0:00:30 > 0:00:33- CLOCK TICKS - I think we can all agree
0:00:33 > 0:00:35there's one day of school that's worse than all the others.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37- ALARM - Ahh!
0:00:37 > 0:00:39'School report day!'
0:00:39 > 0:00:41- ALARM - Usually mine go something like...
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Likes to tell jokes and disrupt the class.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46- Has a very short attention span. - Could do better in English.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- Maths.- Science.- History. - Sitting still.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51- BOTH:- Everything.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53- Absolutely... BOTH:- Everything!
0:00:53 > 0:00:55But today is different.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Today, I'm going to get my best school report ever.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Cos last term... I stayed out of trouble...
0:01:06 > 0:01:09- ..handed in my homework on time... - Thank you.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13..and really tried in class.
0:01:14 > 0:01:1597.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Not only do I deserve an awesome school report,
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- I deserve a huge shiny medal! - HE LAUGHS
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Stan, you have got to see this.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Yeah, that's fine, don't worry about me working.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33If this is this clip of the singing pig, I've already seen it.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36"Howdy, I'm Bob Bing, the Sausage King!
0:01:36 > 0:01:38"If you love your meat as much as I do,
0:01:38 > 0:01:41"then why not come on down to my World of Meat
0:01:41 > 0:01:43"and check out what's cooking this week.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46"We got hot dogs from Houston, bratwurst from Berlin
0:01:46 > 0:01:49"and pepperoni, I say, we got pepperoni from Palermo!
0:01:49 > 0:01:53"My stores are your passport to porky paradise, my friends."
0:01:53 > 0:01:56"So hurry on over and take your taste buds
0:01:56 > 0:01:58"around the world in 80 ways!"
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Terrible...advert.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Howdy? Please!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- What's that got to do with us? - Well, last week
0:02:07 > 0:02:09his wife came into the deli
0:02:09 > 0:02:12and tried my Mortadella sausage and now Bob wants to try it.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15They want me to go for a taste test tomorrow
0:02:15 > 0:02:17and if they like it, he will put it into all his stores!
0:02:17 > 0:02:21Well, that's a shoo-in! You and Papa Pete make a great Mortadella.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Oh, yeah, just one small thing, don't mention this to Pop.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- But it's good news, we've got to tell him.- I said don't tell him,
0:02:27 > 0:02:30so please don't tell him. OK?
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- Would you like some coffee? - What have you done?- Nothing!
0:02:37 > 0:02:41I changed the Mortadella recipe last month without telling Pop.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42Please can you help me just get him
0:02:42 > 0:02:45out of the deli today, so that I can make a new batch?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48No way, you are not taking me down with you.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Oh, shame, because if I did land that contract,
0:02:51 > 0:02:54it might be time to upgrade your golf clubs.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01- You mean, titanium heads?- Titanium, gold...the sky's the limit.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Oh, you're good.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Right, what's the plan.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Leave it to me.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- Got a good excuse ready? - Excuse for what?
0:03:19 > 0:03:21For the terrible school report
0:03:21 > 0:03:23that'll hit your desk in about ten minutes?
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- What will you be telling your parents this time?- You can't say you think
0:03:26 > 0:03:28the teachers have been replaced by alien robots.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- Yeah, you used that last time. - I don't need an excuse!
0:03:31 > 0:03:34This time I'm going to get a great report.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43You have a problem, you call an Italian.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Ah, well, that's nice to know, Pete.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50The only problem I have at the minute is writing 500 words
0:03:50 > 0:03:52on rhythmic gymnastics by five, so...
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Stanley, there's no need to be embarrassed.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58I mean, I would be embarrassed, but you shouldn't be.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00- Rosa told me. - Rosa told you what exactly?
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Her new cupboard. "I will build it," you say.
0:04:03 > 0:04:04"Leave it to Stan," you say.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Six months later, no cupboard.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10It most definitely has not been six months.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14It's been...five at the most.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16And I'm quite pleased with the progress.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- PETE LAUGHS - Well, your wife is not.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Don't worry, Pete is here to help.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Some men are built for man's work, some are...
0:04:25 > 0:04:26PETE CHUCKLES
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Do not open these reports.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36Hand them over directly to your parents.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39They are for their eyes...only.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Well, Henry, I must say
0:04:42 > 0:04:46you have surpassed even my expectations this term.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Please see that your parents call me immediately.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55CHEERING
0:05:01 > 0:05:03I will, Miss Adolf. I will.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Hm.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10PETE SIGHS
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Did you do this...or the lizard?
0:05:12 > 0:05:16- It's still very much in the early stages.- Of what, collapse?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Oh, come on, it's not that bad.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20PETE SIGHS
0:05:22 > 0:05:25PETE SIGHS
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Pass me that tool belt.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32You have very soft hands. Just like a woman.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39BELL
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Prepare...to be amazed.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57This is the worst report I've ever had. How did that happen?!
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Er, dude, maybe it was the thing with the cake?
0:06:01 > 0:06:02LAUGHTER
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Henry Zipzer!
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Oh, yeah, I'd forgotten about that bit.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18But I handed my homework in on time!
0:06:24 > 0:06:27- SHE SIGHS - It's actually a funny story.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31OK, you've made your point.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33But I have tried all term,
0:06:33 > 0:06:35she could have at least given me a C for effort!
0:06:35 > 0:06:39But you kept annoying her, always putting your hand up in class.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- 97.- No.- Jupiter?- Wrong.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44A dancing chicken?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Have you been listening to a single word I've said?!
0:06:46 > 0:06:50- SHE SIGHS - They can't have all been wrong!
0:06:50 > 0:06:54- Plus, you just opened your report and Miss Adolf said not to.- Aw, man!
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Mum and Dad won't be able to think up a punishment big enough,
0:06:57 > 0:07:01they'll have to hire an evil genius to think up one instead.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Write 5,000 pages on why I am better than you.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08SHE LAUGHS MANIACALLY
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- Unless...- BOTH: Unless?
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Unless I charm them into going easy with my secret weapon.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27He's just listed all the other men you could have married
0:07:27 > 0:07:30and graded their DIY skills out of ten.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31SHE CHUCKLES
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- You'll be shocked to hear, I'm at the bottom.- I'm making the Mortadella,
0:07:35 > 0:07:39so just keep thinking about those shiny new golf clubs you'll get.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Oh, I'm having new clubs and I'm having a new bag
0:07:42 > 0:07:45and I'm having one of those little cart things.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47- Stan!- Coming, Pete!
0:07:47 > 0:07:49You owe me!
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Pass me that posidrive, will you?
0:08:06 > 0:08:09If you mean screwdriver, say screwdriver!
0:08:11 > 0:08:13STAN SIGHS DRILL WHIRS
0:08:17 > 0:08:19SPAGHETTI WESTERN MUSIC
0:08:19 > 0:08:20DRILL WHIRS
0:08:27 > 0:08:29GUNFIRE
0:08:32 > 0:08:34GUNFIRE
0:08:36 > 0:08:38You ain't welcome in this town, partner.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44If you'd rather be playing games like a little boy
0:08:44 > 0:08:47than doing DIY, like a man, I can leave.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54DRILL WHIRS
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Hello. Hungry people here to rob this place.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Hey! Don't creep up on me like that.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11- Papa Pete's not with you is he? - No, just us, Mrs Z.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15- Er...why are you pulling that weird face? What have you done?- Nothing.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18- What are you making, Mrs Zipzer? - Ah, Mortadella,
0:09:18 > 0:09:21for the World of Meat, they might be stocking it.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Bob Bing the Sausage King! I love those ads!
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- ALL:- Howdy.- Hm. - Mum, that's great, well done.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Ah, thank you. How was your day?
0:09:29 > 0:09:32It was all right. Pretty uneventful.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- Nothing happened. - Your regular boring school day.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Mum, I got an amazing school report.
0:09:39 > 0:09:44- Wait till you read this! - Oh...it's school report day.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Yeah...I totally forgot.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- Hm.- Don't worry about thinking of a reward,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51I'll just take a cake from the display stand
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- for being so clever. - Yeah, but just take one.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59An uneventful day, eh? Where's your charming smile now?
0:10:00 > 0:10:01Hand it over, chief.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Not even you can mess up this part.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Hold those still for the next five minutes, while the glue dries.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Aye, aye, Captain.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- Where you going? - I must have left my sander
0:10:19 > 0:10:21at the deli when I hung that new door.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24- I'll be back shortly.- No!- Oh, Stan!
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- Hold them still!- But... - You don't want your wife to see
0:10:27 > 0:10:29yet another DIY disaster?
0:10:29 > 0:10:34So hold those shelves...like a man.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Just make sure you don't stick yourself to the wall, too.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46I'm sure I put it somewhere in here.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Yeah, well, maybe if you look with your eyes as well as your hands.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Unless you've got little tiny eyeballs
0:10:51 > 0:10:54on the end of your fingertips to help you look?
0:10:54 > 0:10:57- Now, that would be cool. - Report! Now!
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Oh, look, my science workbook. This term we're doing astronomy.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- It's interesting to look at the stars, isn't it, Ashley?- Yes.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Mrs Zipzer, did you know that the Earth
0:11:06 > 0:11:08is 93 million miles away from the sun?
0:11:08 > 0:11:09Well, did you know that Hank
0:11:09 > 0:11:12is going to want to be 93 million miles away from me
0:11:12 > 0:11:16if he doesn't produce his report. Give me the bag. Let's see.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18I must have dropped it on my way home.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- Pigeons love to pick up paper.- Yeah, I saw that on a documentary once.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25They shred it up and they use it to build their nests.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28And, apparently, they're particularly keen on school reports.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Yeah, well you're right, it's not in here.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35- What have you got behind your back? - Nothing.- Frankie, give it to me.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- Nothing here.- Me neither.- Listen, I know what you're all doing!
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Give me that report.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47There's nothing here, Mum. It's totally disappeared.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53What in all that's holy is going on here?!
0:11:53 > 0:11:54BOTH: I can explain!
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Mortadella! But where's the fresh chilli?
0:11:57 > 0:12:01The garlic? The secret family spices?!
0:12:01 > 0:12:05Oh, Oh, hm! I must have forgotten to put them in.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Oi-yo-yo! This batch is ruined!
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- We'll have to start all over again! - I'm saved!
0:12:14 > 0:12:16But now I don't have a school report.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20The way I see it, I've got three options.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24One. Build a time machine, go back and make sure this time
0:12:24 > 0:12:26I don't put my report in the mincer.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31Two. I persuade Mr Love
0:12:31 > 0:12:34that all the reports were infected by a deadly disease,
0:12:34 > 0:12:36so he has to tell all the parents to destroy them.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Or three. I write a brand-new report myself
0:12:39 > 0:12:42- and pretend it's the real one. - Hey, that's not a bad idea.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46Frankie, I was joking. I can barely write one paragraph for my homework,
0:12:46 > 0:12:49how am I going to write a whole report?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51You don't have to. You can copy bits from ours
0:12:51 > 0:12:54- and paste them into a new one. - That's probably the best idea
0:12:54 > 0:12:58since the invention of peanut-butter ice cream. Let's do it!
0:13:01 > 0:13:05Now...can you tell me what the three most important ingredients are
0:13:05 > 0:13:07- when making Mortadella? - SHE SIGHS
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Garlic, chilli and the secret family spices.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14Very good. And what happens when we forget to put them in?
0:13:14 > 0:13:17BOTH: We have to throw the batch away.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19And we don't want that to happen now, do we?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Actually...shall I tell you
0:13:23 > 0:13:26what really happens when we forget to put them in?
0:13:26 > 0:13:30We get an invite from the World of Meat.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34Bob Bing the Sausage King wants to try my Mortadella?!
0:13:34 > 0:13:38No, he wants to try my Mortadella, because yours is way too hot.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41- You mean...?- I didn't forget to put in the chillies,
0:13:41 > 0:13:43I deliberately left them out.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46You changed great-grandmamma Maria's Mortadella recipe?!
0:13:46 > 0:13:48No disrespect to the lady,
0:13:48 > 0:13:51but she must have had a fire extinguisher for taste buds.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54The name above the door is The Spicy Salami,
0:13:54 > 0:13:59not The Bland and Tasteless Sausage! Hot...is how we do it!
0:13:59 > 0:14:04Tomorrow, Bob Bing is going to taste MY Mortadella!
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Over my...dead...body!
0:14:09 > 0:14:13Great-grandmamma Maria, get ready for a visitor!
0:14:22 > 0:14:24I think we aced it.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27- Hank's report is now better than mine!- The final touch.
0:14:31 > 0:14:32Look at that, good as new.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Well, that won't do.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Now it looks like it's been in Hank's bag.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- Hey, Mum, guess what I just found? - One second, Hank.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54I'd like to propose a toast.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Good luck, Rosa, I hope the Mortadella gets you on the map.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- Yeah, good luck, Mum.- Good luck.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Thank you. I'm going to let you into a little secret,
0:15:02 > 0:15:05I switched Papa Pete's Mortadella with mine!
0:15:08 > 0:15:10He'll think that Bob Bing
0:15:10 > 0:15:14is tasting his, but really it'll be my new recipe!
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Oh, that is genius! THEY LAUGH
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Although under normal circumstances
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- lying to your parents is, of course, terribly wrong.- Yep.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25You mean, you switched it
0:15:25 > 0:15:27with the sausage you were making when we came in?
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Yeah. So when we get tomorrow's big order,
0:15:29 > 0:15:32then I'll tell Pop that it was my recipe that won it.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34- SHE LAUGHS - Mum, I'm sorry,
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- but you can't use your sausage. - Er...why not?
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Well, it's because...
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Papa Pete's tastes so much better.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50Hank! Take that back...for your own safety, if nothing else.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52No, no, it's fine, he's entitled to his opinions,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54even if they're rude opinions.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Even about the person who does ALL the cooking.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Talk about biting the hand that feeds.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04ROSA SIGHS
0:16:04 > 0:16:06OK, forget about my fake school report,
0:16:06 > 0:16:08I've got to stop Bob Bing from eating that Mortadella!
0:16:08 > 0:16:10New plan. Operation Sausage Swap.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Get into the deli before it opens...
0:16:16 > 0:16:18swap the school report sausage with Papa Pete's.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23There's only one here. Which one is this?
0:16:24 > 0:16:27- I think it's your mum's.- Look, you can see bits of your report.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- Does that say "lazy"?- It looks more like "late" to me.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- HANK SIGHS - But where's Papa Pete's?
0:16:35 > 0:16:38OK, Plan B. We need to make a new one.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40- How long will that take. - Dunno, exactly.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42You have made one before, right?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45No, but it's a big fat sausage, how hard can it be?
0:16:49 > 0:16:51"Emily makes excellent contributions in class
0:16:51 > 0:16:54"and her insightful observations
0:16:54 > 0:16:56"often stimulate further debate on the subject."
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Excellent contributions, insightful observations.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02I know, Katherine.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I think I'm going to get this school report framed!
0:17:04 > 0:17:08Do you think a gold or silver frame would look best?
0:17:08 > 0:17:11I agree, a gold frame would look much more impressive.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Maybe I should get one for every page?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21That is one messed up Mortadella.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Maybe if we just try straightening it.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26SHE SIGHS It's over!
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Time of death...8:02am.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30HE SIGHS
0:17:31 > 0:17:34No...it's still alive!
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Whoa! How did you do that?!
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Frankie, it's Papa Pete's. Mum must have thrown it away.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45We can't use that it's been in a bin!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Salmonella, E.coli and botulism, do these words mean nothing to you?
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Just give it a quick rinse under the tap and it'll be fine.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54SHE SIGHS SHOP BELL RINGS
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Oh, no!
0:18:07 > 0:18:09SHOP BELL RINGS
0:18:11 > 0:18:12Plan C?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Well, we don't need to ask
0:18:17 > 0:18:19- if we're in the right place. - THEY LAUGH
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Look, Italy is a pepperoni!
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Soon it's going to be my Mortadella, instead.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Yes, I'm sure it will, Pop.
0:18:27 > 0:18:32Welcome to Bing's World of Meat, the home of worldwide meat-based treats!
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Mr Bing's just running a few minutes late, but he can't wait
0:18:34 > 0:18:37to...MEAT you..
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- THEY LAUGH AWKWARDLY - Meat!
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Anyway, you can wait in his office. Please follow me.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52ASHLEY: Someone's coming! Quick!
0:18:55 > 0:18:57TEXT ALERT CHIMES
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Ashley?!
0:19:01 > 0:19:03PHONE RINGS
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Bob Bing's World of Meat.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14OK. OK.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Ready? Let's go over it again, Pop.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19At The Spicy Salami,
0:19:19 > 0:19:23we use only the finest ingredients to make our Mortadella.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27I use the finest ingredients, you want to leave them out.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Don't start, Pop, otherwise I'll leave you out of the pitch
0:19:30 > 0:19:32of the... deli...of my life!
0:19:32 > 0:19:34TEXT ALERT CHIMES
0:19:36 > 0:19:40- Busted!- Hank, what are you doing here?!- Er...
0:19:40 > 0:19:42- And why are there two Mortadella?- Hi.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45- We'll just be going. - No, you stay right there!
0:19:45 > 0:19:48This is Pop's sausage!
0:19:48 > 0:19:49You put them up to this,
0:19:49 > 0:19:52- switching it back, didn't you? - What are you talking about?
0:19:52 > 0:19:56Oh, I swapped the sausages so that Bob Bing could taste my recipe.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- You did what?!- Hang on.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Pops' sausage was in the bin.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Hank, you can't take food out of the bin! What were you thinking?!
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- That's what I said.- You threw my Mortadella in the bin?!
0:20:07 > 0:20:11- Oh, well...- Mum, stop it! Stop!
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Howdy, folks, looks like we got the whole,
0:20:14 > 0:20:17I say, the whole kit and caboodle here!
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Hello, Mr Bing. Erm...this is my son, Hank.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24- Howdy, Hank.- And these are my friends.- We're big fans.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- Any chance of an autograph? - Happy to oblige, son.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Now... BUZZER
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Susan, please bring in my tasting trolley.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36We've actually brought two Mortadellas,
0:20:36 > 0:20:38so that you can decide which one is better.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Well, all I can say is
0:20:40 > 0:20:44you can never, I say, you can never have too much sausage.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48So bring on the Mortadella. Let's see what you got.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51- Thank you, Miss Susan. - Always a-start with the best.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55If you don't mind having your mouth scorched.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07HE GASPS
0:21:07 > 0:21:10- It's a-good, isn't it?- Water!
0:21:10 > 0:21:12HE GASPS
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Mm!
0:21:15 > 0:21:17HE GASPS AND PANTS
0:21:17 > 0:21:19I'm so sorry, Mr Bing.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22I'm sure you'll find our next offering much more pleasant.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25I think I'll be the judge of that, missy.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37- Mm!- He likes it. We've got away with it.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39See, it's good, isn't it?
0:21:39 > 0:21:41HE GASPS
0:21:41 > 0:21:45- Erm...- Are you out of your cotton-picking mind?!
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Why, this sorry excuse for a sausage
0:21:47 > 0:21:51tastes worse than a cowboy boot stuffed full of mouldy old newspaper!
0:21:51 > 0:21:55It's not Mum's fault! I dropped my school report in the mincer.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00- And it's a shame cos it was a really good school report.- "Grade D!"
0:22:00 > 0:22:02- OK, it wasn't that good. - Get out of my office!
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Go on, then, the whole lot of ya!
0:22:04 > 0:22:06And take your sorry excuse for a Mortadella with you.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07Go on, get out of here!
0:22:19 > 0:22:23I think it's best if we just put the whole thing behind us.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26I know, now we can talk about my amazing school report.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29- HANK GROANS - Could you pass the salad, please?
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- What are you going to do with it, throw it in the bin?- I said sorry!
0:22:32 > 0:22:33You should never have changed the recipe!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37Don't fight, it's my fault. You should both be angry with me.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39So it was you that threw the sausage in the bin?
0:22:39 > 0:22:41- No, I took it out of the bin. - I'm confused.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44When will we talk about my school report?
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Hang on a minute. Whose sausage had Hank's report in it?
0:22:47 > 0:22:50MOBILE BUZZES
0:22:50 > 0:22:52- Quick, turn on the TV! - SHE GROANS
0:22:52 > 0:22:55"Investigators discovered many of the products being sold
0:22:55 > 0:22:58"in World of Meat contained over 90% camel meat.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01"Owner and self-styled Texan, Bob Bing,
0:23:01 > 0:23:04"real name Robert Murgatroyd, of Huddersfield, had this to say."
0:23:04 > 0:23:07"I mean, basically, when you think about it,
0:23:07 > 0:23:10"a camel is just a very tall cow, in't it?"
0:23:10 > 0:23:13"It looks like the reign of Bob Bing, the Sausage King, is over."
0:23:13 > 0:23:17I knew there was something off about his accent. "Howdy!"
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Camel meat?! If we'd got that deal,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22the deli's reputation would have been ruined!
0:23:22 > 0:23:24That would have really given me the hump.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28It's a camel joke.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30So, actually, it's a good thing
0:23:30 > 0:23:32my report ended up in the Mortadella and ruined the deal.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41- Grounded for a month. - Now, can we talk about
0:23:41 > 0:23:43how fabulous my school report was?
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Talking of reports, if your one ended up in the mincer...
0:23:49 > 0:23:51..what's this one I found in your bag?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54I'm mincemeat!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Well, that's it, that's what everyone's
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- going to be wearing this summer. - KNATS.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- These aren't KNATS! What are they?! - They're NITS!
0:24:04 > 0:24:07This...is nit-name territory.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Are you competing in the 1976 Olympics?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11We'll see how your sense of humour holds up
0:24:11 > 0:24:13when you have to take Miss Adolf's PSHE class.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Congratulations, Hank, you're a dad.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20If these babies do not come back healthy and happy...you've failed!
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Ten minutes! Ten minutes is all I ask!
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Every weekend for the next month, you can work at the deli.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29I can work in the deli and look after a baby, how hard can it be?
0:24:29 > 0:24:31- OK, where is your son? - With a babysitter.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Katherine bit off one of Rocky's toes!
0:24:34 > 0:24:37- What?! - That is it. It's work or baby!
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- Oh, you're loving this, aren't you? - You have no idea.
0:24:40 > 0:24:41HE SIGHS