0:00:03 > 0:00:04# You gotta watch this... #
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Pffft!
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# ..You gotta watch this
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# You gotta watch this
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# My, my, my, my programme hits you So hard
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# Makes me say Oh, my word!
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# Thank you for watching me It's telly
0:00:20 > 0:00:21# But not what you normally see
0:00:21 > 0:00:23# It feels good And there's out-takes, too
0:00:23 > 0:00:25# Comedy, guests and clips It's true
0:00:25 > 0:00:27# So sit back, don't move too much This is a show
0:00:27 > 0:00:29# Ha! You can't touch
0:00:29 > 0:00:31# Stop! Hacker time! #
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Thank you.
0:00:32 > 0:00:38Standby, studio. On air in 10...9...8...
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Ooh, heck. Sorry I'm late. I think I ate one too many Brussels sprouts at lunch.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45- HE FARTS - Ooh!- Stop that!
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Standby, Mr Hacker!
0:00:47 > 0:00:48In...
0:00:48 > 0:00:503...2...1...
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Cue Hacker!
0:00:51 > 0:00:55Y'all right! I'm Hacker T Dog and you're watching Hacker Time!
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Today's programme is going to be full of LOLs.
0:00:58 > 0:01:03I predict you are going to love it! Isn't that right, Derek?
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- Derek? Derek! - I just can't seem to stop, Lolly!
0:01:06 > 0:01:10- HE FARTS - Well, you've got to, we're on the telly!
0:01:10 > 0:01:11Derek!
0:01:11 > 0:01:15You what? Oooh! Oh, no! Ooh, heck! Mr Hacker!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17We've had a bit of a problem in here.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Derek? What's going on?
0:01:19 > 0:01:21STATIC NOISE AND MUSIC
0:01:21 > 0:01:25Derek, you mooey! The pictures gone all wrong!
0:01:25 > 0:01:28- Sort it out! - I'm trying! I'm trying, Loll!
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- Hello?- Coming up next, we've got...
0:01:30 > 0:01:32No! No!
0:01:32 > 0:01:33..butternut squash.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35What's going on?
0:01:35 > 0:01:38You're back on, Mr Hacker!
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Derek! That was supposed to be the big showbiz beginning bit!
0:01:41 > 0:01:43We look like a load of amateurs now!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46But we are a load of amateurs!
0:01:46 > 0:01:48How rude! I am a professional!
0:01:48 > 0:01:53Oh, look! A banana skin!
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Oh, bodges.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58We better move on, quick! Derek, do the menu.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Coming up, something hammy...
0:02:01 > 0:02:04I am some sort of non-disclosed limb of meat.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06..something stinky...
0:02:06 > 0:02:08- FARTING - Who was that?- Not me!
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- ..and something soggy. - OK! Enough of the cold!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Today's programme is all about CBBC.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19So I have secured a top drawer guest to tell us
0:02:19 > 0:02:20everything we want to know.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Oh, look - is that the time?
0:02:22 > 0:02:26He must be just about to arrive entirely of his own free will.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Wilf, Herman - get him!
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- Yes, Mr Hacker. - I'll fire up the van!
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Ha ha ha!
0:02:39 > 0:02:41So, we're going to pre-record the voice-overs.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44- Could you put your earpiece in? - Sure.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Coming up on today's live Blue Peter...
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Whoa!
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Stay there, Mate. Off you go, Wilf!
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- Off we go!- Why are there no lights?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57This is an outrage!
0:02:58 > 0:03:01This is weird!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03I'll just reverse.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Please welcome today's special guest, Barney Harwood!
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Ah, I might have known it'd be you.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Well, I'd like to say it's been a pleasure being bundled into the back of a van,
0:03:13 > 0:03:16driven at high speed and then kicked out into your studio.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Ha ha! Thought you'd like it!
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Well, since you're here, then, Barney you can be my guest today!
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Er... I don't know.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Well, I could always book Helen Skelton instead.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29I bet she'd be very good. Oh, Helen!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31You're so talented and beautiful...
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Yeah, all right, you don't have to do that. OK, I'll stay!
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Ha ha, in that case, make yourself useful and pull that lever.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40I've put together some visual imagery to tell the viewers
0:03:40 > 0:03:41about your long career.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- If there's embarrassing photos, I won't be happy. - I cannot promise it!
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- Pull that lever!- That one? - Not that one, the other one!
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Barney Harwood is that bloke that's always on the telly.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54He was born in Blackpool before time began.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Barney started on CBBC so long ago
0:03:56 > 0:04:00that his first show was called Woolly Mammoth Behaving Badly.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04'Woolly Mammoth, did you just leave the freezer door open and cause the ice age?'
0:04:04 > 0:04:07'Sorry, Barney.' 'Oh, Woolly Mammoth!'
0:04:07 > 0:04:09COMEDY TRUMPET
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Barney hosted Prank Patrol,
0:04:11 > 0:04:15playing tactical jokes on members of the public, much like the practical jokes
0:04:15 > 0:04:18his hairdresser has been playing on him all this time.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Oh. At least he dresses well.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25What a mooey! Nowadays, he's on Blue Peter.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Wrong Barney!
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Anyway, on Blue Peter, they do loads of daredevil challenges, you know.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34Helen has kayaked the Amazon, and trekked to the South Pole.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38And Barney has... Interviewed Pixie Lott in a warm studio.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Oh, terrifying(!) Well done, Barney.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42I will not look a gift horse in the mouth.
0:04:42 > 0:04:47Ladies and gentlemen, Barney Harwood. Good, eh, Barney?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Well, well shot, and everything,
0:04:49 > 0:04:51but the mammoth thing isn't entirely true.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54I think the haircuts thing, though, is pretty true. What was I doing?
0:04:54 > 0:04:58- I don't know what you been thinking. So then. Mr Barney Harwood.- Yes.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59You're famous and on the telly...
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- Right.- ..and Steve Backshall wasn't available,
0:05:02 > 0:05:04- so I'm now going to interview you.- How nice(!)
0:05:04 > 0:05:06You've been on CBBC for over 10 years.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10- Yeah.- When are you going to grow up and get a proper job?
0:05:10 > 0:05:13I love it here. This is a proper job!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- You've presented on Prank Patrol, right?- Yes.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19- Barney's Barrier Reef.- Yes. - Blue Peter, Basil's Swap Shop,
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Bear Behaving Badly - and LOADS of other stuff.
0:05:22 > 0:05:28Can't you hold down one job, man! You've no staying power! You're no value!
0:05:28 > 0:05:31I know, it's a huge failing, I'm so sorry. I'll stick to one show from now on.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- Is that all right?- Thank you. - All right.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- Now, you're a good photographer, aren't you?- Well, I suppose so.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Have you ever photographed something like THIS?!
0:05:42 > 0:05:46I am some sort of non-disclosed limb of meat. I'm beautiful!
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Would I make a good subject, Barn?
0:05:48 > 0:05:52You might do. I did once take a picture of some sheep, which is close to a leg of lamb.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56It was for a campaign about how they keep warm in winter,
0:05:56 > 0:05:57it's called central bleating. Ha ha ha!
0:05:57 > 0:06:01What an interesting man(!) Good day!
0:06:01 > 0:06:06Next question. You have won a BAFTA award for best presenter.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10- I have not.- There's a reason. - Can I swap you something for it?
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Let's see what you've got to offer.
0:06:11 > 0:06:17I've created a statue of you out of my brother Dodge's bellybutton fluff.
0:06:17 > 0:06:22Remove the spangly cloths, and you shall see what I have fashioned.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26- Oh, I'm doing it? - Course you are.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- You're supposed to have a beautiful assistant. - FANFARE
0:06:29 > 0:06:33There you are! I am Barmy. What do you reckon? Swapsies?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- You want me to swap this for my BAFTA?- I wouldn't say no.- No.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40Very interesting questions, I'm sure you'll agree.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Now, what am I doing next? Oh, yes! Let's go to the phones.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47We've got some callers on the line who want to speak to you.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- Pick up your phone, Barney. - All right. Hello?
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Hello! Love you, Barney!
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Hey! All right, Nev! I love you too, mate.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58- Miss you!- Don't worry, I'm only at work. I do miss you, though.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01You know what, Nev? I never say this to you,
0:07:01 > 0:07:05- but you're the best animal I've EVER worked with!- Aww!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Hey! Wait a minute! What about me?
0:07:07 > 0:07:12I'm the best animal, Barney! I'm the best animal, not him!
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Nev?
0:07:15 > 0:07:18I think the line's gone dead, Barney. How curious!
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Now, Barney. You have all the best guests on Blue Peter, don't you?
0:07:24 > 0:07:27True, yes. Pixie Lott was great, as you saw earlier.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Met the Queen, as well. She was brilliant.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31They're all right. They're OK.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34But I was thinking more about the time
0:07:34 > 0:07:36that I appeared on the show live from Wigan Market.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38I'm pretty sure that never happened.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Barnaby! Of course it did! I have evidence and that.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Look at it!
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- Are you there?- I am, cocker!
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Down Wigan meat market, buying said meats.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52- Brilliant!- It is, cockers.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56The griddle pans are sizzling, the crowds are huge,
0:07:56 > 0:08:00it's like a sauna of meat-related joy in here.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02How do you manage in that kind of temperature?
0:08:02 > 0:08:05I just pack a moist towelette, Barney.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06What's he asking me that for?
0:08:06 > 0:08:10What about simple things like going to the loo? How do you do that?
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Barnaby! I hardly think that's relevant.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16What kind of question is that to ask a guest?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18I don't know what filth you talk on Blue Peter,
0:08:18 > 0:08:20but potty talk is not for me.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24Good day to you, sir! Oh!
0:08:24 > 0:08:28- Ha ha! What do you think of that? - That was a conversation I had with Helen Skelton when she was
0:08:28 > 0:08:31in the South Pole, and you've made it awful by talking about potty talk.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Meat produce.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Now, Barney Harwood, thank you very much. There'll be more from him later.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40But first, I thought I'd show you my collection of rare and exotic combs.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43No, you're not! It's my turn!
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- Eh?- It's my bit now. Derek Time!
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Not this again.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50But you promised!
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Well I've changed my mind!
0:08:51 > 0:08:54OK, then. But if you don't want me to do it,
0:08:54 > 0:08:57then I'll have to show the viewers at home...
0:08:57 > 0:08:58..the photograph!
0:08:58 > 0:09:01DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Not... The photograph!
0:09:04 > 0:09:07DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Does that happen every time I say 'the photograph?'
0:09:10 > 0:09:12DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:09:12 > 0:09:15What's all this about? I'm only saying 'photograph!'
0:09:15 > 0:09:18DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:09:18 > 0:09:20I've got it! Just don't say 'photograph'.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Oh, bodges! Take it away, Derek.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28I need a lie down. It's Derek Time!
0:09:30 > 0:09:34Ho ho! It's Derek Time! Hee hee!
0:09:34 > 0:09:40Hello, Derek fans! It's me, top-notch showbiz personality, Derek McGee.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44Today on Derek Time - we haven't got time to show you the tortoise
0:09:44 > 0:09:47who was refused entry to an exclusive cat restaurant.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Oh, my gosh! You are so going to break that door.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Or the gecko who got scared watching the Twilight Saga.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01'Aaaargh!'
0:10:02 > 0:10:05But we HAVE got time for today's top clip.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Now, we've all heard of camouflage, but what about cat-oflage?
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Boo! Hoo-hoo, surprise!
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Ha-ha-ha, it's funny because it's a cat.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20That's all for me....for now.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23I'm off for a warm bun and a cup of melted cheese.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Back to Hacker in the studio!
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Who keeps letting that man on my show?
0:10:28 > 0:10:32I'm meant to be the star of this! I don't even pay him!
0:10:32 > 0:10:33Oh, hello there.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36What a fascinating insight, Derek. Thank you very much.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Now, Barney.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41- Yes.- I remember when you and that dead good comedian Tim Minchin
0:10:41 > 0:10:42wrote that song about me...
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- Yeah, it was good, wasn't it? - It weren't bad, yeah.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49But let's have a little look at it, please. Hit that switch, Hardboard!
0:10:49 > 0:10:50OK.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54# It's hard being Hacker
0:10:54 > 0:10:56# But the only shot I got
0:10:56 > 0:10:59# Was a flea shot in the butt
0:10:59 > 0:11:02# A little self-control is all I need. #
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Hey, presto, a song about a top dog.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Ah, what a lovely man.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11And to thank you, I thought I'd do a little song about you. Ha-ha!
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Yay-hey! Hit it!
0:11:13 > 0:11:16# Barney Harwood, what a man
0:11:18 > 0:11:21# He is dead good, got a tan
0:11:23 > 0:11:26# Hosted Prank Patrol and drove a van
0:11:26 > 0:11:31# Plays guitar, photographer He's done it all
0:11:31 > 0:11:36# I very much hope he doesn't bore you to tears
0:11:36 > 0:11:41# Cos he's been on CBBC for the past ten years
0:11:41 > 0:11:46# From time to time he's sported a beard
0:11:46 > 0:11:49# Or a jaunty trilby hat
0:11:49 > 0:11:51# Oh-ho
0:11:51 > 0:11:55# Barney Harwood's won awards
0:11:56 > 0:12:00# Filmed some TV shows abroad
0:12:01 > 0:12:04# He's my favourite I hope he's yours
0:12:04 > 0:12:08# But he's not as good as me...
0:12:10 > 0:12:14# Barney! #
0:12:14 > 0:12:17- What d'you think, Barn? - You know what, that was genius.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- Ha-ha, thanks! What a lovely man.- Do you know what I liked about it?- What?
0:12:20 > 0:12:22You're back to the old school. You've gone for a bit of swing,
0:12:22 > 0:12:25everyone can join in at home and sing the words,
0:12:25 > 0:12:27- they're dead simply written... - I am quite simple.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31What utter garbage this show is!
0:12:31 > 0:12:33I must write a letter of complaint to the BBC.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37- Benjamin, write this down! - Yeah, OK, Frank!
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Ahem. "Dear The BBC,
0:12:39 > 0:12:43"why must you insist on screening this Hacker Time filth?"
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- Are you writing this down? - Yes, Frank.- OK.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48"Why do you think songs about hairy presenters
0:12:48 > 0:12:50is acceptable entertainment?"
0:12:50 > 0:12:52- Benjamin, are you writing this down?- Sure am, Frank.- OK.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55W-w-wait, your pencil doesn't seem to be moving very much,
0:12:55 > 0:12:58are you sure you're getting all of this?
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Every last bit, Frank.
0:13:00 > 0:13:05OK, so to be clear, you've written every last bit of this down?
0:13:05 > 0:13:08- Yes!- Let's have a look, then.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- BENJAMIN GIGGLES - What do you think?
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Hey? "This!"
0:13:12 > 0:13:15BENJAMIN!
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- Hacker.- What?- Did you hear something? - Hear something? Oh, no.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21I was too busy trying to remember why I bothered getting you on this show.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25- Oh, charming!- Yeah. Onwards! Do the menu thing, Derek!
0:13:25 > 0:13:29Yes, Mr Hacker. One menu coming up. Hoo-hoo! Oh...
0:13:29 > 0:13:31PHRRT!
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Oh, Derek!
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Sorry, Lolly. It just slipped out.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40Still to come, things get messier,
0:13:40 > 0:13:42- smellier... - PHRRT! - Mister Bitt!
0:13:42 > 0:13:45- ..and naughtier. - Ouch! Be nice!
0:13:45 > 0:13:48So sit back and buckle up!
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Come to my soft seating area, Barney.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- I would love to sit in your soft seating area.- Thank you.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55- Now, Mr Harwood.- Yes, mate.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Blue Peter of yesteryear have always been famous for making stuff
0:13:58 > 0:14:02and saying this phrase, "Here's one I made earlier."
0:14:02 > 0:14:05- Will you say it for me now, please? - Sure. Here's one I made earlier.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08- Good, where is it?- Where's what? - The one you made earlier.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10- I didn't make one. - Didn't make one what?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13- I don't know, cos I didn't make it. - Then why did you say you made one?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- Because you...- Silence!
0:14:15 > 0:14:17I'm off to find some people who'll help me make things
0:14:17 > 0:14:21like a real Blue Peter presenter would. Now you stay there!
0:14:22 > 0:14:24And don't think about nicking anything,
0:14:24 > 0:14:27cos all the furniture's been nailed down!
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Here we go!
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- You all right, everyone?- Hi, Hacker!
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Now, I need your help to be a proper Blue Peter presenter,
0:14:49 > 0:14:53unlike Barney Harwood! Do you see my running sidekick here,
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Harry Tongue? I made him out of simple everyday objects.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Do you think you can do the same and make your own sidekicks,
0:14:59 > 0:15:03- only not as good as Harry?- Yes! - Very well!
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Herman, bring in the box o' stuff!
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Here you go, Hacker. Here's zoom-z-z-argh!
0:15:12 > 0:15:14CLATTER
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Oh, I'm in pain.
0:15:23 > 0:15:28- What's that called?- Boogie. - Boogie! Make him dance.
0:15:28 > 0:15:34This is me dancing. La-la-la-la! La-la-la. La-la-la-la-la!
0:15:34 > 0:15:36- Boo!- Boo!- Agh!
0:15:36 > 0:15:40- W-w-w... I'll boo you back! Boo!- Boo!
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- Agh! Boo!- Boo!
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Now, look. What've you got there?
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- Harry Swong.- Harry Swong? Oh, hold him up nice.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52- What does he do?- Karate. - Show me some of his karate moves.
0:15:52 > 0:15:57Ow! Right on me schnoz, that. That's not nice, is it?
0:15:57 > 0:15:59- What's your one?- Parpy Pants.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Parpy Pants? What's that mean?
0:16:01 > 0:16:03PHRRT!
0:16:03 > 0:16:05He makes trouser sounds?!
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Ooh, I would never do that, would I?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10PHRRT!
0:16:10 > 0:16:14- Ewww!- Meat.- It does smell of meat.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16So what have we learned today?
0:16:16 > 0:16:20Number one, we've all made some new friends - literally.
0:16:20 > 0:16:25Number two, Harry Tongue sticks to a flip chart rather easily.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28And number three, cress is a foodstuff.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Thanks for all your help, everyone. These look fantastic.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- See ya!- Bye!
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Now I must get back to the studio.
0:16:38 > 0:16:43I bet it's really dull there without me.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46UP-TEMPO SALSA MUSIC
0:16:50 > 0:16:54Yoo-hoo! I'm back, don't worry, I'm back!
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Hold on, stop that! Stop the music, please!
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Fix the lights! What's going on here, then?
0:16:59 > 0:17:02How dare you lot have fun while I'm not around?
0:17:02 > 0:17:05I've been out doing work things, trying to be informative and that,
0:17:05 > 0:17:07and you look are carrying on like a bunch of mooeys!
0:17:07 > 0:17:10I think you better apologise to me.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14- ALL: Sorry, Hacker. - Louder! And mean it!- Sorry, Hacker.
0:17:14 > 0:17:19That's better! Oh, I'm furious, you pesky costumed characters.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Am I going to get...
0:17:21 > 0:17:25Derek, play some Howlers while I sort this nonsense out!
0:17:29 > 0:17:33- Oh, sorry.- Oh...- Oh, it's you. Oh, my knee...
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Oh, sorry. Oh, it's you. Hi, you all right?
0:17:39 > 0:17:41It's the big watch that does it!
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Right, still to come on today's Blue Peter...
0:17:43 > 0:17:45No, you're not on the Pet Show. Wow!
0:17:45 > 0:17:47They're having a fight about who's on the Pet Show.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Warning, dog may shake.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- Yes.- Are you going to shake, Luce?
0:17:51 > 0:17:53No, you're going to try and run away!
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Hang on, OK...
0:17:55 > 0:17:59OK, now, you can towel dry. Come back!
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Oh, these are going to be quite shallow bulbs, aren't they?
0:18:01 > 0:18:05It means you can get more chocolate in them.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Do we have smaller balloons? It's going to be difficult not to,
0:18:07 > 0:18:10because of the size of the balloon.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13CHEERING
0:18:13 > 0:18:14Right in my eye!
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- THEY BOTH LAUGH - They were good, weren't they, Barney?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Exploding chocolate balloons, don't try it until you get home!
0:18:24 > 0:18:27They won't, Barney, don't you worry. So, Barney,
0:18:27 > 0:18:31as we've just witnessed, you're not as daring as Helen Skelton.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Well, I suppose not.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36I mean, she's pretty. She's broken loads of world records.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40She's done amazing and dangerous stuff. And you, well, er...
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- you haven't.- Boo!
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Well, you know, I've been here for ten years
0:18:44 > 0:18:47and Helen's a fantastic presenter and everything, but...
0:18:47 > 0:18:49- I think I can hold my own. - Oh, yeah?
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Well I've devised a little test to see! Herman over the
0:18:52 > 0:18:55is holding up a Blue Peter script for you.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58- All you've got to do is read the script he's holding up.- OK.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Well, er, there might be one or two distractions.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03That's why you're wearing that boiler suit.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07- Yeah, about that...- What? - Why does it say Barry on my bottom?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- Herman, it's Barney, not Barry! - Sorry, Barry!- Ha-ha!
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Right, Barney, you've got to keep up with that script.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15But it's going to be going fast. Ha-ha!
0:19:15 > 0:19:16- BUZZER - Go!
0:19:16 > 0:19:21OK. Welcome to Blue Peter. On today's show, I'm off to the Arctic
0:19:21 > 0:19:24on a very dangerous expedition. I'll put my hat on...
0:19:24 > 0:19:26The conditions here in the Arctic can be very bad,
0:19:26 > 0:19:29with strong winds, freezing cold temperatures
0:19:29 > 0:19:31and sometimes, sudden avalanches of snow?
0:19:33 > 0:19:34And there are many more dangers lurking.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38If the ice melts, then be careful not to fall in the water.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Cos it's really is very cold.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45But I love water! More!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49HE GASPS OK, enough of the cold. OK.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52For my next trip, I'm going to the jungle.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55There are loads of dangerous pests that you can encounter
0:19:55 > 0:19:56in the depths of the jungle.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00For example, gorillas. Whoa! It's a scary gorilla...
0:20:00 > 0:20:02OK, enough of the monkey business!
0:20:02 > 0:20:04The jungle is also full of lots of other animals.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06But don't get too close,
0:20:06 > 0:20:09otherwise strange creepy crawlies might spray
0:20:09 > 0:20:11their deadly goo in your face...
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Or shed their feathers. BIRD SQUAWKS
0:20:17 > 0:20:20OK, I think that's enough of the jungle!
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Next on Blue Peter, time for a bit of sport.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I love tennis.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27It's a simple sport where you just have to hit the ball
0:20:27 > 0:20:28as it comes towards you... Ow!
0:20:28 > 0:20:31OK. Thank you.
0:20:31 > 0:20:36Great, OK. Fine, thank... Oh, good. Is that all of them?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Thanks(!) Then, when you've had a game of tennis,
0:20:41 > 0:20:43you can celebrate your win...
0:20:44 > 0:20:47..with a slap-up meal. Ohh....
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Yeah, beans. Beans would be lovely(!)
0:20:50 > 0:20:53PHRRT! So, that's all from Blue Peter today.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Join us next week when I'll be retelling the story
0:20:55 > 0:20:59of Marie Antoinette and Helen will be making a pineapple upside-down cake.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00Goodbye.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07Ha-ha! Well done, Barney. That was actually adequate, you know.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10But you really do need to take more pride in your appearance
0:21:10 > 0:21:12if you're going to be a presenter. You look a right mess.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Here, take that towel. Sort yourself out.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- Thank you.- Ha-ha! While he sorts himself out, let's have a look
0:21:18 > 0:21:20at a bit of my dead good acting.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22This is The Adventures Of Sherlock Bones.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25And today, there's a phantom trumper in town.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Ha, sounds like they're having the same problems as Derek.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31Run it! Look at the mess you've made in here.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36This is Teapot, where the sun shines and the people are honest.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Except when it doesn't and they're not. Nothing ever goes right here.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41So you keep on drilling until the hole is appropriate
0:21:41 > 0:21:45to the size of your screw. And that is how you put a screw in a wall.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Ha-ha-ha!
0:21:47 > 0:21:51- What's funny?- You said appropriate! - What's funny about that?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53I don't know.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54PHRRT!
0:21:54 > 0:21:57- Was that you?!- No.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Well, it wasn't me. Which means this is a mystery!
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Run the dramatic title sequence!
0:22:03 > 0:22:07DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS
0:22:20 > 0:22:23- Mrs Dew! Am I all right to come in? - Do.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27I will do, Dew. Thank you very much.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31I come here on urgent business. I'm investigating a terrible crime.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Sorry to interrupt, I've something important to say to Mrs Dew.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36- PHHRT! - Who was that?!
0:22:36 > 0:22:40- Not me.- Definitely not...me?
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Ah, the phantom trumper strikes again.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44I must catch this fiend!
0:22:44 > 0:22:47DRAMATIC MUSIC RESUMES
0:22:58 > 0:23:01I just can't work it out, Dr Watt.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Interesting observation there, Doctor, yeah.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06KNOCK ON DOOR Sherlock, I just popped in to say...
0:23:06 > 0:23:08- PHRRT! - Mister Bitt!
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Are you sure that's not you? Because I really wouldn't want to find
0:23:12 > 0:23:14I've been wasting my invaluable time!
0:23:14 > 0:23:15No! No, it wasn't me, no.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19Hmm, well, in that case, there's only one person I haven't considered.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Doctor Watt! It must be you!
0:23:21 > 0:23:23You must be punished! Argh!
0:23:23 > 0:23:26No, please, no, it was me! I'm the phantom trumper!
0:23:26 > 0:23:28I was just too embarrassed to tell anyone.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Well, you leave me with no option.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Mister Bitt - you're nicked!
0:23:34 > 0:23:36- No, please!- Come with me! - I beg for mercy!- Come on!
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Come on, you!
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Oh, dear, who'd have thought it, eh?
0:23:42 > 0:23:46- I had no idea trumping wasn't a crime.- Who knew?!
0:23:46 > 0:23:51- Yeah, I feel so silly now.- Do you know what is silly?- What?- This!
0:23:51 > 0:23:53PHRRT!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56THEY BOTH LAUGH
0:23:56 > 0:23:58PHRRT!
0:23:58 > 0:24:00PHRRT! PHRRT!
0:24:00 > 0:24:03LAUGHTER
0:24:04 > 0:24:08Well, now we know. Trumping isn't a crime.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Anyway, Barney, have you had a lovely time today?
0:24:11 > 0:24:14I have had a good time. Well, apart from fact you threw beans at me.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18- Oh, yeah!- Then you sang a song about me and said you were better than me.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21All right, that's enough! I'm bored of you now anyway, Barney.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- I think you should leave.- Leave? No, hang on, before I do,
0:24:23 > 0:24:26We were talking about amazing photography skills earlier on.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Well, I've done a Blue Peter calendar
0:24:28 > 0:24:30and it displays all of my photos in it.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32- You could download it and have it for yourself.- Nah!
0:24:32 > 0:24:36- I've got my own calendar up already. Look, it's over there.- Oh, yeah.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38That's my long-running friend and sidekick
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Harry Tongue in the picture. Have you met Harry yet?
0:24:41 > 0:24:44- I haven't, no. - I'm sure he's around here somewhere.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Let's have a little look. Harry! Harry Tongue!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49- Oh, hang on... Hacker.- Harry Gue!
0:24:51 > 0:24:52Oh... Oops.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Harry! No! He was so young!
0:24:55 > 0:24:59He had so much left to give.
0:24:59 > 0:25:00Right, that's it Barney!
0:25:00 > 0:25:04- Time for you to leave! Get out! - Sorry.- You've damaged Harry Tongue!
0:25:04 > 0:25:07- At least he can play squash now. - Get out!- Sorry.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11What a lovely man. Right, I'm glad he's gone now,
0:25:11 > 0:25:14because right now I'm going to show you some of the best LOLs
0:25:14 > 0:25:16from around the world.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20It's time for Hacker's Top 5 Presenting Howlers!
0:25:20 > 0:25:24At 5, it's the classic Blue Peter moment
0:25:24 > 0:25:28where Andy's trying to operate a mechanical bike.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Check this out. It's an eRanger. Ohh...
0:25:31 > 0:25:34LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
0:25:34 > 0:25:36I knew it! I knew it!
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Humans and their fickle machines!
0:25:38 > 0:25:43At 4, this weather lady is literally getting covered in weather.
0:25:43 > 0:25:49Be careful, love, it's raining! Oh, no, it's inside-out!
0:25:49 > 0:25:52You'll never get your money back! In at 3,
0:25:52 > 0:25:55- time for a spot of cooking. - I'm going to stick that...
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Andy, no. Not after the motorbike.
0:25:57 > 0:25:58- Like this.- Oh!
0:25:58 > 0:26:00LAUGHTER
0:26:00 > 0:26:04She's really dropped the ball there. The doughball, that is!
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Ha-ha-ha! Who writes this up?
0:26:07 > 0:26:12At 2, TV favourite Steve Backshall with a peregrine falcon.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15Oh, let's just hope it doesn't poo!
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Over the years, the absolute bane of my life
0:26:17 > 0:26:19has been people complaining...
0:26:19 > 0:26:23about peregrines pooing on the ground while they're talking. Thank you!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Just completely upstaged me!
0:26:25 > 0:26:32And at 1, what else but some naughty dogs attacking presenters? Ha!
0:26:32 > 0:26:37- Ouch!- Here we go. Now, those two look like they need a good wash.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41Give her a good licking! Go on, that's it! Lick her forehead!
0:26:41 > 0:26:44But be careful, don't get dog hair on the chairs!
0:26:44 > 0:26:47No, don't jump. Don't jump! LAUGHTER
0:26:47 > 0:26:49What are they like?!
0:26:49 > 0:26:52You wouldn't catch me jumping up at Barney Harwood.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Unless of course he's got a bit of wafer-thin ham on his chin!
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Anyway, that's all we've got time for today.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00I've had my nic nacs in on a short cycle,
0:27:00 > 0:27:02so I need to get back home and hang them out to dry.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Thanks to Barney Hardboard for joining me today
0:27:05 > 0:27:08and banging on about Blue Peter like he does. I'll see you next time.
0:27:08 > 0:27:13But for now, here's my dead good song. Good day to ye!
0:27:15 > 0:27:17# That is it for now the end of the show
0:27:17 > 0:27:20# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go
0:27:20 > 0:27:22# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:22 > 0:27:24# Put it in your diary it's called Hacker Time!
0:27:24 > 0:27:27# It's been amazing we've been larking around
0:27:27 > 0:27:29# And we've been LOLing at some clips that I found
0:27:29 > 0:27:32# Watch again next time cos I got much more
0:27:32 > 0:27:34# There'll be tons of other funny stuff, it will be top drawer!
0:27:34 > 0:27:39# Barney Harwood, Blue Peter bloke popped in and got involved
0:27:39 > 0:27:41# We had a chat, I sang a song
0:27:41 > 0:27:44# And then I covered him in nonsense and it was comedy gold!
0:27:44 > 0:27:46# That is it for now the end of the show
0:27:46 > 0:27:48# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go
0:27:48 > 0:27:50# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:50 > 0:27:53# Put it in your diary it's called Hacker Time!
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# Put it in your diary it's called Hacker Time!
0:27:55 > 0:27:58# That is the end of today's Hacker Time!
0:27:58 > 0:28:01Oh, not you! Oh...