0:00:02 > 0:00:04# You got to watch this
0:00:06 > 0:00:07# You got to watch this
0:00:09 > 0:00:11# You got to watch this
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# My, my, my, my programme hits you so hard
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# Makes me say, "Oh, my word"
0:00:17 > 0:00:21# Thank you for watching me, it's telly but not what you normally see
0:00:21 > 0:00:25# Feels good, there's outtakes too Comedy gets eclipsed, it's true
0:00:25 > 0:00:29# Sit back, don't move too much This is the show you can't touch
0:00:29 > 0:00:31# Stop. Hacker time. #
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Thank you.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Standby, studio. On air in 20 seconds.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Wooooo!
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Hello? Who's there?
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Wooooooo!
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Who's there?!
0:00:43 > 0:00:47Boo! You're all right, folks! It's me!
0:00:47 > 0:00:50I'm just getting in the mood for today's spooky special.
0:00:50 > 0:00:56Derek! Never do that again!
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Lolly! Get off me! Stop it!
0:00:59 > 0:01:00Oooh! Cue Hacker!
0:01:11 > 0:01:13You all right?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Ow, me nose!
0:01:17 > 0:01:21This isn't going right! Herman, bring on the bats!
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Yes, Mr Hacker.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27- What's that?!- A bat!
0:01:27 > 0:01:30I meant the animal bat, not a cricket bat!
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Ooh, right, er, sorry, Mr Hacker.
0:01:35 > 0:01:40Ouch! Me spinal column! Derek, do the menu.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43- Ooh, er, yes, Mr Hacker! Press that.- OK.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47Coming up today: Scary children, vampire dogs...
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Oooh, yes!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52..and evil cats.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56That's going to bruise!
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Anyway, as I was trying to demonstrate,
0:01:59 > 0:02:02today's programme is a spooky, vampire-themed special.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05I predict my guests will be dropping in shortly.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Wilf, Herman, go get 'em!
0:02:09 > 0:02:11- Yes, Mr Hacker. - I'll fire up the van.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Ha, ha, ha!
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Well, he gets slayed. Gutted. It was always going to happen.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24- Can't believe they put that in there.- Always going to happen.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28- Stay there, folks. Off you go, Wilf.- Off we go.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34I'll just reverse it.
0:02:34 > 0:02:39Please welcome today's special guests, Gerran and Clare,
0:02:39 > 0:02:41aka Vlad and Ingrid from Young Dracula!
0:02:41 > 0:02:45Hi, Hacker. Any reason you just had us thrown into the back of a van?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I thought you could be guests today on Hacker Time!
0:02:48 > 0:02:51I'm doing a spooky special. I've been practising a spooky voice.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- Do you want to hear it?- Go on then.
0:02:53 > 0:02:58(IN LOW VOICE) Hello, welcome to Hacker Time. It's rather good.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Don't judge me and don't leave.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Thank you very much. What do you think?
0:03:02 > 0:03:06It's quite good but I don't think that's enough reason to make us stay.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09I've based the whole episode of Hacker Time today
0:03:09 > 0:03:11around your programme.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14That's good but still not going to cut it.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- I've got Harry Tongue. - Harry Tongue?!
0:03:20 > 0:03:24I love Harry Tongue! Could you get me an autograph?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- Yeah, I suppose I could.- We'll stay! - Right then, folks.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30I've prepared something about you pair for people at home
0:03:30 > 0:03:33who may not know or indeed care about who you are.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- Gerran, pull that lever. - This one?
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- Not that one, the other one! - This big one.- Good work.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Gerran and Clare act in Young Dracula on CBBC.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46They're lovely people and they've never met a dog as nice as me.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47Hold on, I'm top dog round here.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51They've starred in Young Dracula now for quite a few years.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Clare, you must have earned enough money by now to buy a new skirt.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57That one's been a right mess since you put it on hot wash by accident.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01At least they come from a happy family. Oh, come on, guys,
0:04:01 > 0:04:03let's try another family photo.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Oh, heck, what a load of miserable moo-ies.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08At least Clare is a sensible girl, isn't she?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Although that didn't stop her gluing her hands together.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Look at the state of this. Oh, well. Gerran is more clever.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17He loves to read books. Hang on, there's nothing in that, Gerran,
0:04:17 > 0:04:20although he does have a very interesting back of his head.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Look, they're enthralled by it.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Now, Gerran and Clare, oh, sorry, that's just a picture of an avocado.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29That reminds me to get one of those on the way home.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31I'm delighted Gerran and Clare are here today.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35- All you ever do is lie to me. - No, I don't, I do need the avocado.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Ladies and gentlemen, it's Gerran and Clare,
0:04:38 > 0:04:41aka whatsit and thingy from Young Dracula.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- Did you enjoy that?- Rubbish.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Yeah, yeah, but apart from that it was bang on!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49I do have an interesting back of head.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51It is lovely. You've done a good job with that.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Anyway, you two have a lot of fans out there.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Not as many as I have, obviously.
