0:00:03 > 0:00:05Warning - the following programme
0:00:05 > 0:00:07will make your eyes leave your face in disgust.
0:00:07 > 0:00:11OK, everyone, I've noticed you've all been very down lately.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Not one of you has cracked a smile in the last month.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16That's cos I can't smile.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23There's only one way to boost morale in a situation like this.
0:00:23 > 0:00:28I'm going to hand out badges to recognise your talents.
0:00:28 > 0:00:32- I'm easily swayed by token gestures. - OK.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35The badge for best worker goes to...
0:00:35 > 0:00:37DRUMROLL
0:00:37 > 0:00:41- Lolly!- Well done, very well deserved.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43The badge for the best hair goes to...
0:00:43 > 0:00:46- DRUMROLL - Come on, Herman. Come on, Herman.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Lolly as well!
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Oh, and I'd just had my perm topped up.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54The badge for best person named Wilf goes to...
0:00:54 > 0:00:56DRUMROLL
0:00:56 > 0:00:59- Lolly!- What?
0:00:59 > 0:01:01I've never liked her.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04And the award for the best victim of a falling comedy prop goes to...
0:01:04 > 0:01:05DRUMROLL
0:01:05 > 0:01:09Yes, yes, yes, we know, it's Lolly, it's always Lolly.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Lolly!
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Lorraine!
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Actually it was you, Hacker.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20HE GROANS
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Ooh, my spinal column.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Run the titles!
0:01:27 > 0:01:29# You gotta watch this
0:01:31 > 0:01:34# You gotta watch this
0:01:34 > 0:01:36# You gotta watch this
0:01:36 > 0:01:40# My, my, my, my programme hits you so hard
0:01:40 > 0:01:42# Makes me say oh, my word
0:01:42 > 0:01:45# Thank you for watching me It's telly
0:01:45 > 0:01:46# But not what you normally see
0:01:46 > 0:01:48# It feels good and there's outtakes too
0:01:48 > 0:01:50# Comedy, guests and clips It's true
0:01:50 > 0:01:52# So sit back, don't move too much This is a show
0:01:52 > 0:01:55# Ha! You can't touch
0:01:55 > 0:01:58# Stop! Hacker time! # Thank you.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Stand by, then, everyone.
0:01:59 > 0:02:06We're on air in five, four, three, two, one.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08But I don't even work here.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Cue Hacker!
0:02:10 > 0:02:14All right, cockers! Welcome to Hacker Time. Hurrah.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Today's show is all about Blue Peter.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Oh, you called?
0:02:18 > 0:02:22No, no, I said Blue Peter, not you, Turquoise John.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Oh, my mistake.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- Yeah, and you can take Aquamarine Sue with you and all.- We're leaving!
0:02:27 > 0:02:29CAR SPEEDS AWAY
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Anyway, my guests should be arriving just about now.
0:02:32 > 0:02:33Not that they know it yet.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35HE LAUGHS
0:02:35 > 0:02:37- HE COUGHS - Excuse me.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- Hi, sorry to disturb you.- Hi. - It's Radzi and Lindsey.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- We're here for Blue Peter.- Excuse me, is it Rodney and Linda?- No, no.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45- Who's that?- Radzi and Lindsey.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- That's right, mate, get in the lift, then.- Oh, no...
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- No, no, it's this way. Get in the lift, come on.- No, no.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Get in the lift.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- Come on, in you get. - We're here for Blue Peter.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55- The doors are closing!- What?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Down.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59ALARM BLARES
0:02:59 > 0:03:01THEY YELL
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Ladies and gentlemen, it's Radzi and Lindsey!
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Rodney and Linda, welcome to Hacker Time!
0:03:12 > 0:03:15It's actually Radzi and Lindsey.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16Hate to rain on your parade,
0:03:16 > 0:03:18we're supposed to be filming Blue Peter today.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Oh, I'm sorry, cockers, you'll have to stay now
0:03:21 > 0:03:22because the lift's broke.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- Is it? I don't think it is. - No, it's not.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28In fact it's definitely not broken.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29It is now!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31In that case, let's get on with it.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Derek, the fact file if you will.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Coming up, me little owl.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Radzi and Lindsey are off some programme called Blue Peter.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Never heard of it.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Lindsey got the job when she was voted in by the public
0:03:47 > 0:03:50after a series of gruelling challenges.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52A few months later, Radzi breezed in
0:03:52 > 0:03:55after beating a pot plant in a hairstyle competition.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57When they're not in the studio,
0:03:57 > 0:04:00they spend their free time dressing as street mime artists
0:04:00 > 0:04:04and that's nothing you need to know about Radzi and Lindsey.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08I think we all learned a lot from that, don't you agree,
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Radzi and Lindsey?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Radzi and Lindsey! Oi!
