0:00:02 > 0:00:04Lights, camera, action!
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# We're diddy Dick and Dom and we're so excited
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# Our showbiz careers have been reignited
0:00:11 > 0:00:15# We've made it onto the silver screen with our Diddy Movies
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# You're living the dream!
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# We were down on our luck we were burnt out stars
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# Flipping burgers and washing cars
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# But we waved goodbye to all our cares
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# Hello to Hollywood premiers
0:00:30 > 0:00:33# This time next year you'll be millionaires
0:00:33 > 0:00:35# Go, Diddy Movies. #
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Yes, it's another spec-tac-ular evening as you join us
0:00:42 > 0:00:46at the premiere of another Diddy Movie!
0:00:46 > 0:00:51Bace Voyage To Outer Bace - In Bace!
0:00:51 > 0:00:54I'm sorry. I can't say the word "space".
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Guys, you're five hours late!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58- Sorry, Larry. We had to finish something.- Finish what?
0:00:58 > 0:01:01- The movie. - Well, you better not let me down.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04I've got 14 wives and a Doberman to support!
0:01:04 > 0:01:06It's starting! It's starting!
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Give me my popcorn. Give me my popcorn.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10Can it!
0:01:14 > 0:01:19This girl is about to throw her brand new bike into a skip.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Now she'll have to wait until next Christmas
0:01:22 > 0:01:24to go cycling with her friends.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28This boy is about to chuck his shoes into a stagnant pond.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32Now his socks will get wet on the way home.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35And this man has just dropped off his wife and three children
0:01:35 > 0:01:37at the recycling centre.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40They were all supposed to be going to the cinema tonight.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Remember...
0:01:48 > 0:01:50This is it!
0:01:50 > 0:01:51Help!
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Diddy Movies presents...
0:02:03 > 0:02:09First Officer Trollop, this is the captain.
0:02:09 > 0:02:16Oh, yes, I am the captain! How brilliant. I am the captain.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Me! Are YOU the captain?
0:02:18 > 0:02:22No, of course you're not the captain because I'm the captain. Me!
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Captain, captain, captain, captain!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27What do you want?
0:02:27 > 0:02:31Ah, we've received a mission from space high command - in space.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34"Find and arrest evil Commander Krudd".
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- Do you know where he is?- No.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42But look what I've got - a new control panel
0:02:42 > 0:02:44with big shiny buttons!
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Ooh! Can I press a button?
0:02:47 > 0:02:51No! Because I am the captain. Me!
0:02:53 > 0:02:55BEEPS
0:02:55 > 0:02:57CAPTAIN LAUGHS
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- I wonder what that button does?- Oh.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02ENGINE ROARS
0:03:03 > 0:03:05DOORBELL RINGS
0:03:05 > 0:03:08MONKEY SHRIEKS/BUBBLE POPS
0:03:08 > 0:03:09WHISTLE TOOTS/MUSIC PLAYS
0:03:09 > 0:03:12BURPING/GARGLING
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Arrgh!
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Meanwhile, on the evil Starship Krudd...
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Look at them, silly space cadets!
0:03:39 > 0:03:43They're falling right into our trap!
0:03:43 > 0:03:44THEY LAUGH
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Lemon face wipe?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Oh, yes!
0:03:57 > 0:04:00'Emergency flamingo inflating.'
0:04:02 > 0:04:04'Emergency flamingo inflating.'
0:04:16 > 0:04:17I'm bored of this.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19CRACKLING/EXPLOSION
0:04:19 > 0:04:20What can we do?
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Maybe carry on our mission. Find evil Commander Krudd.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Nah! Bo-ring!
0:04:26 > 0:04:28'Incoming emergency broadcast.'
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Hooray! Let's put it on the screen.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33'Please state password.'
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Bungleweed hairynips!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39'Password accepted.'
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Hello! Hello. Is it working?
0:04:41 > 0:04:45If anybody is watching this, we need rescuing!
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Oh, luvvie, that actress can't act to save her life!
0:04:49 > 0:04:51You're right. She gets killed in a minute.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54I'm trapped on the planet D Minus See Me.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57It's been hit by a terrible earthquake!
0:04:57 > 0:05:00I only have minutes left before...before...
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Before what?
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Before we get blown up!
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Trollop! Set a course immediately.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Captain Awesome has a princess to rescue!
0:05:16 > 0:05:19- It's that way.- Yeah, whatever.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30HORN TOOTS
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- HORN TOOTS - Get lost!
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Arrrgh!
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Oh, thank goodness!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42They're here! I'm saved!
0:05:42 > 0:05:44SPLAT!
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Where is she?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50I can't see her anywhere.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Must've been a hoax call. Come on, let's go.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Look, space weevils!
0:05:57 > 0:05:59# Space weevils
0:05:59 > 0:06:02# We're the space weevils. #
0:06:04 > 0:06:05Arrrgh!
0:06:05 > 0:06:08- I hate space weevils.- Yeah.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Me too.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13# Space weevils
0:06:13 > 0:06:16# We're the space weevils. #
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Arrgh!
0:06:19 > 0:06:21# Space weevils... #
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Arrrgh!
0:06:26 > 0:06:27# Na-na, na-na... #
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Yaarrgh!
0:06:31 > 0:06:34# Na-na, na-na
0:06:34 > 0:06:36# Na-na, n-n-na
0:06:36 > 0:06:37# Na-na, n-n-na... #
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Arrrgh!
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Come on!
0:06:40 > 0:06:42THEY SQUEAL
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- Yarrrgh!- Yarrrgh!
0:06:46 > 0:06:47WEEVILS SQUEAL
0:06:47 > 0:06:48Ha-ha!
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Space...weevils...
0:06:50 > 0:06:54Back on the evil Starship Krudd - in space...
0:06:54 > 0:06:57They're still falling right into our trap.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01Soon, Captain Awesome and his foolish assistant
0:07:01 > 0:07:03will be ours, all ours.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04THEY CACKLE
0:07:04 > 0:07:07We are brilliant.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Yes, we are.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Fancy a little kissy?
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- No!- Oh.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18Activate reality distortion probe.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19WHOOSH
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Probe activated.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Ha-ha, dirty button.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27What's going on?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Give me a reading.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Well, "It was a fine, dry day in Zingly Dale
0:07:33 > 0:07:36"and Lester the lamb was all tucked up in his blanket."
0:07:36 > 0:07:37Aww.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41- Now tell me what's going on. - I don't know!
0:07:41 > 0:07:43EXPLOSION
0:07:43 > 0:07:47- Ship scientist, do you know what's going on?- It's the planet.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Some kind of instability flux synchrotron
0:07:50 > 0:07:54balsamic-infused curvy-wurvy wave field.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58BOTH: Arrrgh, we're all going to die!
0:07:58 > 0:08:01No, Captain. As I just said, it's the planet.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Some kind of stability flux synchrotron...
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Arrrrrgh!
0:08:05 > 0:08:08We're all going to die!
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Actually, you are right, the planet is falling in on itself.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15If we don't run now, we're all going to get sucked into a black hole.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17RUN!
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Come on! Keep going!
0:08:31 > 0:08:32Faster!
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Whaaaa!
0:08:37 > 0:08:41See that, Larry? That cost 10 million quid.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Oh...turkey.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53No-one has ever entered the Kingdom of the Black Knight and survived.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Prepare to meet a slow, gruesome, medieval death.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58We can't because, um...
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Oh.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Come on, fight me, you wimps.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Oh, oh, we can't cos he...
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Nobody's opened the... Oooh!
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Whooooah!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21- That was weird.- Tell me about it.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Has anybody seen my weasel?
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Let's get out of here.
0:09:26 > 0:09:31- Oof.- Ten, nine, eight,
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- seven, six...- Three, two, one.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35Whaaa!
0:09:35 > 0:09:39HE GROANS
0:09:41 > 0:09:43See that, Larry? That cost 20 million quid.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Raaargh!
0:09:51 > 0:09:52Ooof!
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Oh! Where are we? What happened?
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Who's hand am I holding?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00MUSIC: "Take My Breath Away" by Berlin
0:10:00 > 0:10:03BOTH: Aww, sweet.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05MUSIC STOPS
0:10:05 > 0:10:06Something pulled us off course.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Some kind of tractor beam.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10# I've got a brand new combine harvester
0:10:10 > 0:10:12# And I'll give you the key... #
0:10:15 > 0:10:20- Who could be behind this? - It was me, Captain! Ha-ha-ha!
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- Oi, and me! - Oh, you are cheeky.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Commander Krudd?
0:10:24 > 0:10:29Yes! I've always wanted to destroy you, Captain Awesome.
0:10:29 > 0:10:34Ever since you made a tastier souffle than me in home economics
0:10:34 > 0:10:39- at school.- So now prepare to die!
0:10:39 > 0:10:42- No!- Yes!
0:10:42 > 0:10:44- No!- Do it!
0:10:44 > 0:10:48- No!- Yes!- Oh, just shoot him.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52EXPLOSION
0:10:52 > 0:10:53He shot us!
0:10:53 > 0:10:56I can't believe he shot us!
0:10:59 > 0:11:00EXPLOSION
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Oh, he shot us again!
0:11:02 > 0:11:04That is not fair.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08- Captain, you really need to... - The worthless low-life piece of...
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Captain, will you stop?
0:11:10 > 0:11:15..tinky-winky, itty-bitty, horrible nasty poo face...
0:11:15 > 0:11:17'Initiating count down.'
0:11:17 > 0:11:18Oh, great.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21'Ten, nine, eight...
0:11:21 > 0:11:25- 'six, six...'- What's happening? - '..five...'
0:11:25 > 0:11:26Now you've done it!
0:11:26 > 0:11:29'Three...two...'
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Happy new year!
0:11:32 > 0:11:34What happened?
0:11:37 > 0:11:43You transported the ship through time to 1st January 1977.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Oh, yeah? How?
0:11:46 > 0:11:47This plot's rubbish, man.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51I don't see you making a better film!
0:11:52 > 0:11:55I don't know how, but thanks to your quick thinking,
0:11:55 > 0:11:57you saved everybody!
0:11:57 > 0:12:01Hooray! Happy new year, Trollop.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Happy new year, Captain.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Happy new year, Captain. Or should I say Lieutenant?
0:12:06 > 0:12:09I'll get you next time, Captain Awesome!
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Nnarr!
0:12:11 > 0:12:15Not if I get you first! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:12:15 > 0:12:18DISCO MUSIC PLAYS
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Well, Larry?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40What do you think?
0:12:44 > 0:12:49- Hmm.- What about you lot? What do you think, eh?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59ALL SHOUT ANGRILY
0:13:08 > 0:13:11ALL SHOUT ANGRILY
0:13:11 > 0:13:13I cannot believe I just sat through that!
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Unbelievable. Outrageous.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18SHE SCREAMS
0:13:18 > 0:13:21I'm ruined! Ruined, I tell you!
0:13:21 > 0:13:27Actually, Mr Weinsteinberger, we've got a new idea for a movie, yeah.
0:13:28 > 0:13:33And this one's got synchronised turtles.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39'Just when I think Dick is the biggest palooka on the planet,
0:13:39 > 0:13:42'along comes Dom to steal the title!
0:13:42 > 0:13:46'Why I oughta, I oughta, I oughta and I'm gonna...
0:13:46 > 0:13:48I love it!
0:13:48 > 0:13:49Here's the money!
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd