0:00:01 > 0:00:04You got to watch this.
0:00:06 > 0:00:07You got to watch this.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11You got to watch this!
0:00:12 > 0:00:15My, my, my, my programme hits you so hard.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17Makes me say, "oh, my word".
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Thank you for watching me.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21It's telly but not what you normally see.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23It feels good, there's outtakes too.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Comedy gets eclipsed, it's true
0:00:25 > 0:00:29Sit back, don't move too much. This is the show you can't touch.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Hacker Time.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Thank you.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Hello! Welcome to Hacker Time.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38We're going to have a great show today.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39Coming up later...
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on here?
0:00:42 > 0:00:45This isn't the Hacker Time studio. It's the CBeebies house!
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Alex?! What are you on about? I am a professional.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51I would not walk in to the wrong stu...studio.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Yeah. Hacks, if you're here,
0:00:56 > 0:01:00who's presenting in the Hacker Time studio?
0:01:00 > 0:01:01Oooh, heck!
0:01:03 > 0:01:06I'm Andy and this is Hacker Time.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Can you tell the time?
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- The long hand goes to the top. - Oi! Andy! Hop it!
0:01:12 > 0:01:14This is my show! Get out.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18- Hi, Hacker. I thought I could help you out.- Andrew, come here, please.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Come down here.
0:01:21 > 0:01:27This is my show, now get out! You're not welcome here. Leave!
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Leave my show now!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Go on and stop dawdling.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Pull the door and shut it after you. It's draughty in here. Go on!
0:01:34 > 0:01:38The cheek of the man! Sorry, viewers, back to business!
0:01:38 > 0:01:41This is Hacker Time. Coming up today...
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Minging mould...
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Good day, Naomi.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48..dazzling dancing...
0:01:50 > 0:01:52..and bathroom banter.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53I love a good poo!
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Today's programme is all about animals.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02So I've booked a deadly good guest to help me out.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06And if I'm not mistaken, she must be about to arrive,
0:02:06 > 0:02:08entirely willingly, of course!
0:02:08 > 0:02:13- Wilf, Herman, get her! - Yes, Mr Hacker.
0:02:13 > 0:02:14I'll fire up the van.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28- Stay there, love! Off you go, Wilf!- Off we go.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Excuse me, where are you taking me?
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Reverse it.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40Please welcome today's special guest, Naomi Wilkinson!
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Hacker! Why did you get your work experience boy to capture me
0:02:43 > 0:02:45and chuck me in a van?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Because you're my guest today. Yay!
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Why didn't you just ask? I'd have happily got the bus.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55Ask? Really? People don't normally want to appear on my show.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Extraordinary! All right then, Naomi.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Today's programme is going to be all about animals.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Sounds good to me!
0:03:03 > 0:03:05First, for anyone not familiar with your work,
0:03:05 > 0:03:09let's have a gander at a bit more information?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13- Why ever not!- You'll see why not! Pull the red lever!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18Naomi Wilkinson does presenting on the telly.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22She does shows like All Over The Place and Marrying Mum And Dad,
0:03:22 > 0:03:25but is most famous for hosting Live And Deadly
0:03:25 > 0:03:27with her best friend, Steve Backshall.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Animals, animals, animals, blah, blah, blah.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32I'm big and strong.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34- Oh, shut up, Steve.- Sorry.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38Naomi loves animals. Here she is having a chit chat with a rodent
0:03:38 > 0:03:42and here she is being shunned by that owl.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Owl-rude! Well, apart from that owl, she's very popular.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48So much so, she has her own album.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51In her space time, Naomi likes to dress as a medieval boy
0:03:51 > 0:03:55and likes to wear orange and hang out with the other CBBC presenters
0:03:55 > 0:03:59but Naomi doesn't like it if anyone turns up wearing yellow.
0:03:59 > 0:04:04It makes her do unspeakable things. Oh, Johnny, no!
0:04:04 > 0:04:08When she's not on the telly, she works in the CBBC canteen.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Good old Naomi, eh? At least she's never scared.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Oh, heck, it's Naomi Wilkinson.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Very good, that, and all definitely true.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21- What do you think, Naomi? - It's nearly right, yes.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- Naomi Wilkinson, off of the telly.- Yes.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28You know things about animals, so I am going to interview you.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- Are you ready?- I am ready. - What is more deadly?
0:04:31 > 0:04:35A massive lion or Steve Backshall in the morning?
0:04:35 > 0:04:39Steve Backshall in the morning, definitely. Easy that one.
0:04:39 > 0:04:44- You are a human being who looks at animals for a living.- Yes.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Bit weird that.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48How would you feel if animals sat here looking at you all the time?
0:04:48 > 0:04:52I'll just get my binoculars.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54There's Naomi Wilkinson,
0:04:54 > 0:05:01sat there with her peach coloured leggings on and ill-fitting top.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05Look at her lovely hair. Thinning hair.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Yes, Naomi Wilkinson in all her glory.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- Right.- And you wonder why people don't come on this show.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I beg your pardon, madam!
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Next question. In my opinion,
0:05:17 > 0:05:20some of your animals aren't deadly enough,
0:05:20 > 0:05:22so I have created a new deadly animal.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24It happened by accident, actually
0:05:24 > 0:05:27cos I left some old cheese in the fridge for a bit too long
0:05:27 > 0:05:29and it grew. Oh, it grew!
0:05:29 > 0:05:32It was ever so nasty! Go and have a look, though.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36But be careful. Ooh, it is deadly.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39I can barely watch what's going to happen in the next few moments.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Oh - urgh!
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Good day to you, Naomi.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47What a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50- Yeah, hello.- My name is Algernon
0:05:50 > 0:05:54and I'm a terribly deadly creature, my dear. Get this -
0:05:54 > 0:05:58I once accidentally knocked a small yoghurt onto the floor
0:05:58 > 0:05:59and didn't clean it up.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Oh, so deadly!
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Anyway, my darling, I must away!
0:06:04 > 0:06:05Ta-ta!
0:06:05 > 0:06:10- Bye.- Be a dear, shut the door, love.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12What the budgies? How did that happen?
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Oh! Forget that, Naomi.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18We're going to take a few questions now from viewers at home.
0:06:18 > 0:06:23Get the phone, put the antenna up and Bob's your uncle.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Who's on line one?
0:06:25 > 0:06:26'Hello, Hacker?'
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Yeah, it's me, Steve Backshall, here.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32I heard you were doing a wildlife-themed programme today.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34I'm absolutely all ready to go.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Ah. There is a problem there.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40I'm going in a slightly different direction this series, Steve.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Oh. And what direction is that?
0:06:43 > 0:06:44The opposite direction from you!
0:06:47 > 0:06:48SHE'S there, isn't she?
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Yes.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53DIAL TONE
0:06:53 > 0:06:55What a strange man.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Anyroad, Naomi Wilkinson! I love watching Live 'n' Deadly.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- Oh, good.- You always say such
0:07:01 > 0:07:04definitely factually accurate information. LOOOOK!
0:07:06 > 0:07:08MUSIC: "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Know what? Us humans, we think we've got this whole musical thing sorted.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14We think we've got the best rhythms, best beats,
0:07:14 > 0:07:18best rhymes, but actually, when you take a look around the natural world,
0:07:18 > 0:07:20some animals could easily give us a run for our money
0:07:20 > 0:07:22and they definitely got there first.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25MUSIC: "The Birdie Song"
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Some would say that went on a little too long, but I disagree.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Next on Hacker Time,
0:07:44 > 0:07:48I'm going to give a short lecture about my favourite months.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51You see, I like March, but I also like September.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Although I do also quite like...
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Hacker! There's no time for that now. It's time for my bit!
0:07:56 > 0:07:58- Your bit?- Ho-ho, yes!
0:07:58 > 0:08:03I'm ready with another brilliant instalment of Derek Time!
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Oh, not this again. Derek, I've told you before!
0:08:06 > 0:08:10It's MY show! You're the hired help. You're not allowed your own section!
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Well, all right, then.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16- Good!- I guess I'll have to show the viewers at home...
0:08:16 > 0:08:17the photograph.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:08:22 > 0:08:26Not the... Not the photograph!
0:08:26 > 0:08:29DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:08:29 > 0:08:30All right, stop that.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34On second thoughts, I'm sure I can spare you a couple of minutes.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Take it away...Derek.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Ho-ho! It's Derek Time.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Hee-hee!
0:08:43 > 0:08:44Hello, folks.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48On today's animal-themed Derek Time, we haven't got time
0:08:48 > 0:08:51to show you a crow training for the Winter Olympics...
0:08:51 > 0:08:53MUSIC: "Ski Sunday" theme
0:08:55 > 0:08:58..or the cat that plans world domination...
0:08:58 > 0:09:01SCARY MUSIC
0:09:01 > 0:09:05..but we have got time to show you today's top clip. Ho-ho!
0:09:07 > 0:09:09What's he doing?
0:09:10 > 0:09:14He's scratching his itchy bot-bot on the telly.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Hoo-hoo! Has he got no shame?
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Urgh...oh!
0:09:20 > 0:09:21Oh, don't mind me.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23That's all for now.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26I'm off for a cup of gravy and a bag of raw shallots.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29See you later, Derek fans! Ho-ho!
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Now, left a bit. Come on.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Oh, yes. Hoo-hoo!
0:09:33 > 0:09:37I want him gone before the next episode. I'm furious with him!
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Oh, hello again.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43Thanks to Derek for that brilliant section of the programme.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46I can't wait till next time. Right, where was I?
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Tapestry, flooring, anim...animals! Yeah, that was it! Ahem.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51What's your favourite animal?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Uh, I love...
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Oh, Naomi, no! Don't talk to me about love!
0:09:58 > 0:10:03- Why not?- I've been wronged by the love of an animal, Naomi.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Oh, I'm sorry, Hacker. Let's move on, shall we?
0:10:06 > 0:10:10I was a mere puppy and she broke my heart.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12I don't like to talk about it.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13But I will...
0:10:13 > 0:10:15I will SING about it!
0:10:15 > 0:10:20Here's my ode to the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Ahem.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26# I saw her in a library
0:10:26 > 0:10:31# Browsing all the shelves
0:10:31 > 0:10:34# Her engrossed in fiction
0:10:34 > 0:10:39# And me cross-referencing shells
0:10:39 > 0:10:43# She had a certain summat
0:10:43 > 0:10:47# Oh, that was clear to see
0:10:47 > 0:10:51# I rushed past Law and Language
0:10:51 > 0:10:56# And the rest is History
0:10:56 > 0:11:00# Her name was Barbara
0:11:00 > 0:11:04# And never have I seen
0:11:04 > 0:11:08# A more amazing specimen
0:11:08 > 0:11:12# Apart from...well, Andrea McLean
0:11:12 > 0:11:16# I dreamt that Babs and I
0:11:16 > 0:11:20# Would never be apart
0:11:20 > 0:11:25# We'd buy a two-bed terraced house
0:11:25 > 0:11:29# With good access to schools and parks
0:11:29 > 0:11:32# But Barbara and I
0:11:32 > 0:11:37# It was not meant to be
0:11:37 > 0:11:42# Whilst she looked a treat, she smelt like death
0:11:42 > 0:11:45# Because she was a skunk, you see. #
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Oh, phwoo!
0:11:47 > 0:11:56# Oh, Barbara, it is such a shame that you're a skunk! #
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Cos I've got a sensitive nose. It would never work, love!
0:11:59 > 0:12:03- Did you like my song?- It was lovely. It was very romantic - till the end.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05- Thanks, love.- Did she really pong?
0:12:05 > 0:12:08- Oh, she was whiffy. - Can't you give her a chance?
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- She sounds like she's a nice girl, really.- No, she was ripe.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13- What about a squirt of perfume? - Dirt. Muck!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Gah! Will this stupidity never end?
0:12:16 > 0:12:20Benjamin, we need to put a stop to this once and for all
0:12:20 > 0:12:22by writing a letter of complaint.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25I will dictate it, you will write it down!
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Duh, OK, Frank.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29"Dear The BBC,
0:12:29 > 0:12:31"This Hacker Time programme is utter tripe.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34"Why must you insult and embarrass everyone
0:12:34 > 0:12:36"with a horrific musical number about a skunk?
0:12:36 > 0:12:39"Please stop it. Stop it all now.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43"Yours sincerely, Disgusted of Under The Desk."
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- Right! Did you get all of that down, Benjamin?- I sure did, Frank.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Excellent. Now go and post it.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Post it? Are you sure, Frank?
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Yes! Post it! Post it now!
0:12:54 > 0:12:57If you say so, Frank.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00TOASTER CLICKS
0:13:00 > 0:13:02I'm back, Frank!
0:13:02 > 0:13:03That was extremely quick.
0:13:03 > 0:13:08Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. What is that singed mess in your hand?
0:13:08 > 0:13:10It's the letter!
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I toasted it just like you told me.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16Benjamin!
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Can you hear something, Hacker?
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Is it Barbara? Is she back?
0:13:20 > 0:13:22- No, no.- Barbara! - No, it's not a skunk.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25It sounds more like cockroaches or something.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Oh, right. Yeah, that figures.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30This place is infested with an array of nastiness, Naomi.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Anyroad, we better get on.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34There's still loads more to come, you know. Ahem.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Derek! The menu!
0:13:37 > 0:13:41Oh, yes. Stay tuned for amateur acting...
0:13:41 > 0:13:42What was my line?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Angry birds...
0:13:47 > 0:13:49..and potent plops!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51What do you think that's from?
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Don't go away. Hoo-hoo!
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Looks good, don't it, Naomi?
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- Yeah, it does.- Now, you've been very interesting so far
0:13:58 > 0:14:00but I'm a bit bored of you now
0:14:00 > 0:14:04so I'm going to pop off and meet some real human people and that.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08I feel another masterclass coming on! And while I'm gone,
0:14:08 > 0:14:10chop them onions, love!
0:14:10 > 0:14:11Here we go!
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Y'all right, Team Cockers?
0:14:33 > 0:14:34ALL: Hi, Hacker!
0:14:34 > 0:14:38I need your help. Can you lot talk like animals?
0:14:38 > 0:14:41- Rrrawr!- Moo!- Woof, woof!
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Ah, it's like music to my ears!
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Horrific, unbearable music.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Herman! Bring on the props.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Here, Hacker. Here's your Box o' Stuff.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56It's quite heavy... Whoa!
0:14:58 > 0:14:59I'm damaged.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Now...what are you meant to be?
0:15:02 > 0:15:03- Are you a trout?- No, a rabbit.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06A rabbit? What noise does a rabbit make?
0:15:06 > 0:15:07GNAWING NOISE
0:15:07 > 0:15:09No, they do this noise.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Have some lettuce! Ha-ha-ha!
0:15:12 > 0:15:14HE CHATTERS
0:15:14 > 0:15:15Dolphin!
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Hey, that's a nice nose. Did you pick it yourself?
0:15:18 > 0:15:19HE CHATTERS
0:15:19 > 0:15:21- What's that?- Dolphin.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22No, it's a stoat.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24- Rrah!- Rrruh!
0:15:24 > 0:15:26- Rrah!- Rrruh!- Rrah!
0:15:26 > 0:15:27TRUMPETING
0:15:27 > 0:15:30HE CHATTERS
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- A stoat. - Marmoset, that one, doing a dolphin.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35What do I sound like?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37"What do I sound like?"
0:15:37 > 0:15:40No, I don't sound like that. I sound like thith.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- "Like this?"- Like thith!
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- "Wike this?"- Like thith!- "Wike this?"
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- What sort of noise does a chicken make?- Buuck!
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- A what?- Buuck!- Buuck?
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- Buuck!- Buuck!- Buuck!- Buuck!
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- Buck-aw! Buck-buck-aw! - I think you've got it.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58I think I've laid an egg. A dog egg.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00So, what have we learned today?
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Number one - most animals are not very bright
0:16:03 > 0:16:07because they can't talk, like what I can do.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11Number two - I'm not very bright, for different reasons.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15And number three - the Earth is made of things.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Cheers for all your help, Cockers. See you!
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Bye, Hacker!
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Now, back to the studio.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28I bet they're having a terrible time without me there.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32# Doo doo doo Come on and do the conga
0:16:32 > 0:16:36# Choo choo choo A train across the floor
0:16:36 > 0:16:38# Doo doo doo
0:16:38 > 0:16:40# It's conga night for sure... #
0:16:40 > 0:16:44Hang on a minute! Stop the music! Stop that music, please!
0:16:44 > 0:16:46MUSIC STOPS
0:16:46 > 0:16:48What's going on here, then? I've been off
0:16:48 > 0:16:50working hard on my masterclass and that
0:16:50 > 0:16:52and you lot have been doing this?
0:16:52 > 0:16:54I've never seen anything of the sort!
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- Sorry, Hacker.- And you lot, you costumed characters!
0:16:57 > 0:17:00You're getting right on my nerves, doing all this partying.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Where'd they even come from? I don't even know where they come from.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06The lemon's a bit... Where's that lemon from?
0:17:06 > 0:17:10- There's only one thing for it, Naomi.- What's that?
0:17:10 > 0:17:12I'll look at clips of you embarrassing yourself
0:17:12 > 0:17:17- to cheer me up. Is that all right? - No!- Tough! Run them.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Aaaaagh!
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Aaaah!
0:17:23 > 0:17:25It's all you ever do, is scream.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29Oh, what's that? I'd be scared of that, Naomi.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33SCREAMS
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Eek!
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Whooa!
0:17:37 > 0:17:39SCREAMING
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Whoa!
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Aaaaaagh!
0:17:49 > 0:17:53Ha-ha-ha! What a load of nonsense you were up to there.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Yeah, cheers for that, Hacker.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- My pleasure. So then, Naomi, you like animals.- Yes.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00- I am a animal.- You are.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- But we all know they can be filth from time to time!- That's true.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06But I've turned nature's indiscretions to my advantage
0:18:06 > 0:18:08in a game I like to call...
0:18:08 > 0:18:13Have I Got Poos For You! Hoo-hoo!
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Herman's been down the zoo with a bag for the last couple of days
0:18:16 > 0:18:18and as a little treat,
0:18:18 > 0:18:21he has collected several plops for you to identify...
0:18:21 > 0:18:26- Yay!- ..which I have placed 'neath these spangly lids.- Oh, good!
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Some of you at home might not like this - cos it's pretty horrendous -
0:18:29 > 0:18:32but I love it! I love a good poo. Mmm! Naomi!
0:18:32 > 0:18:37- Yes?- Lift up the first thing and peer at that steamer.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43- Oh, ho-ho!- Now, what do you think it is? Have a little look in.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- Oh...- I'll give you some clues. The animal is native to India.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48This particular breed
0:18:48 > 0:18:51is called the Nilgai
0:18:51 > 0:18:53and he likes to be known as Clive.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55What do you think it is, Naomi?
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- That's a rubbish clue. - It's not the worst.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59I don't know. I have absolutely no idea.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Hazard a guess, love!
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Honestly...
0:19:03 > 0:19:05I'm sorry, I've got no idea, Hacker.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09- Naomi, it's an antelope! - Oh, an antelope. Of course.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Cover it up, it reeks, that.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14- That one doesn't smell too bad. - Let's move on to number two.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Number two! I like what you did there.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17I don't get it.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21Lift up that lid and examine that faeces!
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- Urgh-ha-ha!- Now, what's that one?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- Oh, that stinks!- It is a bit ripe, isn't it? I'll give you a clue.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31It's from the third largest flightless bird on the planet.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35It's been called the most dangerous bird on said planet
0:19:35 > 0:19:38and when it goes on a long journey,
0:19:38 > 0:19:39it likes to plan it!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42What animal is that from?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Is it an ostrich?
0:19:44 > 0:19:47No! You are incorrect.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48It's from a cassowary.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Oh, of course, a cassowary. Why didn't I guess that(?)
0:19:51 > 0:19:55- Cassowar-EE.- Well, it certainly stinks.- Stinks-o-wary.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59- Follow me to number three.- You know how to spoil your guests, don't you?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Number three. Funny, ain't it?
0:20:01 > 0:20:05Now, lift up that lid, and peer at the plop!
0:20:07 > 0:20:09What do you think that's from?
0:20:09 > 0:20:10Well...
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Oh, it smells. I think that's a big cat poo.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16- The clue...- Or dog poo.- ..is this.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18- Is it yours?- No.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22The tail is nearly as long as the rest of its body.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24It goes to the gym. What sort of animal
0:20:24 > 0:20:26do you think it is, Naomi? He's a lovely man.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30Gym! I think it's a...lion poo.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Well, let's have a little look.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35What's that? That's the wrong picture, Derek, you buffoon!
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Whoops! Sorry, Hacker!
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Cheers, Derek.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Yes! It's a snow leopard!
0:20:43 > 0:20:46- Oh, a snow leopard!- Yeah!
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Now, if I was to sum up your performance,
0:20:48 > 0:20:50I would have a good look at that and judge you on that
0:20:50 > 0:20:53but since I think you're such a lovely woman,
0:20:53 > 0:20:55I shall give you the prize nonetheless.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- Oh, shake my hand.- Oh, no!
0:20:57 > 0:21:01Oh, no, no! You're filthy! Have a look at this.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08Yes, it's the fabulous Golden Poo. Hoo-hoo!
0:21:08 > 0:21:10- What do you think of that? - It's amazing. Thanks so much.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14- You really know how to treat your guests well(!)- Yeah, I do, don't I?
0:21:14 > 0:21:17- Has this been the best experience of your life, Naomi?- No!
0:21:17 > 0:21:21Thought so. I need a lie down after all that nonsense.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24I think we should watch a bit of dead good telly instead.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Ever wondered how to make an award-winning drama?
0:21:27 > 0:21:29- Not recently. - Well, I can't tell you that.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31But I can tell you how we managed to cobble together
0:21:31 > 0:21:34- The Adventures of Sherlock Bones instead.- Oh, good.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36It's good because I'm in it! And I made it!
0:21:36 > 0:21:42And I'm top drawer! Derek - run the behind-the-scenes exclusive!
0:21:42 > 0:21:44DRAMATIC THEME MUSIC PLAYS
0:21:58 > 0:22:01We first came up with the concept of the show several years ago.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03We wanted to make a gritty drama series
0:22:03 > 0:22:08that was going to be surprising, entertaining and groundbreaking.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10CLOCK TICKS
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Doo, doo-doo...
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Shall we just do that rubbish detective thing we talked about?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Yes.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Yeah.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23THEY SIGH
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Once we realised that our idea wasn't original
0:22:26 > 0:22:29and some Sherlock Holmes guy already existed,
0:22:29 > 0:22:32we decided to make sure our stories were way better,
0:22:32 > 0:22:35which meant we needed really strong scripts.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39There you are, love. A perfectly formed script. Hoo-hoo!
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Well... This isn't a script. It's a picture of a pig in tap shoes.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44Can you... Can you do that?
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Diva.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51The whole cast is like one happy family.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53We've really bonded making this.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56ED MOUTHS TO HIMSELF
0:22:56 > 0:22:58HACKER HUMS
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Oh, oi, Ed. Did you watch Strictly Come Dancing the other night?
0:23:02 > 0:23:04What? Oh, I don't watch Strictly.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Look, can we rehearse our lines, please?
0:23:07 > 0:23:09HE SIGHS
0:23:09 > 0:23:13Ahem. "Help! My prize-winning marrow has been stolen.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15"Is there anyone who can help me?"
0:23:15 > 0:23:17"STRICTLY COME DANCING" THEME
0:23:17 > 0:23:19"Ooh, hello! I'm Ed Petrie and I'm too good for Strictly!
0:23:19 > 0:23:22"I'm all high and mighty! Let's do our lines!"
0:23:22 > 0:23:24I can't work like this!
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Hey! The paperwork. Ed! Oh, Edward!
0:23:27 > 0:23:31So this is the town of Teapot, where all the crimes take place.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35In real life, it's actually quite uninteresting.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Look, I'm not working with him again. What happened to the cactus?
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Each episode takes about two minutes to film.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44We always get things right the first time.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Take 73! And...action!
0:23:47 > 0:23:49What was my line?
0:23:49 > 0:23:53"Hello!" Oh, just cut.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57But I think the main reason this show's become so huge is the crimes.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01We put a lot of effort into creating a mystery around who did it.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Eeny-meeny-miny-moe,
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- YOU did it this week.- Yes!
0:24:05 > 0:24:07And at the end of the day,
0:24:07 > 0:24:11we hop in the car, go home and get on with our lives.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Come on, Wilf, drop me off at Smith-wick Station.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17It's pronounced "Smith-ick", you fool.
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Oi! What about my lift?
0:24:22 > 0:24:26My wallet's in the car! You can't do this to me!
0:24:26 > 0:24:28I'm a celebrity! On a Freeview channel!
0:24:31 > 0:24:33- I made that! Can you believe it? - Not really.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37I can't! I have little idea what I'm doing most of the time as it is.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Anyway, what a lovely time we've had today.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- We have, yes.- And it's not over yet.
0:24:43 > 0:24:44Well, not for me, anyway.
0:24:44 > 0:24:49- It is for you, love. It's time for you to leave!- Aw! Really?
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Yeah, I think so. But as a little treat, I've got you a small memento.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55- You like animals, don't you?- Yeah.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59So I've got you the Hacker Time ironing board cover!
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Hacker, that has got nothing to do with animals.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07What are you on about? My mum's an animal and she's got one.
0:25:07 > 0:25:08- I don't even like ironing.- Yeah.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11- Now, collapse that ironing board and off you go.- How?
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Press the lever or something.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15- I can't find a lever.- Take it as it is! I've not got all day.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18- And mind the paintwork on that door, please.- Bye, Hacker.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22See you, Naomi. Mind the bulbs, they're 12p each, them.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24There you... Oh, be careful!
0:25:24 > 0:25:28Ha-ha-ha! What a lovely woman.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30She smells like rain. Mmm.
0:25:30 > 0:25:31Now that she's gone,
0:25:31 > 0:25:34I'm going to show you some of the best LOLs that I've collected
0:25:34 > 0:25:37from around this here world. It's time for...
0:25:37 > 0:25:41Hacker's Top Three Deadly Howlers.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42In at three...
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Someone needs to calm-a this llama down-a.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Oh, look at it! It's gone adrift!
0:25:51 > 0:25:52It's not him that needs a bath.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56It's you, Mr Llama, you filthy animal!
0:25:56 > 0:25:58At two...
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Check out this livid goose!
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Angry geese are the worst type of geese!
0:26:05 > 0:26:07That's a public pond, sir!
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Leave him alone! He's got as much right to be there as you have!
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Oh, I'm livid!
0:26:13 > 0:26:16And our number one deadly animal...
0:26:16 > 0:26:20It's a cat, of course! They're well vicious. Look!
0:26:21 > 0:26:25Crocodile will never win against the cat!
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Whoa!
0:26:28 > 0:26:33No wonder us dogs hate them cats. They're out of control, aren't they?
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Anyway, that's all we've got time for today.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38I've got some chicken marinating in the fridge
0:26:38 > 0:26:40so I really must get back and attend to it.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Thanks to Naomi Wilkinson for being on the show.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45She was dead good at all that animal stuff
0:26:45 > 0:26:47and after my performance today,
0:26:47 > 0:26:51I'm pretty sure she'll ditch Steve Backshall and I'll take over! Ha-ha!
0:26:51 > 0:26:55I'll leave you now with some of my brilliant singing ability
0:26:55 > 0:26:58for no extra charge! G-G-G-G-Goodbye!
0:27:01 > 0:27:03# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:27:03 > 0:27:05# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go
0:27:05 > 0:27:08# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:08 > 0:27:10# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time!
0:27:10 > 0:27:12# It's been amazing, we've been larking around
0:27:12 > 0:27:15# And we've been lolling at some clips that I found
0:27:15 > 0:27:17# Watch again next time cos I've got much more
0:27:17 > 0:27:20# There'll be tons of other funny stuff, it will be top drawer!
0:27:20 > 0:27:22# I had Naomi Wilkinson
0:27:22 > 0:27:25# On my show today
0:27:25 > 0:27:27# We had a LOL, like we always do
0:27:27 > 0:27:29# I made her guess the animals responsible for varied poo
0:27:29 > 0:27:32# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:27:32 > 0:27:34# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go
0:27:34 > 0:27:36# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:36 > 0:27:39# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time!
0:27:39 > 0:27:41# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time!
0:27:41 > 0:27:44# That is the end of today's Hacker Time! #
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Barbara! Barbara!