0:00:03 > 0:00:04# You gotta watch this
0:00:04 > 0:00:05PRRT!
0:00:06 > 0:00:08# You gotta watch this
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# You gotta watch this
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# My, my, my, my...
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Programme hits you so hard Makes me say, "Oh, my word"
0:00:18 > 0:00:22# Thank you for watching me It's TV but not what you normally see
0:00:22 > 0:00:25# It feels good There's comedy, guests and clips, too
0:00:25 > 0:00:27# So sit back, don't eat too much
0:00:27 > 0:00:29# This is the show you can't touch
0:00:29 > 0:00:31# Stop! Hacker Time! #
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Thank you.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Hello? Hello?
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Somebody open this door right now!
0:00:38 > 0:00:41You're making me look like a moo standing here.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43I'm livid with you, Derek!
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Hello. You all right?
0:00:48 > 0:00:49Welcome to my telly show.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Coming up - we've got this...
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Plenty of this.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Oh, and a bit of that.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59We're going to have a right old LOL today.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01- Ah! Me tail!- Oooh!
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Open the doors!
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Ah! Oooh!
0:01:04 > 0:01:06What are you trying to do me?
0:01:06 > 0:01:09These doors cost me 20 quid. Ahh!
0:01:09 > 0:01:13Ah! Me tail again! Stop it! Why do these things always go wrong on...?
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Ah! Get off me!
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Here's some howlers.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Oh, me tail!
0:01:24 > 0:01:27FOLK MUSIC PLAYS
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Oh, no!
0:01:31 > 0:01:32Oh!
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Oh!
0:01:34 > 0:01:35Ha-ha-ha!
0:01:35 > 0:01:39Oh, look at that!
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Oh!
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Oh, yes!
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Oh, no!
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Oh, no!
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Oooh!
0:02:05 > 0:02:06Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08What are they like?
0:02:08 > 0:02:11I'll play you some more hilarious howlers later.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13ALARM WAILS, HORN HONKS
0:02:13 > 0:02:16I've got a positive sighting, Hacker.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Ah, good. That will be today's guest, Dani Harmer arriving.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Not that she knows she's on here!
0:02:23 > 0:02:25DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:02:27 > 0:02:31A massive Hollywood audition? I could be in a film!
0:02:31 > 0:02:32RIP, CRASH!
0:02:32 > 0:02:39Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome today's special guest - Dani Harmer!
0:02:39 > 0:02:40You what?!
0:02:40 > 0:02:43You all right, Dani?
0:02:43 > 0:02:47Hacker. What are you doing at a Hollywood audition?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Oh, some filthy prankster
0:02:49 > 0:02:52must have put up a sign on my studio wall again.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54It definitely wasn't me and Derek tricking you
0:02:54 > 0:02:56into being on my show.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58- What?!- Nothing!
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Anyway, while you're here, we might as well make the best of it
0:03:02 > 0:03:07because I happen to have my own TV show that I'm presenting.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08So you could be a guest on that.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- You've got your own show? - I know!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Ridiculous, isn't it? Ha-ha!
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- It will be a right old LOL, though. Come on. Come on!- OK.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19You didn't con me into coming here?
0:03:19 > 0:03:22This wasn't just some big elaborate plan to get me on your TV show?
0:03:22 > 0:03:24What?!
0:03:24 > 0:03:26NO!
0:03:27 > 0:03:28Um...
0:03:28 > 0:03:33Oh, them? They were here when I moved in.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Welcome to Hacker Time, Dani Harmer.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- Watch this fact file. Pull the red lever.- OK.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Dani Harmer is a human woman.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45She is most famous for playing Tracy Beaker who
0:03:45 > 0:03:50she has portrayed for over 100 years, or is that over 100 episodes?
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Can't remember. Tracy is a really good character
0:03:53 > 0:03:55who has a lot of fashion sense.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58She wears stripes. She even wears stripes,
0:03:58 > 0:04:02and she can even wear...stripes. More stripes.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06What are you doing? Get yourself a nice bit of check or some spots.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Anyway, here she is wearing stripes - it's Dani Harmer!
