0:00:14 > 0:00:16You all right?
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Welcome to my Olympic Rundown.
0:00:18 > 0:00:19Today's top stories.
0:00:19 > 0:00:23Christopher Dean eats selection of takeaways before he gets
0:00:23 > 0:00:28to studio.
0:00:28 > 0:00:34Tell me what impressed you most today.The Chinese, clearly.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38Canadian skaters can't reach their meat for dinner.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41The stakes are so high for these two.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44And Clare Balding says, "Hurdy hurdy hurdy"
0:00:44 > 0:00:47I've been a bit concerned that my show's not been going well.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49So I asked the snowboarding commentators to take a
0:00:49 > 0:00:51look at today's jokes before we went on air.
0:00:51 > 0:00:59I hope they liked them.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03I'm going to rip up this script. That has gone.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Ah!
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Er...
0:01:05 > 0:01:07What do I do now, Derek?
0:01:07 > 0:01:08Just do what you always do, Hacker.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Talk rubbish for roughly five minutes.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Oh, and throw in an occasional talking prop!
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Oh, yeah!
0:01:15 > 0:01:19Turns out I'm not the only one having trouble with my script.
0:01:19 > 0:01:26Christopher Dean was having trouble from the get-go.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30Well, I was really surprised how good and technical they were, and
0:01:30 > 0:01:33artistic, from the go get.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34You got it the round way wrong.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Christopher was there to talk about the figure skating.
0:01:37 > 0:01:45And something very unsavoury happened before the event.
0:01:45 > 0:01:50And Howrah go, she dropped her phone into a non-flushed toilet. -- one
0:01:50 > 0:01:51hour ago.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52Urgh!
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Unfortunately they couldn't save the phone, but commentator
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Robin Cousins did manage to fish out her headphones.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59They were not the prettiest, or the cleanest, but they were there.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02They were not the prettiest, or the cleanest, but they were there.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03Ooh, I tell you what.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05The camera loves Robin Cousins.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Particularly the back of his head.
0:02:07 > 0:02:15White two look at his neck. Robin cousins' neck. I am going to focus
0:02:15 > 0:02:19on the back of his ears.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22And I'm pleased to say that the back of Robin Cousins' head joins us now.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23Hello, Hacker.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Hello, the back of Robin Cousins' head.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28You do look nice, but I think you're missing a certain something.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Does anyone have any spare headgear?
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Hey, did you notice that the Korean ice hockey team stopped for a game
0:02:35 > 0:02:37of Guess the Drawing halfway through their match?
0:02:37 > 0:02:45Our hidden microphones picked up everything.
0:02:46 > 0:02:52Is it a Gibbon, some ants in a circle? There are the nasal
0:02:52 > 0:02:53passages, and it's lovely eyes.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57I was interested to see this headline yesterday.
0:02:57 > 0:03:05I wonder why the men's snowboard was so cross.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09First his helmet, and now me. I have never been so cross.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12I was also surprised to hear about some of the unusual
0:03:12 > 0:03:15staff working at the Olympics.
0:03:15 > 0:03:21Is there a nice temperature for curling?Yes, and the ice men will
0:03:21 > 0:03:22watch it through the games.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26I hear those ice men were also judging the snowboarding.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28The judges will be melting.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30And I'm about to interview one of the judges now in our
0:03:30 > 0:03:31lovely warm studio.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Ah...
0:03:32 > 0:03:34We didn't think this through, did we?
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Regular viewers will be familiar with ongoing saga of the yellow
0:03:37 > 0:03:38square of carpet in the BBC studio.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40First Amy Williams put both feet on it.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Then Christopher Dean only put one foot on it.
0:03:43 > 0:03:49But last night Clare Balding shunned it completely.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Well, the yellow carpet is with us now
0:03:51 > 0:03:52to tell us its story.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57Yellow carpet, you must be feeling humiliated after such a public snub?
0:03:57 > 0:03:59I just want Clare to make an apology.
0:03:59 > 0:04:06Clare, anything to say?
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Heard eat, her be.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09That's good enough for me.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Bye.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Now it's time for my favourite over-the-top reaction
0:04:12 > 0:04:17to the words "first run".
0:04:17 > 0:04:23First run!
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Now, everyone, I'm pleased to report my fleas have finally gone.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28I think I last had them when I was sitting on the left
0:04:28 > 0:04:33sleeve of a cream and orange jumper with a zigzag pattern on it.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Aah!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Skating commentator Katherine Downes there, enjoying a nice
0:04:36 > 0:04:44cup of tea with Robin Cousins from earlier.
0:04:46 > 0:04:51How many complaints did we get though?
0:04:51 > 0:04:52It is a big number.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54I know what will win everyone round.
0:04:54 > 0:05:01Clare, will you finish off the show with your new party piece?
0:05:01 > 0:05:06Elbows like this, and elbows like this. Elbows like this, elbows like
0:05:06 > 0:05:07this.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10See you tomorrow!