0:00:00 > 0:00:03# Larry Weinsteinberger The Diddy Movies boss
0:00:03 > 0:00:06# His last few films have flopped with catastrophic money loss
0:00:06 > 0:00:10# So he's ditching Diddy Movies for the thrill of television
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# The small screen is the future for those with any vision
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# With Larry's bottom dollar He's launched a TV station
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# Packed with creativity Style and innovation
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# Diddy TV, Diddy TV
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# Channel 6597423
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# A brand-new rival for the BBC
0:00:29 > 0:00:33# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Welcome to Diddy TV,
0:00:37 > 0:00:41the world's only TV station that's called Diddy TV...probably.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43THE ONE SHOW THEME
0:00:43 > 0:00:44# Dom
0:00:44 > 0:00:46# Dom...
0:00:46 > 0:00:48# Dom! #
0:00:48 > 0:00:52Hello, you lucky, lucky people and welcome to The Dom Show,
0:00:52 > 0:00:55the programme all about how wonderful I am.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56But first, here's my grandpa,
0:00:56 > 0:00:59who will be carving a sculpture.
0:00:59 > 0:01:04Do you know, I have never carved a sculpture in my entire life!
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Oh, don't worry, Grandpoo, because your inspiration will be
0:01:07 > 0:01:09your most favourite thing in the whole world.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11A pair of slippers?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13- A pair of... No! Me!- Oh.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19- Well, here he is again, come to spoil everything.- Me! No.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20I've just come to watch.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22All right, well, don't interfere. Behave.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Oh, b-bottoms!
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Don't worry, Grandpoo.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Yes, I can see the likeness.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31A really big head.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Here, Grandpa,
0:01:33 > 0:01:37why didn't you tell everyone about Dom's fourth birthday party?
0:01:37 > 0:01:40No, no, no, Grandpoo, we don't want to hear about that.
0:01:40 > 0:01:41Don't be silly!
0:01:41 > 0:01:45This is The Dom Show - I'll tell you what, I'll ask the chummy crew.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48You all want to hear about Dom's fourth birthday party, don't you?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50CHEERING
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Oh, really?!
0:01:52 > 0:01:54When he was four years old,
0:01:54 > 0:01:58Dom really wanted a bike for his birthday.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Shut up, shut up!
0:02:00 > 0:02:02But he got a scooter instead.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05He was so upset, he cried throughout his whole party
0:02:05 > 0:02:09and flushed his cake down the loo!
0:02:09 > 0:02:11And then...
0:02:11 > 0:02:13And then the loo exploded!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16The loo exploded!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18THUMP!
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Oh, look, his head's dropped off!
0:02:24 > 0:02:28Introducing a new airline for a different class of traveller.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Terrified people!
0:02:32 > 0:02:37Yes, welcome to Nervous Airlines, the world's most frightened airline.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39SHE SCREAMS
0:02:41 > 0:02:44If the thought of hovering thousands of feet above the Earth makes you...
0:02:44 > 0:02:45PHHRRTT!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48..yourself, with Nervous Airlines, you can sit back,
0:02:48 > 0:02:50relax and enjoy your flight...
0:02:50 > 0:02:53because we never take off!
0:02:53 > 0:02:55- RADIO:- 'Tower to Nervous Airlines.' - HE YELLS
0:02:57 > 0:02:58We're so scared of flying,
0:02:58 > 0:03:02we just sit motionless on the runway for six hours,
0:03:02 > 0:03:05bringing entire airports to a standstill,
0:03:05 > 0:03:10but allowing you to enjoy a tasty meal or watch a movie.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Nervous Airlines, come fly with the people who never fly,
0:03:16 > 0:03:18so nothing can ever go wrong.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23# He's a robot, he's our pop. #
0:03:23 > 0:03:25He's Robopop!
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Hey, Susie, did I tell you it's my birthday today?
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Um, let me think...
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Oh, yeah, about a million times already.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- Zingo! - CANNED LAUGHTER
0:03:37 > 0:03:38# He's a robot, he's our pop. #
0:03:38 > 0:03:40He's Robopop!
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Hey, kids!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44BOTH: Hey, Robopop!
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Oh, looks like Pops crashed again!
0:03:49 > 0:03:52CANNED LAUGHTER
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Control, alt, delete.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Hey, Jacko, looking forward to your party tonight?
0:04:01 > 0:04:02I sure am, Pop!
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- What've you got planned?- What have I...what have I...what have I...
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Does not compute.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Isn't your mum sorting that out?
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Um, no, Mum left you in charge, remember?
0:04:14 > 0:04:18I have a 90 giga-res hard drive with quantum access memory.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Of course I remember.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22You forgot, didn't you, Pop?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26What did you forget, dear?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29How much I love you, my bi-bi-bi-binary one!
0:04:30 > 0:04:32I'm going out to pick up your gift, Jack.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35We got you something you deserve.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37A used napkin?
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Zingo!
0:04:39 > 0:04:42And I'll have everything set up by the time you get back.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43Trust me!
0:04:43 > 0:04:45T-T-T-T-Trust me!
0:04:49 > 0:04:51And that's the last one.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54How come I have to blow up my own birthday balloons anyway?
0:04:54 > 0:04:58Duh, because you're full of hot air!
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Zinga-ringa-dinga!
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Run the programme B 1-3.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Looking great, Dad.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09It's just a shame he didn't have any time to arrange
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- any entertainment, huh? - Oh, didn't I?
0:05:12 > 0:05:14BELL RINGS
0:05:14 > 0:05:18Introducing the world-famous magician, the amazing Robobabini!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Um, are you sure about this, Pop?
0:05:23 > 0:05:28Of course! 99.999999% sure!
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Well, it's the other 0.0000001% I am afraid of.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Good point!
0:05:34 > 0:05:36I better practise my big trick.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Run programme MAG 1-C.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42BOTH: No, no, no! Stop! Abort!
0:05:54 > 0:05:57There goes your new games console.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- Was this your card?- Robopop!
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Now, that's what I call magic, eh, Bruno?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10What did you think?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13It was a runaway pig of a show and I give it...
0:06:13 > 0:06:17Oh, ten out of ten! Top marks! You're a gent!
0:06:17 > 0:06:20What? Oh, they're the wrong way around.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22One out of ten?!
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Wait, it's meant to be 0.1!
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Here is the decimal point.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Oh, Bruno, you're killing me!
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Greetings, greetings, greetings.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41And welcome once more to Diddy Pops!
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Tonight, we have a special one-off performance
0:06:44 > 0:06:46from the dance troupe sensation
0:06:46 > 0:06:49known to every one of us as Didversity!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59MUSIC: Popcorn by Gershon Kingsley
0:07:51 > 0:07:54EVERYONE SCREAMS, CRASH!
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Well, that was something. And here's something else. I love my job.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Welcome to Deadly Diddy 60,
0:08:09 > 0:08:13where I find the 60 of the scariest diddy animals in the world
0:08:13 > 0:08:15and tickle them till they squeal.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Dom, get in here!
0:08:22 > 0:08:23I look ridiculous.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25You always look ridiculous, Dom.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27I've just accessorised.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31Anyway, you'll be glad about it when you meet...
0:08:31 > 0:08:33the piranha shark!
0:08:33 > 0:08:35In you get.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37No! You get in!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I can't swim, Dom!
0:08:39 > 0:08:41What are you, some kind of monster?
0:08:41 > 0:08:44- Well, fair point.- So...
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Right, I am not getting in there!
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- How about for 10p? - Do I look daft to you?
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- 20p?- All right, you're on.
0:08:55 > 0:08:56HE SCREAMS
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Dom, are you already in there? Has he got you yet?
0:09:01 > 0:09:05No, the water is freezing. Ta-ra, I'll be all right when I'm in.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10Oh, it's just like being in a Jacuzzi.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13A big, terrifying, man-eating Jacuzzi.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Here's one. And there's another... Ah!
0:09:23 > 0:09:26This is no time for skinny-dipping.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30Until next time, dare to be scared!
0:09:32 > 0:09:35YODELLING
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Now a quiz show so terrifying you'll change your trousers
0:09:40 > 0:09:42when you hear the theme tune.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45MASTERMIND THEME
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Hello and welcome to Diddymind.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Please welcome today's contestants, Diddy Dick and Dom.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00On your last appearance, you scored zero points on your chosen
0:10:00 > 0:10:04- subject of Diddy Dick and Dom. - Well, they were very hard questions!
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Now it's time for the general knowledge round.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Your time starts now.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12By what nickname is the actor Humphrey Bogart known?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- Bogie!- Correct.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17What is the score of one over par in golf?
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- Bogey.- Correct!
0:10:19 > 0:10:22A nameless creature invoked to scare children into behaving
0:10:22 > 0:10:24is known as a what-man?
0:10:24 > 0:10:26- Bogey!- Correct.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29What is the name of the metal framework that houses
0:10:29 > 0:10:30the wheels of a train?
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- Bogie!- Correct.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36What codename is given to an unidentified object
0:10:36 > 0:10:37on a radar screen?
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- BOGEY!- Correct.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41The famous tune featured in the film
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Bridge Over The River Kwai is the Colonel what?
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Bogey!
0:10:49 > 0:10:50Correct.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52What river is a tributary of
0:10:52 > 0:10:54the River Deveron in northeast Scotland?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- Bogie!- Correct.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59What is the name of the award given in Germany
0:10:59 > 0:11:00- to films that... - BEEPING
0:11:00 > 0:11:02I've started, so I'll finish.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05What is the name of the award given in Germany
0:11:05 > 0:11:08to films that have been seen by over one million people?
0:11:08 > 0:11:14BOTH: Bogey...
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Correct. At the end of that round,
0:11:16 > 0:11:18you have eight points with no passes,
0:11:18 > 0:11:21which means you win today's special prize of a giant...
0:11:21 > 0:11:28BOTH: Bogey...
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Correct!
0:11:36 > 0:11:40Well... Come on, Bruno! What do you score a Diddymind? One or a nothing?
0:11:40 > 0:11:43What? Oh, no, I'm not trying to score a show.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Then what are you doing?
0:11:45 > 0:11:48I'm trying to land an aeroplane, of course!
0:11:48 > 0:11:51AEROPLANE ENGINE ROARS
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Oh, I'm so very good at my job!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59It's the Belch!
0:12:22 > 0:12:25SILENCE
0:12:29 > 0:12:31SILENCE
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Ooh, she's got belch fright. I've seen it before.
0:12:50 > 0:12:56REVERBERATING BELCH
0:13:02 > 0:13:05AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:13:07 > 0:13:09You're going to be a star!
0:13:14 > 0:13:17What about those contestants? The stars of tomorrow, eh, Bruno?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Hmm, yes...
0:13:20 > 0:13:25Distant, full of gas and when I see them, I want to go to sleep.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Oh, so, that'll be another low mark, then?
0:13:28 > 0:13:30For the contestants, yes.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34But the judges are crazy, funny, snappily dressed!
0:13:34 > 0:13:36My kind of people!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40I feel a samba coming on! Hit it, baby!
0:13:40 > 0:13:43SAMBA MUSIC PLAYS
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Well, that's quite enough of all that.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47I suggest we all bark like Dobermans instead.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49- Goodbye. - BARKING
0:13:50 > 0:13:53# Diddy TV, Diddy TV
0:13:53 > 0:13:55# Channel 6597423
0:13:55 > 0:13:58# A brand-new rival for the BBC
0:13:58 > 0:14:02# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV
0:14:06 > 0:14:08# Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #