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0:00:00 > 0:00:02- Subtitles- - Subtitles
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0:00:14 > 0:00:16- Subtitles
0:00:21 > 0:00:23- Subtitles
0:00:26 > 0:00:31- Owsa, Owsa, wowsa, - and a good morning to you all.
0:00:31 > 0:00:35- It's the societies - and careers' fair today...
0:00:35 > 0:00:40- ..for those of you who won't go on - to become multimedia superstars.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42- Ahem!
0:00:43 > 0:00:47- The fair starts at 10.00am and - Miss Dearth is here to tell us more.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50- Shoot, Miss D.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54- Everybody is welcome - to visit the careers' fair.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56- For those of you don't attend...
0:00:57 > 0:01:00- ..you're welcome - to stay behind after school...
0:01:00 > 0:01:02- ..every day for a week.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04- Thank you, Miss Dearth.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07- You'd be silly to miss it.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19- Right, Mr Roberts.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- We've already received complaints.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28- I made a point of not having beans - for breakfast today.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32- The institutions - aren't happy to share the hall...
0:01:32 > 0:01:35- ..with the alternative societies.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- That lad with the pig mask - looked very alternative.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43- Raymond Hughes - from the Pig Petting Society.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- He's trying - to get people to adopt a pig.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48- What about the smell?
0:01:48 > 0:01:51- If the pigs aren't complaining, - who am I to intervene?
0:01:52 > 0:01:53- We don't want him in the hall.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55- We don't want him in the hall.- - Who else will be sent here?
0:01:55 > 0:01:59- Power To Pensioners, a society - for body-building grandmothers.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04- I'm sure 20-inch biceps - come in handy for playing bingo.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09- Miss Dearth, someone - was looking for you in the hall.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11- Camouflage clothes and a haversack.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16- Must be Emlyn Francis, - one of these back-to-nature guys.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- He's a survivalist, - like that Ray Mears.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- He thinks - we should all live off the land.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- Eating snails and badgers.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- And never using a toothbrush.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- Is he related to Deiniol?
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- There'll be a few more stalls - down here too.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39- With a bit of luck, it won't - detract from the proper fair.
0:02:39 > 0:02:44- Excellent. It's a good idea keeping - the wild and wacky things here.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48- Precisely, and you're just the man - to keep them in line.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- Excellent. What?
0:02:51 > 0:02:55- Yes, you'll make sure - that it all goes smoothly here.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59- If it doesn't, then you - won't need a toothbrush either.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- Where's Siwgr?
0:03:10 > 0:03:14- I don't take sugar. - How are things going in the hall?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16- Same as every year.
0:03:16 > 0:03:21- The army wants you to shoot people, - doctors want you to cure them.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25- The only one worth a look-in - is the radio and TV stall.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29- Radio and TV? There's - a radio and television stall?
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- Yes, and a proper DJ too.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35- Another DJ, I mean.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- Do you want to go over - and take a look?
0:03:38 > 0:03:40- Why should I?
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- Do you remember Robert Evans, - who was in school two years ago?
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- He moved to Cardiff. - He's working as a DJ now.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- Robert Evans? Robert...?
0:03:53 > 0:03:55- You do know him.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00- # Round the clock with Bobi Roc #
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- He seems nice.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03- Nice?
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- He refused my help to carry - his decks for the school disco.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- He said - mean things about me on the mic.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13- Everybody laughed at me.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14- Everybody laughed at me.- - So?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- He'll see who's the DJ now.
0:04:18 > 0:04:23- Of course, he only broadcasts - on a national radio show...
0:04:23 > 0:04:25- ..not a school radio...
0:04:25 > 0:04:30- ..with a signal that doesn't - reach as far as the science lab.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33- He might help you - become a proper DJ.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37- Not that you aren't one now.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39- I'm not going to see him.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44- What would he think about DJ Owsa - leaving the mic to grovel?
0:04:44 > 0:04:48- No, if I'm going - to talk to Bobi Roc...
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- ..he can come here - and see the boss in HQ.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53- That's the least he can do.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57- What are you doing?
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- What are you doing?- - I've bought some stale sandwiches.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- I thought - we could sell them at the fair.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05- But they're green.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09- Lettuce is green - and people eat that. Fibre.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- Are maggots full of fibre too?
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- No, silly. Protein.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27- Pretty, aren't they? - They're Saddlebacks.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55- Recon over.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58- No bogies. Repeat, no bogies.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- Who's he?
