0:00:04 > 0:00:07Hacker Time is filmed underneath a live studio audience.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09APPLAUSE
0:00:09 > 0:00:12Now, does anybody have an issue they want to discuss?
0:00:12 > 0:00:13I have, cockers.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17It's come to my attention that I do not have a catch phrase.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19I mean, you lot have one, don't you?
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Yes, Mr Hacker.
0:00:21 > 0:00:22APPLAUSE
0:00:22 > 0:00:25I'll fire up the van.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28On air in three, two, one.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Hooray!
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Ho-ho!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36What are you doing, Derek?
0:00:36 > 0:00:38I was saying my catch phrase, "Ho-ho."
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Well, I've never heard you say that before, cockers.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43But I'm always saying it. Ho-ho!
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Ho-ho! Ho-ho!
0:00:45 > 0:00:48All right, all right. Give it a rest, cockers.
0:00:48 > 0:00:53That's it, Mr Hacker. Your catch phrase could be...
0:00:53 > 0:00:57- cockers.- Oh, yeah. I've literally never used that expression
0:00:57 > 0:01:02in my life. Cockers it is. Cockers!
0:01:02 > 0:01:04APPLAUSE
0:01:04 > 0:01:07OK then. On air in three...
0:01:07 > 0:01:10No, we really are on air in three,
0:01:10 > 0:01:13two, one.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18# You gotta watch this
0:01:20 > 0:01:23# You gotta watch this
0:01:23 > 0:01:25# You gotta watch this
0:01:26 > 0:01:28# My, my
0:01:28 > 0:01:29# My programme hits you so hard
0:01:29 > 0:01:30# Makes me say
0:01:30 > 0:01:31# Oh, my word
0:01:31 > 0:01:33# Thank you for watching me
0:01:33 > 0:01:35# It's telly But not what you normally see
0:01:35 > 0:01:37# It feels good There's outtakes too
0:01:37 > 0:01:39# Comedy, guests and clips It's true
0:01:39 > 0:01:40# So sit back, don't move too much
0:01:40 > 0:01:42# This is the show
0:01:42 > 0:01:43# You can't touch
0:01:43 > 0:01:45# Hacker Time. #
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Thank you.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52- Ho-ho!- Derek, why are you dressed like that?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54It's for today's grand opening.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58Hacker's going to lead us all in a special sporting workout. Ho-ho.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02All right. Here we go. It's exercise time.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04To the left. Two. Three. Four.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06To the right. Two. Three. Four.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08And star jump.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Star jump. Come on. You can do it.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Yes, I can do it!
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Get your arms up. Come on.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Believe in yourself, cocker.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19All right. Follow my lead, cockers.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- BUZZING - Hang on.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26BUZZING
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Go on. Get out of here!
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Right. That does it.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41If he thinks I'm doing that, he can think again.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Sometimes, I love this job.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52That's better. Now, time to introduce my top-notch guest.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Larry, who is it, cocker?
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Well, Hacker, it's someone from Strictly Come Dancing,
0:02:59 > 0:03:01someone with flowing blond hair
0:03:01 > 0:03:05and someone who's always commenting on the scores.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07It's...
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Television's Tess Daly!
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Wait a minute. Something's not right here.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Tess, what have you been up to? You look a right mess.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- You've let yourself go, love. - No, Hacker. I'm Robbie Savage,
0:03:21 > 0:03:23ex-footballer and Strictly contestant.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26You're just mumbling now, Tess. You're making no sense.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29You just stay there and I'll go and sort this out.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Derek! What is going on out there?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I don't think that really is Tess Daly.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38It isn't Tess Daly, Hacker. It's football's Robbie Savage.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42Oh, I'm still confused. I mean, why has she changed her name?
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Oh, take a look at this. It should explain everything.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52Robbie Savage is a former footballer who's now a big telly star.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54He appears on shows like Football Focus
0:03:54 > 0:03:57and Match Of The Day where he comments on all the footy action.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59He also appeared on Strictly Come Dancing
0:03:59 > 0:04:02where he caused problems for the costume department
0:04:02 > 0:04:04by constantly ripping off his shirt.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06And that's all you need to know about Robbie Savage.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09So, what do you think?
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Ooh! He sounds good.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15I shall interview him with my eyes, face and mouth, cocker.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16To the studio!
0:04:16 > 0:04:18It's that way.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I know. Just testing.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23It's like I've always said, Robbie.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26That Lionel Messi has to be the greatest footballer on the planet.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29He scored 91 goals as well, Herman, in a calendar year.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- Did you know that?- Cor! 91 goals in a calendar year.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- I'll just get involved in this little chat.- He's amazing.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Football...
0:04:39 > 0:04:44- Football's a game of something. - Look, I'm sorry about him, Robbie.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46He must have been drinking out of the toilet again.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Get out, Herman. Grrrrr!
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- I'll see you on Saturday, Robbie. - See you, Herman.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53No, you won't. I'll do Robbie Savage.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57We've got some right treats in store for you today, cocker.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Larry, tell us what's coming up.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03The fun's about to kick off because today's Hacker Time
0:05:03 > 0:05:05is all about soccer, cocker.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Coming up - Robbie laughs at something funny...
0:05:11 > 0:05:13..Dr Side Parting has some serious news...
0:05:13 > 0:05:15You're dying...
0:05:15 > 0:05:16to find out your results.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19..and Hacker loses his shirt.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24All this and more on Hacker Time.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27That looks so exciting. I could go...
0:05:27 > 0:05:29- HACKER CHEERS - Couldn't you, Robbie?
0:05:29 > 0:05:34Yeah. So, Robbie, now it is time for my top-notch interview.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- Are you ready to be interviewed by a little dog?- Yes, I am.- Huzzah!
0:05:37 > 0:05:40First, it's time for my serious question.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43HACKER CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:05:43 > 0:05:44What's football?
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Next serious question. You appear on Football Focus where you engage
0:05:51 > 0:05:54in footy banter with other boring people
0:05:54 > 0:05:56like Daniel Walker, don't you?
0:05:56 > 0:06:00Shall we engage in some top-notch footy banter now?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02- Yes, please, Hacker.- OK. Ahem.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- Did you watch the match? - Which one?- I don't know.
0:06:05 > 0:06:06Just footy banter, isn't it?
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Do you know how they say that you need 10,000 hours of training
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- to be a top-notch sports star? - Do they?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Did you never fancy putting the time in?
0:06:14 > 0:06:19You'd have been better then. Just innocent footy banter, cocker.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Robbie, you've worked with animals before, haven't you?
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Do you know Lawro?
0:06:24 > 0:06:28Lawro, yeah. Is he half-man half-badger?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Seriously though.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Did you borrow that shirt from Lawro today?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37- This is better than Lawro's shirts, Hacker.- Come on!
0:06:37 > 0:06:40It's ghastly and ill-fitting. What are you thinking of?
0:06:40 > 0:06:43You're not 23 now. It's just footy banter.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Robert Savage, you've got a reputation for being
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- a bit naughty on the pitch, haven't you?- Yes, Hacker.
0:06:48 > 0:06:53- How many yellow cards did you get during your career?- About 150.- Oh!
0:06:53 > 0:06:55150?! Robbie, come here.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Get right up to me.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00You...are...
0:07:00 > 0:07:01a naughty boy
0:07:01 > 0:07:03and I'm not angry with you,
0:07:03 > 0:07:06I'm just very disappointed.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09I'm afraid there's only one punishment for you.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Turn round and face the wall.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Look at Barker and think about what you've done.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18- What have you got to say for yourself, Robbie?- Nothing, Hacker.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20You can come back then, cocker. Turn around. All sorted.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22It's just footy banter.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26Now, Robert, you were once named the dirtiest player in football.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Hacker, 150 yellow cards, they weren't my fault.
0:07:29 > 0:07:34I was once named the dirtiest player in football too.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35Oh, look.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37I've got ketchup on my blouse.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40You're the dirtiest player in football.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42You're off the team.
0:07:44 > 0:07:45Do you want a bite?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Oh, it was terrible, Robbie.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49I had to put it in a boil wash.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- Robbie, what's the best thing you've ever done on the pitch?- Um...
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- I can't even begin to tell you what I did on the pitch.- What did you do?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58I plopped in the goalmouth.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Gabby Logan, discuss.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- Looks like me a little bit. - Yeah, same beard.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14Now, Robert Simon Savage, you're not just known for football.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17You also took part in Strictly Come Dancing, didn't you?
0:08:17 > 0:08:20- What was that like? - It was very difficult, Hacker.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22I was good though, to be fair, wasn't I?
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Let's look at a clip of you in action.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27# I believe in miracles
0:08:28 > 0:08:30# Since you came along
0:08:30 > 0:08:32# You sexy thing. #
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Fantastic. Hey, Robbie,
0:08:45 > 0:08:47- did you enjoy doing that? - Yes, I did.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49As a little treat for you now,
0:08:49 > 0:08:54I shall pay homage to you by re-enacting that very, very dance.
0:08:54 > 0:08:55Hit it.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02And now, for the big finish...
0:09:02 > 0:09:03Ta-da!
0:09:03 > 0:09:07What do you think, cocker? Oh, no. Oh, my privets.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Quick. Larry, do something.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13It's time for your routine appointment
0:09:13 > 0:09:15with another instalment of Casually.
0:09:15 > 0:09:20Today, things are getting tense as everyone's feeling the pressure.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25This is Nilbymouth Hospital.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27In this week's episode - tears...
0:09:27 > 0:09:30HE SOBS
0:09:30 > 0:09:31..trauma...
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Nurse, he's got my swab.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35..and tragic loss.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39There's nothing more we can do.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44He was a good cup.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45Oh, no.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47This is Casually.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Constant pressure and difficult decisions
0:10:06 > 0:10:10are a daily part of life here at Nilbymouth Hospital.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12You can do this, Pox.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16- Just concentrate.- Come on, Pox. Do it. Do it.- I can't do it.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18I can't make my mind up.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- Have a latte.- But what about the cappuccinos?
0:10:21 > 0:10:24- Who's going to drink them? - Good point.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Junior doctors have to learn to make a variety of tough calls.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29I can't do it.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33I've got no fingers to dial with.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36This is a really tough call.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39For patients with complicated conditions,
0:10:39 > 0:10:42senior doctors can fall back on their years of experience
0:10:42 > 0:10:44to diagnose them.
0:10:44 > 0:10:49So, your results have come in and even though they're all bad,
0:10:49 > 0:10:52I personally think you should go home. You look fine to me.
0:10:52 > 0:10:57But doctor, I looked like this a week ago.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Oh, you think that's bad.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02I looked like THIS a week ago.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04But that's Shirley from EastEnders.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Exactly.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11Even hospital staff have to face stressful news from time to time.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13It's about your EX, RAY...
0:11:13 > 0:11:17he's in reception, he's got some flowers and he wants you back.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24I miss you, Lolly.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28But the best way to support patients facing difficult conditions
0:11:28 > 0:11:31is to remain calm and clear.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Right.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35The truth is, you're dying...
0:11:35 > 0:11:37to find out your results.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40I'm afraid you've got everything...
0:11:40 > 0:11:42to live for...for now.
0:11:42 > 0:11:47But what you've got is life-threatening...ly hilarious.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50If you've got a very sick sense of humour,
0:11:50 > 0:11:53which you won't have for much longer...because...
0:11:53 > 0:11:56- BELL RINGS - Oh! Home time.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04Next week, Dr Scab has a life-changing experience.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Guess what, everyone. I've got new shoes.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Read 'em and weep.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Only on Casually.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21I think we can all agree that that was slightly above par.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Now, Robbie, do you think you can show me
0:12:23 > 0:12:27- how to be a professional footballer? - Definitely, Hacker.- You do?- Yeah.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30- What can you show me? - I can show you how to head it.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33I'm pretty sure ball games aren't allowed in the studio.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37Oh, don't panic, Lolly. Robbie's a pro.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39What's the worst that can happen?
0:12:39 > 0:12:42..with your blonde bonce, cocker.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49GLASS SHATTERS
0:12:49 > 0:12:52ALARM Hot Eric. My gallery. Do something!
0:12:52 > 0:12:56There's only one thing for it. We have to play the emergency film.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59But none of the buttons are working.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02The emergency film button always works.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Ho-ho! Eh?
0:13:08 > 0:13:12Ho-ho! Welcome to Derek Time.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Today's episode is an Olympic special.
0:13:14 > 0:13:19First, this dog is aiming to give Bradley Wiggins a run for his money.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Look at him go.
0:13:21 > 0:13:26It's Bradley WAGGINS and what a great set of quads on him too.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30And trampolining has a new canine star.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Right. Do a twirl. Or a spin.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Don't just bounce, my friend.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38He's got no chance. He'll never win. Ho-ho!
0:13:38 > 0:13:42And now to a brand-new sport which I think is due to be introduced
0:13:42 > 0:13:46at the next Olympic Games. Yes, a rat-staring contest.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49The Belgian on the left is the reigning champ.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53This is round one on the bed. Round two, round the corner.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56And round three, back on the bed again.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Thrilling stuff, isn't it? I love this.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Fortunately for us, these games can last for up to seven hours.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Ho-ho! I'm hooked.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05But now, it's exciting, this.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08I've not been this excited for years, I tell you. Ho-ho!
0:14:08 > 0:14:11- It's time for...- Derek, have you seen my good tea towel?
0:14:11 > 0:14:16On the radiator, Mother. In the hall. Oh, mother. Where was I?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19That's all from Derek Time today.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22See you next time, my little owls. Ho-ho!
0:14:22 > 0:14:27- Quick. It's the end of the tape. - OK, everyone. On air in three, two...
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Sorry you had to watch that, Robbie.
0:14:29 > 0:14:34Now, I understand that you are a musical superstar. Is that right?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Not really.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Well, I think we've been doing our research, cocker,
0:14:38 > 0:14:41and we found this music video you recorded.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43# Barbara Streisand... #
0:14:43 > 0:14:45HE MOUTHS SINGING
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Oh, Robert Savage. That was a travesty for all of mankind.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- What have you got to say for yourself?- It was bad, Hacker.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Seems like you could do with learning from the best.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02And by the best, I mean ME!
0:15:02 > 0:15:04I will commence my song now.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17# I know a man who comes from Wales
0:15:17 > 0:15:19# He wears his hair in ponytails
0:15:19 > 0:15:22# It's Robbie Savage
0:15:22 > 0:15:23# He's got lots of yellow cards
0:15:23 > 0:15:27# He really is a very naughty boy
0:15:29 > 0:15:32# He went on to Strictly to clear his name
0:15:32 > 0:15:34# He tangoed Ripped off his clothes
0:15:34 > 0:15:35# Hit a camera Broke his nose
0:15:35 > 0:15:39# Robbie Savage
0:15:39 > 0:15:41# Now he makes his living out of
0:15:41 > 0:15:42# Giving comments on a show called
0:15:42 > 0:15:45# Football Focus
0:15:45 > 0:15:47# Because he isn't fit enough
0:15:47 > 0:15:50# To play a whole 90-minute game
0:15:52 > 0:15:56# Robbie Savage is his name
0:15:56 > 0:15:57# Robbie Savage
0:15:57 > 0:15:59# Robbie Savage
0:15:59 > 0:16:02# Robbie Savage Ha! #
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- What do you think, Robbie? - Fantastic, Hacker.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08He loved it! He loved it, it's a success!
0:16:08 > 0:16:10What's coming up next, Larry?
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Stay tuned, because it's not full time yet.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17Yes, there's still loads more to come on Hacker Time.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Hacker confronts his worst fear...
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Oh, no, not that!
0:16:21 > 0:16:24..Robbie is asked some difficult questions...
0:16:24 > 0:16:26What flavour are the half-time pies?
0:16:26 > 0:16:28..and has Hacker finally lost it?
0:16:28 > 0:16:30..Woo-woo-weeeow-eh-deh-beh...
0:16:30 > 0:16:31All still to come on Hacker Time!
0:16:34 > 0:16:41Coming up next is tea...time, t-time for Hicker. Who's Hicker?
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Derek, this autocue thing's broken again.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Hicker Team is top...
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Oh, here she comes now!
0:16:50 > 0:16:54Maybe she'd fall for me if I'd hair like Robbie Savage!
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Oh. Hiya!
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Er...it's you.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05You look...different.
0:17:05 > 0:17:06Thanks.
0:17:06 > 0:17:11You know, I was hoping for a chance to get you alone.
0:17:11 > 0:17:12- Really?- Yeah.
0:17:12 > 0:17:18You see, I've been admiring you for some time now.
0:17:18 > 0:17:19You have?
0:17:19 > 0:17:23I suppose what I'm trying to say is...
0:17:23 > 0:17:25I love you.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30Oh, Lolly! You've made me the happiest Wilf in Wilfland!
0:17:30 > 0:17:32You mean, you're not Robbie Savage?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34No. It's me! Look!
0:17:34 > 0:17:36I'm going to be sick.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39She likes you, Wilf, she likes you!
0:17:39 > 0:17:42# Oh, fire up the... #
0:17:42 > 0:17:46And now it's time for everyone's favourite sport show...
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Football Slightly Out Of Focus!
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Hi, and welcome to Football Slightly Out Of Focus.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02I'm Geoff Geoffington, and today I'm joined by Robbie Savage...
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Hi, Geoff.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05..and Hacker T Dog.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Absolutely.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Guys, I want to start by getting your opinions
0:18:10 > 0:18:13on some of the biggest names in football.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16First up, David Beckham.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Robbie, what can you tell us about this little guy?
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Well, Geoff, he's the most capped outfield English player of all time,
0:18:22 > 0:18:24115 caps.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Hacker, can you add to that?
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Yeah, I can. His name rhymes with Wavid Weckham.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Yeah, yeah, I suppose it does. That's a good point, Hacker.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Thank you, it's what I do.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38And also much more interesting than Robbie's so-called "fact"!
0:18:39 > 0:18:41I thought Gary Lineker was dull.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44So, Hacker, what can you do with a football?
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- Well, you see this football?- Yeah?
0:18:47 > 0:18:48I've drawn a face on it.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53Robbie, I think that's much better than anything you've ever done.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Well, now you have a chance to redeem yourself
0:18:56 > 0:18:58because I want to see how good you are
0:18:58 > 0:19:00at pronouncing footballers' names.
0:19:00 > 0:19:06Ibra Ibrowoohoo, I think that's how you say that, yeah, Robbie?
0:19:06 > 0:19:08No, Geoff, it's Zlatan Ibrahimovic.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10He's wrong, I tells you!
0:19:10 > 0:19:14We all know it's Ibry for short. Did you not know that, Robbie?
0:19:14 > 0:19:17It's Ibry. Come on, up your game, son!
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Here's another. How would you say this?
0:19:19 > 0:19:23That's easy, Geoff, Emmanuel Adebayor.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- Is that right, Hacker? - No, I'm afraid not, cocker.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29- It's pronounced Chhhade-bay-or. Yeah?- It's not, Hacker.
0:19:29 > 0:19:34- It's spelt with a silent "chhh." - It's not. Adebayor.- CHHHADEBAYOR.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37- No, "A!"- Chhhadebayor!
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Robbie, could you please settle down
0:19:39 > 0:19:43or I'm going to have to ask you to leave this studio?
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Right. How do you say that?
0:19:46 > 0:19:51That easy, Geoff. It's not Tess Daly or Gabby Logan, it's Robbie Savage.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- Me, Hacker. - Hacker T Dog, are you sure?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56It's actually pronounced
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Robbie Chhh-ee-ow-ow-woo-woo-weeeow
0:19:59 > 0:20:01eh-deh-beh-lipedy-chhh
0:20:01 > 0:20:02rarrrgh-
0:20:02 > 0:20:04myehhhm-
0:20:04 > 0:20:06rargh-heem-myawwwh.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08All the letters are silent.
0:20:08 > 0:20:13Well, Hacker is the expert, so he must be right, mustn't he, Robbie?
0:20:13 > 0:20:19- No, Geoff! It's Savage, Hacker. - It's Chhh-ee-ow.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Anyway, that's it for this week.
0:20:21 > 0:20:29Just time to thank my guests, Hacker T Dog and Robbie Chhh.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32That's it! Geoffrey Geoffington, I've had enough of this.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Somebody call me a taxi, please.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38- Taxi for Robert Chhh? - That'll be me.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Come with me, son, meter's running.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Every time you turn the telly on these days
0:20:42 > 0:20:45it's football, football, football.
0:20:45 > 0:20:50- What else is on, Derek? - I don't know, love, have a look.- OK.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53'Look at that little pot bang, Zadat. Side Parting...'
0:20:53 > 0:20:56- Oh, yikes.- What's he doing now?
0:20:56 > 0:20:58- No.- Who is that now?- No.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Ooh, good work.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02WHISTLE BLOWS
0:21:02 > 0:21:05- OK, Josh, time for PE. - Huzzah! My favourite lesson!
0:21:05 > 0:21:10- What are we doing today, hockey? - No.- Ice hockey?- No.
0:21:10 > 0:21:16- Table ice hockey?- No, Josh, we're going on the trampoline.
0:21:16 > 0:21:21- Oh, no, not that! Anything but that! - What's wrong with the trampoline?
0:21:21 > 0:21:27It terrifies me. Look at its mighty frame and its unforgiving surface.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Trampoline time. Here we go.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33RAPS: # There comes a time in a person's life
0:21:33 > 0:21:36# They got to face their fears Got to do what's right
0:21:36 > 0:21:38# Got to prove to themselves That they can be strong
0:21:38 > 0:21:40# Cos anything less Would be just plain wrong
0:21:40 > 0:21:41- # Can I do the hoops? - No, not today
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- # Or the javelin? - You'll get carried away
0:21:43 > 0:21:45# You know how I love the egg and spoon race
0:21:45 > 0:21:47# You'll only end up with it on your face
0:21:47 > 0:21:49- # Can I throw a shot-put? - It'll make you sink
0:21:49 > 0:21:51- # Do the pole vault? - You'll just break the stick
0:21:51 > 0:21:53# I'll never do it Look at the size
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- # It's a piece of cake - You're telling lies
0:21:56 > 0:21:59# No, I won't go on the trampoline
0:21:59 > 0:22:03# No, I can't go on the trampoline
0:22:03 > 0:22:07# I mustn't go on the trampoline
0:22:07 > 0:22:10# Don't make me go on the trampoline...
0:22:10 > 0:22:12# There comes a time in a person's life
0:22:12 > 0:22:14# They got to face their fears Got to do what's right
0:22:14 > 0:22:16# Got to prove to themselves That they can be strong
0:22:16 > 0:22:19# Cos anything less Would be just plain wrong. #
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Oh, what happened?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26You went on the trampoline.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Oh... The... Ohhh...
0:22:31 > 0:22:36Ladies and gentlemen, coming up now is the real deal.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40It's the most amazing, fabulous, incredible quiz on TV,
0:22:40 > 0:22:44it's something that we like to call...
0:22:50 > 0:22:55Yes, Roberto Sauvage, this is my quiz show, What's In 'Em?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Inside each of these fantastic storage units lies a lovely
0:22:58 > 0:23:01challenge and if you do well at the challenges, you might just
0:23:01 > 0:23:02win yourself a little holiday.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04- What do you reckon about that, Robbie?- Can't wait.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Top drawer, innit? In that case, let's crack on with it,
0:23:07 > 0:23:09cos I'm sure the viewers at home are eager to find out...
0:23:14 > 0:23:18Robbie Savage, time to pick your first storage unit.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- Which will it be?- I think I'll have the wardrobe, Hacker.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Good choice, the side cabinet it is.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27Open up the cabinet, Robbie, with all the grace of a gazelle.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Fling the door aloft and peer within.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34Yes, this challenge is called, Who Is That Sausage?
0:23:34 > 0:23:37We've dressed up said sausage as a famous celebrity.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40You've got to guess, who's the sausage?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43I think it's Gary Lineker.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47You are correct, it is Gary Lineker, host of Match Of The Day.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50What do you think about the likeness, Robbie?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53I think the ears are a bit too small on the sausage.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56A bit too small! You made a funny!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59All right, Robbie, sling Lineker back in the cupboard
0:23:59 > 0:24:00and shut the door, Cocker.
0:24:00 > 0:24:05Robbie Savage, pick your next storage unit.
0:24:05 > 0:24:11I think, Hacker, I will go for the cake tin.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Good choice, the wardrobe it is.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Come on out, Accordion George!
0:24:15 > 0:24:18# It's Accordion George
0:24:18 > 0:24:21# It's Accordion George
0:24:21 > 0:24:22# It's Accordion George
0:24:22 > 0:24:23# Accy G. #
0:24:23 > 0:24:28Yes, Robbie Savage, say hello to Accy G. Give him a wave, Robbie.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30- Hi, George. - Get back on your mark, son.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Right, as a little treat for you,
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Robbie Savage, Accordion George is going to play you
0:24:34 > 0:24:37a fantastic tune on his lovely accordion
0:24:37 > 0:24:39and you've got to guess what song it is.
0:24:39 > 0:24:44- Have you got that?- Yes, Hacker. - Lovely. Take it away, Accy G.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47HE PLAYS MATCH OF THE DAY THEME
0:25:00 > 0:25:01Thank you, Accy G.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Now, Robbie Savage, think carefully because it's a tricky one, this.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08- What was Accy G playing? - Was it Match Of The Day?
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Let's find out if you're right. Play it in.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12MATCH OF THE DAY THEME PLAYS
0:25:12 > 0:25:15You're right! Correct. Well done, Robbie Savage.
0:25:15 > 0:25:20HE SINGS ALONG TO MATCH OF THE DAY THEME
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Well done, Robbie Savage.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23Although, George, I thought I told you
0:25:23 > 0:25:25to learn the Football Focus theme tune?
0:25:25 > 0:25:29You've let me down there, Accy G. Go on, go away, shut the doors.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Give us a wave first, though, be professional. Cheers, AG.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36All right, off you pop. He loves a pine cabinet, that man.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Right, Robbie Savage, it's time to pick your third
0:25:42 > 0:25:46and final storage unit. Which will it be?
0:25:46 > 0:25:48I quite like this pink handbag, Hacker.
0:25:48 > 0:25:53- Good choice, the hatbox it is. - Quick fire.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Yes, Robbie, in this round, you have to answer as many questions
0:25:56 > 0:25:59as you can in the short time to win the holiday. Let's go.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Name someone who plays football.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05- Ronaldo.- Correct. Complete the name of this famous football show -
0:26:05 > 0:26:07- Football blank?- Focus.- Correct.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- Name a judge on Strictly. - Craig Revel Horwood.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13- Sorry, that name's already been taken. Knock, knock?- Who's there?
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Me, of course. Didn't you see my lips moving, cocker?
0:26:15 > 0:26:17- Name a famous football cup?- FA Cup.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Wrong, the Wigan mug, it is.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22- What flavour are the half-time pies? - Steak and kidney.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Ostrich and fennel. What flavour are the half-time oranges?
0:26:24 > 0:26:26- Orange.- Ostrich and fennel.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30Which way to the toilets? I'm busting! Oh, that's it, time's up.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32How did he do, Derek?
0:26:32 > 0:26:34I've no idea, Hacker.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37I was looking at this picture of a funny cat the whole time.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40That means only one thing, Robbie, you've won the holiday.
0:26:40 > 0:26:45Yes, a fortnight in outer space. What do you think of that, cocker?
0:26:45 > 0:26:46- Space?!- Oh, yes, you'll love it -
0:26:46 > 0:26:48plenty of room, you can get your feet up.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Herman, get him out of here.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52- Yes, Mr Hacker. Come on, then, Robbie.- Oh, no!
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Yes, you'll love it. Enjoy the holiday.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57I hope you've got travel insurance.
0:26:57 > 0:26:58Ahh, I love that bit.
0:26:58 > 0:26:59That's all for today.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02I'm off now to play a lovely round of badminton
0:27:02 > 0:27:03with a disenchanted goat.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06All that's left is for me to sing my slightly annoying song.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Join in, me old cocker! See ya!
0:27:13 > 0:27:16# That is it for now The end of the show
0:27:16 > 0:27:18# I need the lav-lav So I'm going to go
0:27:18 > 0:27:20# I'll see you next time On this show of mine
0:27:20 > 0:27:23# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time
0:27:23 > 0:27:25# It's been amazing We've been larking around
0:27:25 > 0:27:27# The whole programme Costs just under £1
0:27:27 > 0:27:29# Watch again next time Cos we've got much more
0:27:29 > 0:27:31# There'll be tons of other funny stuff
0:27:31 > 0:27:33# It will be top drawer
0:27:33 > 0:27:35# Robbie Savage was my guest
0:27:35 > 0:27:37# He's the one with the silly hair
0:27:37 > 0:27:39# We had banter, jokes and chat
0:27:39 > 0:27:42# And I found out his name was really Chhh-ee-ow
0:27:42 > 0:27:45# That is it for now The end of the show
0:27:45 > 0:27:47# I need the lav-lav So I'm going to go
0:27:47 > 0:27:49# I'll see you next time On this show of mine
0:27:49 > 0:27:51# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time
0:27:51 > 0:27:54# Put it in your diary It's called Hacker Time
0:27:54 > 0:27:57# That is the end of today's Hacker Time. #
0:27:57 > 0:27:58It's just footy banter.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd