0:00:02 > 0:00:05Yesterday was so much fun! I'm surprised Henry wasn't there though.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Yeah, well, I'm not. He wasn't invited.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09What? That was really mean.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11That wasn't mean. This is mean.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14It would really hurt his feelings if he found out.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16We need to spread the word, don't tell Henry.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19And that's what happens when your trousers are at half mast.
0:00:19 > 0:00:20Now don't tell Henry.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Got it!
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Hey, guys, don't tell Henry.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Oh, aye.
0:00:25 > 0:00:26Yeah.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Don't let on to Henry.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30A secret! Brilliant!
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Don't tell Henry!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Psst, don't tell Henry.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Don't tell Henry what?
0:00:38 > 0:00:40You're bald.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41I know that already, Gary.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43And that's what makes you the boss.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46Talked my way out of that one.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48He has literally no idea.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Hello, and welcome to DNN. I'm the composed Felicity Bond.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10And I'm Bob Roberts, this is a water-skiing yak.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12And these are the headlines.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16The Most Haunted team claim they've finally caught a ghost on camera,
0:01:16 > 0:01:18but scientists have their doubts.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26Simon Cowell uncovers a new Michael Jackson tribute act.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29MUSIC: "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson
0:01:32 > 0:01:35And after being sat on one time too many,
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Lightning McQueen finally loses his cool.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45And in other news, the...
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Felicity has quite a pair of lungs on her.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Well, thank you, Bob, but that's hardly news.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52I'm kind of well known for my singing voice.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Yeah, well, having heard it last night at the "Don't Tell Henry",
0:01:55 > 0:01:56I can believe that.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58You are a terrible singer.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00My singing voice is perfect.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Yeah, for warning ships of fog. Ha!
0:02:03 > 0:02:04Really?
0:02:04 > 0:02:08It's the only way you're ever going to hold a note.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09'Bob and Felicity. Focus.'
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Aargh! Henry Smart is living in my desk.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Call Channel 5, I've got a documentary for them.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16'Bob, you're on television.'
0:02:16 > 0:02:18No, you're on television.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19'That's childish.'
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Nope! This is childish.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25MIMICS HER: I'm Felicity and I can sing!
0:02:25 > 0:02:28I'm so sorry, Bob's chair seems to have mysteriously malfunctioned.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30You pushed it!
0:02:30 > 0:02:31Mysteriously malfunctioned.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Here's an idea, let's have some reporters, reporting.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43First, the man who's vowed to sort out your problems,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45even though he has enough of his own,
0:02:45 > 0:02:48it's the People's Champion, Phil Tyme.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Where are you this week, Phil?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Hello, Bob and Felicity!
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Today I'm here at Snippity Snip Hair Salon in Walderford.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57In for a much-needed trim, Phil?
0:02:57 > 0:03:01I'll have you know, I had my hair cut last week, Felicity,
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Terry did it in the hotel room with the fruit bowl and the scissors.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Looks very snappy, too. Thank you, Terry.
0:03:07 > 0:03:12No, I'm actually here on behalf of one of our regular viewers, Stella.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Now, Stella here, she e-mailed me last week
0:03:14 > 0:03:16about a bad experience which she had here.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Stella, why don't you tell us what happened?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21OK, so I wanted to get my hair cut so I looked like Nicki Minaj
0:03:21 > 0:03:23because Debbie from accounts said she was going to get
0:03:23 > 0:03:25her hair cut like Nicki Minaj, and we wanted to match.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27So when I went there, they gave me the haircut
0:03:27 > 0:03:29and they said it looked like Nicki Minaj,
0:03:29 > 0:03:31but I think it looks more like a badger.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33OK, slow down there, Stella.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Who's been nicking your menage?
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Right, I'll start over.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39So, I wanted to get my haircut so I looked like Nicki Minaj, right...
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Right, hold your horses, cos we've all got places to be.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45So what you're basically saying is you came to this hairdresser's,
0:03:45 > 0:03:47you had a haircut, and you didn't like it, right?
0:03:47 > 0:03:48- Yeah, because...- Fine.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51We all get it. So, Bob and Felicity,
0:03:51 > 0:03:54that's the mission, a little later in this very show
0:03:54 > 0:03:56I'm going to go in there, ruffle a few quiffs,
0:03:56 > 0:04:00and hopefully get Stella here her money back, live on DNN.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Stella, do the L thingy.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- No, it'll mess up my hair. - Suit yourself.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08So join us later, it's going to be champion. See you in a bit.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Thanks, Phil.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14I brought a hairdresser to justice once. And by justice, I mean school.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16And by hairdresser, I mean a egg.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18I brought an egg to school.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Great story.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Great egg.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Now, the reporter's so fresh he should be in the chiller cabinet,
0:04:24 > 0:04:25it's Jahmene Mann.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28What have you got for us today, Jahmene?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Felicity, I have got one thing to say to you...
0:04:30 > 0:04:32HE SQUEALS
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Beautiful language, the French.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38My report today is actually about the amazing sounds people can make
0:04:38 > 0:04:39that don't mean anything.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40French.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43OK, well, these are noise-cancelling headphones.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Where's the fun in that?!
0:04:45 > 0:04:46I love noise,
0:04:46 > 0:04:50so let's see how good the Great British public are at making it.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Let's Meet The Street!
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Some noises can drive you...
0:04:55 > 0:04:56HE GROANS
0:04:56 > 0:05:01..but plenty are guaranteed to squeeze a laugh out of your chops,
0:05:01 > 0:05:03so listen up, because I'm on the hunt
0:05:03 > 0:05:06for Britain's best noisemakers.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Hear me now.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10SHE TRILLS
0:05:10 > 0:05:12HE WHOOSHES
0:05:12 > 0:05:15THEY SCREAM
0:05:15 > 0:05:16Oo-o-oo! Ah-ah-ah!
0:05:16 > 0:05:18SHE SCREAMS
0:05:18 > 0:05:19SHE SQUEALS
0:05:20 > 0:05:23HE CLUCKS
0:05:23 > 0:05:24HE SCREECHES
0:05:24 > 0:05:27HE BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:05:27 > 0:05:29Oo-oo ah-ah!
0:05:29 > 0:05:30SHE BLEATS
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Meow!
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Hello, ma'am, could I here your best funny noise?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Oh, let's see.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41SHE FARTS
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Brilliant. Never not funny.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46No, no, no, I can actually do a duck noise.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47SHE FARTS
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Classic one-two, I didn't even see your mouth move.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52No, that wasn't... I didn't mean the...
0:05:52 > 0:05:53SHE FARTS
0:05:53 > 0:05:54Stop it!
0:05:54 > 0:05:59I've got a delicate little tum-tum, I meant to do a duck noise.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Quack-quack.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02It's just not as funny.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03Oh, well, I'm sorry but...
0:06:03 > 0:06:04SHE FARTS
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Stop laughing!
0:06:06 > 0:06:07SHE FARTS REPEATEDLY
0:06:07 > 0:06:11Man down! Seriously, I can't...
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Great report, Jahmene.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Thanks, Felicity. You know,
0:06:15 > 0:06:17I really enjoy doing there reports about silly noises and stuff,
0:06:17 > 0:06:19but do you think there's a chance
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Henry might let me do a serious investigation? Like Nellie?
0:06:22 > 0:06:26ALL LAUGH
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Don't sit on the fence, guys.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Are you still laughing at me?
0:06:37 > 0:06:39I can't help it if I've got a problem!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41SHE FARTS
0:06:41 > 0:06:44What idiot let that woman into the studio?
0:06:44 > 0:06:48You say idiot, I say proud owner of a portrait of the Queen.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49It must be worth a lot of money.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52It's worth exactly £5.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Close. Gary's offered me £4.50, who's the idiot now?
0:07:03 > 0:07:07Time now for the woman who towers over the world of showbiz
0:07:07 > 0:07:08like a glossy giant,
0:07:08 > 0:07:11a "golossus", if you will, it's Kelly Fornia!
0:07:11 > 0:07:14What in the name of Lizo Mzimba are you wearing?
0:07:14 > 0:07:18They're horns, Bobster. Aren't they totes tremend?
0:07:18 > 0:07:19They're for my big story today.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21There is an uber XL bucket
0:07:21 > 0:07:23of amazefest films coming out this summer,
0:07:23 > 0:07:25but we've only got time to talk about ONE,
0:07:25 > 0:07:28so, I'm going to fill you in on my top TWO films of the summer!
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- Kelly...- I know, but they're sharing a podium,
0:07:31 > 0:07:32like at the Oh-my-wow-lympics!
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Kelly! Haven't you got some headlines for us first?
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Yes, I do, so, more on the films after the jump,
0:07:38 > 0:07:41but first, here's what's going down in Tinseltown!
0:07:41 > 0:07:46New show alert! CBBC presents Wizards Vs Aliens On Ice!
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Can't you hold on to something?
0:07:50 > 0:07:51A man on All Over The Place
0:07:51 > 0:07:54contracts the dreaded disease Kangaroo Nipple.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00And, on Waterloo Road, Barry breaks the record
0:08:00 > 0:08:03for dialling the number with the most zeroes ever!
0:08:08 > 0:08:12Amaze! So guys, do you get why I'm wearing these prod-tastic horns?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- Well...- They're in honour of Maleficent,
0:08:14 > 0:08:16the new Disney film about the evil fairy
0:08:16 > 0:08:19who cursed Sleeping Beauty to sleep for 100 years!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21She could have saved herself some trouble
0:08:21 > 0:08:23and just sent Henry in to have a chat.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24'I can hear you, Bob.'
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Private convo, H. Little bit rude.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Here's an amaze clip, besties!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Well, well.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44I shall bestow a gift on the child.
0:08:47 > 0:08:52Before the sun sets on her 16th birthday,
0:08:52 > 0:08:55she will fall into a sleep-like death.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01I'm so sorry, we've had some kind of technical glitch.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Yes. He's called Jahmene.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Sorry, but it's an emergency!
0:09:05 > 0:09:06I was down to 2%.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Oh, it's not a problem, J-ster, it's a problurtunity!
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Because now, to show you what Maleficent is like,
0:09:12 > 0:09:13I get to act it out!
0:09:17 > 0:09:18I'm the evil fairy Maleficent,
0:09:18 > 0:09:21played by uber-cheekboned Angelina Jolie,
0:09:21 > 0:09:22and I'm going to curse a baby!
0:09:22 > 0:09:23Harshballs!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Consider yourself cursed!
0:09:25 > 0:09:27If you touch a spinning needle you will die!
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Spinning classes totally oke, though.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Adorabaubles!
0:09:32 > 0:09:35We're three other fairies and we have made the curse a bit less bad!
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Then there's fighting and spells and maybe a dragon,
0:09:37 > 0:09:40and nearly almost certainly a prince, probably, I'm guessing,
0:09:40 > 0:09:42it's a lot like Sleeping Beauty!
0:09:42 > 0:09:44But with a reason for why Maleficent is evil!
0:09:44 > 0:09:46I haven't seen it! The end, ta-da! Thankage!
0:09:46 > 0:09:50I think some of my brain has gone to a farm in the country.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51And you are short-staffed as it is.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53What other films have we got to look forward to, Kelly?
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Keep it brief.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Last, but definitely not least,
0:09:56 > 0:09:59there's X-Men: Days of Future Past, which is mutant-tastic!
0:09:59 > 0:10:00This is Mystique. Yay, Smurf power!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02But it's really hard to pick my favourite.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05I mean, there's Professor X, who does all the mind stuff,
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Magneto, who is also Gandalf, how cool is he?
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Kitty Pryde, who brilliantly hasn't even bothered
0:10:11 > 0:10:13to get a proper superhero name - you go, girl!
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Bishop, who only moves diagonally or something, Toad...
0:10:16 > 0:10:19No prizes for guessing what Kelly's mutant ability is,
0:10:19 > 0:10:22that girl does not need to breathe.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Time for the big interview now.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28Yes, it is.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31And with me today is a man who has invented
0:10:31 > 0:10:34reusable toilet paper, Fred Winklater.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- Hello.- Thanks for joining us.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38No! Bob, no! I've got a big interview lined up,
0:10:38 > 0:10:42and it's not with a man who washes bathroom tissues.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Who is bigger news than this guy?
0:10:45 > 0:10:46Would you mind moving downwind?
0:10:46 > 0:10:48The President of the United States.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Ooh, Justin Bieber?!
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Barack Obama.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52Oh.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55It's a pleasure to have you with us, Mr President.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57I'm going to take some questions.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Of course, let's start with the eco...
0:10:59 > 0:11:00I put it to you, Mr President,
0:11:00 > 0:11:04that reusing pot-pot paper is the best idea since edible food.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- Yes, exactly!- Stick with me, Winky!
0:11:07 > 0:11:10But people may have better ideas.
0:11:10 > 0:11:11That's unlikely.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14And people may want to jigger slightly.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18No, well, you're right. They'll feel much better for it.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Where should I do my jigger, Barack?
0:11:21 > 0:11:22- On the floor.- OK!
0:11:22 > 0:11:26Come on, Flicky. That's a direct order from your president.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Come and jigger on the floor! You too, Winklater!
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Okey-dokey.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31So, Mr President...
0:11:31 > 0:11:33What do you make of Winky's jiggering?
0:11:33 > 0:11:35He's got that kind of slouch,
0:11:35 > 0:11:39looking like the bored kid at the back of the classroom.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41You heard him. Put some effort into it, Winky!
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Mr President, could I just ask, what will be on the agenda
0:11:44 > 0:11:46when you and the British Prime Minister next meet?
0:11:46 > 0:11:48We're going to be finding ways
0:11:48 > 0:11:52where we can poke each other at any opportunity.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54You know, he is a lot more fun than I expected.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Thanks, Barry!
0:11:56 > 0:11:58All right, thank you very much, everybody.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00That is not the man I voted for.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02We'll be back after these messages.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Don't go away, the beds are never as comfy as they are at home!
0:12:09 > 0:12:11OK, everyone, on a break.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Thank you very much, Winky.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Bob, how dare you say I can't sing, on air,
0:12:16 > 0:12:19when we're supposed to be keeping last night a secret
0:12:19 > 0:12:20from you know who.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21Voldemort?!
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Oh. Worse.
0:12:23 > 0:12:24May I have a little word?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Course you can, Henry. How about minuscule?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28With Felicity.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Now, you're not keeping anything from me, are you, Felicity?
0:12:31 > 0:12:32No! No. Of course not.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34This was my favourite moment of last night!
0:12:34 > 0:12:38Nothing happened last night. Or any other night. At all.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39We all went home.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Separately. In our separate cars.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44To our separate houses.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45Ah, fun times.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Hey, does Henry still not know about the party...
0:12:47 > 0:12:49ing, the parting,
0:12:49 > 0:12:50in your hair.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51That you don't have.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52Because you're bald.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55OK, back on in five, four...
0:12:55 > 0:12:56I am so, so good.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Welcome back to DNN.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Coming up later, all the sports news with Gary Ogden...
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Phil Tyme will be cornering a bodging barber...
0:13:07 > 0:13:10And Davina Wave will be attempting to set a new world record
0:13:10 > 0:13:11whilst doing the weather!
0:13:11 > 0:13:12Oh, excuse me.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Yep, yep, uh-huh.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Bob, we're on air!
