0:00:02 > 0:00:04# You gotta watch this
0:00:04 > 0:00:06MUSIC: "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# You gotta watch this
0:00:10 > 0:00:12# You gotta watch this
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# My, my, my, my programme hits you so hard
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Makes me say oh, my word
0:00:18 > 0:00:19# Thank you for watching me
0:00:19 > 0:00:21# It's telly but not what you normally see
0:00:21 > 0:00:23# It feels good There's out-takes too
0:00:23 > 0:00:25# Comedy guests and clips It's true
0:00:25 > 0:00:27# So sit back Don't look too much
0:00:27 > 0:00:29# This is the show you can't touch
0:00:29 > 0:00:32# So Hacker Time! # Thank you.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Yo! Hello.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36HE COUGHS
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Right, that's too much smoke.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41It's me, Hacker T Dog.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44This is Hacker Time. Look what we've got coming up today.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47We've got this.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Plenty of this.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Oh, and a bit of that.
0:00:51 > 0:00:56Hopefully this show will be better than normal but I make no promises.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Let's start the show with a bit of rock and roll, baby.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Derek, turn up the amp to maximum.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04But Mr Hacker, it's not safe.
0:01:04 > 0:01:09- Just do it. I know what I'm doing. - Whatever you say, Mr Hacker.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10AMP SQUEALS
0:01:10 > 0:01:14It's Hacker Time. Let's rock!
0:01:14 > 0:01:15ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
0:01:15 > 0:01:17CRASH!
0:01:17 > 0:01:19AMP WHINES
0:01:19 > 0:01:21CLATTER!
0:01:21 > 0:01:27My column of spine. Run the howlers while I sort my nonsense out.
0:01:29 > 0:01:35I'm just going to move over here. The sprinklers have just been turned on!
0:01:35 > 0:01:37My hair wasn't great.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Earlier today I spoke to Doctor...
0:01:43 > 0:01:47Doctor? He's not a doctor. Although I need one.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52Earlier I spoke to Barrett Gary... Gary. Barry...
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Earlier today I spoke to Barry Hoffbar...
0:01:55 > 0:01:57HE LAUGHS
0:02:01 > 0:02:04It's going to land on me!
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Talk about Noah's Ark.
0:02:07 > 0:02:12I'm joined by a lifelong supporter of Newport, now the club president.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15And Dave Arnott, who used to play for the club.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Come on! It's coming. Here we go.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38HE LAUGHS
0:02:42 > 0:02:44That was a world of nonsense.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47We'll get amongst more clips like that later.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51But our special guests should be here any moment now.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55They're here, Hacker, but they won't fall for it.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59You will see, Derek. You will see!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01EVIL CHUCKLE
0:03:03 > 0:03:06What's this? A new Breakfast studio this way?
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- No-one told us there was a new studio.- No.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- It must be along here.- Oh, OK.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15CRASH!
0:03:15 > 0:03:20Please welcome today's special guests from BBC Breakfast.
0:03:20 > 0:03:25- It's Bill and Sian!- What? - Special guests?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27- Hi, Bill and Sian.- Hi, Hacker.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- What's this? - What's this about special guests?
0:03:30 > 0:03:35Oh, ignore that. Your new studio's this way. Come on.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Come on. Get on the set. You've live.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39You need to do the news.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Sian, did you hear that? We're live.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Which camera is it?
0:03:43 > 0:03:48- Hacker, this isn't the new studio, is it?- Sure it is.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- But it's not, is it?- No, it's not.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55- Come on, we're leaving.- No, wait!
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- This is better than your studio. - It's not, is it?
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Behold! Breakfast.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Bill and I are serious journalists.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09We won't hang around here just for breakfast.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13- Right, Bill?- This muffin's lovely.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- Will you stay as my guests for my telly show?- I guess so.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Yay! Let's find out about you with this fact file.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Press that button.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28Bill and Sian do the breakfast news. It's news while you eat breakfast.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31I have sandwiches for breakfast.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Bill and Sean love a milky brew. They always have a brew.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Bill's got one here. He loves it.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Here's Bill and Sian in action doing the news.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44Hey, do you just sit around on the sofa talking to men?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Is that all you do, you lazy mooies? Ha ha!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49It's Bill and Sian.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- What do you think of that? - Lazy mooies?
