0:00:02 > 0:00:04- Morning, everyone. - Ah, Henry. Good morning!
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Just polishing up that piece on interest rates.
0:00:07 > 0:00:08Interesting stuff!
0:00:08 > 0:00:11And I'm just trying to get a World Cup quote from Wayne Rooney -
0:00:11 > 0:00:14does anyone know how we might contact him at all?
0:00:14 > 0:00:15I'm happy to help if I can, Gary,
0:00:15 > 0:00:17from one professional to another.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20Excellent stuff. Bea, what's the traffic like today?
0:00:20 > 0:00:22There's nasty snarl-up on the motorway,
0:00:22 > 0:00:25so I'll be jumping into the lovely, noisy DNN helicopter!
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Well, this all sounds fantastic - have a great show, everyone.
0:00:28 > 0:00:32Thanks, boss. Hey, everyone, give it up for Henry.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34- ALL:- Hen-ry! Hen-ry! Hen-ry!
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Henry, Henry, Henry...
0:00:40 > 0:00:44Oh, no. Tell me that wasn't a dream...
0:00:44 > 0:00:45SHE SCREAMS
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Can you please keep the noise down?
0:00:47 > 0:00:49I'm trying to do a job of work here!
0:00:49 > 0:00:52This is the best way to do doggy paddle!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Steve! Fetch me a duvet. I'm going back in.
0:01:14 > 0:01:15Hello. Welcome to DNN -
0:01:15 > 0:01:18I'm the never shaken, never stirred Felicity Bond.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20I'm Bob Roberts.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23This is King Henry the Ape and these are today's headlines.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27The new sci-fi series "Doctor Loo" gets off to a shaky start...
0:01:30 > 0:01:33A cat regrets eating an entire live salmon.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39And a young Jedi turns to the dark side
0:01:39 > 0:01:41when he spots a Jar Jar Binks figure.
0:01:46 > 0:01:47But our big story this week is
0:01:47 > 0:01:50the fact that DNN has gone international.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Yes, I've heard the rumours, Felicity,
0:01:52 > 0:01:53and I'm a bit worried, if I'm honest.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55You know I'm not allowed to leave the country.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Bob, all it means is that versions of DNN have been translated
0:01:58 > 0:02:00for viewers all over Europe to watch -
0:02:00 > 0:02:03have a look at this from Spain.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05VOICEOVER IN SPANISH
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Wow. A Spanish Davina. That's incredibly confusing.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Why aye, Bob man,
0:02:21 > 0:02:23even I don't know what I'm saying, like.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27What's Spain got that Newcastle hasn't? Shearer!
0:02:27 > 0:02:28Why aye! Ho-way!
0:02:28 > 0:02:33Actually, can we get the Spanish one back, please?
0:02:36 > 0:02:37And now it's time to head over
0:02:37 > 0:02:39to our investigative reporter Phil Tyme.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43I'd be a great investigative reporter, Flicky.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45I've even made my own magnifying glasses.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Aye, aye!
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Good luck with those on Dragons' Den.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Phil, what's going on with you?
0:02:51 > 0:02:55Well, Felicity, as you can see, I'm in a local art gallery.
0:02:55 > 0:02:56Now, we all love art -
0:02:56 > 0:02:59whether it's a picture of some lovely sunflowers
0:02:59 > 0:03:01or one of them singing fish sculptures
0:03:01 > 0:03:03like I've got in the lounge.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06But where there's art, there's fake art,
0:03:06 > 0:03:10and that's why art professor Tessa Turner e-mailed me last week.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13- Hello.- Hi, Phil. I love the show.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Ooh! Did you hear that, Terry? We've got a fan!
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Which bit do you like the most?
0:03:17 > 0:03:22Um, probably the camerawork - I think it's just top-notch.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25OK. Well, you said in your e-mail that you thought there were a bunch
0:03:25 > 0:03:30of wrong 'uns creating copies of famous artwork out of this gallery.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33That's right, Phil. Only last week, I saw a fake Monet.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Fake Monet? What, like you get in Monopoly?
0:03:36 > 0:03:37Not money, MONET.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41He's a painter, Terry. Sorry! I mean Phil.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- Sorry, Terry.- That's fine. Terry, back onto me, please.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49So, long story short, we're going to track down these painting pirates,
0:03:49 > 0:03:51and I'm going to emerge as the greatest thing
0:03:51 > 0:03:54to happen to art since dot-to-dot.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58- That's all coming up later in DNN...live.- Love.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- I mean "live". - Right, what's going on here?!
0:04:01 > 0:04:02We'll see you in a bit.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Terry, flipping 'eck,
0:04:04 > 0:04:07you're blushing like a Barnsley football jersey.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Time to head over to Jahmene Mann,
0:04:09 > 0:04:10who I believe is looking to introduce
0:04:10 > 0:04:13some proper culture to DNN.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16That's right, Felicity. Bob, tell me what you think of opera?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Oh. yes, I love all her shows.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22She's just so compassionate. And rich.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24You're thinking about Oprah Winfrey.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Jahmene asked what you know about op-era.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Oh, you mean all that hoity-toity, fancy singing malarkey?
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Can't say I've ever thought about it.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Well, Bob, as we're all about different languages today,
0:04:35 > 0:04:38I thought I'd head out to see how you lot
0:04:38 > 0:04:39handle singing in Italiano.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43Oh, great, Jahmene, this sounds like a thrilling...
0:04:43 > 0:04:44HE SNORES
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Thanks, Bob. Let's meet the street.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51So what do Russell Watson, Katherine Jenkins
0:04:51 > 0:04:53and Paul Potts have in common?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56That's right, they all sound like they work in your local bank,
0:04:56 > 0:04:58but also they sing like this.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01BAD OPERATIC SINGING
0:05:02 > 0:05:03Only better.
0:05:03 > 0:05:08Anyway, today, I'm looking out for Britain's best opera singers.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Bow ties at the ready, let's give it some wellie!
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Avanti!
0:05:14 > 0:05:16THEY MIME OPERA SINGING
0:05:18 > 0:05:21THEY MIME OPERA SINGING
0:05:30 > 0:05:34THEY MIME OPERA SINGING
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Hello, madam. Can you sing opera?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01I don't know. You tell me.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03SHE SINGS OPERATICALLY
0:06:06 > 0:06:08- Wow! - SHE SINGS A HIGH NOTE
0:06:08 > 0:06:10GLASS SMASHES
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Oops!
0:06:13 > 0:06:16You're in trouble now, sunshine!
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Come on, I didn't know she was going to be good enough to do that!
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Come here, you! Come here!
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Yaaargh! Yaaargh!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Calm down! Calm down!
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Now it's time for today's showbiz news.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Yes, so let's cross to Little Miss Chatterbox herself,
0:06:36 > 0:06:37Kelly Fornia.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39How's your week been, Kelly?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Oh my wow, Flickster! Are you joking me?
0:06:42 > 0:06:45It's been THE best week...EVER.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Obviously, Glastonbury starts...
0:06:47 > 0:06:52GIRL FROM IPANEMA PLAYS
0:06:59 > 0:07:00Oh, um...
0:07:00 > 0:07:03THANKS, KELLY! WHAT ABOUT THIS WEEK'S SHOWBIZ HEADLINES?
0:07:03 > 0:07:06OK, here we go. The Hope family on Emmerdale
0:07:06 > 0:07:09have way too many sugar lumps in their tea.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10There's nothing to cure.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13I'm not talking about your thick head.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Hank Zipzer learns never to eat beans before chemistry class.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Everybody remain calm!
0:07:21 > 0:07:24And on Young Dracula, Vlad's dad gets stuck
0:07:24 > 0:07:26on the world's highest coat hook.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I just think we need to be more sensible!
0:07:29 > 0:07:33Brilliant. Guys, who is your favourite TV magician?
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Gandalf.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36He's a character from Lord Of The Rings.
0:07:36 > 0:07:37He's not a real magician.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- Aled Jones. - He's a TV presenter, not a magician.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- A egg. - Er, no, Bob, an egg can't...
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Honestly, Kelly, what's the point in asking a question
0:07:45 > 0:07:47if you don't like my answer?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Anyway, in my big DNN exclusive,
0:07:49 > 0:07:53I can reveal the next master of magic - check this out.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Alakazam, besties! That's magic for "Hi, besties."
0:07:58 > 0:08:00I'm Kelly Fornia and today,
0:08:00 > 0:08:05I'm here with uber-cool new magician the mega-magical Johnny Turbine.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08All right, Kelly. Nice to see you.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Can I just say, I love magic.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14Growing up, all I ever wanted to be was a magician. And a firefighter.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15And a dogs' judge at Crufts.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17And a molecular geneticist.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Right, well, it's good to be focused.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- Right, will you do a trick for us now?- Yeah, sure.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24- Have to warn you though, I'm not easily impressed.- OK.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27What I'd like you to do is pick a card.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Oh, a whole deck of cards and I get to pick one!
0:08:29 > 0:08:31This is like the opposite to Snap - brilliant.
0:08:31 > 0:08:32OK, take a card out.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Have a look at it.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Show the viewers.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41And put it back in the deck without showing me.
0:08:43 > 0:08:44OK.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48It's happened. Check your pocket.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53My bus pass! Amazeballs! How did you know it would be there?
0:08:53 > 0:08:55No, the other pocket.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- I think she's speechless. - Oh my wow! How do you do that?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05You absolutely have to tell me how you did that.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Please, please tell me how you did that.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Kelly, I'm afraid magicians are bound by a solemn vow
0:09:09 > 0:09:11never to reveal how they do their tricks.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Magician code-tastic!
0:09:13 > 0:09:15You totally didn't answer my question,
0:09:15 > 0:09:18which is even better than you answering my question.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21So, here are more questions for you not to answer.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Do you have to pass a magic exam before you can be a magician?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Have you got a wand for life or do you get a box of them, like Biros?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Have you ever lost someone's top half?
0:09:29 > 0:09:32And who's magic-er? Dynamo or Troy?
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Well, where is she then?
0:09:39 > 0:09:40What happened to her?
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- Look over here, Bobster... - HOW did she do THAT?
0:09:43 > 0:09:45I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47She probably just walked over there.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Ooh, I like keeping secrets.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51I remember once when my uber-bestie Rachel
0:09:51 > 0:09:53told me that she fancied Dave, and I didn't tell anyone...
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Ah, the lovely sound of silence!
0:09:55 > 0:09:56..and Dave...
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Science news now, and researchers have recently revealed that
0:10:02 > 0:10:07certain smells have the ability to actually change our emotions.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10It's true - every time I have the spicy sausage panini for lunch,
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Flicky ends up in tears.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13- PHRRRT! - Ugh.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15So there really was only one woman
0:10:15 > 0:10:18we could send to investigate such claims.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Here's Nellie Osmond with her special report.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Thank you, Robert.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24I'm here at Maison Whiffe in Paris
0:10:24 > 0:10:27to find out about a revolutionary new kind of perfume.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29So, Dr Ganache,
0:10:29 > 0:10:30you run this so-called laboratory,
0:10:30 > 0:10:31what's going on?
0:10:31 > 0:10:34And don't try and duck the question by being French.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36My viewers want answers.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Well, Nellie, unlike conventional fragrances
0:10:39 > 0:10:41which simply change the way you smell,
0:10:41 > 0:10:43here at Maison Whiffe,
0:10:43 > 0:10:45we create scents which change your personality.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49So, Nellie, just for you, I have created a range of perfumes,
0:10:49 > 0:10:53based on the personalities of your fellow reporters on DNN.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57First of all we have Kelly Fornia - bright, positive,
0:10:57 > 0:10:58but with a nutty undertone.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Ugh! Honestly, that is...super-awesome!
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Oh my wow! It's like smell-mungous!
0:11:06 > 0:11:11I feel totally pep-tastic, in fact, new word - dance-tastic!
0:11:13 > 0:11:18Next, we have essence de Phil Tyme - old-fashioned, unpredictable,
0:11:18 > 0:11:19but with a hint of gooseberry.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Ew! Get a whiff of that.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25This is Phil Tyme live for DNN,
0:11:25 > 0:11:27asking of these lah-di-dah perfumes
0:11:27 > 0:11:30are really worth the daft money they charge.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Here, you're not Terry! Where's Terry? I want Terry.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- GLASS SMASHES - Oh, cheese and crackers!
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- That's the bottle of Davina Wave! - What?
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Howay the lads!
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Yes, pets, there's a smell
0:11:43 > 0:11:44of stotties in the in the air and
0:11:44 > 0:11:46the sweet smell of the Toon Army!
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Cheryl Cole for Prime Minister!
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Huh! Huh! Huh! Howay!
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Et voila - the antidote...
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Yes, well, thank goodness for that.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Honestly, I don't really see the point in these.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Unless...
0:11:58 > 0:12:02- Here, have squirt of Nellie Osmond. - No, no, no! Stop that!
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Seriously! I'm trying to do a job of work here.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Perfect. These personality perfumes might seem ridiculous at first,
0:12:08 > 0:12:11but after seeing these results, I've changed my mind.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12This is Nellie Osmond,
0:12:12 > 0:12:14improving the world one squirt at a time for DNN.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- BOTH:- Back to you, Robert.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Well, thanks, er...Nellies!
0:12:21 > 0:12:24To talk more about how we can control our personalities,
0:12:24 > 0:12:26we're joined in the studio
0:12:26 > 0:12:28by Samson Sanderson, who's a horse whisperer.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30- GRUFF VOICE:- Wotcha, Bob.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32A very hoarse whisperer.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34- HE COUGHS - Sorry, Felicity.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37So, Samson, tell us, just what does a horse whisperer do?
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Well, treacle, it's simple really...
0:12:40 > 0:12:44I get inside the head of the horse, talk to the horse,
0:12:44 > 0:12:47help the horse to overcome any deep-rooted fears.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Exactly, and I thought we could use those horsey powers
0:12:50 > 0:12:54to help out our very own travel reporter, Beatrice Rhodes.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58Samson, Bea needs you to work your special brand of magic.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Yes, she's scared of her own...
0:13:00 > 0:13:02- Shadow! Argh!- Exactly.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Sorry! Sorry!
0:13:04 > 0:13:09Tricky customer. All right, horsey. Calm down. Calm down.
0:13:09 > 0:13:14First you have to gain trust, by stroking the horse's mane.
0:13:14 > 0:13:15HE WHINNIES
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Argh! Motorbike!
0:13:17 > 0:13:18Where?
0:13:18 > 0:13:22- But avoid eye contact. - Argh! He's ignoring me!
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Or if that doesn't work, look directly into the eyes.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Argh! Massive pupils.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28Well, this is going well.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Come on, Samson, you're making me look bad, mate.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Er, then you lean and whisper...
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- Argh! - Stop being scared!- Argh!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- TINKLING - Bea?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Bea?
0:13:41 > 0:13:42You get back.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Ah, and as you can see,
0:13:45 > 0:13:49she's now completely overcome her fear of horse whisperers.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51- What can I say? It's a gift. - Get back.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- It's a stampede! Get back! - You get back!- You get back!
0:13:53 > 0:13:56- No, you get back.- You get back! - You get back!
0:13:56 > 0:14:00I think we're going to need a horse-whisperer whisperer.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02And on that note, it's the perfect time to take a break.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Don't move a muscle.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07I have a signed contract saying you lot have to come back.
0:14:10 > 0:14:11And we're clear.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Here, Henry, I'm a bit worried
0:14:13 > 0:14:16about all these international versions of DNN.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Reassured as I am that your brain has the ability
0:14:19 > 0:14:21to perform basic functions like worrying...
0:14:21 > 0:14:24And remembering! I do good remembering.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26- Excellent.- Oh, and em...
0:14:26 > 0:14:27Remembering!
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Yes, anyway, how can I put your mind at rest?
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Yes, um, bit panicky about learning to speak all the other languages.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36No, Bob - you don't have to speak the languages, other people will.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40- SCREAMING - Get back! Get back!
0:14:40 > 0:14:42I won't need other people to voice my lines.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44I speak French, Italian, German, etcetera...
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Thanks, Felicity, but other people from other countries
0:14:48 > 0:14:49will re-voice your parts.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Voices replaced by a stranger! Argh!
0:14:52 > 0:14:57STEVE: And back on in funf, vier, drei, zwei...
0:14:57 > 0:14:59No-one likes a show-off, Steve!
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Welcome back to DNN. I knew you wouldn't go anywhere!
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Time now to batten down the hatches,
0:15:06 > 0:15:09as we go over to our very own whirling weathergirl,
0:15:09 > 0:15:11the irrepressible Davina Wave.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14And not forgetting, of course, my very favourite map.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17So...how many other maps do you know?
0:15:17 > 0:15:18None.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Ah - so that means Map is also your least favourite map.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24Yes, technically. But Mappy's certainly the prettiest map I know.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- And the ugliest. - And the cleverest.- And the stupidest.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Oh, no! You're right! Mappy, you boring, stupid, ugly map!
0:15:31 > 0:15:33I love you, despite all your flaws!
0:15:33 > 0:15:35What have you got for us, Davina?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Today, Flicky, I'll be setting the record for...
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Sounds like another great record, Davina!
0:15:46 > 0:15:49So, in three...two...one...
0:15:49 > 0:15:50go!
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Let's start in barmy Bristol,
0:15:55 > 0:15:58where it's going to up to 100 degrees centigrade.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00That is if you dropped your thermometer in a kettle.
0:16:00 > 0:16:05Over in that London, it's going to be canny windy,
0:16:05 > 0:16:08so if your on your London Eye,
0:16:08 > 0:16:11watch that it doesn't spin around too fast for your...
0:16:14 > 0:16:16You might get lucky, you never know -
0:16:16 > 0:16:18it might land somewhere amazing like...
0:16:18 > 0:16:19I don't know...let us think....
0:16:25 > 0:16:26# There's going to be a heat wave
0:16:26 > 0:16:28# We're going to be totally bone-dry
0:16:28 > 0:16:30# The sun is oot in the Toon
0:16:30 > 0:16:32# It's gonna be a heat wave. #
0:16:32 > 0:16:33Woo!
0:16:33 > 0:16:36There'll a drought in the Tyne and the Wear.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Always use water sparingly. Howay!
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Well, Davina, that was really something.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44- Brilliant! How did I do? - You caught 19 balloons.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48Howay the lads! Another glorious Geordie victory!
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Bringing it home for Newcastle.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53- Howay! - Davina Wave, there.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55And Mappy, the greenest map I know.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01There's a smell of excitement in the air...
0:17:01 > 0:17:05Ah - that's the spicy sausage panini again.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Ugh...so, let's waft on over to the sports locker
0:17:08 > 0:17:10to get the latest from Gary Ogden.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Thank you, Felicity.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15And Bob - he who denied it supplied it.
0:17:15 > 0:17:16I didn't deny it.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19In that case, he who declared it...aired it.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24Yes, I am Gary Ogden and here are your sports headlines.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Steven Gerrard's pet horse shrinks in the wash.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32The Pirate Olympics get off to a disappointing start.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39And the England table tennis team admits to having too much free time.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49But there's no prizes for guessing what my top story is this week...
0:17:49 > 0:17:53Oh, well, obviously, Gary. It's been great so far, hasn't it?
0:17:53 > 0:17:56The crowds, the excitement, the colour...
0:17:56 > 0:17:58That's right, Bob - everybody's going mad for the wrestling.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01- Uh?- Yeeees, wrestling!
0:18:01 > 0:18:03The ancient art of extra large athletes with huge hair
0:18:03 > 0:18:06performing belly flops without a pool.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08But what does it take to become the king of the ring?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Well, to find out, I sent a man
0:18:10 > 0:18:13who knows his Undertakers from his undercrackers -
0:18:13 > 0:18:15over to you, Gary...
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Thanks, Gary.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19I'm stood by this enormous square-shaped ring
0:18:19 > 0:18:21with an enormous square-shaped man.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25But not just any man - this is the USA's hottest new wrestler,
0:18:25 > 0:18:31- Chad Boom.- Yeah! Boom in the room! Hey! Who is this guy, huh?
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Who is this guy?! Ha-ha! Wrestle banter.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Ah, those are big guns - Boom is right.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39So, Chad, I want to take you on.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42OK, big guy. You wrestled before?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Yes, plenty of times, but not with a person,
0:18:44 > 0:18:45with a poodle.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49- Yargh!- First, you need a wrestling name and an outfit.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Way ahead of you, amigo.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54They call me...
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Manly Gary.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00OK, time for some trash talk!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Oh, I love trash talk. OK. Let's give this a go.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Don't you just hate it when you put the rubbish out,
0:19:07 > 0:19:09but you've missed the collection so you chase after the truck?
0:19:09 > 0:19:11No, this kind of trash talk!
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Hey, buddy, you think you can beat me in the ring today, little punk?
0:19:14 > 0:19:17You're nothing but a little shrimp in a leotard.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18Boom in the room!
0:19:19 > 0:19:21That's terrifying.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24That's the whole idea. You got to get under your opponent's skin!
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- Now you try it.- OK.
0:19:27 > 0:19:33You are a rubbish wrestler and your outfit doesn't match your eyes...
0:19:33 > 0:19:36You know what? Let's just fight.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39I'm going to get you!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42There's a takedown coming!
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Ah-ha-ha-ha...
0:19:44 > 0:19:47As soon as I can turn...
0:19:47 > 0:19:48Do you like that, do you?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Boom!
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Do you give up?
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- How about now? - You're wasting my time, punk!
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Yes! Victory!
0:19:59 > 0:20:03This is wrestling champion Manly Gary for DNN!
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Back to you, regular Gary.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Oh, dear.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Thank you, Manly Gary.
0:20:09 > 0:20:10And that's the day's sport.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13So, Gary, talking about things which are popular overseas,
0:20:13 > 0:20:17have you heard that DNN has been sold internationally?
0:20:17 > 0:20:21Does that mean I need more jabs? I'm still reeling from my BCG.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22No, Gary, we're staying put.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Basically, all our voices are dubbed into foreign languages.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28I think we have a clip of you from the Italian version.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32WOMAN SPEAKS ITALIAN
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Such a...romantic language.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40They've made me into womanly Gary.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42- Garyella. - I wouldn't worry about that, Gary.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Wait till you see what they've done to you in Belgium.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46What?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49SCOOBYDOO-STYLE VOICEOVER
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Well, that takes the biscuit.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56- Ooh - do you want a biscuit?- Yes! - Does Gary want a biscuit?- Yes!
0:20:56 > 0:20:59- Is he a good boy?- Yes! - Go get the biscuit...
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Go get the biscuit...
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Oh, you're such a good boy.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04See you next time, Gary.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06And stay off the couch!
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Now it's back to Phil Tyme and his battle against art frauds.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15I bought some lovely art last week.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18It's a white ceramic sculpture, with a water feature in the centre,
0:21:18 > 0:21:20and it makes a flushing noise.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21That's would be a toilet.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Ha-ha-ha...oh, no...
0:21:24 > 0:21:26I think you might be right.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27Phil, what's happening?
0:21:27 > 0:21:31Well, Felicity, Tessa's over there with Terry...
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Right, that's just a bit weird.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36The art forger is somewhere in the building,
0:21:36 > 0:21:40I'm pretending to be a statue, so I can jump out on him.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43- It's not very convincing, Phil. - Oh, sh! He's coming!
0:21:44 > 0:21:47OK. They look great!
0:21:47 > 0:21:48There she is - magnificent!
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Ooh! I don't recognise this piece of art...
0:21:52 > 0:21:53THEY SCREAM
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Phil Tyme, the people's champion from DNN.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59- I've caught you red-handed...- No! - What?- Phil, that's not him.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03Look! You made me splash paint on the Mona Lisa!
0:22:03 > 0:22:04Oopsie-daisy.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Well, at least it's only a fake, ain't it, Tessa?
0:22:06 > 0:22:08I think that's the original, Phil.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Yes, it is! She's visiting galleries all around the world.
0:22:11 > 0:22:16She's in England for two days, and you have given her a moustache!
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Personally, I think she pulls it off.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Takes the edge off that weird smile.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- Ooh! You Philistine! - No...Philip Tyme.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28You have ruined the greatest work of art in the world
0:22:28 > 0:22:30and I am calling the police.
0:22:30 > 0:22:35You are the worst thing to happen to art since dot-to-dot!
0:22:35 > 0:22:36Am I?
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Oh, cheese and crackers!
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Terry, that's another thing we've mucked up.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Still, at least we've got each other.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Terry, would you like to go for coffee now?
0:22:46 > 0:22:48What?
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Terry, where you going?
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Send Henry Smart to bail me out and take 'em back.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55And send me over a skinny latte.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Phil Tyme there, learning that three is most definitely a crowd.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Bob, we should probably wrap it up for today.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Of course, Felicity.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06- FRENCH INTERPRETER: - Bien sur, Felicity.- What's that?
0:23:06 > 0:23:08- FRENCH INTERPRETER: - Qu'est-ce que c'est, que ca?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Felicity, the voices are back.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13No, Bob, your translator for the French version of DNN has arrived.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Oh. Hello...
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Ah. Bonjour.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20- So she copies everything I say in French?- Exactly.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21Incredible.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Erm...grapefruit!
0:23:23 > 0:23:25- Pamplemousse! - BOB LAUGHS
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Bakery!
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Boulangerie!
0:23:29 > 0:23:30The swimming pool!
0:23:30 > 0:23:32La piscine!
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Oh, no, no. I'm not having that on this programme.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Off you go. And wash your mouth out.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Anyway, thanks for tuning in.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42I've been the multilingual Felicity Bond.
0:23:42 > 0:23:43- Say goodbye, Bob.- Goodbye, Bob!
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- Au revoir, Bob.- Soap and water!
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Ooh, the nerve!
0:23:48 > 0:23:50So what's your favourite language, Felicity?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52- French, I think. How about you? - Australian.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- Australian?- Yep. Can't understand a word of it,
0:23:55 > 0:23:57but, boy, does it sound exotic.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Australians speak English, Bob.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Yes, Flicky, but when in Rome...
0:24:02 > 0:24:06if I can just get DNN Antarctica to agree to a presenter swap...