0:06:01 > 0:06:04- The Back-to-the-Wild Society.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08- He tried to light a fire on the yard - by rubbing the heads...
0:06:09 > 0:06:11- ..of two Year 8 boys together.
0:06:13 > 0:06:14- Mr Roberts.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17- Easy, tiger.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- Clear. You can never be too careful.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28- Emlyn Francis. See these fingers?
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- Each one of them's a weapon.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- My hands are like - a Swiss army knife.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37- Lovely.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41- I'm sure your mother had trouble - finding gloves for you.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47- Deiniol...
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- ..find a table for him.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06- "To Emlyn, you're much better - at surviving than me, lad.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- "Kiss, kiss, Ray Mears."
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- I didn't know Ray Mears spoke Welsh.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- This table's wonky.
0:07:16 > 0:07:22- Help yourself to any table you want. - Each one's a table.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26- Apart from these that are desks.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30- Put that down...
0:07:31 > 0:07:35- ..or you'll be wearing - your backside as a balaclava.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41- You're welcome to my table...
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- ..but you'll have to - arm wrestle me for it.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48- No, it's fine. This table's ideal.
0:07:48 > 0:07:53- You can make one out of squirrels - and nettles, like Ray Mears does.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- Mr Roberts. Can I... help you?
0:08:01 > 0:08:06- You've a poor grip. It's like - gripping a bag full of air.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- I'm representing - Power To Pensioners.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- The others - have gone to buy steroids.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15- It's 50% off for pensioneers today.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- Which table do you want me to have?
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- Any one you want.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22- Any one at all.
0:08:24 > 0:08:25- Lovely.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- Do you know what's wrong with Owain?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- He looks like he's seen a ghost.
0:08:36 > 0:08:41- Worse than that. He looks like - someone who's about to see a ghost.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45- Do you know that DJ in the hall - called Bobi Roc?
0:08:45 > 0:08:48- He wants him - to come over and see him...
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- ..so that Owsa can show off.
0:08:50 > 0:08:55- He wants to get his revenge for - something that happened years ago.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- He sent me - to ask Bobi Roc to come over.
0:08:59 > 0:09:04- Why would a proper DJ want to see - Owain making a fool of himself?
0:09:04 > 0:09:09- Exactly, and now I've got to - tell him that Bobi would prefer...
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- ..to have his pants - burnt off with a blowtorch...
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- ..than come over to see - an amateur funk monkey rehearse.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- You're going to tell him that?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22- Geth!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25- Good luck.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31- Well? Is Bobi Roc - coming to the studio or what?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- He says...
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- He says he's too busy.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41- Typical. Robert Evans - really thinks he's somebody now.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45- He's probably having photos taken - and signing autographs.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46- Celebs are all the same.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- Celebs are all the same.- - No, he was playing Angry Birds.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- I don't think he wants to come over.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56- Do you want to buy one?
0:09:57 > 0:09:59- Are they mildew, Deins?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02- Only on the outside.
0:10:04 > 0:10:10- Don't stray too far from the toilet. - You'll be needing it quite soon.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12- Toilet.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- You're a genius, Ows. - The bog's the answer.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18- How much - are those sandwiches, Deins?
0:10:35 > 0:10:39- I'm seen more life - in a plateful of fish fingers.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41- Sort it out...
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- ..or you'll - be on detention for a month.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- A month on my own in a classroom?
0:10:48 > 0:10:51- This lot will be joining you. - Got it?
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- Excellent. - Who would you like to see first?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- Mrs Sykes has - some amusing talents she can share.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14- Different!
0:11:14 > 0:11:19- This line of tables looks like - that speed dating programme.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23- Speed dating. That's it, - that's what'll attract the pupils.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28- Five minutes to talk before - moving on to the next person.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31- And leaving alone.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36- How do you know - about speed dating, sir?
0:11:36 > 0:11:40- I read an article about it - in GG Monthly.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45- The next record is for someone...
0:11:46 > 0:11:51- ..whose first name begins with B - and surname begins with R...
0:11:51 > 0:11:55- ..and he makes everyone rock.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57- I'm ready for some rock. Are you?
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- Here's Crys with Barod Am Roc.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02- Bobi?
0:12:02 > 0:12:06- Oh, it's you. Well? What's - the score with that important DJ?
0:12:07 > 0:12:09- Did he eat the sandwich or what?
0:12:10 > 0:12:14- After Deins spread almost - an entire pot of pickle on it...
0:12:14 > 0:12:20- ..to hide the mildew, it didn't - look like a sandwich any more.
0:12:20 > 0:12:26- I won't say what it did look like - but it wasn't a sandwich.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28- What did he say?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30- Not much. His mouth was full.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32- Not much. His mouth was full.- - Thanks, Geth.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34- It's just a matter of time now.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- This is going to be - a memorable meeting.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42- Jason.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45- Lads.
0:13:07 > 0:13:13- They're cleverer than dogs - and more easy going than cats.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15- They're always there for you.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- They're always there for you.- - Uncle Brendan had one called Tripod.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22- He saved my cousin from a fire - by carrying him on its back.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- Uncle Brendan won't hear - a bad word said about Tripod.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28- He only had three legs.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- He only had three legs.- - Did he lose one in the fire?
0:13:30 > 0:13:34- No. Uncle Brendan thought - so much of him after the fire...
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- ..he thought it was ungrateful - to eat him all in one go.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41- Scratchings?
0:13:41 > 0:13:45- I stared in her eyes, - helped her hold the giblets...
0:13:45 > 0:13:50- ..ripped them out of the rat's mouth - and snapped its backbone.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55- That was the most romantic meal - I've ever had.
0:13:56 > 0:14:02- The thing is, - when you reach a certain age...
0:14:02 > 0:14:07- ..having someone to support you - and share things with you...
0:14:08 > 0:14:10- ..and do the little things...
0:14:11 > 0:14:15- ..like mix - your bulking supplements...
0:14:15 > 0:14:17- ..gets harder to find.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- How did you - lose your husband, Brenda?
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- In an awful accident.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27- Oh, sorry to hear that.
0:14:27 > 0:14:33- He mixed the bottle of fake tan - with the super-booster energy drink.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37- Ooh, sounds delicious.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40- And that's enough to kill you?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43- Yes...
0:14:44 > 0:14:46- ..when you do it to me.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53- Excuse me, mate, - where are the toilets?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- In there.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56- In there.- - Bobi Roc! Bobi Roc!
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- He's here, Ows!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03- He'll soon see - who's the mi-mi-mixmaster.
0:15:03 > 0:15:08- Listen, Ows, - let him come over in his own time.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13- He obviously has - other things on his mind.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- Yes, you're right. That'd be best.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25- Sorry, Geth, I can't pass up - an opportunity as good as this.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34- I can't tell you - how much of a pleasure it is...
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- ..to have someone - as famous as you...
0:15:37 > 0:15:40- ..coming here - especially to listen to me.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41- We've so much in common.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44- We've so much in common.- - I need the toilet. Please!
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- Me too. It's nerves, I think.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47- Please!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49- Please!- - A couple of records first.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51- Can I take off this sack?
0:15:51 > 0:15:56- Take off that sack and he'll - recognize us. We'll be in trouble.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- No, it's good for the acoustics.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02- It helps you concentrate.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09- I'm surprised you didn't - bring your own Dr Dre sack.
0:16:09 > 0:16:14- Right, the next track - is only 10-minutes long.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- I might just play it twice.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- Four.
0:16:22 > 0:16:23- Four.- - Four? Come on.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26- Five.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28- Come on! Oh, stay down there, lad.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33- Call yourself a soldier? You're not - fit enough to play Call of Duty.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- Come on, Ray, - there's nothing here for us.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- Back to the jungle?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- Yes, I want to put up a bivouac - and check the traps.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49- Mam and Fifi the poodle - will worry if I'm not home soon.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00- This isn't good enough.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02- The place is empty.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06- If you don't want to be - on yard duty for a month...
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- ..do something - to liven the place up.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- Alright. No problem at all.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- Have you seen Bobi Roc from the BBC?
0:17:17 > 0:17:19- No.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- Bobi? Oh, Bobi?
0:17:40 > 0:17:42- What are those?
0:17:42 > 0:17:46- That camouflage guy - left his shopping here.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50- There are no labels on the tins, - just odd writing.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53- A nice surprise in every tin.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57- You might think you're having beans - and then, surprise...
0:17:58 > 0:18:02- ..you have beans and sausages - or something instead.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- It will be a surprise...
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- ..if you call having to pick up - your head from next door a surprise.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10- What?
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- What?- - Have you looked at the writing?
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- "Nulbelkeret hand granat."
0:18:16 > 0:18:20- Deiniol, you've a bag - full of hand grenades.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24- You know, - those things that blow people up.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27- Beans do that to Dad too.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31- That idiot in the camouflage - has brought bombs to school.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33- What are we going to do?
0:18:33 > 0:18:34- What are we going to do?- - No, Deiniol...
0:18:35 > 0:18:37- ..what are you going to do?
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- Is he OK? - He hasn't moved for five minutes.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- He's enjoying the show - - His Master's Voice.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53- I don't think he's breathing.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55- I don't think he's breathing.- - Of course he is.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57- Isn't he?
0:18:57 > 0:19:01- You've gone too far - with this revenge lark.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21- It's all his fault. - I don't want to be a DJ.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- No need to panic - but I've left a bag here...
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- ..full of personal items.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- Blowing-people-up items?
0:19:40 > 0:19:43- Geth! Geth! Do something.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50- Help! Help! - I've been locked in the studio!
0:19:50 > 0:19:54- With two terrorists! - Please, someone help me!
0:19:54 > 0:19:56- Terrorists?
0:19:57 > 0:19:59- Geth, what are you doing?
0:20:00 > 0:20:01- Shut it, Bobi!
0:20:02 > 0:20:03- Sorry, but I'm going to have to!
0:20:03 > 0:20:05- Sorry, but I'm going to have to!- - Don't come near me with that!
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- No! No! Please!
0:20:08 > 0:20:13- What's happening? That's the voice - of Bobi Roc from the BBC.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16- Hostage situation. Classic case.
0:20:16 > 0:20:17- What should we do?
0:20:17 > 0:20:19- What should we do?- - Fly in low with the choppers...
0:20:20 > 0:20:23- ..bail out at 200 feet, - Bravo-Two-Zero.
0:20:23 > 0:20:28- Pop-pop, double tap. - DOA and Elvis has left the building.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30- Is he sane?
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- Everyone responds to stress - in different ways.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36- Someone has to go in there.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- I have to go, Mam's made lobscouse.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46- Stop, you baby!
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- Out of my way!
0:20:57 > 0:20:59- Here he is. Here he is.
0:20:59 > 0:21:04- I'll have to take him outside - for some fresh air. Kiss of life.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09- Help!
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- Help!- - That's what I call speed dating!
0:21:19 > 0:21:23- Bobi Roc from the BBC, are you OK?
0:21:23 > 0:21:26- You've been rescued.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29- You're too late.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32- You're just too late.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40- Excuse me?
0:21:42 > 0:21:44- I still have a problem.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54- No!!
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- Wise up. It's only dog food.
0:22:00 > 0:22:05- Ray Mears reckons you could live - for a fortnight on the protein.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06- What about the German writing?
0:22:06 > 0:22:08- What about the German writing?- - I wrote it.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- Mam doesn't understand German.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- If she knew I was helping myself - to Fifi's food...
0:22:16 > 0:22:20- ..I'd live in a tent - for the rest of my life.
0:22:20 > 0:22:25- But if it's a choice - between Fifi and me...
0:22:26 > 0:22:30- ..then Fifi goes without - her meaty chunks.
0:22:37 > 0:22:42- So, Gethin, you say that - the whole thing was an exhibition?
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- Yes, Miss. It was Owain's idea.
0:22:46 > 0:22:51- He would've told you himself but he - was too busy gargling soapy water.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54- That woman was wearing aftershave.
0:22:54 > 0:22:59- He thought it'd be a good idea to - give the gang a practical exercise.
0:22:59 > 0:23:04- The aim was to show the importance - of working together in society.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12- So he pretended to kidnap Bobi Roc.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- From the BBC?
0:23:15 > 0:23:19- Yes, and it gave everyone - a chance to work together.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- Like being back in the 'Stan.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24- It was very amusing.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- It was very amusing.- - No, it wasn't.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29- Where's Bobi Roc from the BBC?
0:23:29 > 0:23:32- He had to leave.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37- Yes, he went a lot sooner - than he expected.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39- Indeed.
0:23:41 > 0:23:47- Surprisingly, today has turned out - to be a success, Mr Roberts.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49- Well done.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52- Well done, everyone.
0:23:57 > 0:24:02- I think you should all celebrate - with a sandwich.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- Sorry if there's too much pickle. - Take two, Emlyn.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10- That's what the SAS'd do. Enjoy.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18- S4C Subtitles by Adnod Cyf.
0:24:18 > 0:24:19- .