0:04:13 > 0:04:15What are you doing over there?
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Well, they're helping me sort through the Hacker Time fan mail,
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- Mr Hacker.- Ooh, let me have a look.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Ooh! Lindsey, is there anything for me in that massive sack?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Well, actually, look at all that, that's really impressive.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- Yeah, sorry though, Hacker, they're actually all for Herman.- What?
0:04:34 > 0:04:37No, no, there is one for you, Hacker.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Oh, let me read it, then.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44"Dear Hacker, I wanted to tell you that I am a massive fan...
0:04:45 > 0:04:48"..of Herman! Love from Hacker's mum!"
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Right, that does it!
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Herman, I've got some more letters for you, actually.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- Oh, yeah?- Yeah.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59G-O A-W-A-Y.
0:04:59 > 0:05:05- Spells go away. Yeah. Go away, Herman! Go away!- Bye, then.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08- Go on, then, get out.- Aw. - That's not very nice.- Not at all.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11That man is an assault on all the senses.
0:05:11 > 0:05:12Let's get on with the show.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Lazza, the menu.
0:05:16 > 0:05:21On today's Hacker Time, we'll make you laugh until your head sweats.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Coming up, Hacker makes Radzi angry.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28It's up and up and away in the Aeroport.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30PARP!
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- Is that your life vest deflating? - Nope.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35And there's a case of mistaken identity.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Oi! What are you doing? I'm Hacker, not you.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41All this and more on Hacker Time.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44What a treat for all concerned.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46But first, it's time to conduct my little interview.
0:05:46 > 0:05:51- Are you ready my clean-cut, humanoid presenting chums?- Yes.- Born ready.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54- Born ready, Hacker.- Belting. Lindsey.- Yes.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55- Lindsey Russell.- Mm-hm.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58No, no, Lindsey. Lindsey, rustle these papers on my desk, go on.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02I haven't got all day. Give them a quick rustle, cocker.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07Thank you. I can't stand silent stationery.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- Radzi.- Yes.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Radzi Chin...
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Radzi Chin...
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Radzi Chim-chiminey-chim-chim-cheree.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Radzi, how do you pronounce your surname?
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Dodge.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Made a funny. It's not like you, cocker.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- Now, Radzi.- Yes.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- You present three shows on CBBC, don't you, cocker?- I do.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Blue Peter, Wild and Match Of The Day Kickabout, is that right?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34That's right.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Wouldn't it be better to concentrate on one and do it well?
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Yeah, you can have that, it's true.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Cheers, cockers, I've seen them and they're muck.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Right, while you're both here, I've got a confession to make.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51I'm afraid I've been doing my business in the Blue Peter garden.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54That's right, I'd like to buy 16 shares
0:06:54 > 0:06:56to increase my gross profit by 25%.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Good day to you, sir!
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Now to do a massive plop.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04I think I might've plopped onto the time capsule. Oh, no, stop it.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Yes, madam, no.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Oh, I hope you're not too angry with me, Radzi,
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- because I know what you can get like.- Really?
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- OK.- Come on.- One, two, three.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Good man, good man.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Brilliant. OK, now let's keep moving.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21HE GROANS
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Keep moving now, OK? You're going to push off. OK, good.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Now very quickly just duck down, get your shoulders in the water
0:07:28 > 0:07:29and come back up.
0:07:31 > 0:07:36- I've never been so cold in all of my life.- Or green.- Or green, exactly.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Didn't Radzi have a fine figure in that clip?
0:07:38 > 0:07:41And such a lovely natural skin tone.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Just like me!
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Now Lindsey, you were the first Blue Peter presenter
0:07:45 > 0:07:49to be picked by a public vote, what was it like, cocker?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- It was a real compliment and the best day of my life.- Aw.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56But do you remember when I nearly ruined everything for you
0:07:56 > 0:07:57during You Decide?
0:07:57 > 0:08:01- No.- Well, let's have a look.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05Hidden in these three boxes in front of you are a type of food
0:08:05 > 0:08:07- penguins would eat.- What?
