0:00:02 > 0:00:05Bob? Bob, it's Henry. Can I have a word?
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Ah, Jahmene, have you seen Bob?
0:00:07 > 0:00:10Uh... negative, boss man. Have you tried his room?
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Obviously. I take it it's your sports tricks video this week?
0:00:13 > 0:00:16It is, yeah. I'm going to see if Bob has any mad football skills.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20I'd settle for some news reading skills.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21LION ROARS
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Oh!
0:00:23 > 0:00:27Hi, Henry! I'm sooooo excited about today's show.
0:00:27 > 0:00:31I totally can't wait to do that top secret celebrity exclusive,
0:00:31 > 0:00:341) because celebrities are the best and 2)...
0:00:34 > 0:00:36First rule of telly, Kelly,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39save some of that...infectious enthusiasm for the show.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40Now, have you seen Bob?
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Yep. He went in there. Right.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Bob? Bob? Bob?!
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Ah, Davina. What's today's record attempt?
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Oh, erm, flipping tyres, Henry!
0:00:52 > 0:00:54What have you got against tyres?
0:00:54 > 0:00:56No, no, no. Me and Mappy are doing the weather
0:00:56 > 0:00:58while I set the record for flipping tyres!
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Of course you are. Now, have you seen Bob?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02- Why aye. He's in there. - Thank you.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04You're welcome.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Thanks, Mappy, I owe you one!
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Hello and welcome to DNN, I'm the pristine Felicity Bond.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29I'm Bob Roberts. This is a picture of my mother Roberta.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Love you, Mum. And here are today's headlines.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33A cat swallows a pogo stick.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40A trailer is released for the Marley & Me sequel, Bob Marley & Me.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43MUSIC: "Buffalo Soldier" by Bob Marley
0:01:47 > 0:01:50And a lazy squirrel finds a new way to get up trees.
0:01:55 > 0:01:59So, Bob, I discovered something very interesting online last night.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Was it the website for the official Bob Roberts Fan Club, Flicky?
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Current membership of two. Like I said, love you, Mum.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09No, Bob, it was an interesting little video called
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Bob Roberts' Epic Fail.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Have a look at this.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15And for his latest report about the future of robots,
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Ricky's been to the laboratory in...
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Yeah, I know... completely misunderstood and started
0:02:19 > 0:02:23- milking its udders.- Bob!- ...There was milk everywhere!
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- Bob, we're live, what are you doing? - Sorry, there's someone in here.
0:02:26 > 0:02:31Aisha, what are you doing in my house? This is not my house.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Ah, well, yes. I mean it's easily done.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37These studios can be an absolute maze, Flicky.
0:02:37 > 0:02:38How did you find it anyway?
0:02:38 > 0:02:42Easy. I searched "Bob Roberts Fail" and there were
0:02:42 > 0:02:45853 videos. That was just the first one.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Yeah? Well, right, two can play that game.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51How do you spell "Felicity", Felicity?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Time to welcome our human canine,
0:02:57 > 0:03:02it's J-Dog Jahmene Ma- Oh, look, Felicity what does Henry want?
0:03:02 > 0:03:05This is hardly the time for charades, Henry.
0:03:05 > 0:03:06We're trying to do a show.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09OK, two words? How many syllables in the...
0:03:09 > 0:03:10Can you not hear Henry?
0:03:10 > 0:03:12He wants us to go live to Phil Tyme.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16What? No, I can't hear him at all, Felicity!
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Nothing! I've lost my hearing!
0:03:19 > 0:03:21I'm too young and handsome for this to happen!
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Oh, I'll never hear the beautiful song of the morning birds again,
0:03:24 > 0:03:26or the latest Miley Cyrus
0:03:26 > 0:03:29record... which in a way, would be a good thing.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Try putting your ear piece in, Bob.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Oh, yes, yes, yes.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Ah! Go ahead, caller.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Well, we're going to cross now to our consumer champ, Phil Tyme,
0:03:39 > 0:03:41who I believe is hot on the heels of a graffiti vandal.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45Oh, I love graffiti. It's especially good with meatballs.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46You're thinking of spaghetti.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I am thinking about spaghetti.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50I'm always thinking about spaghetti.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Phil, are you there?
0:03:51 > 0:03:52With meatballs.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Yes, Felicity.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Phil Tyme here, the people's champion,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59and this lovely lady next to me is Helen.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Now, Helen has written in
0:04:01 > 0:04:05complaining about the graffiti hooligan who keeps mucking up
0:04:05 > 0:04:07her street and especially,
0:04:07 > 0:04:11the side of her house. Is THIS the offending wall here, Helen?
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Yes, I already told you that.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18- Yes, but we weren't on the TV then so we've got to...- Fine.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Yes, this is the wall. It's awful.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25I clean it up and then as soon as the street quiet, someone come and
0:04:25 > 0:04:29- spray graffiti all over it. There. - A bit shirty, this one, Terry.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31So, what's the plan, Phil?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33We've cleared the street and we're going to
0:04:33 > 0:04:37lie in wait behind that bench there until they show up.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40- Aren't we, Helen?- They spray graffiti all over that too.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44- I had to repaint it this morning. - Oh, dear.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45So, join us later
0:04:45 > 0:04:48when the writing will most definitely be on the wall for this
0:04:48 > 0:04:54vicious vandal when I bring them to televisual justice, live on DNN!
0:04:54 > 0:04:58- A bit lower, Helen.- No, I think that's about right.- Suit yourself.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00We're off to hide. See you in a bit.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05Phil Tyme there, quite literally trying to clean up the streets.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09That's a permanent marker, Bob.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10Is it?
0:05:10 > 0:05:15Er, Steve? Can we get a new screen for the desk, please?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17This one is faulty.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Time to head to Jahmene Mann who I believe has a "tricky"
0:05:22 > 0:05:24proposition for us today.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27That's right, Felicity. Bob, I have one question for you.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29And here's my answer... Timbuktu.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32No, Bob, I was going to ask if you're any good at keepie-uppies?
0:05:32 > 0:05:36Of course, Jahmene, I once did seven on the bounce at school.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Wayne Rooney has nothing on me!
0:05:38 > 0:05:40That's my close personal friend, Wayne Rooney.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Not now, Gary. It's Bob time.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45All right then, Bob, show us what you've got.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Certainly. Lob it over.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Sorry, Phil.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Well, with the World Cup just around the corner,
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I predict we will see some totally rad tricks.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08However, with dozens of sports to pick from, I reckoned that you
0:06:08 > 0:06:11lot out there would have some pretty silky skills.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12So, let's meet the street.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17OK, so whether it's some classic keepie-uppie,
0:06:17 > 0:06:20a beautifully balanced basket ball or a skateboarder's perfect
0:06:20 > 0:06:23pop shove-it, we're always impressed by people with sporting
0:06:23 > 0:06:27skills to pay the bills, and today, I'm looking for...
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Let's get the ball rolling.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37One, two, three...
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Yes!
0:06:39 > 0:06:4194, 95, 96...
0:06:43 > 0:06:44Ouch!
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Oh, yes! Yes!
0:06:50 > 0:06:51Hula-hooping champion.
0:06:51 > 0:06:551,605... I can't keep up.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57So, there it is, people of Britain.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00You're more than OK when it comes to game-playing.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03But if there's one thing that I've learnt today,
0:07:03 > 0:07:06it's that some tricks are more trouble than they're worth.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07OK, guy, I can hit this ball
0:07:07 > 0:07:10so high it goes to that factory chimney over there.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- Yeah, right!- Nah, for real. Check it.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24OK, laterz, yeah?
0:07:26 > 0:07:29- OI! GET HERE!- No, no, no. No, no, no. No. Argh!
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- Get Here!- No, no, no, no! Man down! Man down!
0:07:32 > 0:07:35MUSIC: "Theme To Match Of The Day" by Barry Stoller
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Actually easier than it looks, this.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45Steve. Steve, mate. Steven.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47He's unemployable.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Well now, it's time to strap in and rocket down that showbiz
0:07:56 > 0:07:59highway with our speed demon Kelly Fornia.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Hey, Kelly!
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Hi, Flickster. Hiya Bobster.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06It's been a simply amazing, samazing, week.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08I went to Manchester to watch Little Mix on tour
0:08:08 > 0:08:11They were sooo good. I couldn't decide who's my favourite.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14I really liked Perrie, but Jade was just uber cool,
0:08:14 > 0:08:16and then I went to see X-Men where Jennifer Lawrence was painted
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- all blue...- Kelly!- ..I love her so I painted all my nails blue, look.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21It really has been a totally sick week and...
0:08:21 > 0:08:24You've been sick all week and Henry's made you work?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27No, Bob, it's been an awesome week, you know... bare sick!
0:08:27 > 0:08:31Bear sick? What? Does that smell of honey?
0:08:31 > 0:08:33No, Bob, no bears were sick!
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Oh, thank goodness. The bear's fine.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37The bear is fine, everyone! Stand down.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Anyway, Kelly, the showbiz headlines?
0:08:39 > 0:08:40First up....
0:08:40 > 0:08:44Gran from Wizards vs Aliens does her impression of a dissolving aspirin.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51Dev from Corrie gets a new role as a grandfather clock.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Bong!
0:08:52 > 0:08:56And Young Dracula's dad finds his way around a "wet floor" sign.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Thanks, Kelly. So, I hear you have an exclusive interview for us?
0:09:04 > 0:09:10Oh, my, wow. It's so amazing because it completely hasn't happened.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Ah. Were they sick too?
0:09:12 > 0:09:13Totally not.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15I did have an interview utterly lined up
0:09:15 > 0:09:16but things did not go to plan and I ended up
0:09:16 > 0:09:19standing around for ages but that was totally amazing cos it
0:09:19 > 0:09:22allowed me to learn every word of Can We Dance by The Vamps.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24- Kelly!- Yes?- What actually happened?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26This happened. Check it out!
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Hi! I'm Kelly Fornia and today,
0:09:30 > 0:09:32I was totally meant to be meeting up with a mega celebrity
0:09:32 > 0:09:34at their house, but they haven't turned up.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37It's true. Too samazing, isn't it? Even better than made-up things.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Anymaze, this is even better now because I get to show you round
0:09:41 > 0:09:45their house instead and you get to guess who lives here!
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Oh, my, wow.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51This is majorly their front door and it's see-through. That's so cool!
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Coloured doors are cool too.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Green has to be my favourite colour, closely followed by red, then blue.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Joint third with purple, beige, mauve, burgundy, brown
0:09:59 > 0:10:02and teal, but basically all colours are fantastic.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06It's locked.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08The spare keys were under the garden gnome.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Amazing. Scratch that. Gnomazing, new word.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16So, who's house is this, peeps? You probably want some clues, right?
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Oh, clues are fantastic.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19They're my best part to solving the puzzle,
0:10:19 > 0:10:22apart from the answer bit, which is even better.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Uber wow.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Clue one. Look at all these bears. Oh, I love bears!
0:10:26 > 0:10:28And so does this person.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30OR their house has been invaded by bears,
0:10:30 > 0:10:34like a reverse Goldilocks, reversilocks.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Clue two. I'm all up in their grills.
0:10:37 > 0:10:42This person must be a humassive griller. Ooh, gorillas.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44They're just as fantastic as bears.
0:10:44 > 0:10:51So, whoever lives here loves bears, and grills.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Who lives here?
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Er, is it Grizzly Toasts house?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58- No.- Teddy Chargrill!
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- Nope.- Yogi Panini!
0:11:00 > 0:11:03No Bob, think a bit harder. You're almost there.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- No, it's gone. - It's Bear Grylls!
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Yes! It was amazing outdoors survivey adventure man Bear Grylls.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13What is this obsession with bears, Kelly?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- Were you actually watching, Bob?- No.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Great! I can start from scratch.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20I should probably give you some of Bear's backstory first.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21He was born on the 7th June 1974...
0:11:21 > 0:11:24No, that's fine Kelly... We'll see you next time. Bye, now, bye!
0:11:24 > 0:11:26..and grew up in Northern Ireland...
0:11:26 > 0:11:27Evanesco!
0:11:27 > 0:11:28How did you do that, Bob?
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Hah... Muggles!
0:11:32 > 0:11:36Learning things news now and recent strikes by teachers left
0:11:36 > 0:11:39classrooms in chaos up and down the country.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42But some local councils have recently introduced a scheme
0:11:42 > 0:11:45to ensure that the school show must go on!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47To tell us more in an angry voice, the woman whose
0:11:47 > 0:11:51sense of humour is permanently on strike, it's Nellie Osmond.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58For some people, the idea of returning to school fills them
0:11:58 > 0:12:00with dread, probably
0:12:00 > 0:12:02because they mucked around and didn't take things seriously.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05And those who did take things seriously were given stupid
0:12:05 > 0:12:09immature nicknames like Smelly Osmond.... I imagine.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12I'm here at this emergency teacher training school where
0:12:12 > 0:12:15members of the local community are trained up as teachers to
0:12:15 > 0:12:18act as cover for when the real teachers are on strike.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Let's take a look.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23I'm here with Amber and Daniel, the school's test pupils.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- So, what's the first lesson? - It's Geography, Nellie.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Being taught by the local hairdresser.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33I know all the best places abroad, me. Alicante!
0:12:33 > 0:12:38- It's lovely in Alicante. Benidorm. - This is ridiculous.
0:12:38 > 0:12:44- She just keeps pointing at Spain. - Malta! NO. Do not go to Malta.
0:12:44 > 0:12:49It's horrible, I got food poisoning and threw up in the swimming pool.
0:12:49 > 0:12:54- May-jorka!- Right. This is pointless. I'm going to powder my ears.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Where else is there?
0:12:55 > 0:12:59Now, this is an English class, and it's being taught by...
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Ah, the village newsagent.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08- Good afternoon... - What are you doing?! Get out there!
0:13:08 > 0:13:11There's only two school children allowed in here at any one time.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15All right?! Well, rules are rules after all. It's a yes from me.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17- Carry on.- Whatever, hop it.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Unbelievable! Right, what were we talking about?
0:13:20 > 0:13:26- HEY! Walk! Don't run!- Well, this is a poor excuse for a football match.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29But, I'll join in I suppose because I am a professional.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- Eh, YOU, girl, where's your kit?! - Me? No, I don't have a kit.
0:13:32 > 0:13:33I'm a serious journalist.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Oh, well you'll have to do it in your vest and pants then.
0:13:36 > 0:13:42- You must be joking.- It's that, or wear something from lost property.
0:13:42 > 0:13:49- HEY!- Urgh, these clothes reek. When were they last washed? Disgusting.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52So, this new form of substitute teaching might seem
0:13:52 > 0:13:54good on paper, but the Nellie Osmond school of thinking
0:13:54 > 0:13:59gives it a heavily underlined F. This is Nellie Osmond, requesting
0:13:59 > 0:14:02- an early bath for DNN. - Smelly Osmond!- I heard that!
0:14:03 > 0:14:05- Huh huh!- Thanks, Smelly.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Well, it's time for us to go on strike now...
0:14:08 > 0:14:10But don't go anywhere, we'll be back in a flash.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13We will. But remember, other superheroes are available!
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Good work, everyone! Sharp stuff. I liked it.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- How long have we got, Steve? - About a minute.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Great, I'm going to check my make up.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Right, well I'm off to the little Bob's room.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Can we pull up Phil's live feed, please? Nice stuff, Felicity.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- Thanks, Henry. - Adequate as ever, Bob.
0:14:32 > 0:14:33Whatever, Henry.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Ah! Phil, could I have a brief word please?
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Sure. How's "underpants"?
0:14:37 > 0:14:41No, Phil, I just wanted a quick update on this graffiti vandal.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Well H... Can I call you H?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46I'd prefer Henry.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47What about Hen-meister?
0:14:47 > 0:14:48Absolutely not.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Well, I'll stick with H. Well, H I'm pretty sure...
0:14:50 > 0:14:53BOB FROM BATHROOM: "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world..."
0:14:53 > 0:14:54WATER RUNS
0:14:54 > 0:14:58Oops, sounds like someone's left their mic on...
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Astonishing. Anyway, Phil my suggestion to you...
0:15:01 > 0:15:03BOB IMPERSONATING HENRY: "Nice stuff, Felicity. Adequate, Bob.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06"I'm so smooth and clever but also so very, very dull!"
0:15:06 > 0:15:08STREAM CONTINUES
0:15:08 > 0:15:10OK, back on in 20...
0:15:10 > 0:15:11Oh. Better head back.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Anyway, Henry, we'll be in touch when we spot the graffiti vandal.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16C'mon, Terry...
0:15:16 > 0:15:18STREAM STOPS
0:15:18 > 0:15:21- Right, good luck, everyone, you'll need it.- Back in 10!
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Ah, Felicity. One hot water bottle, filled as requested.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Could hardly get it under the tap.
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Oh, thank goodness!
0:15:29 > 0:15:30I forgot to take a wee.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Welcome back to DNN, breaking the news just for you!
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Well, you break it and I fix it, Felicity...
0:15:38 > 0:15:42- That's not what I meant.- Anyway, time for a trip to sportsland to meet
0:15:42 > 0:15:44its Prime Minister, Gary Ogden.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45Thanks, Bob.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Yes, it's the Ogginator here with all
0:15:47 > 0:15:50the latest from the world of professional hitting things,
0:15:50 > 0:15:53running after people and trying to get a thing in a thing.
0:15:53 > 0:15:54Here are the headlines.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Ping Pong competitors make the best of it
0:15:56 > 0:15:59when they turn up at the wrong venue.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05There's a mass escape from the local Greyhound track.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11And cyclists demonstrate a new organic bicycle.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19But my top story this week is diving!
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Yes, it always looks so simple on TV,
0:16:21 > 0:16:23but what does the perfect dive entail?
0:16:23 > 0:16:27To find out, I sent over someone who's NEVER out of his depth...
0:16:27 > 0:16:30It's Gary Ogden. Over to you, Gary.
0:16:30 > 0:16:31Thanks, Gary.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Yes, I've come along to find out all there is to know about diving
0:16:34 > 0:16:39with Splash! judge and close personal friend, Leon Taylor!
0:16:39 > 0:16:42- Do I actually know you? - Sheldon swimming baths, 1998.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44You were in the changing rooms,
0:16:44 > 0:16:47I was the guy with his head stuck in the vending machine.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49I was wearing armbands and Postman Pat swimming trunks?
0:16:49 > 0:16:53See? He remembers! I never did get those crisps.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57So, Leon, I've come dressed for the occasion and I'm ready to dive!
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Yeah, Gary, what are you actually wearing?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01What are you NOT wearing, more like!
0:17:01 > 0:17:04I mean, he hasn't even got a snorkel! Hey, check this out.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08"Luke! I am your father!"
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- Brilliant.- Gary, it's not that sort of diving.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13It's actually this sort of diving.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16What, really?
0:17:16 > 0:17:20Leon, me old buddy, is it safe diving off heights like this?
0:17:20 > 0:17:23This is actually only the 3m platform.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27So, um, what's this I hear about...
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- the wedgie.- The what? - You know, the...
0:17:31 > 0:17:33I've heard it's a professional hazard.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- Shall we just concentrate on the diving?- Yeah, yeah.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Toes right on the end, arms above the head,
0:17:39 > 0:17:43tip forward from the hips, up onto the toes and go.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Wah-haa!
