0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Larry Weinsteinburger, the Diddy Movies boss
0:00:04 > 0:00:06# His last few films have flopped with catastrophic money loss
0:00:06 > 0:00:10# So he's ditching Diddy Movies for the thrill of television
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# The small screen is the future for those with any vision
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# With Larry's bottom dollar he's launched a TV station
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# Packed with creativity, style and innovation
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# Diddy TV, Diddy TV
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# Channel 6-5-9-7-4-2-3
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# A brand-new rival for the BBC
0:00:29 > 0:00:33# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #
0:00:34 > 0:00:37It's Christmas here on Diddy TV.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Course it is, it's Christmas everywhere.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42We don't live in a big time bubble or something.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46MasterSanta!
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- WITH AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: - Hello! I'm John Shouty!
0:00:49 > 0:00:54And I'm Gregg Potato and welcome to MasterSanta.
0:00:58 > 0:01:03Keith! Leonard! Welcome to MasterSanta.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07The search to find Britain's best amateur Santa
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- is on.- Keith!
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Will you be decking my halls?!
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Or will you be decking my patio?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Leonard!
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Will you be pulling my cracker?!
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Will you be jingling my bells?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Let's find out.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28We all know a good Santa can munch a mince pie.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30But who can munch the most?
0:01:31 > 0:01:32Go.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34- On-nom-nom...!- Om-nom...! - One minute!
0:01:34 > 0:01:3630 seconds!
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Quarter to three!
0:01:38 > 0:01:39A week last Tuesday!
0:01:39 > 0:01:41The square root of 16!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44The 8:15 from Paris!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Numbers!
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Well done, Keith. Well done.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the city
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Not a creature was stirring, not even a Diddy
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Then Santa came in to this vision of calm
0:01:59 > 0:02:01And foolishly set off...
0:02:01 > 0:02:03THE SANTA ALARM! ALARM BLARES
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Hold it right there, Santa.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06I've made a list.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10I've checked it twice and you're not leaving here
0:02:10 > 0:02:13till I've got the lot of it.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Number one - five-speed bicycle.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20A smart TV, a games console, a superhero costume,
0:02:20 > 0:02:23an MP3 player, monkey wrench,
0:02:23 > 0:02:25strawberry porridge machine,
0:02:25 > 0:02:28spanner, speedboat,
0:02:28 > 0:02:29and a weekend in Mansfield.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Fit a Santa alarm this Christmas
0:02:32 > 0:02:35and make sure you get what you're entitled to!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Here, Santa's all about presents,
0:02:40 > 0:02:45but can you figure what's inside from the feel?
0:02:45 > 0:02:46Keith.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Is it a car?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Open it, then.
0:02:51 > 0:02:52CHAINSAW WHIRS
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Ooh! A car!
0:02:55 > 0:02:57What about you, Leonard?
0:02:57 > 0:02:59A tennis racket!
0:02:59 > 0:03:00Open it!
0:03:00 > 0:03:01WHIRRING
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Uh?!
0:03:05 > 0:03:06THEY TUT
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Know your reindeer, Leonard?
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Uh, Rudolf...
0:03:13 > 0:03:16..Dasher...
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Blixen...
0:03:18 > 0:03:20- ..Dopey?- Huh!
0:03:20 > 0:03:23- Mr Tickle. - HE GUFFAWS
0:03:23 > 0:03:25- Sandra? - HE HOWLS WITH LAUGHTER
0:03:28 > 0:03:29It's time to put this all together
0:03:29 > 0:03:33and find out who's going to be crowned MasterSanta.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34Go!
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Right, I want a bike.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45You're learning.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48OK, Keith, it's your turn - go!
0:03:48 > 0:03:51HE GRUNTS AND HOLLERS
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, mate!
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Looks like you've choked in the chimney.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57- KEITH YELLS - So...
0:03:57 > 0:03:59we have a winner.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02This year's MasterSanta is you, Leonard.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Get me out of here!
0:04:05 > 0:04:08# 'Tis the season to watch telly
0:04:08 > 0:04:10# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
0:04:10 > 0:04:12# Watch TV and fill your belly
0:04:12 > 0:04:14# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
0:04:14 > 0:04:17# Christmas specials, they're so festive
0:04:17 > 0:04:19# Watch them while pud's digestin'
0:04:19 > 0:04:22# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la... #
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Larry, I love Christmas.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28It's a time for all the family.
0:04:28 > 0:04:29Ha-ha!
0:04:29 > 0:04:33- More telly, Eamonn? - More telly, Larry.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la. #
0:04:37 > 0:04:39It's good to remember the less fortunate at this time of year,
0:04:39 > 0:04:42such as the contestants of this show.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47Stars In Their Pies!
0:04:47 > 0:04:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Hello and welcome to the Stars In Their Pies Christmas special.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57CHEERING
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Yes, this is the show that allows members of the general public
0:05:00 > 0:05:02to be a star for the day.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06- Just so long as that star is... ALL:- ..baked in a pie!
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Now you're getting it!
0:05:08 > 0:05:13So tonight's fantastic festive filo favourite
0:05:13 > 0:05:15is Claire McCoy from Colchester.
0:05:15 > 0:05:16CHEERING
0:05:16 > 0:05:17Hello, Claire.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19What do we need to know about you?
0:05:19 > 0:05:25Well, Mike, I'm a drain inspector with no sense of smell.
0:05:25 > 0:05:30- Oh, and I can also armpit trump Jingle Bells!- AUDIENCE:- Ooooh!
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Well, go on and do it, let's be hearing it!
0:05:33 > 0:05:36SHE TRUMPS MELODY OF "JINGLE BELLS"
0:05:36 > 0:05:39AUDIENCE CLAP ALONG
0:05:45 > 0:05:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:05:49 > 0:05:51THEY COUGH AND SPLUTTER
0:05:51 > 0:05:53So, Claire, do you like stars?
0:05:53 > 0:05:54- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:05:54 > 0:05:56And do you like pies?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58- AUDIENCE:- Yes!- Well, you've come to the right place,
0:05:58 > 0:06:02because it's time to play Stars In Their Pies!
0:06:02 > 0:06:04But first, Claire,
0:06:04 > 0:06:06give us a clue as to who you're going to be for us tonight.
0:06:06 > 0:06:11Well, Mike, this star was born in 1944
0:06:11 > 0:06:13in Atlanta, Georgia.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17She's most famous for singing Christmas songs
0:06:17 > 0:06:22and like all good pies, she's been covered over 100 times.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Not with gravy, I hope!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26LAUGHTER
0:06:27 > 0:06:30HE CONTINUES TO LAUGH ALONE
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- No.- Now, what about that all-important pie?
0:06:37 > 0:06:41It's the pie you can only get at this time of year.
0:06:41 > 0:06:47It used to be full of mutton, but now it's a calorific sweet treat.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49I think we know what to expect,
0:06:49 > 0:06:52so, Claire, if you'd like to go off and get changed.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Now, tonight, on Stars In Their Pies,
0:06:56 > 0:06:59it's time for Claire McCoy from Colchester
0:06:59 > 0:07:02to get us all rockin' around that Christmas tree
0:07:02 > 0:07:05as she becomes... CHEERING
0:07:05 > 0:07:09..Brenda Lee baked in a traditional mince pie
0:07:09 > 0:07:11topped with lots of whipped cream.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Take it away, Claire.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17CHEERING, AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG TO MELODY
0:07:20 > 0:07:22# Rockin' around the Christmas tree
0:07:22 > 0:07:25# At the Christmas party hop
0:07:26 > 0:07:29# Mistletoe hung where you can see
0:07:29 > 0:07:32# Every couple tries to stop
0:07:33 > 0:07:36# Rockin' around the Christmas tree
0:07:36 > 0:07:38# Have a happy holiday... #
0:07:38 > 0:07:40CHEERING It's snowing!
0:07:40 > 0:07:43# Everyone dancing merrily
0:07:43 > 0:07:53# In the new old-fashioned way! #
0:07:53 > 0:07:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:54 > 0:07:56That's all we've got time for this week,
0:07:56 > 0:07:58so merry Christmas!
0:07:58 > 0:08:01CHEERING
0:08:03 > 0:08:05SHE SHRIEKS
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Now, time for a Christmas treat from the archives.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10They're on every year, it's always the same -
0:08:10 > 0:08:13it's Skeggy & Dumb.
0:08:13 > 0:08:14APPLAUSE
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the show.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Oh, now, folks, have we got a show for you tonight?
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Have we got a show for you tonight!
0:08:25 > 0:08:28- Have we got a show for them tonight? - I don't know.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Hey, why don't you introduce tonight's special guest?
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Oh, yes, oh, yes. Would you please welcome...
0:08:32 > 0:08:34DRUMROLL
0:08:34 > 0:08:36..Miss Angela Gibbons!
0:08:36 > 0:08:37Oh, yes!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39APPLAUSE
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Hello!
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Hello, sir.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48"Hello, sir"!
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Is it the ad breaks?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Who's she?
0:08:53 > 0:08:55A newsreader or something.
0:08:55 > 0:08:56Always is.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58HE CHUCKLES
0:08:58 > 0:09:01# ..two, three, four, bacon!
0:09:01 > 0:09:03# And eggs
0:09:03 > 0:09:07# And lots of baked beans, lots of baked beans, lots of baked beans
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- # Bacon! - Eggs!
0:09:10 > 0:09:13# Lots of baked beans, lots of baked beans, baked beans
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- # Bacon! - And eggs
0:09:15 > 0:09:20# And lots of baked beans, lots of baked beans, lots of baked beans
0:09:20 > 0:09:21# Bacon
0:09:21 > 0:09:23# Eggs
0:09:23 > 0:09:25# Lots of baked beans, lots of baked beans, baked beans
0:09:25 > 0:09:33ALL: # Guess what we had for our tea! #
0:09:33 > 0:09:35APPLAUSE
0:09:35 > 0:09:37I'll smash your face in.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42HE CHORTLES
0:09:42 > 0:09:44As funny today as it's always been.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47You can't have Christmas without Skeggy & Dumb, can you?
0:09:47 > 0:09:50It's a tradition, like roasting chestnuts.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Exactly, or picking the worst card from the selection box
0:09:53 > 0:09:56and sending it to people you don't like!
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Or stripping down to your underwear and having
0:09:58 > 0:10:01a snowball fight in the streets!
0:10:01 > 0:10:03LAUGHTER DIES DOWN
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Or was that just my family?
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Well, ladies and gentlemen,
0:10:08 > 0:10:10I'm afraid that's all we've got time for.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Thank you for watching and merry Christmas
0:10:12 > 0:10:14and happy 1973.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16- Yes. Pardon?- Eh?
0:10:16 > 0:10:17- Just do the song.- All right.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- # Boom!- Ooh!- Ya-ta-ta-tow!
0:10:19 > 0:10:21# Boom! Ya-ta-ta-tow!
0:10:21 > 0:10:23- # Boom!- Ooh!- Ya-ta-ta-tow!
0:10:23 > 0:10:24- # Boom!- Ooh!- Ya-ta-ta-tow...! #
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Keep going, keep going.
0:10:26 > 0:10:27- # Boom!- Ooh!- Ya-ta-ta-tow!
0:10:27 > 0:10:29# Boom...! #
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Is it the holidays? Is it the holidays?! IS IT THE HOLIDAYS?!
0:10:33 > 0:10:35CHEERING
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Yes, it's the holidays and time for
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Strictly Come Christmas Booby Trapped!
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Please welcome Caroline Flinny and Kevin Didditon,
0:10:47 > 0:10:49dancing the tango...
0:10:52 > 0:10:54..with booby traps.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56I'm scared, Kevin.
0:10:56 > 0:11:02Oh, don't worry, Flicky - all you have to do is follow my lead.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04LATINO MUSIC PLAYS
0:11:09 > 0:11:11CREAKING, HE EXCLAIMS
0:11:16 > 0:11:18THEY YELP
0:11:24 > 0:11:25BUBBLING
0:11:25 > 0:11:27THEY GRUNT AND EXCLAIM
0:11:33 > 0:11:35- CHEERING - Oh, dear.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Judges, your scores.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Len Len Half-Past-Ten?
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Whoa, eh?! Walnuts! Phweh! Have it!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Tell you what that was - explosive!
0:11:47 > 0:11:51Full of emotion and cranberry sauce.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54In a way, it was a Christmas present to all of us.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56It's rousing 10,000!
0:11:56 > 0:11:57CHEERING
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Craig Bag-Of-Revels.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Well, darlings, I know it's Christmas and I should be nice,
0:12:03 > 0:12:06but if you're going to drown in a festive condiment,
0:12:06 > 0:12:08at least do it in style.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09No score from me.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12BOOING
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Eww! Kevin!
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Diddy Bussell.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Rubbish!
0:12:18 > 0:12:21But...Christmas rubbish.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Ten!
0:12:22 > 0:12:23CHEERING
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Way-hay!
0:12:25 > 0:12:26And Bruno Ravioli?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Darlings...
0:12:28 > 0:12:32The way the berry sauce covered you up, oh! It's magnificato...
0:12:32 > 0:12:35HE EXCLAIMS IN COD ITALIAN
0:12:35 > 0:12:37I'm giving you...
0:12:38 > 0:12:40..a ten!
0:12:40 > 0:12:41CHEERING Ten!
0:12:41 > 0:12:44BUBBLING
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Join us next time for more Strictly Come Booby Trapped!
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Anyone else want some cranberry sauce?
0:12:52 > 0:12:53Oh, suit yourselves.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56It's disgusting.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Shut your face, Len.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01I've watched so much telly,
0:13:01 > 0:13:04I feel like I'm wearing chilli powder contact lenses.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05I've eaten so much,
0:13:05 > 0:13:09my jaws are now strong enough to bite through coconuts.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11I haven't moved from this sofa for five hours.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15And I've needed to go to the toilet for four hours and 30 minutes.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- BOTH:- Best Christmas ever!
0:13:18 > 0:13:23Telly Christmas, everyone! Yay!
0:13:23 > 0:13:27And so all that remains is for me to wish you a very Diddy Christmas.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Oh, that's me! A very Diddy Christmas.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33# Diddy TV, Diddy TV
0:13:33 > 0:13:37# Channel 6-5-9-7-4-2-3
0:13:37 > 0:13:40# A brand-new rival for the BBC
0:13:40 > 0:13:44# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV
0:13:47 > 0:13:50# Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #