0:00:02 > 0:00:04- Kelly?- Hi, Henster! - Don't call me that.
0:00:04 > 0:00:05Jahmene?
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Yes, very good.
0:00:07 > 0:00:08Felicity?
0:00:08 > 0:00:12Henry, may I just say that taking a register is a bit demeaning?
0:00:12 > 0:00:15- We're not in school any more... - The big boys were chasing me!
0:00:15 > 0:00:17I stand corrected.
0:00:17 > 0:00:18Has anyone seen Nellie?
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Yes. Lego hair, doesn't cast a shadow.
0:00:21 > 0:00:22BELL TOLLS
0:00:22 > 0:00:24I'm always here early.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27It's easy to avoid the traffic when you travel like a bat.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Well, Gary's late. I guess we'd better...
0:00:31 > 0:00:33- I CAN see you, Gary.- Oh. Right.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Can you see me now?
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Hello, and welcome to DNN.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48I'm the delightful Felicity Bond.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51I'm Bob Roberts - this is my dangerous face...
0:00:53 > 0:00:54And these are the headlines.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57The judges on The Voice get a big surprise when they turn around.
0:00:57 > 0:01:03- WHITNEY HOUSTON:- # And I-I-I... #
0:01:03 > 0:01:06A record is set for the shortest ever balloon race.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:11 > 0:01:13POP-POP-POP-POP-POP!
0:01:15 > 0:01:19And Doctor Who releases a new range of dog kennels.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23One, two,
0:01:23 > 0:01:26three, four, five...!
0:01:26 > 0:01:30But first, today the Chancellor of the Exchequer announced...
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I'm going to be on Strictly Come Dancing!
0:01:32 > 0:01:34I'm pretty sure he didn't announce that.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37No - I hear the producers of Strictly
0:01:37 > 0:01:41might want someone from DNN to be a contestant. Ahem!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44And you think they'd choose you? You've got two left feet.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47That is a medical condition. And I am a brave little soldier.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Anyway, I've got hooves like Jagger.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53# This is how we do it... #
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Bob - you're on air.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00Yes - I am quite light on my feet, Henry. Thanks.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04There is to be no, I repeat, no unauthorised dancing.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05HE NEIGHS
0:02:05 > 0:02:09This is a news show, not some frivolous lightweight entertainment.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11This is just like that film where they banned dancing.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- Footloose. - No, I had it tightened earlier.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Now for our special report, let's cross to the only person
0:02:23 > 0:02:26colder than Elsa from Frozen - it's Nellie Osmond.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Thank you, Felicity. Today, I've finally got an investigation
0:02:29 > 0:02:32worthy of my talents as a serious journalist.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Questions have recently been raised
0:02:34 > 0:02:36about the European Union Agricultural Policy...
0:02:36 > 0:02:39I'm sorry, Nellie, we're going to have to come back to you later,
0:02:39 > 0:02:43I'm hearing that we have to floss chives in springtime.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46He means, "cross live to Phil Tyme."
0:02:46 > 0:02:48- Oh.- You need to get your earwax syringed.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- Yes, not till I've finished growing that candle.- Hmph -
0:02:51 > 0:02:53fine, but only because I'm a professional.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Phil, what are you up to?
0:02:55 > 0:03:00Hello, Felicity. Well, as the great Mahatma Gandhi once said,
0:03:00 > 0:03:03"Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours."
0:03:03 > 0:03:05OK, that's not... Actually, never mind.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08But what if you have a proper dodgy set of neighbours?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10A bunch who never recycle,
0:03:10 > 0:03:13and always use your outside loo without asking?
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Well, then, you might just be Geoff,
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- the man I'm championing this week. Say hi, Geoff.- Geoff!
0:03:19 > 0:03:21You all right, mate? You seem a little bit out of it.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23I'm sorry, I haven't slept all year, Phil.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26My neighbours keep playing really loud music, and
0:03:26 > 0:03:28frankly I'd be happy if I never saw them again.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31I'm so tired I can't even finish my train of... Geoff.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I know exactly what you mean, mate. I keep getting woken up
0:03:34 > 0:03:40by SOMEONE coming back from dates with his new girlfriend Tessa.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Yes - you, Terry.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Strolling in at 7:30, smelling of orange juice
0:03:45 > 0:03:48and that spray they put in your shoes when you go bowling.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50- What are you doing, Geoff? - I'm ringing my dad.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Give over, Geoff. That's a slipper.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Is it? I'm so tired.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Oh, dearie me. So anyway, viewers, join us later in the show
0:03:59 > 0:04:02when Terry and me, we're going to be helping Geoff here
0:04:02 > 0:04:05with these rowdy residents. Live!
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- Geoff. - Blimey. We'll see you in a bit.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09BOB LAUGHS
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Oh. You'll like this.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I had a neighbour once.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15No, that's it.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Let's go over now to the reporter hipper than the Hip Hip Hooray
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Hippopotamus hip-replacement factory, it's Jahmene Mann.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- What's your report about today, Jahmene?- Well, Felicity,
0:04:25 > 0:04:28today my report is all about throwing some shapes.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32How good is Joe or Jane Public at busting a move?
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Let's meet the street.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Today, I have a fever. Dance fever!
0:04:38 > 0:04:42And my doctor has prescribed me a healthy dose of funk.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45That's right - I'm looking for Britain's best dance moves.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47So come on - dance like no-one's watching.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Except, instead of no-one, it's everyone at home.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54MUSIC: "Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO feat. Lauren Bennett and GoonRock
0:05:17 > 0:05:21So, people of Britain, you lot have proven beyond any doubt
0:05:21 > 0:05:24that you have the get up and go to get down and boogie.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26But if there's one thing that I've learnt today,
0:05:26 > 0:05:28it's that if you're going to dance with someone,
0:05:28 > 0:05:30it's definitely more fun to lead.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- Hey, mate, do you want to show us your best dance moves?- Hah!
0:05:33 > 0:05:35You could not HANDLE my dance moves.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39- I think I could.- Very well...
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- La Danza de la Muerte. The dance of death.- The dance of what?
0:05:42 > 0:05:46It has been banned in all the South American countries.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Except Paraguay.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Whoaaaa! I was not expecting that.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55And now, we stick a rose in between your teeth, and...
0:05:55 > 0:05:58- Oh, no...- Andale!
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Man down... Put this man down!
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Thanks, Jahmene.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Not sure you'll be getting a call from Strictly after that...
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Hey! Check it out, Jahmene. I've got a brand-new move.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10It's a cross between a twerk and a hop.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- A twerp.- Yes! Good name, Felicity.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17Hey, Jahmene - get that er...trending.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Bob Roberts - twerp.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Oh - that's the first autofill when I type your name anyway.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24The power of the internet, Flicky.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Let's cross now to the only sports reporter
0:06:31 > 0:06:34who thinks Stamford Bridge is a character in Downton Abbey -
0:06:34 > 0:06:37it's Gary Ogden. Wow!
0:06:37 > 0:06:38Thanks, Not-Bob.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41I'm Gary Ogden, this is my mum's blouse,
0:06:41 > 0:06:43this is the lovely Janice...
0:06:43 > 0:06:46and these are today's sports headlines.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48The underwater hide and seek champion
0:06:48 > 0:06:50gets tired of waiting to be found.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Hey...! Hey...!
0:06:54 > 0:06:57The trainer who taught Liverpool's Daniel Sturridge
0:06:57 > 0:06:59how to celebrate is revealed.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01# Ohhhh, twisting
0:07:01 > 0:07:06# Shake it shake it shake it shake it, baby... #
0:07:06 > 0:07:09And there's bad sportsmanship from the third-place runner-up
0:07:09 > 0:07:11at the world fishing championships.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Oh...!
0:07:16 > 0:07:20Now, recently I reported on the quirky sport of bed-racing,
0:07:20 > 0:07:22and it went down so well
0:07:22 > 0:07:25that I was urged to cover more furniture-based sports.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28So - soon I'll be finding out about chair-swimming, sideboarding
0:07:28 > 0:07:32and cabinet-ball... but today - table tennis.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Over to you, Gary.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35Thanks, Gary.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39And joining me is professional ping-ponger Tina Topspin.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Tina, what first attracted you to this thrilling sport?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Well, Gary, I find it really helps you focus,
0:07:44 > 0:07:45and I find it very relaxing.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Ah, yes, yes, me too. Nothing gets me off to sleep
0:07:48 > 0:07:49better than the old ping-pong.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52It's table tennis, Gary, not ping-pong or wiff-waff.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53Oh. Has someone let a dog in here?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55No - wiff-waff and ping-pong
0:07:55 > 0:07:58are words that some people use for table tennis, Gary.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Just like erm...soccer is another name for rugby.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03So, let's play a game of wiff-waff.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05WIMBLEDON THEME
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Right, so, where's the court?
0:08:07 > 0:08:11- No, we don't play on a court, Gary, we play on a table.- Oh, a table?
0:08:11 > 0:08:15- Oh, I see, yes, that's why we call it ping-pong.- No, it's table tennis.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19Exactly because we play on a ping. Right, remind me where you go.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23- Get off there. You'll break it. - Ah, no, a break is in snooker, Tina.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- Are you sure you've actually played this before?- Get off.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28I thought you said this relaxed you.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Someone's a fibber.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33So, where are the handles and the little rows of men?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35No, that's table football, Gary. This is ping-pong.
0:08:35 > 0:08:40- I mean, table tennis. - Oh, my gosh. Are those the racquets?
0:08:40 > 0:08:44- Well, no, they're bats. - They're ickle.- They're not ickle.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48- Well, they're smaller than mine. - Right. Ditch that, pick up a bat.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51OK, Mrs Wiff-waff, hit me with your best shot.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54THEME FROM ROCKY
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Howzat?
0:09:00 > 0:09:01You missed.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- 15-0.- What are you doing?
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Match point. I've already got the hang of ping-pong.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10It's table tennis. Grr.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15All right, OK, Mrs Wiff-waff. Well, that is woof-pong.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18It's not relaxing at all. Back to you, Gary.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Gah!
0:09:20 > 0:09:21Thanks, Gary.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24And that's nearly all we've got time for from the Sports Locker.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Apart from this, the Rumba.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34- Gary, stop that.- Oh, come on, Henry, let us compete. We'll clean up.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Gary, someone wants to cut in.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Oh, why yes, Lucy, you may have this stance.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Sorry, Janice, but I've found a real woman.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Oh, this is my sixth form leavers' dance all over again.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Well, I will do know what I did then.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52IRISH JIG
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Well, no, that isn't how you hold table tennis bats, but, yes,
0:10:03 > 0:10:04I am number one.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14So, let's return now to our Special Reporter, Nellie Osmond.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Thank you, Felicity. Yes, everyone is talking about
0:10:17 > 0:10:20the recent amendments to EU Agricultural policy.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24But what will this mean to... Who's changed my headline?
0:10:24 > 0:10:25That is just childish.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28I'm sorry, Nellie, we have to stop you there anyway
0:10:28 > 0:10:31because we've got an exclusive interview with
0:10:31 > 0:10:36the word's greatest, possibly only, mime escape artist,
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Ivana Breakfree.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41You're interviewing a mime artist? She can't even speak.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42This is preposterous.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Yada-yada. So, Ivana... Hang on a second, I've forgotten my pen.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49# Ta-ta-ta, do-do-do... #
0:10:49 > 0:10:51What do I need a pen for? I don't.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54# Ba-ba-ba, tara-tara. #
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Bob. Are you dancing?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Why, Henry? Are you asking?
0:10:58 > 0:11:02Hang on. Henry, is that guy behind you wearing non-regulation socks?
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Really? Where?
0:11:05 > 0:11:08SWAN LAKE THEME
0:11:23 > 0:11:24My mistake.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27So, today, Ivana will be performing her world famous,
0:11:27 > 0:11:31imaginary handcuff underwater escape, with sharks.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35(I just added the sharks.) Ivana, take it away.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37She will be shackled in handcuffs.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41I can confirm they are secure. Oh, yes.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Now she's going to plunge into the glass tank full of water.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Oh! Splashy.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50The top of the tank is padlocked... Go!
0:11:50 > 0:11:54- She's got to do all of this before she runs out of Oxo cube.- Oxygen.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Yeah. That. The handcuffs are off. Watch out for the shark!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- It's got a machine gun!- What?
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Only the padlock on the lid to undo now... Oh!
0:12:02 > 0:12:04There seems to be a problem.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07She can't! She's trapped!
0:12:07 > 0:12:10We need to break the glass. Felicity, sing something.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Oh, for goodness' sake. There's no water, no tank, no padlock,
0:12:13 > 0:12:16no handcuffs, no shark, and no machine gun.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18None of it is real.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Felicity! You didn't cry at the first ten minutes of Up.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25We have to go to a break now. We'll be back after these messages.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30- And we're on a break.- Can someone find a bath for this shark?
0:12:30 > 0:12:31Bob, Felicity, a word.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33BOTH: Simultaneous.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Bob, you are not allowed to book interview guests ever again.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39And will everybody please stop dancing?
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Why on earth would anyone choose you two to be on their show?
0:12:42 > 0:12:44There's a long tradition of newsreaders taking part
0:12:44 > 0:12:48in Strictly, Henry. Susanna Reid, Bill Turnbull, Harry Judd.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Harry Judd is not a newsreader, Bob.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53You clearly haven't you seen the McFly-o-clock News.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Henry, when will I get to do my report? I'd better not
0:12:55 > 0:12:59get bumped from the show. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02I wouldn't worry about that, Nellie. I'm not too keen on you now.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04And, remember, no more dancing.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07It's not a real shark.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09And back on in five, six...
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Five, six seven, eight.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17Welcome back. Still to come in the show, Kelly Fornia meets Turbo.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Don't forget Mappy. And the pink woman.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23And Nellie Osmond's thrilling report on recent changes
0:13:23 > 0:13:27to the EU Agricultural policy. But, first, what is that?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29This is my ant farm, Felicity.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33Oh! Oh! Oh, dear. Oh, no, I've spilt ants all over myself.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36I'll just have to try and shake them off
0:13:36 > 0:13:39in a rhythmic and Saturday primetime TV way,
0:13:39 > 0:13:43which is definitely not dancing, ow.
0:13:43 > 0:13:48Oh! Ow! They've got actually got jaws. Ow. Oh! Oh! Get them off.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Get them off. Oh. This seemed a good idea at the time. Ow.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59For showbiz news, let's go over to the woman who is more happy
0:13:59 > 0:14:02than Pharrell on a waltzer, it's Kelly Fornia.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05- Hi, Flickster. - They're nesting!- Hey, Bobster.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09I've had the most amaze week.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Someone stole my identity.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14- You seem pretty happy about that, Kelly.- I am.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Someone is such an uberfan, they're pretending to be me.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20I mean, yeah, they also got access to my bank account and have
0:14:20 > 0:14:23framed me for loads of crimes, and they'll almost definitely go
0:14:23 > 0:14:27to prison, or I will, but how cool is that? Someone wants to be me?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- Kelly.- Yepster? - Entertainment headlines?
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Sure thing. First up, werewolf hands on Emmerdale.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38I'll make it up to him, I promise.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39On Young Dracula,
0:14:39 > 0:14:42one of Vlad's enemies struggles with a very mild korma.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52And on Dani's House,
0:14:52 > 0:14:55we finally find a suitable dance partner for Gary Ogden.
0:14:55 > 0:15:00Why am I wearing a pink tutu?
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Now, it is glittery-amaze-balls that the Strictly producers
0:15:03 > 0:15:06are watching because guess what my report today is all about?
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- Cat-whittling?- That is not a thing.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Nope, dancing.
0:15:11 > 0:15:12Run...
0:15:14 > 0:15:15..VT.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Hey, besties. How good is dancing?
0:15:19 > 0:15:22It's like walking but even better because it's got added tunes.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27I'm here to meet a style choreographer who is going
0:15:27 > 0:15:30to help me to make up a brand-new dance. A brance.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31New word alert.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34- It's only Turbo!- What's up, Kelly?
0:15:34 > 0:15:38Turbo, you are my favourite dance judge ever.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Alongside judge Alesha, judge Bruno, judge Darcey, and Judge Judy.
0:15:41 > 0:15:42Wait, wrong type of judge.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45But I still totally respect your opinion. Your honour.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49OK, first, what's your favourite type of dance?
0:15:49 > 0:15:51- Oh, definitely street dance. - OK, we can...
0:15:51 > 0:15:55Alongside disco, and jazz, and mambo,
0:15:55 > 0:15:58and conga, and tango, and samba, and Simba...
0:15:58 > 0:16:01No, he's a lion, right? Shouldn't we get started?
0:16:01 > 0:16:06FUNKY SAXOPHONE DANCE MUSIC
0:16:21 > 0:16:24OK, guys. Turbo has made me my very own dance moves
0:16:24 > 0:16:29- all based on my personality, right? - Right.- Exclusive-abulous.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32OK, excited rabbit.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Excited monkey.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Excited child.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Excited wardrobe.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40And excited rainbow.
0:16:40 > 0:16:45And, Oh...my...wow!
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Thanks, Turbo. You're my bestie forever.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Kelly Fornia here, guys,
0:16:49 > 0:16:51throwing the best news shapes since the triangle.
0:16:51 > 0:16:52Amaze-brance!
0:16:55 > 0:17:00So, that's all the entertainment news from me...Kelly Fornia.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04Well, this is a turn up for the books. She's learned to stop talking.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06That's not Kelly Fornia, Bob.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10Oh, my-evil-twin-wow. It's my imposter!
0:17:10 > 0:17:13There's two of them. Wait. How do we know which is the imposter?
0:17:13 > 0:17:15It's the one with the beard.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17We'll have to ask a question to which only the real
0:17:17 > 0:17:20- Kelly Fornia would know the answer. - It's the one with the beard, Bob.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24- What number am I thinking of? - Oh, for goodness' sake.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Oh-my-wow. Thanks, Nellie, that's really...
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Enough of this blether. It must be time for my special report now.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Sorry, Nellie. Davina needs you outside to help
0:17:32 > 0:17:35with her weather report. And take the real Kelly,
0:17:35 > 0:17:37whichever one she is, with you.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39I'm trying to do a job of work here.
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Well, can you go and do it there?
0:17:40 > 0:17:42SHE SIGHS
0:17:47 > 0:17:50And now to our terrified travel reporter, Beatrice Rhodes.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Flicky, ssh. Get down.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Hello? Are you there?
0:17:54 > 0:17:55- Boo!- Agh!
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Ha-ha! Where are you today, Bea?
0:17:58 > 0:18:02Well, I'm at the port, and I'm not fine.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Because only two minutes ago, I saw with my own eyes a car eating boat.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10- What?- It came right up to the shore, opened its mouth,
0:18:10 > 0:18:12and then dozens of cars drove straight in.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16It just gobbled them up! Why would they do that, Bob?
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Why would they give up their lives so easily?
0:18:19 > 0:18:22I don't know, Bea. It's such a tragic waste.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24It's called a car ferry, you two.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27In a few minutes, the cars come out the other end.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28Seriously?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30It eats them and then they come out the other end?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32That's terrifying.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34It's disgusting, is what it is.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Is there any traffic news at all, Bea?
0:18:36 > 0:18:39There are roadworks on the A1010101,
0:18:39 > 0:18:40and the A...
0:18:40 > 0:18:43- FERRY HORN - Agh! The Vikings!
0:18:44 > 0:18:46I think I'm going to be si...
0:18:46 > 0:18:47SHE VOMITS
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Oh, dear. Bea, are you all right?
0:18:52 > 0:18:57An update. There's been a spillage causing delays on the...
0:18:57 > 0:18:59on that road over there.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Bea Rhodes, everyone.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Keeping us up-to-date on what she had for lunch.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Now, look to the skies. Is it a bird?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Is it a plane? No, it's...
0:19:13 > 0:19:15- The weather.- Yes, it is.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18So, let's go over to Davina Wave and Map.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21- Hello, Mappy!- Hello, Bob and Flicky!
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Mappy. I've drawn us a picture.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26That's you, that's me, and we're doing the maparena.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28OK.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30So, Davina, what record are you going to set today?
0:19:30 > 0:19:34Well, today, Flicky, I'm setting the record for...
0:19:34 > 0:19:39most TV News Reporters Jumped Over During A 45 Second Weather Report.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43All right, Davina, in three, two, one...
0:19:43 > 0:19:47Here we go! Starting in Sheffield...
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Home to my close personal friend,
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Jessica Ennis-Hill. It's Ennis-Hill.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53It's going to be so freezing,
0:19:53 > 0:19:56that your Yorkshire Terriers will be even yappier than usual.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Proper unlucky, that, like.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Ha! Someone's just met the street.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02In that London...
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Boing!
0:20:04 > 0:20:07..it'll be windier than a windsock in a windmill with
0:20:07 > 0:20:11a bad case of wind watching Sam and Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13- BOING - Well, this isn't demeaning at all.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16And finally the weather in... NEWCASTLE!
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Switch!
0:20:18 > 0:20:20The sun'll be shining.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Boing! People will be as happy as...
0:20:22 > 0:20:23Boing!
0:20:23 > 0:20:27..the chip van man on Bigg Market during match day.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29- Haway!- Time's up.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31How did I do?
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Well done, Davina, you leaped over seven news reporters.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35Wahoo!
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Victory dance break.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40For goodness' sake.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- Davina Wave and the DNN news team there.- And Mappy.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Now it's back to Phil Tyme to see if he can fix the neighbour nuisance.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51I'm guessing no.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55Ugh, can you imagine being next door to someone so annoying?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Yes. Phil, go.
0:20:57 > 0:21:02You join me as I'm about to confront Jeff's noisy neighbours.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Stay on your toes, Terry, just in case it turns nasty.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07DOORBELL RINGS
0:21:07 > 0:21:09- Oh, hello.- Zip it, you.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11I am Phil Tyme, the People's Champion,
0:21:11 > 0:21:14- and I'm here to tell you that you're horrible people.- I'm sorry?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16So you should be. You're rude,
0:21:16 > 0:21:18you're loud, and your neighbour, Jeff, says he hopes
0:21:18 > 0:21:20he never sees you again for as long as he lives.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23So, do the decent thing for once in your life and move out.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26- Jeff said that?- Yes, he did. He wants you on. Gone!
0:21:26 > 0:21:30- Gone, gone, gone!- Stop it, you're being really rude. Jeff!
0:21:30 > 0:21:32I've literally nowhere else to be. Gone, gone, gone.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34All right, all right, well,
0:21:34 > 0:21:38if he wants us to leave, then we'll leave. Please, leave us alone.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Wahey! Nice one, Terry.
0:21:40 > 0:21:45Hey, if you want something sorting, call in the Tyme-inator! Jeff!
0:21:45 > 0:21:48I think you won't be having any more problems from them neighbours, pal.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Really? You spoke to the people at number 178?
0:21:54 > 0:21:56178? Well, who lives here?
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Steve and Gertrude, my best friends in the world.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01If it wasn't for them, I'd totally lose the plot.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Oh, cheese and crackers, Jeff.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09- Why, Phil? Why?- Goodbye, Jeff. No!
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- Steve, Gertrude! Wait! - No need to thank me.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15LOUD THUMPING MUSIC
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Will you keep it down in there? Some of us are trying to work.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Oh, blimey. Take them back, Terry.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23And you'd better not tell this story on your next date.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26I will not be the subject of flirty banter.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Right, enough of that ninny.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33It's time for my special report into the EU agricultural policy.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36- Nellie, I am so sorry... - She's not going to take this well.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Henry is telling me that's all we have time for on the show.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41But I finally have a story worthy of a serious,
0:22:41 > 0:22:43professional journalist, ie, me.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46I've never seen her like this. I think she may lose control.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50- I'm so sorry, Nellie, we need to go...- This is not acceptable.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54- SHOUTS:- I AM A PROFESSIONAL... AAARRGGH!
0:22:55 > 0:22:57AAARRGGH!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Who left those bins there?
0:23:01 > 0:23:04AAARRGGH!
0:23:06 > 0:23:07- AAARRGGH!- Back!
0:23:09 > 0:23:11AAARRGGH!
0:23:13 > 0:23:15AAARRGGH!
0:23:17 > 0:23:18Nellie?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20- PHONE RINGS - What?
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Hello?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24It's the Strictly producers.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28Well, yes, I'd love to... Oh...
0:23:29 > 0:23:34Telly, it's the Nellie-phone for you. No. Scratch that - the reverse.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Yes?
0:23:35 > 0:23:38You want ME to be on Strictly Come Dancing?
0:23:39 > 0:23:42No. Seriously, I'm trying to do a job of work here.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Say goodbye, Bob.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Goodbye, Bob.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- May I have this dance? - Come on, team.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54BOTH: Keep...dancing!
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Oh, Flicky, you're crushing my garlic.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Well, you know what they say -
0:24:01 > 0:24:04if you can't beat them, go home.