Episode 13

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0:00:06 > 0:00:10- Hello, I'm the impeccable Felicity Bond.- And I'm Bob Roberts.

0:00:10 > 0:00:12Welcome to the DNN Top Tennn

0:00:12 > 0:00:15where we look back at our favourite moments and memories

0:00:15 > 0:00:17from the first series of DNN.

0:00:17 > 0:00:20You know, Flicky, I remember everything that happened on DNN

0:00:20 > 0:00:21like it was yesterday.

0:00:21 > 0:00:25- Really, Bob? What did happen yesterday?- Erm...

0:00:25 > 0:00:30- No, it's gone.- Well, thankfully this show is here to jog your memory.

0:00:30 > 0:00:32Oh, no, I remember! I swallowed my shoe again.

0:00:32 > 0:00:36- So, let's kick things off with, well, kicking things off.- Yes!

0:00:36 > 0:00:39The professional news anchor knows how to greet the audience in a manner

0:00:39 > 0:00:43that is friendly, but sombre, with intelligence and authority.

0:00:43 > 0:00:47Sadly, Bob is not a professional news anchor.

0:00:47 > 0:00:49So take a look at some of our weirdest welcomes.

0:00:53 > 0:00:55Hello, and welcome. I'm Bob Roberts.

0:00:55 > 0:00:57And I'm the remarkable Felicity Bond.

0:00:57 > 0:00:59And you're watching the Bob o'clock news.

0:00:59 > 0:01:03- Coming up on today's show - a wander around Wimbledon.- Oh, give me a sec.

0:01:03 > 0:01:05Entertainment news from a field.

0:01:05 > 0:01:07The Olympic anniversary games.

0:01:07 > 0:01:10- And I'll be custard pie-ing an American.- No, you will not.

0:01:10 > 0:01:12- Oh, spoilsport.- No, I don't.

0:01:12 > 0:01:14I do the best I can in difficult circumstances.

0:01:14 > 0:01:16Bob, you can not do the rest of the show in your PJs.

0:01:16 > 0:01:18Oh, you're quite right, Felicity.

0:01:20 > 0:01:23- Give us a kiss!- I only signed up to work with one muppet!

0:01:23 > 0:01:25Ha! That got rid of her.

0:01:25 > 0:01:27You're on my script? Huh? Woo!

0:01:27 > 0:01:31- All that and more, only on...- DNN!

0:01:31 > 0:01:33See if you can guess what this one is.

0:01:35 > 0:01:38- How dare you!- No! No, it doesn't mean that!

0:01:38 > 0:01:41It does mean that.

0:01:41 > 0:01:45Aah, professional journalism at its best. What's up next, then, Flicky?

0:01:45 > 0:01:48Well, Bob, it's the time unlucky reporter Phil Tyme told us

0:01:48 > 0:01:51about a supermarket giving away a lifetime supply of groceries.

0:01:51 > 0:01:55A lifetime supply of groceries! Well, you'd need a massive fridge!

0:01:55 > 0:01:57Anyway, Phil and Terry were a bit naughty

0:01:57 > 0:01:59and got into the supermarket's computer.

0:01:59 > 0:02:01Ha! And you said that man couldn't hack it.

0:02:01 > 0:02:03Well, he still got things a bit wrong

0:02:03 > 0:02:05when he tracked down the winner.

0:02:05 > 0:02:09I'm here with Donna Johns for an amazing moment.

0:02:09 > 0:02:11Donna, can you confirm for us that this

0:02:11 > 0:02:14is your Crandon's loyalty card number?

0:02:14 > 0:02:15Erm, yeah.

0:02:15 > 0:02:21- So, does this mean...?- It really does, Donna. Finally, an exclusive.

0:02:21 > 0:02:25I'm happy to tell you that you have won free groceries for life

0:02:25 > 0:02:28courtesy of Crandon's supermarket! Hit the music!

0:02:28 > 0:02:30Aaaah!

0:02:30 > 0:02:34Oh, I don't believe it! Free food for life!

0:02:34 > 0:02:35I'll never have to work again!

0:02:35 > 0:02:41So, I'd just like to say to my boss, your job's rubbish!

0:02:41 > 0:02:42And you've got BO!

0:02:42 > 0:02:45- You're fired!- No, I quit!

0:02:45 > 0:02:50Ho-ho! She's over the moon! Congratulations!

0:02:50 > 0:02:51PHONE RINGS

0:02:51 > 0:02:54Oh, can we turn the music off? Me phone's going.

0:02:54 > 0:02:55Hello?

0:02:56 > 0:02:59Oh, Terry, it's the owner of Crandon's.

0:02:59 > 0:03:00What?

0:03:02 > 0:03:03Oh...

0:03:03 > 0:03:05Cheese and crackers, man.

0:03:05 > 0:03:07Donna, I am so sorry...

0:03:08 > 0:03:11- I had it upside down.- What?

0:03:11 > 0:03:15- You haven't won. - But I just quit my job.

0:03:16 > 0:03:19Terry...start the van.

0:03:19 > 0:03:23This is Phil Tyme chucking some change into Donna's leaving kitty,

0:03:23 > 0:03:24live for DNN.

0:03:24 > 0:03:28- Right, come here. - I'm so sorry! Oh!

0:03:28 > 0:03:29Phil Tyme there.

0:03:29 > 0:03:32A man who couldn't break a story if it was made of cream crackers.

0:03:32 > 0:03:34Next, it's Newcastle's finest export,

0:03:34 > 0:03:36unbreakable weather girl, Davina Wave.

0:03:36 > 0:03:38Yes, when it came to challenging Davina,

0:03:38 > 0:03:41we threw pretty much everything at her - including the kitchen sink.

0:03:41 > 0:03:43Ha! I know. It bounced straight off her.

0:03:43 > 0:03:45Do you think there's anything she wouldn't do?

0:03:45 > 0:03:48- Well, we couldn't get her to go to London.- Ah, London.

0:03:48 > 0:03:50It's like Geordie kryptonite.

0:03:50 > 0:03:52Anyway, here's a look back at what happened

0:03:52 > 0:03:55when we asked her to do the weather on a roller coaster.

0:03:55 > 0:04:00Time for the weather in the glorious emerald paradise that is...

0:04:05 > 0:04:08Aaaaahhh!

0:04:08 > 0:04:12It's going to be warm and toasty, like freshly made...

0:04:13 > 0:04:15Aaaah!

0:04:15 > 0:04:17..put on the dinner table by your...

0:04:19 > 0:04:22There's going to be a strong breeze...

0:04:22 > 0:04:24Aaaah!

0:04:24 > 0:04:26..Strong as the mighty...

0:04:26 > 0:04:28..that goes over the beautiful...

0:04:29 > 0:04:34Taking us good, honest Geordie folk for another hard day's...

0:04:36 > 0:04:38Away the lads! Oh! Oh! Oh!

0:04:38 > 0:04:41Woooo!

0:04:41 > 0:04:44Davina Wave there. As tough as old pink boots.

0:04:44 > 0:04:47Now it's time to take a look at our star dribbler,

0:04:47 > 0:04:50- and I don't call him that because he used to play football.- Ha-ha! Yes!

0:04:50 > 0:04:53It's Gary Ogden. What that man doesn't know about sport...

0:04:53 > 0:04:55Is basically everything about sport.

0:04:55 > 0:04:58But he's had some fantastic moments this series,

0:04:58 > 0:05:00and my personal favourite was when he met cricketing legend

0:05:00 > 0:05:02and Strictly star, Michael Vaughan.

0:05:02 > 0:05:06Oh, yes, another close personal friend of Gary's...

0:05:06 > 0:05:08- ..who'd never atually met him. - Ha-ha!

0:05:09 > 0:05:13- Do you remember Lord's 2005? - I do remember Lord's 2005.

0:05:13 > 0:05:15Yeah, well, I was the guy who was stood behind you

0:05:15 > 0:05:17in the hot dog queue.

0:05:17 > 0:05:20I was shouting, "Vaughany!" Do you remember that?

0:05:20 > 0:05:21- No?- No.- Look, where you were,

0:05:21 > 0:05:24you were stood, you were stood there, you were holding a hot dog.

0:05:24 > 0:05:27So hold your hot dog. Smaller. Smaller than that. And you had...

0:05:27 > 0:05:29Put it towards your face. That's it.

0:05:29 > 0:05:33And I was shouting, I was the guy who was going, "Vaughany! It's Oggy!

0:05:33 > 0:05:36"It's... It's Gary Ogden." Do you remember that?

0:05:36 > 0:05:39- I think you've got the wrong bloke. - Oh, great days.

0:05:39 > 0:05:42As we're at the Old Trafford cricket ground, venue for some of this

0:05:42 > 0:05:46year's The Ashes, Mikey and I went for a bit of a kick about.

0:05:46 > 0:05:49- Hang on a minute. It's the other way round.- Ah. OK.

0:05:50 > 0:05:53- Yeah.- No, no, no, you were actually facing the right way,

0:05:53 > 0:05:56it's your hands need to be at the other end of the bat.

0:06:16 > 0:06:17Gary Ogden there,

0:06:17 > 0:06:20and that's him going back onto the subs bench for now.

0:06:20 > 0:06:23So, next up it's a moment from the reporter more hard-hitting

0:06:23 > 0:06:26than a diamond-headed sledgehammer. It's Nellie Osmond.

0:06:26 > 0:06:29Yes, we've seen Nelly look into to clowns, talking animals

0:06:29 > 0:06:30and school exams.

0:06:30 > 0:06:34We've also seen her get promoted and sacked in the space of two minutes.

0:06:34 > 0:06:36- Well, she's an efficient woman, Bob. - Ha-ha!

0:06:36 > 0:06:39Anyway, here's Nellie taking a look at the I Can Boogie app

0:06:39 > 0:06:42and dance-wear suit where we finally saw her get er...

0:06:42 > 0:06:44- Get erm...- Get down.- Oh, OK!

0:06:47 > 0:06:50So, first up, I want to see you dance without the app.

0:06:50 > 0:06:52SONG: "I Can't Dance" by Genesis

0:06:56 > 0:06:58Oh, quite enough of that.

0:06:58 > 0:07:03OK, so that's without I Can Boogie. Now let's try it with.

0:07:03 > 0:07:04SONG: "Night Fever" by Bee Gees

0:07:04 > 0:07:07Right, well, yes, I can confirm that the suit

0:07:07 > 0:07:11and the app certainly appear to be working, but, erm...

0:07:11 > 0:07:14I don't think I'm going to be on stage with Beyonce any time soon.

0:07:14 > 0:07:15That's just the warm-up setting.

0:07:15 > 0:07:18Let's turn it all the way up to Sasha Fierce.

0:07:18 > 0:07:19SONG: "Single Ladies" by Beyonce

0:07:19 > 0:07:21What's happening? It's taking over!

0:07:21 > 0:07:24Right, this is not appropriate for a journalist of my stature.

0:07:24 > 0:07:26Oh, OK. Thank you. You can turn it off now.

0:07:26 > 0:07:28I think you've proved your point.

0:07:28 > 0:07:30- Oh.- Oh, what?- The app's crashed.

0:07:30 > 0:07:32Turn the phone off, then.

0:07:32 > 0:07:34Uh-huh, yeah. That's actually crashed, too. Sorry.

0:07:34 > 0:07:38Perfect. So, it seems that while apps can do almost anything,

0:07:38 > 0:07:40the one thing they can't do is stop people from making

0:07:40 > 0:07:41rubbish technology.

0:07:41 > 0:07:44This is Nellie Osmond grudgingly putting a ring on it for DNN.

0:07:47 > 0:07:50Nellie Osmond there, going one dance step further than anyone else

0:07:50 > 0:07:52for the sake of good journalism.

0:07:52 > 0:07:55And we go straight from the nation's most committed journalist

0:07:55 > 0:07:59to the nation's best substitute for counting sheep. It's Henry Smart.

0:07:59 > 0:08:01Why do you always have a go at Henry, Bob?

0:08:01 > 0:08:03Oh, I don't know what you're talking about.

0:08:03 > 0:08:05OK, well, just to remind you, here's the moment

0:08:05 > 0:08:08when DNN's viewers first met Henry.

0:08:08 > 0:08:11And if you remember, Bob, I'd hypnotised you into dancing

0:08:11 > 0:08:13every time you heard the words Gangnam...

0:08:13 > 0:08:17Don't say it, just play the tape! La-la-la-la-la!

0:08:17 > 0:08:22- Henry, so lovely to see you, as ever.- Hello, Felicity.

0:08:22 > 0:08:24Aww, and hello, Bob.

0:08:24 > 0:08:27Ah, yes. DNN No Nonsense Nightly News.

0:08:27 > 0:08:31- That's DNNNNNNNN for short.- That's too many N's, Bob.

0:08:31 > 0:08:32Is it? Was it?

0:08:32 > 0:08:38- DNNNN. I have 11 fingers!- Amazing. One for every brain cell.

0:08:38 > 0:08:41No, ten fingers. That one's just a pen. Ha-ha!

0:08:41 > 0:08:44So, Henry, about time you got me on your show, isn't it?

0:08:44 > 0:08:47SHE LAUGHS HEARTILY

0:08:47 > 0:08:50I've got things pretty much under control at this end, Felicity.

0:08:50 > 0:08:54But I can see why you'd rather be sat next to a real journalist

0:08:54 > 0:08:56instead of a human chimp.

0:08:59 > 0:09:02Anyway, if you're looking for real news...

0:09:02 > 0:09:03Boring news.

0:09:03 > 0:09:06..join me later for DNNNNNN.

0:09:06 > 0:09:10That's Dull Not Not Not Not Ninteresting News.

0:09:10 > 0:09:13- Oh, and er, one last thing, Bob. - Oh, what is that, Henry?

0:09:13 > 0:09:14Gangnam Style.

0:09:14 > 0:09:16SONG: "Gangnam Style" by Psy

0:09:17 > 0:09:19- SHE MOUTHS:- Thank you.

0:09:19 > 0:09:20Any time, Felicity.

0:09:20 > 0:09:22And bye-bye, Bob.

0:09:24 > 0:09:26- You've got something on your face. - Er, what is it, banana?

0:09:26 > 0:09:31- Oh, sorry, it's a look of idiocy. - Er?- And some banana.

0:09:31 > 0:09:33Yes, very funny, Felicity.

0:09:33 > 0:09:35And may I just apologise to any viewers who were bored to sleep

0:09:35 > 0:09:39by Henry during that last segment and fell off the sofa.

0:09:39 > 0:09:40You can't say I didn't warn you.

0:09:40 > 0:09:44Next on our list of magic moments is our tea-boy Jahmene Mann.

0:09:44 > 0:09:49- Yeah, let's street the meat.- That's the wrong catch phrase, Bob.- Is it?

0:09:49 > 0:09:53Hang on. Er... Let's strain the milk. No.

0:09:53 > 0:09:57While Bob works that out, let's take another look at when Jahmene

0:09:57 > 0:10:01- got you guys celebrating. Let's... - Shave the marmoset. No!

0:10:03 > 0:10:06SONG: "Good Time" By Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen

0:10:08 > 0:10:10# It's always a good time

0:10:10 > 0:10:14# Woah-oh-oh-oh

0:10:14 > 0:10:16# We don't even have to try

0:10:16 > 0:10:18# It's always a good time

0:10:18 > 0:10:20# Woah-oh-oh

0:10:20 > 0:10:22# It's always a good time

0:10:22 > 0:10:23# Woah-oh-oh-oh

0:10:23 > 0:10:26# Oh-oh-oh

0:10:26 > 0:10:27# We don't even have to try

0:10:27 > 0:10:31# It's always a good time... #

0:10:31 > 0:10:34Jahmene Mann there. He is out standing in the street.

0:10:34 > 0:10:35That's nice of you, Felicity.

0:10:35 > 0:10:38No, I mean he is literally out standing in the street. Look.

0:10:38 > 0:10:41Ah, so he is. We'll have a cup of tea when you're done!

0:10:41 > 0:10:43And a custard cream!

0:10:43 > 0:10:46Now from the man on the street to the women on the webcam.

0:10:46 > 0:10:48Here's what happened when we asked for your thoughts

0:10:48 > 0:10:50on Jane Austen being put on the new £10 note.

0:10:50 > 0:10:52Ooh, crinkly!

0:10:52 > 0:10:54It's ridiculous!

0:10:54 > 0:10:57When I look at a bank note I don't want to look at an author,

0:10:57 > 0:11:00I want someone with business sense. Like Alan Sugar.

0:11:00 > 0:11:03Now, there's a face I could stare at all day.

0:11:03 > 0:11:06Hello! We adapted a Jane Austen book for the school play last term.

0:11:06 > 0:11:10It was great. I was only playing the part of a hedge which had one line,

0:11:10 > 0:11:13"rustle, rustle," and I didn't get to bow at the end cos my costume was

0:11:13 > 0:11:15difficult to walk in, and I did need the loo through the whole

0:11:15 > 0:11:17of act two, but it was still a great experience.

0:11:17 > 0:11:19Skippty-wap!

0:11:19 > 0:11:21I love you, Jane Austen!

0:11:21 > 0:11:24£10 notes are the only money I'm going to use

0:11:24 > 0:11:28for the rest of me life. Bus drivers are going to hate me!

0:11:30 > 0:11:34- There we go. And say what you like about webcams...- Oh, finally.

0:11:34 > 0:11:36Well, they're good for video chat,

0:11:36 > 0:11:38but they're terrible at baking cupcakes. What's your point?

0:11:38 > 0:11:42- Your mind never ceases to astonish me, Bob!- £8 at a car boot sale!

0:11:42 > 0:11:44- Bargain!- Just two to go now,

0:11:44 > 0:11:47and who can forget when our 1D-obsessed showbiz reporter

0:11:47 > 0:11:52Stacy-May Anais tried to conquer the charts with her Harry Styles single.

0:11:52 > 0:11:56Which made sure that when it comes to Harry Styles she'll always be single.

0:11:56 > 0:11:59Yes, fingers in ears, folks. You're in for a bumpy ride.

0:12:00 > 0:12:03# You've got hair like an otter

0:12:03 > 0:12:06# You've got eyes like an owl.

0:12:06 > 0:12:08# You're the bestest decision

0:12:08 > 0:12:11# Ever made by Simon Cowell

0:12:11 > 0:12:14# Harry Styles

0:12:14 > 0:12:17# For you I'd run miles and miles

0:12:17 > 0:12:20# You smile just like an angel smiles

0:12:21 > 0:12:23# I love you

0:12:23 > 0:12:26# Harry Styles. #

0:12:28 > 0:12:30Stacy-May Anais there.

0:12:30 > 0:12:32You know, I think of her every time I make a sandwich.

0:12:32 > 0:12:35Well, that's just about it from DNN's Top Tennn.

0:12:35 > 0:12:38But our last little package of clips is all about the true star

0:12:38 > 0:12:41of the show - the DNN news desk.

0:12:41 > 0:12:44Yes, Flicky, that's where so much magic happens in the DNN studio.

0:12:44 > 0:12:45Because I sit there.

0:12:45 > 0:12:49It's also where some of the most idiotic things happen because...

0:12:49 > 0:12:51- No idea what you're talking about. - Really?

0:12:51 > 0:12:55Well, fortunately the pictures speak for themselves. Roll the tape.

0:12:55 > 0:12:58- Bob?- Ah! Tutankhamun!

0:12:58 > 0:13:00There's an egg in my cup.

0:13:00 > 0:13:03'I think Bob is the best news anchor in the world!'

0:13:03 > 0:13:05Aah! Ha-ha!

0:13:05 > 0:13:08Hey, I did it! I broke the breaking news!

0:13:08 > 0:13:12'I'm Bob Roberts. I don't know anything about the news.'

0:13:12 > 0:13:15- Not in front of the camera!- Sorry! Oh, sorry, sorry.

0:13:15 > 0:13:17Fly, Keith! Just mind the lights!

0:13:17 > 0:13:18CRASH

0:13:18 > 0:13:19Oh, Keith...

0:13:21 > 0:13:23I am a caring and patient person!

0:13:23 > 0:13:24With a beautiful soul!

0:13:24 > 0:13:25What?

0:13:25 > 0:13:27I want you to hug me!

0:13:27 > 0:13:29How did she even get in here?

0:13:29 > 0:13:31Oh, probably same way we do, I suppose, through the door.

0:13:31 > 0:13:33PHONE RINGS Aah! My game machine's ringing.

0:13:33 > 0:13:35Fetch!

0:13:35 > 0:13:37THEY GROWL

0:13:37 > 0:13:40It's unbelievable to think that someone can have that little control

0:13:40 > 0:13:42over their own body.

0:13:45 > 0:13:49Well, you say that made me look stupid, but I found 5p back there.

0:13:49 > 0:13:52- Wow, five whole P.- Totally worth it.

0:13:52 > 0:13:55Well, we hope you've enjoyed looking back at some of our best bits.

0:13:55 > 0:13:58That's all from the DNN Top Tennn.

0:13:58 > 0:14:00- We'll see you againnn.- Again.

0:14:00 > 0:14:02OK. We'll see you againnn.

0:14:02 > 0:14:05- No, I meant again. - It was fine the first time.

0:14:05 > 0:14:06This could take a while.

0:14:06 > 0:14:09- Until next time, say goodbye, Bob. - Goodbye, Bob!