High Broom & A Christmas, Christmas Movie

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0:00:02 > 0:00:04Lights! Camera! Action!

0:00:04 > 0:00:07BOTH: # We're Diddy Dick and Dom and we're so excited

0:00:07 > 0:00:11# Our showbiz careers have been reignited

0:00:11 > 0:00:13# We made it onto the silver screen

0:00:13 > 0:00:15# With our Diddy Movies

0:00:15 > 0:00:17# You're living the dream

0:00:17 > 0:00:20# We were down on our luck We were burnt-out stars

0:00:20 > 0:00:21# Flipping burgers

0:00:21 > 0:00:23# And washing cars

0:00:23 > 0:00:26# But we waved goodbye to all our cares

0:00:26 > 0:00:30# Hello to Hollywood premieres

0:00:30 > 0:00:33# This time next year, you'll be millionaires!

0:00:33 > 0:00:36# Let's go, Diddy Movies, yeah! #

0:00:38 > 0:00:39Ladies and gentlemen,

0:00:39 > 0:00:44tonight's movie is the wildest of westerns, High Broom!

0:00:44 > 0:00:45GUN COCKED, GUNSHOT

0:00:45 > 0:00:48Pah, you missed me! I'm over here.

0:00:48 > 0:00:49ANOTHER GUNSHOT

0:00:49 > 0:00:51Ooh, eugh!

0:00:51 > 0:00:53HIS GROANS TURN TO LAUGHTER

0:00:53 > 0:00:55Don't worry, it's only a sound effect. I'm actually...

0:00:55 > 0:00:57- ANOTHER GUNSHOT - Oh!

0:00:57 > 0:01:00Can you call me an ambulance?

0:01:00 > 0:01:03- So, you guys, a spaghetti western? - Oh, yes, please!

0:01:03 > 0:01:07Can I have extra spaghetti on mine? And no Parmesan - it tastes of feet.

0:01:07 > 0:01:12No, your latest movie. I heard on the grapevine it's a triumph.

0:01:12 > 0:01:15Oh! Thanks, Grapevine!

0:01:15 > 0:01:17You're welcome, Dominic.

0:01:21 > 0:01:23There are so many ways you can get confused.

0:01:23 > 0:01:26So many things are confusing. Are you confused?

0:01:26 > 0:01:28Well, now you can...

0:01:28 > 0:01:29Pineapple.com!

0:01:29 > 0:01:31- I know!- He knows!

0:01:31 > 0:01:33Pineapple.com, the de-confusing website.

0:01:33 > 0:01:35- Pineapple.com. - Pineapple.com.

0:01:35 > 0:01:37- Oh, I'm so confused!- Bless you.

0:01:37 > 0:01:40If you're confused like him, then we...

0:01:40 > 0:01:41COMPARE THINGS!

0:01:41 > 0:01:43Are you still confused about comparing?

0:01:43 > 0:01:45BANG! What about now?

0:01:45 > 0:01:48- Pineapple.com.- Now I'm never confused.- Now he's never confused.

0:01:48 > 0:01:53- Pineapple.com.- Pineapple.com. - Pineapple.com!- Pineapple.com.

0:01:53 > 0:01:54Pineapple-dot... BANG!

0:01:54 > 0:01:58Look, it's starting, it's starting, it's starting!

0:02:01 > 0:02:03Howdy, stranger. I'm Spike,

0:02:03 > 0:02:05but you can call me Spike.

0:02:05 > 0:02:09If you're looking for the Wild West, you just found it.

0:02:09 > 0:02:11The year is 1858.

0:02:11 > 0:02:13That there is Neatville,

0:02:13 > 0:02:16the tidiest town in all of the West.

0:02:16 > 0:02:20And that there is the man who keeps Neatville neat,

0:02:20 > 0:02:22Sheriff Samuel Speck,

0:02:22 > 0:02:24the fastest broom in the West.

0:02:24 > 0:02:25QUICK WHOOSHING SOUNDS

0:02:27 > 0:02:31Yep, nobody keeps a tidier town than old Sheriff Speck.

0:02:31 > 0:02:33HORSE NEIGHS

0:02:33 > 0:02:37Ah, howdy-doody, Mr Martin. Looking pretty neat today.

0:02:37 > 0:02:39Ah, why, thank you, Sheriff.

0:02:39 > 0:02:42You're, er, not going to wear those dirty boots

0:02:42 > 0:02:45on my nice, clean road now, are you?

0:02:45 > 0:02:48- Oh, certainly not, Sheriff.- OK!

0:02:51 > 0:02:55Oh, howdy-doody, Mrs Rudy and baby Judy.

0:02:55 > 0:03:00- Have you cleaned your daughter's teeth today?- Just about to, Sheriff.

0:03:00 > 0:03:02SQUEAKING

0:03:02 > 0:03:03OK!

0:03:07 > 0:03:09Home, neat home...

0:03:09 > 0:03:11Ooh!

0:03:11 > 0:03:13SQUEAK

0:03:13 > 0:03:15That's better.

0:03:15 > 0:03:18What do I always say, Hank?

0:03:18 > 0:03:20If you want to keep your townsfolk beaming...

0:03:20 > 0:03:22That you're a dumbo and you're dreaming?

0:03:22 > 0:03:25Yeah, you're a dumbo and you're... Wait, no!

0:03:25 > 0:03:27If you want to keep your townsfolk beaming,

0:03:27 > 0:03:29you've got to do some cleaning. It's the law.

0:03:29 > 0:03:32- Hmm. - To keep this town nice and tidy,

0:03:32 > 0:03:35you've got to keep your broom nice and close.

0:03:35 > 0:03:37You never know when you're going to...

0:03:37 > 0:03:38DRAMATIC MUSIC

0:03:38 > 0:03:40# Ya-ya-ya-ya! #

0:03:40 > 0:03:43Leaf!

0:03:43 > 0:03:45Agh!

0:03:49 > 0:03:51GUN COCKING

0:03:51 > 0:03:53GUNSHOT RICOCHETS

0:03:54 > 0:03:57- Oh, well done.- Oh, oh, thank you.

0:03:57 > 0:04:01Just doing my job as the fastest broom in the West.

0:04:01 > 0:04:04- THEY WHOOP AND APPLAUD - Oh, ho-ho!

0:04:04 > 0:04:07Of course, what the sheriff didn't know was that his day

0:04:07 > 0:04:11was about to get messier than a monkey's birthday party.

0:04:12 > 0:04:14HE LAUGHS EVILLY

0:04:17 > 0:04:20Well, Heffalump, Daddy's got a score to settle

0:04:20 > 0:04:24with an old friend who likes things clean and tidy.

0:04:24 > 0:04:30And what do we say to people who like things clean and tidy, hmm?

0:04:30 > 0:04:34HORSE NEIGHS, BLOWS RASPBERRY

0:04:34 > 0:04:36Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

0:04:37 > 0:04:39Ha-ha-ha!

0:04:39 > 0:04:44Tell us again, Sheriff, how you got to be the fastest broom in the West.

0:04:44 > 0:04:47Yeah, cos I only heard it about 500 times!

0:04:47 > 0:04:50Well, folks, Neatville hasn't always been neat.

0:04:50 > 0:04:55A long time ago, this town was run by a mean, dirty sheriff

0:04:55 > 0:04:58by the name of...Dusty Spade.

0:04:58 > 0:05:01Yeah, run this town into the ground.

0:05:01 > 0:05:05Some people say the folks didn't shampoo AND condition!

0:05:05 > 0:05:07GASPING, SCREAMING, NEIGHING

0:05:07 > 0:05:11And then, a young cowboy rode into town

0:05:11 > 0:05:14by the name of...yours truly.

0:05:14 > 0:05:18- That's a funny sort of name, isn't it?- He's talking about himself.

0:05:18 > 0:05:22- Yours truly!- Oh, right.

0:05:22 > 0:05:24Who's Trudy?

0:05:24 > 0:05:26SLAP! Ooh!

0:05:26 > 0:05:29Well, I stood up to Dusty Spade, won that sheriff badge

0:05:29 > 0:05:32and literally cleaned up.

0:05:32 > 0:05:34What happened to Spade?

0:05:36 > 0:05:40Dusty Spade was banished, never to return.

0:05:40 > 0:05:41Until now!

0:05:43 > 0:05:44HE GASPS

0:05:50 > 0:05:51Ooh!

0:05:55 > 0:05:56GASPING

0:05:59 > 0:06:00FURTHER GASPING

0:06:04 > 0:06:07- GASPING, SCREAMING - # Ay-yah-yah! #

0:06:14 > 0:06:20If it ain't neaty-neaty, squeaky-squeaky,

0:06:20 > 0:06:23Sheriff Samuel Speck!

0:06:25 > 0:06:26HE SPITS

0:06:26 > 0:06:28THUD!

0:06:28 > 0:06:30Or should I say...

0:06:30 > 0:06:32Stinky Sammy?

0:06:33 > 0:06:35All right, slow down there now, Spade.

0:06:35 > 0:06:39We're not at school now. Those things don't upset me any more.

0:06:39 > 0:06:44Stinky Sammy! Stinky Sammy!

0:06:44 > 0:06:49Stinky Sammy, Stinky Sammy, Stinky Sammy, Stinky Sam...

0:06:49 > 0:06:51I was lactose intolerant!

0:06:52 > 0:06:56Well, I guess I'm sheriff intolerant.

0:06:56 > 0:06:59You got something you want to say?

0:06:59 > 0:07:01I guess I have.

0:07:01 > 0:07:03I guess you have.

0:07:03 > 0:07:05I guess I'd better tell ya!

0:07:05 > 0:07:07I guess you should!

0:07:07 > 0:07:09Maybe I'll just do that!

0:07:09 > 0:07:11Maybe you will.

0:07:12 > 0:07:17I'm here to take back the sheriff's job, Stinky Pops.

0:07:17 > 0:07:19And I challenge you

0:07:19 > 0:07:22to a High Broom!

0:07:22 > 0:07:24BELL TOLLS

0:07:24 > 0:07:25Isn't that right, Heffalump?

0:07:25 > 0:07:28HORSE NEIGHS, BLOWS RASPBERRY

0:07:28 > 0:07:30ALL GASP

0:07:31 > 0:07:33BELL TOLLS

0:07:33 > 0:07:37Rules of a High Broom.

0:07:37 > 0:07:40At the count of ten, you may deploy your brooms.

0:07:40 > 0:07:44No cheating, no twitching

0:07:44 > 0:07:48and absolutely no dressing up as a Shetland pony to avoid taking part.

0:07:49 > 0:07:51SPADE CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:07:51 > 0:07:54I'm right in thinking that I'm entitled to inspect

0:07:54 > 0:07:56the Sheriff's weapon?

0:08:10 > 0:08:11Hey, Sheriff.

0:08:11 > 0:08:14SAWING NOISE What do you suppose he's doing?

0:08:14 > 0:08:17Why, probably just giving it a good wipe.

0:08:17 > 0:08:19Yep, looks good to me.

0:08:24 > 0:08:27Best of luck, gentlemen.

0:08:27 > 0:08:29May the neatest man win.

0:08:29 > 0:08:31One...

0:08:31 > 0:08:32two...

0:08:34 > 0:08:36..three...four...

0:08:39 > 0:08:41..five... BOTH GRUNT

0:08:41 > 0:08:42..six...

0:08:44 > 0:08:46..seven....

0:08:46 > 0:08:47BEEPING

0:08:47 > 0:08:49Huh?

0:08:50 > 0:08:53Grrr, press play!

0:08:53 > 0:08:55Press play! CROWD BOOS

0:08:55 > 0:08:57BEEP

0:08:58 > 0:09:00..eight...

0:09:00 > 0:09:03nine...

0:09:03 > 0:09:04ten!

0:09:04 > 0:09:06SNAP!

0:09:06 > 0:09:07THEY GASP

0:09:07 > 0:09:08Knickers!

0:09:08 > 0:09:10HE LAUGHS

0:09:10 > 0:09:12- GUNSHOT - Argggghhhh!

0:09:14 > 0:09:16HORSE NEIGHS

0:09:16 > 0:09:20I declare the new sheriff is...

0:09:20 > 0:09:21Dusty Spade.

0:09:21 > 0:09:23Get in!

0:09:24 > 0:09:28And so, Sheriff Speck was cast out,

0:09:28 > 0:09:33like a bad pistachio or a chip with a slightly green bit on it.

0:09:33 > 0:09:36Eventually, the outcast sheriff took refuge in the big city

0:09:36 > 0:09:40in the home of his old friend, the eccentric inventor Archibald Hatch.

0:09:40 > 0:09:43Well, yes, you certainly are in a sticky old pickled wicket,

0:09:43 > 0:09:46old chap, aren't you? I'm not sure what to suggest, really.

0:09:46 > 0:09:48Come on, Archie, I'm desperate.

0:09:48 > 0:09:52You've got to have something to help me defeat that mean old Dusty Spade.

0:09:52 > 0:09:55There may be one thing, but it's top secret.

0:09:55 > 0:09:58Even more secret than...

0:09:58 > 0:10:00the Queen's Quango!

0:10:06 > 0:10:08HE GASPS

0:10:08 > 0:10:11Oh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!

0:10:11 > 0:10:13HE CHUCKLES

0:10:15 > 0:10:18Meanwhile, with Dusty Spade as Sheriff,

0:10:18 > 0:10:20things in Neatville were getting messier

0:10:20 > 0:10:22than a baby eating yoghurt with a fork.

0:10:25 > 0:10:27CHUCKLING

0:10:27 > 0:10:29Yeah! More horsey plop.

0:10:29 > 0:10:31Yee-hah!

0:10:31 > 0:10:33More!

0:10:35 > 0:10:37Oh...

0:10:37 > 0:10:39CHUCKLING

0:10:39 > 0:10:41That'll teach you to have a wash, Mr Martin!

0:10:41 > 0:10:44You know the rules.

0:10:44 > 0:10:47No cleaning, no washing,

0:10:47 > 0:10:50and lots and lots of horsey honk.

0:10:50 > 0:10:52HE CHUCKLES

0:10:52 > 0:10:54What are you lot staring at?!

0:10:57 > 0:10:59Get back to work!

0:10:59 > 0:11:00And that's an order!

0:11:00 > 0:11:03I'm the sheriff round here.

0:11:03 > 0:11:06Not if I can help it, Spade!

0:11:10 > 0:11:13Well, if it ain't the human soap dish!

0:11:13 > 0:11:16It seems to me that folk round here

0:11:16 > 0:11:18ain't too happy with their new sheriff.

0:11:18 > 0:11:22So, I challenge you...

0:11:22 > 0:11:24to a high broom.

0:11:24 > 0:11:26Ay-ay-ay-ah!

0:11:27 > 0:11:29BELL TOLLS

0:11:29 > 0:11:34OK, gentlemen. This is the ultimate high broom.

0:11:34 > 0:11:37The winner will become sheriff

0:11:37 > 0:11:39until the day they die.

0:11:39 > 0:11:42And the loser...

0:11:42 > 0:11:44has to eat this brick.

0:11:46 > 0:11:49I hope you like the taste of cement.

0:11:49 > 0:11:51Yeah?

0:11:51 > 0:11:53Well, I hope you like the taste of beef.

0:11:55 > 0:11:57One...

0:11:57 > 0:11:59two...

0:11:59 > 0:12:01three...

0:12:01 > 0:12:03four...

0:12:03 > 0:12:04five...

0:12:04 > 0:12:06six...

0:12:06 > 0:12:07seven...

0:12:07 > 0:12:10Don't even think about it.

0:12:11 > 0:12:12..eight...

0:12:12 > 0:12:14nine...

0:12:14 > 0:12:16ten!

0:12:19 > 0:12:23Is-is-is that a Sweepermatic 4,000?!

0:12:23 > 0:12:24Certainly is.

0:12:24 > 0:12:26Sweep and clean -

0:12:26 > 0:12:28keep 'em mean.

0:12:28 > 0:12:29Yeah?

0:12:29 > 0:12:33Well, I've got myself something new, as well.

0:12:35 > 0:12:37What is that?!

0:12:37 > 0:12:39It's the future of cleaning.

0:12:39 > 0:12:44It's what the fancy folk in the big city call...

0:12:44 > 0:12:45a mop.

0:12:46 > 0:12:48HORSE SNORTS

0:12:48 > 0:12:49A mop?

0:12:49 > 0:12:51It'll never catch on.

0:12:51 > 0:12:55And it's time for me to mop up around here.

0:12:56 > 0:12:59Argh...!

0:13:01 > 0:13:03APPLAUSE

0:13:03 > 0:13:06CHEERING

0:13:17 > 0:13:18HORSE WHINNIES

0:13:20 > 0:13:21Well, Mr Spade,

0:13:21 > 0:13:24I guess you could say I cleaned up.

0:13:24 > 0:13:26Certainly did, Mr Speck.

0:13:26 > 0:13:29And I guess I just kicked the bucket.

0:13:29 > 0:13:31THEY LAUGH

0:13:31 > 0:13:33HORSE WHINNIES

0:13:33 > 0:13:37And remember, if you fine folks want to get hold of these,

0:13:37 > 0:13:40you can - just by calling that them there number

0:13:40 > 0:13:42at the bottom of your screen.

0:13:42 > 0:13:46At 39 shekels, it's a bargain!

0:13:46 > 0:13:48It's a mighty fine mop.

0:13:51 > 0:13:53SILENCE

0:13:59 > 0:14:02# Tell me, when will you be mine?

0:14:04 > 0:14:08# Tell me, quando, quando, quando?

0:14:10 > 0:14:12# We can share a love divine

0:14:14 > 0:14:19# Please don't make me wait again

0:14:20 > 0:14:23# When will you say yes to me?

0:14:26 > 0:14:30# Tell me, quando, quando, quando

0:14:31 > 0:14:34# You are happiness to me

0:14:37 > 0:14:40# Oh, my love, please tell me when. #

0:14:44 > 0:14:46Lights! Camera!

0:14:46 > 0:14:48Crackers! Baubles!

0:14:48 > 0:14:50Crackers! Nuts!

0:14:50 > 0:14:51Crackers! Satsumas! Cr...!

0:14:51 > 0:14:53CRACK!

0:14:53 > 0:14:54Thank you, Mother.

0:14:54 > 0:14:59Next up, it's the jingle-belting A Christmas Christmas Movie.

0:14:59 > 0:15:01CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS

0:15:03 > 0:15:07Will you cut that out? Oh, I hate Christmas!

0:15:07 > 0:15:10So, guys, what's your latest movie all about?

0:15:10 > 0:15:13- BOTH:- Christmas!

0:15:13 > 0:15:15I love it!

0:15:15 > 0:15:17And because it's Christmas, Larry,

0:15:17 > 0:15:20we thought we treat you to a premium premiere seat.

0:15:20 > 0:15:25- Wowsers!- It's got a built-in cup-holder, a massager...

0:15:25 > 0:15:27Best not pull...

0:15:27 > 0:15:30It's also got GPS...

0:15:30 > 0:15:34It's got a hairdryer, a full set of encyclopaedias

0:15:34 > 0:15:36and, best of all...

0:15:36 > 0:15:38- BOTH:- A TV!

0:15:38 > 0:15:42But, guys, now I can't even see the cinema screen.

0:15:44 > 0:15:46I REALLY love it!

0:15:47 > 0:15:49Mmm, sausage!

0:15:50 > 0:15:52It's starting, it starting!

0:15:52 > 0:15:55This movie had better be Christmassy, or else!

0:15:55 > 0:16:00Diddy Movies presents A Christmas Christmas Movie.

0:16:00 > 0:16:05In a secret corner of the North Pole lived two little elves.

0:16:05 > 0:16:06'Wake up!'

0:16:07 > 0:16:11THEY GROAN

0:16:11 > 0:16:15- Morning, Merry Elf! - Morning, Jolly Elf!

0:16:15 > 0:16:19And they both loved one thing more than anything else in the world.

0:16:19 > 0:16:21Look, Merry!

0:16:21 > 0:16:24Yes, it's the 24th...

0:16:24 > 0:16:27of June!

0:16:27 > 0:16:29Which means...

0:16:29 > 0:16:31It's nearly...

0:16:31 > 0:16:32BOTH: Christmas!

0:16:32 > 0:16:35- Christmas! Christmas! - Christmas! Christmas! Christmas!

0:16:35 > 0:16:38- Christmas! Christmas! - Christmas! Christmas! Christmas!

0:16:38 > 0:16:41- Christmas!- CHRISTMAS!!

0:16:41 > 0:16:44BOTH: We love Christmas!

0:16:44 > 0:16:46'Ho, ho, ho!'

0:16:46 > 0:16:49BOTH: # Stick the holly on your stocking

0:16:49 > 0:16:51# Decorate the tree with turkey mince pies

0:16:51 > 0:16:54# Who's the fairy on your Yule log?

0:16:54 > 0:16:57# Give the carol singer a big surprise. #

0:16:57 > 0:16:58SHE SCREAMS

0:16:58 > 0:17:00# Pull a cracker, pull a cracker

0:17:00 > 0:17:03# Pull a Christmas cracker then blow it up... #

0:17:03 > 0:17:04HE SCREAMS

0:17:04 > 0:17:07# Fill a sleigh with piles of...boiled sprouts? #

0:17:07 > 0:17:08- No!- Not sprouts!

0:17:08 > 0:17:10Never sprouts.

0:17:10 > 0:17:12We hate sprouts.

0:17:12 > 0:17:15# Sing a carol up the chimney

0:17:15 > 0:17:23# Honey roasted nuts in a TV game. #

0:17:23 > 0:17:28There's only 182 days till Christmas.

0:17:28 > 0:17:30- We'd better get to work.- Argh!

0:17:32 > 0:17:33Oh.

0:17:34 > 0:17:35Paper.

0:17:35 > 0:17:37- GUN CLICK - Sticky tape.

0:17:38 > 0:17:41- GUN CLICK - Funny little bow thing.

0:17:42 > 0:17:44Right, that's one done.

0:17:44 > 0:17:45Only seven billion more to go.

0:17:45 > 0:17:48ALARM BLARES

0:17:48 > 0:17:50It's him!

0:17:50 > 0:17:52He wants us!

0:17:53 > 0:17:57Oh, hello there, my little helpers.

0:17:57 > 0:17:58- BOTH:- Hi, Santa.

0:17:58 > 0:18:01How good of you to POP in.

0:18:01 > 0:18:03- Oh, pop! - BOTH LAUGH

0:18:06 > 0:18:10I've just been practising my new Father Christmas laugh.

0:18:10 > 0:18:12What do you think?

0:18:12 > 0:18:17HIGH PITCHED LAUGH

0:18:25 > 0:18:27No?

0:18:28 > 0:18:29Ah, Mother Christmas.

0:18:31 > 0:18:33Here you go, ho-ho, dear.

0:18:33 > 0:18:35Your mid-morning mince pie.

0:18:35 > 0:18:37Oh, wonderful, dear!

0:18:38 > 0:18:41Only 182 days to go, eh, boys?

0:18:41 > 0:18:43ALL LAUGH

0:18:43 > 0:18:48Now then, I expect you're wondering why I've called you here so urgently.

0:18:48 > 0:18:50Well, I'm...

0:18:50 > 0:18:52I'm cancelling Christmas.

0:18:52 > 0:18:54- Yeah, OK. - Probably for the best.

0:18:54 > 0:18:56- BOTH:- What?

0:18:56 > 0:18:58Well, I'm busy that day.

0:18:58 > 0:19:02You can't cancel Christmas! It's all we have!

0:19:03 > 0:19:07BOTH CRY

0:19:08 > 0:19:10Ho, ho, ho!

0:19:10 > 0:19:12Ho, ho, ho, ho!

0:19:12 > 0:19:14ELECTRICS FIZZ

0:19:14 > 0:19:18Santa...isn't Santa!

0:19:18 > 0:19:20He's a robot!

0:19:20 > 0:19:25ROBOTIC VOICE: All of Christmas shall be destroyed forever...

0:19:25 > 0:19:28but remember to be good.

0:19:28 > 0:19:30Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!

0:19:30 > 0:19:33Ho, ho, ho!

0:19:35 > 0:19:38BOTH SCREAM

0:19:40 > 0:19:42What are we going to do?

0:19:42 > 0:19:44How are we going to find the real Santa?

0:19:46 > 0:19:48- BOTH:- Rudolf!

0:19:48 > 0:19:50Good morning, Elves.

0:19:50 > 0:19:52And what a foot-tapping, nose-warming,

0:19:52 > 0:19:54tiddly-tid morning it is, too.

0:19:54 > 0:19:56Aw...

0:19:56 > 0:19:59Oh, you're my bestest friends in the whole wide world.

0:19:59 > 0:20:00- BOTH:- Aw...

0:20:00 > 0:20:03That means I'll always be there for you, come rain or shine.

0:20:03 > 0:20:05Aw...

0:20:05 > 0:20:08You can always rely on good old Rudolph to spread some sunshine,

0:20:08 > 0:20:12put on a smiley face, accentuate the amazingness,

0:20:12 > 0:20:15big up the brilliance, heighten...

0:20:15 > 0:20:17Urg...

0:20:19 > 0:20:22I always said vegetables were bad for you.

0:20:22 > 0:20:24No, he's a robot, too.

0:20:24 > 0:20:27Oh, and vegetables are very important for a healthy

0:20:27 > 0:20:29and balanced diet.

0:20:29 > 0:20:30HE BURPS

0:20:31 > 0:20:34"Made in the Kingdom of Grump."

0:20:35 > 0:20:37Well, if we are to save Christmas

0:20:37 > 0:20:39and find Santa then we must go there.

0:20:39 > 0:20:41We have to get to the bottom of this.

0:20:41 > 0:20:46I've got to the bottom of this, and that's where the USB port is.

0:20:46 > 0:20:50BOTH LAUGH

0:20:58 > 0:21:00The Kingdom of Grump is miles away.

0:21:00 > 0:21:04I know, let's build the best snowman ever to take us there.

0:21:04 > 0:21:07- We can so do that. - Yeah. I know, right?

0:21:07 > 0:21:10ROCK VERSION OF DECK THE HALLS PLAYS

0:21:28 > 0:21:30- BOTH:- Ah...

0:21:30 > 0:21:31Hey! All right, lads?

0:21:31 > 0:21:33Where was it? Kingdom of Grump?

0:21:33 > 0:21:35All right, let's get on with it.

0:21:35 > 0:21:37We can't stop here, not before 6.30 anyway.

0:21:37 > 0:21:40HE COUGHS

0:21:41 > 0:21:44Eh, no, you're all right. We'll catch the bus instead.

0:21:44 > 0:21:46Yeah, yeah. It wasn't that important anyway.

0:21:46 > 0:21:50Oh, it's all right. Don't worry. I've only crashed twice...today.

0:21:50 > 0:21:53Here we go! HE SCREAMS

0:21:54 > 0:21:57So, are we nearly there yet, Mr Snowman?

0:21:57 > 0:22:00I've got to be honest with you, lads. I've got no idea.

0:22:00 > 0:22:03That's the trouble with snow, you see, it all looks the same.

0:22:03 > 0:22:05Do you think I should have turned left at Siberia?

0:22:05 > 0:22:07BOTH SCREAM

0:22:09 > 0:22:10Blimey!

0:22:10 > 0:22:13Watch where you're flying, mate! Budget airlines.

0:22:13 > 0:22:17# Frosty the snowman had a splendid lah-dee-dah... #

0:22:17 > 0:22:19I never remember the words to this.

0:22:19 > 0:22:21I tell you what, I'll do a bit of Coldplay.

0:22:21 > 0:22:23Ha-ha! Coldplay! Do you get it?

0:22:23 > 0:22:26# Look at that snow and it was all yellow... #

0:22:27 > 0:22:30Yeah, sorry about the slight diversion, lads,

0:22:30 > 0:22:33but if someone had given me proper eyes in the first place!

0:22:33 > 0:22:37Snowman, what is the Kingdom of Grump?

0:22:38 > 0:22:40It's a land where Christmas never comes.

0:22:42 > 0:22:44Well, be lucky. Tah-dah.

0:22:49 > 0:22:51This place is awful!

0:22:51 > 0:22:56This is the future unless we save Christmas by tonight.

0:22:58 > 0:22:59Oh!

0:23:02 > 0:23:04- BOTH:- Santa!

0:23:06 > 0:23:09TOY: You're my best friends. I love...

0:23:09 > 0:23:11Santa!

0:23:11 > 0:23:15It's us! We've come to save you...and Christmas.

0:23:15 > 0:23:19What is this Christmas?

0:23:19 > 0:23:25- BOTH:- Nooooo...!

0:23:25 > 0:23:27Took us ages to write this bit.

0:23:27 > 0:23:29The O key was jammed on my laptop.

0:23:31 > 0:23:34..ooooo!

0:23:34 > 0:23:36Hello, boys.

0:23:37 > 0:23:39Mother Christmas and...

0:23:39 > 0:23:40TURKEY GOBBLES

0:23:40 > 0:23:42Ew!

0:23:42 > 0:23:44- BOTH:- Nooo..!

0:23:44 > 0:23:46- Oh, shut up! - Yes.

0:23:46 > 0:23:50So, you've found where I've hidden the real Santa.

0:23:50 > 0:23:53Well, you're too late.

0:23:53 > 0:23:56He's not interested in delivering presents anymore.

0:23:56 > 0:23:58He only wants to destroy them!

0:23:58 > 0:24:00CRUNCH

0:24:00 > 0:24:03For years I've been forced to listen to you lot

0:24:03 > 0:24:06go on about Christmas all the time!

0:24:06 > 0:24:09The marzipan, the trimmings, the nuts.

0:24:09 > 0:24:12Well, I'm sick of it.

0:24:12 > 0:24:13TURKEY GOBBLES

0:24:13 > 0:24:16I wanted to be a ballet dancer.

0:24:19 > 0:24:22- Really? - No!

0:24:22 > 0:24:25But I'm going to make sure Christmas never happens again

0:24:25 > 0:24:28and you won't stop me.

0:24:28 > 0:24:31You boys just relax.

0:24:31 > 0:24:33Veg out.

0:24:33 > 0:24:34SHE LAUGHS

0:24:34 > 0:24:37Hench turkey, release the sprouts.

0:24:43 > 0:24:46- BOTH:- Sprouts!

0:24:47 > 0:24:49Santa, help us!

0:24:49 > 0:24:51What is Santa?

0:24:52 > 0:24:53HE SCREAMS

0:24:53 > 0:24:54We're finished.

0:24:54 > 0:24:59Right, you hairy chimney kisser, I've had enough.

0:24:59 > 0:25:01There are kids all over the world waiting for their presents,

0:25:01 > 0:25:05so snap out of it, fluffy cuffs!

0:25:08 > 0:25:09Oh!

0:25:09 > 0:25:11Do that again.

0:25:14 > 0:25:17Feed me shed-loads of sprouts.

0:25:25 > 0:25:28Wait a minute. Yes, I remember.

0:25:28 > 0:25:30I'm Santa!

0:25:30 > 0:25:33- BOTH:- Yeah!

0:25:33 > 0:25:36Shuffle back, boys. Shuffle back.

0:25:36 > 0:25:39I'm going to blow this place. Oh...

0:25:41 > 0:25:44HE GROANS

0:25:44 > 0:25:47HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY

0:25:49 > 0:25:53Oh...

0:25:53 > 0:25:55What?!

0:25:55 > 0:25:56Hench turkey, attack!

0:25:56 > 0:25:59TURKEY GOBBLES

0:25:59 > 0:26:02You're stuffed now, MC.

0:26:02 > 0:26:04Time to wrap this up!

0:26:05 > 0:26:08Oh...

0:26:08 > 0:26:11SHE SCREAMS GUN CLICKS

0:26:13 > 0:26:14HE LAUGHS

0:26:14 > 0:26:21I guess you could call her a clear and PRESENT danger.

0:26:23 > 0:26:27And, so, with naughty Mother Christmas trussed up like a turkey

0:26:27 > 0:26:30and the presents carefully wrapped, the great Christmas delivery began.

0:26:30 > 0:26:32Hyah! Hyah!

0:26:32 > 0:26:35ALL SCREAM

0:26:38 > 0:26:41ALL LAUGH

0:26:41 > 0:26:45Everything worked out all Christmassy and lovely.

0:26:45 > 0:26:51Yes. Isn't it all festive and Christmassy and simply perfect?

0:26:51 > 0:26:54Everything couldn't be more swell.

0:26:54 > 0:26:59All warm and cosy and very Christmassy.

0:27:00 > 0:27:03- ALL:- Merry Christmas, one and all!

0:27:11 > 0:27:15So, Gary, what do you think?

0:27:18 > 0:27:20What about you lot? What did you think?

0:27:26 > 0:27:30ALL SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER

0:27:36 > 0:27:43ALL SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER

0:27:43 > 0:27:44Ooh, I'm outraged!

0:27:45 > 0:27:47I'm ruined.

0:27:47 > 0:27:49I'm ruined, I tell you.

0:27:49 > 0:27:51Don't worry, Mr Weinsteinberger,

0:27:51 > 0:27:53we've got a new idea for a movie.

0:27:53 > 0:27:56Yes. This one's got...

0:27:56 > 0:27:59evil Wi-Fi.

0:27:59 > 0:28:04'Dumb, stupid, ignorant...

0:28:04 > 0:28:06'ignoramuses.' I love it!

0:28:06 > 0:28:08Here's the money!

0:28:08 > 0:28:10CHEERING