0:04:10 > 0:04:14Oh, very interesting. I feel I know you a lot better now.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15That is all total rubbish.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Dani! That took me ages to make.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22And just when I thought you were behaving yourself for once.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24I always behave myself.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Pah! Hardly.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28You're normally a bit more, well, you know.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- No, I don't know. - Well, a bit more like this...
0:04:32 > 0:04:35I can't believe they put a mean old trout like you
0:04:35 > 0:04:37in charge of a children's home!
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Hacker, that's just my character.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Tracy's always shouting. Dani's always happy.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47Well, Dani, you clearly are a very good actress.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50But between you and me, I think I can do acting betterer.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Look!
0:04:52 > 0:04:56Welcome to the Betterer Arena!
0:04:56 > 0:05:01Today I am bettererising acting in a few simple steps.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07An actor has to adapt, like a chameleon.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10One second a dog, the next...
0:05:10 > 0:05:12All right, come on. Dress me.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Ta-da!
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Now I look like an actor.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23I can portray any role.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Why, hello, lovey!
0:05:25 > 0:05:27I am a top theatre producer.
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Can you do Hamlet?
0:05:28 > 0:05:30No!
0:05:30 > 0:05:34- I'm shy.- Oh!
0:05:37 > 0:05:40And now it's time to do away with all of this nonsense.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46No-one wants to learn lines or get amongst a script. Boring!
0:05:46 > 0:05:50Instead, I talk from the heart and make it up.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52And action!
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Dearest, Guinevere,
0:05:54 > 0:05:58wouldst thou recount upon me news of your adventures in the Africas?
0:05:58 > 0:06:03Em, I think that, um...
0:06:03 > 0:06:08I've lost me train of thought now. Don't you shake your head at me!
0:06:10 > 0:06:15If you want to be an actor, you've got to portray all emotions.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16You have to do happy.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Oh, hello, little cutie-wutie little baby.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Are you well?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Also, you have to be able to do angry.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Would you like my very last sweetie?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31I beg your pardon!
0:06:31 > 0:06:34How dare you come in here in your filthy, stinky nappy!
0:06:34 > 0:06:36I don't want that muck.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39I don't know where you've been! HE CRIES
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Yeah, go on, cry!
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Cry all you want!
0:06:41 > 0:06:42See if I care!
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Hmm!
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Don't cry, baby.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48I'm only acting. Baby!
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Baby!
0:06:50 > 0:06:51Ah...!
0:06:51 > 0:06:53What did you think of that, Dani?
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Interesting tips you're giving there.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Yes, I am.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00So, are you enjoying yourself on my tiny little TV show so far?
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I am, indeed.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04We always have a LOL together, don't we? Yeah.
0:07:04 > 0:07:09It's like that time I appeared in Tracy Beaker Returns, remember?
0:07:09 > 0:07:13- No.- Dani! How could you forget?
0:07:13 > 0:07:17I'm offended! Good job I've got the clip to hand. Pull that blue lever.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24- You seem to have had a time of it. - I'm going to get fired!
0:07:36 > 0:07:37BIRD CAWS
0:07:40 > 0:07:44You all right, Tracy? Careful or you'll...fall.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46CRASH!
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Hey, that's more time for me. I've got myself a lovely parachute.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54Oh, budgies! I've packed my knick-knacks again
0:07:54 > 0:07:56and not my parachute!
0:07:56 > 0:07:59THEY LAUGH Good, wasn't I?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01You were brilliant.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05- I can't believe you'd forgotten that. - I know.- Anyway, I'm going to ask you
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- some questions now, like proper interviewers do.- Exciting.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12I am making a big new movie and I need a young, talented,
0:08:12 > 0:08:15good-looking, clever actress with long black hair.
0:08:15 > 0:08:16Do you know anyone?
0:08:16 > 0:08:20HACKER LAUGHS
0:08:21 > 0:08:26If you could act with anyone in the whole wide world, would it be me?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Of course it would be you.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Or Johnny Depp.
0:08:30 > 0:08:35Oh, right. What is your favourite episode of... Excuse me.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38What is your favourite ever... What is your... What is...
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Will you stop it?! Ah!
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Hacker, stop being so rubbish.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Ask her about acting.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47I am a great actor.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- OK. Show me terror.- OK.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54Ah, we're going to get crushed!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Wow, that's some good acting. Ah!
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Ah!
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Oh, that's got it.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Right, what's your favourite, er...thingy?
0:09:03 > 0:09:07- Hacker, what are you trying to say? - I have no idea.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Right, let's watch some more stuff, Dani.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Let's watch what happens when some acting people mess up.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Press that button.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21You there!
0:09:21 > 0:09:22LAUGHTER
0:09:22 > 0:09:26As much as I've decided anything... I looked at the camera!
0:09:27 > 0:09:30- A few jokes, a bit of banter breaks the ice.- And...
0:09:31 > 0:09:33HE SINGS
0:09:34 > 0:09:36It's genius!
0:09:39 > 0:09:40HE LAUGHS
0:09:40 > 0:09:42We've heard enough bright ideas.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45PRRT! Oh!
0:09:45 > 0:09:49- Windy Wallace again!- It was my foot!
0:09:49 > 0:09:53Actually, the swimming trip was to get everyone out of the flat.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55What's wrong?
0:09:55 > 0:09:59Actually, the swimming trip was to get everyone out of the flat...
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Actually, the swimming trip was to get everyone out of the flat
0:10:02 > 0:10:04for an hour while I set up a surprise...
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Actually, the swimming trip...
0:10:09 > 0:10:10LAUGHTER
0:10:12 > 0:10:13SHE LAUGHS
0:10:13 > 0:10:17- We have a transplant this afternoon. - Fantastic.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20So if you're considering a career in...
0:10:23 > 0:10:24I'm sorry I...
0:10:26 > 0:10:28I've forgotten my lines.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Hey, there were multiple LOLs there, weren't there?
0:10:35 > 0:10:37There were.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- Now, Dani, we're going to do some acting later on.- OK.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Cos I am a very good actor,
0:10:41 > 0:10:43but I need to check that you're good enough.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47So I'm going to get you to show off some of your skills.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- Do you understand that? - Yes, I did.- Good.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Spotlight please, Herman!
0:10:53 > 0:10:54Go!
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Be a robot malfunctioning.
0:10:58 > 0:10:59Very good.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Be a Frenchman buying a loaf of bread.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03Oh, could I have a loaf of bread?
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Yes, you can.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06Be a spoon!
0:11:08 > 0:11:09Perfect! Stop!
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Interesting attempt, Dani, that.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15The other day I went to hang out with some of my real friends
0:11:15 > 0:11:19and we talked about drama. Have a look.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21- Will you flick that switch, please? - Yes.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24- Hello! ALL:- Hello!
0:11:24 > 0:11:28I'm here today with these lovely people to teach them
0:11:28 > 0:11:31about acting and I'm going to find out
0:11:31 > 0:11:34if any of these guys have got any acting powers.
0:11:34 > 0:11:39Could you act like a robot that is about to break down?
0:11:39 > 0:11:42HE MAKES WHIRRING SOUND
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Pfff-pfff-pfff...
0:11:44 > 0:11:45Very good.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Zzzrrr-zzzrrr-zzzrrr.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Izzz-izzz-izzz.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Zzzzzzzzz!
0:11:53 > 0:11:56- Whoaaarrr.- That was good, that.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59- How about you? - Ppppr-ppppr-ppppr...
0:11:59 > 0:12:01I do it like this...
0:12:01 > 0:12:06Urrrr-zzzrrr-wwwrrr.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10I want you to act as if you are a Frenchman
0:12:10 > 0:12:12buying a loaf of bread from me.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- FRENCH ACCENT:- Can I have a loaf of bread, please?
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Ah, yes you can 'ave zome bread.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- There it is.- Merci.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- Bonjour.- Hello.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- Can I have a baguette? - LAUGHTER
0:12:25 > 0:12:32Right, you want to buy some bread from me in 'Acker's Bread Shop.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Please, mademoiselle, can I have a baguette, please?
0:12:35 > 0:12:36Mademoiselle?!
0:12:36 > 0:12:38- That means a woman, don't it?- Yeah.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42In order to be a professional actor, you've got to be able to
0:12:42 > 0:12:47portray the role of anything, including inanimate objects.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49For example, a spoon!
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Adopt the shape of a spoon!
0:12:53 > 0:12:56A spoon!
0:12:56 > 0:13:00And act as if you are a spoon!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Excuse me. Stop a second. Where's my close-up for that?
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Spoon! Spoon!
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Spoon. Thank you.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- What sort of spoon are you? - A tablespoon.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Them are the spoons you eat tables with, aren't they?
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Omelette spoon!
0:13:19 > 0:13:22The name's Spoon, Wooden Spoon!
0:13:22 > 0:13:24You are funny.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25So, there we have it,
0:13:25 > 0:13:29we've learned that these guys can act like a robot, like a Frenchman
0:13:29 > 0:13:33buying a loaf of bread and they can all act like spoons.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Give yourselves a big clap! You've been fantastic!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Thank you very much. Goodbye! THEY CLAP
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Thank you.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Ha-ha-ha!
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Children are like adults, only smaller.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52So, Dani, you're a famous and successful acting person.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Can you give everyone at home some tips about acting and that?
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Of course! Finally, a proper question.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01For the first time, exclusively to Hacker Time,
0:14:01 > 0:14:05I'm going to reveal my secrets into why my career's been so successful.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08If you follow these tips, you'll have a successful career.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Ready? Tip One. Auditions.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13All you have to do, really, is just be yourself,
0:14:13 > 0:14:15but make sure you learn your lines first...
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Look...
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Oh, look at that button!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21I...
0:14:21 > 0:14:22Oh, "Do not push", it says, that.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Oh, but I want to push it.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Tell you what - I'll not really push it,
0:14:27 > 0:14:31I'll act as if I'm pushing it. Ha-ha-ha!
0:14:31 > 0:14:34EXPLOSION AND ALARM
0:14:38 > 0:14:42Oh...budgerigars.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47..And if you definitely do all that, then you're certain
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- to have a long and successful acting career.- Oh!- Hacker?- What?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53- Hacker, have you been listening to me?- Oh, yeah, yeah,
0:14:53 > 0:14:55I listened to that. Good advice. Bob on.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58You've not listened to a word I've said! Don't push it!
0:14:58 > 0:14:59I didn't push it! It wasn't me!
0:14:59 > 0:15:01I've got a tangible alibi!
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Don't take me away, officers, please!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Take you away? What are you talking about, Hacker?
0:15:08 > 0:15:09The button! The... Um...
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Oh, nothing!
0:15:11 > 0:15:12I've been sitting here
0:15:12 > 0:15:16- quietly minding my own business all along, yeah.- Right, OK.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Can we do the next bit now and forget this ever happened?
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- Yeah, I think that's probably for the best.- OK.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Do that thing with the buttons, Derek!
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Oh, yeah.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Still to come today, this...
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Bacawk! I am a chicken!
0:15:32 > 0:15:34..that and this.
0:15:34 > 0:15:35Who are they?
0:15:35 > 0:15:36What's that doing in there?
0:15:36 > 0:15:40They're not on. Play some Howlers, Derek! Oh, I'm livid, I am.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44All right, Si?
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Ooh-er... Oh!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49THEY LAUGH
0:15:52 > 0:15:53Beware of my head!
0:15:54 > 0:15:57THEY LAUGH
0:15:57 > 0:15:58Action!
0:15:59 > 0:16:00Action!
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Oh, I'm very sorry.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04That means go, does it?
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Yes, of course.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Don't tell me you're defrosting the cat.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12What are you up to?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14THEY LAUGH
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Ectoplasm - yes, proof of life from another world.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20HE BREAKS WIND
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Sorry, I just farted!
0:16:23 > 0:16:24Ha-ha-ha!
0:16:27 > 0:16:30LAUGHTER
0:16:34 > 0:16:38- Ha! Hey, Dani, did you like that? - I loved it.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40- I'll tell you what else you'll love.- What?
0:16:40 > 0:16:44- Tracy Barker.- Oh, Tracy Beaker? I love Tracy Beaker. Put it on.
0:16:44 > 0:16:45It's not on telly enough.
0:16:45 > 0:16:50No, no, Dani, not Tracy Beaker, Tracy Barker.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Run it, Derek.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Beep.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Beep.
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Yeah?
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Oh, sorry, it's just, uh, these fruits...
0:17:06 > 0:17:07Yeah.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10I was going to buy them, but they're slightly damaged.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- Mmmm.- Can I get a discount?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Oh, I'll just check for you.
0:17:14 > 0:17:15Hello?
0:17:15 > 0:17:16Hello?!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Can I have some assistance, please?
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Can a man...
0:17:21 > 0:17:28Yeah. ..a man have a discount because his fr-uit is bruis-ed?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30No, he can't.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Thanks!
0:17:33 > 0:17:34No, you can't.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44HE LAUGHS WILDLY
0:17:44 > 0:17:47It's so...! Argh, it's funny!
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Tracy Barker! She...cracks...me...right...up!
0:17:51 > 0:17:56- Ha-ha! It's hilarious, in't it, Dani? - Not exactly...
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Can we do something else now?
0:17:58 > 0:18:01I've got more episodes of Tracy Barker if you want?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04No, no! I've got an idea - why don't we do a bit of acting?
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!
0:18:05 > 0:18:07We could play my acting game thing.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09This is what happens, right?
0:18:09 > 0:18:13- Herman reads out different types of films...- Genres.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Bless you. And we have to act out in that style.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- OK, cool.- Right, there's hats and stuff, too.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22- The scene we have to do is two people fighting over the remote control.- OK.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Romance.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25Go!
0:18:26 > 0:18:30I am romantic and I think, Mrs Harmer,
0:18:30 > 0:18:34will you please put Tracy Barker on?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36I cannot, my love. It is a terrible programme.
0:18:36 > 0:18:41- You could have flowers instead. - That offer makes me physically ill.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42Western.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44WESTERN MUSIC
0:18:44 > 0:18:50I rode into this here town to watch myself me some Tracy Barker.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52I think you should put it on and that.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55No, I'm not gonna put it on.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57THEY SPIT AND LAUGH
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Sci-fi.
0:18:59 > 0:19:05I think you should put the Tracy Barker thing on or I will
0:19:05 > 0:19:09get my robot to, um, commit a minor crime in your direction.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12SHE SPEAKS IN AN ALIEN LANGUAGE
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Easy for you to say, love.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Silent movie.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22INAUDIBLE
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Musical.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34# Please put Tracy Barker on...
0:19:34 > 0:19:36# No
0:19:36 > 0:19:38# ..you white-faced freak
0:19:38 > 0:19:42# No, I couldn't possibly, cos it is rubbish
0:19:42 > 0:19:44# Rubbish or not
0:19:44 > 0:19:49# It deserves our time I get repeat fees for every showing
0:19:49 > 0:19:51# I don't care, it's really that bad
0:19:51 > 0:19:53# I'm not putting it on
0:19:53 > 0:19:56# All right, then, let's do a little musical interlude instead
0:19:56 > 0:19:57# OK. #
0:19:57 > 0:20:00JAZZ MUSIC
0:20:00 > 0:20:01Horror!
0:20:03 > 0:20:10Put Tracy Barker on, or I will creep up on you!
0:20:11 > 0:20:17You will rue the day, Dani Harmer, you crossed me with your pointy head!
0:20:17 > 0:20:20KLAXON BLARES That's the end of the game!
0:20:20 > 0:20:22I was good in that, though, weren't I?
0:20:22 > 0:20:25- You were very good, Hacker. - Anyway, enough of this nonsense,
0:20:25 > 0:20:27cos I'm already an experienced actor.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30- Really?- Look at what me and Dodge got up to at the weekend.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33We made one of them fancy costume-drama things
0:20:33 > 0:20:34that our mum likes.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Play it, Derek!
0:20:44 > 0:20:52'I, Hackerella, a humble maid, am in love with my master, Lord Percy.'
0:20:52 > 0:20:56# Oh, Lord Percy
0:20:56 > 0:20:58# Lord Percy
0:20:58 > 0:21:02# I love you and that
0:21:02 > 0:21:07# And I love you too! #
0:21:08 > 0:21:12Eh, I've told you already, you can't be in love with Lord Percy - I am!
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- BELL RINGS - Oh, Lord Percy, Lord Percy!
0:21:15 > 0:21:17- I'll go!- No, I'll go!
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Ah, there you are, girls.
0:21:24 > 0:21:25I've got some exciting news.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28We're going to have a very important visitor.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30The father of my one true love.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33What, my daddy's coming over?
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Ha-ha! Oh, yes, good joke, Hackerella.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Me in love with you, how ridiculous! - Yeah, how ridiculous...
0:21:39 > 0:21:44No, my one true love is, of course, Lady Sarah.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47And the reason her father is coming to stay is that
0:21:47 > 0:21:49I'm going to ask his permission to marry her.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52So you'd better make sure this house is spotless.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Go on, then!
0:21:56 > 0:21:57Hacks, if the Duke says yes,
0:21:57 > 0:22:00then Lord Percy's going to marry Lady Sarah!
0:22:00 > 0:22:06But the Duke is going to say no, for I have a plan!
0:22:09 > 0:22:13Lord Percy, may I present the Duke?
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Thank you, Dodgina.
0:22:16 > 0:22:17Your Excellency.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Ugh!
0:22:20 > 0:22:22I am a Duke!
0:22:22 > 0:22:23Right.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Your Excellency, I have invited you here today
0:22:26 > 0:22:30to ask for your consent for your daughter's hand in marriage.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31What say you?
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Let me think - erm, noo!
0:22:35 > 0:22:37But, my Lord, surely...
0:22:37 > 0:22:38No, I won't have it.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40I won't have you in my family!
0:22:40 > 0:22:43- Is there anything I can do to change your mind?- Yes.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46You could dance like a chicken.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48As you...wish.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Bockaw! Bockaw!
0:22:52 > 0:22:54I am a chicken!
0:22:54 > 0:22:55Bockaw!
0:22:55 > 0:22:56Bockaw!
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- Bockaw!- What are you doing?!
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Lady Sarah, I was just talking to your father.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04What are you talking about?!
0:23:04 > 0:23:06This isn't my father.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Agh!
0:23:08 > 0:23:10What the...?!
0:23:10 > 0:23:14And you thought these two vagabonds were Pater!
0:23:15 > 0:23:17How dare you?!
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Never speak to me again!
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Lady Sarah!
0:23:22 > 0:23:24You, come here!
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Ain't I good at acting, eh?
0:23:28 > 0:23:32You're better at acting than you are at presenting, I guess.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Cheeky!
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Eh, Dani, thanks for coming on to my show today.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40- It's kind of you to accept my invite. - I didn't exactly accept, but...
0:23:40 > 0:23:44Whatever. I've got you a nice little present
0:23:44 > 0:23:47- to remember how much you've loved being here.- Really?
0:23:47 > 0:23:50It's a very special Hacker Time tea towel!
0:23:50 > 0:23:52- Ugh.- Yeah, don't worry about the stains,
0:23:52 > 0:23:55stick it in on a 40 degree wash, it'll be as good as new.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57It's a used tea towel.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58Yeah, and that's not all.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Because you've been such a good guest,
0:24:01 > 0:24:06you can have a limited-edition Hacker Time dog bowl!
0:24:06 > 0:24:09The latest in doggy chic.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13It can store food, store water, store...
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Well, mainly just food and water, really.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Just give it a rinse out when you get home.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23- I had last night's biryani in it. - Thank you so much(!)- All right.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25The door's over there, goodbye!
0:24:25 > 0:24:28- Oh, OK, bye.- Bye.
0:24:28 > 0:24:29- Eh, don't be a stranger.- I won't.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33That's not a free invite to pop in whenever you want, though.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37- Cheers, Hacker.- It's all right. See you.- Bye.
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Right, now she's gone,
0:24:38 > 0:24:42I'm going to show you some of my favourite LOLs from around the world.
0:24:42 > 0:24:47It's time for Hacker's Top Five Acting Howlers.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52There's a right nonsense going on at number five.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55You'll be fine, you're both grown up.
0:24:55 > 0:24:56- BOTH:- Agh!- Sorry!
0:24:56 > 0:25:00THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04We should all...
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Sorry, do it again!
0:25:09 > 0:25:11What a palaver!
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Acting is easy, right?
0:25:15 > 0:25:16You'd think so, wouldn't you?
0:25:16 > 0:25:19But this mooey wouldn't agree.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21SHE LAUGHS
0:25:26 > 0:25:27You OK?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29- Shall we cut?- Try again.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31I can't believe he dumped me...
0:25:31 > 0:25:32THEY LAUGH
0:25:32 > 0:25:34- I'm so sorry.- Action.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37I can't believe he dumped me.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40THEY LAUGH Ha-ha-ha!
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Stuff went wrong, didn't it?!
0:25:44 > 0:25:45It went all wrong.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50In at three, this cha-os.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Wrong way, wrong way!
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Silly! Ooh!
0:26:01 > 0:26:04What's at number two, you say?
0:26:04 > 0:26:06This LOL, that's what.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Ha!
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Ha-ha-ha!
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- Ha-ha-ha!- Cut there.
0:26:20 > 0:26:25And my number one favourite acting howler is this.
0:26:25 > 0:26:30- Duke, he won't give me the milk. - Give Tracy the milk.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Ha-ha-ha!
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Milk-face chaos!
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Ha-ha-ha! I'll be LOL-ing all night after that.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44I'm not going to top that bit, so I might as well just go away.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Thanks to my guest, Dani Harmer.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49I've had a lovely time learning about that acting nonsense.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52I'll leave you today with my big musical end bit.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55What a show we've had, eh?
0:27:00 > 0:27:01# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:27:01 > 0:27:04# I need the lav-lav, so I'm going to go
0:27:04 > 0:27:07# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:07 > 0:27:09# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time
0:27:09 > 0:27:12# We've had a LOL or two, watching some clips
0:27:12 > 0:27:14# I laughed so hard that I nearly was sick
0:27:14 > 0:27:16# I'll show you more funny stuff when I'm next on
0:27:16 > 0:27:17# Who needs other telly shows?
0:27:17 > 0:27:19# Mine's the best one
0:27:19 > 0:27:21# Dani Harmer was on the show
0:27:21 > 0:27:24# It's always nice to see her
0:27:24 > 0:27:26# She is funny, we had a LOL
0:27:26 > 0:27:28# But at least she's not as loud as Tracy Beaker
0:27:28 > 0:27:31# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:27:31 > 0:27:33# I need the lav-lav, so I'm going to go
0:27:33 > 0:27:36# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:36 > 0:27:38# Put it your diary, it's called Hacker Time
0:27:38 > 0:27:40# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time
0:27:40 > 0:27:44# That is the end of today's Hacker Time! #
0:27:44 > 0:27:45Thank you, thank you!
0:27:45 > 0:27:48E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk