0:00:36 > 0:00:38You can probably tell that this situation is bad.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Double bad. Triple bad.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43But what you won't be able to tell is that it is absolutely,
0:00:43 > 0:00:46100% definitely not my fault.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48It all started with a text.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50INCOMING TEXT
0:00:50 > 0:00:52What happened to the no phones at the table rule?
0:00:52 > 0:00:56The same thing as the no reptiles at the table rule, I think.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Frankie says the word on the streets is that Mr Love
0:01:00 > 0:01:02is going to make a big announcement in assembly.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04I bet they're introducing
0:01:04 > 0:01:06my flame throwers instead of Bunsen burners idea.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Well, whatever it is, it won't affect me.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09Why not, sweetheart?
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Today is my last day of school.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13- And that is because...? - I'm going to be home-schooled.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17Home-schooled? Don't be silly. You do really well at school, Emily.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Read the research.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22The facts are all there. Traditional educational systems
0:01:22 > 0:01:25hold back the academically gifted and encourage the mediocre.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27If you have any idea what she's talking about, just shout out.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30You can't just take yourself out of school.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32There's a whole process you have to go through.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35I wrote to the local authorities last week
0:01:35 > 0:01:36informing them of the decision.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Everything is in place.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47APPLAUSE
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Which means Tanice goes through to the national finals, as well.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - There you go.
0:01:55 > 0:01:59All right, chill out, she's not won the Olympics. Get off!
0:01:59 > 0:02:00Um...as a lot of you will know,
0:02:00 > 0:02:05I have contributed a huge amount to this school.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07And so it may come as a shock to some of you
0:02:07 > 0:02:10to hear that I am, in fact, taking a sabbatical
0:02:10 > 0:02:13to write a book - The Power Of Love.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15This will be followed by the inevitable book tour,
0:02:15 > 0:02:18maybe even branded swimwear. Who knows?
0:02:18 > 0:02:21The selection process to find a new head begins today.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23However, any child who's upset by this news
0:02:23 > 0:02:25should go and see the school counsellor.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Do we have...do we have a school counsellor?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30- N-No.- Right.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Well, we should... We'll get one. We'll get one.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36You know, guys, I think Mr Love leaving
0:02:36 > 0:02:37could be a really good thing for me.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39How do you work that one out?
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Well, think about it.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44I've had a few, let's say, unfortunate incidents
0:02:44 > 0:02:45involving Mr Love.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48This is going to be a brand-new head.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49A head which I haven't set on fire.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51It'll be a brand-new start for me.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53That only works if the new head is someone who doesn't know you.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- What do you mean? - Hank, think about it.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00There's a vacancy for a job where you get to boss people around.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04No! She wouldn't, would she?
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Yes, she would.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13My application has begun for the role of headmistress,
0:03:13 > 0:03:17or, commandant, as I shall rename it once I take office.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20The school governors will be in the lesson this afternoon
0:03:20 > 0:03:22conducting an assessment.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25This is little more than a formality,
0:03:25 > 0:03:28as, while it may be immodest to say I'm the best candidate...
0:03:29 > 0:03:31..I am.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Right, turn to page 19.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Estimates.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Open your books.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49- You weren't in the queue, so I got you something.- Thanks.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51I think.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Anyway, no time for eating.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58I'm working on plans to ruin Miss Adolf's assessment this afternoon.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00She can not be the new head.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02It'd be like being in prison, but with worse food.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08So...stand by for genius.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Idea One - put itching powder in her pants
0:04:12 > 0:04:14so the governors think she's got fleas.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16That would mean having to get near Miss Adolf's pants.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19And that idea is scrapped. OK. Um...
0:04:19 > 0:04:23Idea Two - shout, "Pineapple," every time Miss Adolf tries to speak.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26- Hank!- Pineapple!- But...- Pineapple! - You don't...- Pineapple!
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- See? It's very effective.- I think what Ashley's trying to say is,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32you don't need one of your crazy ideas to ruin Miss Adolf's lesson.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34- I don't? - No. You just have to be yourself.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37That's it? No secret weapon?
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Hank, trust us, you ARE the secret weapon.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45The school governors will be arriving any moment.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48There is to be no speaking without permission, no laughing,
0:04:48 > 0:04:52no unauthorised bodily emissions of any kind, Henry.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Uniformity is key.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Why is your hair so springy?
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Go and sit at the back.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08We will show the governors that this is a classroom
0:05:08 > 0:05:11based on hard work, excellence and obedience.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- And fencing swords.- Pardon, Henry?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15And fencing swords.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19Well, I mean, the only time I ever work hard or am obedient
0:05:19 > 0:05:21is when you start waving your sword around.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Henry Zipzer! This is not information
0:05:23 > 0:05:26that needs to be shared with the school governors!
0:05:26 > 0:05:29In fact, it might be wise if I store the sword here
0:05:29 > 0:05:31in the cupboard for safekeeping.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35And for speaking without raising your hand,
0:05:35 > 0:05:37you've earned yourself another deten...
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Welcome, esteemed guests!
0:05:40 > 0:05:45Please join us as we stride down the road to academic excellence!
0:05:50 > 0:05:52As you know, Mr Love, today is my last day of school.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54I always thought when a Zipzer left,
0:05:54 > 0:05:57it would be your brother, getting arrested.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00And I wanted to formally resign from the school paper.
0:06:00 > 0:06:01HE SIGHS
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Now I've lost focus for Mr Duvey.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08My leaving gift to the school.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11A portrait of myself next to an animal that represents
0:06:11 > 0:06:13power, grace and stealth.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16It's the best I could do.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19The governors wouldn't let a real leopard into the school.
0:06:19 > 0:06:24If there's nothing else, Mr Duvey charges by the hour, so run along.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Quicker, Emily.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36And who can tell me what is one of the main exports of Thailand?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Ooo-ooo-ooo! I've got it! Ties!
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- LAUGHTER - The clue's in the name.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43No, not ties, Henry. Anyone else?
0:06:45 > 0:06:47No?
0:06:47 > 0:06:48Oh! It's pineapple.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50SHE CHUCKLES
0:06:50 > 0:06:51Pineapple!
0:06:51 > 0:06:55See, Ashley? PINEAPPLE!
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Henry! It's nice to see you excited about learning, but..
0:06:59 > 0:07:03Wait! Miss...so, they don't make ties in Thailand?
0:07:03 > 0:07:09You wouldn't call a country Pantland and not make pants, would you?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12They don't name countries after items of clothing, Henry.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13What about Bikini Faso?
0:07:13 > 0:07:16I have no idea where that came from.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18It's Burkina Faso, Henry.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20- So, no bikinis?- No bikinis!
0:07:20 > 0:07:22What about Jersey, Miss?
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Henry Zipzer, you will move your desk to the front.
0:07:28 > 0:07:33Now, let's all read paragraph two.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37ALL: "There is a great variety of different scenery in the world..."
0:07:44 > 0:07:49Now, if we can talk about Henry Zipzer.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Ah! Yes, I thought this might come up.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Well, as you will have seen,
0:07:55 > 0:07:59Henry takes up so much of my time.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01I'll stop you there, Miss Adolf...
0:08:02 > 0:08:04..and tell you I found it...
0:08:04 > 0:08:06inspiring.
0:08:06 > 0:08:11The time and passion you give to the boy. So impressive!
0:08:11 > 0:08:15And your idea of giving him an oasis of calm around his desk
0:08:15 > 0:08:17so that he can focus better? Ha!
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Really, very impressive.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24I perhaps shouldn't say this,
0:08:24 > 0:08:28but going the extra mile for those pupils with greater challenges
0:08:28 > 0:08:30is something that can make all the difference.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Oh! Listen to me. Hm-hm-hm!
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Probably said too much.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Absolutely not!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I think you've said just the right amount.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41GOVERNOR CHUCKLES
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- What happened to you, sweetheart? - From a sociological standpoint,
0:08:49 > 0:08:52I felt it was important to engage in the rites of passage
0:08:52 > 0:08:54associated with leaving school.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56It's REALLY hard to flour and egg yourself.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Well, you, er...did a thorough job.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00I also followed the tradition
0:09:00 > 0:09:02of getting all my friends to sign my school shirt.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Ah. I can't see any signatures.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Here. Katherine's claw print.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08So, you're serious about this?
0:09:08 > 0:09:11I'm always serious...about everything.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15What are we going to do? We can't teach her.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Well, you say that...
0:09:18 > 0:09:21All I'm saying is, I could've been a teacher.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24In the same way that you could have been a professional footballer(?)
0:09:24 > 0:09:27How hard can it be? I know stuff!
0:09:27 > 0:09:30The capital of Ecuador is Quito.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Adult cats have 30 teeth.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33It's not a pub quiz!
0:09:33 > 0:09:36We can't just tell her facts that we got out of a Christmas cracker!
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Yeah, you're right. We should just admit defeat now
0:09:39 > 0:09:41and let down our only daughter.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Let's just give it a go!
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Fine. But I'm not calling you headmaster.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51- HE CHUCKLES - Deal!
0:09:56 > 0:09:59KNOCK AT DOOR Enter!
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Ah, Henry! Thank you for coming in to see me.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Well, I-I got your text.
0:10:04 > 0:10:09Yes, I did send a text message.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12I also used a little smiling face to denote humour.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Well, um...actually, it wasn't a smiley face,
0:10:15 > 0:10:18it was a little bunny holding a doughnut.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20But, you know, I got the idea.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Um...Miss Adolf, I'm confused.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27I didn't even know you could have a detention before school, so...
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Detention?
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Oh, where does punishment really get us, Henry?
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Encouragement, not punishment.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37That should be our watchword.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39I'm still asleep, aren't I?
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Because there can't be another explanation for this.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45I've worked out an intensive programme of activities
0:10:45 > 0:10:49and exercises to help you tackle your learning difficulties.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52I hope you've brought some glue, Henry Zipzer,
0:10:52 > 0:10:55because you and I are sticking together.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58LOL! Smiley face. Hm?
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Right, then, Katherine, 20 minutes of quiet reading.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13No getting distracted, or licking our eyeballs.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19Right, then. Every marathon begins with just one step.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21So let's get this show on the road!
0:11:21 > 0:11:23What are you talking about?
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- Home-schooling.- You thought I was expecting you to do the teaching?
0:11:27 > 0:11:31- Yes.- Why would ANYONE think that was a good idea?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33- I'll be teaching myself. - Absolutely not.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Teaching should only be done by professionals.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Well, by adults, anyway.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41I've been up all night researching the curriculum for your year.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Yeah, look, he's colour-coded the notes.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Trust me, we've got this covered.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51Wrong, wrong. Oh, so near!
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Numbers are a tricky business.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58She's still smiling at me.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00What is going on?!
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Making an early start, I see, Miss Adolf.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06The sunlight of learning rises early
0:12:06 > 0:12:10and shines brightly on those who welcome it.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Henry and I are quite a team.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Impressive! Hm-hm!
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Very impressive.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21No! No, it can't be!
0:12:21 > 0:12:23It is! I'm...
0:12:25 > 0:12:27..Miss Adolf's...pet!
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Did you not hear what I just said?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Oh, we heard, we're just wondering why you think
0:12:33 > 0:12:35we're stupid enough to fall for it.
0:12:35 > 0:12:36It's true!
0:12:36 > 0:12:38She smiled at me.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41And then a governor came in and she did more smiling.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43And then she said we're a team
0:12:43 > 0:12:47and the governor said that was, "very impressive".
0:12:47 > 0:12:49- Oh, dear!- What?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- You're Miss Adolf's pet.- Imagine if she gets the job because of you.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54She might want us to start looking the same.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00She might invite you to her house.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01I need a plan and I need one now.
0:13:01 > 0:13:07The governor wants a new head that is nice, kind and likes children.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Everything Miss Adolf is pretending to be.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12So I need someone who really is nice,
0:13:12 > 0:13:13kind and likes children.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Wait! I've got it!
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Hey! And what do I owe the pleasure?
0:13:25 > 0:13:29Oh, nothing. Just, er...passing through.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33# Oh, he's just passing through. #
0:13:33 > 0:13:35- So, what can I do?- Mr Rock...?- Yes?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Would you say it's important to dream big?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41I don't think it's important, I think it's crucial.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- So, what's your big dream?- Huh!
0:13:44 > 0:13:47You're sitting with the guy that shared a Jacuzzi with Mick Jagger,
0:13:47 > 0:13:49so it doesn't get bigger than that.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Do not you tell me you don't know who Mick Jagger is?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Your music teacher should be fired!
0:13:55 > 0:13:58OK. Well, how about a dream less watery?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00What do you have in mind?
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Like being the new head!
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I thought we were talking about dreams.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05That sounds a lot like a nightmare.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Come on, Mr Rock, you'd be great!
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Look, I've even brought you the form to fill out.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11That's why I'm all itchy and burning!
0:14:11 > 0:14:15Do you know that I am officially allergic to paperwork?
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Who has a lot of paperwork? Head teachers!
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Please, Mr Rock! You'd be perfect!
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Hey, I'm very flattered, Hank. Let me put it this way.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Go on, then. Seeing as you think you can do better than me.
0:14:35 > 0:14:40Right. OK. Yes. Well, we'll begin with Physics and Astronomy.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43Not an easy subject.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Not easy at all.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48- There are eight planets in the solar system.- Nine.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Rosa, I thought we settled this last night!
0:14:50 > 0:14:52- (Here we go.)- The largest of the...
0:14:52 > 0:14:56My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58That's a little rhyme to help you remember
0:14:58 > 0:15:00the names of the nine planets, Emily.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Pluto isn't a planet!
0:15:02 > 0:15:03It is in the rhyme.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06In the rhyme, your mother is very educated,
0:15:06 > 0:15:08so it's obviously not accurate.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Thought I'd make a start on moving in my personal belongings.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17You haven't even got the job yet, Miss Adolf.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Well, not technically...
0:15:20 > 0:15:25- but you know me, Mr Love, I'm a woman who gets what she wants.- Er...
0:15:25 > 0:15:28- KNOCK ON THE DOOR - Come in!
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Ah, here it is!
0:15:31 > 0:15:33What do you think, Miss Adolf?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Ah, very striking.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- Yes.- And the, er, roadkill...
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- Leopard. - ..leopard is a unique addition.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Yeah. You know what they say -
0:15:44 > 0:15:47you're no-one until you're hanging on a wall.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49No-one at all.
0:15:50 > 0:15:51Get out.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58So, end of day one, and apart from a few small teething problems,
0:15:58 > 0:16:00- I thought it went quite well. - Is that a joke?
0:16:00 > 0:16:02It wasn't meant to be, no.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03You sulked for 20 minutes
0:16:03 > 0:16:06because Mum laughed at your acting in Romeo's death scene.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08It was a bit OTT, Stan.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10It's called "committing to the role."
0:16:10 > 0:16:12It took you 45 minutes to die.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Then Mum insisted the wrong answer was printed in the maths book.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Yeah. That was... That was definitely wrong.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20You still shouldn't have thrown it out the window.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22If I was giving you a grade, it would be F.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24And I'd probably ask to see your parents.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36I promise you, I did not apply for the job of head.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37You did.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40I've got your application form here.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Didn't you think it was weird
0:16:43 > 0:16:46that under "What skills can you bring to the role?"
0:16:46 > 0:16:50it says, "Awesome axemanship and great hair"?
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Well, you do have great hair.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Hank!
0:16:59 > 0:17:03So this is an interactive whiteboard and projection system,
0:17:03 > 0:17:06with intelligent voice recognition.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09As I teach, my words will appear behind me.
0:17:09 > 0:17:14OK, so today we will be learning about electrical currents
0:17:14 > 0:17:18- and how they... - Er, Dad? I think that's Swedish.
0:17:18 > 0:17:19Erm...
0:17:21 > 0:17:22Now Russian.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26And Arabic?
0:17:26 > 0:17:30All right, let's just switch this off for a moment.
0:17:30 > 0:17:31Right. Right.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35OK. For a current to flow, we need two things...
0:17:35 > 0:17:37VOICE SPEAKS IN MANDARIN CHINESE
0:17:37 > 0:17:38Now what's it doing?!
0:17:38 > 0:17:41I think it's translating you into Mandarin.
0:17:41 > 0:17:42And me.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Hang on, let's just switch this off as well.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47VOICE STOPS
0:17:47 > 0:17:51OK. Right, now, the two things we need for a current are...?
0:17:51 > 0:17:53And now it's projecting your holiday photos.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55LOUD MUSIC PLAYS
0:17:55 > 0:17:57And playing your music library.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Let me just switch this off.
0:17:59 > 0:18:00Enough!
0:18:00 > 0:18:02- If I can just get this...- Enough!!
0:18:07 > 0:18:08Anarchy!
0:18:09 > 0:18:13Anarchy! Anarchy!
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- Mr Rock?- Yeah?- Weren't we meant to be learning about Mozart today?
0:18:16 > 0:18:21GROWLS: Were we? I must have messed up my lesson plans.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Whoo!
0:18:23 > 0:18:28I think we've seen enough, Mr Rock. Thank you.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29We'll let you know.
0:18:29 > 0:18:34You didn't even let me get to the part where I eat my bat!
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Vwoo-vwoo-vwoo-vwoo!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38HE SHRIEKS
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Oh... I thought it was real.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55How was it? Gold stars all round?
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Right, OK, I'll be in the kitchen if anyone needs me.
0:19:07 > 0:19:12And lastly, tell us how you view your relationship with the children.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Well...
0:19:15 > 0:19:18I like to think of the children as...
0:19:19 > 0:19:24..rare exotic flowers, and myself as the gardener,
0:19:24 > 0:19:27watering the seedlings and the cuttings...
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Sorry to interrupt, but, erm...
0:19:33 > 0:19:35..I thought Miss Adolf might want this.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40Because normally she doesn't go anywhere without it.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Henry is correct.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49I use my fencing sword as a metaphor.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Our minds must be polished, sharp
0:19:53 > 0:19:56and able to cut straight to the heart of a problem.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58So you don't actually USE the sword?
0:20:00 > 0:20:01No.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Except for poking.
0:20:03 > 0:20:07Henry means metaphorically poking the mind of a child,
0:20:07 > 0:20:11- to bring out their full potential. - That's not what I meant...
0:20:11 > 0:20:15I wonder if you would mind taking the sword back to my classroom, Henry,
0:20:15 > 0:20:17for safe keeping.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Nice try, Henry Zipzer.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Lovely boy.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33I think I've almost worked out
0:20:33 > 0:20:36how to stop the whiteboard from shouting in Swahili
0:20:36 > 0:20:37and then we'll be full steam ahead!
0:20:37 > 0:20:39SHE GROANS
0:20:39 > 0:20:41HE GROANS
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Well, this is cheery(!)
0:20:42 > 0:20:46Mum, how can I be cheery when Miss Adolf is going to be the new head?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Miss Adolf? In charge of the whole school?
0:20:49 > 0:20:52That means stricter rules, harder homework, more exams!
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Let's not get any ideas, Emily.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56I've got some great lessons planned for today.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59And I've fixed my headphones, so no more self strangulation.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Stan. It's time to let it go.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07OK.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09But I could have been a professional footballer.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- That is a fact. - Absolutely, sweetheart.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Right, so Emily is going back to school and everybody's happy.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18HE SIGHS
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Oh, I'm sorry, Hank. I guess not EVERYBODY is happy.
0:21:29 > 0:21:36Let this stand as a shining symbol of a bold new era for Westbrook!
0:21:38 > 0:21:42Just to be clear, I am still headmaster for the rest of the day,
0:21:42 > 0:21:45and this is my farewell assembly,
0:21:45 > 0:21:47so, without further ado, let me present to you
0:21:47 > 0:21:50my leaving gift to the school.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51FANFARE PLAYS
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Too-doo!
0:21:53 > 0:21:56VERY SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Wow!
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Thank you, Mr Love.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05As, er...someone once said,
0:22:05 > 0:22:07"You're nobody till you're hanging on a wall."
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Well, I...I said that...
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Which makes this the perfect moment to reveal
0:22:11 > 0:22:14my inauguration gift to the school.
0:22:14 > 0:22:19Carried onto the stage by a very special pupil.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Henry Zipzer.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29It hasn't even got a leopard on it, so...
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Some people say
0:22:36 > 0:22:39the most important part of a school is its pupils.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Those people are wrong.
0:22:41 > 0:22:46The head is the moral and educational heart of any school.
0:22:46 > 0:22:51So it is with great pride that I proclaim...
0:22:51 > 0:22:54the age of Miss Adolf.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05HENRY ZIPZER!
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Going to get you!
0:23:17 > 0:23:20So, running the 100 metres with Miss Adolf on my tail was not good.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23But what was good was the governors seeing the real her
0:23:23 > 0:23:26and deciding she wasn't the right person for the job after all.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29And even better than that, watch this...
0:23:29 > 0:23:30Miss Adolf, can I just ask...
0:23:30 > 0:23:35No, you can't, Henry Zipzer. Another detention for unauthorised talking!
0:23:35 > 0:23:36Goodbye, Miss Adolf's pet.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40Welcome back, Hank Zipzer, the World's Greatest Underachiever.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43I've got a meeting with the new head teacher.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46My name is Adam Joy, but, please, call me Mr Joy.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50Alex Broman is coming to our school! This must be a dream.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52He's the best footballer of all time.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54How did you even manage to get Alex here?
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Same way anything good happens at this school. Through me.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Why can't you be nice just for once?!
0:23:59 > 0:24:00THEY GASP
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Alex Broman!
0:24:02 > 0:24:03Sit down, this instant!
0:24:03 > 0:24:05You've lost our star!
0:24:05 > 0:24:07What is Alex Broman doing in there?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09- She gave him detention. - You did what?!
0:24:09 > 0:24:11CHILDREN: Fight! Fight! Fight!