0:00:03 > 0:00:05Hacker Time is based on actual events...
0:00:05 > 0:00:07that haven't actually happened.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Bad news, people.
0:00:09 > 0:00:14The CBBC bosses have told us that we're not relevant to children!
0:00:14 > 0:00:15Irrelevant?! Oh, I'm so angry!
0:00:15 > 0:00:18It makes me want to fax a letter to someone!
0:00:18 > 0:00:19FAX MACHINE SCREECHES
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Apparently we're not fashionable enough.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24So I've been given a list of buzz words to make us more with it.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26First on the list - we need to be cool.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28I'm very cool.
0:00:28 > 0:00:32Well done, Herman. I can tick that off the list. Next up - are we hip?
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Oh, I know all about hips.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37I've broken mine nine times this year.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40BONE BREAKS Oh! Aaargh! There it goes again!
0:00:40 > 0:00:46Excellento! We also need to be phat, as in sick.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47HACKER CHOMPS
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Well, if Hacker keeps eating all those doughnuts, he'll be fat
0:00:50 > 0:00:52and sick in no time!
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Oh, I think I'm going to throw...
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Next up - are we bad?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Oh, this is definitely bad, Derek.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01It's one of the worst programmes I've ever seen.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05Well, in that case it's time to get on with making the coolest, hippest,
0:01:05 > 0:01:09fattest, sickest, baddest programme on television!
0:01:09 > 0:01:11What's television?
0:01:11 > 0:01:14I have no idea! Hoo-hoooo!
0:01:17 > 0:01:19# You gonna watch this?
0:01:21 > 0:01:22# You gotta watch this!
0:01:24 > 0:01:26# You gotta watch this!
0:01:27 > 0:01:31- HE RAPS:- # My, my, my, my programme hits you so hard
0:01:31 > 0:01:33# Makes me say, "Oh, my word!"
0:01:33 > 0:01:34# Thank you for watching me
0:01:34 > 0:01:36# It's telly, but not what you normally see
0:01:36 > 0:01:38# It feels good there's outtakes, too
0:01:38 > 0:01:40# Comedy, guests and clips It's true
0:01:40 > 0:01:41# So sit back - don't move too much
0:01:41 > 0:01:43# This is the show - ah! You can't touch. #
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Hacker Time!
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Thank you.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52Stand by, everyone. We're on air in five, four,
0:01:52 > 0:01:56three, two, one...
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Cue Hacker!
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Good day to you! And welcome to Hacker Time.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04In today's show we've got a couple of top notch dancers.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06I taught them everything they know.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Aargh!
0:02:11 > 0:02:15Trouble is, I taught them everything they know about A-level physics!
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Before we meet them, Wilf, go and catch them, will you?
0:02:18 > 0:02:22I'm going to, erm...wait down here. Oh!
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Hiya. Are you all right? We're Jordan and Perri from Diversity.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31We're here for our meeting about the new dance programme.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- Oh, yes, yes, it's this way, lads. This way, in the lift.- No, no...
0:02:34 > 0:02:36- No, mate, no, this way normally, mate.- No, go on.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40- Don't argue, mate. - Mate, that's the wrong way.- Heee...
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Down.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Pel! Pel!
0:02:46 > 0:02:48LIFT DINGS
0:02:48 > 0:02:52Ladies and gentlemen, it's Perri and Jordan!
0:02:54 > 0:02:58All right, Perri and Jordan, me old cockers! You're on Hacker Time!
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Hacker Time? No, mate, we refuse, we're not doing it.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04No, no, no, if you stay I'll erm... let you borrow my nit comb.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- How dare you! I don't even have nits.- Ha-ha, you do now, cocker.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10That lift's full of 'em. Ha-ha! Derek, the fact file!
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Right you are, Hacker.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Perri and Jordan are members of the dynamic dance troupe Diversity.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19They all found fame when they won Britain's Got Talent
0:03:19 > 0:03:21with their awesome synchronised squatting.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Perri is most commonly known as the little one at the front
0:03:24 > 0:03:27with the hair, whilst Jordan is known as one of the taller ones
0:03:27 > 0:03:29at the back. Ho-ho!
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Most recently Perri won celebrity diving show Splash!,
0:03:32 > 0:03:34where he got to bring out his hideous collection
0:03:34 > 0:03:36of swimming trunks.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39And that's not all you need to know about Perri and Jordan.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45Inspirational. But enough about me. Perri and Jordan...
0:03:45 > 0:03:46THEY CHAT QUIETLY
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Perri and Jordan!
0:03:48 > 0:03:50What's the meaning of this?!
0:03:50 > 0:03:51He's just so, you know...
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Oh, he may be annoying, but he's got a heart of gold.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Right! Whatever Herman's saying, don't listen to him.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00It's all lies, I tell you!
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- But Herman was just saying how great you are.- Oh...
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Well, that puts me in a funny position, doesn't it cocker,
0:04:05 > 0:04:09cos you've left me with no reason to fire you, Herman. Never mind that.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Herman, you're fired! Now get out of it!
0:04:12 > 0:04:14- Bye, boys.- Go on, go away.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Don't speak to them. Go on.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19You sicken me, Herman. I'm sorry you had to see that, cockers.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Anyway, before we dance our way through the rest of the show,
0:04:22 > 0:04:25we need to get warmed up. Larry - the menu!
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Nyaaaaaahhhh!
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Make sure you've done your stretches, because today's
0:04:31 > 0:04:35episode is going to flip you in the air and drop you on your head.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Not literally, of course.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Coming up - Jordan reveals his secret to success.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- Dream, believe, achieve. - Achieve.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Sir Loinsteak reveals his unique talent...
0:04:46 > 0:04:47PHRRRT!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49..and the Opinion Parlour is as revealing as ever.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53Pam from Senegal likes the conga.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55All this and more on Hacker Time!
0:04:55 > 0:04:59Perri and Jordan, it's time now for my big interview.
0:04:59 > 0:05:00Are you ready, cockers?
0:05:00 > 0:05:02- Uh... We think so. - Yeah, we're ready.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Now, you guys won Britain's Got Talent back in 2009
0:05:05 > 0:05:07- with Diversity, didn't you? - Yes, we did.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Does that mean you never got much experience of getting buzzed
0:05:10 > 0:05:12with that loud annoying judges' buzzer?
0:05:12 > 0:05:15- Uh...- No, we never got buzzed once.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17BUZZ!
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Ha-ha-ha! Buzzed you.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20That's not fair.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Moving on. Perri, when you first appeared on BGT,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26- we all got to know you as the little one at the front.- Yes.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28That was five years ago, cocker.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Now we all know you as the little one at the front.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Are you sure you're getting enough fruit and veg?
0:05:35 > 0:05:38- I'm getting taller, actually. - He has got tall.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- Have you got taller?- You're not much bigger than that buzzer.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42I am 1.5 feet!
0:05:42 > 0:05:44You two are quite similar...
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- Now, you lads have got all the moves, haven't you?- Yeah.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Let's have a look.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08Lovely stuff there, lads, but what's your favourite move?
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- It's one of yours. - Oh, is it?- Yes, it's...
0:06:11 > 0:06:12"Aaaahh!"
0:06:12 > 0:06:14It's a good move, that. "Nyaaahh!"
0:06:14 > 0:06:16- There he is. Look. - I'm not on that level yet.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Well, my favourite move was when I moved to number 63.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- Look at it, cocker.- Oh.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26It was a lovely two-bedroom semi with a gazebo in the garden.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28- It looks nice. - Looks beautiful, mate.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- Had rising damp in me extension.- Oh. Not good.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Jordan, Diversity are a very influential dance troupe
0:06:34 > 0:06:37but what I want to know is, do you have a motto?
