0:00:02 > 0:00:04Lights! Camera! Action!
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# We're Diddy Dick and Dom and we're so excited
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# Our showbiz careers have been reignited
0:00:11 > 0:00:15# We made it onto the silver screen with our Diddy Movies
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# You're living the dream
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# We were down on our luck We were burnt-out stars
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# Flipping burgers and washing cars
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# As we wave goodbye to all our cares
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# Hello to Hollywood premieres
0:00:29 > 0:00:33# This time next year you'll be millionaires
0:00:33 > 0:00:37# Go, Diddy Movies, yeah! #
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Diddy Movie premiere
0:00:41 > 0:00:43you've all been waiting for.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45And we are sorry about the wait.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49Delays on the line due to a very, very naughty badger.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53This movie is the most horrific movie to ever horribly horrify you -
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Zombie Grannies!
0:00:56 > 0:00:57Buy.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Sell.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Buy, buy. Sell.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Just saying goodbye to Sell.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- Oh. - So, who'd have thought you two guys
0:01:06 > 0:01:08would make a horror movie?
0:01:08 > 0:01:09- A horror movie?- Yeah.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12We thought you said, "Make a horrible movie."
0:01:12 > 0:01:14What?!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17No, no, no, don't worry. It is a really horrible movie.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Oh, yes, it's atrocious.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23- Especially the acting. Zombie pretzel?- Agh!
0:01:26 > 0:01:30Are you hungry? Do you want some food? Of course you do!
0:01:30 > 0:01:34So come and get your food in the foyer right now.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Come on, come and get your food. Don't hold back. Come and get it.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42What's wrong with you all? Why don't you want any food?
0:01:42 > 0:01:45I've spent all day making this food. There's flippin' tons of it.
0:01:45 > 0:01:50Fine! Suit yourselves. I'll have all the food. Mmm-mmm-mmm.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54Food, food, food, food, food...
0:01:54 > 0:01:55Food.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58- Apple sauce?- I'm fine, thanks.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00HE BURPS
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Oh, look! It's starting. It's starting!
0:02:03 > 0:02:05'Diddy Movies presents...'
0:02:13 > 0:02:17Oh, Alf, I'm so old I can barely walk.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20I'm so old I can barely stand.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Well, I'm so old, I can't even stand... Oh!
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Well, I'm so old I can't see.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30CRASH!
0:02:31 > 0:02:36- Sorry! I'm so old I can't even hear you.- Shut up!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Get off!
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Ooh! Shut up!
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Get off!
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Ohh! Shut up!
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Oh! Get off!
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- Ooh!- Oh, you must be our new residents.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53THEY GROAN
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Don't worry, you'll be properly looked after here
0:02:56 > 0:03:00at Pasture Best Retirement Community. I'm Wendy,
0:03:00 > 0:03:04and my motto is, I'm happy to be here being happy to help while I'm here.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07And happy. While I'm helping!
0:03:07 > 0:03:08That's a rubbish motto.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Well, why don't you both come in?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13HE COUGHS
0:03:13 > 0:03:16I would, love, but I've got a gammy leg.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- Can you take my bag?- Yes, of course.
0:03:19 > 0:03:24Here! What about my bag?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27HE STRAINS
0:03:27 > 0:03:29CLUNK!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31WENDY YELLS, THEY CHUCKLE
0:03:31 > 0:03:35I tell you what, Sid, this is going to be the life.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Having your dinner cooked for you, your clothes washed for you
0:03:39 > 0:03:41and your bottom wiped for you.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- But you can wipe your own bottom. - She doesn't know that.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47THEY CHUCKLE
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Come on.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51CRUNCH!
0:03:51 > 0:03:53CRUNCH! CRUNCH!
0:03:53 > 0:03:54CRUNCH!
0:03:54 > 0:03:57CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CRUNCH!
0:03:57 > 0:04:01DOOR SLAMS SHUT
0:04:01 > 0:04:03There you go, Wilf, a nice cup of tea for you.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06And you've got your extra blanket, Maureen.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08HE COUGHS
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Can I have an extra blanket, please, love?
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I haven't got any more.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Maybe I can get some from the internet.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Well, we can't, can we?