0:04:56 > 0:05:01There's still a few people who want to hear you blathering on a bit.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03I shall now conduct an interview!
0:05:03 > 0:05:06You have dead good special effects on Young Dracula,
0:05:06 > 0:05:10so I've decided Hacker Time should give you a run for your money.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13I am now going to dart around the studio at high speed.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Watch me go! Run, run, run.
0:05:16 > 0:05:21You all right, cocker? I am Hacker and that.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Run, run, run. Lightning speed there.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- What do you think of that, Gerran? - That wasn't you.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30I think you'll find it was me, young fellow.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Clare, do you like to look at old embarrassing photos of yourself
0:05:33 > 0:05:34from when you were younger?
0:05:34 > 0:05:40- No.- Well, I do. Let's have a little look at them.- Oh, no!
0:05:40 > 0:05:43What are you wearing? Look at the state of that.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Is that a tablecloth or something?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- Oh, no!- Let's have a look at the next one. Still two.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Oh, no!
0:05:50 > 0:05:53- What are you doing there?- What a disgrace. What were you thinking of?
0:05:53 > 0:05:57- I was about to go down the bogey hole.- That's what they all say.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- Image three. Look at the state of that.- Oh, no!
0:06:00 > 0:06:03What on earth have you done to Doc Martin?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- He's fallen in some manure, I think. - He's covered in residue.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10Now, I'm not the only one who wants to ask you ridiculous questions.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13There are some big Young Dracula fans on the phone
0:06:13 > 0:06:16who want to know more. Pick up your phones.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Clare, elevate the antenna for maximum reception.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Who's on line one?
0:06:22 > 0:06:26- Hello. Is that Hacker T Dog? - Yes it is. What's your question?
0:06:26 > 0:06:27Question?
0:06:27 > 0:06:29No, I'm phoning to inform you that you are late
0:06:29 > 0:06:31paying your electricity bill.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34You're two months behind and if you don't pay soon,
0:06:34 > 0:06:36we're going to cut you off.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Oh budgies!
0:06:38 > 0:06:42You offered to pay in string last time, and I've looked into it
0:06:42 > 0:06:46and can confirm that that is not a valid payment option.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50Oh, no. Hang up, guys, quick! Hang up!
0:06:50 > 0:06:54That's all gone adrift, hasn't it? Let's do something else.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58Gerran, what do you think the scariest moment has been
0:06:58 > 0:06:59in Young Dracula thus far?
0:06:59 > 0:07:03- Renfield's teeth are quite scary. - Oh, yes. What about you, Clare?
0:07:03 > 0:07:06We did an episode last year where we had a big mirror
0:07:06 > 0:07:09with gargoyles around it, which were fairly terrifying.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Good answers, guys. Top draw work. You've done me proud.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16I'm going to show you my scariest bit now. You'll like this.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Look at that.
0:07:36 > 0:07:43SONG: "MACARENA"
0:07:45 > 0:07:46Not expecting that.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51- What do you think, Cocker? - That was brilliant.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53You should've put that in. Would've made it better.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Right, next on Hacker Time,
0:07:55 > 0:07:59I'm going to do a small presentation about staples. Lesson one.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Sorry, Mr Hacker, but that's not going to happen.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04It's time for my part of the show now!
0:08:04 > 0:08:06We've been through this, Derek.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09You cannot have your own section of my show!
0:08:09 > 0:08:10I'm in charge.
0:08:10 > 0:08:15I guess I'll just have to show the viewers at home the photograph.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Not the photograph!
0:08:25 > 0:08:26On second thoughts,
0:08:26 > 0:08:29I could do with putting my feet up for a couple of minutes.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Yes, you take the reins. Cheers, Derek.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Here we go then, Derek fans.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Time for your favourite part of the show.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Whoooooo! It's Derek Time.
