0:00:02 > 0:00:04# You got to watch this
0:00:04 > 0:00:06PARP!
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# You got to watch this?
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# You got to watch this!
0:00:12 > 0:00:14# My, my, my
0:00:14 > 0:00:16# My programme hits you so hard
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# Makes me say, "Oh, my word"
0:00:18 > 0:00:19# Thank you for watching me
0:00:19 > 0:00:21# It's telly, but not what you normally see
0:00:21 > 0:00:23# It feels good, there's out-takes too
0:00:23 > 0:00:25# Comedy, guests and clips, it's true
0:00:25 > 0:00:27# So sit back, don't move too much
0:00:27 > 0:00:29# This is the show you can't touch. #
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Stop, hacker time! Thank you.
0:00:32 > 0:00:37You all right? I'm Hacker and you're watching my very own show.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40It's going to be a right LOL, you know.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Coming up, there's a bit of this.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Some of this.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47And a bit of that.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49And to get the show off with a bang,
0:00:49 > 0:00:52I've got this fabulous visual display.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Drum roll, please, Herman.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57DRUM ROLL
0:00:57 > 0:01:01Are you ready for this? It's going to be right good.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03FIREWORK SIZZLES
0:01:04 > 0:01:07POP!
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Is that it? That cost me a fortune! Oh, never mind.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12I suppose the only way is up.
0:01:12 > 0:01:13ALARM BEEPS
0:01:13 > 0:01:16- What the...?- It's a smoke alarm!
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Oh, bodges!
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- What's this?- The sprinklers.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Hey, give me that umbrella!
0:01:26 > 0:01:29I'm the star of the show, you know.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32You lot watch some howlers while I sort this out.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Come back here, I'm livid!
0:01:34 > 0:01:37You can't treat me like this, I'm a national treasure!
0:01:37 > 0:01:40I'm treasured on a national level, hm.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Hello, and welcome to A Question Of Sport. And with quite, er...
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Oh, I'm sorry.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50LAUGHTER
0:01:50 > 0:01:53All hell broke lose at the Y Diner last night,
0:01:53 > 0:01:56after a security team were compromised at the...
0:01:56 > 0:01:58at a priv... othum faffem ba!
0:01:58 > 0:02:00LAUGHTER
0:02:00 > 0:02:03What we need to do is sign up new, fresh talent.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04- Hold auditions!- Exactly.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07There's loads of talent out there, waiting for Sam and Mark to...
0:02:07 > 0:02:09something!
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- Hold auditions!- Exactly. Oh, no!
0:02:13 > 0:02:16- Hold auditions!- Exactly!
0:02:16 > 0:02:17HE GIGGLES
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- Hold auditions!- Exactly!
0:02:21 > 0:02:23There's loads of talent out there, just waiting
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- to turn into superstars like us. - Oh, yeah!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28LAUGHTER
0:02:28 > 0:02:32In picturesque villages like... Where am I?
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Chloe said if I didn't have a party...
0:02:34 > 0:02:35SHE FLUFFS HER WORDS
0:02:35 > 0:02:37And that's not an option with... Sorry!
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Ha-ha-ha! Ain't it all a lot of nonsense?
0:02:43 > 0:02:45More howlers later,
0:02:45 > 0:02:48but first, it's about time to welcome today's guest.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Although she doesn't know she's the guest yet.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53It's Carol off the weather.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57Oh, she's coming, Hacker! Eh?
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Look, it's Carol!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Here goes.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06"Nice Ladies Who Like The Weather Club."
0:03:06 > 0:03:11I'm nice, I'm a lady and I like the weather. I'm going to give that a go.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17'Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Carol Kirkwood.'
0:03:20 > 0:03:23- You all right, Carol?- Hi, Hacker.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27I'm here for the Nice Ladies Who Like The Weather Club. Where is it?
0:03:27 > 0:03:31Oh, it's just over there. Lock the doors, Derek. Ha-ha-ha!
0:03:34 > 0:03:38Hacker, there is no Nice Ladies Who Like The Weather Club here.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- It's just me, you and Harry Tongue. - Er, yeah.
0:03:41 > 0:03:46Er, there's something I need to tell you about that. How can I put this?
