0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Larry Weinsteinberger, the Diddy Movies' boss
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# His last few films have flopped with catastrophic money loss
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# So he's ditching Diddy Movies for the thrill of television
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# The small screen is the future for those with any vision
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# With Larry's bottom dollar He's launched a TV station
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# Packed with creativity, style and innovation
0:00:20 > 0:00:26# Diddy TV! Diddy TV! Channel 6597423
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# A brand-new rival for the BBC
0:00:30 > 0:00:34# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV! #
0:00:34 > 0:00:36- ..presenter...- Who's the presenter? - ..presenter...
0:00:36 > 0:00:39- You be the presenter! - ..the presenter...
0:00:39 > 0:00:44Hello and welcome to That's What You Think,
0:00:44 > 0:00:45the show where you, the Diddy viewer,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48tell us what you think about our TV programmes.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Lovely, jubbly, top-notch telly, like this.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26Time for your views, whether they be praise or complaints...
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Complaints, always complaints. The happy ones never write in!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31..whether you love them or hate them...
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Hate! Always hate! Bunch of whiners. Wah-wah-wah! Boo-hoo-hoo!
0:01:34 > 0:01:36..we're always happy to hear form you.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39No, you're not. You said earlier that you'd rather go...
0:01:44 > 0:01:48- ...than do this show. - Will you shut up?!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Or we'll get complaints about the complaints!
0:01:51 > 0:01:53And then we'll be here all day.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Time for our first complaint...I mean opinion!
0:01:56 > 0:01:57No, complaint.
0:01:57 > 0:02:02Dear That's What You Think, why, oh, why, oh, why...
0:02:02 > 0:02:06is how you spell my name. My name is Mr Yoyoy
0:02:06 > 0:02:08and I would like to complain...
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Told you!
0:02:10 > 0:02:14...about the rude and disgusting shows on Diddy TV!
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Hmm, a viewer there who thinks that our shows contain moments
0:02:17 > 0:02:21that are rude and disgusting, but, BUT...is he right?
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Let's have a look at some of those rude and disgusting bits.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26APPLAUSE
0:02:26 > 0:02:31MUSIC PLAYS
0:02:31 > 0:02:39DOM BURPS IN TIME TO MUSIC
0:02:46 > 0:02:49- JUDGES:- Three...two...one.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05BELL RINGS
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Whoo-ee! Man, I just gots to try that again!
0:03:12 > 0:03:16On a cold, wet day,
0:03:16 > 0:03:22what could be better than a nice cup full of Diddy tomato ketchup?
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Mmm...tomato ketchup.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Mmm...ketchup.
0:03:37 > 0:03:43Ooh...tomato ketchup.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Mmm! Ketchup!
0:03:49 > 0:03:54Ooh! Tomato ketchup!
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Ooh...
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Ketchup!
0:03:59 > 0:04:00DICK BURPS
0:04:00 > 0:04:01It's lovely!
0:04:01 > 0:04:05DICK AND DOM LAUGH
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Well, I can safely say that there are moments on Diddy TV
0:04:08 > 0:04:09that are indeed rude...
0:04:09 > 0:04:11DICK AND DOM LAUGH
0:04:11 > 0:04:13..and disgusting!
0:04:13 > 0:04:16But, with my hand on my heart,
0:04:16 > 0:04:19we would like to say to those of you who are offended...
0:04:19 > 0:04:26DICK BLOWS A RASPBERRY
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Well, I think that's handled that complaint really well.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Right, bring on the next one.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Oh, no! Not him again! What's he moaning about this time?
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Dear That's What You Think,
0:04:37 > 0:04:42I've only got one word to describe what I saw on Diddy TV last night -
0:04:42 > 0:04:44silly.
0:04:44 > 0:04:50Stupid. Foolish. Asinine. Inane! Harebrained!
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Crackpotted, nitwitted, knuckleheaded, featherbrained
0:04:54 > 0:04:56and downright ridiculous!
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Well, it seems I have several words to describe
0:05:00 > 0:05:05what I saw on Diddy TV last night, but it all boils down to one thing -
0:05:05 > 0:05:09it's just plain daft!
0:05:12 > 0:05:16- DICK AND DOM LAUGH - Get off! No, stop that! Stop it! No!
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Well, I don't know where anyone could get the idea
0:05:19 > 0:05:22that we are silly, but take a look at the next clip
0:05:22 > 0:05:26- and you'll see how clever we are! - APPLAUSE
0:05:26 > 0:05:28So, it's time for the general knowledge round.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Your time starts now.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33By what nickname is the actor Humphrey Bogart known?
0:05:33 > 0:05:38- Bogey.- Correct. What is the score of one over par in golf?
0:05:38 > 0:05:39Bogey.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Correct. A nameless creature invoked to scare children into behaving
0:05:43 > 0:05:46is known as a what man?
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Bogey! DOM SNIGGERS
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Correct. What is the name of the metal framework
0:05:50 > 0:05:52that houses the wheels of a train?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54- Bogey!- Correct.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57What codename is given to an unidentified object
0:05:57 > 0:05:59on a radar screen?
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Bogey!
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Correct. The famous tune featured in the film Bridge Over The River Kwai
0:06:03 > 0:06:05is the Colonel what?
0:06:05 > 0:06:09BOGEY!
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Correct. What river is a tributary of the River Deveron
0:06:13 > 0:06:15in north-east Scotland?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17BOGEY!
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Correct. What is the name of the award given in Germany to films...
0:06:21 > 0:06:23- END OF ROUND BUZZER - I've started, so I'll finish.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25What is the name of the award given in Germany to
0:06:25 > 0:06:29films that have been seen by over 1,000,000 people?
0:06:29 > 0:06:36- BOTH:- BOGEY!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Correct. At the end of that round you have eight points
0:06:38 > 0:06:42with no passes, which means you win today's special prize of a giant...
0:06:42 > 0:06:49- BOTH:- BOGEY!
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Correct!
0:06:51 > 0:06:53APPLAUSE
0:06:53 > 0:06:58So, Diddy Dick, if you'd like to, erm, get us started...
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Consonant, consonant, vowel, vowel, consonant, consonant,
0:07:01 > 0:07:02vowel, consonant, consonant.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Right. And your 30 seconds starts...now.
0:07:05 > 0:07:10COUNTDOWN THEME PLAYS
0:07:10 > 0:07:11That was quick!
0:07:11 > 0:07:13So, Diddy Dom, what have you got?
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Nine.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Nine. And Diddy Dick?
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Nine.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22So, Diddy Dom, what's your nine?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24- Faufbjelk.- What does that mean?
0:07:24 > 0:07:28It's the act...of milking a tortoise.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Right, and Diddy Dick?
0:07:31 > 0:07:35Faufbj-elk. It means to eat a pen lid.
0:07:35 > 0:07:43Right. I think, erm, let's just confirm this with Dictionary Corner.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47Faufbjelk, with a silent B, erm, means to lasso a pig.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53And, er, Faufbjelk, with a silent F, is, erm,
0:07:53 > 0:07:56the act of milking a tortoise with a pen lid.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59- Hmm...- There's another nine-letter word!- Mmm?
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Jeffbaulk! It means in your face, Nick!
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Yeah, Nick!
0:08:04 > 0:08:09Right, well, here's today's Conundrum. Goodbye.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14APPLAUSE
0:08:16 > 0:08:20All right. To be fair, some people might have found some of that
0:08:20 > 0:08:24- a little bit silly. - But where do we draw the line?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27For example, is this silly?
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Whatever the case, we put your complaint to the top man at Diddy TV
0:08:38 > 0:08:40and here's what he said.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45Silly? Too right, they're silly. They're completely out of control.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49I'd give my right arm to have them act mature.
0:08:49 > 0:08:54Mature is today's secret gunge word!
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Uh-oh!
0:09:00 > 0:09:05Remember, never work with children or animals...
0:09:05 > 0:09:06or Diddies.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Collectamups! Collectamups!
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Have you collected them all?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16All of them? Really? You think so?
0:09:18 > 0:09:22New, Collectamup Extreeeemes! Collect them all!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Forget about the old ones - they're rubbish!
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Collect these new ones! Starbucket!
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Romface! Stringworm!
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Piddle-poddle! Poddle-piddle! Piddle-tiddle-woddle-boddle!
0:09:34 > 0:09:35Too late!
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Evil Weevil! Mattapakka!
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Star-eyed-pantypacker!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Fiddle-faddle! Twiddle-twaddle!
0:09:41 > 0:09:42On-past-push!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Some are limited edition!
0:09:45 > 0:09:49Some are so rare they don't even exist!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Just collect them all!
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Unless you're a loser!
0:09:55 > 0:10:00Mum! I need some money!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02And, once you've got them all,
0:10:02 > 0:10:05we'll release the next lot!
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Collectamup Fuzzbuzzards! We'll never stop!
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Collect them all! Ha-ha-ha!
0:10:11 > 0:10:14You can't! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Your Jungle Trial today is...
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Beast Feast.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Ooh, sounds nasty.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Fingers crossed!
0:10:23 > 0:10:27To win your stars, you must eat all of the dishes in front of you.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Dish one - spicy kangaroo feet.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38- Is that it?- We had a family bucket of these this morning!
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Come on, we need more drama!
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- We demand the worst...- The worst. - ..most disgusting...- Disgusting.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49- ..most slimy...- Slimy. - ..thing in this jungle, right now!
0:10:54 > 0:10:57- BOTH:- Ooh...
0:10:57 > 0:10:58Think of the fame.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00See you in the middle, Brian.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05- # I don't care if you're full, just eat it- Eat it- Eat it- Eat it
0:11:05 > 0:11:08# Open up your mouth and feed it
0:11:08 > 0:11:11# Have a big dinner, have a light snack
0:11:11 > 0:11:14# If you don't like it, you can't send it back
0:11:14 > 0:11:16# Just eat it! #
0:11:16 > 0:11:21- Grim.- But was that enough to make us properly famous?
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Ah...
0:11:23 > 0:11:25- BOTH:- Nothing.
0:11:25 > 0:11:26You know what we should eat, Kurt?
0:11:26 > 0:11:28- What?- Ourselves!
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Nice!
0:11:29 > 0:11:33- # Just eat it- eat it - Eat it- eat it
0:11:33 > 0:11:36# Open up your mouth and feed it
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- # Just eat it! # - APPLAUSE
0:12:37 > 0:12:39CRASH!
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Rubbish! Total Tripe! Don't know why I keep watching!
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Oh, I suppose you can do better then, can you?
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Yeah. Do you think it's easy trying to please everyone at the same time?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Try being in our shoes for once.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58All right, I will. Ha-ha-ha!
0:13:06 > 0:13:09I thought you'd never ask. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:13:09 > 0:13:10How did you do that?
0:13:14 > 0:13:19- Hup, hup, hup, hup... - Ooh, nice... Whee!- Ooh...
0:13:19 > 0:13:21- Yippee!- On TV!- Whee!
0:13:21 > 0:13:23- Hang on...- Oi! - Oi, what are you doing?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25- How do we get out?- Let us out!- Oi!
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Got you!
0:13:27 > 0:13:29- I don't want to be in here.- Here, what are you doing?- We love you!
0:13:29 > 0:13:33- Let us out!- Let us out of here!
0:13:33 > 0:13:39That's better. And now, on YOYOY TV, time for some comedy entertainment.
0:13:39 > 0:13:44First, ahem, some farmyard impressions...
0:13:44 > 0:13:47HE IMITATES A COW MOOING
0:13:47 > 0:13:49HE IMITATES A SHEEP BLEATING
0:13:49 > 0:13:52HE IMITATES A DOG BARKING
0:13:52 > 0:13:55HE IMITATES AN ELEPHANT TRUMPETING
0:13:55 > 0:13:58HE IMITATES A BIRD SQUAWKING
0:13:58 > 0:14:01HE IMITATES A BIRD CHIRPING
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Now, that's entertainment!
0:14:04 > 0:14:07# Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV! #