0:08:43 > 0:08:48It's a spooky Derek Time today but we've not got time to show you
0:08:48 > 0:08:50the cat that has turned to the dark side...
0:08:50 > 0:08:52CAT MOANS
0:08:57 > 0:09:01..or when he broke out and scared off a family of geese.
0:09:01 > 0:09:08Bird time! Bird time! Bird time!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11You leave them alone! They're in a protected area.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Now, it's time for today's scariest clip.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19And clips don't get much scarier than this.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Look out! It's the dog people!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Look at their exquisite table manners.
0:09:24 > 0:09:29Hold on a minute, have they been shaving their hands?
0:09:29 > 0:09:33Ooh, I need a lie down and a ginger biscuit after that.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Back to you, Hacker. Oooooh!
0:09:36 > 0:09:41I want him gone, Herman! He's an outrage to all the senses.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Oh hello! Thanks, Derek. Fascinating as usual. Now where was I?
0:09:45 > 0:09:49Oh, yes. Is everything all right for you, Gerran and Clare?
0:09:49 > 0:09:51The light isn't too bright, is it?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53I know you vampires aren't keen on too much daylight.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56- You all right? Don't worry. - No, no, Hacker. We're fine.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59We're not actually real vampires.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03- You're not?- No, we just play vampires in Young Dracula.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04It's all pretend really.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08Oh, I see. I thought you were vampires and that.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12It's the story of my life actually.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15I'd love to meet a vampire and I've been let down.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20There's only one way I can redeem this and that is sing about my woes
0:10:20 > 0:10:24by the medium of song. Hit it.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27# Over the years I've gotten around
0:10:27 > 0:10:31# And witnessed some extraordinary sights
0:10:31 > 0:10:35# Like a self conscious stoat A bohemian goat
0:10:35 > 0:10:39# And an anxious cow in Stoke wearing tan-coloured tights
0:10:39 > 0:10:42# Played tiddlywinks with the Egyptian sphinx
0:10:42 > 0:10:45# And holidayed in Rhyl with swans
0:10:45 > 0:10:50# Seen a cat throw a pot Met a cross-stitching fox
0:10:50 > 0:10:54# And made an oxtail soup with a lizard called Don
0:10:54 > 0:10:58# My life has been somewhat eclectic
0:10:58 > 0:11:01# No-one knows that more than me
0:11:01 > 0:11:04# But I'm still feeling rather unfulfilled
0:11:04 > 0:11:09# There remains one thing I'd like to see
0:11:09 > 0:11:12# Sure an ape would be great if it baked me a cake
0:11:12 > 0:11:15# But I'm afraid that's not enough for me
0:11:15 > 0:11:19# Cos the one final thing left to which I aspire
0:11:19 > 0:11:24# Is to meet a real vampire. #
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Did somebody want me?
0:11:28 > 0:11:34A vampire! A real orange vampire. With a big cape on.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36I'm frightened. I'm frightened of that vampire.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39It looks like it might have been called Claude or something.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43Right! I've had enough of this show. I'm writing a complaint.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Benjamin! Take a letter!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47OK, Frank!
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Dear the BBC,
0:11:50 > 0:11:54I feel I must express my disgust at the latest episode of Hacker Time.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57It promised to be a spooky, vampire-themed show.
0:11:57 > 0:12:03But the only scary things in it are the jokes. Benjamin?! Benjamin?!
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Where have you gone? I specifically told you to take a letter!
0:12:07 > 0:12:09And that's just what I did!
0:12:09 > 0:12:12But that belongs to the alphabet!
0:12:12 > 0:12:16Uh-oh! I've done a bad-bad!
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Benjamin! Benjamin! Benjamin!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Did you just hear something?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Yeah, I did. Did you, Hacks?
0:12:23 > 0:12:27I wouldn't worry, it's probably just a crowd of my adoring fans!
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Right then, viewers, don't go anywhere cos there's plenty to come.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33It's at least as badly thought through as what you've already seen.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Derek, the menu!
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Still to come on today's spooky Hacker Time.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Scary dancing, horrifying acting...
0:12:41 > 0:12:47- Help me, Father, I think the end is nigh.- And a really freaky lemur.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55What a top drawer selection of treats still to come.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58So, Gerran and Clare.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Sometimes, young Dracula's a bit scary.
0:13:01 > 0:13:06- So I want to see if you two can pull scary faces?- Scary faces, OK.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10That's a no, then!
0:13:10 > 0:13:13I barely made any lav-lav when you did that.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16But I think I do know some people who can do it a lot better.
0:13:16 > 0:13:21Talk amongst yourselves, cockers! I'm off! Noooo, yes!
0:13:21 > 0:13:22Here we go.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42- You all right, cockers? - Hi, Hacker.- Are you all right?
0:13:42 > 0:13:48- Could you lot teach me how to pull a scary face?- Yes.- Go on then.
0:13:49 > 0:13:56Oh, madam, stop it, yes, no! Herman, bring in the box of stuff.
0:13:56 > 0:14:03Here you go, Hacker. Here's your box. Would someone get help?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- Oh, what are you meant to be? - A zombie.- A zombie?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09What do zombies do?
0:14:11 > 0:14:15Ah, no, it's a zombie. It's a zombie! Oh, hello.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- What are you meant to be? - Bird monster.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Bird monster, that's not funny. I'm not frightened of birds.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25I am frightened of clowns. Argh, a clown bird monster!
0:14:25 > 0:14:26The worst type.
0:14:28 > 0:14:33- Oh, look, are you Barry Chuckle?- No. - What can you do that is frightening?
0:14:33 > 0:14:35This.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38How are you doing that? Where's the bits of string?
0:14:38 > 0:14:43I don't understand how it works. Physics frightens me.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48I understand that mumble language. I'll just translate it.
0:14:48 > 0:14:55I am a vampire. A vampire? No, don't bite me, no, no, no, get off us!
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Just acting, folks.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03A pig rabbit weasel monster.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04What sort of noise do you make?
0:15:04 > 0:15:08- Piggy oink, oink.- Piggy oink, oink? That's terrifying.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12I'm frightened of the pig rabbit weasel monster.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14- What are you meant to be? - A werewolf.- A werewolf.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18- Can you howl like this?- No.- No? You can't howl?- No.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20What can you do?
0:15:21 > 0:15:22I can do that.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35What a beautiful sight. Good day to you.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40So, what have we learnt today? Number one, people have faces.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44Number two, some of those faces are really scary.
0:15:44 > 0:15:51Number three, I like raisins. So sweet and lovely.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55- Thanks for all your help, everyone. See ya.- Bye, Hacker.
0:15:55 > 0:16:01Right, I'm off back to the studio. I'm sure there'll be missing me.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04# Oh what an atmosphere
0:16:04 > 0:16:09# I love a party with a happy atmosphere
0:16:09 > 0:16:12# So let me take you there
0:16:12 > 0:16:15# And you and I'll be dancing in the cool night air... #
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Yoo-hoo! I'm back!
0:16:17 > 0:16:21What's going on? Stop the music, please.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Stop that dancing. Get the lights back to the original setting.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28What's going on? You're not allowed to have fun without me!
0:16:28 > 0:16:30That's one of my favourite songs!
0:16:30 > 0:16:32- Did you not like the dancing? - It wasn't bad.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35What are these costumed characters doing here again?
0:16:35 > 0:16:39- I genuinely don't know.- I think you had better apologise to me.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43- Sorry, Hacker.- And you, costumed characters.- Sorry, Hacker.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46That's better. You two have let me right down.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50You're going to make my TV show look like a low-budget shambles.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53- But it is a low-budget shambles. - Oh, yes!
0:16:56 > 0:17:00- See.- Perfect. Run some howlers, Derek.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08Look here. We've got some EastEnders sat down in the outside world.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11What could possibly go wrong?
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Oh, look, an electrical storm in Walford.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Who'd have thought it?
0:17:16 > 0:17:20Look here, that woman's clearing up. Yes, she is.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Oh, she's broke some of her valuables now.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- More Eastenders. - CRASHING
0:17:26 > 0:17:29- Oh, it's him.- Den, Shhh!
0:17:29 > 0:17:32By any measure, I'd say that is a success.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- You've dropped your picture now. - That was my picture.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37I know, I said that.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40It's pretty creepy and eerie.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44Oh, look, Konnie was startled by her mummy.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Not her mummy. Don't attack him!
0:17:49 > 0:17:52What LOLs, eh?
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Gerran and Clare,
0:17:54 > 0:17:58I have brought you here to take part in my latest dramatic masterpiece.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02- Is that why we're wearing curtains? - I've put together a script for you.
0:18:02 > 0:18:08It's for a fabulous new CBBC drama called Young Hackula.
0:18:13 > 0:18:18Young Hackula? Isn't that just a poor rip off of Young Dracula?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Er, well, yes, it is. What's your problem?
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Just read your script out, you'll love it! Scene one.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Ingrid. I've had another vision. It's the slayers.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31- They're after us again! - But Vlad, where shall we run?
0:18:31 > 0:18:35- We've got nowhere left to go. - You all right, cockers! Do not fear!
0:18:35 > 0:18:43I am Count Hackula, your father! I will help and that. Ooh, yes!
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Father, what do you need to rid ourselves from the slayers?
0:18:47 > 0:18:50- A stake?- Ooh, yes!
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Medium rare, please, with chips and a peppercorn sauce.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Oooh, madam!
0:18:55 > 0:18:58- That doesn't make sense! - Yes, it does!
0:18:58 > 0:19:00You meant stake, like vampires have.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03I meant steak, like the meat produce!
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- It's a gag, it's a joke! - But Young Dracula isn't a comedy!
0:19:06 > 0:19:07You're not kidding, love!
0:19:07 > 0:19:10It needs a few laughs to give it a bit of a boost!
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Scene two.
0:19:12 > 0:19:17Count Hackula. You are so wise and good looking.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21Ooh, thanks Vlad! You're not so bad yourself!
0:19:21 > 0:19:24What else will deter the slayers from reaching us?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Well, there is an ancient vampire saying.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29If there's one thing slayers fear more than anything else,
0:19:29 > 0:19:33it's oranges. Only if it's a blood orange.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Blood orange. Do you get it? It's a joke.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43One more scene to go. You'll like this one. Scene three.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Oh, I'm becoming weak. My powers are fading!
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Help me, Father, I think the end is nigh!
0:19:52 > 0:19:56What's up with you, man? You're a vampire.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00You should enjoy a good coffin. Do you get it?
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Coffin. It's like coughing.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06But a coffin is also what dead people go in. It's a joke.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- Do you get it? - This is getting worse!
0:20:09 > 0:20:13- Who wrote this rubbish?!- Me!
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Hey, FANGS for taking part, guys.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19I knew I can COUNT on you.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Hey, love. Don't BAT your eyelids at me!
0:20:22 > 0:20:26Right, I've had enough. Stop this. Stop it!
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Hacker, this is a load of rubbish!
0:20:28 > 0:20:31We are professional actors and you're making us look really silly.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Wait! Don't go!
0:20:33 > 0:20:37You've not seen the bit where I change into a bat. Look at this.
0:20:37 > 0:20:42- I'm a bat, I'm a bat.- That's just Harry Tongue with wings on.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Right, that does it. I'm sick of this.
0:20:48 > 0:20:56Harry Tongue has been destroyed. I'm giving up being Young Hackula.
0:20:56 > 0:20:57The hair's not my style anyway.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01I'm going to stick to acting in my top drawer drama series,
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Sherlock Bones.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05And in honour of today's spooky theme,
0:21:05 > 0:21:08it's got a slightly evil cat in it! Run it!
0:21:08 > 0:21:11It was an average day in the town of teapot,
0:21:11 > 0:21:14but the strange sense of evil in the air...
0:21:14 > 0:21:18- Oi, put that sign back. - Now, have we got everything?
0:21:18 > 0:21:27Milk, check, pillows, check, oh, the milk, it's gone!
0:21:27 > 0:21:31Oh, hang on. Maybe this is it.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Oh, no, that's the old milk.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01- Did someone say the milk is gone? - Yes, I did.
0:22:01 > 0:22:06Have no fear, for I, Sherlock Bones, am quite good at this sort of thing.
0:22:06 > 0:22:11Whoever has been thieving will not get away with it. You mark my words.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13For nothing escapes my attention.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16I am shrewd, perceptive, handsome,
0:22:16 > 0:22:20which isn't strictly relevant in this case, but it does help.
0:22:20 > 0:22:25- For I have a sixth sense for this type of thing.- Sherlock, she did it.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- Who?- Her.- Meow.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32Baroness Von Cat, Teapot's biggest criminal.
0:22:32 > 0:22:37I might have known it was you. For there is no one more evil.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39I'm just a little kitty.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46- Yes, yes, you are.- You don't fancy her, do you?- No, of course not.
0:22:46 > 0:22:52- She's a cat, an evil, evil cat. - Then arrest her. I saw her do it.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- Are you sure? She is quite pretty, isn't she?- You've lost your senses.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00- Officer, officer? Arrest this cat. - I didn't do it.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Well, I didn't do it, so that just leaves you.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08That is totally ridiculous. Why would I steal from myself?
0:23:08 > 0:23:11- Officer, arrest this man. - It doesn't make any sense.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14- It makes absolutely no sense. - Take him away.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18That just leaves you and me, little lady. What is it to be?
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- Cinema or a biryani? - I don't have time.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24I'll be busy robbing you blind.
0:23:42 > 0:23:48I promise I won't make you act in any more of my low budget series.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Please stay, don't go. Stay!
0:23:50 > 0:23:54You have been such good guests. Don't go.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58All right, but this is your last chance, Hacker.
0:23:58 > 0:24:03Oh, thanks, guys. This show would be nothing without you two!
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Right then, what's next? Oh yes. It's time for you two to leave!
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Thanks for coming in. See ya!
0:24:09 > 0:24:13But you've just spent the last three minutes talking us into coming back!
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Don't worry, turns out I don't need you after all!
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- Charming!- But don't worry.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22I've got you two a little present to say thanks for coming on my show.
0:24:22 > 0:24:27- You two play vampires, don't you? - Yeah.- Who like to drink blood?
0:24:27 > 0:24:33- So I've got you....- Blood? - Are you sick?! No ,tomato juice!
0:24:33 > 0:24:37Make sure you have your five a day in case the slayers come after you.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Right, time for you to leave now. Off you pop!
0:24:40 > 0:24:41Bye then!
0:24:41 > 0:24:46Come back soon. Not too soon, don't take advantage of my good nature.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Mind your head on the way out.
0:24:49 > 0:24:54What lovely people! But I'm glad they've gone.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Because I want to show you some of my favourite
0:24:57 > 0:25:00mysterious LOLs from around the world. It's time for
0:25:00 > 0:25:04Hacker's top five spooky howlers.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11At five, you don't want to mess with this scary nipper. Oooh no!
0:25:11 > 0:25:12Oh, look.
0:25:14 > 0:25:19Ah, look at his face. He's lovely, isn't he?
0:25:19 > 0:25:22What? He's terrified.
0:25:22 > 0:25:28He's funny, him. At four, check out this massive spider.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31You might find it scary, but it doesn't bother me.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Is it over yet?! Oh no!
0:25:41 > 0:25:45In at three, do you think snowmen are cute and lovely? I do!
0:25:45 > 0:25:50Oh, look, a startling snowman.
0:25:50 > 0:25:55He's armless, look. He's armless!
0:25:58 > 0:26:02At two, this lemur can't believe he's been given a part
0:26:02 > 0:26:03in Hacker Time.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10Eurgh! Look at his big saucepan eyes!
0:26:12 > 0:26:15At one, this clip is so terrifying.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18I'm going to leave you to watch it alone.
0:26:31 > 0:26:36It's frightening. Wash your hands, love.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Wash them.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Thank goodness that's over!
0:26:41 > 0:26:44I won't want to look in the mirror the next time I'm in the lav-lav.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Right then, that's all we've got time for today.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Thanks for watching my well good show.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52I'm off now to gloss my skirting boards.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56I'll see you next time unless I get a better offer, obviously.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58I'll leave you today with my catchy little ditty.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00G - g - g - g - see ya!
0:27:02 > 0:27:04# That is it for now the end of the show
0:27:04 > 0:27:07# I need the lav so I'm going to go
0:27:07 > 0:27:09# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:09 > 0:27:12# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time!
0:27:12 > 0:27:14# It's been amazing we've been larking around
0:27:14 > 0:27:16# And we've been LOLing at some clips I found
0:27:16 > 0:27:19# Watch again next time cos I've got much more
0:27:19 > 0:27:21# There'll be tons of funny stuff it'll be top drawer!
0:27:21 > 0:27:26# Two of the stars of Young Dracula popped in to join the fun
0:27:26 > 0:27:28# They did some acting they were rather good
0:27:28 > 0:27:31# It all went wrong when Gerran squashed Harry Tongue
0:27:31 > 0:27:33# That is it for now the end of the show
0:27:33 > 0:27:35# I need the lav lav so I'm going to go
0:27:35 > 0:27:38# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:38 > 0:27:40# Put it in your diary it's called Hacker Time!
0:27:40 > 0:27:42# Put it in your diary it's called Hacker Time!
0:27:42 > 0:27:46# That is the end of today's Hacker Time! #
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Fangs for watching! Ooh, yes!