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- You worked quite hard on that, I can tell.- Yes, I did.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Eh, you're pretty good at news.
0:04:58 > 0:05:04- This croissant's lovely.- Bill! Yes, Hacker. We are top news journalists.
0:05:04 > 0:05:09My top story this hour is I think I can make news betterer.
0:05:09 > 0:05:14Over to our canine correspondent for more on this story.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Welcome to the Betterer Arena.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20Today I'm going to make the news betterer
0:05:20 > 0:05:23with a few simple headlines. Bong!
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Breaking news. All news stories must be made up and fun.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33None of this politics and boring nonsense.
0:05:33 > 0:05:38Across now to Hacker T Dog with more on this. Oh, that's me.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42Yeah, what he said. Back to you in the studio.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46Thank you, Hacker.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48And now for more made up happy stories.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Flowers are great, and that.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Ickle hamsters are cute and never get ill.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58Cleaning your teeth with meat paste does nothing for your breath.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05Oh, I couldn't think of anything else... Yes, step two.
0:06:05 > 0:06:10News is too long and long equals boring. But I have a solution.
0:06:10 > 0:06:16Talk quicker. Yes. Hacker T Dog has more on this.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18That's right. Now back to the studio.
0:06:18 > 0:06:23Thanks. Today's other stories include a missing Bavarian cat,
0:06:23 > 0:06:27footballers being banned, Hacker Time has won awards,
0:06:27 > 0:06:31and the weather is fair with snow, rain, wind and sun and gales!
0:06:31 > 0:06:33CRASH!
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Ugh! Stupid lung capacity.
0:06:38 > 0:06:43Right, I've decided news is dull as the people just sit behind a desk.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47But not me. Get rid of that. Move that table away.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51I'm going to improve it now by singing and dancing the news.
0:06:51 > 0:06:56# When you're watching telly news just slip on your dancing shoes
0:06:56 > 0:07:01# Cos the news sounds better whatever the weather
0:07:01 > 0:07:03# If you're singing and a-dancing and a-dancing and a-singing
0:07:03 > 0:07:06# When you sing the news! #
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Eh, where you going? I've got more. This is a good bit.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13# When the news is about a robber who is in a spot of bother
0:07:13 > 0:07:18# Or a cat stuck up a tree It only sounds fun to me
0:07:18 > 0:07:20# If you're singing and a-dancing and a-dancing and a-singing
0:07:20 > 0:07:24# When you sing the news! #
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Thank you!
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Hello?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Hello? Oh.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33# What do you think of that, Bill? #
0:07:33 > 0:07:38We'll put that to our bosses, but I'm not sure they'd be up for it.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- Sure they will. Sian, you liked it, didn't you?- I loved it.
0:07:42 > 0:07:48Sandwiches and sunny days and hamsters and that. We should do that.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Eh, enough of that. It's time to talk about the past.
0:07:51 > 0:07:56Bill and Sian, a long time ago we used to work together, didn't we?
0:07:56 > 0:08:01- No.- We did. I used to fix your computers and that.
0:08:01 > 0:08:06- You didn't.- I did! Watch this. Push that red lever.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11- I've been left on my own.- Hello. - Has it got that bad?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14I'm here now. Confusion with the computer.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16- We're doing a lot of first aid. - We are.
0:08:16 > 0:08:21We're trying to fix things which you can't see.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Underneath this table we have computers,
0:08:23 > 0:08:27so the reason we look down is because your e-mails come up to us
0:08:27 > 0:08:29and the whole thing is kaput.
0:08:29 > 0:08:34All right. I'm doing my best to fix it. Keep your knick-knacks on.
0:08:34 > 0:08:35Sian, you apologise.
0:08:35 > 0:08:40I'm really sorry if you've been trying to send us messages.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Bill, you tidy yourself up. You're a mess, man.
0:08:43 > 0:08:48- Anyway.- Are you with us? - I'm here now.- I was all on my own.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50What are you talking about?
0:08:50 > 0:08:54You're not on your own. I'm right here, look.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57- Remember now?- Yes, yes.
0:08:57 > 0:09:02I loved that job. Bill and Sian, I've got a few questions for you.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- First, Sian.- Yes?
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Have you ever thought about replacing Bill
0:09:07 > 0:09:11with someone smaller, hairier and called Hacker?
0:09:11 > 0:09:16All the time. You would be perfect sitting beside me.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20- Do you mind? Only for a few days. - Bill, I've got one for you.
0:09:20 > 0:09:25Why do you stop working by 9:15? Are you lazy or something?
0:09:25 > 0:09:30- Why don't you get a proper job. - I'm here now, aren't I?- Good point.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Sian, why do you never do a really important news story,
0:09:33 > 0:09:36like one about me, for example?
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- Would you like me to?- Yes. - What have you to say?
0:09:39 > 0:09:43- Not very much. You'll have to make it up a bit.- OK.- Is that OK?
0:09:43 > 0:09:48- I'll do it.- I've got another one for you. What was your favourite...
0:09:48 > 0:09:51HE SCRATCHES AND TRIES TO TALK
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Stop scratching me! Argh!
0:09:54 > 0:09:59Hey, Hacker, stop wasting Bill and Sian's time with silly questions.
0:09:59 > 0:10:04I've got some news. A flea is going to get hit by a giant paw.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Oh, dear. I'd hate to be that flea.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Whoa!
0:10:09 > 0:10:13Oh, that's got it. Phew!
0:10:13 > 0:10:17So what was your... Oh, I've forgotten the question.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20- Let's do something else. - Any more croissants?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22You greedy mooie!
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Let's watch some more of my howlers.
0:10:25 > 0:10:30- You've got to watch this. Sian, flick that switch.- OK, here we go.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32The first one's you, Bill.
0:10:32 > 0:10:37In his party conference speech... Which camera are we on here?
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Hello.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY
0:10:41 > 0:10:45Ooh! Eating my breakfast. Marvellous. Caught in the act.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Sorry, my earring's come off.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51# I see neon lights... #
0:10:51 > 0:10:56The accident and emergency unit is almost certain to move from...
0:10:56 > 0:10:59# Don't get me wrong... #
0:10:59 > 0:11:03On BBC News 25... News 24, even!
0:11:03 > 0:11:08Pay attention, Clarence. Clarence? He can't hear me.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Now Prime Minister's Questions.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Tony Black... Tony Blair back with bleary-eyed nose... Bleary eyes.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17I'm getting this wrong.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21Ha ha! He's just printed out two pieces of blank paper.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25Let's go straight to New York. Nick?
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Is it off the back of my package?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Apologies for that.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Now the business news with Declan.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Good morning, Declan. Declan?
0:11:36 > 0:11:39He's having a nice time reading e-mails.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42SHE LAUGHS
0:11:42 > 0:11:45David Trimble is coming under pressure
0:11:45 > 0:11:51to support the plan that many say does not go nearly far enough.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Eastbourne Council is planning...
0:11:53 > 0:11:56FLY BUZZES
0:11:56 > 0:12:01..£200,000 could be taken off the budget...
0:12:01 > 0:12:04That's all from us for now. Have a good weekend.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05BUZZING
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Ha ha. What a lot of Charlies!
0:12:12 > 0:12:16Now, Bill and Sian, I have some more questions for you.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Will you take them seriously? This is the proper bit.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Lights, please.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Bill, what's the best news you've ever had?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32When I heard I was coming on your programme.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Ah, the right answer, well done.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39Sian, can you shuffle this pile of messy pages into a neat stack
0:12:39 > 0:12:42like what you do on the news?
0:12:42 > 0:12:47- It's quite hard, isn't it? Not as easy as you think.- You can do it.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Perfect. Nice, that.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56Bill, can you make a news story for me and can it be about
0:12:56 > 0:13:00little old me involving a sandwich, a pink dress
0:13:00 > 0:13:02- and a sports day at school?- OK.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Police are investigating a serious theft of a sandwich
0:13:06 > 0:13:08from a school sports day.
0:13:08 > 0:13:15The main suspect is a dog last seen running away wearing a pink dress.
0:13:15 > 0:13:20Oh, William! That's a nice story. Lights, please.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24Imagine who'd do something like that with a pink dress on.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28That's what you think but you're not real. You're just off the telly.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32Let's see what real people with real lives think.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34I'm off.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Hello!
0:13:36 > 0:13:41I'm here at this place to ask some small people some big questions,
0:13:41 > 0:13:46but they don't know I'm coming. I'm giving them a surprise. Let's go.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49ALL: Oooh!
0:13:49 > 0:13:54They look like a rowdy bunch. My lot must be in another classroom.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57The news can be quite sad sometimes,
0:13:57 > 0:14:00but these lot will tell me some good news.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- Hello.- Hi.- What's the best news you've ever had?
0:14:03 > 0:14:07- Hacker Time coming to our school. - When I got my rabbit.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Knowing I'm going to be on TV.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12When I found out I was going to a theme park.
0:14:12 > 0:14:17- When I heard I was going to a dinosaur show.- A dinosaur show?
0:14:17 > 0:14:22- With real dinosaurs? - No, they were animatronic.- Wow!
0:14:22 > 0:14:27Thanks very much for all your good news. You were fantastic.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30I reckon this lot could be newsreaders.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33I've given them a fabulous headline
0:14:33 > 0:14:37and I'd like them to read it out with their most serious voices.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Police have been given new underwear.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43They are said to be happy to be under a vest.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Ha ha! Under a vest!
0:14:46 > 0:14:52Because vest is underwear and 'a vest' is like 'arrest'. Ha ha ha!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54A cat burglar was caught today.
0:14:54 > 0:14:59He said, "I almost got away with the purr-fect crime."
0:14:59 > 0:15:06Purr-fect crime! That's because it's a cat and they go purr. Ha ha ha!
0:15:06 > 0:15:09These lot are going to write a story about me.
0:15:09 > 0:15:15It must include me, a sandwich, a pink dress and my school sports day.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Gather round now cos I want to hear it.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21And in breaking news,
0:15:21 > 0:15:26we're getting reports that a teeny tiny little dog called Hacker has...
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Escaped from the CBBC office.
0:15:28 > 0:15:33He made his way on to the school field in the middle of sports day.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36People laughed at him for wearing his pink dress.
0:15:36 > 0:15:41Ken, the caretaker, tempted Hacker away from the field
0:15:41 > 0:15:46with a CBBC cold bean, banana and coleslaw sandwich?!
0:15:46 > 0:15:51Ian was called to rescue Hacker from the children and order was restored.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53He comes in here, takes over my story,
0:15:53 > 0:15:56which was a very good story I might add,
0:15:56 > 0:15:59but I'm not having Ian taking over my glory -
0:15:59 > 0:16:00I WON'T HAVE IT!
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Thank you.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Bill and Sian, I'm back!
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Oh, look at that button!
0:16:10 > 0:16:15"Do Not Push," but I want to give it a little push, I like buttons.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Shall I push ya?
0:16:17 > 0:16:18Yeah?
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Who can argue with a button? Here we go. Ha!
0:16:22 > 0:16:25We simply don't know, we haven't seen th...
0:16:25 > 0:16:28'Must be some sort of elaborate light switch.'
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Sorry about that!
0:16:33 > 0:16:37- Oh, have you got any more food? - Don't give him any more food!
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- Oh, come on, just a snack. Something light.- Light?
0:16:39 > 0:16:44I didn't do anything to that light, you can't prove anything.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48- What are you going on about? - Oh, er, nothing, nooo, nothing.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52Anyway, on with the show. Derek, play that thing, please.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55One menu, served hot. Hoo-hoo!
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Still to come today, this...
0:16:58 > 0:17:00this...