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- We have gammy eyes.- Ohh.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23THEY CHUCKLE
0:04:23 > 0:04:28Oh, Madge! Are these your teeth?
0:04:28 > 0:04:32Honestly, you'd lose your own head if it wasn't glued to your head.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36SINISTER MUSIC PLAYS
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Oh, hang on, here comes another one.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46My name's Maureen.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50We were wondering if we could change the channel on the television.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51- No!- Get lost!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54It's just we do rather prefer watching Countdown.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58- We want to watch Tough Cops.- Aye! We love Tough Cops.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00THEME MUSIC PLAYS
0:05:00 > 0:05:02# Tough cops... #
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Can't we just watch Countdown?
0:05:04 > 0:05:08- No! Tough Cops.- Countdown! - BOTH: Cops!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10ARGUMENT CONTINUES
0:05:10 > 0:05:13MUFFLED CHUCKLING
0:05:14 > 0:05:17SMASH!
0:05:17 > 0:05:19CRASH!
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Well, if you didn't like Tough Cops, you could have just said so.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24CRANKING
0:05:33 > 0:05:35ALL: Wa-a-a-agh!
0:05:35 > 0:05:37AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:05:37 > 0:05:39She's been turned into a zombie.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41It's scary, OK?
0:05:41 > 0:05:43ALL: Agh!
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Ooh, give us a kiss! Haven't you grown?
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Give us a kiss!
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Madge, what's happened to you?
0:05:51 > 0:05:52CRANKING
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Madge?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Ooh, haven't you grown?
0:05:57 > 0:06:01- Give us a kiss!- Madge! - Give us a kiss!- Madge!
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Oh, haven't you grown!
0:06:06 > 0:06:08SQUEAKY KISS
0:06:08 > 0:06:10POP!
0:06:10 > 0:06:12CREAKING
0:06:12 > 0:06:15- CRASH! - Wilf, no!
0:06:15 > 0:06:17CRANKING
0:06:17 > 0:06:19THEY ALL SCREAM
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I need to tell you both something.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26My name is not really Maureen Mildew.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30It's Brenda Bison, ex-Special Forces.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- What do you want, a medal?- No.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35I already got plenty.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Come on, people, let's move it.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Come on! Move it, move it!
0:06:41 > 0:06:45Ooh, haven't you grown?
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Go, go, go, go!
0:06:52 > 0:06:54So what happened in there?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57My best guess is a genetically engineered virus
0:06:57 > 0:06:59is turning people into zombies
0:06:59 > 0:07:03via a synthetically mututated amino acid transmitted
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- by a pair of dental replicants. - And that's bad, is it?
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Ah, just a second, just a second.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11No. No idea.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Everyone's turning into zombies.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17We don't have much time. A virus can be airborne in minutes.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21- Wait. How do you know so much about this?- I have to level with you.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25My name isn't really Brenda Bison.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27It's Rita Rumpanov,
0:07:27 > 0:07:29ex-KGB chemical weapons expert.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33We need to go to manager's office to raise the alarm.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35I'll check the escape route. You search for weapons.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Oh, no, no. No can do, love. Not with these bunions.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41SHE RETCHES
0:07:43 > 0:07:47Sorry, I'm not going anywhere till I've had a little rest
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- and a shiatsu massage.- Alf!
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Oh, aye, that's nice. Lovely.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Right on my gammy tricep. Oh. Oh. Oh, no.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Oh! Oh, no! Oh!
0:07:59 > 0:08:01HE PANTS
0:08:01 > 0:08:03I thought you couldn't move?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Oh, must have been a miracle.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Right, you heard her...
0:08:08 > 0:08:09whoever she is.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14- We need weapons. Search these shelves for supplies.- Supplies?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16CYMBALS CRASH
0:08:16 > 0:08:17Surprise!
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Humbugs!
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Bingo balls.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Teapot.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27A canteen of cutlery.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30His'n'hers fondues.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33An electric cat.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36A make-your-own-chickenpox set.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Two weeks in a bath.
0:08:39 > 0:08:4124-carat carrots.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43APPLAUSE
0:08:43 > 0:08:46I wouldn't mind, but I'm really old.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Right, soldiers,
0:08:49 > 0:08:51it's time.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Watch your backs in there.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Oh, I know. Mine's really playing up.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Go! Go, go!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- Eh?- Go!
0:09:00 > 0:09:03- Go, go, go!- Go!
0:09:03 > 0:09:06ALL: Go, go, go, go!
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Haven't you grown?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Ooh, give us a kiss.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12What do I do? What do I do?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14- Use the grenades.- Right.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18WHIZZING
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Ooh, humbugs! Yum, yum, yum.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Come to Grandad.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24No!
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Not the sloppy Grandad kiss!
0:09:26 > 0:09:30- Use the launcher.- Right!
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Oo-oo-ooh!
0:09:35 > 0:09:41- Go, go!- Go, go!- Go, go! - Wendy, we need you.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43CRANKING
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Give a kiss!
0:09:48 > 0:09:52THEY ALL WAIL
0:09:52 > 0:09:56There's an awful lot of screaming in this film.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59HE SCREAMS LOUDLY
0:09:59 > 0:10:01HE SCREAMS LOUDLY
0:10:01 > 0:10:03BOTH SCREAM
0:10:03 > 0:10:05< Shut up!
0:10:05 > 0:10:06Sorry.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10SQUEAKY KISS
0:10:11 > 0:10:13POP!
0:10:14 > 0:10:18SQUEAKY KISS
0:10:18 > 0:10:20POP!
0:10:20 > 0:10:22I don't have much time.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26You see, my name isn't really Rita Rumpanov.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28It's Chad.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Chad Hamilton, ex-SAS.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33I may be done for, chaps,
0:10:33 > 0:10:36but you can escape while there's still time.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Climb out of the window of the TV lounge.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41I don't think that's possible, Chad,
0:10:41 > 0:10:45because my name isn't really Sidney Frostwarning.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49It's Claud Le Roc, international jewel thief.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53And my name isn't really Alfie Sideboard.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59It's Tony Finch, fruit-seller to the rich and famous.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Really?
0:11:01 > 0:11:05BOTH: No, only joking.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Listen, just because you're old
0:11:07 > 0:11:11doesn't mean you can't do this.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14CRASH!
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Oh, if only Maureen hadn't been kissed.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Oh, yeah. If only she hadn't become a...
0:11:20 > 0:11:23BOTH: ..zombie!
0:11:23 > 0:11:27THEY SCREAM
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Give us a kiss!
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Oh... Oh!
0:11:31 > 0:11:35- It's bingo time!- Ooh!
0:11:35 > 0:11:36Eyes down for a full house.
0:11:36 > 0:11:392 and 3, 23!
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Ooh!
0:11:41 > 0:11:45- 2 fat squirrels, 96!- Ooh!
0:11:45 > 0:11:49All the 12s, 12-12!
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Ooh! House!
0:11:51 > 0:11:52SQUELCH!
0:11:52 > 0:11:53THEY CHUCKLE
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Oh...
0:11:56 > 0:12:00We've made it. All we have to do is get through the window
0:12:00 > 0:12:01- and we're safe.- Ah!
0:12:01 > 0:12:05- Oh, it's a bit nippy out there, Sid.- It is.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07We'll end up catching pneumonia at our age.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Ooh, give us a kiss!
0:12:09 > 0:12:12What are we going to do?
0:12:14 > 0:12:16ALL: Give us a kiss!
0:12:16 > 0:12:19BOTH: Give us a kiss!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21SQUEAKY KISS
0:12:21 > 0:12:23POP!
0:12:23 > 0:12:26# Life's not bad when you're already dead
0:12:26 > 0:12:30# Life's not bad when you're already dead
0:12:30 > 0:12:34# Life's not bad when you're already dead
0:12:34 > 0:12:38# The telly's so much better now my eyes are bright red
0:12:38 > 0:12:41# Life's not bad when you're already dead
0:12:41 > 0:12:44# You can drink two cuppas by rotating your head... #
0:12:44 > 0:12:46SLURP!
0:12:46 > 0:12:50# Yes, life's not bad when you're already dead
0:12:50 > 0:12:55# So stop being old and be a zombie instead... #
0:12:58 > 0:13:01THEY ALL LAUGH
0:13:05 > 0:13:07SILENCE
0:13:07 > 0:13:09PROJECTOR RATTLES
0:13:12 > 0:13:15# You won't admit you love me
0:13:15 > 0:13:18# And so
0:13:18 > 0:13:21# How am I ever to know?
0:13:21 > 0:13:25# You always tell me
0:13:25 > 0:13:29# Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
0:13:31 > 0:13:34# If you can't make your mind up
0:13:34 > 0:13:38# We'll never get started
0:13:39 > 0:13:42# And I don't want to wind up
0:13:42 > 0:13:45# Being parted
0:13:45 > 0:13:48# Brokenhearted
0:13:48 > 0:13:51# So if you really love me
0:13:51 > 0:13:53# Say yes
0:13:53 > 0:13:56# But if you don't, dear
0:13:56 > 0:14:01# Confess and please don't tell me
0:14:01 > 0:14:05# Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. #
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Hmm.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11And now it's time for another Diddy Movie premiere.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15We're heading to mean streets of New York city
0:14:15 > 0:14:17so pack up your pastrami,
0:14:17 > 0:14:20belt up your bagel and crank up your cop car -
0:14:20 > 0:14:24it's time for Krakowski And Da Pooch.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Nice doggie.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29SNARLING AND SCREAMING
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Oh, you're going to love this one, Larry.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33It's a no-holds-barred cop movie!
0:14:33 > 0:14:38- Car chases!- Explosions! - Talking dogs!- What?- Nothing.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42This is the one, boys, I can smell it.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- Sorry, yeah...that was me.- Oof...
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Everyone says our films are a crime,
0:14:46 > 0:14:49but this one's actually supposed to be!
0:14:49 > 0:14:53Strap yourself in, Larry, for a daylight robbery!
0:14:53 > 0:14:55And this time we might just get away with it.
0:14:55 > 0:15:00You two! Sit still! Shut up before I have you both arrested.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Are you looking for four shiny new tyres for your car?
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Then what are you doing here?! This is a cinema, not a garage!
0:15:23 > 0:15:25It's starting!
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- Do you mind?!- Sorry, Krakowski.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Something we did back in the old country.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Look! It's Ratface!
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
0:15:48 > 0:15:50- Sorry. It's how we did it...- It's how you did it in the old country.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Yeah, I know. Come on, let's get 'em.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Squirty squirt.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40- Hey! What's up with you? - Put it on my tab, baby-cakes!
0:16:40 > 0:16:44You ain't got no tab! You're a maverick cop, Krakowski!
0:16:50 > 0:16:54- The game's up, Ratface.- Ah, you'll never take me alive, copper.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Who said anything about alive?
0:16:57 > 0:16:58He's getting away!
0:17:00 > 0:17:01Be careful, O'Malley!
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Aaaah!
0:17:05 > 0:17:12Nooooo!
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Aah, so long, copper.
0:17:23 > 0:17:28- O'Malley! - It's no use, Krakowski. I'm a goner.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- Don't talk like that, O'Malley. - I'm an Irish cop, Krakowski!
0:17:32 > 0:17:35I have to talk like that.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38I can see the rolling hills of my homeland calling me home.
0:17:40 > 0:17:45Fields full of shamrock and a fire full of turf.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49I'm weak... So weak.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54- Have you ever actually been to Ireland?- No.- Oh.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58I'm heading to the end of the rainbow.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02But before I go, I have to do just one...
0:18:02 > 0:18:04last...
0:18:04 > 0:18:05thing.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Anything, buddy.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- What's going on? - Everyone loves Irish dancing, Larry!
0:18:18 > 0:18:20You lot love it, don't you, guys?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22ALL: Yeah!
0:18:28 > 0:18:35Noooooo!
0:18:35 > 0:18:40Can it, Krakowski! That's the eighth partner you did lost this week.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41And it's only Tuesday!
