0:15:50 > 0:15:57.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Lights, camera, action!
0:16:03 > 0:16:05# We're Diddy Dick and Dom
0:16:05 > 0:16:07# And we're so excited
0:16:07 > 0:16:11# Our showbiz careers have been reignited
0:16:11 > 0:16:13# We've made it onto the silver screen
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- # With our Diddy Movies - You're living the dream!
0:16:17 > 0:16:20# We were down on our luck We were burnt out stars
0:16:20 > 0:16:23# Flipping burgers and washing cars
0:16:23 > 0:16:26# We waved goodbye to all our cares
0:16:26 > 0:16:30# Hello to Hollywood premieres
0:16:30 > 0:16:33# This time next year you'll be millionaires
0:16:33 > 0:16:35# Go, Diddy Movies
0:16:35 > 0:16:38# Yeah! #
0:16:39 > 0:16:44Ladies, gentlemen, and robots secretly living as people,
0:16:44 > 0:16:48as you plot to take over the world.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Welcome to another Diddy Movie premiere!
0:16:52 > 0:16:58Tonight, the superhero epic, "Human Man. Man of Man!"
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Superhero movies always make money!
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Only an idiot could mess up a superhero movie!
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Which is why I'm worried! Thinking what a mess you could make!
0:17:11 > 0:17:13It's got hit written all over it!
0:17:13 > 0:17:16It's about a superhero, with a secret identity...
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I know what a superhero is.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22You seem to know a lot about superheroes.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Psst. Maybe HE's the superhero.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29He's probably got his costume on under his suit!
0:17:32 > 0:17:36Gasp! Mr Weinsteinberger is the String Vest Man!
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Did you bring me here to show me a movie,
0:17:40 > 0:17:44- or bring me here to mess about? - Is that a trick question?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Run the film!
0:17:50 > 0:17:53'Ed's Fast Food on the High Street.'
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Burger and chips, please!
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Oi! I'm not having that!!
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Where's my chips?
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Thank you!
0:18:02 > 0:18:04'Ed's Fast Food on the High St.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07'It tastes disgusting, but it's really fast!'
0:18:07 > 0:18:10APPLAUSE
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Oooh, this is it!
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Welcome to my lair.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- I mean, lab!- Here, I, Richter Von Cork,
0:18:23 > 0:18:25plan to take over the world!
0:18:25 > 0:18:27I mean, research bottom medicine.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33Do you have any questions before I have you all killed?
0:18:33 > 0:18:34I mean, before lunch!
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Clint Cant, Daily Diddy.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Is there any truth in the rumour that you are actually
0:18:40 > 0:18:43a crazed supervillain? You certainly look like one!
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Why, you cheeky little... Well spotted, my friend!
0:18:47 > 0:18:49The reason I look this way
0:18:49 > 0:18:53is that I have a rare condition,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56meaning I have never pumped.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59I have been filling up with gas since I was a baby.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03Still I have found no cure.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Even my strongest laxative botty biscuits haven't worked.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10I just keep getting bigger, and still I cannot...
0:19:10 > 0:19:12- HE FARTS - Exactly!
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- HE FARTS - OK, you've made your point.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18- HE FARTS - Are you taking the Mick?!
0:19:18 > 0:19:21No, I'm trying not to follow through!
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- HE FARTS - Oh! That was a close one!
0:19:24 > 0:19:27As you can see, I am no supervillian!
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Everything that happens here is nice and evil...
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Cuddly!
0:19:35 > 0:19:38I've escaped! Ha-ha-ha!
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Argh! Argh!
0:19:41 > 0:19:45Take him back to the dungeon. I mean, happy room!
0:19:45 > 0:19:50Sorry, just someone I've been bombarding with radiation, for fun.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53I mean, important scientific research!
0:19:53 > 0:19:57Now, gentlemen, follow me this way.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00I'll introduce you to someone I've been feeding cabbage to
0:20:00 > 0:20:02for the last ten years.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04You might want to hold your noses.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17Ah! Ah! Ooh! Argh!
0:20:20 > 0:20:22HE FARTS
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Flipping biscuits!
0:20:29 > 0:20:34I feel different! I've been bitten by a radio-active man!
0:20:34 > 0:20:40- Like Spiderman! Brilliant! - Ssh!- Ssh!- Ssh!- Ssh!- Ssh!
0:20:48 > 0:20:53I now have the powers of a human being!
0:20:53 > 0:20:58I shall call myself Human Man!
0:20:58 > 0:21:03Better get a costume!
0:21:06 > 0:21:10Our top story. Buildings have been mysteriously collapsing
0:21:10 > 0:21:11all across the country.
0:21:11 > 0:21:16Police suspect... me! The Newsreader of Doom!
0:21:16 > 0:21:20SHE LAUGHS
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Here's goes another one!
0:21:23 > 0:21:24SCREAMS
0:21:24 > 0:21:29Now, the weather. It's raining and it's all my fault!
0:21:29 > 0:21:33Tee-hee-hee! I might make it hail later!
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Aah-haa-haa!
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Not so fast, Newsreader of Doom!
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Oh, no! Caught! How will I ever survive your powers of...
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Sorry, what were your powers, again?
0:21:42 > 0:21:47I am Human Man. Man of Man!
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- I can do anything a human can. - THEY LAUGH
0:21:53 > 0:21:57So, you're just a bloke in a leotard?
0:21:57 > 0:21:58Well, I mean...
0:22:00 > 0:22:04Oops! Looks like you're in a spot of rubble! Ha-ha! Oh.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Not more of you. Who are you two?
0:22:07 > 0:22:10We're Bapman and Sausage, and you're in for a bap wrap mustard slap!
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Argh!
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Look at her. She's like an out of work actor.
0:22:16 > 0:22:21- How do you mean, Sausage? - She's between 'rolls'!
0:22:21 > 0:22:22THEY LAUGH
0:22:22 > 0:22:27OK, Human Man, let's get you back to superhero HQ, get you patched up!
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Superhero HQ! Wow.
0:22:29 > 0:22:34Yes, but you must tell no-one of its secret location!
0:22:41 > 0:22:45- You've done this place up smashing.- Thank you, dear.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49We've tried to combine the modern with the traditional.
0:22:49 > 0:22:50Ooh. What's that?
0:22:50 > 0:22:52That, my human-powered friend,
0:22:52 > 0:22:55means something evil is infecting this planet.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58It's coming from just outside Leicester.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09It's working! Ha-ha-ha!
0:23:09 > 0:23:13Ooh, that were a smashing plate of beans, pickled eggs,
0:23:13 > 0:23:15and onion bhajis, dear.
0:23:15 > 0:23:20- Well, I've opened all the windows, love. So, in your own time.- Right.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27That's odd.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Try giving it a little poke, dear.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34HE GROANS
0:23:34 > 0:23:37This has never happened before, Marjorie. I can't trump.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41HE CRIES
0:23:44 > 0:23:46THEY GROAN
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Human Man, Sausage. This is important.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03I need you both to guff for me, right now.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05That's easy!
0:24:05 > 0:24:10I have the powers of a human being, and they sure can honk.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Some can play tunes.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15HE FARTS A TUNE
0:24:22 > 0:24:24HE GROANS
0:24:24 > 0:24:28Not even a squeaker! What does this mean, Bapman?
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- It means... - FANFARE BLARES
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- It means... - FANFARE BLARES
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Not yet, OK?
0:24:35 > 0:24:38It means someone has developed
0:24:38 > 0:24:41the world's most dangerous machine.
0:24:41 > 0:24:42A detrumpifier!
0:24:42 > 0:24:44OK, now!
0:24:44 > 0:24:46FANFARE BLARES
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Good evening. Our top story tonight. It's now been over a week
0:24:51 > 0:24:54since anyone on the planet let one off.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Even the Prime Minister has been affected.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00It is with great regret that, for the first time since becoming
0:25:00 > 0:25:05Prime Minister, I am unable to cut the cheese.
0:25:05 > 0:25:10REPORTER: Prime Minister. Have you considered your position, sir?
0:25:10 > 0:25:11And now, to other stories.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15A series of daring thefts have been committed by...
0:25:15 > 0:25:18.. me, the Newsreader of Doom!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:25:20 > 0:25:23PHONE RINGS Excuse me.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27Hello? What? Somebody's already got that name?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29What about "the New Newsreader of Doom?"
0:25:29 > 0:25:32"The Evil Newsman"? What about "the Newsmeister"?
0:25:32 > 0:25:34This is ridiculous. I'll call you back.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36More on that story later.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40Professor Von Cork, the world needs your help.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42We need to relieve the pressure!
0:25:42 > 0:25:46I need six billion of your laxative botty biscuits,
0:25:46 > 0:25:49or the world goes, "Boom!"
0:25:49 > 0:25:50No!
0:25:50 > 0:25:54What do you mean, "No"? We need them to stop the detrumpifier!
0:25:54 > 0:26:00Really? A detrumpifier? Like this one?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03- It's you!- Yes!
0:26:03 > 0:26:08The biscuits were just a cover-up. I like being a gasbag!
0:26:08 > 0:26:10And now, I will rule the world!
0:26:10 > 0:26:14Not if I have anything to do with it.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17Because, I am Human Man!
0:26:28 > 0:26:31I possess all the special powers of a human being!
0:26:31 > 0:26:36Feel the force of...human hand!
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Let me know when you're doing it, won't you(?)
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Feel the power of human foot!
0:26:42 > 0:26:44No.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Excuse me. Do you mind if I just use a phone?
0:26:49 > 0:26:50- No.- Thanks.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Just be a minute.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59Hello. This is Human Man. I need... What?
0:26:59 > 0:27:03Surrender, Von Cork! You're no match for my sausage power.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06We'll bap wrap and smother you in fried onions,
0:27:06 > 0:27:10- before you can say, "Salmonella". Right, Bapman?- You said it.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14Really? What about bangers and mash?
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Ah! His only weakness!
0:27:18 > 0:27:24Devilish! However, not to fear, Sausage. For Bapman is invincible!
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Yes? What about toasted Bapman?
0:27:30 > 0:27:34Argh! A toasting! I'm finished. It's up to you now, Human Man.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38The fate of the world rests in your hands.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Then the world is finished. He has no powers to defeat me!
0:27:42 > 0:27:47What about the power of... human finger!
0:27:50 > 0:27:51Uh-oh!
0:27:53 > 0:27:56He's going to blow! Everybody out!
0:28:02 > 0:28:03HE FARTS
0:28:03 > 0:28:07Ah, the worst is over now.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Good evening. This is the news, with me, Dr Newsmonster.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Seriously, that's all they had left.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21There were celebrations today, as the detrumpifier
0:28:21 > 0:28:24was destroyed, and normal trouser service was resumed.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Human Man, the nation owes you a...
0:28:26 > 0:28:27HE FARTS
0:28:27 > 0:28:32Ooh, that's better! A debt of gratitude that can never be...
0:28:32 > 0:28:35- HE FARTS - More tea, Archbishop?
0:28:35 > 0:28:38Man, that reeks! I'll come back and get it later!
0:28:38 > 0:28:40Probably best.
0:28:40 > 0:28:43But, before I go, I must just say this.
0:28:45 > 0:28:49Wherever there is injustice, wherever...
0:28:49 > 0:28:52- HE FARTS - Ooh, there goes the state banquet!
0:28:52 > 0:28:54You know what? Forget the big speech.
0:28:54 > 0:28:56You know where to find me!
0:29:06 > 0:29:11Well, Larry? What do you think?
0:29:19 > 0:29:22- What about you lot? - BOTH: What do you think? Eh?
0:29:29 > 0:29:31BOOING AND SHOUTING
0:29:51 > 0:29:56That was the worst movie I've ever seen! I'm ruined!
0:29:56 > 0:30:00But Larry, we've got a new idea for a film!
0:30:00 > 0:30:03Yes, it's called...
0:30:03 > 0:30:04..Goatbusters!
0:30:04 > 0:30:08Every sheep is going to want to go and see it!
0:30:08 > 0:30:12That's a lot of sheep! I love it! Here's the money!
0:30:12 > 0:30:15APPLAUSE
0:30:15 > 0:30:17Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd