0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Larry Weinsteinberger, the Diddy Movies' boss
0:00:03 > 0:00:06# His last few films have flopped with catastrophic money loss
0:00:06 > 0:00:10# So, he's ditching Diddy Movies for the thrill of television
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# The small screen is the future for those with any vision
0:00:13 > 0:00:17# With Larry's bottom dollar He's launched a TV station
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# Packed with creativity, style and innovation
0:00:20 > 0:00:26# Diddy TV! Diddy TV! Channel 6597423
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# A brand-new rival for the BBC
0:00:30 > 0:00:33# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV! #
0:00:34 > 0:00:39Television, a magical place to escape and get away from the boring
0:00:39 > 0:00:40realities of life.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41But first, cookery.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48The Great British Cake... Cake Off!
0:00:48 > 0:00:51- Hello.- Hello.- Hello.- Hello.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54And welcome to the Great British Cake Off.
0:00:54 > 0:00:5612 have been whittled down to just three.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Now we're left with the creme de la creme.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- Yes.- The top of the toppings. - Exactly.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04- The sprinkliest of sprinklings. - Enough.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07Let's meet them.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I'm here to bake my beard off.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15I want to make my kids proud.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17I like cake. Ha-ha-ha.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21- So.- So.- So.- So.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25So let's see if we'll be ice-singing your praises later as we
0:01:25 > 0:01:27BATTENBERG down the hatches.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29- I said enough already!- Oh.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36This week, chocolate eclairs.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Now, five minutes.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Ready, steady,
0:01:43 > 0:01:44- Cake Off.- Cake Off.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45Ah.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Dave's choux pastry has turned out well.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54So, now, the delicate task of piping his chocolate.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56All right, Dave?
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Yes,
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I'm doing fine, Sally.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03This is a really tricky bit so I just need to concentr...
0:02:03 > 0:02:05I'll leave you to it then.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07You don't need this bit, do you?
0:02:07 > 0:02:08SHE CHOMPS
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Edith has spent the last hour carefully preparing
0:02:18 > 0:02:20her Chantilly cream.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- So, Edith.- Hi, Moo.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Can I try a little...a little soupcon of cream?
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- It's at a very delicate stage. - Stage, yes.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Aargh.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37HE CHOMPS
0:02:37 > 0:02:38SHE SNIFFLES
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Ten seconds left.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48So, with the finishing touches in place, it's time for Paul and Mary
0:02:48 > 0:02:50to DECLAIR...
0:02:50 > 0:02:52SMACK Aargh. ..their favourite.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Whew. Oh, deary me.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59- You've let your bottom drop off. - Yeah.- No.
0:03:05 > 0:03:06HE SNIFFLES
0:03:07 > 0:03:12Oh, deary me. Edith, that is a disaster.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14You've got saggy cream.
0:03:21 > 0:03:26Oh, I've got to say that...that is absolutely first class.
0:03:26 > 0:03:27I'd...I'd be proud of that.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31- Yes, indeed. First class.- Yeah. - Exquisite.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33- Well done.- Very good. Very good.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35- Well done.- You should be proud.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38We have a winner.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42And for the losers, it's time for the Cake Off takeoff.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43Argh.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46- Go on, then, you like that, do you? - Stick that in your cake hole.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Well, you're noisy but nice now, aren't you?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- And coming up next on Diddy TV, Diddy Brother.- You're greedy.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Most nappies keep your baby dry on the inside.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58But what about the outside?
0:04:01 > 0:04:05With Baby Dry, never worry again about splashing...
0:04:05 > 0:04:07SPLASH
0:04:07 > 0:04:09SOUND OF BABY LAUGHING
0:04:09 > 0:04:10..sloshing...
0:04:11 > 0:04:15SLOSH
0:04:15 > 0:04:17..or even a full-on dousing.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19SPLOOSH
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Baby Dry, no matter what life throws at your baby.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27Day 37 in the Diddy Brother house and the contestants
0:04:27 > 0:04:28are having lunch.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30This is Diddy Brother.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32You have 30 seconds to eat lunch.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34KLAXON BLARES
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Ah, OK, everybody, hot naans.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43SOUND OF GUNFIRE
0:04:43 > 0:04:44Get in.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47THEY CHOMP
0:04:47 > 0:04:48Tomato sauce.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51SQUIRT
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Mustard.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58SQUIRT
0:05:01 > 0:05:02Got any onion?
0:05:05 > 0:05:08I don't like onions. Can I have anything else?
0:05:14 > 0:05:15How about lobster?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21CHUCKLING
0:05:25 > 0:05:27BURP
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Hey, you appeared on a reality show once, didn't you, Ashley?
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Sure did.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Showered in a waterfall, ate live cockroaches,
0:05:36 > 0:05:37got covered in fish guts.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Nasty.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43But now you're sat here with me watching Diddy TV. Ha-ha.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45That's better than fish guts, isn't it?
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Ashley?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50- Give me a minute, still thinking. - FART SOUND
0:05:52 > 0:05:56If music be the food of love, then switch it off.
0:05:56 > 0:05:57Switch it off.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04APPLAUSE
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Hello and welcome to DiddyPops.
0:06:06 > 0:06:11Yes, at number one in the Diddy charts for the 15th week running,
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- it's Breaking Wind. - APPLAUSE
0:06:14 > 0:06:15# One, two, three
0:06:15 > 0:06:17# If you're exiting a very crowded lift
0:06:17 > 0:06:21# And you want to leave a little party gift
0:06:21 > 0:06:22# Don't let it out too late
0:06:22 > 0:06:24# Or they won't appreciate
0:06:24 > 0:06:27# The aroma of your generous odour drift
0:06:27 > 0:06:31# If you want to cause amusement on a train
0:06:31 > 0:06:33# Or test the air conditioning on a plane
0:06:33 > 0:06:37# Get coffee in your seat, prepare to generate some heat
0:06:37 > 0:06:39# But check you're not near any naked flames
0:06:53 > 0:06:56# Halfway through a crucial interview
0:06:56 > 0:07:00# You're struggling but you don't know what to do
0:07:00 > 0:07:03# A little trumping session always makes a good impression
0:07:03 > 0:07:06# So for breakfast have some pizza, cabbage, too
0:07:06 > 0:07:09# While engaging in a nice romantic dinner
0:07:09 > 0:07:13# Your companion doesn't smell or even glimmer
0:07:13 > 0:07:16# You want to break the ice, here's some fabulous advice
0:07:16 > 0:07:19# Drop your guts, it's sure to be a winner
0:07:19 > 0:07:20# Here we go
0:07:33 > 0:07:36# Now we've shown you just what you can do
0:07:36 > 0:07:39# When you want to instigate a ballyhoo
0:07:39 > 0:07:42# Trump at your leisure, it really is a pleasure
0:07:42 > 0:07:46# But just make sure you never follow through
0:07:46 > 0:07:48# Just make sure you never follow through. #
0:07:48 > 0:07:52BLOWS TRUMPET
0:07:52 > 0:07:55FARTING SOUNDS
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Hello, boys and girls. Are you sitting comfortably? Good.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Well, here's Dicky with a lovely story.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Oh, do I have to?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Look, do I have to get out the hamster jam?
0:08:14 > 0:08:15BEES BUZZING
0:08:15 > 0:08:20Hello, boys and girls, I'm going to read you the story of
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Timmy And His Magic Pebble.
0:08:24 > 0:08:25Sounds exciting, doesn't it?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28All right, all right, yes, I'm doing it.
0:08:28 > 0:08:33"Timmy loved nothing more in the world than collecting pebbles."
0:08:33 > 0:08:37I mean, seriously, why? Was there something wrong with him?
0:08:37 > 0:08:38Argh. Argh.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40All right, I'll read it.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48"One day, he found a very big, very shiny pebble
0:08:48 > 0:08:53"which he knew at once was a magic pebble that would be his friend."
0:08:53 > 0:08:56I mean, where are his parents? That's what I want to know.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00- HE CLEARS HIS THROAT - All right.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03"With a swoosh and a whoosh, and a swirl of magic,
0:09:03 > 0:09:07"the big pebble rescued all of the stranded dolphins."
0:09:08 > 0:09:12Oh, dear, I seem to have missed a bit.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Oh, well, don't worry, I mean, you'll catch up eventually.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18- It's not Shakespeare, is it? - Look, this is your last warning.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20BEES BUZZING
0:09:20 > 0:09:25Um... "'Thank you, Timmy,' said the King of the Mermaids.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28"'Your magic pebble has saved my dolphin friends.'"
0:09:28 > 0:09:31But seriously, Timmy, you might want to stop hanging round with
0:09:31 > 0:09:33pebbles and get some friends of your own age.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37You know what I'm saying? Argh. All right.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41"And Timmy said, 'To be fair, the reason I have no friends
0:09:41 > 0:09:45"'is I'm a snot-nosed little brat with a pebble fixation.'"
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Argh.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50"And he went home and never left his room ever..."
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Argh. "..again."
0:09:52 > 0:09:53The end.
0:09:53 > 0:09:58Argh! Get off! Argh! Argh!
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Argh! Get off.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Goodnight my lucky ducklings.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04Sweet dreams.
0:10:08 > 0:10:13Now, I'd like to tell you a story about how this got commissioned.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Diddy Roadshow.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Hello, and welcome to the Diddy Roadshow.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24And have we got some treasures to show you today.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- And so, to our first objet... - Of the day.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30- Bin?- Don't care.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Never liked it anyway.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Join us next week when we'll be looking at more expensive tut.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42And next week's episode will be coming from
0:10:42 > 0:10:43a disused toilet factory.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47I appeared on the Antiques show once.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48It was awful.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Working with dusty old things that had seen better days and might fall
0:10:51 > 0:10:53- apart at any moment.- Oh.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56But now you're sat here with me.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57How times change, hey?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Hey, adverts, yay.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Hello, hello.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09I am a real-life dentist.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13And this is a real-life person.
0:11:13 > 0:11:18Hello, I am a real-life person stood next to this real-life dentist.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Buy Toothy Fresh, please.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Otherwise my agent will drop me if this isn't...
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- Enough, enough, Sebastian, enough. - Oh.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Buy Toothy Fresh.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32I'm not an actor, either.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:11:37 > 0:11:41- Hiya. I'm Bradley Guffaw... - And I'm Shane Titter.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- Welcome to... - BOTH: Just For Pranks.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48The show with more wind-ups than a grandfather clock.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50LAUGHTER
0:11:50 > 0:11:51It's us.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Let's get on with our first prank. Ha-ha.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59This is our very fake and very bad car garage.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02And this is Ken Satsuma.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Our first and only customer.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Ken's brought in his pride and joy.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11His flashy yellow sports car.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13To fix a scratch.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17What if he thought we'd misunderstood him?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Let's see. Ha-ha.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Ah, morning, sir.
0:12:24 > 0:12:25Oh, about time.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Sorry about the delay but we're ready to fix your car now.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Be done in a tick.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32LAUGHTER
0:12:32 > 0:12:33CRASH
0:12:33 > 0:12:35My car.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38- What have you done?- You said you wanted it scrapped.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42No, I said I wanted you to fix the scratch.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Oh, it's too late for that now, mate.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46That will cost you 500 quid.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47SHRIEKS WITH LAUGHTER
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Ken, Ken, Ken, we're not really mechanics.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53It's us from the telly.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57- What?- BOTH: Just For Pranks.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00You mean, no way, this is all just a set-up?
0:13:00 > 0:13:02BOTH: Yes.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Oh, and you haven't crushed my car?
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Oh, no, we crushed your car.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09But we did it
0:13:09 > 0:13:11on the telly.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13How can we make it look like we wrecked your car
0:13:13 > 0:13:15if we didn't wreck your car?
0:13:15 > 0:13:19No, you're supposed to use a fake car or mirrors or something.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Another great prank there, Bradley.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23It wasn't a prank!
0:13:23 > 0:13:25LAUGHTER
0:13:25 > 0:13:27See you next time and until then, remember, it's...
0:13:27 > 0:13:29BOTH: Just For Pranks.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:39 > 0:13:43And with that legal nightmare behind us, it's time to say good evening,
0:13:43 > 0:13:45goodnight and good riddance.
0:13:45 > 0:13:52# Diddy TV! Diddy TV! Channel 6597423
0:13:52 > 0:13:55# A brand-new rival for the BBC
0:13:55 > 0:13:58# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05# Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV! #