0:13:16 > 0:13:17Oh, it's for you.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Well, it's this guy.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21BIRD SQUAWKS
0:13:21 > 0:13:24He says he's willing to give you singing lessons.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Uh-huh. Sure, he's putting on his friend,
0:13:28 > 0:13:31this guy, Mr Blobfish. Uh-huh, yeah?
0:13:31 > 0:13:35He says he's suing you for copying his look. Slam.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38That's your phone.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Let's go over now to the man who is to sport
0:13:46 > 0:13:49what chimpanzees are to lacemaking,
0:13:49 > 0:13:50it's Gary Ogden.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Thanks, Bob!
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Yes, I'm Gary Ogden, this is the DNN Sports Locker,
0:13:54 > 0:13:58this is a meat sculpture of my close personal friend, Jensen Button,
0:13:58 > 0:14:00and these are the sports headlines.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02The winner of this year's dog gymnastics
0:14:02 > 0:14:04shows off a new victory celebration.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10One, two, three, four, cat wins at thumb war.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18And manufacturers deny that a new sports drink for dogs
0:14:18 > 0:14:19makes them too active.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Now, I've often been accused of...
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Ooh, I know this. Following people!
0:14:28 > 0:14:32No, only concentrating on popular sports like the football,
0:14:32 > 0:14:35as played by my close personal friend, Wayne Rooney,
0:14:35 > 0:14:37or, um, the other ones.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39So today on DNN,
0:14:39 > 0:14:44an up-and-coming new sport that could one day make it big, golf.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Over to you, Gary.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47Thanks, Gary.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Yes, golf. This brand-new sport
0:14:50 > 0:14:52I only heard about last year
0:14:52 > 0:14:54remains a mystery to lots of people.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56So, to help me tell my birdies from my bogeys,
0:14:56 > 0:15:00here is professional golficator, Betty Backswing. Hello, Betty.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Hello, Gary.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04So, what is it about...
0:15:04 > 0:15:08You all right, mate? You can go off on. I'm chatting to Betty here.
0:15:08 > 0:15:09I'm the caddie.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Oh, OK, well I don't know too much about golf,
0:15:11 > 0:15:13but I'm pretty sure it's "I'm the daddy."
0:15:13 > 0:15:15No, this is Seth, he's my caddie,
0:15:15 > 0:15:19he carries my clubs, he gives me advice.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Ooh, it sounds like he's got a crush on you.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Can I carry your clubs? Mwah!
0:15:24 > 0:15:26- Let's just play golf. - OK, right you are.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29You're not going to take... Yes, why not? I'll take these.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34Fore!
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Not bad, let's see if I can do one better.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Five!
0:15:44 > 0:15:46See? I did one better.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Oh, it looks like I've run out of sticks, can I borrow one of yours?
0:15:49 > 0:15:50No.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Fair enough.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55And look at this boy go,
0:15:55 > 0:15:58he's dribbled it past his close personal friend, Wayne Rooney.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00He is going past Gerrard.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03- Watch out for the bunker. - What's a bunker?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Now for this shot, you're going to need...
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Way ahead of you Betty, way ahead.
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Here we go.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Yes! Goal!
0:16:15 > 0:16:16How did I do?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Well,
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I scored four, what did you score, Gary?
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Oh, 347.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25Wow. I won.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27By loads.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30In golf, the lowest score wins. You lost.
0:16:30 > 0:16:35So, there we have it, golf is dead easy, and if you give it a go,
0:16:35 > 0:16:38you will quickly get into the swing of things.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39BIRD CALLS
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Oh, birdie.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Back to you, Gary.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Thanks, Gary. I didn't like to say it in front of Betty,
0:16:47 > 0:16:49but I cannot ever see that taking off.
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Golf?
0:16:50 > 0:16:51I mean, the name for a start.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Why name it after a car?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Jenson Button...
0:16:55 > 0:16:59Did you use lamb sausages, Gary?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01I did, Bob.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Then isn't he "Jenson Mutton"?
0:17:03 > 0:17:06He is Bob.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07High-five!
0:17:09 > 0:17:10Hang on.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13I don't know what's going wrong. I practised in the mirror.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15It's catching.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26And now, with an eye on the traffic and a pocketful of Rescue Remedy,
0:17:26 > 0:17:30it's Britain's most nervous travel correspondent, Beatrice Rhodes.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Bea, are you there?
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Aagh! Sorry. Sorry. I thought I saw a fox. Sorry.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37OK, Bea, and how are things on the roads?
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Frankly, terrifying, Felicity.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42So, I've retreated to a safer spot.
0:17:42 > 0:17:47But I'm OK, I can absolutely do this, I'm fine.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Hippogriff!
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Bea, it's fine, it's just a plane.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55With all due respect, that is easy for you to say
0:17:55 > 0:17:57from the comfort of your studio.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59It's much scarier out here!
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Honestly, it had a beak and everything.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06OK, come on, you can do this, Bea. You've got this.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09SHE HUMS
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Any, you know, traffic news, Bea?
0:18:12 > 0:18:14SHE HUMS
0:18:16 > 0:18:17I'm fine.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Well, the A007 is currently gridlocked, so...
0:18:20 > 0:18:22BELL RINGS
0:18:22 > 0:18:23Aaagh! Bicycle!
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Aaagh! Another one!
0:18:26 > 0:18:28They're swarming! Please, if you can still hear me, send help!
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Aaagh!
0:18:30 > 0:18:31And send bike repellent too!
0:18:31 > 0:18:36Bea Rhodes there, more highly strung than a sky-diving violinist.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Now, to see what the weather is doing,
0:18:42 > 0:18:44we could all probably just look outside,
0:18:44 > 0:18:47but we've got some regional quotas to fill.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48So let's cross to Davina Wave
0:18:48 > 0:18:51to see how she's putting Newcastle in the record books today!
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Thanks, Flicky!
0:18:55 > 0:18:57And for today's high-octane weather report, I'm going
0:18:57 > 0:18:59to be setting the record for...
0:19:05 > 0:19:08And to help us gallop all the way to Geordie victory,
0:19:08 > 0:19:13it's none other than DNN's top sportsman, Gary Ogden.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Right, when Henry said to help with the weather,
0:19:15 > 0:19:18I didn't expect to be in close quarters with your hindquarters.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20I know. Bonus!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- Ah - and there's Map. - Hello, Mappy! Give us a wave!
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Ha! He waved at me! He waved at me!
0:19:26 > 0:19:28I'm never going to wash these eyes again.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32OK, get ready, Davina - in three, two, one...
0:19:32 > 0:19:33And we're off!
0:19:35 > 0:19:37And that London is going to be
0:19:37 > 0:19:41so sunny you have to take refuge in your underground.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43In Aberdeen, as usual,
0:19:43 > 0:19:47you will be experiencing rain as heavy as Gary's breathing.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49You all right, back there, Gary?
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Gary? Gary?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Sorry, I got lost.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57We are nearly there.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59And now... Knock it up a little, Gary!
0:19:59 > 0:20:04..it is time for the weather in our glorious nation of Newcastle.
0:20:06 > 0:20:11Newcastle, the running capital of the world!
0:20:11 > 0:20:17The Blaydon Races. The Great North Run. Newcastle.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18And that's time up!
0:20:18 > 0:20:19How did we do, Flicky?
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Well, you managed to run 75 metres!
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Haway the lads!
0:20:24 > 0:20:28Forget Ant and Dec, it's Gary and Davina!
0:20:28 > 0:20:32Wow! Does that make me an honorary Geordie, Davina?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Have you ever fended off a pack of angry stoats with
0:20:34 > 0:20:36- only your mammy's apron?- Nope.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Then you've answered your own question, pet.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40Off you pop.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Back to yous in the studio. Haway!
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Davina Wave there.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Tyneside's very own Tasmanian devil.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49I love you, Mappy!
0:20:52 > 0:20:56Earlier in the show, our intrepid reporter Phil Tyme went to
0:20:56 > 0:21:00tackle a demon barber about a mop crop gone horribly wrong.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Mappy. He's just so very, very green, Felicity.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Yes, he is, Bob. Phil, what's the situation?
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Well, Felicity, we're about to speak to the suspect stylist.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14As soon as he's done moussing up that fellow, we'll be good to go.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Stella, are you excited about getting your money back?
0:21:17 > 0:21:18Like, mega rush,
0:21:18 > 0:21:21I haven't been this excited Debbie got tickets to the Union J concert,
0:21:21 > 0:21:24except she read the website wrong and actually brought onion jam.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- Can I help you? - Well, let's see, shall we?
0:21:27 > 0:21:32For I am Phil Tyme, the People's Champion from DNN, and I want
0:21:32 > 0:21:36to know why you are ripping off your customers with slapdash haircuts?
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Yes, because it's like I said to Debbie, right.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Pack it in about Debbie, Stella.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44I'm working here. What are you staring at?
0:21:44 > 0:21:49- I'm sorry, I'm distracted by this. - My hairdo? What's up with it?
0:21:49 > 0:21:53It kind of looks like it's been done by a monkey with garden shears.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57Terry did this. Terry, I thought you said this look was in.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01- Please, if you would allow me. Janine.- I'm not sure about this.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02That's quite all right.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11- Very swanky, where did you learn that?- Burnley, sir.- Very nice.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Now what I want to talk to you about is...
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Are they chocolate HobNobs?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Blimey, it's like being royalty. Thanks, Janine.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Thank you very much, what about getting me my money, yes?
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Stella, your hair looks fine.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Just tell people it's Lady Gaga or something, yeah?
0:22:28 > 0:22:32And chuck us that copy of Take A Break.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Lovely, this is a turn-up for the books.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Phil Tyme, the People's Champion,
0:22:37 > 0:22:43getting the respect he deserves, for once. Take them back, Terence.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Janine, couldn't fetch some cheese and crackers, could you, love?
0:22:47 > 0:22:49And that's all we've got time for...
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Sorry. Sorry to interrupt, but you know the thing
0:22:51 > 0:22:54we weren't supposed to tell Henry... What was it again?
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Nothing. There was nothing we weren't supposed to tell Henry.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59There was. What was it? Only, I don't want to tell him.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03- Go away.- I'd do as she says, or she will sing at you.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07- I can sing, Bob.- And I can sleep without the light on. I can't!
0:23:07 > 0:23:10I've remembered! We're not supposed to tell Henry about the party
0:23:10 > 0:23:13we all went to last night? That he wasn't invited to?
0:23:13 > 0:23:16When you got your toe trapped in a door and made that horrible
0:23:16 > 0:23:19loud screaming noise that went on for ages...
0:23:19 > 0:23:21I rest my case.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25- Gary!- Felicity, I knew all about the party. I know everything.
0:23:25 > 0:23:29But I didn't go because I don't socialise with the staff.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31The staff?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Now finish the show. And Gary?
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Yes, your eminence?
0:23:35 > 0:23:36Get off.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Yes, your "neminence".
0:23:38 > 0:23:40So, on that note, I've been
0:23:40 > 0:23:43the somewhat offended but vocally amazing Felicity Bond...
0:23:43 > 0:23:48And I've...remembered I've got the evidence, Your Honour.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51- Say goodbye, Bob. - Goodbye, Bob! Full screen.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54SCREECHY SINGING
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Birds are falling from the sky!
0:24:00 > 0:24:02I could so win The X Factor.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Oh, stand by for this bit.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06And by stand by, I mean save yourselves!
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Pitch perfect.
0:24:11 > 0:24:12It's a no from me.