0:00:03 > 0:00:06Hacker Time is filmed in front of a selection of angry geese.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09Right, standards have been slipping round here,
0:00:09 > 0:00:12so from now, things are going to be a lot stricter.
0:00:12 > 0:00:17- What's he on about?- I've decided to start every meeting with a register.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Here goes... Hacker?
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Yes, Mr McGee.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23- Lolly?- Yes, Mr McGee.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26- Herman?- What is it? Yes, Mr Mc...
0:00:26 > 0:00:28- No whispering!- I was just asking...
0:00:28 > 0:00:31I don't want to hear any excuses. Get out! Go on, go away.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35That's a bit harsh, isn't it? Eh?
0:00:35 > 0:00:38I don't want any backchat off you either, Wilf. Now, go away. Go on!
0:00:38 > 0:00:40- Who does he think he is? - Where was I?- You were doing the...
0:00:40 > 0:00:44This is no time for your snide remarks, Hacker! Get out!
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Oh, I'm livid!
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Well, I must say, Lolly, I'm disappointed in all of them.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54- Would you like a chewing gum? - Yeah, why not?
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Actually, there's no chewing in class! Now, get out!
0:00:57 > 0:00:58Ho-ho!
0:01:01 > 0:01:03WIND WHISTLES, BELL CHIMES
0:01:03 > 0:01:05I didn't think this through.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Right that's it, Derek. Get out! Come on!
0:01:07 > 0:01:08Get out!
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Get off me! I won't!
0:01:13 > 0:01:15# You've got to watch this
0:01:17 > 0:01:19# You've got to watch this
0:01:20 > 0:01:23# You've got to watch this
0:01:23 > 0:01:25# My, my, my, my
0:01:25 > 0:01:27# Programme hits you so hard
0:01:27 > 0:01:28# Makes me say, oh, my word
0:01:28 > 0:01:30# Thank you for watching me
0:01:30 > 0:01:32# It's telly But not what you normally see
0:01:32 > 0:01:34# It feels good There's out-takes too
0:01:34 > 0:01:35# Comedy, guests and clips It's true
0:01:35 > 0:01:37# So sit back, don't move too much
0:01:37 > 0:01:40# This is the show you can't touch
0:01:40 > 0:01:41# Stop! Hacker Time. #
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Thank you.
0:01:43 > 0:01:48# School's out for summer
0:01:51 > 0:01:55# School's out for ever... #
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Wahey! First day of school!
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Huzzah!
0:01:59 > 0:02:01But, Mr Hacker, school's out!
0:02:01 > 0:02:04But I thought school was in.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06No, it's very much out.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I suppose it doesn't matter anyway, cocker. None of us go to school!
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Well, what am I doing here, then?
0:02:12 > 0:02:15What ARE we like?! I dunno!
0:02:15 > 0:02:20Herman, take that uniform away and feed it to the dogs.
0:02:20 > 0:02:25- I will never, ever be needing that ever, ever again.- Yes, Mr Hacker.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- DOGS GROWL - Nice doggy. Mind my fingers.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31On with today's show. What's the theme of today's show again?
0:02:31 > 0:02:33It's school.
0:02:33 > 0:02:34Oh, bodges!
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Never mind.
0:02:36 > 0:02:41Larry, why don't you introduce today's school-themed guests?
0:02:41 > 0:02:42Sure thing, Hacker.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45These two guys have got loads of fans
0:02:45 > 0:02:48and they're two people that make school cool.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50It's...
0:02:50 > 0:02:54Rob and Mick, the air-conditioning guys!
0:02:54 > 0:02:56What the...?!
0:02:56 > 0:02:57Who are Rob and Mick?
0:02:57 > 0:02:59The guys that sort out the air conditioning
0:02:59 > 0:03:02in all the local schools, aren't they?
0:03:02 > 0:03:05They're the ones that make school COOL.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Hashtag - can't believe you didn't know that!
