0:00:04 > 0:00:06One minute to on air, everyone!
0:00:07 > 0:00:09- Are you all right?- All right.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13Right, everything's ready for today's show except our new logo.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16We haven't got one yet. It's time for a rebrand.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Oh. Well, I thought our new logo should be
0:00:18 > 0:00:21a visual representation of how I feel about Hacker Time.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25Oh, that sounds lovely, Lorraine. What have you got planned?
0:00:25 > 0:00:26A sad face?!
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Lolly, why do you keep working here if you don't even like it?
0:00:29 > 0:00:33- Well, short commute, innit? - Suppose it is, really.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Later, loser!
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Oh, here's mine, Mr Derek.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40No, Herman, no.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43HERMAN SIGHS
0:00:43 > 0:00:47- You all right, cocker? - Oh, Hacker, it's brilliant!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49It's colourful, it's abstract,
0:00:49 > 0:00:52it really sums up what Hacker Time is all about.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56- Well done!- Eh? No, that's just my snot, cocker.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59I sneezed on this bit of card because I couldn't find any tissue.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Oh, well, at least it could go viral!
0:01:02 > 0:01:05- Run the titles. - HACKER SNEEZES
0:01:05 > 0:01:07HACKER LAUGHS
0:01:09 > 0:01:11# You gotta watch this
0:01:13 > 0:01:14# You gotta watch this
0:01:16 > 0:01:19# You gotta watch this
0:01:19 > 0:01:23# My, my, my, my programme hits you So hard
0:01:23 > 0:01:25# Makes me say Oh, my word!
0:01:25 > 0:01:27# Thank you for watching me It's telly
0:01:27 > 0:01:28# But not what you normally see
0:01:28 > 0:01:30# It feels good There's out-takes, too
0:01:30 > 0:01:31# Comedy, guests and clips It's true
0:01:31 > 0:01:34# So sit back, don't move too much This is a show...
0:01:34 > 0:01:36# Ha! ..you can't touch
0:01:36 > 0:01:38# Stop! Hacker time! #
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Thank you.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44OK, stand by, everyone, we are on air in five, four...
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- Well, is the celebrity guest here? - ..three, two...
0:01:47 > 0:01:49- He's just coming now.- Woohoo!
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Hi, my good sir, it's me, Ricky Martin, AKA Art Ninja,
0:01:53 > 0:01:56here to record some new episodes of Art Ninja.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00Certainly, sir, but don't you, um, need the toilet first?
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- Uh, no, I'm fine, but thank you. - Yeah, go on, nip in.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05You might as well have a little go.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- Have a go, yeah, make a bit of room. - I don't need to go to the toilet.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Get in the toilet.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Ready, Hacker!
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Good. Nice of him to drop in.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16- TOILET FLUSHES - Ha-ha, drop in.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Oh, no, no, no!
0:02:18 > 0:02:21RICKY YELLS
0:02:21 > 0:02:23HACKER WHISTLES
0:02:25 > 0:02:26How long is this pipe?
0:02:28 > 0:02:33Ladies and gentlemen, it is CBBC's Art Ninja, Ricky Martin!
0:02:37 > 0:02:41- You all right, cocker? Welcome to Hacker Time.- Oh, Hacker.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42Sorry, man, I'm not doing this.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Oh, come on, Ricky,
0:02:44 > 0:02:48we need you to stay and use your art skills to improve our new logo.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52- Well, art skills I can do. - Belting! Cheers, cocker.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59What do you think of that?
0:02:59 > 0:03:02It's perfect! It's new, exciting and refreshing.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Hey, time to find out if you'll be of any more value to me.
0:03:05 > 0:03:10Derek, tell me more about this man's sad little life.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Coming up, me little owl.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- What are you doing? - That's the wrong button.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Oh!
0:03:18 > 0:03:19That's better.
0:03:19 > 0:03:24Hi-yah! This is Ricky Martin, also known as the Art Ninja.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Ricky's got one hand much bigger than the other.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29And he's always forgetting to wash it after he's been painting.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31What a mucky fellow!
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Ricky is also a dab hand at knitting and is currently making himself
0:03:35 > 0:03:37some gloves out of his own snot.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Ricky loves gardening, but he can't afford any secateurs,
0:03:40 > 0:03:42so he uses his hands instead.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45And that's everything you don't need to know about Ricky Martin.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49Hey, looks like you really live la vida loca, don't you, cocker?
0:03:49 > 0:03:53Now, Ricky, since you're a talented artist and painter,
0:03:53 > 0:03:56could you, um...
0:03:56 > 0:03:57paint me skirting boards for me, please?
0:03:57 > 0:03:59It's just a basic white gloss job.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01I just can't be bothered doing it meself.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03I've got a bad track record when it comes to decorating
0:04:03 > 0:04:05people's flats, made a right mess of Sarah's once.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09I know, she told me. Still do it, cocker, I'll make you a brew.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Larry, paint us a picture of the rest of the programme, will you?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Certainly, Hacker. Today's show is a work of art.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Coming up...
0:04:16 > 0:04:18It'll be friendly.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Off you pop, get out, nip out.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- Fragrant. - HE BREAKS WIND
0:04:24 > 0:04:26And potentially fatal.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28SHE YELLS, CRASH
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Oh, my spine!
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Don't go away.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37Ricky Martin, are you ready for your big interview?
0:04:37 > 0:04:41- I've never been more ready.- Question one. You make things, don't you?
0:04:41 > 0:04:43- I do.- Can you make me something?
0:04:43 > 0:04:45What do you want me to make you?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47A meat paste sandwich, cocker, there's the ingredients.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48Crack on!
0:04:50 > 0:04:52No, I'm just pulling your key chain, chain, cocker.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55But seriously, you are good at making something out of nothing,
0:04:55 > 0:04:56aren't you?
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- Well, I do try, yeah.- Do you want a job on Hacker Time, then?
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- HE LAUGHS - Now, Ricky Martin,
0:05:02 > 0:05:05you come up with all sorts of things that people can make at home
0:05:05 > 0:05:09using everyday items they just find lying around the house, don't you?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11- Yes.- Well, I love joining in.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15I do it all the time. Look at this.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17I'm going to make...
0:05:17 > 0:05:19the Art Ninja rug.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21OK, I've got a nice big bit of card here.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Well, I don't know who's this is, but this will do, nice big card.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26I can cut that up, who cares.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28I've got some black wool here.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Oh, there's some there.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31I'm sure nobody will miss that.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Now, you can get the material from anywhere you like.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38You can even use old T-shirts and clothes.
0:05:38 > 0:05:43Oh, look, an old shirt. A human man's shirt, that'll do.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Now I'm going to cut some slits up these lines about 1cm deep.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Let's do it. Agh!
0:05:49 > 0:05:52There you go. I think that looks absolutely incredible.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56That is great, that. You can't tell the difference.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Hacker, it's my anniversary today,
0:05:58 > 0:06:00have you seen my shirt,
0:06:00 > 0:06:01anniversary card,
0:06:01 > 0:06:03a ball of expensive cashmere wool
0:06:03 > 0:06:05I bought Mrs Breadbin as a present?
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Um...
0:06:07 > 0:06:09No, I haven't. No, Wilf, no.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10No.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11No, I haven't.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- HE LAUGHS - Good, that.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Right, on Art Ninja, I found it's so nice that you invite your
0:06:18 > 0:06:21real-life friends to come on the show and do art with you.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23It's so lovely, that.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Yeah, Mr Hacker, I wondered if you wanted to make
0:06:25 > 0:06:28a papier-mache fruit bowl with me.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32Get out! Get out of my sight, you pink beast!
0:06:32 > 0:06:35You're no real friend of mine. Go on, go, go away!
0:06:35 > 0:06:39- Off you pop, get out, nip out, get out.- Hacker!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41You can't be rude to him, he's one of your best mates.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Hey, Ricky. I just wondered if you fancied making...
0:06:44 > 0:06:47ANGRILY: Why are you talking to me? Why are you here?
0:06:47 > 0:06:48I'm busy, go away now.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Don't look at me, go away. Go away. Keep going. Keep walking!
0:06:52 > 0:06:53I can still smell you.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Now, Ricky, do you want to see my watercolour?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58- I'd love to see some of your art. - Look, eh?
0:06:58 > 0:07:02Ha-ha. My doctor says I need to keep more hydrated.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Do you understand?
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Oh, that's quite... I can smell it.
0:07:05 > 0:07:06It smells a bit wee-ty.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Yeah.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Ricardo, do you know that they say that the Mona Lisa's eyes are
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- supposed to follow you around the room?- I do, yeah. I did hear that.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19Well, I went to the Louvre last week and they haven't stopped
0:07:19 > 0:07:20following me since.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Oh, la, la! Oh, we can see you, monsieur!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25We can see you!
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Right. I've got an art challenge for you, Ricky.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Here is a friend of mine and confidant to the show,
0:07:31 > 0:07:35Harry Tondu. He's a lovely plump little fellow.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Now, I want you to make a full and accurate replica of Harry
0:07:38 > 0:07:42utilising said materials in front of you there.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43- Simple enough.- So, come on,
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- crack on with the challenge. - SIREN WAILS
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Come on. Be better. Do it more like him. Make it more accurate.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52You've even got pom-poms for his side fluffs.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56You're rubbish, you can't even make a basic Tondu replica out
0:07:56 > 0:07:58of three basic items. You make me wretch.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01SIREN WAILS
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Well done, cocker, lovely work.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Not much of an Art Ninja, though, are you?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Larry, cut to summat else.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Now on Hacker Time,
0:08:09 > 0:08:14let's check in once more into the worst hotel in Rearend-on-Sea
0:08:14 > 0:08:17in another edition of The Accommodation Place.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Enjoy a stay by the calming sea.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Experience a warm welcome.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27Madame.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Oh, get out of the way!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33And indulge in gourmet foods.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36This isn't just any accommodation place,
0:08:36 > 0:08:39this is THE Accommodation Place.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47It's just another day at the
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Best Opulent Tip-top Ostentatious Metropolitan hotel -
0:08:50 > 0:08:52ha-ha - B.O.T.T.O.M.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Business is booming.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59- BOOMING VOICE: - I'd like to book a room, please!
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Of course, Mr Business.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Ah, Susan. This is Nigel, our new intern.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09He'll be shadowing all of the hotel employees today.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12He wants to learn exactly how we do things round here.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14I want you to treat him like a member of the family.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Very well.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Can I have some sweets, please, Mummy?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21I'm not your mother.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Oh, forget it! I hate you!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25I never asked to be born!
0:09:25 > 0:09:28SUSAN CRIES LOUDLY
0:09:31 > 0:09:35Hotel porter Herman has been told to show Nigel the ropes.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39- Here they are, look. - Oh, very nice.- Lovely.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Right then, time to clean this room.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Is that a toilet brush?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49What? Oh, yeah, 'tis.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54I even use the water from the toilet to save the environment.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Well, what do you use to clean the toilet?
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- Ah, well... - HERMAN CHUCKLES
0:10:02 > 0:10:06The guests conveniently leave me these small brushes for the job.
0:10:06 > 0:10:07Ugh!
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Oh.
0:10:10 > 0:10:16Now, Nigel, it's really important to trump on all the keys.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20- HE BREAKS WIND - Your key, madame.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- HE BREAKS WIND - Your key, sir.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27- HE BREAKS WIND - Your key, madame.
0:10:28 > 0:10:34- So, why do you do this?- I don't know, it just passes the time.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37I've got to look after that little upstart Nigel.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39I reckon he's after my job.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42So, I'm going to give him a tough time.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Nigel, go and press that big red button.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49But it says not to press it.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53- SHE SIGHS - Just do it!- All right.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57SHE HUMS, MACHINE BEEPS
0:10:58 > 0:11:00SHE YELLS, CRASH
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Oh, my spine!
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on here?
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Nigel, he pressed the big red button.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10But she told me to do it.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12If she told you to run into a wall, would you do that?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Oh, Nigel, run into that wall.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17CRASH
0:11:17 > 0:11:19SHE LAUGHS Nigel.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23If this behaviour continues, business could go under.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25HE HUMS
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Are you all right, Mr Business?
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Oh.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33I'm not sure that Nigel is ready for working in this industry.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36I think I'm going to have to teach him a lesson.
0:11:36 > 0:11:41Je voudrais un croissant.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43Bien.
0:11:44 > 0:11:49Right, well, that's the end of the French lesson. Now...
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Go and get me a decaf skinny latte.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54- No.- What do you mean no?
0:11:54 > 0:11:56You are the lowest of the low.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00If you want to get on in this industry, you got to do what I say.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Oh, no, I don't!
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Because I'm not an intern.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10I am the boss of this hotel chain.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- Look! - HE GASPS
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- What?- Yes.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18I've been filming for an undercover new show called
0:12:18 > 0:12:21I'm The Boss, You Idiots.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Oh, well, that explains the film crew that have been
0:12:24 > 0:12:27following you around all day.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Oh. Well, we've got news for you, Nigel.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34- Because we are actually your bosses. - Yeah!
0:12:34 > 0:12:36And we've been filming our own show called
0:12:36 > 0:12:39No, We're The Boss, You Idiot.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44- NIGEL'S VOICE TREMBLES - Now get out of here, you mug!
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Oh...
0:12:48 > 0:12:51And you, Nig. Scram, off you pop.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Hazah! Business is saved!
0:12:54 > 0:12:56- HE FLATLINES - Oh!
0:12:56 > 0:12:59- Oh, I'm alive! - BEEPS NORMALISE
0:13:00 > 0:13:05Uh, can someone have a word with that bird? Every time!
0:13:05 > 0:13:07I remember once being undercover.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- Oh, really, father?- Yes.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Someone hadn't changed their bedsheets in months and I grew
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- betwixt the mattress topper. - HE LAUGHS
0:13:16 > 0:13:17You're watching Hacker Time,
0:13:17 > 0:13:20brought to you in association with strawberry jam.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22If you like strawberries and you like jam,
0:13:22 > 0:13:24then you might just like strawberry jam.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Contains no real strawberries.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Or jam!
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- Mr Derek. - HE SQUEALS
0:13:30 > 0:13:34Take what you want. Take anything! Take my owl collection.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Oh, no, Mr Derek. Look.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42- It's me, it's Herman.- Well, what are you dressed like that for?
0:13:42 > 0:13:46I have rebranded myself as a presenting ninja.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Yeah.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50I can chop through difficult situations,
0:13:50 > 0:13:55ask lots of quickfire questions and sneak up on people.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56In a good way.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00Herman, you know what? This is your greatest idea yet.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Thank you, Mr Derek. Thank you.
0:14:03 > 0:14:09Yes, with that ninja outfit, I don't have to look at your repulsive face.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Now take out the bins. Woohoo!
0:14:13 > 0:14:16When it rains, look for the rainbow, Herman.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- Look for the rainbow. - HE SNIFFLES
0:14:19 > 0:14:24Coming back to studio in three, two, one...
0:14:24 > 0:14:25And cue!
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Richard, what makes something art?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Well, art can be absolutely anything,
0:14:30 > 0:14:33whatever you see to be beautiful or interesting, anything at all.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35- Is this art?- No.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- Is this art?- No.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40- Is this art?- No.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44Thought not. It's just so hard to know what art is.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47In fact, it makes me want to sing. Hit it.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55# Is this art?
0:14:55 > 0:14:59# Is this art? It's hard to know where to start?
0:14:59 > 0:15:04# Is this top hat for an ant as brilliant as a Rembrandt?
0:15:04 > 0:15:09# Is this mouse with a banjo finer than Michelangelo?
0:15:09 > 0:15:14# Is this photo of a photo as abstract as a Picasso?
0:15:14 > 0:15:19# Is this mouldy piece of cheese as inspiring as a Matisse?
0:15:19 > 0:15:24# Is this rock tied in a bow as grand as a van Gogh?
0:15:24 > 0:15:30# Is this pea in a bowl as accomplished as a Warhol?
0:15:30 > 0:15:35# Is this pineapple in a cardi as surreal as a Dali?
0:15:35 > 0:15:40# Is this scared-looking flee as great as a da Vinci?
0:15:40 > 0:15:41# Is this art?
0:15:41 > 0:15:45# Is this art? It's hard to know where to start. #
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Is this song art?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52- Yay! What do you think of that, cocker?- It definitely was not art.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Oh, that's lunch. Are you hungry, Ricky?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58I'm starved, yeah, I'm really hungry.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Well, you like making things, don't you? So make your own lunch.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Bye-bye. # La, la, la, la, la. #
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Oh, I hope it's rissoles.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12I'm really quite hungry. Is that banana still around here?
0:16:12 > 0:16:13Hello?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Wilf, you're not listening to me properly these days.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Oh, yeah, yeah, a week Tuesday.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Wilf, this is exactly what I'm talking about.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Will you please just listen to me?!
0:16:30 > 0:16:32I said a week Tuesday!
0:16:33 > 0:16:37- I think I'll have the dressed crab, please.- Sure thing.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Look, it's a crab in a dress, innit?
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Wilf, that's not what the customer meant.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44That's OK, I'll just have the Caesar salad.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- Et tu, Brute.- Wilf!
0:16:48 > 0:16:51I tell you what, I'll have the chicken tikka,
0:16:51 > 0:16:54pilau rice and naan bread, please.
0:16:54 > 0:16:55Of course, here you go.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58A chicken ticker. A chicken clock, innit?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Pillow rice.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03And a nan bread.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05"Crabs wore much longer dresses back in my day."
0:17:05 > 0:17:09HE SIGHS I've had enough of this. Goodbye!
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- Wilf!- What?
0:17:12 > 0:17:16You don't listen, do you? You've ruined today's menu.
0:17:16 > 0:17:21Mrs Breadbin, I'm...I'm sorry.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25Oh, it's OK, Wilf. I know you mean well.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29Oh, we've had our fair share of ups and downs,
0:17:29 > 0:17:32but we've stuck together.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34So, Wilfred,
0:17:34 > 0:17:36I forgive you.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38You what, love? I wasn't listening to a word of that.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Wilf!
0:17:40 > 0:17:42I'll fire up the van!
0:17:42 > 0:17:44SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:17:44 > 0:17:48And now we present something that is worthy of the Tate Modern,
0:17:48 > 0:17:50it's Hacker and Ricky in...
0:17:56 > 0:18:01All right, cockers, it's day of the Art Ninja parody.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- First up, let's hear from my ninja apprentices.- Yeah.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Hi, Ricky and Hacker,
0:18:06 > 0:18:09can you show me how to make a rocket ship with a washing up bottle?
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Easy!
0:18:11 > 0:18:12You'll need...
0:18:14 > 0:18:18A degree in aeronautical engineering and some heavy investment and
0:18:18 > 0:18:21most likely the use of NASA's facilities.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Thanks, Hacker!
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- Let's hear from the next apprentice. - Let's, yes.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Hi, Ricky and Hacker.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Can you make a Doctor Who TARDIS out of a cereal box,
0:18:30 > 0:18:32glue and blue paint?
0:18:32 > 0:18:34I'll take this one, Ricky. Sure.
0:18:34 > 0:18:35Take all those materials,
0:18:35 > 0:18:39sell them online and use the money to buy a Doctor Who TARDIS.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Unbelievable.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Thanks, guys!
0:18:43 > 0:18:44It's all right, cocker.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Right, now I'm going to show the viewers how to make art that
0:18:49 > 0:18:52reverberates through time and echoes through the ages.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53Me too!
0:18:53 > 0:18:56HE BREAKS WIND
0:18:56 > 0:18:58I said art!
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Oh, I thought you said trump. It sounds quite similar to art.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Right.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06Well, I'm going to show the viewers how to make a fantastic collage.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Hang on, I made one earlier.
0:19:10 > 0:19:15I'll give you a hand there. Hacker, that is not a collage.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16I know, it's a university,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19but I thought any educational building would do.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Here's a quick art tip - how to draw an awesome horse.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Oh, go on, I'll watch you do it.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- You need a nice long nose like that. - Long nose.- They've got these cheeks,
0:19:29 > 0:19:31haven't they, round the bottom?
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- They've got the cheeks of a horse.- Yeah, cheeks of a horse.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38- There we go.- Lovely work.- A quick art tip - how to draw a horse.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39What a lovely horse.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41So, Hacker, what have you got for us?
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Well, I've just wrote myself a little reminder.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Yeah, he's rubbish at horses, Ricky Martin.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- He can't even draw a horse. - HE LAUGHS
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Oh, it's you, innit?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- Right, now I'm going to show everyone how to paint Wilf.- Yeah!
0:20:02 > 0:20:04So, Hacker, here's a tip -
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- just paint exactly what's in front of you.- Right.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Nice big nose there.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Head.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15- Lovely jumper.- Oh, thank you.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16A shirt.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19And there we are. Right, here's mine.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- Have a look, eh?- Wow!
0:20:22 > 0:20:24- That's good, innit? - Pretty good, yeah.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25- Let's see yours then.- All right.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30- Good, innit? Eh? - What's that supposed to be?
0:20:30 > 0:20:33You told me to paint exactly what I saw in front of me.
0:20:37 > 0:20:41And now for the big art finale, I'm going to do an amazing sketch.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Ninja skills. Top that, Hacker.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- I have.- What do you mean?
0:20:48 > 0:20:52Well, this whole segment of the show has been an amazing sketch.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54It's not really been amazing.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55Yeah, you've got a point.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Come on, let's work on making your sticky note horse less rubbish.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02# Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee, HORSE! #
0:21:02 > 0:21:05- An artist once painted me, you know?- Oh, yes?
0:21:05 > 0:21:09Yes, he painted me green, and I haven't ever washed since.
0:21:09 > 0:21:10I'm actually a natural blonde.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12What?
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Blonde as you like.
0:21:14 > 0:21:18Now on Hacker Time, looks like someone needs a tuber.
0:21:18 > 0:21:23A tube of toothpaste, in today's Lost And Found. And Lost Again.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30HACKER GROANS
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Leia, what's wrong?
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Are you having another panic attack about the concept of raccoons?
0:21:39 > 0:21:43No, I'm practising my best Ellie Goulding voice.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47I want to wow the planet with some haunting, throaty singing.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49# Ah, ah, ah... #
0:21:50 > 0:21:52You're going to want to do something
0:21:52 > 0:21:54about that potent breath first, Leia.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00# Here's my ballad of hopeless introspection
0:22:00 > 0:22:03# Sung like I'm suffering from a throat infection
0:22:03 > 0:22:06# With my vocals so husky and hoarse
0:22:06 > 0:22:09# I'll sing all of the Christmas adverts for the well-known stores
0:22:09 > 0:22:11# When you start and your throaty voice sesh
0:22:11 > 0:22:15# You better make sure that your mouth's nice and fresh
0:22:15 > 0:22:18# You're breathing so hard that you should take a hint
0:22:18 > 0:22:21# Roses have died Leia, please have a mint
0:22:21 > 0:22:23# Ah, ah, ah
0:22:23 > 0:22:26# Someone tell her what to do
0:22:26 > 0:22:29# Ah, ah, ah
0:22:29 > 0:22:32# About that rancid CO2
0:22:32 > 0:22:36- ALL:- # Oooh, potent breath
0:22:36 > 0:22:39# I've got a case of acute halitosis
0:22:39 > 0:22:42# Oh, potent breath
0:22:42 > 0:22:45# Funky odours eroding our noses
0:22:45 > 0:22:48# Oh, potent breath
0:22:48 > 0:22:51# It's getting worse every time you exhale
0:22:51 > 0:22:54# Oh, potent breath
0:22:54 > 0:22:58# I've caused destruction on an international scale. #
0:23:00 > 0:23:01Oh, no, Leia,
0:23:01 > 0:23:04your potent breath has caused the end of the world.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07What am I like?
0:23:07 > 0:23:11Oh, well, at least that gives me plenty of hopeless introspection
0:23:11 > 0:23:12to sing hauntingly about.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Bye!
0:23:14 > 0:23:17HE GAGS
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Yo, Derek McGee, you're Lost And Found rip-off was
0:23:20 > 0:23:24completely wrong, Leia looks nothing like that.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26- Actually, she's much hairier. - Woohoo!
0:23:26 > 0:23:30And now we come to the climax of the show,
0:23:30 > 0:23:32the quiz that we like to call...
0:23:32 > 0:23:36# Beam My Guest!
0:23:36 > 0:23:39# Beam My Guest
0:23:39 > 0:23:43# Beam My Guest
0:23:43 > 0:23:44# Beam! #
0:23:44 > 0:23:48- Yes! Ricky Martin, how much do you want to go home?- Five.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Well, now's your chance.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52You are standing in my budget-breaking, state-of-the-art
0:23:52 > 0:23:55teleporter and I'm going to ask you a series of questions.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Get enough answers right and you'll be beamed back home.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Fail miserably and you'll go somewhere horrific.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- Hey, wait, wait, horrific? - Horrific, yeah.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Your time will end when you hear this sound.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10It's difficult looking at Picasso in the eye.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13- Are you ready?- Yes. - In that case, start the clock.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Question one. What phrase means doing something boring?
0:24:17 > 0:24:18Watching what?
0:24:18 > 0:24:22- Paint dry.- No, it's watching an episode of Hacker Time.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Ha-ha, that's this show.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Question two. Why did the painting go to jail?
0:24:27 > 0:24:30- It was framed.- No. For major fraud.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33You'll never get me, coppers! Ha-ha!
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Well, by jingo, it's time for the music round.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40Please welcome my closest confidant, chum, and all-round good guy,
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Accordian George!
0:24:43 > 0:24:45# It's Accordion George
0:24:45 > 0:24:47# It's Accordion George, eh!
0:24:47 > 0:24:50# It's Accordion George
0:24:50 > 0:24:52# Acky G, hey, hey, hey!
0:24:52 > 0:24:54# It's Accordion... #
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Yes, Ricky Martin, here is a treat for you.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00Acky G will play a well-known tune on his lovely, well-tuned acc,
0:25:00 > 0:25:02and you have to guess what it is.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Take it away, AG.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07HE PLAYS TUNE
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Now, good luck with this, Ricky, cos I thought I was atrocious.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33What do you think AG was playing on his lovely plump acc?
0:25:33 > 0:25:34Ariana Grande, is it?
0:25:34 > 0:25:38No, it wasn't, it was Zara Larsson with Lush Life.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Let's hear how it should have been played.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43MUSIC: Lush Life by Zara Larsson
0:25:43 > 0:25:45I can't believe I didn't get that.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Well, it was nothing like that, George, what were you playing at?
0:25:53 > 0:25:56I thought you had learned it. Did you not get the e-mail?
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Get away. Get rid of Acky G.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Let's have a big clap. Give us a wave, Acc.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Off you pop.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Why do we keep booking him?
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- Rick, what do you get if you mix red and yellow?- Orange.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10No, thanks, I've just had one.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13What do you get if you mix red and yellow?
0:26:13 > 0:26:16- Orange.- No, rellow.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18It's difficult looking at Picasso in the eye.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Time's up. How did he score, Lolly?
0:26:21 > 0:26:23MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY
0:26:24 > 0:26:28Well, that's our highest score yet. That means you're going home, Ricky.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30- Yes!- Time to beam my guest.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34Oh, Herman, make sure you pull the right lever.
0:26:34 > 0:26:35Ha-ha-ha.
0:26:35 > 0:26:40- I will, Mr Hacker, I will. - HE LAUGHS
0:26:40 > 0:26:42That's not the right lever! What have you done?
0:26:42 > 0:26:45I don't want to go there! I don't want to go there! Aaah!
0:26:46 > 0:26:49I don't know where he's gone, but I'm sure he'll be fine.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Ah!
0:26:53 > 0:26:55That's almost it for today.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59I'm off to alphabetise my collection of tin fruits, but first,
0:26:59 > 0:27:01there's the small matter of my awful end song.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Sing along if you want to.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:27:10 > 0:27:12# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go
0:27:12 > 0:27:15# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:15 > 0:27:18# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time
0:27:18 > 0:27:20# It's been amazing, there's been joy, fun and laughter
0:27:20 > 0:27:22# This could be the year we win our first BAFTA
0:27:22 > 0:27:24# Join again next time cos we've got much more
0:27:24 > 0:27:27# There'll be tons of other funny stuff - it will be top drawer
0:27:27 > 0:27:29# Ricky Martin popped along
0:27:29 > 0:27:32# He did an amazing sketch
0:27:32 > 0:27:34# We talked about Art Ninja
0:27:34 > 0:27:35# Then I mistook art for trumping
0:27:35 > 0:27:37# And the resulting odour made him wretch
0:27:37 > 0:27:39# That is it for now, the end of the show
0:27:39 > 0:27:41# I need the lav-lav so I'm going to go
0:27:41 > 0:27:44# I'll see you next time on this show of mine
0:27:44 > 0:27:46# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time
0:27:46 > 0:27:49# Put it in your diary - it's called Hacker Time
0:27:49 > 0:27:52# That is the end of today's Hacker Time! #
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Was that art?