0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Larry Weinsteinberger the Diddy Movies boss
0:00:03 > 0:00:06# His last few films have flopped with catastrophic money loss
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# So he's ditching Diddy Movies for the thrill of television
0:00:09 > 0:00:13# The small screen is the future for those with any vision
0:00:13 > 0:00:17# With Larry's bottom dollar he's launched a TV station
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# Packed with creativity Style and innovation
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# Diddy TV! Diddy TV!
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# Channel 6597423
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# A brand-new rival for the BBC
0:00:29 > 0:00:31# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV! #
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Welcome to Diddy TV.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Our mission is to entertain, educate and inform.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Ah, I told them I could say that with a straight face.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44PRESENTER: These kids have no idea that they're about to have
0:00:44 > 0:00:46a very special lesson in magic.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Is it your school?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Is it your class? Let's find out.
0:00:51 > 0:00:56Hello, I'm Merlin Gandalf. I'm your new supply teacher for the day.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00- ALL:- Good morning, Merlin Gandalf.
0:01:00 > 0:01:05So far, so good. The kids have no idea Merlin is a wizard.
0:01:05 > 0:01:09- Sir, are you a wi...? - No...shouting out!
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- GASPING - Ribbit!
0:01:12 > 0:01:13Cookery.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17So worms' intestines,
0:01:17 > 0:01:20bats' eyeballs,
0:01:20 > 0:01:22lizards' lips...
0:01:22 > 0:01:24..and a pinch of paprika. Right, who wants to try some?
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Rose does!
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Eh? Oh, right, Rose, nice you've volunteered. Up you come.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36Here you are, go on, then. Why volunteer? Try some of that.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38- Cluck-cluck!- Now go and sit down. - GASPING
0:01:38 > 0:01:41- Go on.- This is one lesson they'll never forget.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45And they still have no idea their supply teacher is a wizard.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49- Sir, are you...?- Shut up!
0:01:49 > 0:01:51GASPING
0:01:51 > 0:01:52Time for art now.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Art with a capital A for awesome!
0:01:55 > 0:01:57All right - now, pay attention.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Notice that I never actually touch the brush.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Huh?
0:02:07 > 0:02:09What do you think about that?
0:02:09 > 0:02:11It's a load of rubb...
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Brilliance.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Well, Charles, I've actually got a confession to make
0:02:17 > 0:02:20because I'm not actually a regular supply teacher...
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Really?! I'd never have guessed.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26I am actually...a wizard!
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Look, there's the camera!
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Amazing!
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- That explains the hat and the beard...- Yeah!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37..and changing my friends into pumpkins and that.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Exactly! Well, until next time.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42But, sir, aren't you going to
0:02:42 > 0:02:43change them back?!
0:02:43 > 0:02:45GASPING
0:02:45 > 0:02:47I hate shouting.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Priceless!
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Another class completely duped.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55So next time you have a supply teacher who's acting
0:02:55 > 0:02:58a bit strange, how long will it take for you to shout...
0:02:58 > 0:03:01- ALL:- Help, My Supply Teacher Is A Wizard!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Classic!
0:03:05 > 0:03:09# I'm wearing a white shirt
0:03:09 > 0:03:12# And I hurt
0:03:13 > 0:03:16# So much... #
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Introducing the amazing debut album
0:03:18 > 0:03:21of international pop sensation...
0:03:21 > 0:03:25Featuring the massive hit single I'm Walking In The Rain.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29# I'm walking in the rain
0:03:29 > 0:03:33# Like a drain
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- # I'm so wet...- #
0:03:36 > 0:03:39And introducing the brand-new classic
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I'm Stroking A Pony.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45# She let's me stroke her hair
0:03:45 > 0:03:48# Cos I care
0:03:49 > 0:03:52# Oh, yeah. #
0:03:52 > 0:03:56The safe, safe sound of Gary Boyfriend - My First Album.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Take him home to meet your mum today.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02# I'm wearing a white shirt... #
0:04:03 > 0:04:07- BOTH:- Mum, Mum, make us some sweets!
0:04:07 > 0:04:09- Mum!- Why not make your own?
0:04:11 > 0:04:15Presenting everything you need to make your own sweets.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18In just four hours, using a simple 17-step recipe
0:04:18 > 0:04:21and 20 quid's worth of raw ingredients,
0:04:21 > 0:04:25you too can make a handful of low-quality sweeties.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28They test every bit as good as they look.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Why not make your own sweets?
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Because it's blinking hard work, that's why.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34So shut up and stop asking me!
0:04:34 > 0:04:37BARKING AND CRYING
0:04:37 > 0:04:38And stop whining.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Sweets - surprisingly tricky.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45DiddyWitter members can use the hashtag #stopthismadnessnow.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47But a fat lot of good it'll do them.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Hello, and welcome to DiddyPops.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59Here with this week's number one, please whoop and cheer for
0:04:59 > 0:05:03Diddy Dick and Dom and The Good Old Diddy Boys.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Now, I'll only say this once,
0:06:32 > 0:06:36it's Richard Diddy Duck's World Of Wonder Presents...
0:06:36 > 0:06:37The Dinkas.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46You join me deep in the rainforest where the long-lost Dinka tribe
0:06:46 > 0:06:51have allowed me to experience their age-old culture first-hand.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Let me introduce you to Flapping Chicken...
0:06:55 > 0:06:56Buck-buck!
0:06:56 > 0:06:58And...
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Does Not Mime.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04Now, before I join these proud, but primitive people,
0:07:04 > 0:07:07I must first undergo their ancient naming ceremony
0:07:07 > 0:07:09to determine my own Dinka name.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12DICK SNIGGERS
0:07:18 > 0:07:19It has been decreed.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22For the next 24 hours I shall be known as...
0:07:22 > 0:07:23Mud In Face.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25THEY LAUGH AND CHANT
0:07:26 > 0:07:30'That night, I'm offered the greatest delicacy in Dinka cuisine -
0:07:30 > 0:07:32'hot air soup.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36'Using the traditional skyhook, I feast on the unfeastable.'
0:07:41 > 0:07:44And now I shall become a true Dinka warrior, by undertaking
0:07:44 > 0:07:48the Tiger Walk - treading barefoot across these red-hot coals.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Now, to our Western eyes,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53this may seem dangerous,
0:07:53 > 0:07:55but I'm informed by my hosts
0:07:55 > 0:07:59that as long as my heart is pure and my soul...
0:07:59 > 0:08:01- Argghhh! - DICK LAUGHS
0:08:01 > 0:08:03And my soul... Argggh!
0:08:03 > 0:08:04Why is it called the Tiger Walk again?
0:08:04 > 0:08:07GROWLING
0:08:09 > 0:08:10Whaaaaagh!
0:08:10 > 0:08:12HE SHRIEKS
0:08:12 > 0:08:13DICK LAUGHS
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Eh? Eh? Eh? THEY SNIGGER
0:08:22 > 0:08:23And so...
0:08:23 > 0:08:25I come to the end of my brief,
0:08:25 > 0:08:28but memorable time here with the Dinka tribe.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30FARTING
0:08:30 > 0:08:31Excuse me.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Nothing but hot air soup.
0:08:34 > 0:08:35Lucky me!
0:08:35 > 0:08:40- THEY LAUGH You see, I reckon, I reckon...- Yeah?
0:08:40 > 0:08:41..we could get him to jump off
0:08:41 > 0:08:43- Knifedagger Cliff.- What, what -
0:08:43 > 0:08:46give him a magic feather to hold or something like that, yeah?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Ha-ha! Prat.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51You... You!
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Now, what's happened here is,
0:08:53 > 0:08:56you've corrupted us with your outside influence.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Yeah, it's totally your fault. I mean, we were happy primitives,
0:08:59 > 0:09:01until you came here with your, like,
0:09:01 > 0:09:03so-called civilisation!
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- Wasn't even a real tiger! - GROWLING
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Huh - yeah. As if I'm going to fall for THAT...
0:09:08 > 0:09:09AAAARGH!
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Team Deathmatch?
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Yeah, all right.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15VIDEO GAME EFECTS
0:09:18 > 0:09:21I had to live in the jungle. As one of my Blue Peter challenges.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Really?
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Yeah, it was tough.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25I can imagine.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29Living in a hut, eating insects, washing in a waterfall...
0:09:29 > 0:09:30I lost my sunglasses.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Aww. That must have been terrible(!)
0:09:33 > 0:09:35So - how you gonna follow that?
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Oh, this year's challenge is the toughest yet.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40It's going to take me to the very edge of my sanity.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41What is it?!
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Well... Ooh -
0:09:42 > 0:09:44I'll tell you after, I can't miss this.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46Hey! You!
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- Who, me?!- Yes - you!
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Want to see something cool?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Yeah. I surely would.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55Talk to me, Mother!
0:09:55 > 0:10:00Show...me... MORE!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02There's loads of great shows on Diddy TV.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04- BOTH:- Oh, really?!
0:10:04 > 0:10:07That's not what I heard!
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Rubbish!
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Ever get a feeling your words are being taken out of context?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Ten!
0:10:14 > 0:10:16All great shows, all the time.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I wouldn't show that to my dog.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Don't you hate it when TV channels are too cheap
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- to make proper trailers?- Yeah.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27No - it's really good!
0:10:27 > 0:10:28"Really good"(!)
0:10:28 > 0:10:32Yeah! "It's really good"(!)
0:10:32 > 0:10:33Stop that!
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- BOTH:- Wooo(!)
0:10:35 > 0:10:37I'm on next... Watch it.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38# Diddy TV! #
0:10:41 > 0:10:43APPLAUSE
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Hello, and welcome to Diddy Or No Diddy,
0:10:48 > 0:10:50the game where random guessing
0:10:50 > 0:10:54is dressed up as skill and spooky intuition.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55APPLAUSE
0:10:58 > 0:11:01So let's meet today's contestant, who is Johnny Obvious.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04So er...Johnny, what strategy
0:11:04 > 0:11:06will you be employing today?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Er, just going to be really obvious and guess.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12I love it! Not even a hint of maverick in this guy.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13I don't even know what it means.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17Well, it means...an unorthodox or...
0:11:17 > 0:11:21independent-minded person, or nonconformist or free-spirited.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25- Well, I just meant I'm really, really standard.- Good for you.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Walk your own path, be that boring person inside.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Thanks, Barry.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33So, in one of these boxes is a Diddy.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35It's your job to find it.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Yeah, obviously.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Yeah. Obviously.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42So - it's time to play... Diddy Or No Diddy.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Johnny, choose your first box.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Oi. Number 7!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Number 7, over 'ere...
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Erm...
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Number 1.
0:11:55 > 0:11:56OK...
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Number 1, open the box.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01AUDIENCE: Awww!
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Oh, no Diddy.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04So Johnny, choose another box -
0:12:04 > 0:12:06really try and detect that Diddy.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Oi, mate. Here, mate!
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Er...
0:12:09 > 0:12:12It's number 7, I'm here in number 7.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- ..number 2.- You're kidding!
0:12:15 > 0:12:17OK... Number 2.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Open your box.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19AUDIENCE: Awww!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Well...!
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Amazingly, no Diddy.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27Tell me, Johnny - are you guessing or...just counting?
0:12:27 > 0:12:28PHONE RINGS Er...
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Thank goodness.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Yeah?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Yeah, well, he's the best we could get.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Well, the others couldn't even count.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40Right... The banker says try box 7.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41Oi-oi! Number 7!
0:12:41 > 0:12:43No, he's just trying to put me off the scent.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45REALLY?!
0:12:45 > 0:12:47- Oi...!- Yeah. You can't fool me.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Number 7!
0:12:48 > 0:12:507! 7!
0:12:50 > 0:12:53- Number 3.- No...! - AUDIENCE: Awww!
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- No, it's a fix.- Right! That's it. I'm leaving.
0:12:55 > 0:13:00Congratulations, Johnny, you're the new host of Diddy Or No Diddy.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01No, hang on - number 4.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03I've had enough of this.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Shave this beard off. It's all gone crrrazy!
0:13:07 > 0:13:11That's all we've got time for on Diddy Or No Diddy. Obviously.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15So we'll see you same time tomorrow. Erm...
0:13:15 > 0:13:16Obviously.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18APPLAUSE
0:13:21 > 0:13:25If you send us a stamped addressed envelope with your name and address,
0:13:25 > 0:13:28we can throw it into our stamped addressed envelope bin. Goodbye!
0:13:28 > 0:13:32# Diddy TV, Diddy TV
0:13:32 > 0:13:35# Channel 6597423
0:13:35 > 0:13:38# A brand-new rival for the BBC
0:13:38 > 0:13:42# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV
0:13:45 > 0:13:48# Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV! #