0:00:02 > 0:00:05'Hacker Time is filmed in front of a disappointed studio audience.'
0:00:05 > 0:00:08Right, everyone, it's series three of Hacker Time,
0:00:08 > 0:00:10so we're going to shake things up!
0:00:10 > 0:00:12First of all, the lemon
0:00:12 > 0:00:14from last series, he's fired!
0:00:14 > 0:00:17DUN-DUN-DUN!
0:00:17 > 0:00:19That means you, Lemon. Come on, get out of here!
0:00:19 > 0:00:22Go on, get out! Ho, ho!
0:00:22 > 0:00:27This needs to be our funniest series yet, so no more low-brow humour.
0:00:27 > 0:00:31- Hey?- No wacky costumes, no stupid voices...
0:00:31 > 0:00:32THEY GASP
0:00:32 > 0:00:36- Can't believe it!- ..and definitely no more falling over and trumping.
0:00:36 > 0:00:37You all right, cockers?
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Whoa!
0:00:39 > 0:00:41PFFFT
0:00:41 > 0:00:43HE GASPS
0:00:43 > 0:00:46People!
0:00:46 > 0:00:48We've got ourselves a show!
0:00:48 > 0:00:50THEY LAUGH
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Hoo-hoo!
0:00:54 > 0:00:55# You gotta watch this
0:00:57 > 0:00:59# You gotta watch this
0:01:01 > 0:01:03# You gotta watch this
0:01:03 > 0:01:07# My, my, my, my programme hits you So hard
0:01:07 > 0:01:09# Makes me say Oh, my word!
0:01:09 > 0:01:11# Thank you for watching me It's telly
0:01:11 > 0:01:13# But not what you normally see
0:01:13 > 0:01:14# It feels good There's out-takes, too
0:01:14 > 0:01:16# Comedy, guests and clips It's true
0:01:16 > 0:01:19# So sit back, don't move too much This is a show
0:01:19 > 0:01:21# Ha! You can't touch
0:01:21 > 0:01:22# Stop! Hacker Time! #
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Thank you.
0:01:24 > 0:01:29OK, everyone. Counting to on air in seven, six, five...
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Is this a good time to get money off you for Wilf's birthday cake?
0:01:33 > 0:01:36No, it isn't, Herman! Get out!
0:01:36 > 0:01:40On air in three, two, one, and cue.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Seven across rhymes with orange.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Obvious, it's borange. It's bora...
0:01:46 > 0:01:49How do, cockers? Welcome to Hacker Time.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Today I've decided to open the show by telling you
0:01:51 > 0:01:54the best joke I've ever heard. Ready?
0:01:54 > 0:01:56A beaver walks into a shoe shop...
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Mr Hacker? Mr Hacker?
0:01:58 > 0:01:59No, no, no. Not now, Herman.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01A beaver walks into a shoe shop...
0:02:01 > 0:02:03It's very urgent, Mr Hacker!
0:02:03 > 0:02:04No!
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Stop it, off, what are you doing?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I need to get money off everyone for Wilf's birthday cake.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Cake? How much are we giving?
0:02:12 > 0:02:13£2 each.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17No chance, the most I'll stretch to is 7p.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- Now, get out!- All right.- Go on.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23So, as I was saying, a beaver walks into a shoe shop...
0:02:23 > 0:02:25HE LAUGHS
0:02:25 > 0:02:26That's the joke.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30I mean, why would a beaver walk into a shoe shop?
0:02:30 > 0:02:33I'll have you know that I work very hard
0:02:33 > 0:02:36to finance my large shoe collection.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Upstaged by a beaver!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40METALLIC BANG Again.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42That beaver won't be bothering us any more.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45He's off enjoying the patio I've just dug for him.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49My guests today are true CBBC royalty.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Even though they're both over 200 years old,
0:02:52 > 0:02:54they're still stars to me.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Larry, send 'em in!
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Sure thing, Hacker.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Ladies and gentlemen,
0:03:00 > 0:03:03please give it up for today's very special guests.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05They're double trouble!
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- HE LAUGHS - It's...
0:03:07 > 0:03:10The Chuckle Brothers!
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Oh! What are you two doing here?
0:03:13 > 0:03:17That owl-faced man, Derek McGoo or something, he invited us.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19He means me! Hoo-hoo!
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Hacker, we don't appreciate you saying we're 200 years old.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23I mean, he nearly is, but I'm not!
0:03:23 > 0:03:26I was talking about the Chuckle Brothers! Who are you two?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Are you the guys I booked to unblock the toilet?