0:17:00 > 0:17:01- Ahhh!- Ahhh!
0:17:01 > 0:17:03..and this!
0:17:03 > 0:17:07Hold on a minute, they're not in it. Derek, run some more howlers, quick!
0:17:09 > 0:17:15Hello, this is breakfast from... We, it's, here's Moira with the news.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19Mark Pragnell is managing director of the Centre...
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Lawyers have agreed to take the case,
0:17:22 > 0:17:24which is likely to cost £3 million,
0:17:24 > 0:17:29on the basis that if the claimants don't win they won't pay any fees.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34Plymouth Gin has sent a present of her favourite tipple...
0:17:34 > 0:17:36..are heading back to Wembley.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40The FA Vase holders booked their spot in May's final,
0:17:40 > 0:17:41with a 2-1 win over...
0:17:41 > 0:17:46..the title that's been in his grasp for weeks may well disappear.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50- Why's she on the front page of The Times?- Why's your pen on the floor?
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Sorry, I'm sure I can get that.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58There's a... Ooh, sorry! Ha-ha-ha!
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Sorry, I do beg... I was chatting to Matthew and to,
0:18:01 > 0:18:04what's your name? Jane, sorry.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07But they didn't ask permission to use the...
0:18:09 > 0:18:10Oh, well.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14- Sales of hens have booming. Ha-ha-ha!- As city dwellers...
0:18:14 > 0:18:18Thank you, take up a growing trend to keep poultry as pets.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Enthusiasts say they are low maintenance, need only a hutch
0:18:21 > 0:18:23and small patch of garden...sorry,
0:18:23 > 0:18:27- and ensure that eggs are delivered fresh...- Well done.
0:18:30 > 0:18:35- Ha-ha-ha! What are they like?! Now, Bill and Sian.- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39- You're right good at the news and that, isn't that right Sian.- Well...
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- We try our best.- Yeah, well, I have a challenge for you.
0:18:42 > 0:18:47- Derek, do the newsy thing. - Mm, hee-hee-hee!
0:18:49 > 0:18:54- Look at that thing there, look. - Oh, very good, yeah.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58This is now a news studio and I have a challenge.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Ooh, what is it?
0:18:59 > 0:19:04You must read these news stories and keep a straight face.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Oh, that should be easy.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09You will see, ha, you will see. Begin.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Hello and welcome to the news.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13Our top story today,
0:19:13 > 0:19:17thieves have stolen all the toilets from the police station.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22- Detectives are looking, but they say they've nothing to go on.- PARP!
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Phew, I'd give that a few minutes, hee-hee-hee!
0:19:25 > 0:19:28In an unrelated incident
0:19:28 > 0:19:32it is also understood that a thief has stolen 100 wigs.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Police are combing the area for clues.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Do you like my wig, Sian?
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Ha-ha-ha!
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Following an investigation
0:19:40 > 0:19:43we can reveal why the chicken crossed the road.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Our sources allege it was to get to the other side.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- I am a chicken leg!- Mmm.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Bill, no!
0:19:51 > 0:19:53And this just in.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56A famous tap dancer has been taken to hospital,
0:19:56 > 0:19:59early reports suggest he fell into the sink.
0:19:59 > 0:20:03Oh, look at me, I'm tap dancing. Ha-ha! Whoa!
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Oh, bodges, I've fallen into the sink.
0:20:06 > 0:20:11Sports news now, a man has been banned from selling tennis equipment
0:20:11 > 0:20:13after it turned out to be a racket.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16Sorry, Sian!
0:20:16 > 0:20:18And finally...
0:20:18 > 0:20:23a recent wedding was so emotional that even the cake was in tears.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27Look, I'm some kind of cake! Ha-ha!
0:20:27 > 0:20:28Oh, time up!
0:20:28 > 0:20:32- Yes, you did well considering, didn't you?- Thank you!
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Now, Bill, do you think there are enough dogs on telly?