0:03:46 > 0:03:50There is no club! It's all a big fat porkie, Carol.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54I've actually got you here to be on my TV show. Surprise! Ha-ha!
0:03:54 > 0:03:59Your TV show? No, no, no! I'm far too busy for this.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02- I've the weather to present. I'm off. - Oh, Carol!
0:04:02 > 0:04:03SAD MUSIC
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Don't go.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07I'm only a tiny little tiny dog
0:04:07 > 0:04:11and I just need one teeny, weenie guest like you
0:04:11 > 0:04:13to help me make my TV show.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17- I've gone and made this fact file thing for you and everything.- Ah!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Push that red lever.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Carol Kirkwood is a weather forecasting person.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24She's very clever and serious and that.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Look, here she is with her friends. What a bunch!
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Who's the bloke in the tights?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Carol presents the weather on Breakfast TV with this lot.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Oh, it's Bill and Sian. Hello!
0:04:33 > 0:04:38Her job is to stand in front of a map and wave her arms around.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40I've no idea why, but that is why we love her.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43It's BBC weather legend Carol Kirkwood!
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- Hey, did you like it? - I did, it was brilliant.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49- You're a clever wee doggy, Hacker.- Yeah.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Will you stay then?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Oh, go on! As long as we can watch some funny clips
0:04:54 > 0:04:56of people doing the weather later?
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Go on, then. Now, Carol, I like watching the weather.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03I love that episode where the sun was out in Wigan
0:05:03 > 0:05:05and it was raining in East Anglia.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Must try and get it on DVD. They never repeat that one.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Anyway, you do the weather very well
0:05:11 > 0:05:15but I think I could do it betterer.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Oh, you do, Hacker?
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Well, I don't think you could, so I want to see that.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Well, have a look at this.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Welcome to the Betterer Arena.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29This is where I will be doing the weather betterer
0:05:29 > 0:05:30in three gusts of wind.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31PARP!
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Not that kind of wind!
0:05:35 > 0:05:39First things first, we need to brighten this weather lark up a bit.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Don't just talk the weather, dress the weather.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48In the bottom of this thing here, it's going to be very hot.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Ooh, I've got a right sweat on. And then...
0:05:52 > 0:05:55On this left bit here, it's going to be raining
0:05:55 > 0:05:56and wet and stuff.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Ooh, look up there.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03Ah! It's f-f-freezing and s-s-snowing in that bit up there.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Brrr! Don't go there!
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Wind! What am I supposed to wear for wind?
0:06:12 > 0:06:13WIND BLOWING
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Hrrgh, Rrgh! Ah!
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Stupid wind! I never liked it anyway.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25Weather would also be betterer with less of the chat.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29For example, isobars. Iso-boring! You don't need it.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30Just speed it up a bit.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34Welcome to the weather. Hot, wet, cold, windy, goodbye.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35See? That was easy.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38It leaves more time to do this.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45Don't just do the weather in this country, do the whole world.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49Nay, the whole universe!
0:06:49 > 0:06:53Over there is the moon. That is dark. The sun is asleep right now.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56And closer to home will be an alien invasion.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01Alien invasion? What sort of weather chat is this meant to be?
0:07:01 > 0:07:04ALIEN LANGUAGE
0:07:04 > 0:07:08Oh hello, little creature! Aren't you a cutey-wutey?
0:07:08 > 0:07:09Ah!
0:07:09 > 0:07:13Argh! Get off! Hey, what you doing to me furry little self?
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Oh, you don't know your own strength, you!
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Ah, me spinal column!
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Owsies!
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Good, eh?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24All you need to do is go into space,
0:07:24 > 0:07:26put your bikini on and keep the forecast short.
0:07:26 > 0:07:31- It's easy.- Oh, Hacker, no! It will never work.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Can you imagine the weathermen in a bikini?
0:07:33 > 0:07:37Oh, yeah, I can! Urgh! Never mind.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Oh, Carol.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41PLAYS TUNE
0:07:41 > 0:07:44# Oh, Carol
0:07:44 > 0:07:45# I am but a fool
0:07:48 > 0:07:50# Darling, I love you
0:07:50 > 0:07:53# Though you treat me cruel
0:07:55 > 0:07:58# You hurt me
0:07:58 > 0:08:01# And you made me cry
0:08:01 > 0:08:04# But if you leave me
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- # I will surely die.- #
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- That was brilliant, Hacker. Brilliant!- Thank you.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Just a bit of something I've been working on.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Now, where was I? Oh, let's get back to the weather and that.
0:08:17 > 0:08:22Bet you have to wake up early to present the breakfast news on telly.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25I do. Every weekday morning at 3 o'clock,
0:08:25 > 0:08:28- my alarm goes off and I jump out of bed.- A-woo?! That's well early.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32I'm still tucked up in my tiny little kennel at that time.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34You should record it the night before.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Hey, Carol, I love watching you on the telly
0:08:37 > 0:08:40but you never say hello to me when I pop into the garden.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43- I haven't seen you in the garden, Hacker.- I came in once
0:08:43 > 0:08:46and you just carried on talking. Have a look.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50..goes back about 12 hours to more or less the current time,
0:08:50 > 0:08:53you can see the cloud pushing across Scotland...
0:08:54 > 0:08:57I love a good fly in my helicopter of a morning.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Oh look, it's Carol.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Hello, Carol! It's me, Hacker!
0:09:03 > 0:09:06For the north-east of England, again we've got some low cloud...
0:09:06 > 0:09:08What are you doing, Carol?
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Do you want to come with me for a boiled egg? Carol!
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Then we have some sunshine...
0:09:13 > 0:09:15I'm enjoying the fine weather, Carol.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17A beautiful, sunny start to the day.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21A helicopter above me, obviously enjoying the fine weather.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Carol, can you hear me? I'll fly a bit closer.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26LOUD HELICOPTER
0:09:26 > 0:09:29We've got cloud here just now, but that will break...
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Carol, what are you doing? Carol!
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Don't ignore me!
0:09:33 > 0:09:35To the east coast of the country...
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Oh, bodges! She can't hear me.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Oh well, I'll go and see what Sue Barker's up to instead.
0:09:43 > 0:09:48- Ha-ha-ha!- Oh, that was you, Hacker. You're very bad. That was so loud.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- Did you like it?- No.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Now, there's something important
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- I've always wanted to know about the weather.- Yeah?
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Will it rain a week on Sunday?
0:09:57 > 0:09:59I've got to sand down a picnic table
0:09:59 > 0:10:01- before I paint it. - No, you'll be fine.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04OK. More questions for you.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07If it rains cats and dogs sometimes,
0:10:07 > 0:10:10has it ever rained beans and sausages?
0:10:10 > 0:10:13No, but it's rained frogs in real life.
0:10:13 > 0:10:18- Jam?- What about it? - Has it rained jam?- No!
0:10:18 > 0:10:22- Has it ever rained meat produce?- No.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24- Do you ever...?- No, no no!
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Hacker, these are really stupid questions.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30You've heard nothing. Listen. Do you ever make the weather up?
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Hope no-one notices?
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Never, ever. No.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39And do you have to do some training to become, er...? Oh, excuse me.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43Do you have to train to become...? Oh. Do you have to train...?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Will you stop it!
0:10:47 > 0:10:48Hey, Hacker.
0:10:48 > 0:10:53Come on, ask Carol some proper questions, like about the weather.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57- There's going to be a pour. - Oh, no, I don't have my brolly.
0:10:57 > 0:11:02- No, not a rain pour. A dog's paw!- What?!
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Ah! Oh! Ah, that's got them.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09So, do you have to, er...?
0:11:09 > 0:11:10Oh, I've forgotten the question.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14Probably something about the weather. Doesn't matter anyway.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Not important. Shall we look at some clips of weather people
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- getting it all wrong instead? - Yeah, go on.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24You might even be in this.
0:11:24 > 0:11:29Press that yellow button and things'll happen.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32And for most, it'll be fine... Oh, what is that there?
0:11:34 > 0:11:37What is that splodge? Is that somebody's head?
0:11:38 > 0:11:41SHE COUGHS
0:11:41 > 0:11:46- Oh, poor Louise! - That's not good, is it?
0:11:46 > 0:11:48- Now the weather with Carol. - There's our tea cosy!
0:11:48 > 0:11:52- Oh, Dermot!- My tea's getting cold. - That's it, Dermot.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Someone else said I look like a judge in a wig, so the hat's going now.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59With a look at the weather, here's Louise.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01It's not Louise, actually.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04She's having lunch, but I'll do it instead.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07A slight frost because of the wind.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11But despite the sunshine returning tomorrow, the showers will turn
0:12:11 > 0:12:14increasingly to sleet and snow. Back to you two.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16A quick look at the weather with Penny Trantor
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Oh, she's in a bit of a hurry there!
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Oh, the weather is not very good at the moment,
0:12:22 > 0:12:25as you can see here in Northern Ireland.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28My lips are numb, so hope you can understand me!
0:12:28 > 0:12:31- And slowing down... - Talking very, very slowly.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- Because Helen Young is late! - Helen is walking into the studio.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38Helen, what an elegant entry as you...
0:12:38 > 0:12:39Hello!
0:12:39 > 0:12:42As you spring gazelle-like onto your box.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45I nearly tripped over as well.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- Sorry about that. Are you waiting for me?- Yes.- We are, actually.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52For the last five minutes.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56A fine, dry and sunny start across... Oh, that shouldn't happen.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59She's taken it again. Look, she's back again.
0:12:59 > 0:13:04Listen to her. Go on, Suzanne. Take it away. Never mind!
0:13:04 > 0:13:07It's going to be dry and sunny in the south.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09isn't it, Suzanne? Just a second.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Cloud will increase from the west...
0:13:11 > 0:13:12HE BELCHES
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Ooh, a bit of wind coming in towards Northern Ireland.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21Ha-ha-ha! What a load of amateurs! Hey, Carol.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Are you having a lovely time?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Hacker, I am having the best time, thank you.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Well, it's getting serious now.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30I'm going to ask three quick-fire questions
0:13:30 > 0:13:34and I need you to give me three quick-fire answers.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- OK.- Spotlight please, Herman.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Right, Hacker.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41- Are you ready?- Yes.- Go!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- What's your favourite type of weather?- Sun.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48- Do me an impression of thunder. - Krrrg!
0:13:48 > 0:13:51If it didn't rain water, what else would you like it to rain?
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- Chocolate.- Ooh, stop!
0:13:53 > 0:13:54HORN BLARES
0:13:55 > 0:13:56Not bad, Carol. But what do you know?
0:13:56 > 0:13:59I went to ask the nation of Great Britainshire
0:13:59 > 0:14:02what they've got to say about weather.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Watch this.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Thank you.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10You all right? I'm here at this top secret location,
0:14:10 > 0:14:12somewhere in the world,
0:14:12 > 0:14:15to meet some top people who have some top answers
0:14:15 > 0:14:16to some top-notch questions.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19They're all very excited about meeting me,
0:14:19 > 0:14:21so let's head inside.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23WOMEN SCREAM
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Ooh! Ooh! They need to calm down a bit, that was outrageous.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Let's try somewhere else.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- Hello!- ALL: Hello!
0:14:33 > 0:14:37- Hello, everyone. You all OK?- ALL: Yes!
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Well, I'm going to ask you a few things now about weather.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44- Ooh, imagine that! What's your favourite weather?- Sun.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47The sun? What do you like about the sun?
0:14:47 > 0:14:49You can relax and play with your friends.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53- Can you do an impression of any weather?- Yes, I can do rain.- Go on.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- Let's listen.- Shhh!
0:14:55 > 0:14:59Now that was an impression of rain. Do it again.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Shhh!
0:15:02 > 0:15:05- Can you do any impressions of the weather?- Yeah.- What can you do?
0:15:05 > 0:15:07- Wind.- Go on then.- Fooo!
0:15:07 > 0:15:11- That's good. I can do wind. Do you want to see it?- Yeah.
0:15:11 > 0:15:12PARP!
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Ah! Better out than in.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17- Can you do an impression of thunder? - Woo!- Ah!
0:15:17 > 0:15:22- That's terrifying. Do it again?- Woo! - Ah! I can do it. Wah!
0:15:22 > 0:15:23Aah!
0:15:23 > 0:15:27- What's your favourite weather?? - My favourite weather is the sun.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30The sunshine? Can you do an impression of the sun?
0:15:30 > 0:15:34- Yes.- Go on. That's good. The sun's a proper dancer.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38I can do a sun impression. Watch this.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Yeah! Yeah!
0:15:41 > 0:15:45- Can you do an impression of fog?- No.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48See? I got him then. I can, watch.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Can't see where I'm going. It's as easy as that.
0:15:51 > 0:15:52If it didn't rain water,
0:15:52 > 0:15:56what would you like it to rain instead?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- Money.- Chocolate muffins.- Bogies!
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- Cats and dogs.- Watermelons. - Watermelons!
0:16:02 > 0:16:05They'd land on your head, you'd be knocked out. Wouldn't it?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08I'd like it if it rained milkshake. Wouldn't you?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10That would be good, wouldn't it?
0:16:11 > 0:16:13In conclusion,
0:16:13 > 0:16:17I have learned that this lot would like it to rain bogies,
0:16:17 > 0:16:22chocolate, cats and dogs, lions and watermelons instead of water.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Ha-ha! You lot are weird. See ya!
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Thank you.
0:16:27 > 0:16:32Thanks, Hacker. There's something I've always wanted to know, Carol.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- Yeah, what's that?- Those weather presenters
0:16:34 > 0:16:36look like right filthy beggars to me.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Who has the smelliest feet out of all of them?
0:16:39 > 0:16:42- I can't tell you that! - Ah, go on!
0:16:42 > 0:16:46- Well, all right. But you can't tell anyone else.- I promise.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50I think it probably is...
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Oh, look what I've found!
0:16:53 > 0:16:55'Push it, Hacker. Push it.
0:16:55 > 0:17:00'I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Pu-ush i-it!
0:17:00 > 0:17:03'And don't forget to wash your knick-knacks tonight.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07'You can't wear the same pair again. Now, push that button!
0:17:07 > 0:17:11- Go on, just push it.- Ah, go on then.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13SIREN WAILS
0:17:13 > 0:17:15THUNDER CLAP
0:17:19 > 0:17:23- Could have been worse, I suppose.- Ah!
0:17:23 > 0:17:27On second thoughts, maybe you shouldn't have pushed the button.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Ah!
0:17:33 > 0:17:37So, that's who's got the smelliest feet in the weather centre.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40You have to have lightning reactions not to approach her
0:17:40 > 0:17:42otherwise you get a nasty shock.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45I didn't give her a nasty shock! I didn't start the lightning!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48I've been sat here all along, I didn't pres any buttons!
0:17:48 > 0:17:51I'll appeal! You can't do this to me!
0:17:51 > 0:17:55- Hacker, what are you talking about? - The lightning, and the lady,
0:17:55 > 0:17:58and the button... Er, nothing. Nothing.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02Forget everything I said, especially the button thing. Ahem!
0:18:02 > 0:18:05- Right.- Now, where was I? Oh, yeah.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08- I've got some good news for you, Carol.- What's that?
0:18:08 > 0:18:12The show's not over yet. Derek, the menu.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Oh, yeah.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Still to come today, this.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19This.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22And this. What's he doing in there? Oh, heck!
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Put something else on Derek, quick!
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Here's some more howlers.
0:19:18 > 0:19:23- Oh, what LOLs! Ain't weather a lot of fun, Carol?- It is, Hacker.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26There's always something to talk about with the weather.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Yeah, and I like the computer graphics in the background.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33That's quite complicated, you know. I've got a green background.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37- And the image is projected onto that from a computer.- Nah, it looks easy.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40I've written a weather script for you to read out.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43I'll do all the computer graphics and that. It'll be a proper LOL!
0:19:43 > 0:19:47- Go over there to that green area, go on.- OK.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51- The words'll come up. Just read out whatever it says.- OK, got it.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55There'll be a cloudy start tomorrow morning across much of the UK
0:19:55 > 0:19:59before some strong south-westerly winds sweep in.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01PARP!
0:20:01 > 0:20:03You said wind!
0:20:03 > 0:20:07- We can expect some showers in Birmingham.- I prefer a bath, myself.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10By lunchtime, it's likely to be raining cats and...
0:20:10 > 0:20:13Ah! Hacker, catch!
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Heh... Ah! Carol!
0:20:15 > 0:20:18There'll be a large pair of fronts
0:20:18 > 0:20:21coming in from the east. Ah!
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Ha-ha-ha!
0:20:23 > 0:20:27By mid-afternoon, it will be hot, hot, hot.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Ooh, them three are gorgeous. Hey, Carol. Where's Wigan on your map?
0:20:30 > 0:20:34- It's not on there. That is a disgrace!- That's true, Hacker.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37But we can't put everywhere on the map. You can't please everyone.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40It's a disgrace. I'll see to this.
0:20:40 > 0:20:41HACKER TYPES
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Oh, beautiful! Respect, Wigan. Respect.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Now, make sure you leave it on there from now on.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50- Now get back over here! - I'm on my way.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- You've got to respect Wigan, Carol. - I love Wigan, Hacker.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Now, Carol, what is the weather in space like right now?
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Oh, I haven't a clue. We don't forecast for space.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Well, that's a shame.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06It would've been useful to know the space weather
0:21:06 > 0:21:10when me and Dodger were filming our hit series, Dogs In Space.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12- What's that, then?- "What's that?"
0:21:12 > 0:21:16"What is that?!" How dare you, Carol!
0:21:16 > 0:21:18It was a little bit like Doctor Who,
0:21:18 > 0:21:21but with more dogs and things on strings in it.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24It's a right old LOL. You've got to watch it.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31'Deep in the midst of space, two dogs have somehow
0:21:31 > 0:21:34'found themselves in charge of a rocket ship.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38'They're hard at work, discovering new planets and carrying out tests.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40'Well, they're supposed to be.'
0:21:40 > 0:21:43# Sandwiches are mainly bread
0:21:43 > 0:21:45# But you can put stuff in 'em
0:21:45 > 0:21:48# You can put meat products in 'em. #
0:21:48 > 0:21:50I'm well chuffed we blagged this rocket.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52You should've blagged fuel too.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55You didn't fill up the petrol tank again.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Oh, look, there's a petrol station out there. I'll go.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- I fancy stretching my legs. - No chance, you mooey.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03I'll take care of this.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14Oh, yes. I know this. Let me just get a look at me phrase book.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Here we go, "Can I have a pasty?" Right.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Blingo koroba buldebul?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Krem-krem reer derv?
0:22:22 > 0:22:26YELLS IN ALIEN LANGUAGE
0:22:26 > 0:22:30Go easy, tiger. I'll try the old fashioned way. A-hem.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Could we have a full tank of petrol, please?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36TRANSLATION
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Cheers.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Wonga, wonga.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Oh! Oh, bodges. I, er.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51I appear to have left my wallet at home.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54- Is there anyway we can work this out?- Hmm.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00I'm so glad we could work this out.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Got a full tank and an air freshener too.
0:23:02 > 0:23:07Isn't that right, me new bezzie mate? Me old chum, me old pal?
0:23:07 > 0:23:09SPEAKS ALIEN
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Yeah, you're right. It will be a LOL indeed.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13I wonder how Dodger's getting on?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15SPEAKS ALIEN
0:23:15 > 0:23:19Easy for you to say.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Oh, bodges!
0:23:22 > 0:23:27TRANSLATION:
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- Aren't I good at acting? - Hacker, you are brilliant.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46- Did you get an Oscar for that? - Only a matter of time, isn't it?
0:23:46 > 0:23:50- Hey, thanks for coming on my show today.- Oh, I have had a ball.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52- Thank you for having me. - Oh, my pleasure.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55You've been one of the better guests I've ever had on here.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57It was a hazy start,
0:23:57 > 0:24:00but then some strong LOLs occured in the east of the studio.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04A heavy outbreak of howlers in the middle of the programme.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Carol, your performance moved steadily
0:24:06 > 0:24:10with a north-easterly breeze, from good to very good.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13That's all for now. I'm back in half an hour.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17- Yeah, that was brilliant, Hacker! Well done.- Oh, thanks.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Now, I've got to get on now, but I've got a little treat for you.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23A fabulous Hacker Time dog bowl.
0:24:24 > 0:24:29'The Hacker Time dog bowl is the latest in doggy chic.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31'It can store food, store water, store...
0:24:31 > 0:24:33'Store...
0:24:33 > 0:24:37Well, mainly just food and water, really.
0:24:37 > 0:24:42And take that umbrella and that sunhat and those wellies with you.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44You don't want to get caught out by the weather.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48- With me? Is that it, then? - 'Fraid it is. Off you pop.
0:24:48 > 0:24:53- Oh!- Grab 'em all.- Oh, I thought I was staying for a bit longer.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55The door's over there, love.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57- Phone me.- Maybe.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00- Soon?- Well...- Miss you.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04- Bye.- Bye, mind your head!
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Oh, what a nice lady.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Now she's cleared off, I'm going to show you some of the best stuff
0:25:10 > 0:25:12I've see with my little tiny eyes.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14It's time for...
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Hacker's top three weather howlers.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23In at three, this weather lady's all in a tangle.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27A bit of a chilly night with a touch of ground frost in the north.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Oops! Erm, I'm trapped!
0:25:30 > 0:25:35But behind me is a weather system which is coming in during tomorrow.
0:25:35 > 0:25:36That looks set...
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Sorry, that looks set to bring us some rain,
0:25:39 > 0:25:41especially to western and northern areas.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43I will free myself at five to nine.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46What a palaver she found herself in!
0:25:48 > 0:25:51At two, when you're doing the weather,
0:25:51 > 0:25:54always remember to look where you're walking.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Hi, I'm Pete Fitzpatrick, giving you your weather today.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59As we go back to...
0:25:59 > 0:26:02'That'll smart! I bet he's trapped something there.'
0:26:05 > 0:26:08At number one, some of you might think the weather's boring.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Well, think again!
0:26:10 > 0:26:11It can never be boring
0:26:11 > 0:26:15with a dancing weatherman around.
0:26:15 > 0:26:20Here's Mickey, all right! Like this now. Hey, Mickey!
0:26:21 > 0:26:25Oh, yeah! Go, Mickey. Go, Mickey. Go, go, go!
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Go, Mickey. It's just like, it's just like.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Hey, Mickey. Go, Mickey.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32It's just like, it's just like
0:26:32 > 0:26:36- All right. - Don't hurt yourself, Mickey.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40Ha-ha-ha! Eh? Nice dancing, mister Oh, thanks for watching today.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43I would carry on but I've run out of stuff to say.
0:26:43 > 0:26:48Wasn't Carol Kirkwood good, though, with all her weather stuff and that?
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Hey, before I go, I've just got time to sing you
0:26:51 > 0:26:55a nice little song about what we've been up to today.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56Take it away, maestro.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Oh, that's me, isn't it?
0:27:03 > 0:27:05# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:27:05 > 0:27:07# I need the lav-lav, so I'm going to go
0:27:07 > 0:27:10# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:10 > 0:27:12# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time
0:27:12 > 0:27:15# We've had a LOL or two, watching some clips
0:27:15 > 0:27:17# I laughed so hard that I nearly was sick
0:27:17 > 0:27:19# I'll show you more funny stuff when I'm next on
0:27:19 > 0:27:22# Who needs other telly shows? Mine's the best one
0:27:22 > 0:27:27# Carol Kirkwood the weather girl, well she popped in and looked aghast
0:27:27 > 0:27:29# I sang a song, we had a LOL
0:27:29 > 0:27:32# And she looked silly doing my weather forecast
0:27:32 > 0:27:34# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:27:34 > 0:27:36# I need the lav-lav, so I'm going to go
0:27:36 > 0:27:39# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:39 > 0:27:41# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time
0:27:41 > 0:27:43# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time
0:27:43 > 0:27:47# And that is the end of today's Hacker Time. #
0:27:47 > 0:27:49E-mail: subtitling@bbc.co.uk