0:00:02 > 0:00:04Nellie, I'm late for a meeting. Pass a message on to Bob.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Tell him not to look so flustered and out of place.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08- Actually, Henry, I need to... - Just get it done, please.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Davina, message for Bob from Henry.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13"Tell him not to look so flustered and out of place."
0:00:13 > 0:00:14Really? Yeah, reet, OK.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16- Ah! Gary!- All reet?
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Me and Map have got a record to train for,
0:00:18 > 0:00:21so can you tell Bob Henry said...
0:00:21 > 0:00:22"Don't look at mustard..."
0:00:22 > 0:00:24Aye. "..in outer space." Yeah.
0:00:24 > 0:00:28I definitely understood every word of that, Davina. No problem.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Ah, Bob! Message from Henry...
0:00:32 > 0:00:35He wants you - for some reason - to chuck a custard pie in my face.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37- HE CHUCKLES - Well, he is the boss.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42You know, I think Henry's getting the hang of this show.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Hello, and welcome to DNN.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03I'm the unparalleled Felicity Bond.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06I'm Bob Roberts. This is my nan Robeta...
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Oh, is this where you work, duck egg?
0:01:09 > 0:01:11..and these are today's headlines.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Louis Walsh signs up the world's first jazz baby.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16BABBLES MELODICALLY
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- LAUGHING - Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22Scientists discover that lizards are naturals at Pat-a-cake.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28And it's "Share A Lift To Work Day" at Bristol Zoo.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Beautifully done, darling.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- Ah, thanks, Nan. Moving on now... - Bob!
0:01:37 > 0:01:38What's going on?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Yes, Bob, we're in the middle of doing the show.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Oh, don't you mind me, deary, just carry on.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46And you can call me Robeta,
0:01:46 > 0:01:49or even Nan.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50But what are you doing here?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52She's been banned from the bingo for doing the cancan
0:01:52 > 0:01:55whenever they called "legs 11."
0:01:55 > 0:01:56What a lovely image.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Ooh, you're right duck egg,
0:01:58 > 0:02:01she does have amazing teeth. Are they real?
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Would you like to try mine?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06ROBETA HUMS No, I'm fine thank you.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Bob, get your nan out of the studio.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Oh, come off it, Henry. What harm could she possibly do?
0:02:13 > 0:02:17You know, you two would make a lovely couple.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Uh...Steve,
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- get her out of here! Sharpish! - Ooh, I love the name Steve.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24My first husband was called Steve as well, you know.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26You look a bit like him, except, well, he was a man.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Time now to go over to our un-caped crusader Phil Tyme.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37What are you up to today, Phil?
0:02:37 > 0:02:38Hello, Felicity.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Now, the cinema!
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Home to the greatest stars, Brad Pitt, Hilary Duff's sister,
0:02:44 > 0:02:46that lizard that made New York look proper manky...
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Ah, Terry, all right.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49What's wrong with Terry?
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Oh, he's just upset cos I'm making him work
0:02:52 > 0:02:53a bit close to his wedding.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54Oh! When's his wedding?
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Today!
0:02:56 > 0:02:57Phil, how could you?!
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Aw, Felicity, as I've always said,
0:02:59 > 0:03:03crime waits for no man, not even Terry.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05So, as ever, we are LIVE.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08And I'm ready to be the people's champion for Marilyn here.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- Say hello, Marilyn.- Hello.
0:03:10 > 0:03:15Now, Marilyn has written to me about something fishy in her local cinema.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Pirates! Arr!
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Now, she's had a word with the staff
0:03:18 > 0:03:20but they've done nothing to help.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Now, is that because the staff
0:03:22 > 0:03:25are a bit scared of wooden legs and eye patches?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27No, Phil, it's not that sort of a pirate.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31I mean I've seen someone making illegal copies of the films.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34What, so they're not real pirates? No scary swords like?
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- No.- Well, why didn't you say?
0:03:36 > 0:03:39I've been hiding from them behind that counter for over an hour.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42What a waste of Terry's time.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Whoa! Careful with that boom mic, Tessa.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47And you look lovely, by the way.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Hey, Terry, stay on me, fella.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53Remember, it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding day.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55It's a good job I'm here.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58So, join us later when I will be collaring whoever it is
0:03:58 > 0:04:02that's illegally copying films - here LIVE.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Oh, we'll be 20 minutes top, Terry.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06We'll see you in a bit.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Time to go to the man who meets
0:04:11 > 0:04:14more members of the public than a pavement.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15It's Jahmene Mann.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Give me an "M".
0:04:16 > 0:04:18- BOTH:- M!- Give me an "S".
0:04:18 > 0:04:20- BOTH:- S!- What do you get?
0:04:20 > 0:04:21MMMS.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Let's "meet" the "street".
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Oh! "Beat" the "street", yeah. Wahey!
0:04:27 > 0:04:30America, home of Felicity Bond,
0:04:30 > 0:04:34the Empire State Building, aerosol cheese.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Urgh, actually, that's a bit weird.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40And today, I'm hunting down a true American icon.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44That's right, I'm looking for Britain's best cheerleaders.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Can I find them?
0:04:45 > 0:04:46You can "baton" it!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- Give us a "D".- ALL:- D!
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- Give us an "N".- ALL:- N!
0:04:56 > 0:04:58- Give us an "N".- ALL:- N!
0:04:59 > 0:05:00What do you get?
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- ALL:- D...NN! Yeah!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07- D!- N!
0:05:07 > 0:05:08N!
0:05:09 > 0:05:10Five, six, seven, eight...
0:05:10 > 0:05:13- ALL:- Goooo team.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Well, three cheers for Britain.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22You lot are clearly potty for your pom-poms.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24But if there's one thing that I've learnt today,
0:05:24 > 0:05:27it's that sometimes cheerleading spells trouble.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29- Give me a "C".- C!
0:05:29 > 0:05:30- Give me an "H".- H!
0:05:30 > 0:05:32- Give me an "A".- A!
0:05:32 > 0:05:34- Give me an "S".- S!
0:05:34 > 0:05:35- Give me an "E".- E!
0:05:35 > 0:05:37- Give me a "D".- D!
0:05:37 > 0:05:40- And what do you geeet?- I get chased!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42- Exactly. Oh, no, no, no.- Yes.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44- Come here.- Man down.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Man D-O-W-N!
0:05:52 > 0:05:56Time for the latest hot showbiz goss now with...
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Wahey, what on earth is going on there?
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- Kelly here is teaching me some dance moves.- Yep.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Hi, Bobster. Nan's a natural.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Yeah, well, she might be a natural, Kelly
0:06:06 > 0:06:09but her hip joints are finest NHS titanium.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11You're going to overheat, Nan!
0:06:11 > 0:06:14It's going to be the pilates class inferno all over again. Come on.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Anyway, Kelly, this week's showbiz headlines?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19You got it, Flickster.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22On Holby City, a man needs to get his disco dance looked at.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25Nonsense, mate.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28On Young Dracula, Erin decides it's time to switch to E-books.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32SHE GASPS
0:06:32 > 0:06:36And in a game of charades in EastEnders, Ian get's Godzilla.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Grit your teeth. Grr. Turn purple when I'm angry.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43But the incredolino news this week, guys,
0:06:43 > 0:06:47is that I scored an interview with the one and only Channing Tatum!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49- Wow! Seriously?- Chinny who now?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51You know? From GI Joe, White House Down,
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Step Up, Step Up 2. Not Step Up 3.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58Ooh, now, Channing Tatum's not a proper name, is it, dear?
0:06:58 > 0:06:59It's like the surname's come first.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02It should be Tatum Channing, if anything,
0:07:02 > 0:07:03and even that's a bit rum.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- But...- All these Channings and Taylors and Tylers
0:07:06 > 0:07:09and what have you, in my day it was good old-fashioned first names
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- and then surnames... - Oh, my wow.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- Are you sure you're not MY nan? - Oh, no, there's two of them.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16You're like totally like my spiritual nan.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Oh, my Spirinan. New word!
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Oh, actually, I went to see one them spiritualists the other week...
0:07:21 > 0:07:23- Nan...- and she said to me I had a message...- Nana!
0:07:23 > 0:07:26- ..from the other side...- Nana!- I thought she meant my friend Jean.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28- Nana!- At the theatre we couldn't get seats together,
0:07:28 > 0:07:30- so she was over there...- OK then!
0:07:30 > 0:07:34I'm sorry Kelly, but thanks to Bob's nan, there's no time for your VT.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Oh, no probs, Flickster, this is totes more interesting.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Bob's nan, you are like my Zen Jedi kung fu master
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- of totally not stopping talking, - After you.- No, after you.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45- No, after you.- After you! - After you.- No, after you.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47- After you.- No, after you. - After you!
0:07:47 > 0:07:49I think she stole your Nana.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52No problem, Flicky. I always carry a spare.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Don't fret about Kelly's interview, because I've lined up
0:07:55 > 0:07:58another DNN super exclusivo that will blow your mind.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Something tells me I'm about to be disappointed.
0:08:01 > 0:08:02- HE CHUCKLES - Oh, really?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Well, how does this grab you, Felicity?
0:08:04 > 0:08:06A real-life time traveller.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Bob, there is no way in the world you've got a real life...
0:08:09 > 0:08:14Please welcome to DNN, it's Dr Steven Whom.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Thank you, Bob. Lovely to meet you, Felicity...
0:08:17 > 0:08:18Hi, Gary.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Now, Dr Whom, tell me
0:08:20 > 0:08:23how long it took you to build this magnificent time machine.
0:08:23 > 0:08:28- Uh, well, Bob, I've been working on it since I was a small child.- Oh!
0:08:28 > 0:08:30It just feels like yesterday.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- BOB LAUGHS - Yeah, very good.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Yesterday...time travel. It's a time travelling joke, Felicity.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Bob. It is just Gary in a stupid beard!
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Felicity, please, show some respect for our guest.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44OK, so, theoretically, could you go back in time to see the first goal
0:08:44 > 0:08:46ever scored by Wayne Rooney?
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Ah, yes, that's my close personal...
0:08:48 > 0:08:51- Ay! Close personal wish, I'm sure, Doctor.- Yes, yes.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Good save, Bob. So, quick demo.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Um, but do bear in mind that when I travel through time
0:08:56 > 0:08:59my time machine will instantly re-appear
0:08:59 > 0:09:00back in this exact same spot.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02It'll actually be like it's never moved.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04How incredibly handy (!)
0:09:04 > 0:09:05Right, here we go.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Sounds exciting. I wonder when he's off to.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11The 9th of Idiot-cember, 18-60-moron.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13MACHINE WHIRRS AND DINGS
0:09:13 > 0:09:15ROARING
0:09:15 > 0:09:18And I'm back. So, just popped along to the Jurassic era
0:09:18 > 0:09:22where I had a rather hairy encounter with a T-Rex. He came off worse.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26That sounds amazing. Actual Time Travel, live on DNN.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29And tell me, Doctor, what does the future hold?
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Well, I can do better than tell you, Bob,
0:09:31 > 0:09:34I can bring something back and show you.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Right, I'm putting an end to this farce.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Uh, no, Felicity! Do not go over there. Don't open that door!
0:09:42 > 0:09:44You could cause all of space and time to collapse.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49- Yeah, well, you got lucky there. - And now it's time for the sport.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Hello, and welcome to the sports locker. I'm Gary Ogden.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Eh... Ooh, Gary! Wow. What are you doing in there?
0:09:55 > 0:09:57- I'm not Gary.- Gary!- Yes, Felicity?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Get rid of this stupid box or my foot will be propelling you
0:10:00 > 0:10:02all the way into next year.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03I'm on it.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Anyway, it's time to take a short break now
0:10:06 > 0:10:07but we'll be back in a jiffy.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Yeah, but remember, other envelopes are available.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12- BANGING - Stop it!
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Doh! You'll make things worse.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17And we're on a break.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Bob, I need a quick word.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Uh...Usain Bolt?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23No, that's three words.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26You and Gary can't just go around making up pretend interview guests.
0:10:26 > 0:10:27You're lying to the public.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Young man, that's quite enough of your sharp talk!
0:10:30 > 0:10:32You can't come in here with your shiny shoes
0:10:32 > 0:10:36talking down to my Robert like that. Where's your manners?!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38I'm terribly sorry, Mrs Roberts.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Bob, would you be so kind as to accompany me
0:10:40 > 0:10:42to the other side of the studio?
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Why, Mr Smart, it'd be quite improper for me to accompany you...
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- Come on!- Oh!
0:10:47 > 0:10:50- He talks about you all the time, you know?- Really?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Mmm, every time he comes to me it's all,
0:10:52 > 0:10:54"Mappy did this. Mappy did that."
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Ah, no, Mrs Roberts. That's not...
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Ooh, Mappy! Look how green you are today!
0:10:59 > 0:11:00HE LAUGHS HAPPILY
0:11:00 > 0:11:02- Oh.- Back on in ten.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05I can assure you, Robeta, our relationship is strictly
0:11:05 > 0:11:06unprofessional.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Five, four, three...
0:11:12 > 0:11:13Welcome back to DNN.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16And yes, your eyes do NOT deceive you,
0:11:16 > 0:11:19I have got even more handsome during the break.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Anyways, moving on now to a story about aliens...
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Argh! Where?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27..with the news of the UK's first support group for people
0:11:27 > 0:11:30who believe they have been abducted by extraterrestrials.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33So, with her special report, here's the woman who thinks ET
0:11:33 > 0:11:35stands for "Extra Tough".
0:11:35 > 0:11:37It's Nellie Osmond.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Eeh.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45We've all heard of alien abduction, people claiming
0:11:45 > 0:11:47they were beamed aboard an alien craft
0:11:47 > 0:11:50and then prodded about like a two-day old mackerel fillet.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Ridiculous.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54But I'm here to meet the Beam Me Up help group,
0:11:54 > 0:11:57who, even more mind bogglingly, actually want this to happen.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Byron Scalder, what's wrong with you people?
0:11:59 > 0:12:02I'll tell you what's wrong, Nellie, everyone in our group
0:12:02 > 0:12:07is desperate to be taken by aliens but the aliens just won't...swoop.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11We've shone lights into the sky, we've left offerings... Nothing.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- We don't know what else to try. - Well, might I suggest growing up
0:12:14 > 0:12:18because this is all utter pigwash and there's no such thing as aliens.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Look, Marion's gone. She's been taken!
0:12:21 > 0:12:23- She's been taken.- She's been taken.
0:12:23 > 0:12:24She's been taken.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26No, I'm just here.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28I was just getting a biscuit.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Oh. She's not been taken.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Against my better judgment,
0:12:33 > 0:12:36I agreed to join the group as they tried to summon aliens
0:12:36 > 0:12:39in Byron's garden, because I'm a professional.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41The summoning chant is on the card, Nellie.
0:12:43 > 0:12:48- ALL CHANT:- Bee-bow-pa-po me like chicken tonight
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Mo-fa-salty gloria honey...
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Right, stop this. You're clearly talking rubbish.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56No, we are not, and I can prove it.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Come to the garage and look at the artefacts.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05This is an alien mining chisel.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06That's a trowel.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08This is a translation device.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10No, it's a whoopie cushion.
0:13:10 > 0:13:11FART SOUND
0:13:11 > 0:13:13And that is - bearing in mind -
0:13:13 > 0:13:15the correct answer is a toilet brush.
0:13:15 > 0:13:16It's a toilet brush.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Seriously, I'm trying to do a job of work here.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22Pull yourselves together, people! Aliens are not coming, capisce?
0:13:22 > 0:13:25REPETITIVE BANGING
0:13:26 > 0:13:27They're here!
0:13:27 > 0:13:30They came for us at last.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Welcome, star traveller.
0:13:32 > 0:13:33We hope you come in peace.
0:13:35 > 0:13:36No, I've come with pizza.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Sorry, I must get that exhaust fixed.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41- SIGHING:- For goodness' sake.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44So, there we have it. No unidentified objects
0:13:44 > 0:13:47apart from some suspicious vegetables of the four seasons.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50This is Nellie Osmond, feet firmly on Planet Earth, for DNN.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Back to you, Robert.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Time to take a trip to the Wild West of sport now
0:14:00 > 0:14:02and meet its sheriff, Gary Ogden.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Thank you, Bob. Yes, I'm Sheriff Ogden.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10This is the sports...saloon and these are your sports headlines.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13At the animal diving, there's a no-frills approach from the turtles.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Cat's basketball's new signing
0:14:19 > 0:14:22admits he doesn't understand the rules.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29And a beach volleyball match is called off due to hot sand.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37But to mark the start of the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow
0:14:37 > 0:14:40my top story this week is snooker.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Snooker is not a Commonwealth sport.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Oh, but I've made a film about it.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- Sorry, Gary.- Well, the campaign to get it recognised
0:14:48 > 0:14:50as a Commonwealth sport starts here.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54So, here's a man who knows his chalk from his baulk...line
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Over to you, Gary.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Thanks, Gary. Yes, you've joined me right on cue.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02And as there's no "REST" for the wicked,
0:15:02 > 0:15:06I'm here with up-and-coming snooker star Simon Potter.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07All right, Darren?
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Darren? Classic.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11So, Simon, you clearly know my name,
0:15:11 > 0:15:14but you have a rather more intriguing nickname, don't you?
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Ah, yeah, I suppose so. They call me The Conjurer.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Because of your magic powers?
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Ah, no, because of my snooker skills.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Look, you take a seat and I'll break, yeah?
0:15:29 > 0:15:30My turn yet?
0:15:38 > 0:15:39My go?
0:15:56 > 0:15:57- Gary.- Eh-na?!
0:15:57 > 0:16:01You might want to see this. If it goes in I'll score a maximum break
0:16:01 > 0:16:06- but it's a tricky one, so I'm going to bring out the spider.- Spider?
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Argh! I hate spiders. Keep it away! Keep it away!
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Right. Good.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16That long pole has scared the spider away. Hmm.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Yes! 180, maximum break.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24No, it's 147.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28Oh, you must have lost some points scaring away that spider.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Well, that's snooker,
0:16:30 > 0:16:34and this reporter has been beaten black and blue.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Back to you in the studio...
0:16:37 > 0:16:38Gary.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Thanks, Gary.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41And that's all your sport for this week.
0:16:41 > 0:16:46Before you go, Gary, I see you've been taking fashion tips from Simon.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49I'm sorry, Felicity. I have no idea what you're talking about.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52- Ah, the bow tie, the waistcoat. - Oh. Oh, this. Oh, no, no.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55My shift at Burtini's Italian restaurant starts in 15 minutes,
0:16:55 > 0:16:57so I'm just getting ready.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01Ciao, bella! Ciao, ciao, bella. Ciao...
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Mine's a carbonara, Gary! See you in an hour!
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Gary "Two-Jobs" Ogden there.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08- HE SHOUTS:- And don't forget the dough balls.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13HORN HONKS
0:17:13 > 0:17:15And now over to our eye in the sky,
0:17:15 > 0:17:17it's the traffic with Beatrice Rhodes.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Er, no, well, she's not our "eye in the sky" today, Flicky,
0:17:20 > 0:17:23she's our "scaredy face in space!"
0:17:23 > 0:17:24Bea!
0:17:24 > 0:17:25Bea!
0:17:25 > 0:17:28She can't hear you, Bob. Sound doesn't travel in space.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31That's the only reason she agreed to go up there.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34You can still talk to her via the space-comms, Bob.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Ah, of course. Here goes, then.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39- BEEPS - Houston, we have a problem.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Argh, help! Engage thrusters!
0:17:41 > 0:17:43- SHE SCREAMS:- Mission abort!
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Good, good. Everything's normal.
0:17:45 > 0:17:46- BEEPS - Only joking!
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Oh! Ah, deep breaths. You can do this.
0:17:49 > 0:17:50SHE SINGS
0:17:50 > 0:17:52So, greetings from Earth, Bea!
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Ah.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Increasing oxygen levels and I'm fine.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01How's the traffic looking from up there, Bea?
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Oh, it's wonderful, Felicity.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06I'm so high up, I can't see any horrible traffic at all.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Although, I think I can see some tourist congestion
0:18:09 > 0:18:11- on The Great Wall Of China. - SHE MURMURS WORRIEDLY
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- I bet from up there, tourists all look like ants.- Really?
0:18:14 > 0:18:18Arghhh, they do! I hate ants! Get me down from here!
0:18:18 > 0:18:22- You're fine, Bea.- Although, it's a real shame you're up there.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24You could have met me nan. She's even brought cake.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28Oh, no, I'm scared of nans. Both kinds. Human AND bread.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29SHE MURMURS WORRIEDLY
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Well, have some cake anyway. Here you go.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34SHOUTS: Bob, no!
0:18:34 > 0:18:35Where did it go?
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Nana bakes a very light sponge, Flicky.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Open airlock, and...
0:18:40 > 0:18:42SPLAT SHE SCREAMS
0:18:42 > 0:18:46The drizzle has landed. I thank you.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Good throw, Bob. Bea's 200 miles into outer space
0:18:49 > 0:18:52I know. I hope she didn't leave the iron on.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54BEA SCREAMS
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- She left the iron on.- Yeah.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Time for the weather now with our jolly Geordie Davina Wave
0:19:03 > 0:19:05and a very special guest.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08That's not a special guest. That's Mappy, Felicity!
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Hello, Mappy!
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Not the Map, Bob. Tell him, Davina.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16Well, Flicky, to make today's record more of a challenge,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19I'm going head-to-head with another weather bod!
0:19:19 > 0:19:24It's only ITV's Laura Tobin from Good Morning Britain. Huh!
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Laura Britain?
0:19:26 > 0:19:27Mappy's got a girlfriend?!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Hang on, where's her map?
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Uh, she's NAKED?!
0:19:30 > 0:19:35Welcome to DNN, Laura. So nice to have a professional joining us.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Thank you, Felicity. And hi, Bob!
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Yeah, I'm not speaking to you, you've ruined everything.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43What challenge are you attempting today, Davina?
0:19:43 > 0:19:47Well, Flicky, we'll be setting the record for...
0:19:53 > 0:19:56OK, you two, in 3, 2, 1...
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Haway!
0:19:58 > 0:20:02First off, if you're in Leeds you might want to call a vet
0:20:02 > 0:20:05cos it's going to be raining cats and dogs. Woof, woof! Meow.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09- And down south in London... - You mean THAT London? Ugh.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Well, anyway, in London, it will be a beautiful day.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Blue skies and sunshine. The best place to be in the whole of the UK.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Hey, I'm on tour here, pet!
0:20:16 > 0:20:19You cannae come on DNN and spout lies, you knaa?
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Viewers, the best place to be on any day still is
0:20:23 > 0:20:24and will forever be...
0:20:24 > 0:20:26- YELLS:- Newcastle!
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Whoo-hoo! Newcastle!
0:20:29 > 0:20:31The belly button of the North.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Where the footballers dress like bar codes!
0:20:34 > 0:20:39One visit and you'll change your name to Laura Toooon Bin!
0:20:39 > 0:20:42- Haway!- Yaaa!- Newcastle! - SIREN SOUNDS
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Time's up, you two!
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Brilliant, Flicky. How did we do?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49You fished out an impressive six footballs, Davina!
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Haway, man! Whoo-hoo. Whoo-hoo.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55But Laura fished out an amazing seven footballs
0:20:55 > 0:20:58and sets the all-new record. Congratulations.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Yes! Yes, I did it. Whoo-hoo!
0:21:00 > 0:21:03What?! Oh, nooo. Ah.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08I cannae lose a Geordie record to a non-Geordie.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I cannot. There's one thing for it
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Toon Bin, best of three.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16- OK.- Haway! Whoo-hoo!
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Ah, what a great sport she is. Good job, Laura.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22That's Mrs Mappy to you.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24So, let's head back to Phil Tyme
0:21:24 > 0:21:29and find out if he's managed to catch that movie pirate. Phil?
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Sh, keep it down, Felicity.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33We're inside. We're trying to spot the wrong'un
0:21:33 > 0:21:35so we can get out and go and get married.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37No, not you and me, Terry.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40I mean, I like you as a friend, and, if you asked,
0:21:40 > 0:21:41I suppose I'd think about it.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Sh, Phil. Over there, look!
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Oh, get on that, Terry. Someone's filming it on their mobile.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Come on. Let's go and take 'em down for old times' sake.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- ROARS:- Now then, Phil Tyme, the people's champion for DNN,
0:21:54 > 0:21:57catching you making a pirated movie on your phone.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58Aw, what...?
0:21:58 > 0:22:01And didn't we get it all on camera, Terry? Ha-ha!
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Successful sting. It's David Jones' locker for you, pirate face.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07See, Terry? The greatest day of your life
0:22:07 > 0:22:10and the greatest day of mine too. Get in! Ha-ha!
0:22:10 > 0:22:11Oh, oh, what's going on?
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Excuse me, I am the manager of this cinema.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Good, cos I've just caught them all...
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Committing movie piracy in our cinema. Yes, I know.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22We've had complaints before, we've just never had any proof...
0:22:22 > 0:22:23..until now. Grab her, please.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- I was like, basically, like...like...- On yer way.
0:22:26 > 0:22:27And you too.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- Uh, no, not him. That's Terry, that. - Yes, and that is a camera.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32No, but he's filming me catching her.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33No, you're coming with me. Come on.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36No, no, you can't take Terry. He's getting married in a bit!
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Oh, cheese and crackers! I'm so sorry, Tessa.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Oh, this is Phil Tyme live over -
0:22:42 > 0:22:44probably not for much longer - for DNN.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Oh, Terry, don't look at Tessa, it's bad luck!
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Phil Tyme there,
0:22:49 > 0:22:52the scattered popcorn crumbs under the cinema seat of life.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55That's actually quite good, Bob. Who thought it up for you?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Yeah, well, I don't know. Who thought up your...face?
0:22:58 > 0:22:59And we're back to normal.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Oh, come on you two lovebirds.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Why don't you kiss and make up?
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- Urgh, no.- Urgh, no way. - That's never going to happen.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Oh, but you'd be perfect together.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12- Urgh, gross. BOTH:- That's disgusting.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16Just look at these rosy cheeks. They're so kissable.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Oh, Nana, stop it.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21Ah, fine! If I give him a peck on the cheek will that make you stop?
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- You'd make an old woman very happy. - OK.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Ew, ew!
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Steve, the wipes! I need the wipes.
0:23:28 > 0:23:29Oh, I feel ever so...
0:23:29 > 0:23:31RIBBIT. ...funny. RIBBIT.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Ooh, that looks sore, duck egg.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Now, I think I've got some cream for that.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Anyway, that's all we've got time for today.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40I've been the Princess Felicity Bond.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42And I've been Frog Roberts.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Croak goodbye, Frog.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Goodbye, Frog.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49Flicky, am I imagining it, or am I all slimy?
0:23:49 > 0:23:53Well done, you've picked the one thing about you that has not changed.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55And I've got the munchies. Got any dead flies?
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Try the staff canteen,
0:23:57 > 0:24:00they serve them with most of their items.
0:24:00 > 0:24:01Hello. Mr Backshall?
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Yes, you might want to see this,
0:24:03 > 0:24:06but be quick, it might be extinct by the time you get here.