0:00:02 > 0:00:04Hacker Time contains no essential nutrients.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Please don't try and eat it.
0:00:06 > 0:00:10Have you lot noticed something different about Lolly this morning?
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Yes. It's that she's trying to tell us something.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15But what?
0:00:15 > 0:00:17Ahem.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19I have absolutely no idea.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22- Oh, wait, I get it.- Ho-ho!
0:00:22 > 0:00:26She's trying to tell us it's national "wear a party hat" day.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29- Oh...- Oh, I've just realised.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32- Today is a very special day. - Ho-ho-ho!
0:00:32 > 0:00:34It's recycling day.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Anyone got any plastics?
0:00:36 > 0:00:37Oh...
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Hang on, today IS a very special day...
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:00:42 > 0:00:46..because I've just got my latest online delivery, look. La-la!
0:00:46 > 0:00:49It's a book on how to forget someone's birthday.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Oh...
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Wait, Lolly, wait.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55- I've just remembered it's your bir... - Oh.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57- It's your bir...- Oh.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00It's your bird's birthday. BIRD TWEETS
0:01:00 > 0:01:03We bought it for you exactly one year ago, on your birthday.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Do you remember?
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Oh! Oh, what a bunch of mooeys.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15# You gonna watch this?
0:01:15 > 0:01:18# You gotta watch this!
0:01:18 > 0:01:21# You gotta watch this!
0:01:21 > 0:01:25- HE RAPS:- # My, my, my, my programme hits you so hard
0:01:25 > 0:01:27# Makes me say, "Oh, my word!"
0:01:27 > 0:01:28# Thank you for watching me
0:01:28 > 0:01:30# It's telly, but not what you normally see
0:01:30 > 0:01:32# It feels good, there's outtakes too
0:01:32 > 0:01:34# Comedy, guests and clips, it's true
0:01:34 > 0:01:35# So sit back - don't move too much
0:01:35 > 0:01:38# This is the show - ah! - you can't touch. #
0:01:38 > 0:01:40- Stop!- Hacker Time.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Thank you.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43Stand by, everyone.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46We're on air in five...
0:01:46 > 0:01:47four...
0:01:47 > 0:01:49- three...- Ahem.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50..two...
0:01:50 > 0:01:52- one...- Meow!
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Cue Larry.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host
0:01:56 > 0:01:58for a harrowing half hour,
0:01:58 > 0:02:01it's Hacker T Dog.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02You all right, cockers?
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Today is a very special day.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07He's remembered.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11Yes, it's the day of our annual joke inspection.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Oh...
0:02:12 > 0:02:16Oh, hello, Inspector. I hope everything is in order.
0:02:16 > 0:02:17I'm afraid it isn't.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20That latest birthday misunderstanding means you've reached
0:02:20 > 0:02:23your legal joke limit.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25You don't mean...
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Yes, from now on, all comedy on this show is banned.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- HE SQUEALS - Oh,
0:02:31 > 0:02:33not today, of all days.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Lolly's pet bird will be devastated.
0:02:36 > 0:02:41In that case, we had better get a pair of serious actors on as guests.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Well, I hope you're not going to force them here in a comedy fashion.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Ah, about that...
0:02:47 > 0:02:50MUZAK PLAYS
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Hi, we're actors. We're here to film The Dumping Ground.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54Oh, yes, get in the booth, please.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Yeah, we need some more photographs for your ID passes.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- Oh...- Yeah, get in the booth, come on.- Are you sure?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- Hurry up or Jacqueline Wilson will hear about this.- OK.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03- Curtains and doors. - BELL CHIMES
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Yeah...
0:03:05 > 0:03:08- BUTTON BUZZES - Down. Hee-hee-hee!
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- Ah!- Ah!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- What is going on?- I don't know.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14# Ba-da-da-dee, da-da... #
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- Ah!- Ah!
0:03:17 > 0:03:22Ladies and gentlemen, it's Amy-Leigh Hickman and Kia Pegg.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Welcome to Hacker Time.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Oh, no. We're not doing that.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29The jokes aren't even funny.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Well, we're not allowed to do jokes, so the joke's on you.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Oh, well, it better hadn't been.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38- So, will you stay? - Oh, go on, then.- All right.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42Hurrah. In that case, let's find out who you pair of dullards are,
0:03:42 > 0:03:43in the fact file.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47I hope it's a very serious fact file.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Ah, about that...
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Amy-Leigh Hickman and Kia Pegg
0:03:52 > 0:03:55play Carmen and Jody in The Dumping Ground.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Their characters don't get on because they're polar opposites.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Jody likes folding her arms whilst wearing a jacket,
0:04:02 > 0:04:06whereas Carmen likes folding her arms whilst not wearing a jacket.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08The girls live with care-worker Mike Milligan,
0:04:08 > 0:04:12who sold their house for a large painting. Silly man.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Jody's biggest achievement was learning to
0:04:14 > 0:04:17ride an invisible horsey. Giddy-up, Misty!
0:04:17 > 0:04:20While Carmen's was finally learning to fold her arms whilst
0:04:20 > 0:04:21wearing a jacket. Ha!
0:04:21 > 0:04:24And that's all you need to know about Amy-Leigh Hickman
0:04:24 > 0:04:25and Kia Pegg.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27# Pegg, Pegg, Pegg. #
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Your life stories bored me senseless but you'll have to do.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Shall we get on with the show?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35- Yeah.- I guess.- Yeah, why not. - Belting.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39In that case, Larry, tell them what lolz we've got in store.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43Well, this had better be a very informative coming-up menu.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44Ah... About that...
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Today's Hacker Time contains no comedy at all.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50No change there, then.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Coming up, the bumping sound...
0:04:52 > 0:04:54CLANG Ooh! Ow.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55..a trumping hound...
0:04:55 > 0:04:58HE FARTS
0:04:58 > 0:04:59..and some guests from -
0:04:59 > 0:05:02yes, you've got it - Tracy Beaker Returns.
0:05:02 > 0:05:03- Ha-ha!- Ha-ha!
0:05:06 > 0:05:07What a great show we've got, eh?
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Much better than that Dumping Ground rubbish.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Have you ever watched that muck?
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- Erm, no, I don't think we've ever seen it, no.- Now and then.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- I think it's new.- Yeah.- Maybe. - Ha-ha!
0:05:16 > 0:05:20Now, Amy and Kia, it's time for your big interview.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Are you ready?
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- Just about, maybe. Go on, then. - Belting, here we go.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Question one - you both appear on The Dumping Ground.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30That sounds a bit like the trumping ground, doesn't it?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32No, no, no. Stop that.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Yes, everyone knows trump jokes are the worst jokes of all.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38I will not permit them in this interview.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Don't worry, Inspector.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43I haven't got any more planned. It...oh...
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Erm...
0:05:47 > 0:05:50- Oh...- Hmm...
0:05:50 > 0:05:53- I'm watching you.- OK.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- Watch all you like, cocker. I need the viewers.- Ha-ha!- Ha-ha!
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Let's talk about your characters on the show.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Carmen Howle...
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Mmm... Oh, you want me to talk about her?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- No, no, no. Carmen, howl! Let me hear you howl.- Ha-ha-ha!
0:06:06 > 0:06:08- Are you serious?- Yes, I am, yeah.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10- I'm always serious, cocker. - I'm not from Wolfblood, though.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Well, I'll do one, and you can copy me. Ahem.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Aroo-oo-rr-oo-oo!
0:06:15 > 0:06:17A-woooo!
0:06:17 > 0:06:19- Oh, that was quite good, wasn't it?- It was good.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22- Much better than old Bobby Lockwood. - Heh-heh.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Now, are you anything like the characters in the show?
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Our characters are pretty different.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30Oh, I suppose you could say, Carmen and Jody are like chalk and cheese.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Actually, we're chalk and cheese,
0:06:33 > 0:06:35and we've learned to overcome our differences.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Yes, we're off to Benidorm together next week.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40I thought you said we were going to Lanzarote.
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Ha-ha-ha!
0:06:41 > 0:06:46Now, Kia, are you related to our handyman and caterer Wilf Breadbin?
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- I don't think so.- I mean, I'm only asking because you sound like
0:06:49 > 0:06:51you're from the same neck of the woods to me.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Where do you want this wall bracket put in, then, eh?
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Wow, Kia, you said that without moving your lips.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59- It wasn't me. It was Wilf. - Be quiet, Wilf, will you?- Oh.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03- Kia was going to tell me something about a wall bracket.- Oh...
0:07:03 > 0:07:05- Now, off you pop, Wilfred.- Ah...
0:07:05 > 0:07:07In this show, you live in a house
0:07:07 > 0:07:09with a load of people you can't stand.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- What's that like?- Ha-ha!
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- Well, we get on in real life. It's just...- Do we?
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- Yeah.- Do we, though? - Yeah, we all get on.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- Yeah.- We'll tell him we do, Kia. - OK. We all get along.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Well, I live in a house with a load of people I can't stand.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26There's the pink one who doesn't really do much this series,
0:07:26 > 0:07:29then there's the orange one with the really annoying voice.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Oh! How dare he!
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Or there's the green one with the silly catchphrase.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36- Hoo-hoo!- Ha-ha-ha! - See, that was it then.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39And the blue one, whose birthday we pretend to forget every year.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41- I knew it.- Heh-heh-heh.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44And worst of all, there's the disgusting little furry one
0:07:44 > 0:07:45they call Hacker.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48I despise him the most.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Aren't you Hacker? TYRES SCREECH
0:07:50 > 0:07:52# Oh, yeah
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- # Oh, yeah. # - ALARM BUZZES
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Excuse me, that high-pitched "oh, yeah" counts as a joke.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59You're on your final warning.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03- Ha-ha-ha!- In that case, let's watch some highbrow acting.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Do you remember the time that I was in The Dumping Ground?
0:08:07 > 0:08:09No, cos you weren't.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Well, I beg to differ, madam.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Take a look at this.
0:08:13 > 0:08:14Hold it right up for me, please.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Is there OK? Yeah?
0:08:16 > 0:08:17- OK. Ready.- Three,
0:08:17 > 0:08:19two,
0:08:19 > 0:08:20one...
0:08:20 > 0:08:22# La-la-la, da-da, ba-da! #
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Time for a lovely, relaxing bath.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Soothe me them aching deltoids.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29# Boom-ba-doom-ba-da-dee... #
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Smile!
0:08:31 > 0:08:34CEILING SQUELCHES
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Ha-ha!
0:08:36 > 0:08:37Oh, no. Look, oh, no.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39- I think my bath's overflowing. - Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Ho-ho-ho, look,
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Mike looks scared, doesn't he?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- Ha-ha!- Ha-ha!
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Oh, it's about time Carmen had a wash, anyway, isn't it?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49What do you think of that, cockers?
0:08:49 > 0:08:53- I don't think I've ever seen that before.- Good, wasn't it?
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Now, you both first appeared on Tracy Beaker Returns, didn't you?
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- Yeah.- Yeah. - There's one character I miss
0:08:59 > 0:09:01- from those Tracy Beaker days... - HACKER SNIFFS
0:09:01 > 0:09:03..Mike Milligan's hair.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- What happened to it?- Oh, my... - Ha-ha-ha!
0:09:06 > 0:09:09See, we always take the mick out of him, and look, this is why.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11- Look at it. - Look at him in that photo.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13He's a silver-haired beast.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15He was in Cats. Don't take the mick out of him.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17- Looks like he's got a cat on his head, there.- Ha-ha-ha!
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- IN GEORDIE ACCENT:- Actually, my career's really taken off.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23You know, since leaving, I've two Casualties,
0:09:23 > 0:09:25- and a Waterloo Road. - BA DUM TSH
0:09:25 > 0:09:27ALARM BUZZES OK, that's enough.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31I don't want to see any more talking objects on this show.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Next, you'll be doing a joke about Kia Pegg.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- Erm... - HE WHISTLES
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Right, that's one bad joke too far.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Actually, I'm Juan Bad-Joke, and I have come too far.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46- I should be in Alicante. - TYRES SCREECH
0:09:46 > 0:09:49ALARM BUZZES That does it. Shut it down.
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Shut it down!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Oh, how is it come to this?
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I blame the disgusting little furry one.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59Larry, cut to something low on comedy, will you? Oh...
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Get your magnifying glasses at the ready.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05It's time for the Miss Marbles Mysteries.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Hello. Whoever that is.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Wohoo!
0:10:17 > 0:10:19HE WHISTLES CHEERILY
0:10:21 > 0:10:23How do?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Oh, are you all right? Yeah?
0:10:25 > 0:10:26- Agh! - CRASH!
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Agh! Oh...
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Oh, good morning, Constable Heighway.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Anything exciting happening today?
0:10:53 > 0:10:56- No. - < H-e-e-e-elp!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Someone's dyed...
0:11:03 > 0:11:06..my hair green.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10- Well, this is hardly a crimewave.- Oh, isn't it?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13CREEPY MUSIC
0:11:17 > 0:11:23It IS a crimewave! This looks like a case for Miss Marbles!
0:11:23 > 0:11:28- I'll go and get her. - ALL: You are her!- Oh, yeah!
0:11:34 > 0:11:40- So, you found any clues yet?- No, but this crimewave is getting worse.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Someone's even dyed the ground green.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46That's grass, you fool.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48I'm not all there, am I?
0:11:48 > 0:11:50CACKLING SNORE
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Ahem... Oh.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57If my calculations are correct, we'll find the mystery dyer 'ere.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01- I beg your pardon?- I said, we'll find the mystery dyer in here.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04- Oh, I see.- Yeah.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10MISS MARBLES GASPS
0:12:10 > 0:12:15- You found anyone? - No, just some diarrhoea.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16FLIES BUZZ
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Now that I've gathered you all in my drawing room,
0:12:23 > 0:12:26I can finally reveal who the culprit is.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Could it be the vicar, with the stained green hands?
0:12:30 > 0:12:34Oi! That's my natural skin tone! Hoo-hoo!
0:12:34 > 0:12:35Come on.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39Could it be the teashop owner, whose favourite colour is green?
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Oh, you'll never prove it.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47Or could it be the policeman with a secret diploma
0:12:47 > 0:12:49in creative hairdressing?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52I majored in blow drying. Not colour theory.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Well, let me tell you.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58It was none of these people.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59THEY GASP
0:12:59 > 0:13:01The real culprit is...
0:13:05 > 0:13:07..me!
0:13:07 > 0:13:08But why?
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Well, I wanted to get you all round my house
0:13:10 > 0:13:13so I could show off my new tea cosy, didn't I? Do you like it?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15- Oh, that is lovely.- It's really nice.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17H-e-e-e-elp!
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Somebody's died!
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Yeah, yeah, yeah, your hair green. We know.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25No, somebody's actually died. Look.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27THEY GASP IN HORROR
0:13:27 > 0:13:30But then it is old Mr Benardsworth,
0:13:30 > 0:13:32and he's been dead for 147 years.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35So, all's well that ends well.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38THEY LAUGH CHEERILY
0:13:38 > 0:13:42LAUGHTER BECOMES LOUDER AND CREEPIER
0:13:44 > 0:13:51Oh, what a load of old tat. Shall we watch a YouBend video on my tablet?
0:13:51 > 0:13:55- I can't get it working!- Oh, Derek, not that kind of tablet!
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Oh! Wh-h-at am I like?
0:13:57 > 0:13:59SHE SIGHS
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Talking of fails, I saw an hilarious technology fail on YouBend.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07Stick it on. I love it when people fail at technology.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Just put it on.
0:14:11 > 0:14:16Just to make sure this thing is off. Perfect. Great. That's off now.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18I wouldn't want to be recording this by mistake
0:14:18 > 0:14:21and it end up on the internet. Ha-ha-ha! Oh...
0:14:21 > 0:14:23MUSIC: Somebody To You by The Vamps
0:14:23 > 0:14:26# ..is somebody to you
0:14:26 > 0:14:29# All I wanna be Yeah, all I ever wanna be... #
0:14:29 > 0:14:34- Epic fail!- Ha-ha! How embarrassing for him.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38- How can someone be so silly? - Here, listen, imagine
0:14:38 > 0:14:41if all the daft things we do in here were recorded. Just imagine!
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Things like this will be televised to the nation.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46HE TRUMPS
0:14:46 > 0:14:48He-he! He-he! Hoo-hoo-hoo!
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Erm, Derek...
0:14:50 > 0:14:52look behind you.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Oh. Ho ho?
0:14:58 > 0:15:04Amy and Kia, you're both on a critically acclaimed CBBC show.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08- What does that feel like? - It's great.- It is good.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12- But it's not as good as this, is it? - I beg to differ, cocker.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14This is muck.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16I wish I could be on something much better than this old tat.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Music, please.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22# I have been here for nearly five years
0:15:22 > 0:15:25# These tedious guests always bore me to tears
0:15:25 > 0:15:28# This show is the greatest sum of my fears
0:15:28 > 0:15:31# I must leave Hacker Time
0:15:31 > 0:15:34# I could star in the Dumping Ground
0:15:34 > 0:15:36# Experience angst as a teen
0:15:36 > 0:15:39# Have rows with my mum and my dad
0:15:39 > 0:15:42# On Millie Inbetween
0:15:42 > 0:15:46# I'd sift through lots of samples of poo in Operation Ouch!
0:15:48 > 0:15:50# Tell stories about skateboarding foals
0:15:50 > 0:15:53# Whilst sat on the Newsround couch
0:15:53 > 0:15:58# I could extract rabbits from hats and help my supply teacher's magic
0:15:59 > 0:16:01# Be the new Barney, I would
0:16:01 > 0:16:05# And have a dress sense that's tragic
0:16:05 > 0:16:09# But there is just one show on which I'd like to star
0:16:09 > 0:16:11# It's truly the best
0:16:11 > 0:16:13# Has all the top guests
0:16:13 > 0:16:16# Production values that leave me impressed
0:16:16 > 0:16:22# The programme's Hacker Time! #
0:16:22 > 0:16:25So, there you have it, Hacker Time is the best thing on TV.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29And everything else is rubbish. Just as I was saying before.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33- But you wasn't saying that before. - I know. I'm fickle.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34It's one of my character traits.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38- Larry, tell us what other muck's coming up.- Certainly, Hacker.
0:16:38 > 0:16:43This show is a dumping ground for terrible entertainment.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Still to come, the Trumping Ground.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Like the Dumping Ground, but with him.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Who needs singing lessons at Phlegmsbury High?
0:16:51 > 0:16:56And don't miss the big quiz finale, that's the big fancy bit at the end.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58And that's why I'll never trust
0:16:58 > 0:17:00that Richard Wisker with my laundry again.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03It was a right mess. Oh, we're back, right.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06There's something I've always wanted to know about the Dumping Ground.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Something that could change the way people watch it forever.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- What I want to know is... - BELL RINGS
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Oh, lunch. But not for you.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16You're not important enough. Goodbye!
0:17:18 > 0:17:22Oh, I hope it's not plastic knives and forks again.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- What now?- What are we supposed to do?- I'm hungry!
0:17:31 > 0:17:36- Oh, Wilf, everyone thinks our food's really old-fashioned.- Don't worry.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40I've decided to modernise. We're no longer using plates.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42All the trendy restaurants are doing it.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46Oh, you mean, like, serving a burger on a chopping board,
0:17:46 > 0:17:51- and soup in a jam jar?- Well, yes, or the other way round, obviously.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Oh, Wilf.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Here comes a customer!
0:17:56 > 0:18:00Oh, hello. I'd like the salmon, please.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Certainly. Would you like it on an old roof slate?
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Oh, that sounds very trendy.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- Trouble is, the slate's still attached to the roof.- Eh!
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Ow! Doh.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15- Well, in that case, I'll have the lamb casserole.- Oh, good choice.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19- It comes in an old man's hat. - Oh, wow, that's even trendier.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22However, the old man's still in it.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25The gravy's burning my skull.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Oh, dear. Well, maybe I'll just have an egg.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32I believe it comes served on a house brick.
0:18:32 > 0:18:37Actually, it's under a house brick.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39We didn't think that one through.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Well, to be honest,
0:18:41 > 0:18:45I'd really like that meal in that strange red container over there.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47- That's our bin.- I know.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51And it looks far more appetising than any of that rancid food
0:18:51 > 0:18:53you actually sell. Goodbye!
0:18:55 > 0:18:57I'll fire up the van.
0:19:00 > 0:19:05And now Hacker Time proudly presents the Trumping Ground!
0:19:05 > 0:19:06LOUD TRUMP
0:19:06 > 0:19:08No-trump jokes!
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Who is responsible for this?!
0:19:10 > 0:19:12LOUD TRUMP
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- Did you just trump?- No, that was you.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18- It was you.- Are you serious? It was you!- I heard you!- It was you!
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Hold on a minute, what's going on here?
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- Who are you?- I'm your care worker.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24Mike Milligan, MBE.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28Don't you recognise my shiny old bonce? And my MBE?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- You look nothing like Mike. - Right, listen here, love.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34This is all I could afford on the costume budget,
0:19:34 > 0:19:36so just go along with it, will you, please?
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Now, what's the problem going on around here?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- She trumped.- No, no, no. She did.- Quiet a bit.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44As a trained professional,
0:19:44 > 0:19:47I'm going to use a five-step plan to solve this dispute.
0:19:47 > 0:19:53- Step one, we all need to calm down and talk like adults.- OK.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56This is me, talking like an adult.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58What do you think, cocker?
0:19:58 > 0:20:02- It's not helping.- OK, step two. Let's get things off our chest.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06Like these baked beans off this antique chest.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09I mean, why has the catering van stopped using plates?
0:20:09 > 0:20:11So, what is step three?
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Step three is where I assess your personalities
0:20:13 > 0:20:17via the medium of the inkblot test.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19What do you see when you stare at this?
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- A butterfly.- No!
0:20:22 > 0:20:23It's an inkblot.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Oh...!
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Carmen, what do you see when you stare at this?
0:20:27 > 0:20:28- An inkblot.- No!
0:20:28 > 0:20:32It's actually a paint blot, made by a butterfly.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Who was trying to draw an inkblot.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39These are looking suspiciously like jokes.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Get it back on track, please.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43OK. Step four.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Let's hear what you don't like about each other.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Jody...
0:20:48 > 0:20:50what don't you like about Carmen?
0:20:50 > 0:20:52All she ever wears is pink.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54I hate that colour!
0:20:54 > 0:20:56If I see the colour pink one more time,
0:20:56 > 0:20:58I'm going to scream the place down.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Oh, sorry, did somebody say summat?
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Aargh!
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Ooh, calm down, cocker.
0:21:04 > 0:21:09Right. Carmen - what don't you like about Jody?
0:21:09 > 0:21:12All she ever talks about is football. I hate that sport.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14I swear, if I hear one more thing about football
0:21:14 > 0:21:16- I- will screen the place down. - Anyone for snooker?
0:21:16 > 0:21:17Oh...
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- I got that one wrong, didn't I?- I'm starting to get really angry now.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24How do you think I feel? I haven't looked in the mirror in minutes.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Ha-ha. It's just like you, that.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Well - that brings us to step five.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32If you feel emotional, just let it go.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34FARRRRRT!
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Wait. You were the trumper all along?
0:21:37 > 0:21:39No, I wasn't!
0:21:39 > 0:21:41But if it wasn't you, then who was it?
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Actually...it was me.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46SHOWBIZZY FANFARE
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Hold on a minute. I thought you'd banned jokes from this show.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Ah... That wasn't a joke.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54HE FARTS
0:21:54 > 0:21:56JOKE INSPECTOR: Oh...
0:21:56 > 0:22:00Oh, my. If you thought that was bad, wait till you see this.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03It's the Quarter Past 4 O'Clock Club.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Do you know the best thing about the start of a new term?
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Brand-new stationery!
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Oh, you're telling me.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14I just love a ballpoint pen.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Well, check MY kit out.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19# Got my ruler!
0:22:19 > 0:22:21# Got my pen!
0:22:21 > 0:22:24# In Office Supplies Weekly it got 6 out of 10
0:22:25 > 0:22:29# Check my rubber and my hole punch
0:22:29 > 0:22:32# If I get hungry I can eat it for lunch
0:22:33 > 0:22:35# I have this pencil
0:22:35 > 0:22:38# And this notepad
0:22:38 > 0:22:42# Made in China They drive the whole school mad
0:22:42 > 0:22:45# Novelty sharpener Works without hassle
0:22:45 > 0:22:50- BOTH:- # We got it from a school trip to a medieval castle!
0:22:50 > 0:22:52# Stationery!
0:22:52 > 0:22:54# Ring binder reinforcers
0:22:54 > 0:22:56# Stationery
0:22:56 > 0:22:58# Lever arch file!
0:22:58 > 0:23:00# Stationery
0:23:00 > 0:23:03# Eraser fluid
0:23:03 > 0:23:06- They come in 20ml bottles.- Oh, yeah. So you can mess up your writing.
0:23:06 > 0:23:11# Essential tools that you need for school! #
0:23:12 > 0:23:13YEAHHH!
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- Are you all right?- Yeah. I am now. - All right.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the greatest quiz of them all,
0:23:23 > 0:23:25the part of the show we like to call...
0:23:25 > 0:23:29Sit On The Lav-Lav And Answer Some Questions.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:32 > 0:23:35FLUSHING
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Amy-Leigh and Kia, the rules of this game are simple.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40All you have to do is...
0:23:40 > 0:23:43DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:43 > 0:23:45FLUSHING
0:23:45 > 0:23:47..sit on a bog and answer some questions.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50How does it feel being sat upon my throne?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- Not bad. Comfy. - It's quite nice and sparkly.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55- Comfier than you think, in't it? - Yeah.- It is.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57The time will end when you hear this...
0:23:57 > 0:23:59We're off to Alicante!
0:23:59 > 0:24:02- Are you ready?- Ready. - Start the clock.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Name a character in The Dumping Ground.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06- Mo.- Tee.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08What gives you that right?
0:24:08 > 0:24:11It's up to their parents to name 'em, not you!
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Complete this famous double act. Sam and...
0:24:14 > 0:24:15- Mark.- Mark.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18No, it's Sam-on and potatoes. It's Sam and Mark's favourite food.
0:24:20 > 0:24:24Herman has disguised this prop as a CBBC star. But who is it?
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Er...Bobby Lockwood.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Bobby Lockwood!
0:24:29 > 0:24:31No, I'm afraid it's PC Lockplank.
0:24:31 > 0:24:32Who's that...?
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- I'm afraid you're wrong there. Herman, go away.- Aww.
0:24:35 > 0:24:40Please welcome me old chum and soon to be yours - Accordion George!
0:24:40 > 0:24:42# It's Accordion George Acci-G #
0:24:42 > 0:24:45The Big G - the Big George is here,
0:24:45 > 0:24:49he's going to play you a fantastic tune on his acc.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52And you two have to guess what on earth he's playing.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Now, call me old-fashioned, I've done this before -
0:24:54 > 0:24:57you're unlikely to get it because he's not very good, are you, George?
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Play the tune...
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Acci-G!
0:25:01 > 0:25:02HE PLAYS A JAUNTY TUNE
0:25:17 > 0:25:19TUNE ENDS
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Right... All right, all right. All right!
0:25:22 > 0:25:24- Who was it? - He's already getting paid.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28Can you tell me what Acci-G was playing on his massive bulbous acc?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31- Er...- BOTH: Wake Me Up.- Avicii.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Let's find out if you're correct...
0:25:33 > 0:25:35MUSIC: Wake Me Up by Avicii Yes!
0:25:35 > 0:25:39- Knew we'd got it.- Well done! You got it right, well done, cocker.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43I'm not sure how, it sounded like he had pease pudding in his pipes.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45All right, George, go away.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Go on. Take your stool with you.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- Bye, George!- Bye, George. - All right, don't encourage him.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53True or false?
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Oh, that's true.
0:25:55 > 0:25:56Wrong - it was neither.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58We're off to Alicante!
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Times up. That means you've won tonight's star prize.
0:26:01 > 0:26:02- Woo.- Wooo!
0:26:02 > 0:26:04'A used sticky note!
0:26:04 > 0:26:06'Note, no longer sticky.'
0:26:06 > 0:26:08What do you think about that, cockers?
0:26:08 > 0:26:11- I'm really excited about it, actually.- Really?
0:26:11 > 0:26:14- It's like, the top prize, ever. - Don't get carried away.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Cos the prizes don't stop there, cocker -
0:26:16 > 0:26:18you've also won a holiday!
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- Oh! Really?- Where to?
0:26:20 > 0:26:25A barge trip for two through our fantastic studio drainage system.
0:26:25 > 0:26:26Any last words before you go?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- No, thanks.- Er - yeah...
0:26:29 > 0:26:32Herman - flush them away!
0:26:32 > 0:26:33FLUSHING
0:26:33 > 0:26:35BOTH: Aaagh!
0:26:35 > 0:26:37HE LAUGHS
0:26:37 > 0:26:40What a great pair of CBBC stars there. I love 'em in Wolfblood.
0:26:40 > 0:26:44Right. I'm off now to braise a fetid shoulder of lamb in the slow cooker.
0:26:44 > 0:26:49But first I shall sing my trademark song. Join in, cockers!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:26:57 > 0:26:59# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go
0:26:59 > 0:27:01# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:01 > 0:27:04# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time
0:27:04 > 0:27:06# It's been amazing, we've been larking around
0:27:06 > 0:27:08# The whole programme cost just under a pound
0:27:08 > 0:27:11# Watch again next time cos we've got much more
0:27:11 > 0:27:13# There'll be tons of other funny stuff - it will be top drawer
0:27:13 > 0:27:16# Amy-Leigh and Kia dropped in
0:27:16 > 0:27:18# The chat was sheer perfection
0:27:18 > 0:27:21# We acted in The Trumping Ground
0:27:21 > 0:27:23# But we lost a lot of comedy to the routine joke inspection
0:27:23 > 0:27:25# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:27:25 > 0:27:27# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go
0:27:27 > 0:27:30# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:30 > 0:27:32# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time
0:27:32 > 0:27:35# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time!
0:27:35 > 0:27:38# That is the end of today's Hacker Time! #
0:27:38 > 0:27:40That song was faintly humorous.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Shut it down. Shut it down! GLASS SHATTERS