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Ha-ha, sh.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Dunk your hand. What can you feel?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14That's a shrimp.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17- Ooh, she's going to think I'm a fish.- OK.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20- Oh, my goodness, that's a fish. - Yeah, what kind of fish?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22- It's a massive sort of fish. - OK, next.- OK.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Hang on a minute, what's that? Do you mind?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27That's got tentacles, I don't like it.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31And I don't like you with your hands all over me. Get off.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33I think that is a squid.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35A squid? How dare you?
0:08:35 > 0:08:36I hope you don't get the job!
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- Ew.- Very smelly.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Yeah, I'd agree with that bit.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45I don't remember it being quite like that, Hacker.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49I know, I filmed that and mocked it up. That's what I do.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Now you're a pair of hip young things, aren't you?
0:08:52 > 0:08:56What's it like presenting with your grandad Barney Harwood?
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- He's not that old, is he? - No, he's not that much older.
0:09:00 > 0:09:01But do you know what?
0:09:01 > 0:09:05That guy, he's been in the game a long time, we learn a lot from him.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08On Blue Peter, you're obsessed with keeping stinking animals as pets,
0:09:08 > 0:09:13aren't you? What's been your favourite pet over the years?
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- I think Barney the dog.- Yeah.- Cos we got to meet him, didn't we?- We did.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Thought you were going to say Harwood, then.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24He's my favourite pet. Hey, we've got a Hacker Time pet, you know.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- Oh, yeah?- Enid the guinea pig. - Oh, that's nice.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31Yeah, she's been hibernating in this box for eight years, you know?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Hacker, you can't hibernate for eight years,
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- that's not how it really works.- Oh.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40- You'd better take a look inside the box, then.- Oh, no.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- Have a little look. - Oh, wow. Eight years?
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Yeah, approximately eight years, yeah. Look right at the...
0:09:47 > 0:09:48I don't believe it!
0:09:48 > 0:09:50She's...
0:09:50 > 0:09:51She's escaped!
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Larry! Get us out of this!
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Have your passports at the ready,
0:09:56 > 0:10:00because it's time to take a mini break with Best Regional Airways.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02You're going to love this one,
0:10:02 > 0:10:06because it's Valentine's Day at the Aeroport.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10Places to go, deadlines to keep and passengers shouting a lot.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13I don't know what I'm shouting about!
0:10:13 > 0:10:16It's all just another day in the life of the Aeroport.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24It's Valentine's Day and love is very much in the air.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28As we're very much in the air, Mrs Love,
0:10:28 > 0:10:30what would you like for your in-flight meal?
0:10:34 > 0:10:38On board today's Best Regional Airway's flight to Paris
0:10:38 > 0:10:41is pilot Captain Alan Barbara.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Welcome on board today's flight to Paris.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47I'm your pilot Captain Alan Barbara.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49I just wanted to tell you that...
0:10:49 > 0:10:51RADIO CRACKLES
0:10:51 > 0:10:54..devastated, I need a new girlfriend.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56He's devastated?
0:10:56 > 0:10:59He needs a new girlfriend?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01He must be mine.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Well, you'll have to fight me for him.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09I just told everyone that today's in-flight movie is
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Devastated, I Need A New Girlfriend.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Wish my girlfriend was here, she loves a good romcom.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18As such a busy airport,
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Wigan International sees hundreds of emotional scenes each day.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24I wish you didn't have to go.
0:11:24 > 0:11:29- It'll go so much quicker than you think, darling.- Will you write?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Of course.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35- And you won't talk to other women, will you?- No chance.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37I'll be thinking of you the whole time.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39All right, well,
0:11:39 > 0:11:42you better leave before I change my mind about you going.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43Farewell, my love.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51It's so hard!
0:11:51 > 0:11:53TOILET FLUSHES
0:11:53 > 0:11:55- All done.- You didn't write!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Meanwhile on the Paris flight,
0:11:59 > 0:12:02the captain has just called his stewardesses to the cabin
0:12:02 > 0:12:05to discuss his relationship status.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08I'm sure asking two single members of the cabin crew in here on
0:12:08 > 0:12:13a matter relating to my relationship status won't cause any confusion.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17- Pick me!- No, me!- Me!- Me! - Pick me!- Me!
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Ladies, there's no need for that.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Now I asked you in here because I have something for both of you.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26- Oh.- I want you to take these
0:12:26 > 0:12:28and you to take these.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33I bought them for my beautiful girlfriend.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35I know I can trust you to keep them safe
0:12:35 > 0:12:39and not get confused as in thinking that I've bought them for you.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Well, I'm sure that was all perfectly clear.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46He loves me!
0:12:46 > 0:12:48He loves me!
0:12:48 > 0:12:50He loves me!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Yes, very clear.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55One hour into the flight,
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Denise tries a new way to impress Captain Barbara
0:12:58 > 0:13:01by playing her lifejacket.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04A TUNE IS PLAYED
0:13:11 > 0:13:14CHEERING
0:13:14 > 0:13:18If you think that's good, check this out, Captain Babs.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21AIR HISSES, LOUD POP
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Well, this is embarrassing.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Oh, suppose there's only one thing left to say.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- Denise.- Yes?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Your whistle playing blew me away.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33When we reach Paris, would you be free to meet with me?
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Of course.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Excellent, I'm marrying my girlfriend tomorrow
0:13:39 > 0:13:42and I'd very much like you to play at our wedding.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Say what?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46PARP!
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Is that your life vest deflating?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Nope.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57Next time, Mr and Mrs Breadbin face another painful goodbye
0:13:57 > 0:14:00as Wilf leaves to go to the vending machine.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Just make sure you write this time.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05And even with a broken heart,
0:14:05 > 0:14:09Denise finally turns up to play at Captain Barbara's wedding.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11SHE PLAYS THE FUNERAL MARCH
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Just another day in the life of the Aeroport.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Oh, that was so awful. I resent having a memory. Oh, we're on!
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Radzi and Lindsey, let me ask you,
0:14:22 > 0:14:25are you two enjoying the show so far?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- I actually am.- We are. - It's good fun, we love Hacker Time.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32Oh, good. Although I wouldn't let you leave if you weren't, cocker.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Anyway, now it's time for me to have a lickle break
0:14:35 > 0:14:39so here's Wilf and Herman with the Opinion Parlour.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Don't look at me when I'm on my break!
0:14:45 > 0:14:50Hello, lads and lassies. Welcome to the Opinion Parlour with me, Wilf.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53And me, Wilf. Sorry, I mean Herman.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Yes, in honour of Blue Peter, we've been asking you to make
0:14:56 > 0:14:59replica Hackers out of regular household items.
0:14:59 > 0:15:05Anne from Eccles sent in this Hacker made out of an old kitchen roll.
0:15:05 > 0:15:10This next one's been sent in by Keith from Equatorial Guinea.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13It's made from a toilet brush, some hair found in the drain
0:15:13 > 0:15:17and a pair of recycled currants for eyes.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Get it off my screen!
0:15:19 > 0:15:21If you'd like to get in touch, e-mail us at...
0:15:32 > 0:15:36- And back to you, Hacker.- Dash.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Thank you, Wilf and Herman. Coming up, next...
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Oi, what are you doing? I'm Hacker, not you.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Get away you stinking wretch.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Although all this chat reminds me of the time
0:15:46 > 0:15:49I made something in the style of Blue Peter.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52- Do you want to hear about it, cocker?- Yeah.- Definitely.
0:15:52 > 0:15:57Like you had a choice. Music if you will.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00MUSIC PLAYS
0:16:00 > 0:16:06# Life gets so lonely when you walk this road alone
0:16:06 > 0:16:12# I needed someone that I could call my own
0:16:13 > 0:16:16# Then I thought I'll make a girlfriend
0:16:16 > 0:16:19# And I think I'll call her Pat
0:16:19 > 0:16:20# Call her Pat
0:16:20 > 0:16:24# So I searched around the house for a load of useless tat
0:16:24 > 0:16:26# Useless tat
0:16:26 > 0:16:28# I found a paper plate to make her face
0:16:28 > 0:16:31# And I gave her foil tins for eyes
0:16:31 > 0:16:33# Tins for eyes
0:16:33 > 0:16:38# Pat's ears came from the fridge and her hair was made of rice
0:16:38 > 0:16:39# Made of rice
0:16:39 > 0:16:45# The secret to her smile was a length of knicker elastic
0:16:45 > 0:16:48# Then I held the whole thing together
0:16:48 > 0:16:51# With a ton of sticky back plastic
0:16:52 > 0:16:57# One day I realised that I'd left her in the rain
0:16:57 > 0:16:58# Rain
0:16:58 > 0:17:01# Her toilet roll arms and her pipe cleaner toes
0:17:01 > 0:17:04# They'd all gone on the wane
0:17:04 > 0:17:06# Wane
0:17:06 > 0:17:10# So I chucked her in the bin. #
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Pat.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18They don't tell you about that on Blue Peter, do they?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Do they?!
0:17:20 > 0:17:22- No.- No.- No, they don't.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26Larry, take over for a sec, cocker.
0:17:26 > 0:17:27I need a moment.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29HE CRIES
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Still to come on today's Hacker Time...
0:17:31 > 0:17:33HACKER SOBS
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Radzi's read the jokes we've written for the rest of the programme.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Something dreadful's going to happen.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Today's Quarter Past Four O'Clock Club is out of this world
0:17:41 > 0:17:44and Hacker puts Harry Tongue in his place.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47And stop building your part!
0:17:47 > 0:17:50All still to come on today's Hacker Time.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Yes, I want to tell you a little bit more about the Hacker Time crew.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57- First of all, they love me... - Oh, I'm so glad I won't have to
0:17:57 > 0:17:59watch this rubbish much longer, Lolly.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01What are you talking about?
0:18:01 > 0:18:05- You're looking at the new producer of Blue Peter.- You what?
0:18:05 > 0:18:09Finally, I'll get to work on a real show and nothing, yes,
0:18:09 > 0:18:12- nothing is going to stop me.- Derek!
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Mother, what are you doing here?
0:18:14 > 0:18:21- I believe you have something to tell me.- No, no, I don't. No, nothing.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23He's got a new job on Blue Peter, Mother McGhee.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28- There's no way you could do this job.- Mother!- Is this the contract?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30But Mother!
0:18:33 > 0:18:35SHE BURPS
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Let us never speak of this again.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Goodbye.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Oh, well. At least I'm respected round here.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Now where did I leave the notes for the rest of the programme?
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Oh, sorry, I got a little peckish.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59And now, Hacker Time proudly presents
0:18:59 > 0:19:02a low budget Blue Peter rip off.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05- Hello!- Hello!
0:19:05 > 0:19:07And welcome to the new-look Blue Peter.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10All of the funny with none of the money.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Logo's dropped a bit.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18I'm Hacker T Dog and these two are a pair of rank amateurs.
0:19:18 > 0:19:23- Say hello, rank amateurs.- Hello, rank amateurs.- Lindsey, come with me.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27It's time to unveil the time capsule.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Now this time capsule was buried a whole 45 years ago.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32We're going to be taking a look inside at some really
0:19:32 > 0:19:35interesting objects to tell us how people lived back then.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38So first up we've got...
0:19:38 > 0:19:42- an MP3 player.- Wow!
0:19:42 > 0:19:45To think all their tunes would be stored in one place.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48How did they cope, the poor souls?
0:19:48 > 0:19:53Yeah, and next up, we've got a One Direction album.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56I can't believe they only had One Direction back then.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59I mean, we've got four directions now.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02How did people even walk anywhere?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Who knows, Hacker? And last up we've got...
0:20:05 > 0:20:07a copy of today's newspaper.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09What? Hacker, what is going on?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12This was all meant to be buried 45 years ago.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16Oops, I must've buried it 45 minutes ago.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19I'm always getting years and minutes mixed up.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Still, it hasn't caused many problems thus far.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23OVEN TIMER BEEPS
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Ooh, that'll be my roast chicken, cocker,
0:20:25 > 0:20:27I've had it in the oven for 45 minutes.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Go and be a love and have a look for me.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Maybe I've had it in for 45 years instead.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Oh, that's terrible!
0:20:41 > 0:20:42It needs more pepper.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Go and get us some, would you, cocker?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49So now I'm going to show you how to make this model of the Taj Mahal
0:20:49 > 0:20:53using just pencil sharpenings but it is very, very delicate.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55La, la, la, la.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58- La, la, la.- Hacker! What are you doing?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01I'm cleaning the studio, ain't I?
0:21:01 > 0:21:02He's a bit slow, isn't he, cocker?
0:21:02 > 0:21:06No, be careful, this took me 45 minutes to make!
0:21:06 > 0:21:11Wow, you've been working on this since 1969?
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Hacker, just get out, something dreadful's going to happen, go!
0:21:14 > 0:21:16- All right.- Oh, Hacker, I got that pepper you asked for.
0:21:16 > 0:21:21- Oh, lovely, give us a sniff, cocker.- Here you go.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Ah-ah-ah...
0:21:24 > 0:21:26RADZI AND LINDSEY SNEEZE
0:21:26 > 0:21:28You pair of absolute mooeys!
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Look at the mess you've made.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33- Right, that does it, you're off the show!- What?- Go, on your bikes.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37- But Hacker...- Go on, you're no Skelton and Harwood, are you?
0:21:37 > 0:21:40- Get out, go on.- I don't know how Yonko puts up with him.- Pah, Yonko!
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Who's that? Well, that's all we've got time for this week.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46But join me next week when I'll be damaging yet another
0:21:46 > 0:21:48beloved TV show format.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52Now where'd you leave that chicken? Oh, it's over there.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Do you like exciting school drama
0:21:54 > 0:21:57mixed with spectacular musical numbers?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Oh, well, never mind,
0:21:59 > 0:22:01here's a Quarter Past Four O'clock Club instead.
0:22:03 > 0:22:08OK, everybody ready for their annual school trip?
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Ooh, where is it this time, sir?
0:22:11 > 0:22:15The box factory? The car park museum?
0:22:15 > 0:22:17The local sewage works?
0:22:17 > 0:22:20THEY GROAN
0:22:20 > 0:22:23# Flemsbury High trips were notorious boring, if I took you somewhere good
0:22:23 > 0:22:26# Man, the numbers would be soaring What about the seaside?
0:22:26 > 0:22:27# Everybody bring your shades
0:22:27 > 0:22:30# I'll eat loads of ice cream bring my bucket and spade
0:22:30 > 0:22:32# Maybe take a little trip to the Wild, Wild West
0:22:32 > 0:22:35# Or go on a search for a pirate treasure chest
0:22:35 > 0:22:37# I'll get my roller blades I'll get a mountain bike
0:22:37 > 0:22:40# Actually change my mind, we're going to the cheese museum today
0:22:40 > 0:22:42# Aw, sir!
0:22:42 > 0:22:44# Psych! Let's see a rock band or go into space
0:22:44 > 0:22:48# Go swimming with sharks and come face to face with real life dangers
0:22:48 > 0:22:52# Real life highs, it's getting exciting and let me you tell me why
0:22:52 > 0:22:54# Everybody say school trip
0:22:54 > 0:22:57# I'll take you anywhere you want
0:22:57 > 0:22:59# Everybody say school trip
0:22:59 > 0:23:02# I'll take you anywhere you like
0:23:02 > 0:23:04# Everybody say school trip
0:23:04 > 0:23:07# That's if there's any money left
0:23:07 > 0:23:09# Everybody say school trip
0:23:09 > 0:23:15# Just checked, there's no money left in the budget. #
0:23:15 > 0:23:16Ah.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20OK, we are here.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22But we haven't left the school.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25I know! It's a tour of Flemsbury High.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28CHEERING
0:23:28 > 0:23:30I've been there.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:23:32 > 0:23:36Now on Hacker Time, it's the exciting, nail biting,
0:23:36 > 0:23:40awe-inspiring part of the show where Hacker likes to say...
0:23:40 > 0:23:41Radzi and Lindsey,
0:23:41 > 0:23:43get out!
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Yes, it's the next bit of the show, cocker,
0:23:48 > 0:23:51you see I've had enough of you so I'm going to get rid.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53- Well, that's nice, isn't it? - Thanks.- Yes, it is, yeah.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56You'll be fighting to get back up to the ground floor
0:23:56 > 0:23:58so you can return to your boring lives.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02Get a question right and you'll go up a level, get one wrong
0:24:02 > 0:24:05and you go back down a level and, when the time's up,
0:24:05 > 0:24:08you'll either leave or end up in one of my other weird
0:24:08 > 0:24:12and wonderful floors like Gerard and Nigel's nit comb cellar.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- Do you understand?- Yeah. - Absolutely.- Yeah.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Well, you've got until you hear this sound...
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Oh, is it home time yet?
0:24:24 > 0:24:28So in three, two, W, go!
0:24:28 > 0:24:32Question one, how many Blue Peter presenters have been called Peter?
0:24:34 > 0:24:35- Two.- Two.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Correct. Yes, Purves and Duncan.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39But no presenter has been blue.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43Lindsey, spell Radzi's surname.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46C-H-I-N...
0:24:46 > 0:24:47Y-A-N...
0:24:49 > 0:24:53..G-A-N-Y-A.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55- Correct! Well done, cocker. - That was good, isn't it?
0:24:55 > 0:24:59Question three, which TV show has my long-running sidekick
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Harry Tongue appeared in this week?
0:25:02 > 0:25:06Is it Songs Of Praise or Bargain Hunt?
0:25:06 > 0:25:07Bargain Hunt.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Ooh, let's find out if you're right or not.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11What?
0:25:11 > 0:25:16No, we're not going rename the show Tongues Of Praise, OK?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18I'm off to sing a hymn.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22I'm sorry, you're wrong, cocker, it was Songs Of Praise.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Now, clear off, Tongue, and stop building your part.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29- Question four, a football one for you, Radzi.- OK.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33Which of these things hasn't Mario Balotelli reportedly done?
0:25:33 > 0:25:36A, train chickens to bring him food
0:25:36 > 0:25:39or B, had an allergic reaction to a football pitch?
0:25:39 > 0:25:43- I think the first one.- Chickens. - Yeah, chickens.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47Correct. Yes, he hasn't trained chickens to bring him food, yeah.
0:25:47 > 0:25:54Question five, which CBBC star have we McGhee'd in this picture?
0:25:54 > 0:25:58- Ooh, that's Naomi.- That is the legend that is Naomi Wilkinson.- Yep.
0:25:58 > 0:26:03Correct! Your co-star from Wild, Naomi the crisp-haired Wilkinson.
0:26:03 > 0:26:04Question six,
0:26:04 > 0:26:08what do David Beckham, J K Rowling and Her Majesty The Queen
0:26:08 > 0:26:10all have in common?
0:26:10 > 0:26:12- Gold badge, gold badge. - Yes, yes, yes!
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Correct, they all have a gold Blue Peter badge.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- Lindsey Russell, yes!- And they've all pulled out of Hacker Time Four.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23Question seven, which of these isn't a real place name?
0:26:23 > 0:26:26Is it A, Pratt's Bottom,
0:26:26 > 0:26:28B, Spotty Bottom
0:26:28 > 0:26:32or C, Six Mile Bottom?
0:26:32 > 0:26:35- OK, Pratt's Bottom I think sounds real.- It's got to be Spotty Bottom.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Correct, the answer is Spotty Bottom.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40Get out!
0:26:40 > 0:26:44Congratulations, you lit up all the buttons to the ground floor
0:26:44 > 0:26:46so you are allowed to leave.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48We are out of here.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50It's been lovely having you here, but quite frankly...
0:26:50 > 0:26:54- Thanks for having us.- Thank you. - ..I tire of your company so get out!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57- Go on.- Come on.- Some things never change.- Yes, they don't change.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00- Bye, Hacker.- See you, cockers. - I prefer Dodge.- Oh, whatever.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Any last words before you go?
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Yeah, we just want to say a huge...
0:27:05 > 0:27:06What an excellent pair of guests.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09I wonder who they were. That's it for today, cockers.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13I'm off to scour some stubborn lamb grease off me griddle pan.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16All that's left for me to do now is sing my dreadful end song.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Join in if you know it.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24# That is it for now The end of the show
0:27:24 > 0:27:26# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go
0:27:26 > 0:27:28# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:28 > 0:27:31# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time
0:27:31 > 0:27:33# It's been amazing We've been larking around
0:27:33 > 0:27:36# The whole programme cost just under a pound
0:27:36 > 0:27:38# Watch again next time cos we've got much more
0:27:38 > 0:27:41# There'll be tons of other funny stuff - it will be top drawer
0:27:41 > 0:27:45# Radzi and Lindsey were my guests It really was a lark
0:27:45 > 0:27:48# Until they messed up everything
0:27:48 > 0:27:51# By clumsily ruining a model of a famous landmark
0:27:51 > 0:27:53# That is it for now The end of the show
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go
0:27:55 > 0:27:57# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:57 > 0:28:00# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time
0:28:00 > 0:28:02# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time
0:28:02 > 0:28:05# That is the end of today's Hacker Time. #
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Good-good-good-good bye!