0:00:02 > 0:00:04# You gotta watch this... #
0:00:04 > 0:00:06HE FARTS
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# ..You gotta watch this
0:00:09 > 0:00:11# You gotta watch this
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# My, my, my, my programme hits you So hard
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Makes me say Oh, my word
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Thank you for watching me It's telly
0:00:20 > 0:00:21# But not what you normally see
0:00:21 > 0:00:23# It feels good And there's out-takes, too
0:00:23 > 0:00:25# Comedy, guests and clips It's true
0:00:25 > 0:00:27# So sit back Don't eat too much
0:00:27 > 0:00:30# This is the show Ha! You can't touch
0:00:30 > 0:00:32# Stop! Hacker Time! #
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Thank you.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37For generations, magicians have amazed the world
0:00:37 > 0:00:39with stunning illusions.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Sawing the lady in half.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Levitation.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46And pulling a rabbit from a hat.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49But now prepare yourselves for the biggest,
0:00:49 > 0:00:52most mind-boggling illusion of all.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55You will be amazed as Hacker T Dog escapes from a sack.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Erm, hello?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Hello? I've lost the key.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Er, can anyone hear me? It's dark in here.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06I need the lav-lav.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07LIQUID TRICKLES
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Too late. Oh!
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Coming up today, we've got some of this...
0:01:14 > 0:01:16..a bit of this...
0:01:16 > 0:01:18and plenty of me, of course.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Ow, me teeth!
0:01:20 > 0:01:23I've banged me teeth on that...
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Herman, Derek, help me!
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Get us out of here! Run some howlers!
0:01:27 > 0:01:29CLUNK!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31I'm on it. Oof!
0:01:33 > 0:01:37Dogs love water and swimming is a very gentle form of exercise.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39This hydrotherapy pool...
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Now, I mastered this.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Did you?
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Hacker's howlers there! Hacker's howlers.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38I've done meself a right mischief in that bag.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39BONES CRACK
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Ah, that's better. Phwoof!
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Anyway, what a load of nonsense them clips were!
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Stay watching. There'll be more silliness like that later.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52There's more silliness now. Hacker, they're coming.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Oh, that'll be today's guests. Not that they know that yet.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58It's Jedward.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04- Woah, free hair gel. - We can never have enough hair gel!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Let's take a look!
0:03:08 > 0:03:12Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jedward.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13Woo-hoo!
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Are you all right, boys?
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Woah! Hacker, what are you doing here?
0:03:19 > 0:03:21We're here to get free hair gel.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Oh, yes, about that. It's a long story.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- What's wrong, have you run out? - Not quite.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- You see, well, the thing is... - What is it, Hacker?!
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- Spit it out! - There is no hair gel!
0:03:33 > 0:03:34Whaaaat?!
0:03:34 > 0:03:39My friend Ian used it all up. He used all the hair gel from CBBC.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Ooh, yeah!
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Mmm!
0:03:43 > 0:03:45I'll be honest, I've tricked you.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47There was never any hair gel.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51You're actually guests on my tiny little tiny TV show.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53You're on Hacker Time. Surprise!
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- What are we doing here? - You have your own TV show?
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Yes, I do. Lock the doors, Derek. Ha ha ha!
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Heh heh heh!
0:04:03 > 0:04:07- Come over here. You must be delighted to be here.- Err...
0:04:07 > 0:04:08Yeah, thought so.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11You're going to have a lovely time.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15It's at least as good as that X Factor nonsense.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- Shall we find out more about you? - I guess so.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20All right, Edward, pull that lever.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23John and Edward do singing and dancing.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Here's a nice picture of them with Jonathan Ross.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28What are they like?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Camera's over here, boys! No, Edward, over here!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Oh, forget it.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36They started on X Factor with Louis Walsh and t'other ones.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40Now they're dead famous. But fame ain't changed those nice boys
0:04:40 > 0:04:42with the lovely blond hairs.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44To what have you done your head?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Oh, it's Jedward.
0:04:47 > 0:04:52Oh, you've done some right nifty things on telly, John and/or Edward.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Yes, we have.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57I've compiled a graph to demonstrate this.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Now, look, at the bottom, you've got
0:04:58 > 0:05:01the X Factor, that was all right,
0:05:01 > 0:05:03- but not many viewers.- It was OK.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05You were quite good on Eurovision...
0:05:05 > 0:05:08- It was so much fun.- ..considering.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Look at the top. It's Hacker Time.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13This will be the highlight of your career.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- It won't get as good as this again. - So cool!
0:05:15 > 0:05:19- You've so much cool stuff here. - We've got fluff!
0:05:19 > 0:05:21We can all have fun with this.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Calm yourselves down, will you?
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Can we have an autograph?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- Yes, you can.- Really? - I'll do that later.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Stop it! We've got a show to do.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32HACKER GROWLS
0:05:32 > 0:05:36All right now. You two do singing and stuff, don't you?
0:05:36 > 0:05:37- Yes, we do.- La la la.
0:05:37 > 0:05:38I won't lie.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42I think I can do a bit better at performing tunes than you two.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Have a look at this nonsense.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Welcome to the Betterer Arena.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Today, I will show you how to be a betterer singerer
0:05:51 > 0:05:53in a few simple notes.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Woo!
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Being heard is the name of the game.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Voice coaching?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Voice smoaching, more like!
0:06:03 > 0:06:05All you need is bigger equipment.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Bring in the speaker!
0:06:07 > 0:06:09That's it. Bring it in.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Place it down. Lovely, that is.
0:06:13 > 0:06:18OK, guys, it's rock and roll time, baby!
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Blam! Blaaaaam! Uh-oh!
0:06:22 > 0:06:23D'oh!
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Now, once you've established yourself as a top singing artiste,
0:06:29 > 0:06:31give yourself a break.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Nobody wants to be singing all day.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35All you do is take a deep breath
0:06:35 > 0:06:39and just mime along to an already recorded song.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41- Hit it!- Oh...
0:06:42 > 0:06:44# It if hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe
0:06:44 > 0:06:46# I'd been married a long time ago
0:06:46 > 0:06:48# Where did you come from? Where did you go...? #
0:06:48 > 0:06:50SONG SPEEDS UP
0:06:50 > 0:06:53What are you doing? It's going too fast!
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Will you just slow it down a bit, you mooey? What are you doing?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58# ..It if hadn't been for... #
0:06:58 > 0:07:01It's still going fast. You keep watching.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02Keep watching.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Turn it down. Slow it down!
0:07:04 > 0:07:07# ..If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe... #
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Hey, good, ain't I, Edward?
0:07:10 > 0:07:11That was amazing!
0:07:11 > 0:07:14And the award goes to...Hacker!
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Thank you. Hey, I tell you what,
0:07:16 > 0:07:20you two have done the Eurovision, had your own TV shows
0:07:20 > 0:07:22and worked with loads of cool people.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25But do you remember when we released that single?
0:07:25 > 0:07:28No, that didn't happen.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29What? I'm offended!
0:07:29 > 0:07:32It was a smash hit! How could you forget?
0:07:32 > 0:07:36It's a good job I've got the video over here.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39# Under pressure That burns a building down
0:07:39 > 0:07:44# Splits a family in two Puts people on streets
0:07:44 > 0:07:46# Now that the party is jumpin'
0:07:46 > 0:07:48# With the bass kicked in And the vegas are pumpin'
0:07:48 > 0:07:50# Quick to the point To the point no faking
0:07:50 > 0:07:52# Cooking MCs like a pound of bacon
0:07:52 > 0:07:54# Burning them If you're not quick and nimble
0:07:54 > 0:07:56# I go crazy when I hear a cymbal
0:07:56 > 0:07:59# And hi-hat with a souped-up tempo
0:07:59 > 0:08:00# I'm on a roll Time to go solo
0:08:00 > 0:08:03# Pressure, pressure, pressure Pressure, pressure, pressure
0:08:03 > 0:08:06# Pressure, pressure... #
0:08:06 > 0:08:07Do you remember now?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10We don't, but that made the video cooler.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13It took it to the next level by having you there.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16You added this roar, like...
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Arf, arf, arf, arf, arf!
0:08:18 > 0:08:20It was great, weren't it?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22- It was.- It was amazing.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24You're famous people, right?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Not as famous as you.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Few are. That's quite nice, that.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32The viewers might want to hear you talk and stuff.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35So I'll ask you good questions like a proper presenter.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Like Dermot O'Leroy.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39You are a proper presenter, the best!
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Yes, I am.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Now, get me cue card out.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45John, where did you two meet?
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Me and Edward met at the baby shop.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51- I remember it.- The baby shop?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53The baby shop. You go in...
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Our mum and dad hook us out of there and said,
0:08:56 > 0:08:58"They're twins, John and Edward."
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Edward, which one of you is better looking?
0:09:01 > 0:09:05- No, I'm better looking. - No, I'm better looking.- No, I am.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07THEY ARGUE OVER EACH OTHER
0:09:07 > 0:09:10All right, calm down. You're both eye candy to me.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Now, John, what is the square root of 184?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Square root of 184?
0:09:16 > 0:09:18I know this one.
0:09:18 > 0:09:19Erm, erm...
0:09:19 > 0:09:22John, you know this. We did it in maths.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Well, I'm kind of itchy right now.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26VOICES ECHO
0:09:31 > 0:09:35I love giggling, Ed-Flea. Don't you?
0:09:35 > 0:09:36That's right, Jed-Flea.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38But what are we giggling about?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40I don't know. Shall we stop it?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42No, let's keep on giggling.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Good thinking!
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Oh, yeah. That's better.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50That's the stuff. That's the spot.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- Stop it. You're not a dog! - You filthy animal!
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Scratching away during my interview.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- Sorry.- Who do you think you are?
0:09:58 > 0:09:59Now, where was I?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02- I forget... I blame you for this! - Sorry.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - You will be sorry!
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Let's watch some more of my howlers instead.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11Here's some singing and dancing embarrassments.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13You're going to love this!
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Everything seems to be going well here.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28This lady's just started her song there.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32The backing singers are ready. Nothing can possibly go wrong.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35I'm sorry. I've forgotten the words.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Oh, bodges!
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Oh, can we stop a minute? My trousers are undone.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Sorry. They popped when I was sitting down.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08Lots of people here, look. All doing a bit of singing.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Very good.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Hang on, what's that bloke doing?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Oh, yuck!
0:11:16 > 0:11:18What are you doing, man?
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- Stuff went wrong just then, didn't it?- Yeah.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29- Now, John and the other one. - Edward.- Edward, sorry.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32I want to know more about you two, so I'll ask three
0:11:32 > 0:11:36quickfire questions and I want three quickfire answers.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Spotlight, please, Herman.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40That's it. Are you ready?
0:11:40 > 0:11:42- Yeah.- Go!
0:11:42 > 0:11:45John, show us your hidden talent.
0:11:45 > 0:11:46- Go, John, go!- Front flip.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Oh, that's amazing.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Don't try that at home, eh? Hoo-hoo!
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Edward, what talent would you most like?
0:11:54 > 0:11:58I'd love to be a vet, as I'd get to meet so many animals.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Ooh, you won't take my temperature.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03If you could pick anyone else in the world
0:12:03 > 0:12:05to be your twin, who would it be?
0:12:05 > 0:12:07- Well...- Wait, think about it.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08He has to be cool.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10He has to have really cool hair.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Someone who has their own TV show.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17Er, I pick you, cos you look exactly like Edward.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Yes, I do.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Ha ha ha!
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Interesting answers and stuff.
0:12:23 > 0:12:28I've been to speak to real people to see if they think the same.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Have a look at this.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Edward, pull that blue lever.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33- Hello!- Hello!
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Hello, are you all OK?
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Yes!
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Well, I'm here now to ask you a few questions.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Do you have any party tricks or talents?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Oh, blimey! That is a funny face.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Do it again.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50I can do a funny face. Watch this.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54See?
0:12:54 > 0:12:56- HELLO!- HELLO!- HELLO!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58His party trick's shouting.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01If you could do any talent, what would it be?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- Street dancing.- How about this?
0:13:07 > 0:13:08You can help me sing a song. Will you do that?
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- Yeah.- OK, then. Ahem...
0:13:11 > 0:13:15# Sandwiches are mainly bread But you can put stuff in 'em
0:13:15 > 0:13:17# You can put...
0:13:17 > 0:13:19# Salad...
0:13:19 > 0:13:21# In 'em. You can put...
0:13:21 > 0:13:22# Tomatoes
0:13:22 > 0:13:23# In 'em. You can put...
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- # Poo...- In 'em?! # - EVERYBODY LAUGHS
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Poo in 'em? I won't go to your house for a picnic!
0:13:29 > 0:13:34If you could have a twin, famous or otherwise, who would it be and why?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36- Lady Gaga.- Lady Gaga?
0:13:36 > 0:13:38- Lionel Messi.- Who?
0:13:38 > 0:13:39- Rihanna.- Rhiannon?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41- It'd be you, Hacker.- Me?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43You, because you're funny.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Look down there and give me
0:13:45 > 0:13:47a nice big twin smile.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51If you could have a twin, anyone in the world, a famous twin,
0:13:51 > 0:13:52who would it be?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Nev the Bear.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Nev the Bear? Neville?!
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Yes, Neville.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Why Neville? He's not... He's not as good as me!
0:14:03 > 0:14:06- Erm, I think he is. - Well, you're wrong, aren't you?
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Give yourselves a nice round of applause.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Yeah, thank you very much. Goodbye!
0:14:14 > 0:14:15Thank you.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Oh, don't I look attractive on the telly?
0:14:18 > 0:14:19You look so good.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22The way you do it, the way you walk.
0:14:22 > 0:14:23That's very nice of you.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Thanks for dressing like my sofa.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27You know we like to match.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31Heh-heh! Right, John and Eddie, you started out on The X Factor.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35You met lots of famous people and sang in front of millions.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38So will you tell me a secret about Simon Cowell?
0:14:38 > 0:14:41What's he really like?
0:14:41 > 0:14:45Hacker, we'll tell you if you promise to keep it quiet.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Of course. I'm dead good at secrets.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51My mum taught me never to talk of that boil on her bot-bot.
0:14:51 > 0:14:52And I never have.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56Good. In that case, we've some juicy gossip about Simon Cowell.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00- I remember this one time... - No, no. That was the time...
0:15:00 > 0:15:03We were there and he was going... No, that wasn't it.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Yeah, yeah, I'll be back in a sec. Oh, look at that button!
0:15:07 > 0:15:10It's the shiniest button I've seen for a while.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14That button would benefit from a nice big old push,
0:15:14 > 0:15:17but there's a sign that says don't push it.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19But it's such a nice button.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23I'm so confused. I don't know what to do.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Don't press it, Hacker. Do the right thing.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30Bah! Press it, Hacker. What's the worst that could happen?
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Don't do it. Have yourself a nice biryani instead.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Oh, I could eat a biryani, actually.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Have you got time for one now?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Yeah, OK. Shall we go to Posh Spice?
0:15:40 > 0:15:43- They've got two for one on tonight. - Oh, lovely!
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I'll pop my nice horns on and meet you there.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50Do whatever you want, Hacker. We're not that bothered.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52What the bodges was that all about?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Ha! Never experienced that before.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Well, if they're not bothered, I WILL PUSH THAT BUTTON!
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Hargh!
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Uh, we appear to have lift-off, but we're not ready!
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Oh, no!
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Oh, bodges!
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Someone let me down!
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Help!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19And that is the biggest secret ever,
0:16:19 > 0:16:22and that's how his career's taken off.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26Taken off? I didn't make anything take off.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28It wasn't me, Edward. John, help me.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30He's accusing me. John!
0:16:30 > 0:16:32What are you talking about?
0:16:32 > 0:16:34The button...
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Er, nothing.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Nooo. Ha-ha!
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Definitely nothing about buttons.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42Ha, ha-ha!
0:16:42 > 0:16:46Let's do the rest and pretend this never occurred.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Derek, the menu, please.
0:16:48 > 0:16:49A menu?
0:16:49 > 0:16:51- I want pizza.- I want ice cream.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54I want, like, sweet food stuff.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57One menu, served hot. Hoo-hoo!
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Still to come today, this...
0:17:02 > 0:17:04This...
0:17:04 > 0:17:06And this.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Hey, what's that doing there? That's not on the show.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Get rid of it, Derek. What's going on?
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Run some more howlers, quick!
0:17:17 > 0:17:21Listen to this chap. He's nearly as good at singing as me.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24Look at her.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26She can play the piano dead well.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30So animals are good at music.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Shame that humans are all rubbish.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Look at these.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Right in the face!
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Hey, look at him! Ooh!
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Aren't people amusing?
0:18:09 > 0:18:13More howlers later, when I'll count down my favourites.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Right, I've had me hair done so, Jedward, I've had a thought.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20You two are good popstars and I'm dead good at singing, too,
0:18:20 > 0:18:22so I should join Jedward.
0:18:22 > 0:18:23YOU, join US?!
0:18:23 > 0:18:27I've got the hair and everything. It'll be a right old LOL.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29- Hacker...- Wait, wait...
0:18:29 > 0:18:32If you want to join us, you'll need to audition.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36- So, what have I got to do, then? - Well, there's three stages.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37- Singing.- La!
0:18:37 > 0:18:39- Dancing.- Oh, yeah.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42And the hair.
0:18:42 > 0:18:47If you pass all three tests, then you can join us, Jedward!
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Yay! What's first, then?
0:18:49 > 0:18:52First up is singing. Hacker, go perform for us.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Yeah, perform for us.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57What, now? But I can't. I'm a tiny little shy dog.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58Come on, you can do it.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01I can't sing in front of everyone.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04It's time to be a big dog, OK? We believe in you.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- We believe in you! - We believe in you, Hacker.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09- OK, I'll give it a try. - Get out of here!
0:19:12 > 0:19:17# Vincero
0:19:17 > 0:19:25# Vincero! #
0:19:29 > 0:19:31APPLAUSE
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Hey, what you doing? Be careful. Thank you.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38Oh, what did you think, boys? Was it all right?
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Wow! That was amazing!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Do that good in the next test
0:19:42 > 0:19:44and you'll definitely be in Jedward.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48- Oh, what's next, then?- Dancing!
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Me and John are great at dancing, but are you?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Sure am, baby! Hit it!
0:19:54 > 0:19:56MUSIC: "Macarena" by Los Del Rio
0:20:13 > 0:20:14And now, the big finish.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17MUSIC: "Chariots Of Fire" by Vangelis
0:20:24 > 0:20:25BOTH: Oh!
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Woo-hoo! Thank you, thank you.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29So, am I in Jedward now?
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Nearly. We'll just make sure
0:20:31 > 0:20:35your hair is regulation length first to be a Jedward.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Yeah, no problem. I've been back-combing like a good 'un.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42It'll be great when I'm in Jedward, won't it?
0:20:42 > 0:20:45We'll tour the world, release loads of songs.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49Be dead famous. Even more famous than I currently am.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Everyone will scream my name.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- Er, there's a problem. - What problem?- It's your hair.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58It's 2cm too short to be in Jedward.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01But... No!
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Hacker, rules are rules.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06We can't let anyone with tall hair join Jedward.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09I don't believe it. This is an outrage.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11I don't want ridiculous hair like you!
0:21:11 > 0:21:12Get out of here! Go!
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- But, Hacker... - Go on, think about what you've done!
0:21:16 > 0:21:20Get out of here! You've saddened me. I don't want to hear about it.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23I need to cool down and watch some telly with me in it.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24That's right.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28Me and my brother Dodge decided there aren't enough dogs on TV.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32So we made our own period drama thingy. Run Downstairs Abbey, Derek.
0:21:42 > 0:21:47I, Hackerella, am right in love with my master, Lord Percy.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51And to win his heart, I'm making him a milky brew.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55Ah, Lord Percy!
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Ah, Lord Percy.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01Hey, you can't be in love with Lord Percy too.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Yes, I can.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04I'm making him a milky brew.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05You're doing it wrong.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08He likes it more milk than brew.
0:22:08 > 0:22:09BELL JINGLES
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Oh, Lord Percy, Lord Percy!
0:22:11 > 0:22:12I will go!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14No, I'll go.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Hey, come here!
0:22:19 > 0:22:20BOTH PANT
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Girls, feast your sight on this.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26It's a portrait I've painted of the beautiful Lady Sarah.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Urgh!
0:22:28 > 0:22:29Isn't she perfection?
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Yeah, the perfect mooey!
0:22:32 > 0:22:34And when she comes around later and sees it,
0:22:34 > 0:22:37she'll surely fall in love with me.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Yeah, whatever.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40She will.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Now, go and make sure this house is spotless.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Oh, Hacks, we've got to stop this.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Don't worry, I have a plan.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Are you going to tell me, or what?
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Oh, yeah. First of all...
0:22:58 > 0:22:59HACKER WHISPERS
0:23:02 > 0:23:07Lord Percy, may I present Lady Sarah.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Yeuch!
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Lady Sarah, may I say what a privilege it is
0:23:12 > 0:23:14for us to have you as a guest here.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18Not as much of a privilege as it is to be a guest, I assure you.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20- Forgive me, but you are wrong.- Oh.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23It is I who is privileged.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25- Get on with it!- Oh, yes.
0:23:25 > 0:23:29Lady Sarah, may I present a portrait of you, painted by my own hand.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34What?!
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Oh!
0:23:35 > 0:23:38And to think that I might have loved you.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42- Detestable pig!- What?
0:23:42 > 0:23:43No, Lady Sarah!
0:23:48 > 0:23:49Oh, she's gone!
0:23:49 > 0:23:53What could have caused her to react to my portrait in such a way?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55What the...?!
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Nooo!
0:24:01 > 0:24:02Oh!
0:24:05 > 0:24:07BOTH: Oh, Bodges!
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Ain't that good, eh? I'm hilarious in that.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14We're sorry about earlier.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18We've been thinking. Your hair nearly is long enough.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22So maybe, after all, you can join us, Jedward!
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Nah, you're all right. I've moved on.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30I've formed a new double act with an up-and-coming popstar, Harry Tongue.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Er, Hacker, he's not real.
0:24:32 > 0:24:33He's a paper cup.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35How dare you?!
0:24:35 > 0:24:37He's more real than you'll ever be.
0:24:37 > 0:24:38I don't need you two.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Me and Harry will soon be at number one in the charts.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Everyone will love us, love us, love us...
0:24:49 > 0:24:53# Sandwiches are mainly bread But you can put stuff in 'em
0:24:53 > 0:24:56# You can put meat paste in 'em... # Take it away, Harry
0:24:56 > 0:24:58# ..You can put... #
0:24:58 > 0:24:59Huh? Not that! No!
0:24:59 > 0:25:01But why?!
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Harry, don't leave me!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Harry! Noooo!
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Oh, Harry, he was so young!
0:25:10 > 0:25:14Right, that's it. I'm through with double acts for one day.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17It's time for you two to leave now, Yedward.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20Leave? Are you sure you don't want us to do a performance?
0:25:20 > 0:25:22A performance? Ha ha ha!
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Oh, you're serious.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Oh, no, no, no, thanks.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28I've got to get on.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- The door's there. Bye-bye!- Oh!
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Mind your hair on the way out.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Aren't they nice boys?
0:25:37 > 0:25:41But now they've gone, I'll show you some stuff of them going wrong.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42This is Hacker's
0:25:42 > 0:25:45top three Jedward howlers.
0:25:46 > 0:25:51In at number three is John - or is it Edward? - taking a tumble
0:25:51 > 0:25:53off stage at a Christmas concert.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57Keep an eye on the front of the picture. It's a right LOL!
0:26:06 > 0:26:07Whoops! Heh heh heh!
0:26:10 > 0:26:13That Jedward lot are always taking tumbles.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Here's another one in Ireland.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Ooh, be careful, John!
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Ooh, aah, ooh!
0:26:28 > 0:26:32And for my number one favourite Jedward howler,
0:26:32 > 0:26:37Edward is getting a bit too carried away, waving at the audience.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Watch where you're walking, Edward!
0:26:53 > 0:26:57No Jedwards were harmed in the making of these howlers.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05What a LOL! I'd never fall over like that, would I?
0:27:05 > 0:27:06Ow! Argh!
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Brrr! Anyway, thanks for watching Hacker Time.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13It's the end of it now. I'm off to do other things.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Thanks to Jedward for being twins and that.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20I'm going to go and sing a song now to remind us of what fun we've had.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21Goodbye.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26# That is it for now The end of the show
0:27:26 > 0:27:29# I need the lav-lav So I'm going to go
0:27:29 > 0:27:31# I'll see you next time On this show of mine
0:27:31 > 0:27:34# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time
0:27:34 > 0:27:36# We've had a LOL or two Watching some clips
0:27:36 > 0:27:39# I laughed so hard That I nearly was sick
0:27:39 > 0:27:42# I'll show you more funny stuff When I'm next on
0:27:42 > 0:27:45# Who needs other telly shows? Mine's the best one!
0:27:45 > 0:27:49# John and Edward, the Irish twins Dropped in to say hello
0:27:49 > 0:27:51# I sang for them, I did a dance
0:27:51 > 0:27:53# But they wouldn't let me join them So they had to go
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# Well, that is it for now The end of the show
0:27:55 > 0:27:58# I need the lav-lav So I'm going to go
0:27:58 > 0:28:00# I'll see next time On this show of mine
0:28:00 > 0:28:03# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time
0:28:03 > 0:28:05# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time! #
0:28:05 > 0:28:08That is the end of today's Hacker Time!
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Thank you.