:02:04. > :02:09.Roberts. And I'm Felicity Bond. You're watching DNN. All the news in
:02:09. > :02:15.the world literally right now. Coming up on today's show, a world
:02:15. > :02:21.exclusive with Wayne Rooney. exciting future of school exams?
:02:21. > :02:31.the musical tribute to the one and only Harry Styles. That's on DNN.
:02:31. > :02:39.
:02:40. > :02:47.First the headlines: Why is your script on yellow paper and mine on
:02:47. > :02:54.purple? Because in many cultures yellow is wisdom and purple is the
:02:54. > :03:01.opposite of yellow, which means, sglshgs There's an egg in my cup!
:03:01. > :03:11.First a banana-flavoured lollipop is too tasty to share. Boy does least
:03:11. > :03:11.
:03:11. > :03:20.convincing impression of a Dalek ever. We think from stat spot take
:03:20. > :03:27.12 steps west. And the Czechle sisters try something out without
:03:27. > :03:33.reading the instructions Wow! She looked hypnotised to me. We all know
:03:33. > :03:43.you can't really hypnotise someone. Is that right, Rob? You would have
:03:43. > :03:45.
:03:45. > :03:54.to be a weak-minded idiot. Two words to say to you... Song: Gangnam Style
:03:54. > :04:00.by Psy I so own him! Felicity, the flying graphic. Duck! Works, that
:04:00. > :04:07.means we've got some breaking news. So, let's go live to Britain's
:04:08. > :04:14.unluckiest reporter, Phil Tyme harks has news of an unlikely news of a
:04:14. > :04:18.sighting of a famous monster. Where are you? I'm at Loch Ness. This is
:04:18. > :04:23.the 80th anniversary of Nessie being spotted for the first time. I've had
:04:24. > :04:30.a tip-off from a local expert she's due to surface today, and I'm here
:04:30. > :04:35.to catch it, live, for DNN. Are you saying that you are live, Phil?
:04:35. > :04:41.That's exactly what I am, Felicity, live. How long have you been there
:04:41. > :04:45.Phil? Don't know, I dropped my watch in the water earlier. But more
:04:45. > :04:53.importantly when Nessie shows her face we are going to be capturing it
:04:53. > :05:00.here, live, on DNN. This is Phil Tyme live on if banks of Loch Ness.
:05:00. > :05:06.I dropped my mic! It is back to the studio. Just take them back. Where's
:05:07. > :05:15.my spare mic? Thanks Phil. It looks like you are completely wasting your
:05:15. > :05:22.time to me, but keep us updated. Right, time to head over to the man
:05:22. > :05:30.with the biggest fantasy contacts book in sport, Gary Ogden. On me
:05:30. > :05:34.head, son. What caught your eye this week? Well, Bob, controversy is
:05:34. > :05:44.training for the world's karate Championships starts at an early
:05:44. > :05:47.
:05:47. > :05:54.age. The Government cuts affect swimming lessons. And race
:05:54. > :06:00.competitors spooked as Suzanne Boyle sings the national anthem.
:06:00. > :06:05.I'm joking of course, that's the annual cheese-rolling events held
:06:06. > :06:12.every year at Cooper's Hill in Gloucestershire. Annual means every
:06:12. > :06:22.year Gary. I knew that. They chase a fake when wheel of cheese like this
:06:22. > :06:28.down a massive hill. I sent the man who put the great into grated cheese
:06:28. > :06:33.to see. This is Hannah, a veteran of cheese rolling, who has perfected
:06:33. > :06:38.the art of pinning down the sometimes stinky yellow stuff.
:06:38. > :06:43.went professional ten year ago. I haven't looked back since. How did
:06:43. > :06:47.it all start? I went out for a walk it all start? I went out for a walk
:06:47. > :06:53.with my dad. I jumped up and chased after it and caught it almost
:06:53. > :07:00.instantly. From that day on I've had this need, a need to chase cheese.
:07:00. > :07:05.But this year Hannah has some competition. 19-year-old Brie
:07:05. > :07:10.Thompson may be new to the cheese-chasing circuit but I heard
:07:10. > :07:17.she was introducing chasing maths might revolutionise the sport.
:07:17. > :07:20.What's your secret? It is called visualisation. It helps me get into
:07:20. > :07:30.the mind of that cheese and I imagine I am that cheese hurtling
:07:30. > :07:36.
:07:36. > :07:44.go well with biscuits. And then... Hurtle down the hill... Whoa! Can't
:07:44. > :07:48.stop! Ooh, me glasses. That doesn't look good. So, there you have it,
:07:48. > :07:58.not my finest hour. If you are thinking of doing the cheese roll,
:07:58. > :08:02.my advice would be take it nice and cheesy. Back to you, Gary. Glad to
:08:02. > :08:09.see your injuries have healed nicely. Don't try that at home,
:08:09. > :08:13.kids. They can't, they don't have a massive hill at home will they?
:08:14. > :08:18.cheese. They'll probably have cheese at home, Bob. Lots of talk about
:08:18. > :08:21.England's star footballer. There certainly is. I was
:08:21. > :08:27.inVice-Presidented for an exclusive chat with my close, personal friend,
:08:27. > :08:32.Wayne Rooney. Wow, really Gary?Yes, very close Wayne and I. Look at
:08:32. > :08:39.this. Just a few seconds until my close personal friend Wayne Rooney
:08:39. > :08:49.arrives. Wayne! Wayne! Wayne! Are you coming to my barbecue? Wayne!
:08:49. > :08:55.Well, there he was. Back to you in the studio. Wayne! Wayne! Er, really
:08:55. > :09:00.an exclusive, Gary. Was Rooney even there? Yes, there he is. Um, there,
:09:00. > :09:07.in the black and white cap. And that's me, and he clearly recognises
:09:07. > :09:13.me. OK, well, thanks Gary.My pleasure. I look forward to more
:09:13. > :09:19.sports exclusives soon. Checky little Rooney.
:09:19. > :09:28.Time for some bizarre but 100% real... Sorry.Not in front of the
:09:28. > :09:35.camera, what are you doing? stuck. Time for some bizarre but
:09:35. > :09:39.100% real actually celebrated national days which are 100%
:09:40. > :09:46.inexperienced reporter Jahmene Mann. First day on the job, must stay
:09:46. > :09:52.professional, LOL, send. Thanks Felicity. Bob, did you know it is
:09:52. > :09:58.national Hug Your Cat Day next week? Can't stand cats. They are going to
:09:58. > :10:04.take over the world. How long your cat day is the late nest the long
:10:04. > :10:08.line of days. It is national hug Hug Your Boss Day, Hug a Vegetarian Day
:10:08. > :10:14.and hug Hug a Plumber Day. I can't trust plumbers and their shifty
:10:14. > :10:18.eyes. I thought if everyone else is getting hugs, why shouldn't I? I
:10:18. > :10:23.went out to spread the love. Let's meet the street. Yes, it seems
:10:23. > :10:27.everyone love as hug, with all sorts of hugging days popping up I thought
:10:27. > :10:32.I would get in on the action. Today I've going to see if I can start a
:10:33. > :10:37.new movement. National hug a Jahmene Mann day. Come on, it is only going
:10:37. > :10:47.once. I think it is fair to say I got off to quite a slow start. Free
:10:47. > :11:09.
:11:09. > :11:14.hugs. Oh, come on. Yeah, go on. Oh, If there is one thing I've learnt
:11:14. > :11:24.today, it is that you should never ever hug someone without their
:11:24. > :11:25.
:11:25. > :11:30.permission. What are you doing? Hugging. No? Mann down! Mann down!
:11:30. > :11:38.Jahmene Mann there with a really fascinating report. Thanks, tell me,
:11:38. > :11:43.have you got that new album by Silly Punk yet? Yes, and by the way, it is
:11:43. > :11:53.Daft Punk. You are a Daft Punk. Thanks, Jahmene, a cup of tea would
:11:53. > :11:59.be lovely. Come here! You wanted to hug me? How did she get in there?
:11:59. > :12:04.Probably like us, through the door. The machine's ringing? Over the past
:12:04. > :12:09.month thousands of school kids have been taking their SATs. I was ace at
:12:09. > :12:14.exams. How many qualifications have you got, Flicky? Well, I graduated
:12:14. > :12:19.from High School at the top of my class and I've got two University
:12:19. > :12:25.degrees, one from Harvard in the US and one from Oxford in the UK. What
:12:25. > :12:35.about you Bob? To find out about the future of school exams here's own
:12:35. > :12:36.
:12:36. > :12:40.very own strict headmistress Nellie Osman. Thank you. I'm joined by the
:12:40. > :12:45.man in charge of setting next year's exams. Thank you for joining me.
:12:45. > :12:51.are welcome. You are quite an unpopular figure among our viewers.
:12:51. > :12:56.I have a way, it is quite unfortunate. But with the new SATs
:12:56. > :13:00.I'm developing in my underground lair I hope to improve popularity.
:13:00. > :13:07.In future we want to test more than knowledge, so we are putting
:13:07. > :13:12.together an exam that combines SATs, time wipeout and the hunger Games.
:13:12. > :13:15.Right, will that work? We have teachers testing the it out now, so
:13:15. > :13:25.they know what they can and can't give marks for. Shall we take a
:13:25. > :13:35.
:13:35. > :13:45.look? Question is 12. What's 507 take away nine? Um, 480?Wrong! It
:13:45. > :13:54.
:13:55. > :14:01.is 498. Now you must face trial. By gorilla! Woohahahaha. If I have 17
:14:01. > :14:11.plastic pies and I throw 12 at you, how many are left? Is it five?Let's
:14:11. > :14:16.find out. Mark, I don't think this is going to work in schools. Maybe
:14:16. > :14:23.you're right, but it is fun to try out on teachers. You are a very
:14:23. > :14:28.silly man. Thank you, what's 57 rounded to the nearest ten? 60. And
:14:28. > :14:35.don't even think of squirting that thing at me, my hair's waterproof
:14:35. > :14:38.anyway. Back to you. Thank you Nellie. What a pleasure to see
:14:38. > :14:43.Nellie back on our screens after that unfortunate incidents last
:14:43. > :14:51.week. It certainly is, Bob. We are taking a short break. We'll be back
:14:51. > :14:56.in a few moments. Good work everyone, stay sharp.
:14:56. > :15:01.what was that unfortunate incident you were talking about. Leapt me get
:15:01. > :15:07.my machine. No, that Nellie unfortunate incident. Robert, you
:15:07. > :15:14.promised me you wouldn't talk about that story. I think I got away with
:15:14. > :15:21.that one. My nose feels shiny, does it look shiny? What were you saying?
:15:21. > :15:26.My nose was shiny. No, the Nellie story. She was at Buckingham Palace
:15:26. > :15:33.to do a story on the Royals... we're back in five, four, 3...
:15:33. > :15:37.Welcome back to DNN. Still to come on today's show: David Cameron
:15:37. > :15:42.dancing, Harry Styles and the Lady Thatcher Lady Thatcher monster...
:15:42. > :15:48.Doesn't exist. He does exist. He stole my back. Before any of that we
:15:48. > :15:55.can go to the charming, talented and super-clever Henry Smart to see
:15:55. > :16:01.what's coming up on DNN no nonsense nightly news. Henry, so lovely to
:16:01. > :16:08.see you, as ever. Hello Felicity and hello Bob. DNN no nonsense nightly
:16:08. > :16:15.news. That's DNNNNNN for short. That's too many Ns Bob. I have 11
:16:15. > :16:20.fingers. Amazing. One for ever brain cell. No, ten fixers, that was just
:16:20. > :16:27.a pen! Henry, what have you got coming up on orexcellent show?
:16:27. > :16:32.Tonight's headlines on DNNNNN, in politics David Cameron announces new
:16:32. > :16:37.European moves. Boring!We speak to the developer that could cure
:16:37. > :16:42.diseases. Snooze fest.And we investigate if running shoes leave a
:16:42. > :16:48.large carbon footprint? I am so sleepily right now. And I suppose
:16:48. > :16:54.you can do better. I can beat all of that. Watch this, David Cameron
:16:54. > :16:59.moves as he awedations for this year's Strictly. Coronation Street
:16:59. > :17:08.star contracts balloon finger. thought you were on my side.
:17:08. > :17:13.said she is only going to put him up in here. And running imagines with
:17:13. > :17:23.Ashley Banjo. That's how you do the news. No, Bob, that's how you do the
:17:23. > :17:27.news. So, Henry, about time you got me on your show isn't it? I've got
:17:27. > :17:33.things pretty much under control if they sent Felicity but I can see why
:17:33. > :17:39.you would be better sitting next to a real journalist instead of a human
:17:39. > :17:49.chimp. Anyway, if you are looking for real news... Boring news.Join
:17:49. > :17:59.
:17:59. > :18:02.me later for DNNNNNN. And one last thing Bob. What's, that Henry?Song:
:18:02. > :18:07.Gangnam Style by Psy Song: Gangnam Style by Psy You've got something on
:18:07. > :18:12.your face. What's, that banana?No, that look of idiocy, and some
:18:12. > :18:22.banana. For all the hottest celebrity gossip
:18:22. > :18:22.
:18:22. > :18:29.let's cross live to the impressively stroply Stacey-Mayonnaise. It is
:18:29. > :18:38.Stacey-May An a svrnlingts I tell you that every week. -- Stacey-May
:18:38. > :18:42.An a s. Which of her close friends... You
:18:42. > :18:47.played the wrong clip. The one with the tiny people in it. Not that, the
:18:47. > :18:51.battle between the forces of good and evil set deep in the forest.
:18:51. > :18:56.Just play that one. This man is fighting, he's got something, she's
:18:57. > :19:00.wearing a dress. There's lots of birds, there's arrows, I don't trust
:19:00. > :19:06.the trees but there were people living in the trees. I can't keep
:19:06. > :19:15.up. What's happening? That's not the full film, Stacey-May, that's just
:19:15. > :19:18.the trailer. OK, I thought it was a bit short. What else do you have for
:19:18. > :19:22.us Stacey-May. Any music news perhaps? Do you want to tell us
:19:22. > :19:27.about your attempted entry into the pop charts? What do you mean?We've
:19:27. > :19:31.been sent a video by someone who was hoping to get their song to number
:19:31. > :19:37.one. Apparently it is a lovely tune about a pop star who Stacey-May has
:19:37. > :19:43.a bit of a crush on. Who is it again? His name is Harry Styles.Run
:19:43. > :19:51.VT. No, you can't show that! You've got hair like an otter, you've got
:19:51. > :19:58.eyes like an owl. You're the bestest decision ever made by Simon Cowell.
:19:58. > :20:08.Harry Styles, for you I would run miles and miles, your smile is just
:20:08. > :20:09.
:20:09. > :20:17.like an angel's smile. I love you. Harry Styles. Where did it, where
:20:17. > :20:23.did it enter the charts, top ten, top 20? Strangely there is no sign
:20:23. > :20:28.of it in the top 100, although apparently it sold six copies.
:20:28. > :20:33.bought one. Anti-LOLs. I put it on the internet and got positive
:20:33. > :20:40.comments. I'm not saying it is good but other people... That's my screen
:20:41. > :20:46.saver. Hang on, I don't think she was in Hollywood after all,
:20:46. > :20:54.Felicity. Whatever gave thaw idea Bob? Stacey-May will be back next
:20:54. > :20:59.week with more show business news. How did she do it, is she some kind
:20:59. > :21:03.of itchy titchy witch? Devastating news for the paparazzi recently with
:21:03. > :21:07.the news that celebrity icon David Beckham has retired from football.
:21:07. > :21:15.That's my close personal friend Obama. Thanks Gary. We are done with
:21:15. > :21:19.the sport. Beckham has retired the, has he really? Yes Bob, don't you
:21:19. > :21:24.read the news? This is what the great British public had to say on
:21:24. > :21:30.the subject. I do love the Beckhams but they choose such weird names for
:21:30. > :21:36.their kids. I don't know anyone who would do that. As I said to my
:21:36. > :21:40.cousin Gandalf, what kind of name is Harper Seven? I love you so much
:21:40. > :21:44.David Beckham. I really like David Beckham and he has tattoos of his
:21:44. > :21:54.favourite things, like his family and football, so I've got a tattoo
:21:54. > :21:59.of my favourite things, cheese and onion crisps. Oh, no! Mum? I wish I
:21:59. > :22:04.was your football. Just so I could see bits of your face as I rolled
:22:04. > :22:10.around the pitch. Time for us to go to TV's most
:22:10. > :22:16.enthusiastic weather girl, Davina Wave, who I believe is on the roof
:22:16. > :22:22.of DNN headquarters? Thank you Felicity. So, let's look at the
:22:22. > :22:26.south, and that London, where I'm ecstatic to say all you great big
:22:26. > :22:33.southern Jessies are in for a proper battering over the next few days.
:22:33. > :22:39.High winds are going to knock the froth off your cappuccinos. That
:22:39. > :22:43.wouldn't happen if you drank tea, like normal people. Let's look now
:22:43. > :22:50.at Wales a and Northern Ireland, where I'm pleased to say it is going
:22:50. > :22:54.to be frosty and foggy, or as I like to call it, froggy. Let's look in
:22:54. > :23:02.this direction over the green and pleasant Yorkshire Dales, where
:23:02. > :23:09.we'll find the glistening city of Newcastle, where leapt's be honest
:23:09. > :23:19.even when it is raining it is always shining. Ha'way the lads. Thank you
:23:19. > :23:30.
:23:30. > :23:34.Davina. You are pretty high up. I am terrible with heights, so I salute
:23:34. > :23:41.your Adversity means difficult circumstances. I know what it means,
:23:41. > :23:48.I just don't understand. I will do the weather whatever circumstances
:23:48. > :23:58.you throw at us. Let's do it and make sure you join us next week for
:23:58. > :23:59.
:23:59. > :24:03.our very first Challenge Davina. cannit wait. Has way! Careful flicky
:24:03. > :24:08.it is that out of control graphic again. That means we've got an
:24:08. > :24:12.update from TV's biggest. What's happening Phil? Still here by Loch
:24:12. > :24:17.Ness, waiting for the monster to show her face, 80 years after being
:24:17. > :24:22.spotted for the first time. With me is a local expert who claims to have
:24:22. > :24:27.seen the monster every night for as long as he can remember. Rab, clear
:24:27. > :24:34.this up for me. How come you see her so often and no-one else ever sees
:24:34. > :24:42.her at all? It is trust, my friend, if she doesnae trust you, she won't
:24:42. > :24:49.appear to you. Where does she appear? She goes in through my nose