0:17:45 > 0:17:46Oh! Ah!
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- You OK to give it a go?- Yeah, sure. Hey, why don't we go together?
0:17:51 > 0:17:56- Oh, good idea. Let's go on three. - OK. I'll count.- Sounds good.- Cool.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01- OK. Forwards.- 1, 2 and...
0:18:03 > 0:18:05I never said three, Leon!
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Right, that is quite naughty. Well, he's spoiled the moment now.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11I'm going home. Honestly!
0:18:11 > 0:18:12Back to you in the studio, Gary.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16Thanks, Gary. Anyway, that's your sport for this week.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Before you go, Gary, I've just been skiing on the internet...
0:18:19 > 0:18:21It's surfing, Bob. Surfing the internet.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Maybe in Californ-i-a, Miss Yankee Doodle Fancy Pants...
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Anyway, gal old pal, I found a video of you having
0:18:28 > 0:18:32a screen-test for a job as a BBC Sports Reporter...
0:18:32 > 0:18:33You kept that quiet...
0:18:33 > 0:18:34Ah, well... You know...I er...
0:18:34 > 0:18:36don't like to brag about such things...
0:18:36 > 0:18:38- Well let's have a look shall we? - No! No, no, no...
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Hello, welcome to the sports locker. I'm Gary Ogden.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Er, it's "Welcome to the sports news", and you're looking into
0:18:45 > 0:18:47the wrong camera, Gary.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Oh, right. Yeah, OK. I knew that. Just testing.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Hello, welcome to the sports news. I'm Gary Ogden.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Today, I'll be speaking to my close personal friend,
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Gary Line-ike-er about this weekend's sport.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- OK, no. It's Lineker, Gary. - Lineker Gary?
0:19:03 > 0:19:06No, no, you've definitely got those names the wrong way round.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Gary's his first name, mate.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Oh! Gary!
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Ah yes, me and my close personal friend Gary Line-ike-er
0:19:12 > 0:19:14often have a good laugh about that.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16In fact, here he is ringing me now.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17It's not ringing, Gary.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18It's on silent.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Hi Gary. Yep, I'm free for lunch. Yes, yes...
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Now, let's head outside for another weather challenge with
0:19:26 > 0:19:29overwhelming weathergirl Davina Wave and her sidekick, Map!
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Oh, it's Mappy, Felicity.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Look, I've made my own Ireland glove, just like Mappy's.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- That's some cabbage, Bob. - I know.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37Are you there, Davina?
0:19:37 > 0:19:38Are you there, MAPPY?
0:19:38 > 0:19:43All right, pets, yes, it's Davina Wave here, and Map!
0:19:43 > 0:19:47And I'm here to tell all you sunny sunbeams how sunny it's gonna be.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50So, Davina! What record will you be setting this week?
0:19:50 > 0:19:54Well, today, Felicity, I'm going to be setting the record for...
0:19:59 > 0:20:02OK, Davina, your time starts in 3, 2, 1...
0:20:02 > 0:20:04And we're off!
0:20:04 > 0:20:09In Brighton, it's gonna be grey, grim and overcast.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Brighton? You might as well call it "Dull-ton"!
0:20:12 > 0:20:15In that London...
0:20:15 > 0:20:18it's gonna be lovely and sunny.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21But have you got a geet big majestic Tyne Bridge?
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Eh, no, I doing think you do, do you?
0:20:24 > 0:20:26So put that back in your geet big box.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Or studio apartment as you like to call it.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Come on, man, it's a bedsit!
0:20:31 > 0:20:37Oh, the stunning Tyne Bridge of the city of... NEWCASTLE!
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Step it up a gear! Newcastle!
0:20:40 > 0:20:44The only city in the world with an underground called the Metro
0:20:44 > 0:20:49unless you include Paris or Warsaw! Woohoo! Toon Army!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Time's up Davina.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52All right. How did I do?
0:20:52 > 0:20:54You managed 25 tyre flips.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Another glorious victory for the people of Newcastle!
0:20:58 > 0:20:59Glad you're happy.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01And I'm glad he's Mappy!
0:21:01 > 0:21:04So, what record are you going for next week, Davina?
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Geordiest Geordie on TV?
0:21:06 > 0:21:09No, Felicity, I've got to go for something I don't already have.
0:21:09 > 0:21:10Haway!
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Mappy there. With his sidekick, Davina Wave.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17You just ate your finger, didn't you?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Yep. A little bit. Yep.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26I'm hearing that Phil Tyme is still on the lookout for the elusive
0:21:26 > 0:21:28graffiti vandal.
0:21:28 > 0:21:29What's happening, Phil?
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Well, Felicity, we're still live and...
0:21:32 > 0:21:34yeah, all right, Terry, two's plenty, thank you.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36And we're hiding behind this bench
0:21:36 > 0:21:41- and we're expecting the vandal to turn up any moment now.- Phil!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Don't touch the bench! I had to paint over the graffiti.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Oh, yeah, right you are, yeah. Oh! Hang on! Who's this?
0:21:48 > 0:21:53Oh! This is it! We've got him! Quick, Terry, come on. Follow me.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57Eh, stop! Stop! In the name of Phil Tyme, the people's champion.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59But I wasn't even doing anything!
0:21:59 > 0:22:03Oh, yeah? You've got the can in your hand, madam! Oh! Oh! Police! Police!
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Terry and I have just caught this ruffian doing their illegal
0:22:06 > 0:22:08graffiti on this wall.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10I've been trying to catch these delinquents for months!
0:22:10 > 0:22:13No need to thank me, all in a day's work for Phil Tyme,
0:22:13 > 0:22:15the people's champion.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18- What's all that on your hands? - You what?
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Hah! An accomplice! You've been caught purple handed, sunshine.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25What? No, no, no. This is paint from that bench over there.
0:22:25 > 0:22:26Tell him, Helen.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29I always thought he looked a bit dodgy to be honest.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Let's get you two down to the station.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Helen! Give a live sign and the link back to the studio without me!
0:22:35 > 0:22:40This is Phil Tyme, the idiot criminal from DNN.
0:22:40 > 0:22:47- Take 'em back, Terry. Oh, cheese and biscuits.- Crackers!- He certainly is.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Phil Tyme there, or Jail Tyme as he'll now be known.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Yeah, yeah or...
0:22:54 > 0:22:56doing Tyme!
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Basically the same joke, Bob.
0:22:57 > 0:22:58Fair enough.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Well, that's about all for today.
0:23:01 > 0:23:02Certainly is, Flicky.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06But before we go I've found a cheeky little online nugget about YOU!
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Finally managed to spell my name correctly did you?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Pineapple Steve told me.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13I've found this video of you reporting on a very famous
0:23:13 > 0:23:18news story, Felicity. It certainly makes for interesting viewing.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Today's big news is the maiden voyage of RMS Titanic.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24The world's largest ship is due to set sail any moment now and is
0:23:24 > 0:23:28estimated to arrive in New York in approximately seven days' time.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Now, how is that even possible?
0:23:31 > 0:23:34TV wasn't invented when the Titanic set sail.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37And just how old are you, Felicity?
0:23:37 > 0:23:39I have an excellent make-up artist.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41I've been the timeless Felicity Bond.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44- And I want to see your birth certificate.- Say goodbye, Bob.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Goodbye, Bob!
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Right, let's get to the bottom of this. How old are you?
0:23:48 > 0:23:51- Oh, you couldn't count that high, Bob.- I couldn't count?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54- One, two, three.- Then.- Then. - No, what comes after three?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- What comes after three. - No, not a word, a number.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58- Oh, 11.- No, four.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Sorry, I've stopped concentrating. I'm looking at your teeth.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03- They're incredible.- Stop changing the subject.- There's a subject?
0:24:03 > 0:24:06There we go. Yet another Bob Roberts fail video.