0:20:35 > 0:20:39No, Hacker, I think there should be more dogs on telly.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40Yes, well, I agree,
0:20:40 > 0:20:44that is why me and Dodger have made this, Dogs In Space.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45You gotta watch it!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Deep in the midst of space,
0:20:51 > 0:20:55two dogs have found themselves in charge of a rocket ship.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59They're hard at work discovering planets and carrying out tests.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Well, they're supposed to be.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Dodge, engage thrusters, initiate hyper-drive,
0:21:05 > 0:21:08- trigger fission reactor.- What?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Oh, just sit back and enjoy the ride.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22- Are we there yet?- No.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26- How about now?- No!
0:21:26 > 0:21:31- Er, now?- No!- Now?- No! - Now?- No!- Now?- No!
0:21:31 > 0:21:35- Now, now, now...oh! - He-he-he-he ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- Hacker...- Just keep reading that map!
0:21:45 > 0:21:50- You've got us lost twice around Venus already!- But I feel sick.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Pipe down you mooey! Suck on a boiled sweet.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56Is it left at Pluto, or second right at the Milky Way?
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Oh, oh, ugh, urgh. Oh!
0:21:59 > 0:22:01No, don't, don't, you'll start me off.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Oh, I can't hold it in! Where's that bag? Bleurgh, bleurgh!
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Bleurgh, bleurgh! Urgh, err.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12- Dodger, you dirty mooey! - Urgh, bleurgh!
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Oh, er, I still feel a bit rough.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24- How about some music to pass the time?- Oh, yeah, great idea.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27MUSIC: "Spinning Around" by Kylie Minogue
0:22:27 > 0:22:30MUSIC: "Cotton-Eyed Joe" by The Rednex
0:22:30 > 0:22:32MUSIC: "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Jefferson Starship
0:22:32 > 0:22:34MUSIC: "Cotton-Eyed Joe" by The Rednex
0:22:41 > 0:22:45- Huh?- Did you just make a trouser sound?- No!
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Oh, bodges, we're out of juice!
0:22:48 > 0:22:50I thought you'd filled the tank before we left?
0:22:50 > 0:22:54- I thought you'd filled it! - I thought you were going to!
0:22:54 > 0:22:58- I thought you were going to! - I thought you were going to do it!
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- Ahhhh!- Ahhhh!
0:23:04 > 0:23:09This wild drama continues when we return to Dogs In Space!
0:23:09 > 0:23:13- That were good, weren't it? - Excellent, I really liked it.- Yeah.
0:23:13 > 0:23:17It's almost the end of the show. I've no more need for you.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19- OK, can we go? - Yes, can you leave, please?
0:23:19 > 0:23:23- I've got things to be getting on with.- OK.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27Oh, but before you go, have this little memento.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33The Hacker Time dog bowl is the latest in doggy chic.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37It can store food, store water, store...
0:23:37 > 0:23:41Well, mainly just food and water really. Oh.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- It's a Hacker Time dog bowl. - Oh, isn't it lovely?
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- No, Sian, naughty, Sian, not for you!- Why not?
0:23:49 > 0:23:52I know what happens when you get your mitts on them.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- What?!- I mean this.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58People are getting anxious about me using water,
0:23:58 > 0:24:01with computers, everything's going to go wrong!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03She asked the Dragons for money,
0:24:03 > 0:24:06they said, "You will never sell it in the States!"
0:24:06 > 0:24:10- It's spill proof. - It's spill proofed, it's for dogs...
0:24:10 > 0:24:13I'm tilting it all this way and still not spilt.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16- It's magic.- I'm not doing it upside down.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18- I'm doing it upside down.- Go on then!
0:24:18 > 0:24:23I take full responsibility for my actions.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26- No!- Whoa! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:24:26 > 0:24:30- So, William, you are only allowed to touch said dog bowl.- OK.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34- You'll take good care of it? - I will, I'll give it to my dogs.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37- Now, come on, you two, get out of it!- Oh, OK, now?
0:24:37 > 0:24:41- Well, I've got things to do now. Go on, hop it!- Oh, all right.
0:24:41 > 0:24:46- You're taking up my valuable time. - OK.- Sorry.- Bye!- Bye!- Yeah, OK.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49- Hurry up, then.- Yeah, we're going!
0:24:49 > 0:24:51- Give me a ring later. - Yeah, OK, bye!
0:24:51 > 0:24:53- Mind your head!- Oh!- Oh.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57They were nice, weren't they? But I'm glad they've gone,
0:24:57 > 0:24:59I don't want them getting in the way now.
0:24:59 > 0:25:04It's time for some of my favourite stuff from around this great world.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07It's Hacker's Top News Howlers!
0:25:09 > 0:25:14At five, this lady is just trying to read the news.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Oh, hello, Moira! Nice to see you, how are you doing?
0:25:17 > 0:25:23Hang on a minute, what the bodges? Who's that? Get out of her way!
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Four!
0:25:24 > 0:25:28And at four here's a man who is trying to read the news.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Good evening, if the autocue was working
0:25:31 > 0:25:34I could now read you something, but as it isn't, I can't.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Why did he give up so easily?
0:25:36 > 0:25:40He could have just made something up, it's easy. Erm...
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Oh, can't think of anything. Ohh!
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Three!
0:25:44 > 0:25:48And at three, this man just thinks it's all nonsense, watch this!
0:25:48 > 0:25:53A bill giving more autonomy to the French National Assembly has
0:25:53 > 0:25:59adopted, must approve the measures before, erm, a constitutional revue.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02I'm sorry, this story is absolute...erm, nonsense.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06- I'll continue with some headlines. - I agree young man.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08And here's some more nonsense.
0:26:08 > 0:26:09Two!
0:26:09 > 0:26:13At two, this newsreader gets a bit distracted.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16This is BBC News 24.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20I beg your pardon, I'd lost you there! I was reading, but...
0:26:20 > 0:26:24- I could've carried on, but I thought I'd drop you in it!- Thank you!
0:26:24 > 0:26:26How unprofessional.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Oh, look, something shiny!
0:26:28 > 0:26:30And one!
0:26:30 > 0:26:34And at number one, my favourite howler is this man on the news
0:26:34 > 0:26:36that sounds like a Dalek!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38ECHOING: Here's Chris. Oh!
0:26:38 > 0:26:41- ECHOING:- Ha-ha-ha! Thank you very much indeed.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Well, what an extraordinary sound.
0:26:44 > 0:26:50Ha-ha-ha! Imagine Daleks reading the news, what a lol! Exterminate!
0:26:50 > 0:26:54Except when they take over the world! Oh, bodges!
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Thank you.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01That was good, weren't it, Tarquin? Yeah, anyway, news just in.
0:27:01 > 0:27:02That's the end of the show!
0:27:02 > 0:27:06Thanks to Bill and Sian for getting amongst my telly show,
0:27:06 > 0:27:08it was a slightly above average episode.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Oh, and here's some breaking news.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14We've just got time for my brilliant song, hurrah!
0:27:20 > 0:27:22# That is it for now The end of the show
0:27:22 > 0:27:24# I need the lav-lav So I'm going to go
0:27:24 > 0:27:27# I'll see you next time On this show of mine
0:27:27 > 0:27:29# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time
0:27:29 > 0:27:32# We've had a lol or two Watching some clips
0:27:32 > 0:27:34# I laughed so hard That I nearly was sick
0:27:34 > 0:27:36# I'll show you more funny stuff When I'm next on
0:27:36 > 0:27:39# Who needs other telly shows Mine's the best one
0:27:39 > 0:27:44# Bill and Sian from Breakfast News Were my guests today
0:27:44 > 0:27:46# We read some news We had some fun
0:27:46 > 0:27:49# Then I'd had enough So I sent them away
0:27:49 > 0:27:51# That is it for now The end of the show
0:27:51 > 0:27:53# I need the lav-lav So I'm going to go
0:27:53 > 0:27:56# I'll see you next time On this show of mine
0:27:56 > 0:27:58# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time
0:27:58 > 0:28:00# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time... #
0:28:00 > 0:28:04Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd