0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Larry Weinsteinberger the Diddy Movies boss
0:00:04 > 0:00:06# His last few films have flopped with catastrophic money loss
0:00:06 > 0:00:10# So he's ditching Diddy Movies for the thrill of television
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# The small screen is the future for those with any vision
0:00:13 > 0:00:17# With Larry's bottom dollar he's launched a TV station
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# Packed with creativity style and innovation
0:00:20 > 0:00:22# Diddy TV, Diddy TV
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# Channel 6597423
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# A brand-new rival for the BBC
0:00:29 > 0:00:32# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Welcome to Diddy TV.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Now, all the drama of a real hospital has been edited out
0:00:40 > 0:00:42completely as we spend another...
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Whoohoo!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Whee!
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Faster! Faster!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Yeah!
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Whoo!
0:01:02 > 0:01:04DICK SCREAMS
0:01:04 > 0:01:07CRASHING
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Ah, quick! I need stitches.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13- Where?- Me scrubs, they're all torn!
0:01:13 > 0:01:15So why are you holding your eye?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17I just wanted to know what
0:01:17 > 0:01:18it would be like to be a pirate.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Now, this may hurt a little bit.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Why, it's only my scrubs.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Arrrgh!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31SIREN BLARES
0:01:31 > 0:01:35Want to split the atom?
0:01:35 > 0:01:39Meddle with dangerous science and reduce your energy bills by 100%?
0:01:40 > 0:01:44Well, now you can with the all-new build your own
0:01:44 > 0:01:48- nuclear reactor part work magazine. - Wow!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Week by week, unstable atom by unstable atom,
0:01:51 > 0:01:56you will construct your very own unlicensed radioactive fun palace.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57BEEPING
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Marvel at the magnificence of atomic power,
0:01:59 > 0:02:01fiddle with hi-tech gizmos -
0:02:01 > 0:02:04so hi-tech that even we don't know what they do.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06ALARM BLARES
0:02:06 > 0:02:09In just 9,789 individual parts,
0:02:09 > 0:02:12your collection will beautifully build
0:02:12 > 0:02:15until you've either generated fission,
0:02:15 > 0:02:17or forgotten the basic safety rule.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Free Geiger counter with issue 1.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Atoms not included.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25APPLAUSE
0:02:25 > 0:02:27This is The Box,
0:02:27 > 0:02:32where simple challenges annoy the pants off you.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36Hello, I'm Phillip Schofield and welcome to...
0:02:36 > 0:02:38The Box.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Fiendish games inside an old greenhouse.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45But have you got what it takes to beat The Box?
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Of course you haven't.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50That's why the first contestant isn't you.
0:02:51 > 0:02:56So, Raymond, game one for 1,000 sweetcorns.
0:02:58 > 0:03:03Raymond, you must get the last bit of ketchup out of the sauce bottle
0:03:03 > 0:03:05without dropping it.
0:03:05 > 0:03:10HE GROANS
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Tricky.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19You don't have to take on the game, but if you don't, I'll eat you.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20Eh?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Oh, let's do it.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Enter The Box.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37HE GROANS
0:03:39 > 0:03:42AUDIENCE LAUGH
0:03:42 > 0:03:43That was brilliant!
0:03:43 > 0:03:48Let's see that again in slow motion to make you look a complete lemon.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52AUDIENCE LAUGH
0:03:52 > 0:03:55We'll see you next time on The Box.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- So do you like game shows, Ashley? - I love them.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- All of them?- Yeah, all of them.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Apart from that one.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08But The Box is one of the Diddy TV's highest rating shows.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12We get three viewers a week, four if you include the cat.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Larry, The Box should be put into a box
0:04:14 > 0:04:16and buried in a trash can.
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Yeah...?
0:04:17 > 0:04:19That's not a bad idea, you know?!
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Then a contestant could try and escape from the inside.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24I could call it The Trash Can.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Oh, oh, you're good at this, Ashley.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Keep them coming, kid! Ha-ha!
0:04:29 > 0:04:33Tigers, beautiful, majestic,
0:04:33 > 0:04:35great, big, fluffy-wuffy pussycats.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36Meow!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39But their world is changing, changing fast.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43They may not be able to survive on their own in the wild.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47Which is why I'm asking for your help to save the tigers.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Send us a donation of just £5
0:04:50 > 0:04:53and we'll send you a Bengal tiger.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54DOORBELL RINGS
0:04:54 > 0:04:56TIGER ROARS
0:04:56 > 0:04:57HE SCREAMS
0:04:57 > 0:04:59With your help we can save these
0:04:59 > 0:05:01savage, ruthless hunters from extinction.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05- What about saving me?! - You'll be fine, you big wuss,
0:05:05 > 0:05:08- it's just a wittle pussy cat. - Meow!
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Greetings, greetings, greetings
0:05:14 > 0:05:16and welcome to Diddypops.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Tonight, playing their latest hit, one that's going global,
0:05:19 > 0:05:24please make as much noise as you possibly can for the amazing
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Diddy Dom And The Jitters!
0:05:29 > 0:05:32A one, two, a one, two, three, four...
0:05:32 > 0:05:34# Peanuts Doo-bop-doo-bop
0:05:34 > 0:05:37# Peanuts Doo-bop-doo-bop
0:05:37 > 0:05:39# In Cuba, each merry maid
0:05:39 > 0:05:42# Wakes up with this serenade
0:05:42 > 0:05:44# Peanuts!
0:05:44 > 0:05:46- # They're nice and hot - Peanuts!
0:05:46 > 0:05:48# He sells a lot
0:05:48 > 0:05:50# If you haven't got bananas don't be blue
0:05:50 > 0:05:53# Peanuts in a little bag are calling you
0:05:53 > 0:05:55- # Don't waste them - No tummy ache
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- # You'll taste them - When you awake
0:05:57 > 0:06:00# For at the very break of day
0:06:00 > 0:06:03# The peanut vendor's on his way
0:06:03 > 0:06:05# At dawning, the whistle blows
0:06:05 > 0:06:08# In every city, town and country lane
0:06:08 > 0:06:11# You hear him singing playing his little strain
0:06:11 > 0:06:14# And as he goes by to you he'll say
0:06:14 > 0:06:16- # Big jumbo - Big jumbo ones
0:06:16 > 0:06:18# Come buy those
0:06:18 > 0:06:19# Peanuts roasted today
0:06:19 > 0:06:22# Come try those freshly roasted today
0:06:22 > 0:06:24# If you're looking for a moral to this song
0:06:24 > 0:06:27# 50 million little monkeys can't be wrong
0:06:27 > 0:06:29# Peanuts Doo-bop-doo-bop
0:06:29 > 0:06:32# Peanuts Doo-bop-doo-bop
0:06:32 > 0:06:34# Peanuts Doo-bop-doo-bop. #
0:06:37 > 0:06:40THEY SCREAM
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Cheaply made chitchat now,
0:06:50 > 0:06:54featuring guests bullied into appearing with...
0:06:54 > 0:06:55# Dom!
0:06:55 > 0:06:57# Dom!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59# Dom!
0:06:59 > 0:07:01# Dom!
0:07:01 > 0:07:02# Dom! #
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Hello, and welcome to The Dom Show.
0:07:04 > 0:07:09The show is all about the most interesting person in the world, me.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12But first it's over to my Auntie Patti.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16I'm going to arrange these flowers into the most beautiful
0:07:16 > 0:07:18shape in the world.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21- What shape's that, Auntie Patti? - Your head, deary.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24- Oh!- That's what you told me.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Shut up!
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Oi, oi, oi, oi! What's all this?
0:07:29 > 0:07:32This is my show, The Dom Show,
0:07:32 > 0:07:35where we'll be discussing my favourite colour, my favourite food,
0:07:35 > 0:07:37favourite jumper and me.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Don't be daft, no-one wants to watch your Auntie Patti arranging flowers.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Oh, of course they do! Ask the chummy crew.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- Is that what you all want? - ALL:- No!
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Well, tough. That's all you're getting.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Ah, boring!
0:07:51 > 0:07:53This show is all about you, you, you.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55It's not all about me, me, me.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Look, I used rose petals for the cheeks.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Oh, beautiful.
0:08:01 > 0:08:02Rubbish.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04All right, I've had enough of you!
0:08:04 > 0:08:06I suppose you can do better, can you?
0:08:06 > 0:08:07I thought you'd never ask.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10You see, if I was going to arrange flowers,
0:08:10 > 0:08:12I'd arrange them more like this.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14DOM GROANS
0:08:16 > 0:08:18You've ruined my arrangement!
0:08:18 > 0:08:20You've ruined my show!
0:08:20 > 0:08:22I've improved them both, trust me.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Join the next time on The Dom Show, where we'll be
0:08:25 > 0:08:28discussing my favourite mini compote pots.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30# Dom!
0:08:30 > 0:08:32# Dom! #
0:08:32 > 0:08:35More bright ideas now that are desperately needed for
0:08:35 > 0:08:37programmes to replace Diddy Dragons.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44The entrepreneurs are back in The Den,
0:08:44 > 0:08:49this time hoping to wow the dragons with a unique new fragrance.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Ahem.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Ahem.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Ahem.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01HE COUGHS LOUDLY
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Hello, Diddy Dragons.
0:09:03 > 0:09:09I'm Cornflake and this is my business partner Freddie D'Wheat.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Erm...
0:09:15 > 0:09:16Dogs!
0:09:16 > 0:09:19I'm doing it!
0:09:19 > 0:09:2283% of people love dogs
0:09:22 > 0:09:26but 70% of those people think they smell terrible.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29So introducing...
0:09:29 > 0:09:33- Poochie.- Poochie, the world's first fragrance
0:09:33 > 0:09:35sourced entirely from dog sweat -
0:09:35 > 0:09:38as Freddie will demonstrate.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49It's fruity, meaty and, of course, it's entirely safe.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53DOGS HOWL AND BARK
0:09:55 > 0:09:58FREDDIE SCREAMS
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- Just a few teeny teething problems. - FREDDIE SCREAMS
0:10:05 > 0:10:09We're looking for 82,000 and someone to fix me bike.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12BOOING
0:10:12 > 0:10:14We had that in the bag until you looked at them funny!
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Join us next week when the inventor of the time machine
0:10:17 > 0:10:19turned up last Friday.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Pets and perfume, what a combination, eh, Ashley?!
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Who wouldn't want to smell like a wet dog?
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Well, not you, apparently.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31So did you like that one?
0:10:31 > 0:10:34No, I didn't! It was terrible!
0:10:34 > 0:10:37I mean, those Diddy Dragons should be chopped up into tiny pieces
0:10:37 > 0:10:41and fed to real dragons on a mountainside in Wales.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Great idea!
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Give them all suits of armour and flags
0:10:45 > 0:10:46and call it Diddy Dragons Die.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50It's another winner, Ashley! Another winner!
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Have you collected them all?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59All of them, really?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01You think so?
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Forget about the old ones.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Collect these new ones!
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Star Bucket, Wrong Face,
0:11:13 > 0:11:14String Worm, Piddle Puddle,
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Poddle Piddle,
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Piddle-Tiddle-Woddle-Boddle.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Too late!
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Evil Weevil, Mass Attacker, Star-Ride-Panty-Packer,
0:11:23 > 0:11:27Fiddle Faddle, Twiddle Twaddle, Ung-Puff-Push.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Some unlimited edition!
0:11:29 > 0:11:33Some are so rare, they don't even exist!
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Just collect them all!
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Unless you're a loser!
0:11:39 > 0:11:44Mum, I need some money!
0:11:44 > 0:11:46And once you've got them all,
0:11:46 > 0:11:49we'll release the next lot.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53We'll never stop!
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Collect them all! Mwahahahahaha!
0:11:56 > 0:11:57You can't!
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Mwahahahahaha!
0:12:02 > 0:12:03It's...
0:12:03 > 0:12:08AUDIENCE CHEER
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Meow!
0:12:20 > 0:12:23HE BELCHES
0:12:23 > 0:12:26ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
0:12:26 > 0:12:29AUDIENCE CHEER
0:12:32 > 0:12:36HE CONTINUES TO BELCH
0:12:36 > 0:12:38This is sweet!
0:12:38 > 0:12:42AUDIENCE CHEER
0:12:45 > 0:12:47HE SCREAMS
0:12:52 > 0:12:55SHE SCREAMS
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Can somebody stop this thing?
0:12:59 > 0:13:01HE SCREAMS
0:13:01 > 0:13:02SINGER BELCHES
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Boy, you're going to be a star!
0:13:07 > 0:13:08The Belch, the kind of show you
0:13:08 > 0:13:10don't mind repeating on you, eh, Ashley?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13You couldn't change that for the better, could you?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16There's only one thing that could possibly make that better.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20- Yes?- One simple, yet brilliant thing that would improve that show.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- Yes?- It's so simple.- What is it?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25The only way you can make that better is to turn
0:13:25 > 0:13:27the TV off before it comes on.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Brilliant! You're hired!
0:13:30 > 0:13:32No, wait, I don't want to be hired.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Too late, my decision is final.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Report on Monday at 9am for your Diddy-duction.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40And bring your cagoule, it gets kind of messy.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41SHE SIGHS
0:13:41 > 0:13:43That's it. And remember, if you ever find yourself
0:13:43 > 0:13:47with a splitting headache, it means you been watching Diddy TV.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50# Diddy TV, Diddy TV
0:13:50 > 0:13:54# Channel 6597423
0:13:54 > 0:13:57# A brand-new rival for the BBC
0:13:57 > 0:14:01# It's Diddy Dick And Dom's Diddy TV
0:14:04 > 0:14:08# Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #