0:00:02 > 0:00:04You gotta watch this.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06HE FARTS
0:00:06 > 0:00:09You gotta watch this.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11You gotta watch this!
0:00:11 > 0:00:13My, my, my.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15# Programme hits you so hard
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Makes me say, oh, my word
0:00:18 > 0:00:19# Thank you for watching me
0:00:19 > 0:00:21# It's telly but not what you normally see
0:00:21 > 0:00:23# It feels good There's out-takes too
0:00:23 > 0:00:25# Comedy, guests and clips, it's true
0:00:25 > 0:00:27# So sit back, don't eat too much
0:00:27 > 0:00:29# This is the show you can't touch. #
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Stop! Hacker Time! Thank you.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Hello. I'm Hacker the dog and you're watching Hacker Time.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38It's my own show and everything.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Coming up today, we've got this...
0:00:41 > 0:00:43I've always wanted to do this.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45LAUGHTER
0:00:45 > 0:00:48This...
0:00:48 > 0:00:50And that...
0:00:50 > 0:00:54I can't wait! It's going to be a right old load of nonsense.
0:00:54 > 0:00:59And to celebrate I've got myself a brand new Hacker Time Sign. Aroo?!
0:00:59 > 0:01:04Herman, where's my new showbiz sign? Oh, I am livid!
0:01:04 > 0:01:07I demand you bring it in this instant. Useless!
0:01:07 > 0:01:11- I hope I'm not... Ah!- D'oh!
0:01:11 > 0:01:14What the...? What happened there? Who did that? I won't have it!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17I want someone gone for this! I demand answers!
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Derek, quick! Play some howlers while I sort meself out.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Ooh, me nonsense!
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Hey, Michelle. I've just finished making some origami pigeons
0:01:30 > 0:01:31which will be perfect prey
0:01:31 > 0:01:34- for our vicious falcon to be flying over.- Brilliant.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41That was a bit hard! I meant to go there.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Put it back in the river, Barry.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47'Scuse me, you've got the farmer. You're taking the farmer with you.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49- Keep going!- To me, to me, to me!
0:02:04 > 0:02:08Put my safety specs on. If you haven't got a nail-gun at home,
0:02:08 > 0:02:10you can easily drill...
0:02:13 > 0:02:17To be a criminal, you've got to act criminal. Now...
0:02:17 > 0:02:20It didn't come off!
0:02:20 > 0:02:23I can't get it off!
0:02:30 > 0:02:35Ha-ha-ha! Ain't it comical? Those lot are riddled with nonsense.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37More hilarious howlers later.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Now, what are we doing next? Let's have a look. Ah, here we go.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Chicken biryani, three apples,
0:02:43 > 0:02:46lots of sandwiches, a new pair of pants...
0:02:46 > 0:02:50Oh, bodge it. That's my shopping list. Where's me script gone?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Ah, here we go. It says,
0:02:52 > 0:02:54"Hacker introduces the guest."
0:02:54 > 0:02:58Derek, where's our guest? I look a right plum waiting here!
0:02:58 > 0:03:01- HE SNORES - Oh! Oh, sorry. Sorry, Hacker.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Yeah, he's here. He's coming.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Ha-ha-ha! He'll definitely fall for this.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08It's that Stefan off Gastronuts.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:03:13 > 0:03:16"Really weird food?" Fantastic!
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Maybe they've got some crocodile, or some walrus.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Or maybe some Brussels sprouts. They really are weird!
0:03:26 > 0:03:29'Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
0:03:29 > 0:03:32'today's special guest - Stefan Gates!'
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Special guest? I'm here for the Brussels sprouts.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- Oh, hello, Stefan.- Oh, hello, Hacker. What are you doing here?
0:03:41 > 0:03:44- Oh, well, er... - Where's all this weird food?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Oh, I tell you what. It's, er... It's been kidnapped!
0:03:47 > 0:03:49DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:03:49 > 0:03:51It's been kidnapped?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Er...yeah. A big angry owl swooped in and stole it all
0:03:54 > 0:03:57and put it in his large satchel he was carrying.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00It was one 'eck of a nonsense, Stefan. A most unsightly business.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03An owl? Yeah, that is a bit scary, isn't it?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Well, OK. No weird food. I'll be off, I'll see you later.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Whoa, whoa! Hang on, young gentleman.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11While you're here, you can be my very special guest
0:04:11 > 0:04:14on my tiny little tiny television programme.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15- You've got a television show?- I know.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19It's a terrible oversight by them. I don't know what's gone on there.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Tell you what. If you stay, I'll give you sweeties.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25You like food and that, don't you?
0:04:25 > 0:04:30- I suppose so. Well, seeing as it's you, all right, then.- Come on, then.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33What sort of sweets have you got, Hacks? I'm a big fan of cola bottles.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Oh, it's better than that. They're in there.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Oh. Flying saucers? - It's better than that.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Well, I like most sweets, to be frank.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45The only thing I really don't like is liquorice.
0:04:45 > 0:04:50- Oh, bodges!- That is literally the only taste on the planet
0:04:50 > 0:04:51I can't stand.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55I knew I shouldn't have trusted Dodger when he said you liked it.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58He read it off that internet encyclopaedia thing.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Oh, never mind, Stefan. It'll still be fun and that on my show.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04I've made a little fact file about you and everything.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- Press that thing and we'll see it. - This one?- Yeah.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Stefan Gates is a man. He likes food and that,
0:05:09 > 0:05:11but not normal things like biryani
0:05:11 > 0:05:15and sandwiches, oh, no!
0:05:15 > 0:05:19He eats stuff like this, eurgh! And that! And this green muck! Yuck!
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Nice eyebrows, though.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25He even once ate a walrus. What's wrong with you, man?
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Have yourself a cupcake or summat!
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Anyway, here's Stefan Thingie.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Walrus?! What was that all about?
0:05:33 > 0:05:37They genuinely love eating walrus up in Northern Canada, and it's rotten.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39It certainly is, it looks vile.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43- Stefan, you think you're a good cook?- Yeah, I'm pretty good.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Then how do you explain this monstrosity?
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Er...that's mopane worms.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54They're massive and they eat them a lot in South Africa.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Filth, more like it. I wouldn't give that muck to a dog... Oh.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Anyway, watch and observe
0:05:59 > 0:06:02because I'm going to make cooking betterer.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Welcome to the Betterer Arena.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08Today I'm going to show you
0:06:08 > 0:06:12how to become a betterer cook in a few easy steps.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Cookery takes a lot of effort,
0:06:18 > 0:06:23so my first rule is - always get someone else to do it for you.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25- In you come, Mrs Crabfussy. - Oh, Hacker.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29You really ought to cook for yourself, you know.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33Pipe down, you. You know the motto, don't you?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- Hungry Hacker ain't a happy Hacker. - And what am I now?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- Not happy?- Correct.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Now get cooking, Crabfussy.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45Not the flour. It's the eggs first. Put the eggs in first.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Hacker is a very busy dog,
0:06:49 > 0:06:53so it's important not to waste time making food.
0:06:53 > 0:06:58Mrs Crabfussy, could you move that cake please for a minute?
0:06:58 > 0:07:02- Excuse me, have you got the time? - Why, certainly. It's approx...
0:07:02 > 0:07:03SPLAT!
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Oh! That took me hours to make!
0:07:05 > 0:07:09See? That was a waste of time. You could have just...
0:07:12 > 0:07:15..bought the cake in. Ah, lovely sponges.
0:07:20 > 0:07:25- No-one wants to waste hours eating a three-course meal.- Don't they?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27- I quite like to cook. - No, no. In and out, I say.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29More time for sniffing trees and that.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Now, put that thing in that other thing there.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36- My nice prawn cocktail starter? In the mixer?!- Put it in.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Yep. That's it.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Now that, and that muck there. Put it in.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Now just zap it.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54How appealing. Bring it over.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00I feel a bit bilious.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Bleurgh!
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Oh! For more of my recipes,
0:08:06 > 0:08:12go to www.bleurgh.com
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Oh, yeah, I think I must have had
0:08:14 > 0:08:16one of those 24-hour bug things there.
0:08:16 > 0:08:21Nothing to do with that filthy foodshake thing you made?
0:08:21 > 0:08:25Oh, no. That was perfectly fine, that. Anyway, Stefan,
0:08:25 > 0:08:28tell me about your Gastronuts show.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32- Is it good doing all that weird stuff with food?- Oh, it's brilliant.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34It's about turning food into an adventure.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37We get to play with our food all day. We do things like blow cereals up.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Oh, yeah! I love that one! But I do have a bone to pick with you.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45You and your Gastronuts caused me a right spot of bother one time.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46Really? I don't remember that.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Yeah, you were trying to cook scrambled egg in a tumble dryer
0:08:50 > 0:08:53for some strange reason, and look what occurred.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57The salmon, vegetables and scrambled egg have been in for an hour.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58But will they be ready to eat?
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- Oi, look. It's spit all over the thing.- Well, yeah.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Looks a bit of a mess, doesn't it?
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- Eurgh, that looks gooey. - Boiled puke.- Boiled puke?
0:09:08 > 0:09:12Yeah, that's made a real mess of that. We'll stash it over here.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15There we are, the cycle's come to a natural end.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18I'll just get me nick-nacks out. Get these out of there.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Oh, look! There's egg all over me nick-nacks!
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Stefan! I hold you personally responsible for this.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29These are ruined. I can't wear them, they're covered in egg!
0:09:29 > 0:09:32So what have you got to say for yourself?
0:09:32 > 0:09:36I don't remember you being there, but if that was your tumble dryer,
0:09:36 > 0:09:40I'm sorry. You shouldn't put food in a tumble dryer anyway.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42It's not a good idea, is it?
0:09:42 > 0:09:47Since you're here, I want to ask you some serious questions about food,
0:09:47 > 0:09:48like a proper presenter.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52- Oh, at last. Go for it. - What's the biggest food?
0:09:52 > 0:09:56The biggest food? Er...a big pumpkin? I don't know.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00Do some of them foods that you eat make you feel bilious?
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Not me, but I've made quite a few people sick in the past.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Yes, you have. What's your favourite blue food?
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Favourite blue food? Er... You get blue potatoes.
0:10:09 > 0:10:14- I suppose They're pretty good. - Do you like fluids or yeasts better?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16You're not making sense now, Hacks.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20What's you favourite food that you've ever...? Oh. What's your...?
0:10:20 > 0:10:24Oh, sorry. What's your favourite...? Oh, stop it. Stop scratching!
0:10:25 > 0:10:29Hacker, stop wasting Stefan's time with your stupid questions.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33- Hey, what's for dinner tonight?- I don't know. What do you want?- Duck!
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- No, no, no. I hate duck. - No, not duck. Duck!- What? Ah!
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Blooming fleas! Oh, that's got it.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44Right, what was I on about? What's the biggest...
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Oh, it wasn't that. It's gone, Stefan.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Shall we just watch some below par cookery?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53- Yeah, why not?- Pull that lever.
0:10:56 > 0:10:5830 seconds.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Well, let's get... Ah!
0:11:01 > 0:11:03LAUGHTER
0:11:03 > 0:11:06I forgot that was out of the oven.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Oh, dear me!
0:11:08 > 0:11:11This is the best bit about pancake day.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14DRUM ROLL Let's have a nice flip.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17That's probably best left on the floor.
0:11:17 > 0:11:22Put the butter, followed by caster sugar -
0:11:22 > 0:11:24the whole of the quantity of caster sugar -
0:11:24 > 0:11:28followed by brown sugar.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Make sure it's sugar, for goodness sake.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36Can we stop for a second? I've just put salt in.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37LAUGHTER
0:11:40 > 0:11:42It won't win an award for presentation,
0:11:42 > 0:11:44but I think it's ready for the oven.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- Si?- Si.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49I've always wanted to do this.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55I can't believe what I've just done.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01HACKER LAUGHS
0:12:01 > 0:12:04They're all fair to middling about cooking at best, that lot,
0:12:04 > 0:12:06- aren't they? - HACKER LAUGHS
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Hacker, are we going to get round to some cooking?
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Are we going to rustle up some ostrich stew or buffalo broth?
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Oh, you wouldn't get me eating that muck, Stefan.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16But if we are going to cook,
0:12:16 > 0:12:19then I need to make sure you're as good as me.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22I have written five food books, mate.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26Don't show off. I've put together a taste test for you.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29- Do you understand?- Yeah, I think so.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33All right. Put that blindfold on. Put it over your eyes.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Heh-heh-heh(!)
0:12:35 > 0:12:40- It's a bit daft.- Oh, OK. - Is it upon you?- Yeah, it is.- Right.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Now, if you can reach down there, there's a silver thing.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45That's it. Pull the lid off.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Place it down.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51Now get in that. Reach in, grasp some of that.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Not that, that's the sign.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58That bit. That's it. Put it in your face.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59Eat it.
0:12:59 > 0:13:05- What is it?- Bamboo shoots? - Take your blindfold off.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07It's cactus!
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- It is cactus!- Yeah, it's cactus. - It's quite sour.- Do you like it?
0:13:10 > 0:13:14- Yeah, I like it a lot, actually. - Do you like that a lot?- Yeah.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18Put your blindfold back on because I've got more fun and games for you.
0:13:18 > 0:13:19- Is it going to get better?- Well...
0:13:19 > 0:13:24Remove the lid of number two. That's it.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Place it in that area.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29That's very good that. Now reach in there.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34Not that. Grasp one of them things.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Now put it in your face -
0:13:37 > 0:13:40your mouth! And eat it up.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42- Mmm.- What is it?
0:13:42 > 0:13:45- Chocolatey on the outside, strangely crunchy on the inside.- Yeah.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Eat more of it.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- Mmm.- What is it?
0:13:50 > 0:13:56- Is it... Is it an insect? - It is, I think.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- What is it?- Have a look. Take your eye thing off.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03- Why, it's chocolate covered scorpion!- Yes! I love 'em!- Yay!
0:14:03 > 0:14:06I'll have more of that. I'm very happy with that.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- They're quite expensive. Put your eye thing back on.- OK.
0:14:10 > 0:14:15Now get over here, right, and remove lid number three.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16Now, as a treat for you,
0:14:16 > 0:14:20Stefan, I've prepped you a spoon there cos it's got a liquid quality.
0:14:20 > 0:14:25- So if you could reach for the spoon. There it is.- Yes.- Get a bit of that.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29- There's some on it.- It's a strangely warm and moist spoon.
0:14:29 > 0:14:34Put it in your face! Mouth, I mean!
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Graze on that now. What is it?
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Dog food?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Well, you'll be amazed.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44- Take your eye thing off cos it is either dog food or beef stew.- Oh!
0:14:44 > 0:14:48I can't remember. I mixed up my tins. Never mind. That's the end.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52- Well done, you.- Thank you. - Did you like it?- No.- He loved it!
0:14:52 > 0:14:56Now I'm going to see how some genuine children got on.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58See you in a bit!
0:15:01 > 0:15:05The kids at this place reckon they're all food experts,
0:15:05 > 0:15:07so I've done a little test for them.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10I've made some sandwiches with horrible fillings
0:15:10 > 0:15:12and they have to taste them with blindfolds on
0:15:12 > 0:15:14and tell me what's in them.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17I will now inform you of said fillings.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20This one is beans and banana, ugh!
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Cheese and chocolate. Yuk!
0:15:23 > 0:15:26And that one is jam and ham. Urgh!
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Let's see how they get on.
0:15:28 > 0:15:33Here we have some lovely people now who will taste test the sandwiches.
0:15:33 > 0:15:38First is you. Pick up your sandwich and give it a nice, big bite.
0:15:41 > 0:15:46- Oh, that's manky! - Manky but what's in it?
0:15:46 > 0:15:49- I've no idea.- You don't know. Have a guess.- It's like jam and cheese.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53All right. Take off your mask. I'll tell you what it is.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- It's cheese and chocolate. - Oh! I got cheese right.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00- Yeah, you did well then. Well done, you!- Thank you.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04Have a nice big bite of it and we'll see what's in it.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Give it a big old chew.
0:16:07 > 0:16:12- Now, can you guess what's in that sandwich?- Jam.- And what else?- Ham.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Jam and ham! Take your blindfold off.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18It is jam and ham. Well done, you!
0:16:18 > 0:16:23- Reach down there and grab your sandwich. Have you got it?- Yep.
0:16:23 > 0:16:28Take a nice big bite of it. Yum, yum, yum.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32- What do you think it is? - Ugh! Banana.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- Banana and...? - I don't know.- Don't know?
0:16:35 > 0:16:39- Want me to tell you?- Yes. - Take off your blindfold.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43- It's banana and beans!- Ugh!- Ugh!
0:16:43 > 0:16:46- Urgh!- Yep, it's banana and bleurgh!
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Banana and blugh! Banana and beans!
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Well done! The right answer!
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Look at all this mess!
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Well, at least we've learned that taste tests
0:16:56 > 0:16:59are an invaluable way to taste and test things.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01See you later.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03- CRASH! - Thank you.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Ooh, look! A button!
0:17:08 > 0:17:12That button looks like it could do with a little press, doesn't it?
0:17:12 > 0:17:15But it says, "Do not push."
0:17:19 > 0:17:21But there's limited witnesses,
0:17:21 > 0:17:23so I'll have a little press of the button.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Nothing happened then. Rubbish.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Is it wired in? Try it again.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Nothing! This is a rubbish button, this!
0:17:37 > 0:17:41Come on, do something!
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Ugh!
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Oh, that must be broken. Never mind.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Yah!
0:17:59 > 0:18:00Oh!
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Nothing! Piece of tat!
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- You all right, Stefan? I've got some good news.- Oh, what's that?
0:18:08 > 0:18:11- It's not the end of the show yet. - Oh.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Still to come today we've got this...
0:18:16 > 0:18:18This...
0:18:18 > 0:18:22And this. What? Who are they? They're not in it!
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Quick, Derek, grab some more howlers.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27- How about that for a bag? - It's beautiful.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- The combinations there are lovely. - Lovely.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- There's almost too much there. It's fantastic.- I know.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37Great bistro bag and we've got another lovely...person.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39I nearly said, "Lovely bag to come on!"
0:18:39 > 0:18:43You'd be in trouble with the wife!
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- Oh, there's a cucumber in the bottom here.- Ains?- Yeah.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Your new hairpiece.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:53 > 0:18:54PHILIP LAUGHS
0:18:54 > 0:18:56What's happened?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58My ring's come off!
0:19:00 > 0:19:02- And there it is!- Ten, nine, eight...
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Black pepper! Black pepper!
0:19:04 > 0:19:09Seven, six, five, four, three,
0:19:09 > 0:19:12two, one, stop cooking!
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Oh, hey, what are they like?!
0:19:19 > 0:19:24They're not as good at cooking as me and you, are they, Stefan, eh?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Well, not as good as me, maybe, but, you know,
0:19:27 > 0:19:29I've written five cookery books.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32I've presented hundreds of hours of food TV.
0:19:32 > 0:19:37- You, are you really that good a cook? - Me? Stefan, I am an expert.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Come on, I'll show you. We can make a nice cake if you get over here.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42- Oh, here we go.- Put your pinny on.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45- Yep.- Oh, yes, it's a Blue Peter pinny.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48I borrowed it, using my contacts and that.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50I have got an old recipe here,
0:19:50 > 0:19:52handed down through generations of the T Dog family.
0:19:52 > 0:19:57- All the stuff you need is here. Are you ready?- Ready as I'll ever be.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Yeah, all right. "Step One. Put some sugar in a cake tin."
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Add three eggs.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11- Yeah, add three eggs. - What are you doing, man?
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Put them all in, the shells as well. That's the best bit.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18I know you like weird, crazy food, but no shells? That's just madness.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22That's it. Now...add flour.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24- OK.- Hey, what's going on?
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Well, you said add flour.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29I know, what's this white muck? THAT'S a flower.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- That?- Yeah, get it in. - But you shouldn't put...
0:20:32 > 0:20:36Just do it, come on. Can't get the staff these days, can you? Is it in?
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Right, step four. Add a pear...
0:20:41 > 0:20:45..of apples. Note - do not substitute with pears.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49The T Dog family are allergic to pears, did you get that?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51- Yeah.- Good.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54I'd be riddled if I ate a pear. Right, that's it.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Stir it all up and put it in the oven.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- Are you sure this is ready?- Yeah.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04This recipe has never failed, it makes a lovely, tasty cake. Yeah.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07That's it, put it in there.
0:21:07 > 0:21:12- Borrowed the oven from Blue Peter. - Yeah...- Keep that to yourselves.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Now, we make polite conversation while it cooks.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20So where are you going on your holidays this year?
0:21:20 > 0:21:24- Somewhere warm, somewhere with a bit of sand and beach.- Sounds exciting.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- Can I come?- Yeah, of course.- What a lovely man.- If you clean up a bit.
0:21:27 > 0:21:28I'm going to go to Wigan
0:21:28 > 0:21:31cos we've just got a nice, new shopping centre...
0:21:31 > 0:21:34- OVEN BEEPS - Oh, it's done. Get it out the oven.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36HE GIGGLES WITH EXCITEMENT
0:21:36 > 0:21:40Where you want me to throw away this rubbish cake, Hacker?
0:21:40 > 0:21:44- Be quiet, Herman, and go away.- What was that about some rubbish old cake?
0:21:44 > 0:21:49Nothing, I didn't swap cakes or anything. Um...moving on.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Let's watch some nonsense that me and my half-brother, Dodge
0:21:52 > 0:21:54got up to t'other weekend.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57It's got some dogs in it, right? And it's set in space.
0:21:57 > 0:22:02- What's it called? - Dogs In Space, you mooey. Run it.
0:22:02 > 0:22:03Yes, Hacker. Here we go.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15'Deep in the midst of space, two dogs have somehow
0:22:15 > 0:22:17'found themselves in charge of a rocket ship.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20'Unfortunately, they've not got a clue what they're doing.'
0:22:20 > 0:22:24Oh, press something! Fire the parachute, lower the anchor!
0:22:24 > 0:22:28Aha! I've found the rocket master plug, I'll whack it with a hammer.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32- No!- D'oh!
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Tell me you didn't break the power supply.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Er...no. Dodge did.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41It's just lucky you're about to crash-land into...
0:22:41 > 0:22:46- the planet Electron. - It's not luck, it's skill.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50Find the robot alien leader, Plugtaro,
0:22:50 > 0:22:53and ask him to give the engines a jump-start.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Right, t'rific. So find a leccy shop and buy a plug, got it.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08BOTH GASP
0:23:14 > 0:23:19Hold up, young Dodge. Cables, a plug? You know what to do.
0:23:19 > 0:23:20Ha-ha!
0:23:20 > 0:23:22- PLUGTARO:- Oh, bodges!
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Nothing to see here.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Come on, Dodge. I'm gasping for a brew.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Switching main power on now.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37- Aha, yeah.- Huh?
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Get some cream on it, it will drop off... Oh!
0:23:40 > 0:23:46- Fantastic, you found Plugtaro and got the jump-start.- No, er...
0:23:46 > 0:23:52- No aliens to be seen, just picked up a big, shiny plug.- A plug?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54HE SIGHS
0:24:00 > 0:24:020h, bodges.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Hit it, Dodge!
0:24:04 > 0:24:08'And off they go to continue their voyage,
0:24:08 > 0:24:11'but there'll be back to make another complete hash of it
0:24:11 > 0:24:15'again soon when we return to Dogs In Space.'
0:24:15 > 0:24:18I'll tell you what, I am a brilliant actor, aren't I?
0:24:18 > 0:24:21I surprise myself sometimes.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Well, thank you, Stefan, for being a guest on my show today.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28You're one of the best food-themed guests we've ever had on here.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30- How many food-themed guests have you had?- No others.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33- Oh.- I tell you what, though,
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- I've got a present here to thank you for coming on.- Oh, yeah?
0:24:36 > 0:24:39It's a dog bowl, have a look at this.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43The Hacker Time dog bowl is the latest in doggy chic.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47It can store food, store water, store...
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Well, mainly just food and water, really.
0:24:52 > 0:24:57- What do you think?- I don't mean to seem ungrateful but that's rubbish.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Well, that's not all I've got you, I've got you a doggy bag.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Fantastic, so a bag full of leftovers?
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Something weird I can cook up at home?
0:25:05 > 0:25:08No. Food? What are you talking about, man? I said a doggy bag.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11- Here you go. - HE GRUNTS
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Oh.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18That's one of the best dog-themed presents I've ever been given.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Thanks very much. Stefan, you can pop back any time.
0:25:21 > 0:25:26- But not for a bit, eh? I've got to get on. Bye!- That's it, is it?
0:25:26 > 0:25:30Off you pop, see you later. Don't forget your apparatus.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Right, now he's cleared off, let's take a look
0:25:36 > 0:25:40at some of my favourite food LOLs from across the world.
0:25:40 > 0:25:41This is...
0:25:46 > 0:25:49In at three, we all know that dogs are dead clever
0:25:49 > 0:25:54and cats are dead stupid. Except this one - he eats food with a fork.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Look! It's chaos.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Look at him, he's got a fork!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06I can't believe that, eh?
0:26:08 > 0:26:11My second favourite food howler is all about eggs.
0:26:11 > 0:26:15Now, I like eating them but think how they must feel about that.
0:26:15 > 0:26:19HIGH-PITCHED VOICES Whoa, where are they taking Steve?
0:26:19 > 0:26:23- What's she doing? - Where's Steve going?- Wha...?
0:26:25 > 0:26:28SCREAMING
0:26:28 > 0:26:32Ha-ha! Them poor eggs, what are they like?
0:26:34 > 0:26:37My favourite food howler of the day features animals,
0:26:37 > 0:26:41it features food and it features a silly song.
0:26:41 > 0:26:42What more could you want?
0:26:42 > 0:26:46# Num num num num num num num Num num num num num num num num
0:26:46 > 0:26:50# Num num num num num num num Num num num num num num num
0:26:50 > 0:26:54# Num num num num num num num Num num num num num num num num
0:26:54 > 0:26:58# Num num num num num num num Num num num num num num num
0:26:58 > 0:27:00RHYTHM KICKS IN # Num num num num num num num
0:27:00 > 0:27:03# Num num num num num num num num # Num num num num num num num
0:27:03 > 0:27:05# Num num num num num num num. #
0:27:05 > 0:27:06Ha-ha!
0:27:06 > 0:27:10That lot have got me feeling hungry. Time for me to go, I think.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Thanks for getting amongst today's episode of Hacker Time
0:27:13 > 0:27:15and thanks to Stefan Gates for telling us all about food,
0:27:15 > 0:27:19even if he's not as good at cooking as I am. Hee-hee!
0:27:19 > 0:27:23I'll leave you today with a song. See you next time.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29# That is it for now The end of the show
0:27:29 > 0:27:31# I need the lav-lav So I'm going to go
0:27:31 > 0:27:33# I'll see you next time On this show of mine
0:27:33 > 0:27:36# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time
0:27:36 > 0:27:38# We've had a LOL or two Watching some clips
0:27:38 > 0:27:41# I laughed so hard That I nearly was sick
0:27:41 > 0:27:43# I'll show you more funny stuff when I'm next on
0:27:43 > 0:27:45# Who needs other telly shows? Mine's the best one
0:27:45 > 0:27:50# I did some cooking with Stefan Gates, the bloke from Gastronuts
0:27:50 > 0:27:54# I got him tasting some crazy food It was all too much for me
0:27:54 > 0:27:55# And I feel bilious
0:27:55 > 0:27:57# That is it for now The end of the show
0:27:57 > 0:28:00# I need the lav-lav So I'm going to go
0:28:00 > 0:28:02# I'll see you next time On this show of mine
0:28:02 > 0:28:05# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time
0:28:05 > 0:28:07# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time
0:28:07 > 0:28:10# That is the end Of today's Hacker Time! #