0:00:00 > 0:00:03# Larry Weinsteinberger, the Diddy Movies boss
0:00:03 > 0:00:06# His last few films have flopped with catastrophic money loss
0:00:06 > 0:00:10# So he's ditching Diddy Movies for the thrill of television
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# The small screen is the future for those with any vision
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# With Larry's bottom dollar, he's launched a TV station
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# Packed with creativity, style and innovation
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# Diddy TV, Diddy TV
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# Channel 6597423
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# A brand-new rival for the BBC
0:00:29 > 0:00:33# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #
0:00:35 > 0:00:39We've well and truly snookered ourselves on Diddy TV now,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41since it's time for snooker.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47Hello, it's here at last,
0:00:47 > 0:00:51the final session of this year's World Snooker Championship,
0:00:51 > 0:00:55and I can tell you there is a huge sense of anticipation about this.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58I've been joined by former world champion Diddy Shaun Murphy.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00- Hello, Shaun.- Hello, Hazel.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04Now, what about out finalists, Ronnie O'Notagain and Juddery Trump?
0:01:04 > 0:01:05What do you make of this matchup?
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Well, this match has got added spice.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10I really can't wait for it to start.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13They have had some really good matches recently and on a couple
0:01:13 > 0:01:15of those occasions, Juddery Trump has come from nowhere
0:01:15 > 0:01:17to nick it on the line.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19So Ronnie will have the utmost respect for him
0:01:19 > 0:01:21and he will have the utmost respect for Ronnie.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I agree. Thank you, Shaun.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Well, after 16 long days, it has all come down to this.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Let's get straight to our commentators,
0:01:28 > 0:01:30John Pisces and Clive Liverpool.
0:01:30 > 0:01:35So, you join us with Juddery to break.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43That's not the best of starts.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Foul. Four, Ronnie O'Notagain.
0:01:45 > 0:01:50No, it's not, Clive, he'll be kicking himself about that.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52It's very disappointing.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57Well, this looks like an open door here for Ronnie.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Foul and a miss.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Four, Juddery Trump.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05I'd say it's very much a closed door, Clive.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Foul, four...
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Safety has never really been Trump's game.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Go on, Juddery! >
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Shh. Quiet, please.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28Well, I think he is looking to kiss off the red here
0:02:28 > 0:02:31and screw it back for the black.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33And I think he can do that.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36But not like that.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Well, we have to leave our coverage here on Diddy TV but you can
0:02:41 > 0:02:45continue to watch by closing your eyes and using your imagination.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49So, Bruno, what did you think?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51That had no place on the TV screen.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Oh, dear.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55It should be on a cinema screen, Larry!
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Oh, that's brilliant!
0:02:57 > 0:03:00A cinema screen that is about to be hit by a meteorite.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01Oh...
0:03:01 > 0:03:05A meteorite filled with little aliens who will take
0:03:05 > 0:03:07the programme into space.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Oh, brilliant! Brilliant!
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Where I will never have got to see it again.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15So, did you like it or not?
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- Yes!- Hoorah!
0:03:18 > 0:03:22Do you want a hand choosing the best burger? Then come on down to...
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Hand Burger Prince.
0:03:25 > 0:03:30Yes, we at Hand Burger Prince uses only the best
0:03:30 > 0:03:32organic, free-range,
0:03:32 > 0:03:36freshest hands in our hand burgers.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Here is your hand burger.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Oi, that's got a plaster on it!
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Sorry, wrong hand.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Ignore the writing, that is my shopping list.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Oh, yeah, that's more like it.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Arrrgh!
0:03:50 > 0:03:53We have double hand burgers.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56A veggie burger.
0:03:56 > 0:04:01Hand burgers with our special sauce.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05I didn't wash it after I went to the toilet.
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Disgusting!
0:04:07 > 0:04:11And because our staff are running out of hands,
0:04:11 > 0:04:14coming soon, the foot burger.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Wonderful verruca burger with fried bunion rings
0:04:17 > 0:04:19and extra cheese.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21- Oh...- They're delicious.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Hello and welcome to Diddypops.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36This one is a timeless classic from all the way back in 2K13 -
0:04:36 > 0:04:37ask your grandparents.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Here with every princess's favourite song,
0:04:40 > 0:04:43please give it up for Diddy Diane and the Jitters.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Let It Go.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48APPLAUSE
0:04:48 > 0:04:50HE PLAYS PIANO
0:04:53 > 0:04:56# The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
0:04:56 > 0:04:59# Not a footprint to be seen
0:04:59 > 0:05:03# A kingdom of isolation
0:05:03 > 0:05:06# And it looks like I'm the queen
0:05:07 > 0:05:13# The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
0:05:14 > 0:05:20# Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried
0:05:21 > 0:05:25# It's time to see what I can do
0:05:25 > 0:05:28# To test the limits and break through
0:05:28 > 0:05:33# No right, no wrong, no rules for me
0:05:33 > 0:05:36# I'm free
0:05:36 > 0:05:39# Let it go, let it go
0:05:39 > 0:05:43# I am one with the wind and sky
0:05:43 > 0:05:46# Let it go, let it go
0:05:46 > 0:05:50# You'll never see me cry
0:05:50 > 0:05:59# Here I stand in the light of day
0:05:59 > 0:06:05# Let the storm rage on
0:06:05 > 0:06:08# The cold never bothered me anyway. #
0:06:08 > 0:06:10SHE SCREAMS
0:06:12 > 0:06:17Fear and danger now as we struggle to live through watching Diddy 60.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25Hi, I'm Dick Fearless and this is Deadly Diddy 60,
0:06:25 > 0:06:29where I find 60 of the most scariest Diddy animals in the world
0:06:29 > 0:06:31and throw them at Dom.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35In today's episode, I present to you the razorback rat.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39Hold it, hold it, hooooold it!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Ah, Dom, I've been waiting for you.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45Do you want the stinky cheese or the squeaky hammer?
0:06:45 > 0:06:47I don't want either. Oh, squeaky hammer.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!
0:06:49 > 0:06:53He seems to like it. So, in you get.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55No, not today,
0:06:55 > 0:06:57cos I've got something terrifying for you.
0:06:57 > 0:07:02Hold on, I do the animals, you do the stroking, that's the deal.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Yeah, well, I fancied a change.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07You are fearless, aren't you?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Of course! What have you got?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Only the most terrifying creature in the world.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Bring it on!
0:07:14 > 0:07:18I have done spitting squirrels, exploding koala bears,
0:07:18 > 0:07:22the fanged ferrets of Fife. Well, you have. I have just watched.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26Same difference, really. There ain't nothing out there that scares me.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Brilliant. Here's my mum.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Did I mention she is not very happy about all the horrible things
0:07:31 > 0:07:33- you have made me do? - What have you been doing
0:07:33 > 0:07:36to my poor little Dommy-Wommy?
0:07:36 > 0:07:37I can explain...
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Well, Mummy, there was the vampire snakes...
0:07:40 > 0:07:42- Ooh!- ..killer spiders...
0:07:42 > 0:07:44- Ah!- ..there was those piranha sharks.- Oh!
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- Oh, naughty boy, take that!- Ah!
0:07:47 > 0:07:49- And that!- Oh!- And that!- Argh!
0:07:49 > 0:07:52You sock it to him, Mama!
0:07:52 > 0:07:54See you next time.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56And until then, dare to be scared.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Oh, don't forget about the boa constrictor budgie!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Keep going till you get to 60.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09I love Diddy 60. It's one of my favourites, Bruno.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13- What about you? - This was a cornucopia for the eyes,
0:08:13 > 0:08:17a visual treat that sizzled my senses and tingled my tummy.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Right, yeah. And that's a good thing, is it?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Larry, is the Mona Lisa good?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Is David Beckham good?
0:08:26 > 0:08:30How can you define good when you're in the presence of something
0:08:30 > 0:08:35that redefines the very meaning of the word television?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37OK, yeah.
0:08:37 > 0:08:42- So you liked it?- This does not come down to like or not like.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44This is beyond like.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47This is something that bypasses the brain
0:08:47 > 0:08:50and goes straight to the heart.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- So you liked it?- Maybe.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56In the way a puppy likes a daffodil.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Are you looking for their cheapest flights ever? How about this?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Florida, two quid!
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Australia, £1.83 for a family of four!
0:09:12 > 0:09:14France, 1p!
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Actually, that was a little bit overpriced.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18But, do you see?
0:09:19 > 0:09:23Oh, hi, yeah, got a first-class return to Tokyo.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- Oh, the 62p ticket.- Yeah.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30- Just climb in here, please, sir. - OK, yeah.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Uh, where are the seatbelts?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34How's this? Fire!
0:09:34 > 0:09:35Waaaaah!
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Next!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41- Hawaii!- Climb in.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44Ready?
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Hey, where's my in-flight drink?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49- Thank you.- Fire!
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Aaaaargh!
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Cheapest flights ever!
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Hey, don't take my word for it, here's a satisfied customer.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Ha-ha, I have no idea what he just said!
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Argh!
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Catapult Airlines.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11# He's a robot, he's their pop
0:10:11 > 0:10:13# He's Robopop. #
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Oh, man! Oh, man, I'm going to be late.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17I'm going to be late for school.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Oh, it's...
0:10:19 > 0:10:225am! Consider yourself pranked, little bro.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26I set your alarm clock forward three hours.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28# He's Robopop. #
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Engage emergency protocol five.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34This unit is late for primary function.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Did you by any chance put Pop's internal processor forward
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- three hours too?- Sure did.
0:10:39 > 0:10:44You can call me President Prank because in this house, I rule.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Zingo!
0:10:46 > 0:10:48APPLAUSE
0:10:50 > 0:10:53It's still early, Pop. Suzy pranked us.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56My internal processor runs on an atomic beryllium clock.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57It is never wrong.
0:10:57 > 0:11:02Although X-ray sensors indicate it is still dark outside. Oops!
0:11:02 > 0:11:04I wish I could prank Suzy just once.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06I can help you there, son.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Your pop knows a prank or two.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11- Pull my finger.- Oh, sure, Pop.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13Aaaaah!
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Ha-ha-ha, I've still got it!
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- Are you sure this is going to work, Pop?- Trust me!
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Tru-tru-tru-trust me!
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Run programme 5318008.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Now my brain's in the calculator.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Hey, this is a nice little number I'm wearing.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37Managed to catch up on your beauty sleep? Guess not!
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Zinga-ringa ding-dong!
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Oh, Suzy, you are a riot.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46Oh, hey, did I tell you how my new calculator can also tell fortunes?
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Really? Let me see.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53You will drop out of high school and your nose will drop off too.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Oh, no! Pop has downloaded himself onto the calculator.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Quick, get him out!
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Pop, speak to us!
0:12:02 > 0:12:07# Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do... #
0:12:07 > 0:12:08VOICE DIES
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Oh, no, we wiped Pop's brain!
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Don't let Mom know.
0:12:13 > 0:12:14Know what, honey?
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Oh, uh, that Pop is trying to break
0:12:16 > 0:12:19the world record for, uh, musical statues.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20(Pop's got a backup disk.)
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Holiday photos, Billy Joel's greatest hits.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Tempting, but no.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Oh, emergency personality reboot.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30Here it goes.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34WHIRRING
0:12:34 > 0:12:35BEEPING
0:12:35 > 0:12:37LASERS FIRE
0:12:37 > 0:12:39- DEEP MONOTONE: - Hard drive reinstalled.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40Hostile life forms detected.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Eliminate hostiles.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Now, honey, just because you've failed your world record
0:12:45 > 0:12:47is no reason to be grouchy.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Mom, get down!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52ELECTRONIC THRUMMING
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Prepare to be...
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- REGULAR VOICE: - ..well and truly pranked.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00I've still got it!
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Robopop!
0:13:03 > 0:13:09Oh, now, come on, a classic American sitcom we can all be proud of.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11If proud is the right word.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12It is, I'm telling you it is.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17- So, what did you think, Bruno? - Well...- Yeah, in one word.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18- Just one word?- One.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22Fantabulasticabdunculatrullablla.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- That's cheating.- I know.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Well, that's it for today.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29If you've enjoyed watching Diddy TV, then please
0:13:29 > 0:13:30see someone about it at once.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34# Diddy TV, Diddy TV
0:13:34 > 0:13:37# Channel 6597423
0:13:37 > 0:13:41# A brand-new rival for the BBC
0:13:41 > 0:13:44# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #
0:13:49 > 0:13:53Oh, Ronnie's still struggling to find his form here at the Crucible.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Foul, four. Juddery Trump.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59Yes, that's right, Clive, and the pressure is really starting to tell.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02I can't take this any more! Argh! Rah!
0:14:02 > 0:14:03He's absolutely lost it.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Can't even hit the ball!
0:14:05 > 0:14:08He certainly has. This is...extraordinary.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11- Oh, got one in.- And a fine shot.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14# Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #