? Luggage?!
0:05:41 > 0:05:42THEY LAUGH
0:05:42 > 0:05:47Please! The thing is, I have a...a.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49A shark!
0:05:49 > 0:05:53BOTH: Oh no! It's a total disaster!
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Sharkdown!
0:06:11 > 0:06:16- That's enough disasters for one day! - Yes. At least nothing else can possibly go wrong!
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Ooh, I tell you what, Cameron. These new nylon uniforms...
0:06:20 > 0:06:21they're mighty tight!
0:06:24 > 0:06:27I'm feeling a wee bit toasty!
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Oh! It's a fire! Fire!
0:06:30 > 0:06:34BOTH: Oh no, it's a total disaster!
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Don't worry, I'll save you!
0:06:36 > 0:06:37I'll beat the flames out.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38WHACK
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Aah!
0:06:39 > 0:06:40WHACK
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Aah!
0:06:41 > 0:06:42WHACK
0:06:42 > 0:06:43Aah!
0:06:46 > 0:06:48THE FIRE'S OUT!
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Oooh. You're my hero!
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Is that your tummy?
0:07:01 > 0:07:04No. I haven't had my prunes yet.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06CRACK OF THUNDER
0:07:06 > 0:07:11BOTH: Argh!
0:07:12 > 0:07:14BONG
0:07:20 > 0:07:21BONG
0:07:25 > 0:07:27BONG
0:07:30 > 0:07:31BONG
0:07:34 > 0:07:36BING
0:07:46 > 0:07:48I don't like the look of that.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54Really? I could always take it back. They had a fabulous one in maroon.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57No, the weather! What's that in the distance?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01A tornado!
0:08:01 > 0:08:02Uh! A typhoon!
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Yeah. And a tidal wave!
0:08:05 > 0:08:06A bit of patchy fog!
0:08:06 > 0:08:10BOTH: Oh no! It's a total disaster!
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Ahh!
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Seat belt on please, madam.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Seat backs upright, please, sir.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27You'll have to put that fridge freezer in the overhead locker.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Ahem, assume brace position, please, sir.
0:08:32 > 0:08:33Thank you.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35CRASH
0:08:35 > 0:08:37BOTH: Aaaaaaaaaargh!
0:08:53 > 0:08:58'Oh, yeah, let's stop it. Cheeeeeeese!'
0:08:58 > 0:09:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Ooh, aaaah, ah.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07That's it...It's over.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08We survived.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10I know! And I thought we were never
0:09:10 > 0:09:12going to see our little darlings ever again!
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Awww. I mean, after all, we are just two ordinary air stewards
0:09:16 > 0:09:19who just happened to encounter a freak plane accident,
0:09:19 > 0:09:21were attacked by a killer shark,
0:09:21 > 0:09:23caught in a raging trouser inferno,
0:09:23 > 0:09:26and swallowed by an impossibly large storm.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28I mean, what are the chances of that?!
0:09:28 > 0:09:32Well, it's actually one in two billion point nine six four
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Recurring.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Errrm...
0:09:35 > 0:09:37PING
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Gary? What's that noise?
0:09:42 > 0:09:48- PING - 'Warning. My batteries are low. Warning. My batteries are low.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51'Has anybody got a charger?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54'The little one with a sort of round bit?
0:09:54 > 0:09:57'No, not that one... bwwwwwuhhhh.'
0:09:57 > 0:09:59There's no-one to fly the plane!
0:09:59 > 0:10:03'Oh, no. It's a total disaster.'
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Oh! Cameron, I cannae take any more of this!
0:10:06 > 0:10:12Today's just been one disaster after another! We're doomed!
0:10:12 > 0:10:18Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary!
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary!
0:10:21 > 0:10:28Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary!
0:10:28 > 0:10:34Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Don't give up.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38We've got to get home. Twinkle and Butch are counting on us.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42AUDIENCE: Aww!
0:10:44 > 0:10:45What?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48OK. I'll try.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52The passengers! There must be somebody!
0:10:52 > 0:10:57No. I have absolutely no experience flying a commercial airliner.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Sorry.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Well, this is it, Cameron, you've been a good friend to me.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07You owe me 50 quid.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Goodbye, friend!
0:11:09 > 0:11:10Goodbye!
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Wait! What's that?
0:11:14 > 0:11:17It's literally raining cats and dogs!
0:11:17 > 0:11:19It can't be! Butch?!
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Twinkle?!
0:11:21 > 0:11:22- Wuff!- Miaow!
0:11:22 > 0:11:24BOTH: We're saved!
0:11:24 > 0:11:25CRASH
0:11:29 > 0:11:33'Roger, Todger, this is ATC Miami, you are cleared for landing.'
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Woof! Woof!
0:11:35 > 0:11:37'There's a good dog.'
0:11:48 > 0:11:49BOTH: Hooray!
0:11:52 > 0:11:53CRASH
0:11:53 > 0:11:56CHEERING
0:11:56 > 0:11:59'Prison's lock down. Prison's lock down.'
0:11:59 > 0:12:02SIREN WAILS BOTH: Hooray!
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Excuse me! I'm still waiting for that cappuccino!
0:12:11 > 0:12:13SILENCE
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Well, Larry? What do you think?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29- What about you lot, then?- Yeah.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32What did you think? You look good, you like that?
0:12:39 > 0:12:44SCREAMING AND CHEERING
0:12:51 > 0:12:54SCREAMING
0:12:54 > 0:12:58- I cannot believe I just sat through that.- Unbelieveable.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Aaaaaaaargh!
0:13:01 > 0:13:06I'm ruined! Ruined, I tells yaaaa!
0:13:06 > 0:13:09No, no, no... Actually, Mr Weinsteinberger...
0:13:09 > 0:13:12we've had a new idea for a film!
0:13:14 > 0:13:22And this one has got singing...wait for it...sushi!
0:13:22 > 0:13:26'I don't believe it! They make the worst film in history
0:13:26 > 0:13:30'and try to get me, me, to pay them for another one!
0:13:30 > 0:13:34'The most pointless, useless, hopeless, ridiculous...'
0:13:34 > 0:13:35I love it!
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Here's the money!
0:13:37 > 0:13:40CHEERING