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- A motto? We do.- What is it?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- Our motto is dream, believe, achieve. - Yeah.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44So it's something we've always believed in,
0:06:44 > 0:06:46and it's got us here talking to you, Hacker,
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- so it's a pretty good thing to believe in.- That's very good, cocker.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- Tell you what, though, I've got a motto for this show.- What is it?
0:06:52 > 0:06:54It's this. Ahem...
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Try, fail, give up.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58CYMBAL CLASHES
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Hacker, mate, that is the wrong attitude.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- Remember, dream, believe, achieve. - Achieve!
0:07:03 > 0:07:06I will, Jordan. I believe!
0:07:06 > 0:07:08I believe!
0:07:10 > 0:07:14- I believe it would be best to give up on this interview.- Oh.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Now, you lads have started presenting as a double act,
0:07:17 > 0:07:19haven't you? What's that been like?
0:07:19 > 0:07:21- It's been pretty cool. - It's been good fun.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23We've travelled all over the place
0:07:23 > 0:07:28- and I'm enjoying time with Mr Banjo right here.- Aw! Mr Banjo!
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Is that cos he's got a big round face?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Well, let's see how good you are, then, shall we?
0:07:34 > 0:07:37- Perri, introduce yourself to the camera.- No problem.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Hi, guys. I'm Perri Kiely from Diversity and...
0:07:40 > 0:07:42BUZZ!
0:07:42 > 0:07:43Ha-ha-ha! Buzzed you!
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- Ha!- That was good. That was good, there's no point buzzing...
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Jordan, you're next.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52Hi, guys. I'm Jordan Banjo from the dance group Diversity...
0:07:52 > 0:07:53BUZZ!
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Ha-ha-ha! Buzzed you! You were buzzed, cockers!
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Buzzy buzzy buzz-buzz! Ha-ha-ha!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Now, Jordan, as a special surprise,
0:08:03 > 0:08:06we've got your big brother on the show. Come on in.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Dream, believe, achieve, boys.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Dream, believe, achieve.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Moving words there from A Banjo.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17I don't quite understand
0:08:17 > 0:08:19how your mother gave birth to a musical instrument.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Hacker, my brother is Ashley Banjo, not A Banjo.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- Let's move on.- Yes. - When you won Britain's Got Talent,
0:08:26 > 0:08:29you got to dance at the Royal Variety Performance in front of
0:08:29 > 0:08:33- true royalty, the most influential woman in the country.- Yes.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Yes, and I loved it.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Not you! Get out, Mother!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- That's not very nice. - Talking of heads of state,
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Perri, you had a bit of an accident
0:08:43 > 0:08:45when you performed in front of the Prime Minister,
0:08:45 > 0:08:47didn't you? What happened?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49We were dancing... Thanks for bringing it up, by the way.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53- That's all right.- We were dancing and I slipped and I hit my head,
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- so yeah, I had a bit of an accident. - Very funny.- Oh, that's bad.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58But it has happened to the best of us.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01I mean, I once had a nasty accident down Downing Street.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03URINATING
0:09:04 > 0:09:08Oh, no. That's embarrassing!
0:09:08 > 0:09:10But at least I didn't slip and fall.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Aagh!
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Who left this urine here?
0:09:15 > 0:09:19And then I was banished from the British Empire for 970 years.
0:09:19 > 0:09:24- Gross.- Perri, you little scamp, "you're in Splash!"- Yes, I was.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27No, "urine splash". I've left a bit of widdle under the desk.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30- Sorry about that.- Oh, that's gross!
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Seriously, though, you must have learned a few things about diving.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Is there any safety advice
0:09:35 > 0:09:37you'd give someone who wanted to give it a go?
0:09:37 > 0:09:39OK, number one - no belly flopping.
0:09:39 > 0:09:44All right, all right, don't go on about it! It can't be that hard.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45Hacker, are you sure that's safe, mate?
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Nope, but anyway, here I go.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Herman, you did remember to fill that barrel with water, didn't you?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54What barrel?
0:09:54 > 0:09:55Here goes nothing.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56Aaagh...
0:09:56 > 0:09:57Oh!
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Oh! He missed the barrel completely!
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Perri and Jordan, I'm sorry you had to see that.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09If only you'd given me some safety advice.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I think we're about done here.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Larry, why don't you tell us what's next?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Oh-oh-oh!
0:10:16 > 0:10:20Ever wondered what TV talent shows looked like in medieval times?
0:10:20 > 0:10:25Well, now you can find out in the latest episode of A Knight's Tail.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Monday in Trumpalot, and merriment filled the air.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Hoo-hoo! There you are, dear. You're just in time to see the new jester.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54He's an edgy comedian.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57FANFARE AND APPLAUSE
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Hello. Ahem. I say, I say, I say.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- What looks disgusting...- Yes?
0:11:04 > 0:11:06- ..smells of poo...- Yes?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09..and sits around all day on its big pimply bum-bum?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Tell me, tell me, tell me.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13The Queen.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14LAUGHTER
0:11:16 > 0:11:17O, rare!
0:11:19 > 0:11:21It's funny cos it's edgy.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24- I have a joke myself, jester.- Hmm?
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Knock knock.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Who's there?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29The executioner!
0:11:30 > 0:11:32The executioner...
0:11:33 > 0:11:34Hah!
0:11:34 > 0:11:36I don't get it.
0:11:36 > 0:11:42Good folk of Trumpalot, welcome to Kingdom Hath Talent,
0:11:42 > 0:11:43my search for a new jester.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45ALL: Hurray!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Send in the first act.
0:11:50 > 0:11:56For my first trick, I shall saw King Derek McGee in half.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58DRUM ROLL
0:12:00 > 0:12:03SAWING
0:12:04 > 0:12:06- Ta-da!- Hoo!
0:12:06 > 0:12:08APPLAUSE
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Now put me back together.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Oh, sorry, mate. I don't know how to do that.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16I'm afraid it's a no from me.
0:12:16 > 0:12:17And me.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19And me.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23HE YELLS
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- No.- No!- No.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36ALL: No!
0:12:36 > 0:12:37Argh!
0:12:37 > 0:12:41I'm doing this to make my pet gibbon proud.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44She lost her eyes, nose, chin and ears
0:12:44 > 0:12:47in a freak custard-based accident.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52If I can bring a smile back to what's left of her face,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55it will all be worthwhile.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Very moving. Now, what's your act?
0:12:58 > 0:13:03Oh! I don't have an act. Just a tragic back-story.
0:13:03 > 0:13:08# So different now from what it seemed
0:13:08 > 0:13:14# Now life has killed the dream
0:13:14 > 0:13:19# I dreamed. #
0:13:19 > 0:13:23THEY SOB
0:13:25 > 0:13:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:27 > 0:13:31Bravo, Sir Cumference, bravo!
0:13:31 > 0:13:34I pity the poor soul who has to follow that.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35FANFARE
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Well... This is going to be terrible.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42DRUM ROLL
0:13:42 > 0:13:49ARMPIT PARPS
0:13:54 > 0:13:56THEY CHEER
0:13:56 > 0:13:59That is the most spectacular thing I've ever seen!
0:13:59 > 0:14:02You shall be my new jester.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03ALL: Hurrah!
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Now entertain me.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06ARMPIT PARPS
0:14:06 > 0:14:08No. Do something else.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13ARMPIT PARPS
0:14:13 > 0:14:15That does it. Sir Loinsteak, come here.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Yeah?
0:14:19 > 0:14:22- Knock knock.- Who's there?
0:14:22 > 0:14:25The executioner!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27The executioner who?
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Oh, knickers.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Hah!
0:14:33 > 0:14:34What am I like?
0:14:36 > 0:14:38I still don't get it.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44I had a moderately nice time making that.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Are you having a moderately nice time?
0:14:46 > 0:14:48We're having a really good time. It's been loads...
0:14:48 > 0:14:49BUZZ!
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Ha-ha! Moving on. We're off to the Opinion Parlour now. Is that OK?
0:14:52 > 0:14:55- Yeah, that's fine with us... - BUZZ!
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Ha-ha... I'm sorry.
0:14:57 > 0:15:02Wilf, Herman, read some e-mails while we sort this out, will you?
0:15:02 > 0:15:03Do you forgive me?
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Welcome to the Opinion Parlour.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09In honour of dancers Jordan and Perri,
0:15:09 > 0:15:12we've been asking you to tell us about your best moves.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Yeah, and Anne from Eccles says
0:15:14 > 0:15:17that her best move was when she moved the telly against the wall,
0:15:17 > 0:15:20so she didn't have to watch this any more.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22I'd turn the telly around if I had to watch me.
0:15:22 > 0:15:27John from Somerset has moved himself to tears having to watch Hacker Time.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Lovely. Thanks for writing in, John.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33And Pam from Senegal likes the conga.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34CHATTERING ON HEADSET
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Hmm? Oh.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Onto the phones.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42I'm pleased to announce that we've had a record number of calls.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Yes. Three in total!
0:15:46 > 0:15:47CHATTERING ON HEADSET
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Oh. They were all wrong numbers.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52That's almost it for today's thrilling Opinion Parlour,
0:15:52 > 0:15:56and in honour of Pam from Senegal, we're going to conga out.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Bye!
0:15:57 > 0:15:59CONGA MUSIC
0:15:59 > 0:16:00CRACK!
0:16:00 > 0:16:01- Oh!- What is it?
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Oh, me hip's gone again!
0:16:03 > 0:16:05This is all Pam's fault.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08What a pointless item. Particularly because I'm not in it.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12Anyway, Perri and Jordan, I wanted to ask, has it been nice
0:16:12 > 0:16:15being able to share all your success with your Diversity team-mates?
0:16:15 > 0:16:19- Yeah.- Definitely. I think it's very, very important to be in a team.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22- We love it. - I have some feelings on the matter.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Allow me to demonstrate via the medium of song. Oh!
0:16:27 > 0:16:29POWER BALLAD MUSIC
0:16:31 > 0:16:37# I've lived my whole life enjoying the limelight every day
0:16:39 > 0:16:42# My fans all adore me
0:16:42 > 0:16:46# I'm normally showered with praise
0:16:47 > 0:16:50# But something occurs to me
0:16:50 > 0:16:54# I've no-one to share my huge victory
0:16:56 > 0:16:59# I can't forget my dream
0:16:59 > 0:17:02# To stand on stage as a whole team
0:17:02 > 0:17:04# To dance with a group
0:17:04 > 0:17:06# To be flung through a loop
0:17:06 > 0:17:11# I want to be part of a famous dance troupe
0:17:11 > 0:17:18# This is the one thing he hopes to achieve
0:17:18 > 0:17:20# To do the splits
0:17:20 > 0:17:22# Make the robot a hit
0:17:22 > 0:17:28# To be flung in the air so high that I am sick
0:17:28 > 0:17:30# To be part of a group
0:17:30 > 0:17:34# To dance in a troupe. #
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- What do you think, cockers?- Do you know what, that was pretty good.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42I think I'll have a word with the Diversity boys
0:17:42 > 0:17:44and hopefully, we'll be able to get you in the group.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46No, thanks. I prefer to work on my own.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- But you literally just said... - Larry, the menu!
0:17:49 > 0:17:52We're dancing our way to your hearts,
0:17:52 > 0:17:55because still to come on today's Hacker Time...
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Hacker and the boys are getting along famously...
0:17:57 > 0:18:00- I think we should have some sort of discussion about this.- No.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- Derek tries a new look... - You know what I mean?
0:18:03 > 0:18:08And we say bonjour to a French-themed Quarter Past Four O'Clock Club.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11All this still to come on Hacker Time.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15There are four reasons why we got a fourth series of Hacker Time,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17and here they are. Ahem.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Reason one - it's cheap.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23Reason two - I'm cheap. Reason three...
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Oh, sounds boring.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Reason four...
0:18:27 > 0:18:31Well, that's enough of that, isn't it, Derek?
0:18:31 > 0:18:33- Derek?- Whassup, blud?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Derek, what's happened to you?
0:18:36 > 0:18:39Just rolling with me homies, you know what I mean?
0:18:39 > 0:18:40But why?
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Just following my idols, you know what I mean?
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Of course I know what you mean! You don't need to keep checking.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50So where did you get the idea to dress like...that?
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Mostly, I just copy my idol, you know what I mean?
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Well, who is this idol of yours?
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Pharrell Williams? Harry Styles? will.i.am?
0:18:59 > 0:19:01No, blud. Me mother, innit?
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Innit! You know what I mean?
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Oh, my days.
0:19:05 > 0:19:10Come on, D-man. It's time for beatboxing class.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12- You know what I mean?- Oh, yes.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14THEY BEATBOX
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Wait for me.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19You know what I mean? Isn't it?
0:19:20 > 0:19:24Ladies and gentlemen, it's finally time to actually learn something,
0:19:24 > 0:19:26because it's time for...
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Word. This is your opportunity
0:19:31 > 0:19:34to find out how to become really talented,
0:19:34 > 0:19:38which is why I've prepared this short monologue about my success.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is about talent? Move aside, Hacker.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44And we're going to teach everyone how to become a good dancer
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- in a few easy steps.- Hang on!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- I think we should have some sort of discussion about this.- No.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50Talent tip number one...
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Now, safety is very important, so before you start dancing,
0:19:57 > 0:19:58have a look around and make sure
0:19:58 > 0:20:00there's nothing near you that can hurt you.
0:20:00 > 0:20:05For example, you can check by waving your arms around like this.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07I can't see any obstacles around here.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Apart from that precariously balanced vase and those mousetraps.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12But I'm sure they won't get in the waaay!
0:20:12 > 0:20:14SMASHING
0:20:14 > 0:20:15MOUSETRAPS SNAP
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Oh! Ow!
0:20:20 > 0:20:22That really hurt!
0:20:22 > 0:20:23Let's move on.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24- SNAP! - Oh!
0:20:27 > 0:20:29To be in a group like Diversity,
0:20:29 > 0:20:32you have to be really strong to make sure you can do all the flips.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35So using weights can really help to build those muscles.
0:20:35 > 0:20:36Hurray. No problem, cocker.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38I'm dead strong, ain't I? Look.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Hnngh! Hmmnngh!
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Actually, it's quite heavy, this one. Hnnngh!
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Hacker, yours is made of foam, mate.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46What? Aaagh!
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- MOUSETRAPS SNAP - Oh!
0:20:51 > 0:20:53I think you'd better move on.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58If you're going to be in a dance group like Diversity,
0:20:58 > 0:21:01you need to trust each other 100%, like this.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- Hacker, you want to have a go at catching Perri?- I'd love to.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11You can trust me 100%.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13I will not let you down.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15- All right.- Let's do it.- Here goes.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Oh, look, mousetraps!
0:21:17 > 0:21:19I could do with cleaning those up, couldn't I, really?
0:21:19 > 0:21:21MOUSETRAPS SNAP
0:21:21 > 0:21:22Where did he go? Oh, well.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Forget him. Let's move on.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32And finally, you've got to practise, practise, practise
0:21:32 > 0:21:33until you can do this.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Your turn, Hacker.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40MOUSETRAPS SNAP
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Oh! Ah!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Yes, Hacker, well done, that's actually really good.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Where'd you learn to dance like that?
0:21:46 > 0:21:48I wasn't dancing. The floor's still covered in mousetraps.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50It was agony, cocker!
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Do you know what? I don't get this. This is really weird.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55You've taken, I'm about dancing, and now it's all about mousetraps.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Why do you even have so many?
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Because we've got a real problem with mice in this studio.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02They can't get the triple step right.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06Everyone knows it's quick, quick, slow! Get out, you stupid mouse!
0:22:06 > 0:22:09- Jordan, we should not have agreed to do this show, mate.- No, let's go.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10How rude!
0:22:10 > 0:22:13I think it's perfectly obvious who's got the talent around here.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Everyone knows you shouldn't wear a rose scarlet top against red sash.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Aagh!
0:22:18 > 0:22:19MOUSETRAPS SNAP
0:22:19 > 0:22:20Over to you, Larry.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Do you like exciting school drama
0:22:22 > 0:22:25mixed with spectacular musical numbers?
0:22:25 > 0:22:26Oh, well, never mind.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Here's a Quarter Past Four O'Clock Club instead.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32KEYBOARD CLACKS
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Ah, Josh! I've called you in to give you some good news.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39We have got a French exchange student coming to stay with you.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41He's called Pierre.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43I don't like the French!
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Josh, what are you talking about?
0:22:46 > 0:22:50# I've heard that the French eat frogs' legs and snails
0:22:50 > 0:22:54# They ride around on bikes yelling, "Onions for sale"
0:22:54 > 0:22:58# They all smell of garlic and favour a beret. #
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Josh, they're all stupid stereotypes. These are things you must not say.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06# I bet this bloke Pierre, he goes, "Haw-hee-haw-hee-haw!"
0:23:06 > 0:23:10# He'll have a big moustache in the shape of handlebars
0:23:10 > 0:23:15# He'll be eating smelly cheeses every single hour
0:23:15 > 0:23:19# And moulding bits of Roquefort into the Eiffel Tower
0:23:19 > 0:23:21# Josh, you're wrong, just open your eyes and meet the real French
0:23:21 > 0:23:24# and you'll be surprised. You can't presume you know it all
0:23:24 > 0:23:26# What you've said makes you look like a fool
0:23:26 > 0:23:28# Before you meet Pierre, how can you know?
0:23:28 > 0:23:30# Try out your French, just give it a go!
0:23:30 > 0:23:33# Embrace the culture and then you'll see
0:23:33 > 0:23:35# There's loads to love like baguettes and brie
0:23:35 > 0:23:37# I suppose I've been a little mean.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39# Let's take French - "Ou est la piscine?"
0:23:39 > 0:23:41# Like bonjour, au revoir and "Ou est la gare?"
0:23:41 > 0:23:43# Soutien Gorge is French for bra!
0:23:43 > 0:23:47# Excusez-moi, je voudrais une glace vanille, chocolat ou ananas
0:23:47 > 0:23:49# Vive la France! #
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Oh, I can't wait to meet Pierre now.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54E-MAIL TONE
0:23:54 > 0:23:55Ah. I've just had an e-mail from Pierre.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58He says he doesn't want to meet you any more
0:23:58 > 0:24:01because he's heard British people eat roast beef for every meal
0:24:01 > 0:24:05- and they talk about the weather all day long.- Oh, how wrong he is!
0:24:05 > 0:24:06BELL RINGS
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Ooh! Lunchtime! I really fancy a roast beef sandwich.
0:24:10 > 0:24:11In this weather?!
0:24:14 > 0:24:18It's finally here! The moment you've all been waiting for -
0:24:18 > 0:24:21and no, I'm not talking about the end of the show.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25It's quiz time, folks. Take it away, Hacker.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Perri and Jordan... Get Out!
0:24:31 > 0:24:34It's the name of the next bit of the show. It's my dead good game show.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36- Are you ready, cockers? - We are ready.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39I've tired of both of you for one day, so you'll be fighting
0:24:39 > 0:24:42to go back to being thrown around by your Diversity mates.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44- Is that all right?- That's fine.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Get a question right and you'll go up a level.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Get one wrong and you'll go back down a level, and when the time's up
0:24:49 > 0:24:52you either leave or end up on one of my other weird and wonderful floors.
0:24:52 > 0:24:57One of them houses Jeff Jeffington, the world's most boring man.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00- What do you think about that? - Not good, but we won't end up there.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04- Yeah, well, you've got until you hear this sound...- You mooey!
0:25:04 > 0:25:05Without further ado,
0:25:05 > 0:25:07three, two, backflip, go!
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Perri, your name sounds like berry. Which of these is not a berry?
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Is it A - banana, or B - strawberry?
0:25:14 > 0:25:16- Banana.- Incorrect!
0:25:16 > 0:25:20The answer is B - strawberry. Look it up, cocker, it's true.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Which of these dances is also an eel?
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Is it A - rumba, B - conga,
0:25:25 > 0:25:27C - tango?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29- Tango.- Incorrect.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31The answer's B - conga. Conger eel.
0:25:31 > 0:25:36Which member of Diversity's name is an anagram of "hen lays a job"?
0:25:36 > 0:25:38"Hen lays a job".
0:25:40 > 0:25:41Ashley Banjo.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Correct! Hey, doing well now.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46On which news programme did my good friend Harry Tongue,
0:25:46 > 0:25:49that's him right here, make headlines this week?
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Is it A - Six O'Clock News,
0:25:51 > 0:25:54B - Newsnight, or C - Newsround?
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- Newsround.- Let's find out if you're right. Look at the screen, cocker.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00We've just had some breaking news.
0:26:01 > 0:26:02Sorry, Harry.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05- Yeah!- Oh, correct. You're making a good recovery,
0:26:05 > 0:26:08like Harry did after that incident. Off you pop, Harry.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Right, the next question is this.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Your motto is dream, believe, achieve.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15But can you remember what my motto was from earlier in the show?
0:26:15 > 0:26:16Do you remember?
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Try, fail, give up.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- Correct, cocker!- Yay!
0:26:20 > 0:26:24Now, which Splash! star have we McGeed in this picture?
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Look at that over there.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Who's that?
0:26:28 > 0:26:30- Vernon Kay!- Correct!- Yeah!
0:26:30 > 0:26:32The next question is this.
0:26:32 > 0:26:33Catch this!
0:26:35 > 0:26:37- Correct!- Get out!
0:26:37 > 0:26:39You lit up all the buttons to the ground floor,
0:26:39 > 0:26:41so you are allowed to leave.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43- Yes!- It's been lovely having you here, cockers.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46- Now, get out!- All right. See you later, Hacker.- Bye.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Hey, Perri and Jordan,
0:26:48 > 0:26:50have you anything you'd like to say before you go?
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Actually, I'd like to say...
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Ha-ha-ha! Thank goodness they've gone.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58I'm off now for a wild night with my well cool dance mates...
0:26:58 > 0:27:00We're playing cards with a hot chocolate,
0:27:00 > 0:27:02then we're going to have an early night.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05But before that, it's time for me to sing my song, cocker!
0:27:10 > 0:27:12# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:27:12 > 0:27:15# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go
0:27:15 > 0:27:17# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:17 > 0:27:20# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time
0:27:20 > 0:27:22# It's been amazing, we've been larking around
0:27:22 > 0:27:24# The whole programme cost just under a pound
0:27:24 > 0:27:27# Watch again next time cos we've got much more
0:27:27 > 0:27:29# There'll be tons of other funny stuff, it will be top drawer
0:27:29 > 0:27:34# The boys from Diversity, they got right in the groove
0:27:34 > 0:27:36# They tried to show me a thing or two
0:27:36 > 0:27:39# But I think I proved for definite that I've got all the moves
0:27:39 > 0:27:41# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:27:41 > 0:27:43# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go
0:27:43 > 0:27:46# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:46 > 0:27:48# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time
0:27:48 > 0:27:51# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time
0:27:51 > 0:27:53# That is the end of today's Hacker Time!
0:27:53 > 0:27:54HE WHISTLES
0:27:54 > 0:27:56CRACK!
0:27:56 > 0:27:57Not again!
0:27:57 > 0:27:59CRACK!