0:03:07 > 0:03:10I think maybe there's been some sort of misunderstanding.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Hashtag - of course there has!
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Sorry, I don't know why I keep doing that.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Just stay there, I'll go and ask Derek.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21He'll sort it. Derek!
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- Who's Derek? - Hashtag - I don't know!
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Derek! What are THEY doing here?
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Khalil and Jason from the 4 O'Clock Club!
0:03:30 > 0:03:33It's only one of the biggest programmes on CBBC!
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Yeah, it's hashtag - fabulous!
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Sorry, it's just so catchy.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45Don't worry, Hacker. Everything you need to know is here.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Khalil Madovi plays cheeky schoolboy Josh Carter in the 4 O'Clock Club.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53He's got it tough
0:03:53 > 0:03:57because he has to live with teacher Mr Harris, AKA Jason Callender.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58How embarrassing.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01In the show, Josh is always getting sent to detention
0:04:01 > 0:04:03for climbing lamp posts and stuff. Look at him.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Whilst Jason's character loves walking about with his trusty
0:04:06 > 0:04:09tennis racket and teddy in a box.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12It's a top-notch CBBC show, which is all you need to know
0:04:12 > 0:04:14about Khalil and Jason.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Oooh, well, now we know!
0:04:16 > 0:04:19I feel like a reet fool for forgetting.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21A reet fool, I tells ye!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23You didn't listen to any of it, did you?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Not a word! But don't worry, cocker.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30I'll bumble through it with my usual mix of intelligence and elegance.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Tatty-bye!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33It's that way.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Hashtag - I know!
0:04:35 > 0:04:40And that's how I got mistaken for Jay Z that time.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42- I can totally see that! - I know, right?!
0:04:42 > 0:04:43Herman!
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Get out of my studio!
0:04:45 > 0:04:47- Go away, go on.- Yes, Mr Hacker.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- I'll see you.- See you later, Herman. - Don't be doing that...
0:04:50 > 0:04:52I'm so sorry about him.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Do you know what? Honestly, I think Herman's actually
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- one of the coolest guys I've ever met.- Herman, cool?!
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- Don't make me... - HE GAGS
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Cool? I can't believe it.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Oh! Let's just move on, shall we?
0:05:04 > 0:05:08Now, Jason and Khalil, I'm sure we're going to have a splendid time
0:05:08 > 0:05:12or, as the cool cats would say, it's going to be sick.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15CAT VOMITS
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Oh! See?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Whoa! Larry, tell us what's coming up.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23This is the kind of detention you'll want to be in,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26because coming up on today's show...
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- Hacker gets cheeky with Mr Harris. - What kind of teacher are you?
0:05:29 > 0:05:32You are a low quality, fictional teacher.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Welcome to our new epic Western, Cockers' Creek,
0:05:35 > 0:05:37where there is a new sheriff in town.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40And who says cats and dogs don't get along?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42All this and more on Hacker Time.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Looks good, doesn't it! It does look all right.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Now, my first question is for Mr Harris.
0:05:49 > 0:05:50You can call me Jason.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52I can't do that.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- You're a teacher!- I'm not...
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Now, Mr Harris, I've noticed the 4 O'Clock Club has never once
0:05:58 > 0:06:01been on at four o'clock. Why would it be called that?
0:06:01 > 0:06:04That's because that's what time detention starts. Four o'clock.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07I find it entirely unacceptable, to be honest.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Then you've got The One Show on at seven. I'm sick of it.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12How am I meant to keep track?
0:06:12 > 0:06:15How am I meant to watch my favourite programmes?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Now, Khalil, you've done very well since being on the show.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22- I've done all right.- You recently won a BAFTA. What was it for?
0:06:22 > 0:06:26- That was for best performer. - You did very well.- Yes.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- And I, for one, am proud of you, kid.- Thank you very much, Hacker.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Jason, do you ever feel jealous that Khalil won a big award
0:06:32 > 0:06:34and you haven't?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37- No.- He's lying.- I'm just happy to work with a BAFTA-winning actor.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38He's lying.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41- Jason, you play a teacher on the 4 O'Clock Club, don't you?- Mm-hm.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44So I should probably admit something to you.
0:06:44 > 0:06:50- I'm wearing non-uniform trainers. Does that bother you?- No.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53- It's your show, do what you want. - Oh, right. Well...
0:06:53 > 0:06:58- I haven't done my homework! Does bother you?- Of course not.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00What kind of teacher are you? You're no good.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03You're a low quality, fictional teacher.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05BELL RINGS
0:07:05 > 0:07:09A-ha! That means it's break time from this interview.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10Talk amongst yourselves, please.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15- Lunchtime for me, cocker. - Um...- Do we just...?
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Apple or chocolate?
0:07:17 > 0:07:20What's that? Sweet? Is apple technically savoury?
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Sweet or...? I'm not sure, cos apples are quite...
0:07:23 > 0:07:26- BELL RINGS - Break time's over!- OK.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30Back to school, everyone. Everyone back in!
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Khalil, do you remember that time that I was on the 4 O'Clock Club
0:07:33 > 0:07:36and moved in as Josh's new lodger?
0:07:36 > 0:07:37Er...
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Why is all my stuff in the living room?
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Meet our new lodger.
0:07:41 > 0:07:46You all right, cockers? I'm dead excited about moving in.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50- We can make some new raps and that. - What? No, no, he has to go.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53- He's my teacher.- Bit harsh, that.
0:07:53 > 0:07:58I think you are confusing me with someone else. I'm just a little dog.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01But it's clear I'm not wanted here.
0:08:01 > 0:08:06- No, no. You've already moved your stuff into Josh's room.- Correct.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Sorry, I didn't want to tell you because I knew you wouldn't like it.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10You think?! My room!
0:08:16 > 0:08:20- That was good, wasn't it? Did you like it?- I loved it.- Yeah.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24- Mr Harris, your real name is Jason Callender.- Yes.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Have you got a brother called John Diary?
0:08:27 > 0:08:29HE LAUGHS
0:08:29 > 0:08:31That's not even funny.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- It's kinda funny.- That ain't funny. - It's kinda funny.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39- It's kinda funny. - Ooh! Ooh, it was good!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I don't even know why he'd have a different surname.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44It doesn't make any sense!
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- This next question is for you, Khalil.- Yes.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51- You're quite good at rapping, aren't you?- Well, I'm all right.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Well, it's my mum's birthday in ten seconds.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Can you wrap her a present as quick as you can?
0:08:56 > 0:08:58- Where is it?- It's a calendar.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Jason Callender. Get ye wrapping!
0:09:01 > 0:09:02Go! Go!
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Quick, quick, quick, quick!
0:09:06 > 0:09:08It's nearly her birthday! It's getting closer!
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- Hold it.- Hold it?! I'm the present!
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Affix some tape to correct the Sellotape.
0:09:14 > 0:09:15KLAXON
0:09:15 > 0:09:19Time's up! You've done rubbish there, Khalil. Terrible job, that.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Now, sit down, please. I've got to crack on with the show.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26I just remembered - my mum actually wanted a colander.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29A Jason Colander!
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Hello, I'm Jason Colander!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34The moment's passed! Now, get out of here.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- Ah!- There you go!
0:09:37 > 0:09:38What's coming up next, Larry?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41It's time for some drama,
0:09:41 > 0:09:45because it's time for Tales From The Mild West!
0:09:49 > 0:09:53# Long ago on the Old Frontier There lived a man with floppy ears
0:09:53 > 0:09:55# The sheriff of Cockers' Creek
0:09:55 > 0:09:58# Where the mud was fine But the air was bleak
0:09:58 > 0:09:59# Where some were good But some were best
0:09:59 > 0:10:05# That's what you get when you live in the Mild, Mild West. #
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Oooh! Oooh!
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Oooh!
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Ooh!
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Ahhh!
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Good people of this here town, I've called this meeting
0:10:23 > 0:10:26because we are in crisis.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29We've got through 40 sheriffs so far this year.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31We all know what happened to the last one.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33BELL CHIMES
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Yep, he gave up his job to become a coffin maker.
0:10:39 > 0:10:44It's a disgrace. We can't go on living in a lawless town.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Diddly-dee. We'll all be robbed.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49They'll come in the night and steal our eyes.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52CROWD MUTTERS, "BULLET" RICOCHETS
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Please, please. Settle down, y'all.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Why don't YOU do something about it, Mrs Goldmine?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02After all, you are the wealthiest woman in this town, ho-ho!
0:11:02 > 0:11:04ALL: Yeah.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Well, I HAVE done something about it, Derek McGee.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11I've only gone and hired the best sheriff in the Mild West.
0:11:11 > 0:11:12How do you know he is, ho-ho?
0:11:12 > 0:11:18Because it says so in this official document he sent me.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19CLOPPING
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Wait, that sounds like him now.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24CROWD GASPS
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- Sorry. - CROWD GROANS
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Wait, this IS him.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Y'all right, cockers?
0:11:52 > 0:11:54VOICE ECHOES
0:11:54 > 0:12:01Ahem! Please allow myself to introduce, um, myself.
0:12:01 > 0:12:05- I am Sheriff T Dog.- Oh, yeah?
0:12:05 > 0:12:09What are you going to do about crime in this here town?
0:12:09 > 0:12:10CROWD: Yeah!
0:12:10 > 0:12:12You don't need to worry about no crime,
0:12:12 > 0:12:17- because nothing gets past Sheriff T Dog.- Excuse me, Sheriff T Dog.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19May I get past you, please?
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Certainly, I'm so sorry. Off you go.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Wait, stop right there.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27You've dropped your solid gold candlestick.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34- What a delightful thief. Now, where was I?- Quit the small talk, Sheriff.
0:12:34 > 0:12:40- What can you do that any other sheriff can't do?- Well, I can, um...
0:12:41 > 0:12:43I can do this.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46# If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I'd been married long time ago
0:12:46 > 0:12:49# Where did you come from? Where did you go?
0:12:49 > 0:12:50# Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?
0:12:50 > 0:12:53# If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I'd been married... #
0:12:54 > 0:12:56WIND WHISTLES
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Whoo-hoo!
0:13:00 > 0:13:02"BULLET" RICOCHETS
0:13:05 > 0:13:08I think we found the right man for the job.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Sheriff, welcome to Cockers' Creek.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14Missy, I swear by the hairs on my mother's knuckles,
0:13:14 > 0:13:17I will absolutely not let you down.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21- Why, thank you, Sheriff. - Mrs Goldmine?- Yes?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23What's a sheriff?
0:13:24 > 0:13:30# That's what you get when you live in the Mild, Mild West. #
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Oh, that was good, weren't it?
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Anyway, on with the nonsense. You know rap music?
0:13:36 > 0:13:40It must be hard thinking up words that rhyme with each other.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41Let's see how good you are,
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Khalil, can you think of a word that rhymes with "stop"?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Pop.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Jason, your turn, can you think of a word that rhymes with "jam"?
0:13:49 > 0:13:51- Ham.- Eh! Very good!
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Ask me! Ask me! Ask me!
0:13:53 > 0:13:57- OK, OK, OK... - Ask me! Ask me! Ask me! Ask me!
0:13:57 > 0:14:01OK, how about a word that rhymes with "cat".
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Right, got it!
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Let's see, let's see...
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Don't help me, don't help me, I'll get one!
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Gibbon!
0:14:13 > 0:14:16No, not that. Kumquat! Mustard!
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Laminate flooring!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21What are we going to do? We could be here all day!
0:14:21 > 0:14:23There's only one thing for it, Lolly.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26I'm going to have to play the emergency film.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Sandwich bags!
0:14:32 > 0:14:33Hoo-hoo! Hey-hey!
0:14:33 > 0:14:37Hello, and thank you for choosing Derek Time!
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Today's Derek Time is a massage special.
0:14:40 > 0:14:45Cat decides to soften the tensions between felines and canines.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48That's it, dog, we are friends.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Yes, you face front, we are friends, aren't we?
0:14:51 > 0:14:54You like that, don't you, Mr Dog?
0:14:54 > 0:14:55Hoo-hoo!
0:14:55 > 0:14:59New type of head massage takes the pet world by storm.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03Down a bit, down a bit. Oh, that really hurts, that.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Stop it! What are you doing? Wreaking havoc.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Next, to a new therapy centre
0:15:08 > 0:15:11where even the animals are learning the art of massage.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Oh, now that's lovely.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14If you could just go up a bit,
0:15:14 > 0:15:16up a bit, bit further, go on.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Round to the belly, go on. Oh, that's lovely.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Enough relaxing for one day.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25Now it's time for a truly great and memorable bit of Derek Time.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27- I'm about to do some...- Derek!
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Not now, Mother, I'm doing my video! Hoo-hoo!
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Quick, Lolly, the tape's finished!
0:15:34 > 0:15:36OK, everyone, on air in three, two...
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- ..one day out plan. - And you were like...
0:15:39 > 0:15:42I've got it! Cat rhymes with cat!
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Hacker, we kind of got bored of you trying to rhyme words.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Well, let's talk about something else then!
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- You know in the 4 O'Clock Club, how you burst into song?- Yeah.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54It's a bit weird that, the way you're just having a conversation
0:15:54 > 0:15:56and all of a sudden it turns into this massive song number
0:15:56 > 0:16:00about your worries. That never ever happens!
0:16:00 > 0:16:05# I've got an awkward bogie that I'd really love to pick
0:16:05 > 0:16:09# I don't intend to eat it not even a little lick
0:16:09 > 0:16:12# If I went in for the kill would you at home judge me?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14# I'm told I shouldn't do it
0:16:14 > 0:16:17# On national TV!
0:16:18 > 0:16:22# My hobby is collecting owls I must confess to you
0:16:22 > 0:16:26# Their great big eyes and tiny beaks, they make me go hoo-hoo!
0:16:26 > 0:16:30# I've got the hots for Lolly but I don't know what to say
0:16:30 > 0:16:31# What if
0:16:31 > 0:16:33# She doesn't feel that way!
0:16:33 > 0:16:36# Bogie! Oh awkward bogie!
0:16:36 > 0:16:41# Why must you fill my little schnozz?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44# I wonder if I could eject you
0:16:44 > 0:16:46# With a shake of the head a big exhale
0:16:46 > 0:16:49# Or even a vigorous nod?
0:16:51 > 0:16:54# We are such a sorry troop we're better off elsewhere
0:16:54 > 0:16:58# In a land where owl enthusiasts haven't got a care
0:16:58 > 0:17:02# Where it's never hard to talk to girls you like a lot
0:17:02 > 0:17:04# And where people love
0:17:04 > 0:17:06# To watch you pick your snot! #
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Sorry about that, I burst into spontaneous song!
0:17:10 > 0:17:12But I'm over it now.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15I'll tell you what I'm not over though - this massive bogie!
0:17:15 > 0:17:18I don't care what you all think, I'm picking it!
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Larry, cover me!
0:17:20 > 0:17:24Stay right where you are, still to come on today's Hacker Time...
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Who's misbehaving in class?
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Who's the new kid at Flemsbury?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32And what's the answer to this gripping question?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Would you do that at home?
0:17:34 > 0:17:37All still to come on Hacker Time!
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Did I ever tell you about the time me and Harry went to Bognor?
0:17:40 > 0:17:43I didn't? Well...
0:17:43 > 0:17:45All right, Derek, what are you doing here?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Lolly asked me to give you a note.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Lolly has written a note for me?
0:17:50 > 0:17:53- Yeah, here it is.- Oh!
0:17:53 > 0:17:55It says "Dear Wilf...
0:17:55 > 0:17:59"I don't know how to say this, but the truth is I love you,
0:17:59 > 0:18:01"I've always loved you.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03"I'd love to share a pasty some time.
0:18:03 > 0:18:08"Yours lovingly, for real this time, Lolly."
0:18:08 > 0:18:10She loves me!
0:18:10 > 0:18:12What? Oh...
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Sorry, that one was meant for Wilf that works in the canteen.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17It's such a popular name!
0:18:17 > 0:18:20This one's yours.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24"Dear Wilf, I don't know how to say this but,
0:18:24 > 0:18:27"the toilet's blocked again. Sort it out."
0:18:27 > 0:18:32It's worse than ever in there. Good luck. Hoo-hoo!
0:18:32 > 0:18:36Oh, well, at least she thought to write me a note!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38I'll fire up the plunger.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44Ladies and gentlemen, it's time now for a school-themed sketch.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Let's start by taking the register.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49- Khalil?- Present.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51- Hacker?- Future!
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Sorry I got a little ahead of myself then. Eh?
0:18:54 > 0:18:57A little joke there. Future - ahead of myself!
0:18:57 > 0:18:58That's a good one.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Moving on, has everyone brought their jotters?
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Yep.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Jotter? Oh, no. There seems to have been a slight misunderstanding.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09I thought you said otter.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12That's embarrassing! What a fool!
0:19:12 > 0:19:16It's fine actually, because that brings me on to my next point.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18It's Bring Your Otter To School Day.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Well done, Hacker, for remembering yours!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23We're going to start today with spelling.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Hacker, can you spell definitely?
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Yes, I definitely can.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28No, can you spell definitely?
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Yes, I've just said I can.
0:19:30 > 0:19:31No, spell it!
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- All right then... I-T. - So lame!
0:19:34 > 0:19:39- I don't believe it, that's correct! Well done, Hacker.- Thank you.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Khalil, disambiguity, can you can spell that?
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Erm... D-I-S...
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Nope, it's T-H-A-T, that!
0:19:48 > 0:19:51I'm getting fed up of this, this is the most ridiculous school ever.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- You're the most ridiculous school ever!- That doesn't even make sense!
0:19:54 > 0:19:58Quiet please, I want you now to get on with your maths projects,
0:19:58 > 0:20:01so heads down, it's silent working time.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08HACKER HUMS
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Who's humming?
0:20:12 > 0:20:16- Khalil, is that you?- No!
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Are you sure?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21I'm talking and the humming is still going on.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23It can't be me.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Well, I already asked Hacker and he said it's not him!
0:20:25 > 0:20:27It's definitely not me, Cocker.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Exactly, I'm watching you, Khalil.
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Who did that?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45I don't... It wasn't...
0:20:49 > 0:20:50Who was that?!
0:20:50 > 0:20:54Well, it wasn't me sir, I was too busy buffing my antique cannon.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Which only leaves you, Khalil!
0:20:56 > 0:20:59It wasn't me! It was Hacker!
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Not my Hacker!
0:21:01 > 0:21:03What is he? The teacher's pet?
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Well, actually, yes, he is.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07I couldn't find a dog sitter.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Come on, Hacker, it's time for walkies!
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Huzzah! Walkies! Count me in, cockers!
0:21:13 > 0:21:15I hate this school.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20I'm getting bored of all this 4 O'Clock Club related stuff,
0:21:20 > 0:21:22the last thing I want right now
0:21:22 > 0:21:25is anything more to do with the 4 O'Clock Club!
0:21:25 > 0:21:28All right, love, I'll see what else is on.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31As long as it's not the 4 O'Clock Club!
0:21:31 > 0:21:33It's definitely not the 4 O'Clock Club,
0:21:33 > 0:21:34I promise, Lolly, hoo-hoo!
0:21:34 > 0:21:36It's the Quarter Past 4 O'Clock Club!
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Hoo-hoo!
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- Get your blancmange, put it on the side and watch it wobble.- No!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- Oh, look, it's a dog...- No!
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Clean up your act!
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Oh!
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Afternoon, Nathan.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Josh! What are you dressed as?
0:21:56 > 0:21:58What's it look like?
0:21:58 > 0:22:01A butternut squash, of course! Weird.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04But, Josh, you really should be wearing your uniform.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05You see...
0:22:05 > 0:22:09# When you turn up at the school you must observe some simple rules
0:22:09 > 0:22:13# Like not to run in the corridor or make a mess on the toilet floor
0:22:13 > 0:22:16# It's vital that you do conform and wear the Flemsbury uniform
0:22:16 > 0:22:18# I can't believe you've done this, Josh
0:22:18 > 0:22:21# And dressed for class like a butternut squash
0:22:21 > 0:22:23# Shirt!
0:22:23 > 0:22:25# Tie!
0:22:25 > 0:22:26# Pully!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28# I like the texture it's lovely and woolly
0:22:28 > 0:22:30# Shorts!
0:22:30 > 0:22:32# Cap!
0:22:32 > 0:22:33# Blazer!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37# I look as sharp as a laser Word. #
0:22:39 > 0:22:41See, you look much better now.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45What were you doing dressed as a butternut squash anyway?
0:22:45 > 0:22:49Well, it is the school's annual Dress As A Vegetable Day.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54KIDS LAUGH
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Well, thank you Nathan,
0:22:56 > 0:22:59you've gone and shown me up in front of the sweetcorn.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01I'm livid!
0:23:01 > 0:23:04BELL RINGS
0:23:04 > 0:23:09And now, it's the moment you've all been waiting for,
0:23:09 > 0:23:12the thrilling climax of today's show,
0:23:12 > 0:23:14the stupendous, the amazing,
0:23:14 > 0:23:18the magnificent quiz we like to call...
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Welcome to my quiz, Khalil and Jason!
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Inside each of those there furniture items lies a series
0:23:30 > 0:23:32of fun challenges.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34If you do well at them, you might just win a holiday.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Are you ready?
0:23:35 > 0:23:36- Yep.- Yep.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40In that case, let's get on with it because I'm sure everyone at home
0:23:40 > 0:23:42is waiting to know...
0:23:45 > 0:23:49Right, Khalil and Jason, time to pick a storage unit.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51What'll it be?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Right, I am thinking we should pick the hat box.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Good choice, the side cabinet,
0:23:57 > 0:24:00the lovely little brown side cabinet there, wander over
0:24:00 > 0:24:04and open it, open it with all your might, cockers.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Yes! Now, this challenge is entitled
0:24:10 > 0:24:12What's The Mystery Meat?
0:24:12 > 0:24:15It's dressed up like a well-known celebrity, but who is it?
0:24:18 > 0:24:20The chair is a clue.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23- Look closely.- Oh, Will.i.am.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25BUZZER No?
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Almost right, it was actually Will.i.ham.
0:24:28 > 0:24:33He's a popular meat-based celebrity that we all know and love.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Now, shut the storage unit, cocker.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Close it nice and firm. Belting.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41Now, pick your second storage unit.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43What will it be?
0:24:43 > 0:24:47- We'll go for the wardrobe.- You've picked the wardrobe, good choice.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Come on out, that bear!
0:24:49 > 0:24:51BEAR ROARS
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Say hello to that bear, guys.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55- Hello.- Hi.- Hello, that bear.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58This round is called, What's That Bear Dancing To?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00He's going to perform a well-known dance,
0:25:00 > 0:25:03and all you've got to do is guess what that bear's dancing to.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Take it away, that bear!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14- I've got it.- Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think I know what it is.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21That's enough, that bear. Stop it, that bear.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24All right, guys, what do you think he was dancing to?
0:25:24 > 0:25:27I'm going to go for Macarena.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Ah! It was actually Adele's Make You Feel My Love.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34Sorry about that. Let's see it one more time. That bear, take it away!
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Thank you very much, that bear.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Very nice. Now, get out! Get back in your wardrobe, go on!
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Get back in your wardrobe, don't be frightened.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Jason, just go and shut him in, will you, please?
0:25:53 > 0:25:56He's upset me in three ways which I'll discuss later.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00Now it's time for you to open your final storage unit, cockers.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02What's it going to be?
0:26:02 > 0:26:03I'm thinking...
0:26:03 > 0:26:05- HACKER COUGHS - Hat box.
0:26:05 > 0:26:06Hat box.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10- What are you going to pick? - I'm going to pick the suitcase.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Good choice. The hat box!
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Wow. OK.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Quickfire!
0:26:16 > 0:26:17Let's go!
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Name a character in the 4 O'Clock Club.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21- Josh!- Perfect.
0:26:21 > 0:26:22Name a style of music.
0:26:22 > 0:26:23- Rap.- Yes.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26What time does school start?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- Nine.- I don't know, I never go.
0:26:28 > 0:26:29- Knock-knock.- Who's there?
0:26:29 > 0:26:32I don't know but I wish they'd stop rapping at that door!
0:26:32 > 0:26:33Why is canteen food so bad?
0:26:33 > 0:26:36- Because it's unhealthy. - It isn't bad, I eat anything!
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Do you call that acceptable behaviour?
0:26:39 > 0:26:40Would you do that at home?
0:26:40 > 0:26:43- Did you put any effort into this homework?- Yes!
0:26:43 > 0:26:45- Do you expect me to believe that?- No!
0:26:45 > 0:26:47That's it! Thank you very gladly.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49How did he do, Derek?
0:26:50 > 0:26:52They scored D minus!
0:26:52 > 0:26:54But got an A in trampolining.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58Yes, you're going on the holiday. You're off to the desert!
0:26:58 > 0:27:00What do you think of that, then?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03- I've got exams, I need to stay at home.- I'd rather stay here.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06Too bad, you're going! Herman...
0:27:06 > 0:27:08- Go on!- No!
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Thanks for coming, Khalil and Jason, it's been a dream.
0:27:11 > 0:27:16I'm off now, I've got another bogie to attend to and it's massive!
0:27:16 > 0:27:18All that's left for me to do now is sing my little song.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21Join in, you must know t'words!
0:27:25 > 0:27:28# That is it for now the end of the show
0:27:28 > 0:27:30# I need the lav lav so I'm going to go
0:27:30 > 0:27:32# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:32 > 0:27:35# Put it in your diary it's called Hacker Time!
0:27:35 > 0:27:37# It's been amazing we've been larking around
0:27:37 > 0:27:39# The whole programme cost just under a pound
0:27:39 > 0:27:42# Watch again next time cos we've got much more
0:27:42 > 0:27:45# There'll be tons of other funny stuff, it will be top drawer!
0:27:45 > 0:27:46# Khalil and Jason joined me here
0:27:46 > 0:27:49# We pretended to be at school
0:27:49 > 0:27:52# I got all my homework wrong
0:27:52 > 0:27:54# But in the end it was Khalil who looked a fool!
0:27:54 > 0:27:56# That is it for now the end of the show
0:27:56 > 0:27:59# I need the lav lav so I'm going to go
0:27:59 > 0:28:01# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:28:01 > 0:28:04# Put it in your diary it's called Hacker Time!
0:28:04 > 0:28:06# Put it in your diary it's called Hacker Time!
0:28:06 > 0:28:09# That is the end of today's Hacker Time! #
0:28:09 > 0:28:11I'm Jason Colander!