Teacher Torture

Download Subtitles

Transcript

0:00:30 > 0:00:32High knees!

0:00:32 > 0:00:34And higher!

0:00:34 > 0:00:36Like this!

0:00:36 > 0:00:37Higher!

0:00:37 > 0:00:39And high knees!

0:00:42 > 0:00:43I'm sorry you had to see that

0:00:43 > 0:00:45but unfortunately it wasn't just a nightmare.

0:00:45 > 0:00:49Well, it was, but the type you have when you're awake. Let me explain.

0:00:49 > 0:00:50It was...

0:00:50 > 0:00:52The first day of a new school year.

0:00:53 > 0:00:56And this is good news because...?

0:00:56 > 0:01:00Because the long, dark days of the summer holidays are finally over.

0:01:00 > 0:01:02No more time-wasting lie-ins,

0:01:02 > 0:01:04no more excruciating family fun days.

0:01:04 > 0:01:09- Oh.- No more being told to go out and..."play".

0:01:09 > 0:01:12Hank, can you use a plate - or at least some toast?

0:01:12 > 0:01:16Oh, I'm sorry, Mum, but this is an emergency situation.

0:01:16 > 0:01:19It's the start of a whole new year with Miss Adolf.

0:01:19 > 0:01:22365 days of torture.

0:01:22 > 0:01:24In fact, this is a two-jar problem.

0:01:31 > 0:01:32Hank!

0:01:32 > 0:01:34As usual, Hank, you're wrong.

0:01:34 > 0:01:36Allowing for weekends and holidays,

0:01:36 > 0:01:38we're only at school for a pitiful 283 days a year.

0:01:38 > 0:01:42- And, secondly, you haven't got Miss Adolf this year.- What?

0:01:42 > 0:01:43No Miss Adolf? How do you know that?

0:01:43 > 0:01:46Because I actually read the letters we bring home from school.

0:01:46 > 0:01:47Where's my bag?

0:01:49 > 0:01:54A new school year, a new secretary, and, best of all...

0:01:54 > 0:01:56- COMPUTER VOICE:- 'I am Alan.'

0:01:58 > 0:02:01..a new computer. Alan, meet Miss Taguri.

0:02:01 > 0:02:04Miss Taguri, meet Alan.

0:02:04 > 0:02:07- 'I am Alan.' - You're introducing me to a computer.

0:02:07 > 0:02:10Not just any computer, Miss Taguri.

0:02:10 > 0:02:11Alan is cutting edge.

0:02:11 > 0:02:15Alan is the start of computers doing the work of humans.

0:02:15 > 0:02:17Alan is the future.

0:02:17 > 0:02:19'I am Alan.'

0:02:19 > 0:02:23Maybe Alan can get you the next cup of tea, then.

0:02:25 > 0:02:27Any chance of a biscuit?

0:02:34 > 0:02:35She seems nice.

0:02:40 > 0:02:42Where is it? It must be here somewhere.

0:02:42 > 0:02:44You really shouldn't leave

0:02:44 > 0:02:47- your homework to the last minute, you know.- Very funny(!)

0:02:47 > 0:02:49No, I'm thinking of making some changes in the deli,

0:02:49 > 0:02:51so this is just research.

0:02:51 > 0:02:52As you were.

0:02:53 > 0:02:57I really hope Grandad's going to be reasonable about these new ideas.

0:02:57 > 0:02:58I can't see why not.

0:02:58 > 0:03:01Being reasonable is what this family does best.

0:03:01 > 0:03:02Aha! Found it.

0:03:04 > 0:03:06Exactly where I left it.

0:03:09 > 0:03:12Susan! Been looking everywhere for you.

0:03:14 > 0:03:15Ah. Is this it?

0:03:20 > 0:03:22"New year, new challenges," blah, blah, blah, blah.

0:03:22 > 0:03:24Yeah, change of teacher.

0:03:24 > 0:03:26- You've got Miss Goodison, apparently.- She was right.

0:03:26 > 0:03:29The Lizard Queen was right. I haven't got Miss Adolf.

0:03:29 > 0:03:32No, because guess who has - me.

0:03:33 > 0:03:35This is unbelievable.

0:03:35 > 0:03:37So why did no-one tell me about it?

0:03:39 > 0:03:42Hank, we talked about this right at the start of the holiday.

0:03:42 > 0:03:43Do you ever listen to what we say?

0:03:43 > 0:03:46- Was there food in the room when you're talking about it?- Er...

0:03:46 > 0:03:49- Yeah, we were having pizza. - Well, then there's your mistake.

0:03:49 > 0:03:50Well, I know about it now

0:03:50 > 0:03:54and I'm declaring this the best news we've ever heard.

0:03:54 > 0:03:56I wonder what Miss Goodison's going to be like.

0:03:56 > 0:03:58Anyone is better than Miss Adolf.

0:03:58 > 0:04:00You know what this means, right?

0:04:00 > 0:04:03We've got to fit a whole summer's worth of celebrating

0:04:03 > 0:04:06into the next ten minutes.

0:04:06 > 0:04:07THEY CHEER

0:04:14 > 0:04:16DOOR CHIMES TINKLE

0:04:16 > 0:04:19Good morning, my dear. Here I am.

0:04:19 > 0:04:23Ready for another day of making our customers happy.

0:04:23 > 0:04:25Guests, Dad.

0:04:25 > 0:04:27It says here they're guests, not customers.

0:04:27 > 0:04:31"Don't just serve your guests, love them." Who writes this stuff?

0:04:31 > 0:04:33And who would read it?

0:04:33 > 0:04:35You may mock, but look at this.

0:04:37 > 0:04:41Another article about the new Italian cafe on Winchester Street.

0:04:41 > 0:04:46"Cafe Grigio is a funky space at the cutting edge of cafe culture."

0:04:46 > 0:04:49- Rosa, you're obsessed with that place.- I'm not obsessed.

0:04:50 > 0:04:53I've just started a little scrapbook.

0:04:55 > 0:04:57They are going to be serious competition,

0:04:57 > 0:04:59and that is why we are taking action.

0:04:59 > 0:05:02- Why do I not like the sound of this? - Here is what we're going to do.

0:05:02 > 0:05:05We are going to harness state-of-the-art technology

0:05:05 > 0:05:08to revolutionise the guest-provider interface.

0:05:08 > 0:05:12I speak two languages, and that didn't make sense in either of them.

0:05:12 > 0:05:13You may mock, but just wait -

0:05:13 > 0:05:17something's going to be arriving that will amaze you.

0:05:22 > 0:05:25So, this new teacher, I can't wait to see what she...

0:05:25 > 0:05:27ROMANTIC MUSIC

0:05:36 > 0:05:38Whoa.

0:05:38 > 0:05:42- She's so...- Beautiful.- ..smiley.

0:05:42 > 0:05:44Henry Zipzer!

0:05:49 > 0:05:50RABBIT WHIMPERS

0:05:53 > 0:05:55Miss me?

0:05:55 > 0:05:56No need to give an answer.

0:05:56 > 0:05:59Experience tells us it would only be the wrong one.

0:05:59 > 0:06:02Perhaps instead you could tell me where your tie is.

0:06:02 > 0:06:05My best guess is under my bed...

0:06:05 > 0:06:07or burnt.

0:06:07 > 0:06:09There's a small chance it's in China.

0:06:09 > 0:06:11Normally this would earn you a detention.

0:06:11 > 0:06:14Luckily for you, I'm in an extraordinarily good mood.

0:06:14 > 0:06:17- Did you have a good summer, Miss? - No, I did not have a good summer.

0:06:17 > 0:06:18I detest summer.

0:06:18 > 0:06:22Barbecues, picnics, people wearing flip-flops -

0:06:22 > 0:06:24all thoroughly unpleasant.

0:06:24 > 0:06:25But fortunately it's over

0:06:25 > 0:06:28and we can now get on with the important business of learning.

0:06:28 > 0:06:32Did you receive a letter regarding a change of teacher this year?

0:06:32 > 0:06:33I did, Miss.

0:06:33 > 0:06:34It's here.

0:06:37 > 0:06:39I'll take that. It's rubbish.

0:06:39 > 0:06:43The result of a computer error which Mr Joy is rectifying as we speak.

0:06:43 > 0:06:46You will not be having Miss Goodison as your teacher.

0:06:46 > 0:06:48So who WILL we be having?

0:06:49 > 0:06:52One guess, Henry Zipzer.

0:06:55 > 0:07:00No, no, I cannot have Miss Adolf again. This is a disaster.

0:07:00 > 0:07:01It's worse than that.

0:07:01 > 0:07:04Did you see Miss Goodison's hair? It's like silk.

0:07:04 > 0:07:06Frankie, ew! She's a teacher.

0:07:06 > 0:07:08She's not just A teacher, she's OUR teacher.

0:07:08 > 0:07:10I'm taking this to Mr Joy.

0:07:13 > 0:07:14Wrong way.

0:07:19 > 0:07:22This is what is going to give us the edge over Cafe Grigio.

0:07:22 > 0:07:25- It's a hand-held, hi-tech ordering device.- Wow, amazing.

0:07:25 > 0:07:30But tell me, don't we already have a hand-held ordering device?

0:07:30 > 0:07:31Oh, yes, we do.

0:07:31 > 0:07:34I think it's called a notepad and pencil.

0:07:34 > 0:07:35Right.

0:07:35 > 0:07:38This links up to this computer, which is going to go in the kitchen.

0:07:38 > 0:07:39So as soon as an order is taken,

0:07:39 > 0:07:42the kitchen will receive it straight away.

0:07:42 > 0:07:44So, a bit like this, then.

0:07:47 > 0:07:49Straight into the kitchen.

0:07:49 > 0:07:52And the best thing about it is it's totally wireless.

0:07:52 > 0:07:53So is a notepad.

0:07:53 > 0:07:56Look, Dad, I know that you're out of your comfort zone

0:07:56 > 0:08:00and it's harder for you because you're old...er. Older.

0:08:00 > 0:08:04And I know that it's hard for older people to embrace new technology,

0:08:04 > 0:08:07whereas for my generation, it's more intuitive.

0:08:07 > 0:08:10We just pick it up and, bam, we're off. OK, hang on.

0:08:10 > 0:08:13I think that perhaps you should read the user manual

0:08:13 > 0:08:15before you start touching it.

0:08:15 > 0:08:18- You know, just to be on the safe side.- Fine, I will.

0:08:18 > 0:08:22I'll use this hi-tech word recognition device to help me read.

0:08:26 > 0:08:28Mr Joy, I really need to complain about the timetable.

0:08:28 > 0:08:31Previously, only one mind could cope with the complexities

0:08:31 > 0:08:34of the school timetable - mine.

0:08:34 > 0:08:38- Now, finally, Alan has revolutionised it.- 'I am Alan.'

0:08:38 > 0:08:40Or he would, if I knew how to print.

0:08:42 > 0:08:44Miss Taguri, I wonder if you could...

0:08:44 > 0:08:47'If you want to speak to me, come in here!'

0:08:48 > 0:08:50You, back to class.

0:08:50 > 0:08:53You can do this. No eye contact.

0:08:56 > 0:08:57Once that timetable is printed,

0:08:57 > 0:09:00I'm stuck with Miss Adolf for the rest of the year.

0:09:00 > 0:09:02Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

0:09:06 > 0:09:09- Are you in trouble already? - No. What are you doing here?

0:09:09 > 0:09:11I need to change the timetable.

0:09:11 > 0:09:12I refuse to be stuck with Miss Goodison

0:09:12 > 0:09:15when Miss Adolf is introducing a new homework hero award.

0:09:15 > 0:09:18I want to change the timetable to put Miss Goodison back with me -

0:09:18 > 0:09:20which means you'd have Miss Adolf.

0:09:20 > 0:09:23I don't normally like rule-breaking but my entire academic career

0:09:23 > 0:09:25is in jeopardy from Miss Goodison and her smiley stickers.

0:09:25 > 0:09:28- How do you know she has smiley stickers?- Oh, she looks the type.

0:09:28 > 0:09:29OK, do it.

0:09:31 > 0:09:34So, this is what life on the dark side feels like.

0:09:39 > 0:09:41Hurry up. What's taking so long?

0:09:41 > 0:09:42I'm trying. I can't...

0:09:42 > 0:09:44Here, let me do it.

0:09:48 > 0:09:52Done. Now, let's not get snared in the net of dactyloscopy.

0:09:52 > 0:09:54Yeah, right, what's that again?

0:09:54 > 0:09:57Dactyloscopy - fingerprinting.

0:09:57 > 0:10:00Latent prints can be lifted off surfaces years after the crime.

0:10:00 > 0:10:05- But now it's like we were never here.- OK, hit print and let's go.

0:10:05 > 0:10:07- But I just can't get it printed... - PRINTER WHIRS

0:10:07 > 0:10:11I don't know what's happened. It definitely wasn't working before.

0:10:11 > 0:10:15If my Cup-a-Soup has gone cold, Mr Joy, there will be consequences.

0:10:15 > 0:10:16Do you understand?

0:10:16 > 0:10:18Yes, Miss Taguri.

0:10:29 > 0:10:31Right, class, open your books.

0:10:33 > 0:10:35And now close them again.

0:10:36 > 0:10:41How can we be expected to learn about anything

0:10:41 > 0:10:43before we've learnt about each other?

0:10:43 > 0:10:48So, today, we're just going to talk.

0:10:48 > 0:10:50Finally a subject I can get an A in.

0:10:50 > 0:10:54Mr Joy, I've just seen the new timetable.

0:10:54 > 0:10:56Awe-inspiring, isn't it?

0:10:56 > 0:10:59- We have Alan to thank for that. - 'I am Alan.'

0:10:59 > 0:11:03Well, Alan has made an error.

0:11:03 > 0:11:05I no longer have Henry Zipzer.

0:11:05 > 0:11:08I do not leave challenges uncompleted

0:11:08 > 0:11:09and that boy is the greatest challenge

0:11:09 > 0:11:11since I took on Helga "The Slasher" Yurick

0:11:11 > 0:11:14in the '77 world fencing championships.

0:11:14 > 0:11:16I demand the timetable be changed.

0:11:16 > 0:11:19Do not question Alan's credentials.

0:11:19 > 0:11:21Not only could he be running Nasa,

0:11:21 > 0:11:24but he's surprisingly good at golf.

0:11:24 > 0:11:27Now please leave. Alan is resting.

0:11:27 > 0:11:28Oh!

0:11:31 > 0:11:32Are you cool enough, Alan?

0:11:32 > 0:11:35'I am Alan.'

0:11:37 > 0:11:40So we have to do exercises one to ten,

0:11:40 > 0:11:41all of the long answer sections

0:11:41 > 0:11:43and memorise chapter 15 by tomorrow?

0:11:43 > 0:11:48Oh, I might have known this would be a problem for a Zipzer.

0:11:48 > 0:11:50It's...not a problem.

0:11:50 > 0:11:52- It's brilliant. - EMILY GIGGLES

0:11:55 > 0:11:58Ham... Ham... Where is ham on this thing?

0:11:58 > 0:12:02Um...I'll just put turkey. It's a lot better for you.

0:12:02 > 0:12:04Rosa, this order can't be right.

0:12:04 > 0:12:0723 super-sized salami subs.

0:12:07 > 0:12:09Er...yes, that's absolutely right.

0:12:09 > 0:12:11For table four?

0:12:11 > 0:12:14Um...oh, OK, I'll redo it.

0:12:14 > 0:12:15Oh, thank you.

0:12:15 > 0:12:17Right, one cappuccino.

0:12:17 > 0:12:20That'll be £78.23, please.

0:12:20 > 0:12:23Erm...those little biscuits are surprisingly pricey.

0:12:23 > 0:12:26I'll sort this out. Just give me one second.

0:12:26 > 0:12:27Excuse me.

0:12:27 > 0:12:29Meatball sandwich, please.

0:12:29 > 0:12:31Ah, meatballs! Simple.

0:12:31 > 0:12:33Without onions...

0:12:33 > 0:12:34and extra sauce.

0:12:34 > 0:12:36One minute. Um...

0:12:36 > 0:12:37And I want the roll toasted.

0:12:37 > 0:12:40Yes. So...yeah... Yes, that should be simple.

0:12:40 > 0:12:42So...find out what button to press...

0:12:42 > 0:12:44Go to "orders", sub-heading "active orders",

0:12:44 > 0:12:47sub-heading "additional", sub-heading "modifications".

0:12:47 > 0:12:48- Sorry? - That's how you amend an order.

0:12:48 > 0:12:50You cannot just let me get on with it, can you?

0:12:50 > 0:12:52What? I'm telling you how to...

0:12:52 > 0:12:55You know what? If you wanted to have a little go at the new technology,

0:12:55 > 0:12:57you should have said. I'm going to the kitchen.

0:13:00 > 0:13:02- 'Incoming order.'- Aargh! - 'Incoming order.'

0:13:02 > 0:13:04Aargh!

0:13:06 > 0:13:11We all have our own issues and each one is important.

0:13:11 > 0:13:14Now, Hank, your turn.

0:13:14 > 0:13:18It says here that you're...dyslexic.

0:13:19 > 0:13:21That must be really hard.

0:13:21 > 0:13:23Would you like to tell us how that makes you feel?

0:13:23 > 0:13:24Go on, Zitzer.

0:13:28 > 0:13:30I did not sign up for this.

0:13:30 > 0:13:32Right, ten minutes' quiet reading...

0:13:32 > 0:13:36if a Zipzer knows what the word quiet means.

0:13:36 > 0:13:38Quiet - making little or no noise.

0:13:38 > 0:13:42Synonyms include silent, still and hushed.

0:13:42 > 0:13:44- Did you see that cool show last night?- Sh!

0:13:46 > 0:13:49It seems like you don't want to talk about this, Hank.

0:13:53 > 0:13:56Well, there's just so many other cool things to talk about.

0:13:56 > 0:13:59Eskimos, they're awesome. Helicopters, pigeons.

0:13:59 > 0:14:04We want YOU to feel like you can share YOUR issues, Hank.

0:14:04 > 0:14:07There was the time I accidentally stuck my face to the table.

0:14:07 > 0:14:09That was pretty traumatic.

0:14:09 > 0:14:12OK, Hank, I can see that you don't want to talk about your issues

0:14:12 > 0:14:14with reading and writing.

0:14:14 > 0:14:15Phew.

0:14:15 > 0:14:18But this is something that we will need to explore.

0:14:18 > 0:14:19Not phew.

0:14:19 > 0:14:24So, tonight, everyone, your homework is to try and imagine

0:14:24 > 0:14:27how it might feel to be a little bit different...

0:14:27 > 0:14:29like Hank,

0:14:29 > 0:14:33and then express those feelings however you want.

0:14:33 > 0:14:38A collage, it could be a poem, maybe even a dance. Yeah?

0:14:38 > 0:14:43And then tomorrow perhaps Hank will feel that he can open up to us.

0:14:43 > 0:14:45I'm looking forward to this.

0:14:52 > 0:14:56Rosa, looks like the lunchtime rush is coming. Ready?

0:14:56 > 0:14:57Absolutely.

0:14:59 > 0:15:02(You can do this, Rosa. OK.)

0:15:03 > 0:15:07- 'Incoming order.'- Oh! Ooh, I don't like it. I don't like it.

0:15:07 > 0:15:09Well, that was worse than sitting through

0:15:09 > 0:15:11- one of Emily's lizard lectures. - I don't know.

0:15:11 > 0:15:12It might be nice to have

0:15:12 > 0:15:15- someone to talk to about what it's like to be a girl.- BOTH: Whoa!

0:15:15 > 0:15:16Girl talk alert.

0:15:16 > 0:15:19- How many times? I AM a girl. - She is right, though, Hank.

0:15:19 > 0:15:22Miss Goodison smells like clean clothes.

0:15:22 > 0:15:24Miss Adolf only ever smelt of mushrooms.

0:15:24 > 0:15:28Guys, she wants me to talk about my dyslexia in front of everyone.

0:15:28 > 0:15:30You're right. OK, what's the plan?

0:15:30 > 0:15:32Well, we could hypnotise Miss Goodison

0:15:32 > 0:15:34so she forgets everything that happened today.

0:15:34 > 0:15:37Remember that time you tried to hypnotise my hamster?

0:15:37 > 0:15:40- That did not go well. - OK, so there's only one option.

0:15:40 > 0:15:43We're going to have to change the timetable back.

0:15:52 > 0:15:55OK, so, all we need to do is go into the timetable and...

0:15:55 > 0:15:58- What's that?- It's a retina and fingerprint scanner.

0:15:58 > 0:16:01Someone has installed some serious security onto this computer.

0:16:01 > 0:16:03And I bet I know which lizard-loving loser it was.

0:16:03 > 0:16:05Well, if you can't get into the computer

0:16:05 > 0:16:08without a retina or fingerprint scan, what are we going to do?

0:16:08 > 0:16:10Remove Mr Joy's eyeball.

0:16:10 > 0:16:14Wait, I've got it. Dac... Dactyl...

0:16:14 > 0:16:16Dactyloscopy.

0:16:16 > 0:16:19- How are dinosaurs going to help us here?- No, he's right, Frankie.

0:16:19 > 0:16:22- BOTH: We need to steal Mr Joy's fingerprint.- Cool.

0:16:22 > 0:16:23So no dinosaurs then?

0:16:29 > 0:16:33Oh, it's one lasagne and one chicken parmigiana.

0:16:33 > 0:16:37But you actually ordered two coffees. OK, please bear with me.

0:16:37 > 0:16:39Yes, I know. I know, sir.

0:16:39 > 0:16:43You ordered your gondolier lunch special...over an hour ago.

0:16:43 > 0:16:45Just give me a second.

0:16:45 > 0:16:49It would be easier to fly to Venice, get a real gondolier,

0:16:49 > 0:16:51cover him in cheese and...

0:16:51 > 0:16:55Rosa, what's going on? What's this?

0:16:55 > 0:16:58Do you know? I think there's a bug in the system because the stuff

0:16:58 > 0:17:00just comes on the screen and then, whoosh, it's gone again,

0:17:00 > 0:17:03so I'm just...I'm just trying to write it down while I remember.

0:17:03 > 0:17:07Press the screen for two seconds to freeze an order.

0:17:07 > 0:17:10Then press Ctrl S for a summary of orders

0:17:10 > 0:17:14and simply tick in the checkbox when they're delivered.

0:17:14 > 0:17:16I don't see what the fuss is all about!

0:17:21 > 0:17:25We need him to touch something so that we can lift his fingerprint.

0:17:25 > 0:17:28No cheating in the playground...

0:17:28 > 0:17:29by anyone...

0:17:29 > 0:17:30except me.

0:17:32 > 0:17:34- Ugh.- Perfect.

0:17:34 > 0:17:36We need that apple.

0:17:36 > 0:17:37HE BLOWS NOSE

0:17:40 > 0:17:42Nice.

0:17:42 > 0:17:43OK, I think I've almost got it.

0:17:43 > 0:17:45That's it. Pull me out.

0:17:46 > 0:17:47Ugh.

0:17:50 > 0:17:52FLIES BUZZ

0:17:59 > 0:18:02I'm a genius. Stinky but a genius.

0:18:02 > 0:18:04OK, back to Mr Joy's office.

0:18:05 > 0:18:07Emily went to here,

0:18:07 > 0:18:09changed that...

0:18:09 > 0:18:10and done.

0:18:10 > 0:18:13I've swapped Miss Adolf and Miss Goodison back...I think.

0:18:13 > 0:18:15- OK, let's go.- Hang on a second.

0:18:15 > 0:18:17Maybe I should change some other things around, too,

0:18:17 > 0:18:18so it doesn't look too obvious.

0:18:18 > 0:18:21Hank, do you think this is one of those times where something

0:18:21 > 0:18:23seems like a good idea but actually isn't?

0:18:23 > 0:18:24No.

0:18:26 > 0:18:28- MUFFLED VOICE - Someone's coming. We need to go.

0:18:28 > 0:18:29Oh...

0:18:36 > 0:18:41- An update already, Alan. You must be working overtime.- 'I am Alan.'

0:18:41 > 0:18:45Miss Taguri, issue the new timetable.

0:18:45 > 0:18:47I beg your pardon?

0:18:47 > 0:18:49I mean, only if it's not too much trouble.

0:18:52 > 0:18:53I'll tell you what,

0:18:53 > 0:18:54I'll do it myself.

0:19:01 > 0:19:05And legs straight, and push those hands, come on.

0:19:05 > 0:19:06MUSIC PLAYS

0:19:14 > 0:19:17Well, I suggest we get into small groups

0:19:17 > 0:19:20and talk about how unplanned changes can be stressful.

0:19:21 > 0:19:24Emily, would you like to work with me?

0:19:29 > 0:19:31Oh, I feel sick.

0:19:31 > 0:19:32MUSIC INTENSIFIES

0:19:43 > 0:19:46What on earth is going on here?

0:19:46 > 0:19:50- There seems to be a mistake with the timetable, Mr Joy.- Impossible.

0:19:50 > 0:19:52Alan doesn't make any mistakes.

0:19:52 > 0:19:54We are not here to have fun.

0:19:54 > 0:19:56I want to see sweat.

0:19:56 > 0:19:58And heel-digger!

0:20:02 > 0:20:05Maybe we could go back to how the timetable was last year, Mr Joy.

0:20:05 > 0:20:07And pony. And pony.

0:20:07 > 0:20:09But it's what Alan said so it must be right.

0:20:12 > 0:20:13Enough!

0:20:13 > 0:20:15But nobody got to see my pony.

0:20:15 > 0:20:17I said enough!

0:20:17 > 0:20:19MUSIC STOPS

0:20:19 > 0:20:22Alan and I are going to have a little chat.

0:20:30 > 0:20:33That last order was right, wasn't it? Totally right?

0:20:33 > 0:20:35I don't know who was more surprised, me or the customer.

0:20:35 > 0:20:38Cafe Grigio is not going to know what's hit them.

0:20:38 > 0:20:40I have got this system running like a finely tuned...

0:20:40 > 0:20:42SHE SNIFFS

0:20:42 > 0:20:43Oh!

0:20:46 > 0:20:50Oh, the biscottini are burnt!

0:20:50 > 0:20:52The oven was way too high.

0:20:52 > 0:20:53I turned it up.

0:20:53 > 0:20:55How? You were in here.

0:20:55 > 0:20:58With this. The oven can now be controlled from here.

0:20:58 > 0:21:00So when I put an order through for pizza,

0:21:00 > 0:21:05I automatically increase the oven temperature. Simple.

0:21:05 > 0:21:07Well, how come I didn't know about it?

0:21:07 > 0:21:09This was all explained in the update.

0:21:09 > 0:21:11An audio alert sounds on your system.

0:21:11 > 0:21:15Oh, I may have turned the sound down.

0:21:15 > 0:21:16Well, it was shouting at me.

0:21:16 > 0:21:20- Well, you could have chosen a visual alert.- I don't have time.

0:21:20 > 0:21:23- ALARM BLEEPS - Oh, what is it now?

0:21:24 > 0:21:26THEY SHOUT AND SCREAM

0:21:38 > 0:21:40I think I put too much detergent in.

0:21:40 > 0:21:42You needn't have it any at all.

0:21:42 > 0:21:45I'd already done it. This was all explained...

0:21:45 > 0:21:47BOTH: ..in the update!

0:21:47 > 0:21:49I'd like to use my 40% off voucher.

0:21:49 > 0:21:52- What voucher?- It was e-mailed to me.

0:21:52 > 0:21:55- This was all explained in the...- OK.

0:21:56 > 0:22:00Oh! Oh! No!

0:22:00 > 0:22:02Oh! Oh!

0:22:02 > 0:22:04Update that!

0:22:10 > 0:22:13And, so, I realised that there could only ever be one

0:22:13 > 0:22:17super-advanced being in control of this school and that's me.

0:22:17 > 0:22:19I had to fire Alan.

0:22:19 > 0:22:22I'm glad you got that off your chest.

0:22:23 > 0:22:26Is anything you'd like to say, Alan?

0:22:26 > 0:22:27- DISTORTED:- 'I am Alan.'

0:22:29 > 0:22:30He WAS Alan.

0:22:32 > 0:22:34Don't worry, Rosa, we'll try technology again

0:22:34 > 0:22:36when you feel you're ready.

0:22:36 > 0:22:37For the moment,

0:22:37 > 0:22:40we'll just use a system you'll be able to cope with.

0:22:45 > 0:22:49The wonderful thing about this is it's just so intuitive.

0:22:49 > 0:22:52And, oh, look.

0:22:54 > 0:22:55An update.

0:22:55 > 0:22:57HE LAUGHS

0:22:57 > 0:22:58Huh?

0:23:06 > 0:23:09You're not too annoyed that we don't have Miss Goodison, are you?

0:23:09 > 0:23:11I guess I'll always have the memories.

0:23:11 > 0:23:14Yeah, and her name written on your hand.

0:23:14 > 0:23:17Henry Zipzer! Talking in class again.

0:23:17 > 0:23:20What makes you think I should treat you any differently?

0:23:20 > 0:23:24Nothing. And that's just the way I like it. 1-0, Zipzer.

0:23:24 > 0:23:27Still talking, Henry. Detention.

0:23:28 > 0:23:32Start making videos and vlogs and sharing them with the school.

0:23:32 > 0:23:34Finally a school project I can do well in.

0:23:34 > 0:23:37- You'll only mess it up like everything else.- Zipzer.

0:23:37 > 0:23:40McKelty, I've got a major problem with my adult choir.

0:23:40 > 0:23:42- # Pick me!- Pick me!- Pick me! #

0:23:42 > 0:23:44WHIRRING Whoa!

0:23:44 > 0:23:45Urgh!

0:23:45 > 0:23:48Rule number one, Frankie - always keep the fans happy.

0:23:48 > 0:23:51Sometimes you've just got to know when to throw in the towel.

0:23:51 > 0:23:54THEY ARGUE

0:23:54 > 0:23:56Whoa! Stop filming!

0:23:56 > 0:23:58Aargh!