0:18:41 > 0:18:44Sorry, Sergeant Leatherstrap.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45I'm a maverick.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Hm. You're a liability.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- Hey, you never drink those. - Can't stand the stuff.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55I got you a new partner, but you're going to take care of this one,
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- all right?- Woof!
0:18:59 > 0:19:02- Down boy! Down boy!- What is that?
0:19:02 > 0:19:05He's Da Pooch and he's your new partner.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07DA POOCH PEES
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Somebody get him housetrained!
0:19:12 > 0:19:13DA POOCH WHINES
0:19:13 > 0:19:17Hey, quit that! I got a tough guy image to maintain.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19And I don't hang around with no poodle!
0:19:19 > 0:19:20DA POOCH WHINES
0:19:24 > 0:19:28OK! Don't get in my way.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30And cut that out!
0:19:30 > 0:19:33SIRENS WAIL
0:19:36 > 0:19:38BABY CRIES
0:19:42 > 0:19:46No! Sit! Stay!
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Ah, like taking candy from a baby.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Oi! Oi!
0:20:00 > 0:20:03There's nowhere left to run now, Ratface!
0:20:05 > 0:20:07You cheapskates! That's the same alley!
0:20:07 > 0:20:10No, it's a completely different alley.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12They just look similar.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16- So why is O'Malley still under the boxes?- Er...
0:20:16 > 0:20:17DICK AND DOM: Coincidence.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22You're going down, Ratface!
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Aaaargh!
0:20:27 > 0:20:29And that's for killing my partner.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Oif! Oif! Oif! Oif!
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Oif! Oif! Oif! Oif! Oif! Oif! Oif!
0:20:35 > 0:20:36Oif!
0:20:36 > 0:20:37Hey, look at that dog!
0:20:37 > 0:20:40SIRENS WAIL
0:20:42 > 0:20:47- Hey, that dog's a hero!- Wait, no... - This'll make the front page.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51- Wait, no, but...- Out of the way, sir. I only want the dog.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59- Now that's what I'm talking about! - Look, I did all the hard work!
0:20:59 > 0:21:02I don't want to hear it, Krakowski.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04You should learn from this dog.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06DA POOCH BREAKS WIND
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Maybe not that. Come here, boy.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15A medal for courage? Hey! Where's my medal?
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Er, you've got to earn these.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Yeah, this dog is twice the man you are.
0:21:19 > 0:21:24Now, go out there and remind me why you're my best friend.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Bark! Bark!
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Hey! Come here!
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
0:21:36 > 0:21:37What's that?
0:21:37 > 0:21:41Whee!
0:21:41 > 0:21:42Oh!
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Oif!
0:21:44 > 0:21:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:52 > 0:21:54ALARM BELL RINGS
0:22:01 > 0:22:04I take great pleasure in rewarding Lieutenant Pooch
0:22:04 > 0:22:07the key to the dog-flap of the city.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08CHEERING
0:22:08 > 0:22:12What? Hang on! Hang on! You've gotta be kidding!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14He's only been on the force for a week!
0:22:14 > 0:22:15Rargh!
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Yeah, in which time he's caught a record number of lowlifes
0:22:18 > 0:22:21- and criminals single-handed. - Oif!
0:22:21 > 0:22:24I did all the hard work and he gets all the credit.
0:22:24 > 0:22:25CROWD BOOS
0:22:25 > 0:22:29OK! No, no, no, OK. Who are you going to believe?
0:22:29 > 0:22:32A cop that's got 20 years' experience on the streets?
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Or a...a dumb dog?
0:22:35 > 0:22:38CROWD CHANTS: Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch!
0:22:40 > 0:22:44The dumb dog...with the cutest little face in the world. That's right!
0:22:44 > 0:22:48Man, you got the cutest little face and I love ya!
0:22:48 > 0:22:49I've had enough of this!
0:22:49 > 0:22:52I don't want to be a partner with this pesky Pooch any more.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- Quite right, Krakowski. Yeah, you ain't partners no more.- Thank you.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00- He's your boss.- What?!
0:23:00 > 0:23:05Yep. I'm promoting him to captain. From now on, you report to him.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Yeah, you're going to look after him, too. You're taking him home with you.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11CROWD CHANTS: Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch!
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Da Pooch! Da Pooch! Da Pooch!
0:23:18 > 0:23:23Yeah, welcome to my apartment. Make yourself at...
0:23:25 > 0:23:27..home.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32SWITCHES TV ON
0:23:42 > 0:23:46- See? We promised you explosions. - That's half the budget right there.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58What? No! You, you, bad dog!
0:23:58 > 0:24:03I've had enough of this. I'm going to bed. You can sleep on the couch.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08- OK. Good night, then. - Yeah, good night.
0:24:17 > 0:24:23- You just spoke! You're not a dog! You're a man.- Oops.
0:24:23 > 0:24:28- Clever twist, eh, Larry?- You'd never guess that one in a million years.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31I guessed it in the first ten seconds, so did everybody else.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35- Well, of course he's a man! - Yeah! It's blinking obvious, man.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39- So you're telling me that you used to be a regular cop?- Yeah.
0:24:39 > 0:24:44It was really hard, all that running about, getting shouted at,
0:24:44 > 0:24:49- wearing a silly hat.- So you decided to dress up as a dog instead.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53Yeah, well, dogs have it easy. Nobody expects them to do anything.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57And if you do something wrong, then you just pull a cute face
0:24:57 > 0:24:58and you get away with it.
0:24:58 > 0:24:59Why, I oughta...
0:24:59 > 0:25:01DA POOCH WHIMPERS
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Aww, bless!
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Oh, I see what you mean.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09My name's not even Pooch, my real name's Simon.
0:25:09 > 0:25:10I used to feed you.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15- I combed your nits out of your armpits!- Be a pal...
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Yeah... Yeah...
0:25:20 > 0:25:24Hang on a minute. Hold the phone, wait a second.
0:25:24 > 0:25:29- I even scooped up your... - What can I say? It's a dog's life!
0:25:29 > 0:25:33Right, that's it! You can only push a maverick cop so far. I quit!
0:25:35 > 0:25:37DOGS BARKING OUTSIDE
0:25:37 > 0:25:39I got a better idea.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Oif! Oif!
0:25:46 > 0:25:52Make way for Barkowski and Da Pooch. Woof-woof-woof!
0:25:52 > 0:25:56- RADIO:- Calling all cars. Robbery in progress at 29th and Main.
0:25:56 > 0:25:57Anyone got a lead?
0:26:00 > 0:26:04This movie can't get any dumber.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06You underestimate us, Larry.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11There's the burglar.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16It's a cat burglar!
0:26:16 > 0:26:17Woof-woof!
0:26:17 > 0:26:19That's our kind of criminal. Come on.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Mew!
0:26:23 > 0:26:27- Woof! Woof! Oif! Woof!- Oif! Oif! - Woof! Oif!
0:26:29 > 0:26:30Come on!
0:26:36 > 0:26:39BOTH: Woof.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40Mew.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42SIRENS WAIL
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Yeah!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Well? What did you think?
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Oh, Larry, come on!
0:27:00 > 0:27:03You can't be upset with a couple of cute little puppies like us.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05THEY WHINE
0:27:05 > 0:27:09I'm through with you. I should rub your noses in this latest movie!
0:27:09 > 0:27:11What about you lot? What did you think?
0:27:18 > 0:27:21AUDIENCE BOOS AND SHOUTS
0:27:21 > 0:27:22Rubbish!
0:27:22 > 0:27:25I've waited 27 years for this!
0:27:32 > 0:27:34SHE SCREAMS
0:27:34 > 0:27:38Ooh, I'm outraged!
0:27:38 > 0:27:40You two are both in the doghouse.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Hang on, Larry. We've got an idea for another movie.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47It's about a tribal drummer who falls in love
0:27:47 > 0:27:52with a sweetie-eating cheerleader with hilarious consequences.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55It's a tom-tom pom-pom bom-bom romcom.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57LARRY: Stupid...
0:27:57 > 0:27:59ignorant...
0:27:59 > 0:28:01imbeciles
0:28:01 > 0:28:03ignoramuses!
0:28:04 > 0:28:06I love it! Here's the money!
0:28:06 > 0:28:08# Diddy Movies... Yeah! #