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Hacker, you know who we are. We're Sam & Mark.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Oh, yeah! Sam & Mark!
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Never heard of you.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39You just stay there, I'm sure it's just a disastrous
0:03:39 > 0:03:40and irreversible mix up.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Derek! Who are they?!
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Unbelievable.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Derek, these two are rubbish!
0:03:46 > 0:03:48They can't do anything funny with
0:03:48 > 0:03:50a pane of glass or a ladder or something.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51I wanted the Chuckle Brothers!
0:03:51 > 0:03:54But Sam & Mark are CBBC royalty!
0:03:54 > 0:03:56CBBC Boilty, more like.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59- What?- I don't know what that means, either.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Hacker, watch this.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Sam and Mark first met years ago on Pop Idol.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07It's like the X Factor, but old.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Since then, they've become household names,
0:04:09 > 0:04:12presenting some show where Fearne Cotton messed up their hair,
0:04:12 > 0:04:14as well as TMi, TMi Friday,
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Skate Nation, Copycats and
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20They've done everything, which is all you need to know
0:04:20 > 0:04:21about Sam & Mark.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23That is all well and good,
0:04:23 > 0:04:26but can they turn a simple DIY task into utter chaos?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Forget about the Chuckle Brothers!
0:04:29 > 0:04:31But I wanted the Chuckle Brothers!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Just get out there.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34That way!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- HERMAN:- 'Yeah, guys, this is my main one...'
0:04:36 > 0:04:39But I'm hoping to get a steel string off me mum for me birthday.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Do you know what, Herman?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- We've been looking for a new guitarist for our band.- Oh, yeah.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Absolutely. Come and have a jam with us any time, mate.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's all this filthy talk about jam?
0:04:49 > 0:04:54- Herman, get on out of here! - Yes, Mr Hacker.- Go on.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Oh, I'm sorry about him.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58He's like a Christmas cracker, him.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01One disappointing joke and a hat.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Now, it would appear that we are stuck with each other
0:05:04 > 0:05:06so let's make the best of it.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Samuel! What are you doing?
0:05:08 > 0:05:11I'm just texting Herman the address to the jamming session.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13I'll pretend you didn't just say that!
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Let's move on and find out what's coming up.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Larry!
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Put your phones away, folks, because, coming up on today's
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Hacker Time, Sam and Mark react to something funny.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26THEY LAUGH
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Welcome to a new hard-hitting medical documentary, Casually.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33And let's have a big hand for...a big hand!
0:05:33 > 0:05:36I tell you, you'll laugh till you're hoarse.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37HORSE NEIGHS
0:05:37 > 0:05:39All to come on Hacker Time!
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Looks good, don't it, cockers?
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Right, are you ready for some in-depth questioning?
0:05:44 > 0:05:46- Big time.- Yeah.- Bring it.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Here it goes.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Sam, what I like about you is how you react in a unique way
0:05:50 > 0:05:54every time you learn something interesting. Behold!
0:05:54 > 0:05:55Interesting.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56Interesting.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Interesting. Interesting.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Interesting. Interesting.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Interesting, that.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02LAUGHTER
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Hey, Sam, do you know any other words?
0:06:04 > 0:06:07I... It would appear not.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10You know the word "appear", though, cos you just said it.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Yeah!
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Hey, did you know that I used to be in a double act?
0:06:14 > 0:06:15- No!- I didn't know that.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17But it didn't go as well as planned.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Do you think we should start wearing matching suits?
0:06:20 > 0:06:23"No, I'm embarrassed to know you!"
0:06:23 > 0:06:25How dare you? "I dare!"
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Well, stop daring, it's not nice!
0:06:28 > 0:06:29"I'll do whatever I want!"
0:06:29 > 0:06:31The double act was over after that.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Anyway, it's about time I asked
0:06:33 > 0:06:35some lovely, proper questions, isn't it?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Yeah, come on. Come on. Yes, ready.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40You two have been around since the Dark Ages.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Here's photographic evidence.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44THEY LAUGH
0:06:44 > 0:06:47- That's you, Sam, looking like you need a good wash there.- I do.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- Look at the beard! That's horrendous! - Rebel days, that.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51I want to be in McFly.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53And here's you, Mark,
0:06:53 > 0:06:57looking like a middle-aged, female EastEnders character.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Yeah!
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Look at the state of you!
0:07:00 > 0:07:02What were you thinking there?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04I have absolutely no idea.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07It's like you're auditioning to be on Friday Download.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09THEY LAUGH
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Oh, you! Now, you two boys are currently known for presenting
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up,
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- where you surprise members of the audience, don't you?- Yes.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19To find out who's getting the surprise,
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Finger of Fun, find us someone!
0:07:25 > 0:07:27- # Who's it gonna be? - # Who's it gonna be?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29# Who is it going to be?
0:07:29 > 0:07:30# Who's it gonna be? #
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Oh, no! Not me!
0:07:32 > 0:07:34# Who's it gonna be? #
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Go that way!
0:07:36 > 0:07:38# Who's it gonna be?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- # Who's it gonna be? - # Who's it gonna be? #
0:07:40 > 0:07:41It's not going to be him, is it?
0:07:41 > 0:07:42# Who's it gonna be?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44# Who's it gonna be? #
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Oh, Mark, it's you! What a surprise!
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Now, Mark, are you ready for the surprise of your life?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52- Have I got a choice?- No.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53All right, then, I'm ready.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- Now, you know your sister Sue?- Yeah.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58You know how Sue lives in a house?
0:07:58 > 0:07:59Yeah.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Is it this house?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05That's the one. That's the one!
0:08:05 > 0:08:07THEY LAUGH
0:08:07 > 0:08:11Yes, that's right! We went to your sister's house.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Let's see what happened next.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Susan! Susan!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21SAM: Hey!
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Hello! We're doing some filming for Hacker Time!
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Oh, I hate that show.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Do you?
0:08:27 > 0:08:29She's not a... Susan?
0:08:29 > 0:08:31She's not a fan.
0:08:31 > 0:08:32She's not a fan.
0:08:32 > 0:08:33Susan, come on!
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Sue... Sue...
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Sue, help me out! Sue, please!
0:08:37 > 0:08:38I need your help, Sue!
0:08:38 > 0:08:40It's only for...
0:08:40 > 0:08:43- Oh, nice one!- Well, what a waste of time that was.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Did you enjoy all those wind-ups, Sam and Mark?
0:08:46 > 0:08:48That was wicked!
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- I- can't believe what my sister said...
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- Good old Sue!- I thought she loved your show...
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Cheers, Sue. Thanks for nothing!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56She'll not be watching, she hates the show.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57She's not a fan, is she?
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Anyway, you two are starting to wind me right up.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02I'm bored of all this question asking and that.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04What's coming up next, Larry?
0:09:04 > 0:09:07It's time now for a brand-new documentary
0:09:07 > 0:09:09that will make you feel sick...
0:09:09 > 0:09:12with joy! It's Casually.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14SIREN BLARES
0:09:14 > 0:09:17NARRATOR: 'This is Nilbymouth Hospital.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20'In this weeks episode, tears...'
0:09:20 > 0:09:23PATIENT LAUGHS
0:09:23 > 0:09:25'..trauma...'
0:09:25 > 0:09:26Nurse, he's got me swab!
0:09:26 > 0:09:29- '..and disappointment.' - I don't believe this!
0:09:29 > 0:09:33Cold carrot mash again. Oh, no!
0:09:33 > 0:09:35'This is Casually.'
0:09:37 > 0:09:39SIREN BLARES
0:09:51 > 0:09:54'The doctors here at Nilbymouth Hospital are renowned
0:09:54 > 0:09:56'for their professionalism.'
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Hello, Mum!
0:09:59 > 0:10:02'It's the job of senior surgeon Dr Side-Parting to lead
0:10:02 > 0:10:05'his junior doctors in checking on patients.'
0:10:05 > 0:10:08I know all the patients by their first names.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Isn't that right, Janet?
0:10:10 > 0:10:12It's Steve!
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Oh, you'll never get better with that attitude!
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- DR POX:- Now, if you care to take a look at the next patient,
0:10:17 > 0:10:19he has a mystery condition.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21MACHINE BEEPS
0:10:21 > 0:10:24- SIDE-PARTING:- Well, it's obvious. He's green.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26I've always been green! Hoo-hoo!
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Well then, stop wasting my time. Next!
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- Scalpel.- 'Junior doctor, Dr Pox,
0:10:32 > 0:10:35'is in her first week at the hospital...'
0:10:35 > 0:10:38- Swab.- '..and has already been showing her competitive side.'
0:10:38 > 0:10:39Scissors.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Paper.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Ah, stone beats scissors! I win!
0:10:48 > 0:10:51OBJECTS CRASH
0:10:51 > 0:10:54'Fellow junior doctor, Dr Scab,
0:10:54 > 0:10:57'isn't finding his first week so easy.'
0:10:57 > 0:11:00As you can see from your X-ray, you've got the body of a dog
0:11:00 > 0:11:02and a brain the size of a pea.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Are you sure that's right?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Oh, yes. The X-ray machine never lies.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11I mean, I should know. I was standing in it the entire time.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Exactly!
0:11:13 > 0:11:16You asked me to wait outside while you stood in the machine!
0:11:16 > 0:11:20Oh, what am I like?
0:11:20 > 0:11:24I'm always getting it the wrong way round! Come on, back we go.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26No dawdling!
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Oh, me broken leg.
0:11:29 > 0:11:34It's 4pm in the ward and one patient is busy picking her nose.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37# Do, do, do...#
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Ah, yes. I shall have that one!
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Right, let's see what your X-ray shows this time.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Oh! I don't believe this!
0:11:52 > 0:11:55I know. Yes, turns out it was body of a dog,
0:11:55 > 0:11:58brain of a pea syndrome after all.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00No, but you've got it wrong again!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02What seems to be the problem here?
0:12:02 > 0:12:04He X-rayed himself instead of me!
0:12:04 > 0:12:07It's perfectly obvious what's happened here.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Your terrible syndrome has made you hysterical.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Now, get this man a chew toy!
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- Oh!- There's a good doggy.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16I love being doctor.
0:12:16 > 0:12:17SINGS TO MUSIC
0:12:19 > 0:12:20'Next week, the doctors
0:12:20 > 0:12:22'make a shocking discovery.'
0:12:22 > 0:12:24I don't believe it!
0:12:24 > 0:12:27I've been doing some detailed internet research
0:12:27 > 0:12:28and look what I've found!
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Goats that sound like humans!
0:12:31 > 0:12:33'Hello, I'm a goat!'
0:12:33 > 0:12:34'Only on Casually.'
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Who'd have thought that was made by a dog?
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Doesn't show, does it, cockers?
0:12:42 > 0:12:46- No.- Now, Sam and Mark, you've known each other for ages, haven't you?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- Ages.- But Sam, what do you prefer?
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Mark or laminate flooring?
0:12:50 > 0:12:52- Laminate flooring.- Mark or meringue?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54- Meringue.- Mark or stoat juice?
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Stoat juice, definitely.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58- Mark or angry badgers? - Definitely angry badgers.- Mark or...
0:12:58 > 0:13:02Oh, no, Lolly! This could go on for ever!
0:13:02 > 0:13:06- We're going to have to play the emergency film.- Well, do it quickly.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08The viewers will be starting to switch off.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Hoo-hoo! Not once they see this!
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Hoo-hoo!
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Hello, Derek McGee here. Hoo-hoo!
0:13:20 > 0:13:24And today's Derek Time is a celebrity special.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26First, Barney the dog is still
0:13:26 > 0:13:29traumatised by penguins after the last
0:13:29 > 0:13:30expedition to the North Pole.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Oh, it's all right, Barney. This one's not real!
0:13:33 > 0:13:36He won't steal your flask this time!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Is that Helen in the background there?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Skelton! Get him a moist towelette, will you?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43It's going to go everywhere.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Dizzee Rascal lives up to his dizzy name.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Hey, look, here comes Dizzee now!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51He looks all over the place, doesn't he?
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Oh, there he goes. Hoo-hoo!
0:13:53 > 0:13:55And Hacker T Dog gets rave reviews
0:13:55 > 0:13:57from critics for his new show.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Yes, I tune into Hacker Time all the time.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04That dog is almost as funny as me. Now, give me my own show!
0:14:04 > 0:14:06That's it for Derek Time.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Hopefully things are back to normal in the Hacker Time studio.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Ta-ra for now! Hoo-hoo!
0:14:11 > 0:14:13- Derek!- What now, Mother?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- Mark or curling?- Curling.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- Mark or submarines?- Submarines.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Mark or being slapped about the face with a wet fish?
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- Mark.- Yay! I knew you were best mates, cockers!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Would you be interested to hear my thoughts
0:14:27 > 0:14:29on the concept of friendship?
0:14:29 > 0:14:30No, not really. You've done enough.
0:14:30 > 0:14:35Tough! I've planned it now, cockers! Hit it, Herman!
0:14:35 > 0:14:37# Friends will help tie your shoes
0:14:37 > 0:14:39# If they learn how to first
0:14:40 > 0:14:43# Friends won't stop and stare at you
0:14:43 > 0:14:45# If you fall in the dirt... #
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Oh, it's gone everywhere.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49# Friends will stand up for you when
0:14:49 > 0:14:51# You call your teacher "Mum"
0:14:51 > 0:14:54# Friends will help you get up if
0:14:54 > 0:14:55# You fall down on your... #
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Hang on, I can't say bum.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59# Friends will say that you look nice
0:14:59 > 0:15:01# In your deer-stalker hat... #
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Oooh!
0:15:03 > 0:15:05# Friends will help you get rid of
0:15:05 > 0:15:07# A particularly offensive cat... #
0:15:07 > 0:15:09CAT MEOWS
0:15:09 > 0:15:11# Friends will laugh at your old jokes
0:15:11 > 0:15:13# As if they were brand-new... #
0:15:13 > 0:15:14So, a beaver...
0:15:14 > 0:15:16# Friends won't moan if you leave the toilet
0:15:16 > 0:15:18# Smelling of... #
0:15:18 > 0:15:19Hold on, I can't say poo!
0:15:19 > 0:15:22# Friends will ask to share your chips
0:15:22 > 0:15:24# But never buy them back
0:15:24 > 0:15:27# Friends are always reminding you
0:15:27 > 0:15:30# Of the qualities that you lack
0:15:30 > 0:15:32# Friends want you to go and play
0:15:32 > 0:15:36# When you're sick of seeing their face
0:15:36 > 0:15:38# Friends will tell you that you're weird
0:15:38 > 0:15:41# For eating pizza with a crumpet base... #
0:15:41 > 0:15:42You're weird, mate!
0:15:42 > 0:15:44# Basically every friend I've had
0:15:44 > 0:15:47# Has been an utter disgrace, yes! #
0:15:47 > 0:15:49What do you think, cocker?
0:15:49 > 0:15:50It's a bit negative, isn't it?
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Oh, the truth hurts, Sammy boy.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55What's happening next, Larry?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Stick around, folks, because still to come on today's Hacker Time...
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Mark gets the shock of his life.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05We've given the Four O'Clock Club a Hacker Time makeover.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08And we say hello to Accordion George.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10BOTH: Hi, Accordion George.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12All still to come on Hacker Time!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Now, what makes a good meat paste sandwich?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18First, you get the bread, right,
0:16:18 > 0:16:21and you get it to room temperature...
0:16:21 > 0:16:24I hope Lolly's remembered my birthday. Oh, look!
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Here she comes now.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Hi, Lolly! Are you all right?
0:16:28 > 0:16:32Oh, hi! I came to ask you something.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Oh, right. What is it? Go on.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Well, it's a bit embarrassing, really.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40You can say anything you like to me, Lolly.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- Well, I wanted to ask if... - Yes, yes! What is it?
0:16:44 > 0:16:48If you've got £2 for Wilf's birthday cake.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51I've no idea who he is. He sounds like a right loser.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55But if we're lucky, we might get a slice of cake out of it.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59Yeah, he does sound like a right loser, yeah, but...
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Here's your £2.
0:17:01 > 0:17:02Oh, thanks.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Progress, I suppose, isn't it?
0:17:06 > 0:17:08I'll fire up the van.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11Now, Sam and Mark.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15you two have been making CBBC shows for hundreds of years
0:17:15 > 0:17:18and that's something we should celebrate. Would you like that?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20- We would.- Yeah, definitely.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23We've decided to take two of your most recent programmes
0:17:23 > 0:17:26and combine them in a little programme I like to call...
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Perfect! Can you tell which two of your programmes have inspired this?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36We can. Copycats and Wind-Up.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39No, no. It's Skate Nation and Comic Relief Does Glee Club.
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Ah-ha-ha!
0:17:40 > 0:17:43I'm joking, of course! It is Wind-Up and Copycats.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Even I like a joke, Mark!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- Yeah.- He likes a joke. - I noticed that, Hacker.- Thank you.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Anyway, round one is something I like to call...
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Round One!
0:17:53 > 0:17:56In this round, I'm going to start by winding someone up.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57All you have to do is copy the wind-up.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00- Do you understand me so far?- Easy.- Yes.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03All right, then. Without further ado, let's begin!
0:18:04 > 0:18:08Lolly! I don't like your dress!
0:18:08 > 0:18:10- LOLLY:- Oh, that's a bit rude.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Lolly, I don't like your dress.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17- LOLLY:- Well, if one more person says that...
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- MARK:- Lolly, I don't like your dress!
0:18:21 > 0:18:23- LOLLY:- Right, that's it! Come here!
0:18:23 > 0:18:25- MARK:- Oh!
0:18:25 > 0:18:27HACKER LAUGHS
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Right in the mush!
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Round two is a round I like to call...
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Round Two!
0:18:34 > 0:18:37This game is called Pad on a Wheel.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- It's like Dad on a Wheel. Do you get it?- Good, that.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44Right, Sam. I'm going to show you a picture and you have to copy it.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46And Mark, your job is to guess
0:18:46 > 0:18:47what the picture is.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Does that sound simple enough?
0:18:49 > 0:18:50Yes, I'm usually pretty good at that.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Well, it's not simple, my dear!
0:18:53 > 0:18:54For the wheel will be spinning
0:18:54 > 0:18:58and the loser will face a terrible, terrible consequence!
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- What a twist!- Ha-ha-ha!
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:19:03 > 0:19:05THUNDER CRASHES
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Sam, this is the picture that I want you to draw.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13- So, peer at this card.- Don't look.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Not looking, not looking.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- OK, I've got that. - Your time starts now!
0:19:19 > 0:19:21# You spin me right round, baby
0:19:21 > 0:19:22# Right round
0:19:22 > 0:19:24# Like a record, baby
0:19:24 > 0:19:26# Right round, round, round.. #
0:19:26 > 0:19:27Oh!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29# You spin me right round, baby
0:19:29 > 0:19:30# Right round... #
0:19:30 > 0:19:31I think I've...
0:19:31 > 0:19:33It's getting good, getting good!
0:19:33 > 0:19:34KLAXON BLARES
0:19:34 > 0:19:35Time's up, stop!
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- That's a lovely picture, that, Sam.- Thanks.- Mark.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39- OK.- What is it?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41OK. I'm going to go for...
0:19:41 > 0:19:42map of the world?
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Oh, I'm afraid you're wrong. No.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48It is a series of elaborate squiggles.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Look. There's the original there and look how well Sam's done!
0:19:51 > 0:19:52It looks the same!
0:19:52 > 0:19:54So that means, Mark,
0:19:54 > 0:19:57you must suffer a terrifying and brutal punishment.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00- Herman, come and get him!- What?
0:20:00 > 0:20:02HERMAN LAUGHS
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Round three is a round I like to call...
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Round Three!
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Now, in Copycats, you have a music round, correct?
0:20:16 > 0:20:20- Yes.- And in Wind-Up, you wear underpants of chaos.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21Am I right or am I right?
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Is that why I'm wearing these stupid underpants?
0:20:23 > 0:20:25'Fraid it is, cocker.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28So, in this round, Sam, you're going to play a trumpet
0:20:28 > 0:20:30whilst I repeatedly shock Mark.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33- What?- Don't try this at home. We are professionals.- Wait a minute!
0:20:33 > 0:20:35- I didn't sign up for that. - Mark, just go with it, will you?
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Be a good guest.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Yeah. Let's take it away!
0:20:41 > 0:20:43BUZZ
0:20:43 > 0:20:44BUZZ
0:20:44 > 0:20:47BUZZ BUZZ
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Aargh!
0:20:50 > 0:20:52CONSTANT BUZZING
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Well, that was fun, weren't it?
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Are you all right, mate?
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Mate, can we go home, please?
0:21:02 > 0:21:04CONSTANT BUZZING
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Hoo-hoo!
0:21:07 > 0:21:08That was good, weren't it, Lolly?
0:21:08 > 0:21:12Oh, they should mix more CBBC shows together like that! Imagine!
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Fierce Dumping Ground! Hoo-hoo!
0:21:15 > 0:21:18I don't think so, Derek. Can we watch something else for a bit?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20I'm bored of this.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23MAN: 'Oh, please, please, help me!'
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Oh, disgusting. No.
0:21:25 > 0:21:26What is this now?
0:21:26 > 0:21:28- SCHOOL BELL RINGS - Ooh!
0:21:28 > 0:21:30OK, everybody!
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Detention is about to start,
0:21:32 > 0:21:36so get your pens out and get ready to write, write, write.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Josh, what are you doing?
0:21:38 > 0:21:40I'm trying to get me fluffy pink pen out.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42It's right at the bottom!
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Look at the state of that pencil case!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46You know what you need to do with that?
0:21:46 > 0:21:49# Keep your pencil case tidy
0:21:49 > 0:21:51# Yeah, yeah, yeah
0:21:51 > 0:21:54# Then your life will be easier
0:21:54 > 0:21:56# Can't you see?
0:21:56 > 0:21:58# Look, your rubber shavings are everywhere
0:21:58 > 0:21:59# Throw them in the bin
0:21:59 > 0:22:01# Don't throw them like you don't have a care
0:22:01 > 0:22:03# It's way too big What are you keeping there?
0:22:03 > 0:22:05# I've got my packed lunch And also this bag of hair
0:22:05 > 0:22:08# Josh, your cartridges have exploded
0:22:08 > 0:22:10# Keep a lid on things and don't get angry like I know you did
0:22:10 > 0:22:11# See this protractor?
0:22:11 > 0:22:13# The numbers have faded
0:22:13 > 0:22:14# Chill out, man
0:22:14 > 0:22:15# I'm clearly educated
0:22:15 > 0:22:17# Arrange your life like you arrange your felt tips
0:22:17 > 0:22:19# Put everything in order
0:22:19 > 0:22:20# Especially the important bits
0:22:20 > 0:22:22# Don't graffiti it Drawing on it isn't wise
0:22:22 > 0:22:25# Look, I've drawn a mole And he's got really googly eyes
0:22:25 > 0:22:27# Your case should be individual Just like yourself
0:22:27 > 0:22:29# If you have an untidy one
0:22:29 > 0:22:30# It's bad for your health
0:22:30 > 0:22:31# Mmm, it's not strictly true
0:22:31 > 0:22:32# But keeping a neater you
0:22:32 > 0:22:34# You'll work better at school
0:22:34 > 0:22:35# This much is true
0:22:35 > 0:22:38# So keep your pencil case tidy
0:22:38 > 0:22:40- # Uh-huh - # Keep it tidy
0:22:40 > 0:22:43# Uh-huh Then your life will be easier
0:22:43 > 0:22:45# Can't you see?
0:22:45 > 0:22:48# Keep your pencil case clean
0:22:48 > 0:22:50- # Uh - # Keep it clean now, y'all
0:22:50 > 0:22:53# At least do that right up until
0:22:53 > 0:22:56# You turn 13. #
0:22:56 > 0:23:00So, you've learnt your lesson, right? To keep things tidy and organised.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Of course. And, to prove it, take a look in my locker, why don't you?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Me apparatus.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:23:12 > 0:23:16Ladies and gentlemen, coming up now is the real deal.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19It's the most amazing, fabulous,
0:23:19 > 0:23:21incredible quiz on TV!
0:23:21 > 0:23:25It's something that we like to call...
0:23:25 > 0:23:28CHOIR SINGS
0:23:31 > 0:23:32Right, Sam and Mark.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Inside each of the storage units lies a fun challenge.
0:23:35 > 0:23:36If you do well at them,
0:23:36 > 0:23:39you might just win yourselves a lickle holiday.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41- Are you ready?- Yeah!
0:23:41 > 0:23:44I'm sure that the lovely people at home are dying to find out...
0:23:44 > 0:23:45CHOIR SINGS
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Sam and Mark, time to pick your first storage unit.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Which will it be?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55I reckon we should go for that drawer there...
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Good choice! The side cabinet it is.
0:23:57 > 0:24:02Samuel, lean across and open said side cabinet aloft.
0:24:02 > 0:24:03Which one? That one?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05And, in there, you'll find a gorilla.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09And this challenge is entitled What's It Going To Do To You?
0:24:09 > 0:24:13So, Sam. What do you reckon that gorilla is going to do to you?
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Well, it looks pretty friendly.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17I reckon it wants to shake me hand?
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Let's find out if you're right. Go over to it.
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Hey!
0:24:21 > 0:24:23All right, let me have a go.
0:24:23 > 0:24:24All right. All right, mate?
0:24:24 > 0:24:26GORILLA GROWLS
0:24:26 > 0:24:30I also would have accepted grippage of the face.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Close it up, get rid of that.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Right, now, pick your next storage unit.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37- Watering can?- Good choice!
0:24:37 > 0:24:39The wardrobe it is. Come on out, George!
0:24:39 > 0:24:41# It's Accordion George
0:24:41 > 0:24:43# It's Accordion George
0:24:44 > 0:24:47# It's Accordion George Dabba dabba hoo! #
0:24:47 > 0:24:51George! Say hello to Accordion George, Sam and Mark!
0:24:51 > 0:24:52BOTH: Hello, Accordion George.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Give them a little wave, George! Lovely.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Now, Accordion George is going to play you a popular tune
0:24:58 > 0:25:02on his accordion. All you have to do is guess which song it is.
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Is that all right?
0:25:03 > 0:25:07- OK.- OK.- Accordion George, commence the tune!
0:25:07 > 0:25:12ACCORDION PLAYS
0:25:12 > 0:25:13Oh, One Direction.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16HACKER SINGS TUNE
0:25:16 > 0:25:17THEY SING TUNE
0:25:20 > 0:25:21# Know, oh, oh
0:25:21 > 0:25:24# You don't know you're beautiful. #
0:25:24 > 0:25:26- Yeah!- Yay!
0:25:26 > 0:25:27- Very good.- Thank you, George.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Sam and Mark, what was it?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32One Direction, What Makes You Beautiful.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Let's find out if you're correct.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36# You don't know, oh, oh
0:25:36 > 0:25:38# You don't know you're beautiful... #
0:25:38 > 0:25:40You were correct! It was One Direction,
0:25:40 > 0:25:42What Makes You Beautiful.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46Well done, team. Let's have a big clap for Accordion George!
0:25:46 > 0:25:47Yay!
0:25:47 > 0:25:49All right, George, don't milk it. Shut the door, son.
0:25:49 > 0:25:54Time now to open your final storage unit. Which one will it be?
0:25:54 > 0:25:56- MUTTERS:- The hatbox.
0:25:56 > 0:25:57HACKER COUGHS
0:25:57 > 0:25:59- Hatbox.- Hatbox. - Hatbox, should it be?
0:25:59 > 0:26:01- Good choice!- OK.
0:26:01 > 0:26:02Quick Fire.
0:26:03 > 0:26:04Let's go!
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Name a member of the popular duo, Sam & Mark.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08- Sam!- Mark.- Correct!
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Which one's Sam and which one's Mark?
0:26:10 > 0:26:11- I'm Sam.- I'm Mark.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Name a programme you haven't been in.
0:26:13 > 0:26:14- Flintstones.- Springwatch.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17What do you call a feline that mimics what you do?
0:26:17 > 0:26:19- Copycat.- A nuisance!
0:26:19 > 0:26:20- Knock knock.- Who's there?
0:26:20 > 0:26:22This isn't time for comedy, cockers!
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Will somebody answer the door!
0:26:24 > 0:26:25What's your favourite Smark?
0:26:25 > 0:26:26Am I a Smark?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Do two Smarks make a right?
0:26:28 > 0:26:29- Yes.- How many Smarks?
0:26:29 > 0:26:31- Which Smark?- Seven.
0:26:31 > 0:26:32KLAXON BLARES
0:26:32 > 0:26:35That's it. Your time's up. How did they do, Derek?
0:26:35 > 0:26:36CALCULATOR BEEPS
0:26:36 > 0:26:38They scored minus 12-teen, Hacker!
0:26:38 > 0:26:41That means only one thing! You've won the holiday! Yes!
0:26:41 > 0:26:43You're going to the Arctic!
0:26:43 > 0:26:46- What? No, no. - I don't know about that.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Too bad, you're going! You're going, cockers!
0:26:49 > 0:26:50Herman, take 'em away!
0:26:50 > 0:26:52- HERMAN:- Go on, then. This way.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Thanks for coming in, Sam and Mark.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56- See you!- Bye. Enjoy the holiday!
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Thanks for watching my little show today. I'm off home now.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03And just for the record, I've got no plans whatsoever.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07I'm just going to sit in silence and think about scaffolding.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10But you said you were too busy to come to my birthday party.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Yep. No plans whatsoever.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17All that's left for me to do now is saying my fantastic song. Join in!
0:27:17 > 0:27:20You must know the words by now, cockers!
0:27:24 > 0:27:26# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:27:26 > 0:27:29# I need the lav lav so I'm going to go
0:27:29 > 0:27:31# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:31 > 0:27:34# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time
0:27:34 > 0:27:36# It's been amazing, we've been larking around
0:27:36 > 0:27:38# The whole programme cost just under a pound
0:27:38 > 0:27:41# Watch again next time cos we've got much more
0:27:41 > 0:27:44# There'll be tons of other funny stuff, it will be top drawer
0:27:44 > 0:27:46# Sam and Mark were here today
0:27:46 > 0:27:48# What a great pair of friends
0:27:48 > 0:27:51# But when I sent Sam to the Antarctic
0:27:51 > 0:27:53# Their partnership nearly came to a very sudden end
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:27:55 > 0:27:58# I need the lav lav so I'm going to go
0:27:58 > 0:28:00# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:28:00 > 0:28:03# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time
0:28:03 > 0:28:05# Put it in your diary, it's called Hacker Time
0:28:05 > 0:28:08# That is the end of today's Hacker Time! #
0:28:08 > 0:28:11Anyone for a slice of cake?
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd