0:00:02 > 0:00:04Lights, camera, action.
0:00:04 > 0:00:05# We're Diddy Dick and Dom
0:00:05 > 0:00:07# And we're so excited
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# Our showbiz careers have been reignited
0:00:11 > 0:00:13# We've made it on to the silver screen
0:00:13 > 0:00:17- # With our Diddy Movies - (You're living the dream)
0:00:17 > 0:00:18# We were down on our luck
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# We were burnt out stars
0:00:20 > 0:00:21# Flipping burgers
0:00:21 > 0:00:23# And washing cars
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# We waved goodbye to all our cares
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# Hello to Hollywood premieres
0:00:30 > 0:00:33# This time next year you'll be millionaires
0:00:33 > 0:00:35# Go Diddy Movies
0:00:35 > 0:00:36# Yeah. #
0:00:38 > 0:00:44Ladies, gentlemen and my psychotherapist Sally,
0:00:44 > 0:00:48welcome to another Diddy Movie premiere.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52Tonight, it's the martial arts mega piece
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Fight! The Way Of The Wedgie.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Huh-huh, huh-ya.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59- Mr Weinsteinberger.- That's me.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01- Mr Weinsteinberger. - I said, that's me.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Me and Diddy Dick have brought you a present.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07- It is a souvenir from the set.- Oh, really?
0:01:07 > 0:01:09It's the director.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10Dark.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Dark! Dark! DARK!
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Listen. This movie cost me a fortune.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20If it flops, I'll see to it that you guys never work in this town again.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22- What about the next town?- No.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23- The next, next town?- No.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26What about the next, next, next, next, next, next...
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Can it!
0:01:32 > 0:01:37Your doll may look like a real baby and feel like a real baby,
0:01:37 > 0:01:42but does it smell like a real baby?
0:01:42 > 0:01:46Looks like you need Baby Let-One-Off.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49- She laughs, she cries. - PARP
0:01:49 > 0:01:52She farts like a foghorn.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Pump her arm and she'll pump out a tune.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59# PARP, PARP, PARP-PARP, PARP, PARP. #
0:01:59 > 0:02:02But, whatever you do, don't pull her finger.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Baby Let-One-Off accepts no responsibility
0:02:04 > 0:02:06for accidental injury.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09It is not recommended for children, adults, animals.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Keep away from flames.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14This is it! Diddy Dick.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I'm so excited, I could, I could...
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Cut that out!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28You're scaring me.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34I am Minky the Monkey.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38In mountains of China, ancient wisdom dictates
0:02:38 > 0:02:42that true warrior can only be born under starless sky.
0:02:42 > 0:02:47He must go on long journey, learn many great things.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Courage of a thousand tigers.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Strength of a thousand ox.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Humility of a th...
0:02:55 > 0:02:56Huh!
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Diddy Movies present...
0:03:04 > 0:03:05In 3-D.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Oh, 3-D.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Who dares to take on The Viper? Hmm?
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Nobody has ever defeated me.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23- Ah!- Ah!
0:03:26 > 0:03:30Huh? You are all weak! Ha-ha.
0:03:30 > 0:03:35Nobody dares to take on The Viper. Nobody!
0:03:35 > 0:03:37I'll take on The Viper.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39< Flippin' idiot.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42And who are you, weedy warrior?
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Hurrrrrgh-ugh.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52I am Jimmy Ginger.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55I was born in the Mountains of Li Ning.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59My parents were abducted by aliens.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01I was raised by ants in the forest.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05And now, I have come here to fulfil my destiny
0:04:05 > 0:04:09and become a master of kung fu.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Kung fu? Flippin' idiot.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16You think this is kung fu? This isn't kung fu!
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Isn't it?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21No! This is kung boo!
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Allow me to demonstrate.
0:04:28 > 0:04:33You see, Jimmy, kung boo is like kung fu, but with one difference.
0:04:33 > 0:04:38To win at kung boo, you must master art of surprise.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39See?
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Hi-ya.
0:04:43 > 0:04:48Very good kung boo. Cheesy foot in face, very surprising.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Haaa.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Urgh!
0:04:53 > 0:04:59Ah! Double surprise. Licky tongue on cheesy foot in face.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01One-all.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Aaaah.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Eeeeeeh.
0:05:08 > 0:05:09Ya.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Argh!
0:05:19 > 0:05:22# Consider yourself at home
0:05:22 > 0:05:26# Consider yourself one of the family. #
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Ultimate surprise. Singing sausage of death.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Winner is The Viper.
0:05:36 > 0:05:41And that is why, Mr Ginger, you will never beat me.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46Because I am the top dog and you are the puny poodle.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
0:05:55 > 0:06:01You may laugh, but I'll be back and, one day, I'll beat you.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04OK. How about...
0:06:04 > 0:06:06this Saturday?
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Yeah? Winner gets ten million yen.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13Be there, puny poodle.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17I'm not scared of you!
0:06:17 > 0:06:19PARP
0:06:19 > 0:06:22PARP
0:06:24 > 0:06:25PARP
0:06:26 > 0:06:28PARP
0:06:28 > 0:06:29PARP
0:06:29 > 0:06:32And so, the young novice had agreed to fight
0:06:32 > 0:06:36the most fearsome kung boo warrior in the whole of China.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40In just three days' time.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Ha! What a total bean sprout.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Ah-ha-ha-ha.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55Ha-ha!
0:07:03 > 0:07:06This boy going to need some help.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Ah! Huh-huh-huh.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23I'm looking for a trainer called Segal.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25- My name is...- I know who you are.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Oh. I'm...
0:07:27 > 0:07:30I know what you want.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31- I...- I know.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Actually, no, I don't know. It doesn't matter.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38- I'm not going to train you. - But kung boo is my destiny.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41You? You have a body like a rubber band.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43You have muscles like a jellyfish.
0:07:43 > 0:07:49You have amazing eyes. And I love what you've done with your hair.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Oh, thank you very much.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53No problem.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Go. Get out of here. You're a flimflam loser who wants his mummy.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- You wouldn't stand a fight against a kitten.- I would.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Argh!
0:08:02 > 0:08:05LAUGHTER
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- Ha-ha-ha-ha. Give me five. Yeah. - Meow.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11And now, we train.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16To learn kung boo, you must master the art of...surprise!
0:08:16 > 0:08:18HOOVES APPROACH
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Aw.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24- CRUNCH - Ow!
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Ow, you little... What was that for?
0:08:27 > 0:08:28You must master...
0:08:28 > 0:08:30the unpredictable!
0:08:30 > 0:08:32BELL RINGS
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Argh!
0:08:36 > 0:08:40- Please, can we...- You must catch your opponent unawares.
0:08:46 > 0:08:47Argh!
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Oooh!
0:08:49 > 0:08:51And so, over many long days,
0:08:51 > 0:08:55Jimmy Ginger worked tirelessly to master the art of kung boo.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Oooh, ah! Ah!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00And was rubbish.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Now, you are ready for your final lesson.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12The way of the wedgie.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- The way of the wedgie.- No!
0:09:15 > 0:09:19The waaaay of the wedgieeeee.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24What I'm about to tell you should not be revealed to anyone
0:09:24 > 0:09:25except your mum.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26Oh.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28THEY WHISPER
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Wooo!
0:09:34 > 0:09:37And now, the prize fight.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40The champion. Viper.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Yeah!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45The challenger. Jimmy Ginger.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52When you first came to me, I didn't want to train you.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55And now, I wish I hadn't.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58But it's too late. So, good luck.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01Ha-zee.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Go on, nut him!
0:10:04 > 0:10:05Aaaaaah!
0:10:09 > 0:10:10Ah!
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Huh.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Ha-zay-ya!
0:10:18 > 0:10:19Waaa!
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Big boulder, nipple-yanky surprise. One-nil.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Yaaah. Yah!
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Ah!
0:10:36 > 0:10:41Ah! Doppelganger, bursting balloon-face surprise. Two-nil.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Ah!
0:10:43 > 0:10:44Grrrr.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Yes, I need them right away. Thank you.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Ooooh.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05Flying, million-poppadom-order surprise. Three-nil to Viper.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Eurgh. Eurgh.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10(The way of the wedgie.)
0:11:10 > 0:11:13(The way of the wedgie.)
0:11:13 > 0:11:16I-I can't hear you.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18(The way of the wedgie.)
0:11:18 > 0:11:20What?
0:11:20 > 0:11:23- Do the way of the wedgie!- Oh, yeah.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Oh, yeah. Thanks.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29SNAP
0:11:40 > 0:11:43We have a new champion. Jimmy Ginger.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Not so fast!
0:11:46 > 0:11:53OK. Weeee have aaaa neeeew champiiiiion.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57No, no, no. I mean, you might want to reconsider the result,
0:11:57 > 0:12:01when you find out that it is actually...
0:12:01 > 0:12:03- me!- Ah!- Ah!
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Ha! The Viper! Ha-ha-ha-ha.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09You've got to be kidding me!
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- It's clever, huh?- Eh?
0:12:12 > 0:12:18And little poodle Jimmy is the loser! Ha-ha-ha!
0:12:19 > 0:12:23Wedgie-bluff, rubber-face, swappy surprise. So what?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25That's nothing. Watch this!
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Double-face-monkey, pully dance down!
0:12:30 > 0:12:33# Everybody was kung fu fighting
0:12:34 > 0:12:37# Those cats were fast as lightning... #
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Hah, hah.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Well, Larry? What did you think?
0:12:55 > 0:12:59What about you lot? What did you think?
0:13:04 > 0:13:07THEY ALL SHOUT AND SCREAM
0:13:19 > 0:13:24- I cannot believe I have just sat through that.- Unbelievable.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Ah!
0:13:27 > 0:13:31I'm ruined! Ruined, I tell you.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34But, Larry, we've got another idea for a movie.
0:13:34 > 0:13:39Yes, except this one's all about a ham and cheese sandwich.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46'I can't believe he had the barefaced cheek to even suggest that.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50'I'm going to tell 'em, I'm going to lay it on the line.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52'I can't take it no longer. I, I...'
0:13:52 > 0:13:55I love it! Here's the cash.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57- Yey!- Yey!